Married? Life is Short. Have an affair.

That is the new advertisement I am seeing all over Stockholm. They started a couple days ago and in Swedish say, “Är du gift? Gör livet levande – ha en affär.” And this ad was at a bus stop. You know, a place where kids can hang out and ask their parents why people should have affairs.

It could be just my liberal mind, but this seems warped. Actually closer to f’ed up. A company actively promoting adultery?
married? have an affair dating site
This is from Victoria Milan a dating site that’s like the other oddly British named company Ashley Madison (though not British). Great how both have old British names.

And even better that when you do a Google search for the competitor Ashley Madison, half the results are for “Ashley Madison: Scam or Site” but actually are veiled sites in support of the company.

We have a company that has “scam” reviews on the homepage of Google. Then both the IP address and mail server of AshleyMadison.com also serve the domains statisticsoninfidelity.com and whenmonogamybecomesmonotony.org. Sounds like a good place to do business. You know, loyal and all.

Victoria Milan, the company with the classy bus stop ads promoting infidelity in the United Kingdom, Norway, Sweden, and Denmark seems to be the newcomer. Dating in Sweden has just become that more complicated.

So while adultery is no longer a crime in most countries and US states, you can still file for divorce and take everything if you can prove infidelity. Though Victoria Milan has an “Ethics and Law” statement on their site that says, “We are not celebrating nor promoting adultery,” doesn’t a bus stop advertisement count as promoting adultery? Or was this a valuable PSA to all the kids out there?

I smell subpoenas for two companies promoting violating a sacrosanct commitment.

Wow, and I thought I was liberal!

Love Stockholm 2010 and The Swedish Royal Wedding

The wedding of Crown Princess Victoria and Daniel Westling is less than a month away on Saturday June 19th. For Sweden, this is akin to the late Lady Princess Diana’s wedding to Prince Charles. Crown Princess Victoria will inherit the throne from her father King Carl XVI Gustaf. Oh, and daddy will walk her down the aisle.

For Stockholm, it means two weeks of partying and events for the city in the amorous events of Love Stockholm 2010. The two week celebrations begins on Swedish National Day, June 6th and concludes on the day of the wedding, June 19th. If you are not of the 660 invited guests taking part in the 20 million kronor wedding affair, be sure to see one of the special events organized by Love Stockholm.

Some highlights are:

Pop Up Art 100 – art exhibition by young Swedish artists
Pop Up Art is an organization for and by young artists. The aim is to create unique and interesting art exhibitions which serves as a meeting place between young art and our audience. Pop Up Art 100 consists of 100 artworks, 100 cm wide and 100 cm high, from 100 young Swedish artists.


Shake My World invites you to Single lunches with various lectures


A Princess Wedding – past and present
This guided tour will tell the story of Lovisa Ulrika, who came to Sweden to marry the Crown Prince in 1744. They had never met. Lovisa Ulrika was a Preussian princess, with taste for culture and music. The “Drottningholm music” was composed for her wedding and the Drottningholm theater built for her pleasure. In Duke Carl’s pavilion in front of the theater, there is an exhibition with opera costumes suitable for royalties.


We love the History of Sweden!
The exihibition ”History of Sweden” will give you an exciting experience of the last 1000 years of events and developments in Sweden. Meet kings and queens, rascals and clergymen, knights and maidens, craftsmen and workers, witches and common people from ten centuries in a captivating mixture!
Admission: Adults 70 SEK, senior citizens, students 50 SEK, groups (more than 8) 40 SEK. Free admission up to 19 years.


Love tour for singles in Swedish
”Thine for ever” is the inscription often used for example in wedding rings. People promise one another eternal fidelity and lifelong love. In the Middle Ages, however, love was seldom the cause of marriage. There were often other reasons, not least financial. A marriage might be of importance to the whole family. But of course there was love. Runic inscriptions on sticks and bone show that even people in medieval times were capable of writing passionate declarations of love. This tour in Swedish takes up a wide range of different themes.


Design Bernadotte in Örebro
During the summer an exhibition is displayed on Sigvard Bernadotte’s activities in the handicrafts and industrial design. Here are beloved and familiar objects Margret bowl, opener Red Clara and the classical laminate pattern “Virrvarr”. Visitors also encounter a rich selection of silverware, office appliances, spectacle frames and much more out of Sigvard Bernadotte’s production design.


Make Musik STHLM : We will rock you Stage
All the outdoor concerts of Make Musik STHLM are free and open to everyone. Come and join us to celebrate music, either you want to play or listen to it!


You can visit the Love Stockholm website to get the full program which will be available in June.

love stockholm 2010 map

I will also put together a fun facts and bits about the Royal Wedding in the next post.

