When I was small, I would hear about the Swedish Bikini team.  They were blond Swedish women who were of course busty and beautiful. They arrived in 1991 and remained part of pop culture legend. But the Swedish Bikini team has a dirty little secret, one that thousands, if not millions, of men did not know: the bikini girls were not Swedish.   They were not Scandinavian. The Swedish Bikini Team was made up of… Americans! American girls with blond wigs. The horror of it all, to be deceived that your blonde Swedish goddess is just an American girl, like Jane or Heather or Peggy.  Or Suzanna or Avalon even; okay those are the real life names of the women who played the Swedish women. Everyone was outraged over this, even NOW, the National Organization of Women. Well, I heard they protested on gender grounds though.

And who hired the American girls to be Swedes? Old Milwaukee beer.  The men in the ads (one is below) were saved by the Swedish girls with beer. Good, refreshing American beer. And that was it.  The ad ran for several months before protests popped up, and then the ad disappeared into pop infamy.   You can search online for Swedish bikini team photos, there are plenty out there.

So what happened to the original bikini team?  If you have a subscription to Playboy, you can see what’s over and under these scantily clad women.

Some of these ladies really capitalized on their ’swedishness.’  But then as luck would have it, in 1999, the SBT franchise sought “real” Swedish women to be the bikini girls.   They called it:  Beauty, Brains Bravery.  Stop laughing, it’s not that lame, just enormously terrible. With the brilliant BBB slogan (DDD would have been more fun), the franchise found their Swedish blonde bombshells and off they went to make super cheesy movies.  One was titled, Never Say Never Mind.  And these girls are all about sci fi awesomeness.  I’ll stop there, in case you men are getting turned on by space fighting Swedish girls.

playboy swedish bikini team

And here is it the sad but beautiful truth of the Swedish bikini team.

Do you have Swedish friends and wonder their behavior is strange or just Swedish?  What makes Swedes different from the other Europeans?  And if you are visiting or just moved to Sweden, what should you know about them?

  1. Swedish men are shy. It will take some time to speak to one, especially if you don’t know him.  Swedish guys that you know, through the office or elsewhere, are easier to deal with. It’s said that even Swedish girls can be shy too.
  2. Like water is to plants; alcohol is the same to Swedes. If you meet a guy at a party, give him an extra beer, it’s sure to liberate his speaking ability. For that matter, give a girl an extra beer too.
  3. Swedes are passive, both the men and women. Many can even be passive aggressive because they do not like to vocalize issues.  They prefer to avoid conflict at all costs.
  4. They can be direct. Going completely against #3, Swedes are ironically direct people.  However, their directness can be subtle and hard to read.  For example, if your manager says to ‘get a little more work done,’ what they mean is ‘you’re in the dump right and really need to kick ass at work.’  You could say that in some ways this quiet directness is similar to being passive aggressive.  It takes time to read them.
  5. Social systems are closed. In many European societies, making friends is difficult, almost painful at times.  Becoming friends with Swedes and joining their social circles is arduous.  Most Swedes hang out with friends from gymnasium (high school) or college and have a tight, small social network.  Hanging out with coworker Swedes, is rare. However it is possible to make lots of friends as a newcomer.
    Here are a few options to making new friends:

