The rumors are true. Swedish girls are pretty. They’re gorgeous. Swedish girls can really be hot; and I’m a girl saying this. In the US, you’re lucky to find girls that are 7 or above, the average is a 2 or 3. In Sweden, the average girl is at least 4 and it is easy to find 7s or 8s. Pretty amazing from coming from the polar land way north on Earth.

I collected some photos of the hot swedish women and posted them up. It’s summertime in these photos; surely it would be nice if our snowy dark weather ended and we could have this kind of fun.

Male readers out there, this should inspire you on how to find a Swedish women and also how to pick up girls. Or at the very least, enjoy the photos.

And to us mere mortals out there, we are still damn hot, not just in that Swedish way.

At Midsommar party:
swedish girls midsummer

Swedish Party Tjejer:
party tjejer

Three Hot Girls and Roses: A little weird but okay!
swedish women roses

The Hottest Swedish Lingerie Model
swedish lingerie model

Bikinis, bikinis, bikinis: Stop staring at the screen
swedish girls bikini

Another beautiful blond
beautiful blonde swedish girl

Swedish Girls Celebrating Stockholm’s Summer
hot-swedish-girls

I stumbled across the best food holiday ever: World Nutella day. And with the terrible things that happened this week, i really needed something happy.

The founders of Bleeding Espresso, Ms. Adventures in Italy, and At Home in Rome have set up feb 5th to be international nutella day. What does mean for those in Sweden? Skip the sugary Swedish Nötcreme, it has nothing on our delicious goodness from Italy.

Why is Nutella better than Nötcreme?

  • Nutella is made from hazelnuts and chocolate, nötcrème is made from hazelnuts and vegetable fat and sugar.
  • Nutella comes in a delicious jar, nötcreme comes in a 20 gram plastic bag
  • Nötcreme, is light brown and looks a lot like something that came from the toilet….ewww.

Alright Swedes, so let’s Nutella Day tomorrow!

To celebrate Nutella day, eat Nutella on crêpes, waffles, or pancakes. Or make Nutella cupcakes. Mumms! And of course, share the love with friends.

And you can buy Nutella in Sweden at any grocery store. It’s usually found in the jams (sylt) section.

nutella day

If you take photos, be sure to post a link here.

Whenever people think of Sweden, they think of Switzerland, the land of the Alps, chocolate, and serenity.  Sweden fulfills the serenity and peace; and for most people, a safe country.  Considered a boring country to many because nothing happens except an occasional mob of girls beating each other silly at the H&M stores.

This week I was reminded that just because the world perceives Sweden as a safe country, crazy people still exist.  Bat shit violent crazy.

A week ago, I was planning a business trip abroad and so the night before was working late, putting my papers together, cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry (i am a good housewife).  The little Swede was still at the office with his coworkers because of a project.

At midnight, I finally finished my chores and sat down to watch “How I Met Your Mother.” I can’t remember the episode, but it was funny, as always.

Some fifteen minutes later, the door burst open and I could hear Porbjórn screaming ‘honey, honey’.

That was when things got fuzzy in my head.

I ran to the living room and there was blood all over his face.

I started cleaning his face thinking he had a terrible fall on the sidewalk. The fucking Stockholm City does not clean the goddamn streets of ice, even the most trafficked streets in the city.  The only street cleaned is the one block on Drottningsgatan; it’s been cleaned so well, you would never know snow existed.  The Stockholm government is pretty stupid at actually shoveling the snow, because probably that would be too hard for the workers.  Idiots…

But falling on the ice was not the reason.

He was beaten.

He was on his way home and crossed the street from the tunnelbana station exit. As in usual Stockholm car driver asshole-ness, the driver didn’t really want to yield to him even though the pedestrian had the right of way.

And Porbjorn crossed the street like any normal person does when they see a green light.

Then the driver turned his car and drove after him.

Crazy driver drove onto the sidewalk.

He jumped out of the car, and chased down my little Swede.

And then the crazy fucking man grabbed Porbjorn and then starting punching him.

Not with his fists, but with a gun.

A gun.

The love of my life was beaten by a fucking asshole, who was probably high on meth, with a gun.

After spending the night in the hospital getting stitches, the police escorted us back home.  The Swedish police (polis) were also in shock, this doesn’t happen in the city, especially with a gun. We don’t know if this fucker will ever be caught but if so, he will be charged with attempted murder and assault with a deadly weapon.  Ghastly words: attempted murder.

As a side note, guns are illegal in Sweden except for certain hunting ones which require taking a long exam and background check in order to obtain.  This is the not the stupid philosophy of waiting 7 days for an automatic gun in the US.  You wait months for a hunting gun.  And a handgun? Forget it.

Our Porbjorn will require surgery to fix some of the broken bones.  But I am thankful because he has no neurological damage.  He may have a small scar.  The sad part is that our emotional damage will last a long time.  As of now, I’m still living in the surrealistic world of comprehending and processing the trauma.

