Funny Stuff in Sweden and the World

Today, we need love and some funnies. It’s been a long week with the shootings in Norway.

There’s the Midsommarfitta (Midsommarcunt) group that believes instead of the Midsommar maypole, we should dance around a vagina. The maypole is too paternalistic and sexist in nature, therefore we need something more feminine. I didn’t even know what a maypole is, just a giant cross with flowers.

A man in Austria will be allowed to wear a colander on his head in his driver’s license photo. He is Pastafarian, those that worship the Spaghetti Monster. That just really made me giggle. hehehehe.

I love bunnies because they are just so darn adorable! This little guy is looking for a home.

This is Shelley. She’s an adoptable with the House Rabbit Network in Somerville, MA. You can read more about her on her Petfinder page here.
Please adopt instead of buy.

A 76-year old woman married an 84-year old woman in the first same sex marriage in New York state. Isn’t love wonderful? After all these years, they get to be married!

The Big Yellow Rabbit is in Örebro! Love him or hate him (which I am obviously a lover), he will be around for sometime?
gul kanin örebro

If you have not read Scandinavia and the World, then you better. I love Humon’s witty style and ability to pull out cultural, political nuances of our society.

Swedish Cuisine & Food from A to Ö

Here are a few fun facts from A to Ö when it comes to Swedish food and cuisine. There’s also the famous Swedish brands and companies and Swedish names.

Smaklust - Cheese platter

I’ve included popular pastries and desserts, dishes (like Janson’s temption), food items, drinks, and typical dishes served at Swedish holiday (Christmas, Easter)

I am missing foods for some of the letters below, please let me know and I will add them.

A – arraksboll, Ahlgrens bilar
B – blåbärssoppa, blodkorv, budapestbakelse
C – chokladboll, Champis
D – dill (have it have it on färsk potatis!)
E – enbärslax
F – fiskbullar, färsk potatis (at midsummer), Flygande Jacob, falukorv, filmjölk, fil
G – gravad lax, gröt, glögg
H – hjortron (cloudberry), herregård
I – isterband, ischoklad
J – Janssons frestelse, Julskinka, julsenap
K – köttbullar, kanelbullar, kåldolmar, knäckebröd, kladdkaka, knäck, kräftskiva, kallas kaviar
L – lax, lingon sylt (lingonberry jam), lutfisk
M – marmelad
N – nypponsoppa
O – ostkaka
P – princesstårta, pytt i panna, pannkakor, palt, prinskorv, punschrulle, pepparkakor, plättar, prästost
Q – quark (kesella)
R – raggmunk, renkorv, rabarbarpaj
S – sill, semlor, saffronbullar, surströmming, smörgåstårta, spettekaka, smultron, skum
T – Trocadero
U – ukama (a variety of Swedish potatoes found in the winter time)
V – våfflor
W –
X –
Y –
Z –
Å – Åkerö (a type of Swedish apple)
Ä – ärtsoppa
Ö – öl… just kidding!

Take Quizzes About Sweden

I’m bored and have nothing to write about. Instead, take the quizzes below and I’ll compile them into a post.

What do hate about Sweden?

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What do you love about Sweden?

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What's your favorite fika cake?

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What godis (candy) do you love?

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What do you love about Swedish fashion?

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Swedish Men are

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Swedish Women are

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How long have you been in Sweden?

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Are you:

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Are you?

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The World’s Most Expensive Cities

When I was doing research about the cost of living in Stockholm, I found a neat article from Business Week about the world’s most expensive cities. It’s not unusual that all the Nordic cities appeared on the list but rather amusing how much we pay for some basic items.

Norway, was as usual, epic in pricing with Oslo ranking in at number two and Stavanger, the oil capital, at number 6.

Number 2: Oslo, Norway
FOOD: Lunch at a restaurant: $43
Can of beer from grocer: $4.71
One kg of rice: $5.66
One dozen eggs: $6.72
ENTERTAINMENT: Movie ticket: $16

They forgot to mention a BEER at a restaurant is $12 and a pizza for one costs $20 (at least in Narvik). Goddamn Norway.

No. 6: Stavanger, Norway
FOOD: Lunch at a restaurant: $33
Can of beer from grocer: $4.76
One kg of rice: $5.71
One dozen eggs: $6.34
ENTERTAINMENT: Movie ticket: $15.50

No. 8: Copenhagen, Denmark
FOOD: Lunch at a restaurant: $36
Can of beer from grocer: $2.10
One kg of rice: $4.85
One dozen eggs: $6.99
DVD rental per night: $8 <--WTF?! (Perhaps rent a dvd online for cheaper?)
ENTERTAINMENT: Movie ticket: $15
APPLIANCES: Washing machine: $1,196 <-- seriously, WTF! I hope happiness is free there.