    • Join a company which is international and has many foreign employees;
    • Join a small but new company that is also part Swedish and part foreign employed;
    • Attend clubs or general expat events.  This option is dangerous because you could end up with lots of other foreign friends and forget about the Swedes.  But, there are always a few Swedes at these mixers, find those folks and chat them up.
    • Find activities that you used to do in your home country and do them in Sweden too! Yoga classes, ballroom dancing, knitting, gym, sailing, belly dancing, and much more. Don’t mope at home hoping for friends to magically appear or be depressed by TheLocal forum group; get yourself out there and you will start to meet new people.
    • Seek out some good Swedish online communities to learn more about Sweden and make virtual friends that can hopefully transcend into reality.
  6. Swedes do not like to be late. I love to be late, it is my motto; I just am unable to get myself to parties exactly on time.  Dinner plans or coffee dates, I will be there, otherwise, forget it.  Still, in Sweden, you do not go anywhere late. Their motto is to be punctual, so stick to it.
  7. Swedes are stylish. They are not the drop dead fashionistas of Paris or Rome, but the Swedes have their own ultra modern, sleek style.  Swedish households say it all, gorgeous and beautifully decorated.  Be prepared, being stylish in Sweden is expensive.  There’s a reason why Nordiska Galleriet (not NK) charges 10.000SEK (approx $1,300) on a wrought-iron chair. However, I have to say, their clothing fashion reeks of the 80s too much.
  8. In Sweden, people have no desire to give better service. We all know it: Swedes suck at customer service.  Restaurants, shops, airline counters, you name it and they will give you no service.  It is not case of bad service, you just get no service.  I understand now that for many Swedes, they consider too much customer service as intrusive. And Swedes can be annoyed when asked “Can I help you find something?,” “Do you want another drink?”, while Americans expect that kind of questioning from service professionals. But sometimes I wonder, can’t people just smile more? Is it that hard to communicate with others.  There’s a lot of discussions that Swedes do things on their own, but mammal societies are socially based.   Why would we want to move backwards and become more unsocial?
  9. Silence is golden. It is okay to not speak every second of every moment.  Porbjorn and I sometimes sit at the breakfast table silent for 10-15 minutes before either one of us speaks.   If your Swedes seems unusually quiet, they are not mad or annoyed at you, they just enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.
  10. Swedes love nature. Sweden is a beautiful country and they take great pride in taking care of the natural landscape.  If you have a day off, you will walk around the city or go hiking, but never stay indoors.  Most Swedes seem to have Swedish summer houses, a place to relax and get away from bustling life. I admire that they take nature seriously and it is even evident in recycling habits.
  11. They love potatoes and herring. I don’t like herring but I do love potatis med graddfil!
  12. Fika is a religious experience.Everyday of the week, Swedes love coffee, love kakor (cake), and love to talk (they can!) in a profound experience called the fika. You cannot get away from and you cannot live without. Consider it to be a high end coffee break with the icing on top too.

And there you have it! What else should we know about Swedes?

Swedish girls are everything what you fantasize about. They are tall, beautiful, blonde (although artificially blond dyed hair), busty, athletic, and strong. These viking women are the enigma wrapped in a conundrum because the men still haven’t figured them out.

If dating Swedish men was confusing enough, then dating Swedish women must be more so. I’m a girl, an American-Indian girl, and therefore am not Swedish. But I have a few Swedish girlfriends and they all have opinions of their fellow male counterparts. Some comments are downright ballsy. Swedish guys have done a good job of losing their balls over the years, part thanks to feminism, part thanks to super tight jeans that served as self castrating devices.

First off, if you are man, Swedish, French, American, British, you have to learn how to smooch and booze with those hot Swedish women. A lot of booze, it helps.  Second, it seems that foreign men in Sweden have an advantage over the Swedish men.  Be happy and use it wisely.

Blond beautiful Swedish women

Blond beautiful Swedish women

Here’s what Swedish women think of Swedish men:

  • Kinda shy – the men just watch you and wait forever before they will come speak to you.
  • Difficult to figure out
  • Snåla – a bit greedy and stingy, swedish men don’t invite girls out much
  • Too dependent on alcohol – the boys drink to get drunk, and it’s very gross. If swedish men learned to drink for pleasure and not got wasted, it would be easier to have a conversation and think they are sexy. In Southern Europe, people drink wine, beer, alcohol with class. Up in Scandinavia, people drink like the end of the world is coming. Plus, drinking a glass of wine on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday is akin to alcoholism, yet it’s okay to get wasted drunk from Thursday to Saturday. Where’s the moderation?
  • No alcohol = no conversation, the Swedish boys have no ability to communicate without the clutch of alcohol
  • Too emotionally distant and far away

What Swedish women LIKE/ WANT Swedish men to do:

  • Be courteous – maybe open doors, pull out chairs, a little bit of chivalry is good
  • If you invite someone for dinner, then you could at least pay for it!
  • Buy a gift to show your affection; it’s nice to receive presents
  • Have some balls and guts and speak to me! “Hi, what’s up” does not count.  We want  to talk about real stuff, not just the weather.
  • Stop counting every krona spent at a meal, it’s embarrassing to decide who got what drink, what side dish, etc.  Can’t we just split the bill like normal people?
  • Be a man and stand up for what you want

