It wasn’t enough that I had to spend 2008 and 2009 in a fashion black hole when it came to Swedes’ sensibility on the catwalk.
Now that it’s summer again, I am faced with the fashion horror everywhere I walk. The 80s fashion look is back in full force but in a different way. The extra large garbage bag shirts with twisty ties are replaced with smaller garbage bag shirts with neon colors.
And girls still wear black short leggings no matter what color dress they wear. Pink skirt? Black leggings. White flower dress? Black leggings. C’mon people!!! GET OFF THE BLACK OBSESSION! We don’t want to see knee length black leggings when you are wearing an adorable printed skirt.
Splendid Willow remarked that Odd Molly’s pretty summer Swedish fashion was full of flowers and romantic yet modern style. I rarely see these beautiful dresses on the streets of Stockholm.
And what’s with the men and the myriad of red pants? Did the Red Pants Shop have a sale of buy 1 get 10 free? While I do love that Swedish men have style (there’s no baggy ass jeans with dirty t-shirts), in typical Swedish style, everyone looks the same. Some women even match by wearing the neon blue pants (see photo 9). And by the way, this look originated in the 1970s according to the exhibition at Nordiska Museet.
My friends and I tried some H&M sale clothes last week. Not only was the selection disastrous in colors, prints, and styles, we figured the best way of showing off our Swedish fashion was to try them on.
Black Jean dress with frills. NOTE: A brightly yellow sticker was attached to let you know that color leaks onto furniture. Brilliant, just what I wanted to buy…
Next look: Pull up jean leggings with neon t-shirt. If you grew up in the 1980s and your parents did not torture you enough with stupid leggings and crazy graffiti neon pink tops, well, here’s your chance to do it again!
Long sleeve Grey T-shirt with Fuchsia belt and lingerie top. This horrible look says it all.
I maybe too old or unhip but I am lost in Swedish fashion. It is unflattering on women and disfigures their feminine bodies. No one should wear black leggings with pretty dresses. That’s not just wrong but sacrilegious to the airy, summer love feeling.
I give up on Swedish people being fashionable or Swedish fashion being trendy; whichever comes first. Tony, one of my friends asked me about Swedish fashion and how Swedes take on the catwalk.
When I moved here last year, it was a horrifying experience already. The 80s, yes the 1980s, look was back in style. As if all us who grew up in the 80s didn’t suffer enough with bad fashion, the major fashion houses took the world by storm in 2007 and gave us black leggings, bad hairdos, baggy t-shirts, all over again. It was horrid. I hoped that when 2008 ended, we would move away from such a travesty, but alas we have not.
The thing is, eventually Swedish women look like cookie cutters because everyone shops at JC, H&M, Lindex, Zara, and that’s it. And now that it is winter, it is even more depressing to see everyone look the same. So here are some fashion tips to not so 80s and drab in Sweden. I also put together some semi terrible outfits below. Please don’t look like them, please.
1. No more skinny skinny. Those jean that look so tight at the bottom, you have the legs of Bambi and the body of a giraffe. Sorry, women are not meant to show off super skinny ankles/lower leg if they actually have an ass or thighs.
2. Throw out the ballerina shoes. You know them, the flat shoes that are so flat that you might as well wear slippers.
3. Any neon colored leggings (stockings) should be burned. Enough said on neon pink leggings.
4. Do not wear black leggings everyday. I’m pretty sure you have jeans (not the skinny ass ones), khakis, black pants, or anything else to replace black leggings.
5. Loose t-shirt top and high waisted belt can strangle each other in the closet.
She’s not too bad because she doesn’t have the garbage bag with a twisty tie look. You have seen that look: baggy top with a high waist belt holding the top tightly together. Except the top is made from old cotton and is torn up but trying to look cool.
6. Keep the bracelets to a minimum. If it takes you more than 30 seconds to put on all the bracelets on your wrists, then you have too many on them!
7. Drop the hobo bag or any other large sized bag. Unless you are 5’10”, honestly a large hobo bag makes you look like a bag lady, just with a better bag.
8. Solid color high heels must die. Would you honestly buy any of the shoes below and then wear them with black leggings and a garbage bag top?
9. Shoulder pads be gone! If you don’t know what shoulder pads are, then you are too young to remember the 1980s. Shoulder pads were horribly done in Working Girl and they are still frightening today.
10. Drop the 10 layered look. I know it’s cold in Sweden, in fact it nearly 7C in the daytime and 3C at night. Which means, it is not snowing and it is not hell on ice skates like Utah freezing. Wear a normal amount of layers (three plus jacket) that are not all seen and are not all different colors. Please use some sense before going wild with all the greys, blacks, and whites that can be assembled.
11. No more stupid looking boots that EVERYONE owns! Go to another country and pickup something sexier.
Finally, I have a confession to make. I believe women should dress beautifully. Women’s curves and lines should be accentuated with tasteful, classy clothes to make them look gorgeous. That’s why I hate the 80s look and how Swedish fashion has nothing to do with looking beautiful and everything to do with looking “fashionable.” Hate to break it to you, but you guys are not French, you will never be as fashionable and beautiful as the French.
Stop worrying about being so trendy and fashion forward, and start looking fabulous. Be yourself, not a gingerbread man: all the same.