16 Funny Swedish Insults

Swedes have a colorful way of insulting one another. And most of our insults hail from the pre-industrialization time, when most of the population were farmers or worked outside.

This means, Swedes love insults relating to dumb geese, stupid donkeys, and gossiping sheep. And in a time when cities were distant, and the countryside was full of peasants, you cannot go far from the forest.

I split the list of insults into phrases and words. Next time you want to get angry with a Swede, you are armed with a list!

Insulting Swedish Phrases
Skita i det blå skåpet – To shit in the blue cupboard. It really means to ‘cross the line,’ as in ‘you’ve crossed the line and have pissed people off.’

The phrase originates from the comedy film, Göta Kanal, when the actor Janne Loffe Carlsson says, “Nu har de skitit i det blå skåpet, nu är det krig!” – “You’ve pooped in the blue cupboard, now it’s war!”

Gå och dra något gammalt över dig – Go and hide yourself under something old – Not only you should get lost, but put an old blanket over your head. That way, you can look even more stupid.

Dra åt skogen – Go to the forest – Sweden is full of trees and when you want someone to ‘get lost’ you tell them to ‘go to the forest.’ What a great way to get rid of the annoying hipsters in Söder!

Ditt jävla ålahuvud – You damn eel head – Seriously, that is the literal translation, eel head. Eels are notorious to have, flat, dumb heads?

Släng dig i backen – Throw yourself to the hill – ‘Get lost.’

Goddag yxskaft – Hello axe handle – One of my favorite phrases that I learned in Swedish class, ‘goddag yxskaft’ is a non sequitur. A non sequitur is an illogical statement. This phrase comes from the story of a deaf man who makes ax handles. When a stranger approaches him (most likely to ask the way to the town), he says, “hello”, but the deaf man responds, “axe handle.”

Åsnan mellan två hötappar – An ass between two stacks of hay – Someone who cannot make up their mind, being wishy-washy.

Dum som en gås. – Dumb like a goose – These three insults were common in the olden days. You will probably hear senior citizen say them but not young folks.
Tjock som en gris. – Fat as a pig.
Envis som en åsna. – Stubborn as a donkey.

Inte rent mjöl i påsen – Not clean flour in the bag – To describe someone who is a crook.

Insulting Swedish Words
Snuskhummer – Dirty lobster – Someone who is creepy or a douche bag.

Skitstövel – Poop boot – A bastard.

Dumbom – Stupid road barrier – Thick skulled, stupid.

Sladdertacka – Gossip sheep – Someone who gossips too much.

Mösstock – Cap log – Another way to call someone an idiot.

Top 5 Swedish Names – Women

After having writer’s block, I thought I would do a fun top 5 list of women’s names in Sweden.

These are the overall standings, not just the most popular names from the past year.

1. Maria

2011 Rank: 100
Number of women in Sweden with the name: 444599
Number of men in Sweden with the name: 619
Name day: 28 February
Maria Montazami, the girl from all the annoying casino Ving ads (I confused her with Victoria Silvstedt) and is the ‘hemmafru i Hollywood’

2. Anna

2011 Rank: 84
Number of women in Sweden with the name: 302591
Number of men in Sweden with the name: 11
Name day : 9 December
Anna Bergendahl of Melodiefestivaln

3. Margareta

2011 Rank: Not in top 100
Number of women in Sweden with the name: 248121
Number of men in Sweden with the name: 0
Namne day : 20 July
Margareta Valdermarsdotter, queen of Denmark and Norway, 1387-1412, and over Sweden, 1389-1412.

4. Elisabeth

2011 Rank: Not in top 100
Number of women in Sweden with the name: 202428
Number of men in Sweden with the name: 8
Name day: 15 November
Elisabeth Söderström, opera singer for the Royal Opera House

5. Eva

2011 Rank: Not in top 100
Number of women in Sweden with the name: 191582
Number of men in Sweden with the name 3
Name day: 24 December
Eva Röse, actress

You can see how Christianized Sweden is today. There are few popular Nordic names which is a disappointment because they are beautiful and fun to say!

Statistics are from http://svenskanamn.alltforforaldrar.se/

Top 5 Hot Swedish Women

Today’s top five is dedicated to lovely and hot Swedish actresses and models, and even a Swedish Princess.

Greta Garbo
Classic and edgy, there’s no one who doesn’t know the fabulous Greta.

Victoria Silvstedt
She’s a Playboy bunny and a real Swedish bikini model. Victoria is the quinessential blond, busty, blue eyed girl we all know as Swedish women.

Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid is the sweet, beautiful Swedish girl that our parents fell in love with. Even today, you can still fall in love with her.

Maud Adams
She was never a great Swedish actress but she was a Bond girl, twice. Adams was the villan girl in The Man with the Golden Gun and Octopussy. Boy was she a Swedish babe!

Princess Madeleine of Sweden
She’s dating again but no rock on the finger. I think she’s adorable.

Top 5 Funny Sounding Swedish Words

Here is today’s top five: five swedish words that sounds funny. Give it a go at saying them.

1. Knullrufs
Post-sex hair. Tossed, tangled, and poofed. The swedes have a word for everything.

2. Knäppgök
A silly person.

3. Utfart/infart
Hehehe, fart. FART! Utfart means exit, while infart means entrance. Does one’s fart then utfart from the body??

4. Bajsa

5. Yxa
Means an axe. Not an exciting word but so fun to say.

Slut – Stop, the end.

Also see 7 Swedish words that do not mean the same in English.

Top 5 Hot Swedish Men

Today’s top five is to satisfy all the lovely ladies who read this blog and enjoy drooling at Swedish men and perhaps dating them.

Be sure to check out the series on dating Swedish men:
Dating Swedish Men Q&A
The A to Z Guide on Dating Swedish Men
The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men

Prince Carl-Philip of Sweden
He’s still single and hot ladies!

Alexander Skarsgård
Son of Stellan Skargård, Alex and his family are movie legends. Of course we all know him as Eric on the HBO series True Blood.

Björn Borg
He might be an old man selling underwear today, but he was a looker during his pro tennis years.

Alex Lundqvist
Male model and professional paintballer (evidently there is a pro league), Alex Lundqvist is famous for his GUESS? modeling stint.

Freddie Ljungberg
A footballer and Calvin Klein underwear model, this man is the poster boy for the hot, rugged, swedish male.

Top 7 Swedish Words that Do Not Translate Literally

I’m starting a new series called the Top 5. Top 5 things about anything. Fun, easy to read and perhaps educational, but that’s a bonus.

My first ode to Top Fives is about Swedish words. This list is of seven Swedish words do not mean the same thing in the English language, known as “false friends”. If you translate the word as what you hear, you’d be in for a treat.

And since this is the first post in the series, I say screw it, let’s do sju instead of fem. Because sju is that much cooler to say.

1.  Bra
Meaning “good” not the bra you put on to hold your boobs up.

2.  Kiss
Pee. To pee is kissa.

3.  Puss
Kiss. Don’t confuse kiss with kiss.

Left – cc licensed flickr photo by Blue Barnacle
Right – Manneken Pis, Bruxelles. Photograph by Ed Holden

4.  Gift
Ask a man, it means poison.
Ask a women, it means marriage.

5.  Sex
Translates both ways but mostly used as the number six.

6.  Fan
Because you’re hot, need a fan, you scream FANNNN! (FUCKKK!). Fan is interjected at all levels of conversations in Swedish society, unlike f’uck which is used by bad mouth people.
swedish word translate fail - fan

7.  Slut
Meaning “stop” or in presentations, “the end.” Could you tell a slut to sluta though?