After reading all these comments you must think, “damn, how do Swedish men and women mate and have lots of babies?”  I wonder that too, and I’ll put the blame on the dark swedish winter and the bright swedish summer.  You also must think that Swedish women hate their fellow men.  It’s part true, more Swedish women are interested in foreign men than they are in other Swedes.  Boredom, lack of balls, and overall disappointment are contributing factors.

What can you learn from this?  Like I said, if you are male and not Swedish, you already have a leading position.  If you have the ability to speak to girls without being a pussy and make good conversation, again, major brownie posts.  And finally, if you have some gentlemanly qualities,  the beautiful blond Swedish girls will be all over you.

As my friend put it:  Swedish blond bombshells may be tough and viking-like on the outside, but they are still soft, delicate women on the inside.  A Swedish woman deserves to be treated as such.

After an impromptu discussion with a girlfriend on Thursday, we decided to have a watch the Stockholm Pride Parade on Saturday. Over 15 friends showed up for Indian snacks, köttbullar (thanks Ningning!), nachos, lordags godis, and plenty of alcohol.

The police closed off Hornsgatan around 13.00 and by 14.00 the parade rounded to our area on Hornsgatan.

Pride Theme for 2009 was Hetero; which explained why a hetersexual couple was kissing on the opening float. But I didn’t see many other straight people, but hell everyone looked the same, as in: dressed up, wearing a lot of makeup, and looking crazy.

Opening of the Parade
Rainbow People

Marching for Those Who Can’t
Marching for those who Can't
This was the most disturbing float of the parade: a group carrying a coffin with the marchers wearing duct tape on their mouths. In a strange way, it was appropriate; we could never have a gay pride week if it wasn’t for the people who suffered to bring equality and civil rights to everyone. It reminded me of Matthew Shepard, a 19 year old boy, beaten and tied to a fence next to the highway for his “gayness.” And even the people of California who chose to repress the rights of gay citizens by barring marriage. Bizarre but a coffin opening the parade is a somber but appropriate way.
Somber Woman Posing
Swedish Political Parties Supports Gay Pride
All the major parties were out on the floats, except of course for Kristinademokrat (the Christian Party).
Center Party (Centerpartiet)
Moderate Party (nya Moderaterna)
Social Democrat (socialdemokratiska)
Folk Party (Folkpartiet liberalerna)
Center Party wavers

SL Stockholm City Transit Loves All
SL älskar all!
SL Bus Loves everyone

18th Century Fanfare
DSC_0634


For an Open Workplace

För ett öppet arbetsliv från Unionen
For an Open Workplace

Trannies in Red
DSC_0747
Thai Transvestites
The Thai Trannies at Pride
Military and the Police Represent
Rainbow People
Girls in the Crowd
Girls in the Crowd

Clearly, if you missed the parade, you missed out on the wildest day of the year.

I went to Göteborg (Gothenburg for those of you lacking the ö) for a weekend visiting Þorbjörn’s parents. This is my fifth visit to see them and it’s pretty the same deal everytime. Mom is excited we are there, dad drinks a Norrlands Guld 3.5% (the worst beer in the world, in my honest opinion), the dog plays with rocks, and we eat a lot of food. All in all, a great way to spend the weekend. If we are lucky, we can take the boat out onto the waters and see some pretty islands. I’m not lucky, the past month of sunshine disappeared and turned itself into rain and clouds. The weather gods are bastards.

But here are a few photos from where they live. It’s okay, be jealous now.
Gothenburg Boats
The view to the water from the boyfriend’s house.

Kärna summer house in Sweden

Kärna summer house in Sweden

The house on the right, under construction, is Þorbjörn’s family house. It should be 100sq meters once expansion completes.