And just a week after he proposed, life gave us a bitter pill of reality to swallow.  I can’t even think of more words to write because it’s so personal and heartbreaking.  But I know that through the help of family and friends, we will get through the trauma; my love will be stronger for him.  And we will make stronger bonds as partners.

If you ever thought violent crimes are uncommon in Sweden, they are… until you meet someone who experienced it.

On the 23rd morning, Porbjorn and I, and the rest of Sweden began our journey for Christmas break. This year, we went to Sälen, a ski town in central Sweden, close to the Norwegian border.

To get there, we had to take a bus. Luckily a direct bus. Because coming back to Stockholm we would be blessed by taking the car, bus, train, another train, and the tunnelbanan.

At 8.20 in the morning we arrived, bright, happy and stressed at Stockholms CityTerminaln, the city bus station. Being Swedish, and therefore being super organized, there is a lovely Arrivals and Departures board with gate information and times. Just like the airport. We head to the second floor where were leaving out of Gate 19.

Alas, a huge crowd overwhelmed the area between gates 16-19. In fact, we couldn’t even reach gate 19 because someone put up a barrier and people were standing in a moshed queue. Now, normally a queue in Sweden is a highly organized and semi high tech process. You go to the queue machine, take a number, and wait until the number is called on the bulletin board.

Today, being Christmas, was different. There was no organized queue. There was no information. It was 300 people standing in a mosh with two idiot ticket checkers. To be efficient, these two ticket agents were clearing four buses departing within 15 minutes of each other. Excellent, just what I need at 8.30 in the morning for a bus that leaves at 8.45.

Massive. Queue. FAIL.

We eventually pushed our way, with bags in tow, to the front of the crowd. The one of two brilliant ticket agents asked seven times (maybe I exaggerate, ten times), “Who’s going to Salen?” “We are!” screamed a dozen of us. Then two people get through. The other 300 people are still waiting to get through the line too. Then our idiot savant screams again, “Who’s going to Salen?” This time just ten of us say it. And it continues until the last three.

Now tickets checked, time to get on the bus. Nope, we had to push our way through another line where two buses were departing from gate 19. Morons at Flybussarna.

Eventually we fight our way to the right bus, get our luggage on, and get on the bus. Being of course almost full and every single ticket holder taking their own seat, it split couples and families. Porbjorn asked one guy if he would mind switching seats so that we could sit together.

“No,” he said.

Ahhh, the friendly asshat during the Christmas season. And that Swedish organization is just a myth during busy times.

It’s that time of the year. No, not stuffing yourself silly with lussekatter and glögg, nor putting up Christmas decorations. It’s …

wait for it…

wait for it…

yes-we-did
(my hideous rendition of a once beautiful design from Depresident, a political t-shirt shop. )

It’s the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize with Obamarama!

If you missed out on the news, President Barack Obama was awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize “for for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.” Now people, I love Obama because of what he stands for, but a Peace Prize barely a year into his presidency is pretty hilarious. Back in 2007 former Vice President Al Gore received the Peace Prize along with the IPCC and that was awesome. He has worked a lot with climate change and definitely deserves it.

Obama, now has huge expectations to fulfill. If he does not perform 501%, I’m sure some redneck Fox News psychos will bash him on his Swedish socialism style. Because you know, Sweden, Socialism, and Obama equal death for the conservatives.

Anyway, let’s leave the dude alone and see what happens.

On a more delicious side; the Nobel Prize Dinner. Here are some fun facts about the dinner:

  • 23,000 flowers from San Remo, Italy. Alfred Nobel lived there during the last years of his life.
  • 1300 Guests attend the ceremony today
  • 113 Male guests attended the first ceremony in 1901

So while peons like myself are not invited to celebrate in the festivities in Oslo or Stockholm, we can all watch it online here.


The 2009 Nobel Dinner Menu (for Stockholm):

Lobster consommé with shellfish tartare, lobster and Kalix bleak roe

Truffle-stuffed quail with parsley root, Brussels sprouts and port wine gravy (extremely delicious)

Lemon and fresh cheese mousse with sea-buckthorn sorbet (interesting and possibly delicious)

I still have not figured out what the vegetarians and shellfish allergic people eat though.

Vins:
Jacquart Brut Millesime 2002, Magnum

Chateau la Dominique 2001, Saint Emilion Grand Cru Classe

Tschida ba Seewinkel 2006, Neusiedlersee

Ohh, there are no photos up yet, but I’ll try to post a couple soon.

Finally, November in Sweden is over. Well almost; squeaking in this post a few minutes shy to December.

Everywhere, November gets a bad name. People really hate the month because it’s cold and dark and cold and dark. Basically darkness envelopes society and turns humans into zombies craving for light. Especially in Sweden where the Swedish winter takes over people’s souls.