No. 14: Helsinki, Finland
FOOD: Lunch at a restaurant: $25
Can of beer from grocer: $3.02
One kg of rice: $3.42
One dozen eggs: $3.54
English magazine: $8
ENTERTAINMENT: Movie ticket: $15
APPLIANCES: Washing machine: $780

No. 21: Stockholm, Sweden
Rank in 2009: 80 <-- due to the strengthening kronor, wow FOOD: Lunch at a restaurant: $15 Can of beer from grocer: $2.07 One kg rice: $3.77 One dozen eggs: $4.36 Beer bar: $9 ENTERTAINMENT: Movie ticket: $14 APPLIANCES: Washing machine: $865 Sucky rental market – Priceless

Some things to note: ECA International based their rankings on a basket of 128 goods that includes food, daily goods, clothing, electronics, and entertainment, but not rent, utilities, and school fees. Their guide is geared towards expatriate employees so some cities like Kinshasa or Luanda are technically not expensive cities to live rent-wise.

The World’s Happinest Nations: Damn You Denmark!

In the Peanuts cartoons, it was considered that happiness is a warm puppy; someone to love and someone to love you unconditionally.

peanuts snoopy happiness puppy

Real life has it that happiness is a combination of money, health, education, wealth, and the occasional blond girl. Danmark, full of blond girls that also happens to be a country with a healthy and educated population placed in at number one as the happiest people on Earth in a study released by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The poll was conducted by Gallup World Poll and questioned 136,000 people between 2005 and 2006 in 132 countries.

The rest of the happy people? Finland, Norway, The Netherlands, Costa Rica, Canada, Switzerland, New Zealand, Sweden, Austria, Australia, United States, Belgium, Brazil and Panama round out the top 15 happiest countries.

If you happen to live in the Nordic Region (sorry Iceland, that volcano doesn’t bode well) or in Central and Northern America, you should be a happy person. Not a happy person because of the insufferable winters in the arctic regions? Then you screwed up pal, because the Danes, Swedes, Norwegians, Finns, and Canadians love their snow so much they are damn happy people (I have 42 reasons and an awesome Swedish house to prove it).

The 2006 World Happiness Map from WHO
happiness map oecd

Of course, Danes also have the highest amount of burnout and psychological problems in the world but we will ignore that. After all, the Danes seem to be happy about a messed up work force and their Carlsberg beers.

Stupid Emails I Receive

I get some awesome from people who read this blog. And many times, I don’t have time to answer them all. I’m really sorry but sometimes life, work, and everything else takes over and I cannot answer your email. Please don’t hate me, but you can think I’m an idiot.

And so in the spirit of idiocy, I thought I would like to share the dumbest, stupidest, weirdest emails I have received.

This list is in no particular order, but rest assured, I will never email those people.
—-


How’s it going?

I like your blog, and was wondering if you’d be open to a guest post? I am offering it free. You can make editorial changes and pick the title. It will be unique, high quality, and save you time. The article would contain links to some of my sites.

Sincerely,
Andrew Wang


—–
note from Sapphire: turns out the website was a poor quality dating site with really bland information. the company that owns that site also owns so true credit card reports and lenox china sites. sounds totally legit!

—–
Do you wish you could increase your online leads? We have helped a lot of businesses thrive in this market and we can help you! Simply hit reply and I’ll share with you the cost and the benefits.
—–
–> note from Sapphire: I get a lot of SEO spam. It’s rather funny when an SEO company spams me and thinks they will have my business. How stupid are they??

—–
im single from lebanon my name is elias turk i would love to work and live in sweden im 20 smart,quick learner and healthy
—–

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hi am young man i wanna meet and make relation with sweet swidish girl
—–

—–
To whom this may concern.I took a flight back from Amsterdam, NL. on the 23rd of December 2010, to Munch Germany. I checked in a bag as an extra suitcase,payed an extra 55.00 Euros and I tried to call the luggage tracing department of KLM in Amsterdam and nobody is able to help me. Today is the 8th of January 2011, and I have no nowledge of where my luggage is at or what is going on. I would really appreciate for you to contact me, asap. My phone number in Germany is 09662-7027210. I thank you in advance.
Sincerly
Arno Nortan

—–
–> FYI from Sapphire, I am not an airline. Even though that would be really cool.