We went to Marstrand, some pretty island that is very famous in Sweden. It required getting bundled up in waterproof materials and taking a 25 minute boat ride; which was awesome to say the least. When we arrived, there were some huge boats, sailboats that could probably compete. Those damn Norwegians, lots of money and nothing to do. On Marstrand, you can see the castle (we didn’t) and take a lovely walk around the island, we only spent an hour and half and had a beer. I saw little but still took a few photos.

Small street in Marstrand

Small street in Marstrand

Sweden on the water is amazingly beautiful. I love that Þorbjörn’s parents live on the water; it’s just amazing. Forget the city, living on the water to the ocean is way better.

The boat ride back from Marstrand was rainy, windy, and rocky. Our boat bounced quite a bit and at one point, I flew off my seat onto the floor. Next time I get a seatbelt. When we got back home, the rain vanished, of course it would, and I got to play with a jellyfish. No danger, no abuse. I just picked the little jellie and put him back in the water. He was very soft and squishy, and jelly-like (what a surprise). Must say, holding a Swedish sea jellie was the best thing of the weekend.

Holding a Jellyfish

Holding a Jellyfish

My whole blog has been addressing the issue of dealing with Swedish boys, but what about Swedish girls or foreign girls in Sweden?   We already know how to pick up a Swedish man. How can we teach the Swedish guys to talk and meet us foreign women?  We like to complain that Swedes have no clue how to talk to foreign girls here in Sweden, so let’s give them a clue.

Ladies, here are some questions for you answer.  It helps if you are single and on the lookout for a Swede here.

  • Where do you hang out? Where do you expect to meet guys?
  • Do you expect men to make the first move or would you?
  • What cultural differences have you noticed that affects the dating scene?
  • Are you willing to go about “dating” in Sweden the Swedish way?
  • Did you come to Sweden as a love refugee and it didn’t work out? What lessons will help you meet a new man?
  • What qualities do you look for in a Swedish man?

Swedish guys, come to this post and get some tidbits of knowledge about meeting a foreign girl.

I am a sucker for random facts; just love them!  I rarely remember them but hey, I am silly.  As part of my random factoid collection, Norse history is pretty awesome.   These Vikings came up with insane gods and goddesses and earthly events that make up the backbone of Scandinavian history.   When I was learning Icelandic and Icelandic history, there was little online information about this fascinating pagan religion.  So why not put together a short guide to Nordic gods and the sagas?  Swedes learned Scandinavian history back in grade school but most don’t have a clue about the origination of the Runes and the Gods anymore.  Here’s the refresher for your summer soaked brains.

You may be wondering why on earth you should care for Nordic history.  As we all know, our Swedish vikings friends inherit their personalities and culture and heritage from somewhere.  One somewhere is the world of the gods and goddesses.  It is here that women were written into the books as possessing deep powers and respect in society.  We must not forgot though, these societies were still very much patriarchal and male oriented.

When your little Swedish boyfriend is quietly sitting by the table drinking coffee without uttering a word, think about where that cultural habit came from.

The Eddur (Eddas)
Most of Norse mythology is based on the Icelandic Eddas, specifically the Prose and Poetic Eddur. Edda is Icelandic for saga and these stories are often to as The Sagas. Snorri Sturluson wrote The Prose Edda in the early 1200s while the Poetic Edda is part of the Codex Regius. The writing time is heavily debated; ranging from 1000s-1180s and has no true authorship. Snorri referred to the Poetic Eddas but it was not until the 1700s did researchers find the Poetic Saga.
Prose Edda is part of the very popular folklore history of Scandinavia. Snorri’s Edda is comprised of three parts: Gylfaginning (The delusion of King Gylfi), Skáldskaparmál (Language of Poetry), and Háttatal (List of verses). It is here that we hear the stories of Odin, Loki, Thor, Freyr and the creation and destruction of Earth. Hopefully you can a little taste, a short summary of the Eddas here.

The Main Norse Gods and Goddesses of Snorra Edda
Gangleri – King Gylfi’s alias while traveling
Odin
Loki
Thor (Þorr) - The god of thunder and is known in Germanic mythology as well. He is the son of Odin and Jord (mother Earth) and has a wife, Sif.