The irony is that November starts off with 8h 46m 54s of daylight and ends with 6h 40m 42s, a lose of 2 hours, 4 minutes and 12 seconds. Comparatively, October loses more daylight at 2 hours, 35 minutes and 56 seconds.

It’s not to say November rocks, besides Thanksgiving and Black Friday, most of the month is pretty bleak. Hairy Swede found out that November in Stockholm, experienced 17.5 hours of real daylight which amounted to 2.43%, a pretty low and useless number.

Plus we hit a low point this year because only two other years on record, the years 2000 and 1993, had darker months in November. They came out to a pity eight and nine hours of sunshine respectively. The average amount of sunshine in Stockholm? 54 hours.

Yep, 54 hours on the average versus 2009’s measly 17.5 hours of sun. Gooooo Sweden!

To make myself feel better about living in this dismal country during the dismal winter, I calculated the number of hours of civil daylight Stockholm had during the month of November.

Get ready and brace yourself …

november daylight in stockholm, sweden

november daylight in stockholm, sweden

From Time and Date website.


230 hours of daylight out of 720 hours in November.

That’s 31.9% daylight in November for Stockholm. See, not so bad is it now?

Just wait for the long December to roll by and plow us into dark, deep, soul of winter.

After my massive bashing on Swedish fashion, I figured I would at least credit Sweden with awesome decoration for Christmas.  I mean, I’ll still be hater on fashion here.

It’s definitely Christmastime in Stockholm.  The lights on Hornsgatan are lit up.  Ahleans has the pretty Christmas lights.  And even the Pressbyrans and 7-Elevens have that Christmas smell of Lussekatter.  Yummmy ! But for us foreigners, what is a Swedish Christmas and what do eat, do, and decorate during this six weeks of food eating?

No fear, Sapphire’s here! :P  At least to help with decorating your apartment to look like a proper Swedish Christmas one.

Tomten – The Santa Claus

The tomte is Santa Clause in Swedish.  Sweden has adorable Santas as they are not really full sized old men with beards and hats kind-of dolls.  They are little round balls with white fuzz as a beard and a red hat, basically an abstract version of Santa.  Be sure to get a couple tomtar and keep one near a window or on the counter.
Tomten

A very tall tomte. I think his hat was two feet tall!
Tomten - Swedish Santa

Varmljus – Candles

Plenty of candles are needed during the cold, dark Swedish winter.  Little tealights are classic and can be safely placed almost anywhere in the house.
This photo below is for when you put up the countdown from Advent to Christmas. Every Sunday until Christmas, you light a candle.
Advent Candles

Julstjärna – Swedish Stars

It’s quite possibly the most Swedish thing you could do: putting up white Swedish Christmas stars at the window.  Watch all the neighbors near you, in three weeks, stars everywhere.  Alas, at least now, people are getting more creative with different colors.
Christmas Stars

Änglar – Swedish Angels

Maybe not super Swedish per se, but angels are needed in all good Christmas decorations. I guess since the snowman is not as popular, angels will do.

If you want to support a great cause and buy Swedish goodies, I highly recommend Sally Ann – The Salvation Army store.  It’s a tiny store on Hornsgatan 94 in Sodermalm and all the products are fair trade.  The Swedish Angels below as well as the candles from above are from there.  I’m going to buy the rest of xmas decor from there!
Swedish Angels
and the most awesome of all…

Julbocken – Swedish Goat (aka the Gävlebocken)

The randomest of all, the julbock is the goat from Gävle, a city three hours north of Stockholm.  In the city square, a 42 feet tall, 23 feet wide, 3 tonnes straw goat is erected. Stig Gavlén, a marketing man, invented the goat in 1966. At that time it only cost 10,000kr to build.  Today it costs 100,000kr and for the last twenty five years, its been burned down.  Yea, a three tonnes beast burned on New Year’s Eve at midnight, all good fun.

Oh, did a little more research about the Yule Goat and its history goes back to pagan times of the Norse gods. Thor, one of the major gods, rode in the sky in a chariot drawn by two goats, Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr. Goats were very valued then. Up until the 19th century in Scandinavia, it was julbocken that distributed christmas presents, not santa claus.

Julbocken - Gavle Goat

Since most us cannot put up a 40 foot tall goat in our apartments, we have little straw goats instead.  Just don’t place them near the candles.

I give up on Swedish people being fashionable or Swedish fashion being trendy; whichever comes first. Tony, one of my friends asked me about Swedish fashion and how Swedes take on the catwalk.

When I moved here last year, it was a horrifying experience already. The 80s, yes the 1980s, look was back in style. As if all us who grew up in the 80s didn’t suffer enough with bad fashion, the major fashion houses took the world by storm in 2007 and gave us black leggings, bad hairdos, baggy t-shirts, all over again. It was horrid. I hoped that when 2008 ended, we would move away from such a travesty, but alas we have not.