—–
i am 34 short dark hair slim looking for someone beetween 10 to 40 for fun or love to look after
—–

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hi its che how you doin am looking for a very fine swedish girl to share love with cus i lov them so much
—–

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i invite young lady to visit india,stay with me/family as family friend.i will look after her.sould be sincere
—–

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Hi I am Hailemariam from Ethiopia and I want to meet sweedish womens
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—–
hi
this is nick from xyz.com
i have across your website by google and read some post on your blog. right now i am looking at distribute our t-shirts product to sweden. can you please suggest some cool market or shops. it will be great help
xyz.com
thank you

—–
note from sapphire: i really didn’t know what this guy wanted me to do. find him businesses? get him leads?

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I would like to purchase Swedish Julbocken gaaaaaaate goatss Pirces and shipping, Swedish stars, prices, etc. Swedish tomtens, prices, etc. I live in So. Caslifornia. Thank you
—–

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High there,i am a ghanaian and wish to take you as a friend that may lead to true marriage,thanks,-fred
—–

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dear sir;
i hope to be busines between us im wissam from lebanon and i gave to you my email address to contact each other you can reply. thx wissam kaddoura

—–
note from sapphire: what the hell is he saying?!

If you have your own stupid emails to post, do share!

You know You’ve been in Sweden Too Long…

I am coming up on my third winter in Sweden. Third winter! How the hell I survived the first two is beyond measure (the first was fine, the second was being affixed to a overloaded iced cake).

For the past month, I have been more serious and thoughtful with my posts; especially controversial. Hell, who doesn’t love controversy and bashing? If I write about Swedish men singing, no one would comment. If it was a group of naked Swedish men with flatbreads dancing on TV, I might get more comments. Oh yea, and here’s the video of The Dance of the Crispbread:
(WARNING – YOU MAY LAUGH YOUR BUTT OFF, PLUS SEE MEN’S BUTTS)

To try not to fall into November depression and psych myself out for Christmas in Sweden, I found a list of “You know you’ve been in Sweden too long.” The current list is more than 400 items! And they are funny. Bat shit funny.

I extracted 100 points and added a few of my own. Grab your stor stark because you know you have been in Sweden too long if…

  1. Pagan and religious holidays are just a cover to get trashed.
  2. The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/chemist etc. is to look for the queue number machine.
  3. You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.
  4. You wonder how people afford beer.
  5. You are disturbed when no one gives you a bed sheet and bedding set when you crash on their couch.
  6. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume:
  7. a: he is drunk
    b: he is insane
    c: he’s an American

  8. You don’t think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry.
  9. A friend asks about your holiday plans and you answer “Oh, I’m going to Europe!” meaning any other Western European country outside of Sweden.
  10. Wearing black leggings with floral dresses is fashionable.
  11. You buy red pants for your sambo because it is fashionable.
  12. A sambo is not the same as a samba, särbo, or mambo.
  13. You can spot a stekare, a Swedo, because of his hair gel trail across Stureplan.
  14. You see a student taking a front row seat on the bus and wonder “Who does he think he is?”
  15. Silence is fun.
  16. The reason you take the ferry to Finland is:
  17. a: duty free vodka
    b: duty free beer
    c: to party hard. .. no need to get off the boat in Helsinki, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Sweden.

  18. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.
  19. You pass a supermarket and think “Wow, it is open, I had better go in an buy something!”
  20. A sharp intake of breath has become part of your vocabulary, as has the sound “Jah hahh”
  21. Your native language has seriously deteriorated. Now you begin to “eat medicine”, “open the television”, “close the lights off”, “take a beer”, “look upon everything” and tell someone to “follow with me” or “you needn’t to!” You start to say “for 2 years ago” and expressions like “Don’t panic” creep into your everyday language.
  22. Having someone go home from work early because the dog sitter left is not weird.
  23. Your notion of street life is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.
  24. Your bad mood becomes your good mood.
  25. Sundays no longer seem dull with all the shops closed, and begin to feel restful instead.
  26. “No comment” becomes a conversation strategy.
  27. Wearing anything else than black clothing during the wintertime would be sacrilegious.
  28. You have only two facial expressions – smiling or blank. Also your arms are just hanging down when you chat with other people.
  29. The fact that all of the “v’s” and the “w’s” are together in the phone directory seems right.
  30. Your old habit of being “fashionably late” is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.
  31. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.
  32. You begin to understand Johan Tornberg’s broadcast of the hockey game.
  33. You wear scarves all the time; even in the summer.
  34. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
  35. a: they are drunk
    b: they are Finnish
    c: they are American
    d: all of the above