Baldur - The son of Odin and Frigg. He marries Nanna and they have a son Forsete. He builds one of the most beautiful ships called Hringhorni. However, Baldr often dreams of his own death so his mother Frigg asked all the world’s objects to swear on a vow to never hurt him. Everything agreed except mistletoe. When Loki heard of the news he had an arrow made of mistletoe. While the gods were playing a game of throwing objects at Baldur and him standing infallible, Loki gave the arrow to Höðr, Balder’s blind god brother. With a tip of the arrow, Höðr killed his own brother.

In retaliation, Odin and the giantess Rindr gave birth to the giant Vali and killed Hodr. Baldur was burned upon a pyre on his ship. Nanna also throws herself on the pyre and burns with him. Hyrrokin, a giantess, drove Hringhorni out to the vast sea on her wolf. After Baldur’s death, Hel agreed to release Baldr from the underworld only if all of the world, dead and alive, would weep for him. All did, except Þökk, another giant. As it turns out, Loki was Thokk and for this trick he was punished for eternity.

Freyr – The son of Njord and sister to Freyja.  He marries the beautiful giantess Gerg.  He dies at the beginning of Ragnarök as he gave his sword, his only weapon to his servant Skrinir.

Freyja – One of the beautiful Norse goddess, Freyja is the daughter of Njord and sister of Freyr.  She is the goddess of love, fertility, battle, and death.

Njord- the second mythlogical King of Sweden as told in Heimskringla.

Tyr – Son of Odin and is known as Leavings of the Wolf.  He lost his right arm to Fenrir.  Tyr lends his names to Tuesday (Tisdag in Swedish) and to the runic letter T.
Æsir – one of the two types of gods, the other being the Vanir. The Aesir comprised of the
major gods and goddesses of Nordic mythology.
Vanir – Part of the two groups of gods (Aesir and Vanir). The Vanir are mainly fertility gods who lived in Vanaheim.

Places, things and Events of the Prose Edda

Svithjod - OldThe Icelandic name for Sweden (thanks to LaughingPuffin for fixing that).

Ragnarök – the series of events where the world is destroyed. It is the end of the world and all the gods.

Asgård – The capital city of the Aesir gods

Vallhalla -The great hall in Asgard; Gangleri appears here to hear the stories of the gods but is ultimately tricked when all the gods and the hall vanishes.

Mjölnir – Thor’s hammer

Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr – The goats that drive Thor’s chariot. Thor can eat the goats, as long as the bones are not damaged, and uses Mjölnir to bring the goats back to life again.

Yggdrasil – The Tree that lays out the Nordic gods’ worlds
1) Asgård – The world of the Æsir; land of the Gods.
2) Vanaheim – The world of the Vanir.
3) Midgardh – The world of men.
4) Jotunheim – The world of the Giants.
5) Svartalfaheim – The world of the Dwarves.
6) Alfheim or Lysalfheim – The world of the Light-Elves.
7) Muspellheim – The world of fire; located in the south and home to the Fire-Giants.
8 ) Niflheim – World of ice and terrible cold; located in the far north and home of the Frost-Giants.
9) Helheim or Niflhel – The world of the dead.

Resources:
Got something to add??

Have something you want to contribute?  This post will continue to expand as I have time to fix it.

Okay we’re teasing the Swedes here but my French friend and I just couldn’t help but tease the strangest holiday of the year. In case you didn’t know, Midsummer occurs on Summer solstice, the longest day of the year as well as the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere.

Midsommarafton, celebrated the day before the holiday itself (just like Julafton instead of Juldagen) consists of: drinking, eating, drinking, singing about small frogs, drinking schnapps, dancing around a pole, eating, drinking öl, and wearing flower wreaths. Swedes take their summer seriously and no one’s going to burst their first day of the summer party.

Midsummer is THE holiday for celebrating the light and the sunshine and the summer and the strawberries.

Forget the food and the aquavit, here’s how to flirt with a silly drunk Swedish Boy on Midsommarafton (midsummer day) in Sweden:
1. Say hello
2. Ask for his name
3. Ask for a french kiss

After getting that kiss, well it’s up to you to what happens next. But in an extreme situation, you can refer to the German IKEA television commercial of Swedish midsummer parties.


