Online Dating…Part 3

Okay! I officially switched networks to Stockholm and put up a photo a few days ago. Sadly, that has not stopped weird Spanish speaking people from “winking” at me…Maybe I signed up for the Match.espana instead of sverige? haha. And, let’s not forget the 40-60 year old males winking. Ewwwww…

But! Some profile observations on those Swedish guys:
* They begin their profile description: “I’m a nice and happy fellow” Someone should tell them, we’re pretty sure they’re nice…but hopefully they are not serial killers. =P
* There’s the “athletic” photo: Skiing, snowboarding, diving, swimming, running – because we have to see their great bodies and watch them being sweaty. (No complaints though)
* There’s a “party” photo: Yes, they have to prove they can drink öl…lots of öl
* Most are at least 180cm tall. Yes!
* They love sports, music, and the museum. Wow…sounds like an oxymoron if you were in America
* They all claim they are athletic and somehow I believe them
* And let’s not forget the “dress shirt” photo- hot tailored shirt on a swede…sounds good to me
* They like smart, athletic, women [how profound =P ]

What I’m really curious about is whether the Swedish male will “wink” first or if I have to do it. Does the internet make the connection more anonymous and therefore easier to initiate contact? I sent a few “winks” and we’ll find out.

Love through Materialism

You know when it is Christmas in the United States for two reasons: 1) car commercials; 2) love can only be expressed through a diamond of some sort. DeBeers, Kays, Jared…the list goes on.

Men are told that they need to buy some shiny, hard, graphite object in order to show their love for their women. Women are told, they should expect expensive gifts so they know their men love them. How bizarre. Why is it that men in America must buy material goods to satisfy their women? They pay for dates, buy flowers, chocolates and jewelry, and hope for a little action in return.

Shouldn’t men just show their love by maybe…cooking dinner? giving a massage? going for a hike?

And shouldn’t women not have such have such high expectations?

Now, it is nice to get gifts. I don’t deny that. A guy buys me something I want is endearing. But, if he buys me stuff because he feels he needs to, he feels that social pressure…that is wrong.

My friend put it well, “both sexes need to take part in the responsibilities of dating.” Women should not expect the men to run around after them all the time. Women should do some chasing. Take care of the men a little.

Next time you see a diamond commercial, ask yourself “what is the benefit of him buying that diamond? Does society want him to? Or does his gf/wife/lover want him to?”

And…does “every kiss begin with Kay” ?? If that is true, men are definitely screwed for life. Sad.

Online Dating…A social experiment

Several weeks ago I decided to sign up for Match.com in the US. To me it felt like the last ditch effort to not just find the “l’homme de la vie” but a regular man to go out with. Nothing materialized; a few people wrote to me but I was just not interested. And there it happened…my account died of natural causes.

Then last week I went out with a girlfriend and she suggested I join the match.com Sweden site. While I was hesitant at first, it appears all of Sweden is on some dating site or another. And then there I was at 4am, signing up, spending 3 hours to fill a profile, searching for people on match.se. And the men seemed…more normal (and obviously more beautiful), than the US men. I don’t know why.

Now I do not want to date the moment (my poor little heart needs a break)
but I am going to conduct a social experiment. I am going to find out how online dating works in Sweden and how these Swedish males flirt (or not) via email.

And btw, don’t go searching for me, I’m on match.se but you won’t find my photo. =)

Dating in Sweden…We Americans need a guide

NOTICE MARCH 20th, 2010: This post is now CLOSED for comments. But don’t fret, there is a NEW POST to make comments. This post is being closed because of its age, 200+ comments (causing reading issues), and load problems. Please continue writing and sharing stories on the new dating Swedish men post.

So I’m back in Sweden for a week and have a little while to mingle/party/get smushed on the T-bana with the Swedes. However, after living in France for a year and a half, I knew what was going on with the French dating system (quite screwed up). Now I know I have only been in Sweden a couple days (and will hopefully return permanently) but from reading various blogs and talking to Swedish girls, the dating system here is screwed up and really confusing.

First, I have to admit the American system is not good. It puts pressure on the man to pay, to do things, to have chivalry and then that puts pressure on the girl to put out. People date multiple people without really telling what’s going on and then all of a sudden things become official — “he’s my boyfriend now.” It is not acceptable for women to ask men out (believe me, it never works out even if he said yes on that first date).
Frankly, I’m not impressed with the system. I want to be able to pay my way, not feel pressured, and hell, if I like that man, I should ask him out.

Now it struck me that dating swedish men is something more utopian (for me at least) but at the same time more confusing than it could ever be.
So I figured I should at least put down all my questions and observations on this blog in the hopes that folks will respond with their own experiences and observations.

The Questions:
1. Is it acceptable for women to ask men out?
2. Do men expect women to ask them out or vice versa?
3. What is the Swedish version of a “date?”
4. Do Swedes date more than one person at a time before settling down with one person?
5. Do men prefer that women take the lead (i.e. make the moves)?
6. Does it really take forever for people to get married in Sweden?
7. How does a second date work?
8. What’s with the text messaging?
9. How/where do Swedes meet?

The Observations and Advice from fellow Swedish women:
– Women have to make the moves to make things happen
– Text, text, text message…just don’t call
– Go out on a date and really have no idea where you stand
– Meet someone and have no idea where you stand after chatting for a few hours
– Learn that they do seem to keep their feelings bottled up. They could probably make great poker players.
– Ask the man for his number because he’s not asking you
– “Swedish men are inconsiderate” i.e. they lack chivalry (not my words either!)
– People don’t flirt in public places, e.g. the train, the queue, the store
– People don’t really smile and flirt with the eyes. No no no.
– Men are thankfully not seen serenading women like they do in France (so annoying and wimpy)

I’ll add to this the more I understand (don’t understand) of this strange culture :)

Smoke Screen

We make things in life more complicated then they need to be. Why? Because we are human and tend to believe if it is simple, it is a child’s problem. No, most things in life are simple. We choose to add a smoke screen to create a situation and hence, require a well planned out solution. In reality it is also about following Occam’s Razon- that a hypothesis tends to have a simple explanation.

I heard this on Sex on the City, it made me laugh so hard because,  simple solutions do exist- don’t care and move on.

“It’s like that great 2nd date but then you never hear from the guy again. I just pretend they are dead.” – Miranda