  36. You give up on trying to find fat-free food and pile on the butter, cream and sugar.
  37. You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
  38. You eat herring in 105 ways.
  39. Your front step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.
  40. You start to differentiate between types of snow.
  41. You get offended if, at a dinner party, someone fails to look you in the eyes after raising their glass for a toast
  42. Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.
  43. You become extremely skilled at assembling pre-packaged furniture kits.
  44. “Candles” are a permanent fixture on your weekly shopping list.
  45. You think being a rebel is crossing the street with a red walk man sign.
  46. You think it is normal EVERYTHING is regulated and you obey the rules voluntarily.
  47. When someone asks you for “sex” you assume they mean half-a-dozen.
  48. All winter you dream of what you will do in summer, and summer is the warmest day of the year
  49. Bringing dead sticks indoors at Easter and hanging coloured feathers on them seems a good way to celebrate spring.
  50. You start eating egg and bacon instead of bacon and eggs.
  51. You ringed somebody yesterday instead of you rang them.
  52. You look at the cracks and dog poop on the sidewalk instead of smiling at people.
  53. Your husband is very long instead of being very tall.
  54. You understand The Swedish Look.
  55. You think coffee is supposed to look and taste like mud, complete with a mouthful of coffee ground sediment.
  56. You pay the TV-avgift because you think you’re getting your money’s worth watching SVT.
  57. You start looking at socialbidrag (welfare) less as an absolutely desperate last resort and more as a way of life.
  58. When someone says “Cheers” you look at everyone in turn before drinking.
  59. You know that going for a coffee is a first date.
  60. You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.
  61. You pour filmjölk (soured milk) on your Kellogg’s Frosties.
  62. You put tomato sauce (as in Heinz Big Red) on your macaroni. Just tomato sauce. And love it.
  63. Planning your day around buying alcohol is perfectly normal. Because everyone wants to spends their lunch hour in the queue at the alcohol store.
  64. You start believing that good service is overrated.
  65. You don’t even get surprised when the doctor, not only can’t help you, he/she can’t even diagnose you.
  66. You take it as a given that your wife/husband will get so wasted on Midsommar that he/she will end up in bed with someone other than yourself.
  67. You tailgate people who are driving 120 on the freeway.
  68. You hide 5 or 6 bottles of spirits in your suitcase, one or two in your backpack, and put just one in the duty free shopping bag.
  69. You think there is nothing wrong with planning Christmas around Kalle Anka (Donald Duck).
  70. You don’t even think about what you are saying when you are off to the shop to buy your favourite brand of cat food, and you say, “Be right back love, I’m just gonna go get some Pussi”
  71. You start to miss falukorv when you go on vacation
  72. You would never ever even consider using a metal knife on the butter.
  73. While visiting England someone gives you directions and says, “It’s about 5 miles down the road.” You in turn ask, “Are you talking Swedish miles or English miles?”
  74. You only leave the country to stockpile cheap alcohol.
  75. Drinking is the fundamental pillar of your social network, be it coffee or alcohol.
  76. You aimlessly chat using SMS.
  77. A “big strong one” is a beer.
  78. You find that you can’t spell in English anymore. You now replace C with K. Like panik, automatik, seasik, arithmetik…. and you try to remember does papper/paper have one or two p’s in English?
  79. You still wonder how people afford beer on the weekends. And weekdays too.
  80. You think that the 25kr ICA bonus cheque is generous after spending 2500kr in their shop.
  81. It seems normal to you that you’ve been bleeding in the emergency room at the hospital for four and a half hours when the three doctors walk by on their third coffee break since you got there.
  82. You know every Swedish brand and random fact.
  83. When someone cuts you off on the freeway and instead of giving them the finger, you simply mumble “eedeeyout” under your breath.
  84. You even lock your car to take a pee on the side of the road.
  85. You no longer think it odd that you talk to your kids in English and they answer in Swedish.
  86. You find it completely natural that otherwise sensible people dress up in silly hats on several occasions in August in order to eat crayfish and drink as much schnaps as possible.
  87. You eat open faced sandwiches.
  88. Christmas has changed so much that you only associate it with rice porridge, lucia cats, and Donald Duck.
  89. You don’t think twice about calling someone in the next room using your mobile phone.
  90. People buy you a drink in November because they remember when you bought them one in March.
  91. Opening your Christmas presents on the 24th of December no longer seems like cheating.
  92. You eagerly await Eurovision and Melodiefestivaln during the wintertime.
  93. You can use bra, fart, and slut in the same sentence without giggling.
  94. You don’t understand why your friend from Mississipi took offence when you referred to him as a yankee.
  95. If you meet someone you haven’t seen in ages you just stay right where you are chatting away even if that happens to be in the doorway of a very busy department store.
  96. You stop thinking you’re being yelled at every time you hear “Hey!”
  97. You either run for the last pendeltåg at 1 am or choose to party on until 5 am when they start again rather than endure the horrific night bus home, as a taxi ride would require taking out a 2nd mortgage.
  98. ICA is not I.C.A – it’s eeka.
  99. Gift is not a present but it could be dangerous (whether it is poison or marriage)
  100. You know that “fan” is a swearword, and not an admirer or an air conditioner.
  101. You eat pizza with a knife and fork.
  102. The only thing in your quick memory is “Hej” and “Hej Hej” in swedish
  103. You think Sweden is big (because you always compare it to Finland, Norway or Iceland)
  104. You think is perfectly normal that people get in to nightclubs/restaurants with innerbandy stick and shopping bags.
  105. You think is perfectly normal that nobody talks on the bus, train or tunnelbana.
  106. You accept that people talk to you only when they are really drunk.
  107. Food delivery, like Spisa hemma, is cool because you don’t have to go to EEKA in 3 meters of snow.
  108. You’ve won the lottery when you dive bomb into SystemBolaget 23 seconds after it officially closed.
  109. You accept that the best answer for a question is always “Jag vet inte” meaning “I don’t know”.
  110. You know the Swedish “Jo” sounds is like a “yo-yo” and when you pronounce Johan, it looks pretty funny – Yo-Juan!
  111. You are laughing because you know this is all painfully true.
  112. You buy an ( S ) sticker for your Volvo even if you are living outside the borders of Sweden.
  113. Reading this makes you wonder why the hell you moved to Sweden in the first place.