The thing is, eventually Swedish women look like cookie cutters because everyone shops at JC, H&M, Lindex, Zara, and that’s it. And now that it is winter, it is even more depressing to see everyone look the same. So here are some fashion tips to not so 80s and drab in Sweden. I also put together some semi terrible outfits below. Please don’t look like them, please.
80s-fashion-zara
1. No more skinny skinny. Those jean that look so tight at the bottom, you have the legs of Bambi and the body of a giraffe. Sorry, women are not meant to show off super skinny ankles/lower leg if they actually have an ass or thighs.

2. Throw out the ballerina shoes. You know them, the flat shoes that are so flat that you might as well wear slippers.

3. Any neon colored leggings (stockings) should be burned. Enough said on neon pink leggings.

4. Do not wear black leggings everyday. I’m pretty sure you have jeans (not the skinny ass ones), khakis, black pants, or anything else to replace black leggings.

5. Loose t-shirt top and high waisted belt can strangle each other in the closet.

80s fashion from JC

80s fashion from JC

She’s not too bad because she doesn’t have the garbage bag with a twisty tie look. You have seen that look: baggy top with a high waist belt holding the top tightly together.  Except the top is made from old cotton and is torn up but trying to look cool.

6. Keep the bracelets to a minimum.  If it takes you more than 30 seconds to put on all the bracelets on your wrists, then you have too many on them!

7. Drop the hobo bag or any other large sized bag. Unless you are 5′10”, honestly a large hobo bag makes you look like a bag lady, just with a better bag.

8. Solid color high heels must die.  Would you honestly buy any of the shoes below and then wear them with black leggings and a garbage bag top?

9. Shoulder pads be gone! If you don’t know what shoulder pads are, then you are too young to remember the 1980s.  Shoulder pads were horribly done in Working Girl and they are still frightening today.

10. Drop the 10 layered look.  I know it’s cold in Sweden, in fact it nearly 7C in the daytime and 3C at night.   Which means, it is not snowing and it is not hell on ice skates like Utah freezing. Wear a normal amount of layers (three plus jacket) that are not all seen and are not all different colors. Please use some sense before going wild with all the greys, blacks, and whites that can be assembled.

11. No more stupid looking boots that EVERYONE owns! Go to another country and pickup something sexier.
80s-fashion-satorialist

Finally, I have a confession to make.  I believe women should dress beautifully. Women’s curves and lines should be accentuated with tasteful, classy clothes to make them look gorgeous.   That’s why I hate the 80s look and how Swedish fashion has nothing to do with looking beautiful and everything to do with looking “fashionable.” Hate to break it to you, but you guys are not French, you will never be as fashionable and beautiful as the French.

Stop worrying about being so trendy and fashion forward, and start looking fabulous.  Be yourself, not a gingerbread man: all the same.

This Monday’s photos of Stockholm is from the Stockholm’s Midnattsloppet (August 15th, 2009) on Saturday night. Now a midnight run would entail running at midnight but for some odd reason, the first heat began at 22:00 and the race officially finished at 00:20. More than 21,000 people run the Midnattsloppet and even teenagers run in the Lilla Midnattsloppet.

The midnight race began in 1982 by a group of runners from Hammarby (a suburb of Stockholm) who wanted a more exciting way to train. It is a 10k run around the island Sodermalm, though previously was in Kungsholmen, and occurs every summer. If you want to join in on a great part marathon, this is the place to do it. And today, the race is also celebrated in Gothenburg and Copenhagen.

midnattsloppet 2009 - dancers!
The dancers crossing the finish line

midnattsloppet 2009 - The finish line
Buildings on Hornsgatan are lit up in beautiful colors as the runners cross the finish line.

The Local is the Swedish Newspaper in English. Basically, their journalists rip articles from Dagens Nyheter, Aftonbladed, Expressen and other Swedish newspapers and translate them into English. While TheLocal Sweden doesn’t have real journalism, at least they provide a service of English translated news for those of us unable to read Swedish.

But I love The Local because they have the most ridiculous stories on the homepage; due to taking after Aftonbladet, the place for Swedish yellow journalism. Everyone once in a while I wonder if TheLocal editors read the home page story titles, because they can look silly.

I found a few days ago a story proclaiming the job situation getting better and then three stories right below that the economy is fairing worse. Talk about irony.

Contradicting Headlines from The Local Sweden

Contradicting Headlines from The Local Sweden

Here are the captions:
Early Signs of Recovery in Stockholm
Foreign investors thrive on the Stockholm Exchange

But…
Rapid Rise in Unemployment Claims
250,000 Swedes Out of Work: Agency
Saab Sales in Sweden near Rock Bottom

Ohhh, Local, you make me laugh off my chair sometimes.