Germany’s IKEA TV ad that was banned.

Milk and cookies boys was a term coined up back in high school by my friend Miss Jade.  A milk and cookie guy is someone essentially who loves his mom, helps out in the housework, has female friends that are just friends, cleans up after himself, enjoys chatting and shopping with chicks, and respects women.

In some ways Swedish boys seem to fit the description to a tee.  After all these years of searching for the elusive, yet tasty, milk and cookies guys, there is an abundance of them in Sweden.  Had I been looking in all the wrong places all these years or the concept of the nice guy, blasted too harshly by American media, was an endangered species? Are American men overrun by social stigmas of nice guys finishing last?   Or do Swedes do what they see right and in return, many follow the “nice guy” routine (though not finishing last)?

With that said, most girls want a milk and cookies guy in the long run but just can’t date them in the short run. It is the bad boy attitude women love. Girls do not love the nice boy next door, because he’s just too tame and boring. Or he’s just too nice. Bad boys treat girls like crap and yet, we will do whatever for them.  Bad boys are the devilish chocolate cakes:  loaded with creme, chocolate curls on the frosting, cherries, calories, and the guilty aftermath feeling.

What we like about the triple layered chocolate cake boys:

  • confidence and a high self esteem (like whipped cream)
  • know how to compliment (cherries on the top)
  • love to party and know how to have fun (three layers of chocolate cake)
  • have balls (creme between the cake layers)
  • can play the game (frosting on the cake)
  • act gentlemanly at bars and at dinner (chocolate curls on the frosting)

The problem with the milk and cookies boys:

  • shy (sugar)
  • lack confidence to ask a girl out (flour)
  • cannot flirt well (vanilla)
  • too sweet and nauseating at times (eggs)
  • easily run over by a woman (baking powder)
  • boring (vanilla)

I met the definition of a nice guy in Sweden sometime back. He was just so nice that I was honestly bored out of my mind. Bored! He would make a lovely husband, but his personality was too nice, like a unicorn, I felt doing any serious craziness would kill him. Like in Harry Potter, killing a unicorn is the most vile act possible. Like this guy, a super duper nice Swedish guy, I would have killed him out of boredom. And yet he would be a highly eligible bachelor: nice, smart, educated, on the right path. All the right things.

But I digress, the point is, he was THE milk and cookies guy and I totally didn’t care for him.

If the nice boys just got some balls and style, we would have chocolate chip oatmeal cookies instead of butter cookies.  They are tasty and sweet and don’t pack the guilt like devil’s chocolate cake.  Þorbjörn, the boyfriend/sambo, fits in the M&C category but more as a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie.  He has some flair and a strong personality but his head is screwed on straight and he’s definitely a homeboy cuddler.

piggelin ice cream

piggelin ice cream

Oh yes, and a Piggelin is an ice cream stick with a pearish flavor – it’s totally strange Swedish artificialness.

I have no idea why Stockholm men wear a ton of hair gel. The average Stockholm male uses 9 containers of gel and the average cost per bottle is 230SEK. That’s a lot of gel, enough to electrify an entire heard of horse I bet.

Please men, I beg you to stop the madness. This slicked back, supergel’ed hair is just not cool. Remember the group on Facebook relating to Crocks, “you look so fucking stupid with those shoes on”? This is the same thing. In Swedish we call it “stekare” and I define it as those skinny guys with long slicked hair, Armani eyewear, and virtual ipods playing GLAMOROUS in their ears. And they bounce when they walk down the street.

Still need a visual image? Here are a few:

The Swedos are invading

The Swedos are invading


A little too much sun or bodybuilding tanner

A little too much sun or bodybuilding tanner


Now crazy swedes

Now crazy swedes

Self portrait of a Swede
Amazing self portrait of a Swede’s reflection
From Steelth via Flickr

Stureplan boys eating
Don’t they just look full of themselves
From medvinen via Flickr

Swedish men out there, take heed, take notice, please do not overdo yourself like a peacock. You might think you’re cool in Stureplan with those awesome sunglasses and the ability to buy a drink at Sturehof, but frankly it’s just stupid looking. I love well dressed men, but I hate cocky looking men.