Why do Swedish Doors Open Outwards and other Mysteries about Sweden

“Why do Swedish doors open outwards?”

“Why is the Swedish flag blue and yellow?”

“Why do Swedish men give the look?”

“Why can’t Sweden make a decent loaf of bread?”

“Does Kalles Kaviar break Geneva convention rules?”

Thanks to Dano for the inspiration, we need a thread not related to Swedish dating or why cigarette butts are not thrown away. And damnit, we need the answer to life’s mystery: what’s with the small frogs at midsummer?

Post your question and myself or another equally brilliant Swedo, Americano, Britso, Italiano will have an insightful answer. Or multiple answers.

And yes, I am still wondering why there are no real good bakeries in Stockholm. Where can I buy a pain au chocolat?!

Famous Swedish Brands & Companies from A to Ö

Always wonder what more comes from Sweden besides Dancing Queen and Absolute Mango? Well, here’s a list of brands, companies, musicians, and stores that all originate from little nordic country called Sweden. From A to Ö.

A – ABBA, Absolut Vodka, AstraZeneca; Acne Jeans
B – Björn Borg
C – Cardigans
D – Dynamite, Dalahäst
E – Ericsson
F – Filippa K
G – Girls, Greta Garbo
H – H&M, Hasselblad, Hästens
I – IKEA, Ingmar Bergman
J – Jantelag
K – Koenigsegg, Kent
L – Läkerol, Lagom
M – Malaco, Midsummer, Movits, Marabou
N – Nordiska Kompaniet
O – Olle
P – Pirate Bay, Pripps Blå, Pacemaker, Permobil (thanks Natalie)
Q –
R – Roxette, Rebtel
S – Saab, Swedish Chef, Smörgåsbord, Snus, Scania, Spotify, SAS, Swedish Fish
T – Tetra Pak
U – Ullevi Stadium, Umeå
V – Volvo
W – Wallenstam
X –
Y – Yngve
Z – Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Zippers
Ä –
Å – Åhleans
Ö – Öland

Am still missing for Q, X, and Ä. Let me know if there are more companies to add for Sweden.  Hope you enjoyed fun facts from here.  And, there will be a post on Swedish food from A to Ö soon!