10 Commandments of being a Pick Up Artist

After taking the blue pill and heading down the rabbit hole of the pick up artist industry, I learned a lot of the industry teachings is about instilling common sense and confidence in men.

This is third part to my series about the Stockholm Sweden Day Game Workshop I attended under the dating coach Jeremy Soul and under the Love Systems Corporation.
Part I: Umm, you wanna be a Pick Up Artist?
Part II: Playing THE Game by Challenging Darwin’s Game

On a side note, Love Systems is the company that evolved from Mystery Method, as made famous by Neil Strauss’ book, The Game. Love Systems is today riding high on crack because of its ability of taking the pick up artist industry (PUA) and turning it into a scientific method.

The training
Four hours in the classroom and four hours in the field. For those counting beans, the whole workshop is $1495 for the day. Yes, US Dollars. C’mom boys, give me your Benjamins and i will teach you the way into a woman’s universe. While it is pricey for a cheap bastard like me, I highly recommend it if your love life is in a rut and needs to be kicked started again.

And what did we learn? I created my list that is inspired by Jeremy Soul. ALL these commandments are important for even the Swedish man to find a girl; after all, we do spend plenty of time complaining that Swedish men are bad at picking up Swedish girls.

Sapphire’s 10 Commandments of Meeting Women:

  1. 1. Accept Rejection –  It happens to all of us: we are rejected by some pretty guy or girl.  Don’t be disheartened; throw out the negative thoughts and move on.  And while you may have sulked and cried about it in the past, don’t do that now.  It’s wasted tears and energy.
  2. 2. Don’t Expect to Get Every Girl – Going hand in hand with Commandment 1, not every girl is attracted to you and vice versa.  Sometimes you will see a beautiful girl and then start talking to her and realize, “blaggg, this one is emotionally vacant for me.”  That’s cool, just go talk to another girl.
  3. 3. Be Confident – Working through the rejection part is the first step of being confident.  Love your work, your hobbies, your friends, your family and you will be confident. Exuding confidence is akin to pheromones; women go crazy when they see men who are sure of themselves.
  4. 4. Have a Personality –  Have you spoke to someone who had the personality of a cardboard box?  It was so painful that you wanted to recycle them or crumple them up right away.  Be creative and excited about your life.  If you don’t know how to have fun with your life, why should any girl care about you?  And be sure to demonstrate that you have a personality, ie. “I love running everyday” or “Hiking on the glaciers was the best sport I ever did” Whatever it is, show the girl that you have a personality.
  5. 5. Don’t Be Drunk – Biggest turnoff ever. EVER.  Drunk guys do not produce good pick up lines.
  6. 6. Have a Good Wingman – Wingmen are the guys that you go with when meeting women, especially in the evening.  Having a wingman will allow you to have a higher status and meet girls in groups.  And a good wingman is a guy who can back you up, know when to step down, entertain the other girls, and overall, make you look good.
  7. 7. Try, Try, Try Again – Don’t give on picking up women, it is tantamount to romantic suicide.  Be confident that you have the ability to speak to women and that you are decent guy just trying to make his way.
  8. 8. Travel –  Traveling away from your comfort zone will force you to interact and meet new people.  You will also have fun stories to share and broaden your knowledge of the word.
  9. 9. Poor Posture will Kill You, Literally – Stop slouching and stand up straight.  Remember when your mom bugged you to not hunch over?  Keep you back straight, shoulders back, and stomach tucked in (not sucked in).  Poor body language sends a subconscious message that you have low self esteem.  If you are approaching Swedish girls especially, they love confident looking men.  A slouchy guy who doesn’t stand properly is not that.
  10. 10. Pick Up Lines Must Not Be Lame – The “Hey baby, how’s it going?” line is so lame is makes me laugh and cry every time I hear it used.  Or the “What’s your name sweetheart?  Can I get your number?” Nooo, why the fuck should I give you my number, I have no idea who you are creepy bastard.

Playing THE Game by Challenging Darwin’s Game

When Jeremy Soul first invited me to attend his day game pick up artist boot camp for Love Systems, I was really excited.  And then I felt really weird going to stalk a group a guys on learning how to pick up girls and then head out in the “field” to try out their newly learned skills.

Last week for eight hours I learned what men learned about women.  Before you give me the smack down that dating systems are stupid and full of douche bags, the aim is what we girls always wanted: a nice guy that can talk to girls.

The guys I met were your average Joes, average Svens you could say. They were good looking guys, all with jobs and some sort of life aspirations but missing a girl in their lives. The men attending are one of two types: 1. newly single and now thrown back to the wolverines; 2. men of good status looking to meet women.

As I found out and well suspected, men have tried for eons to successfully woe women.  It is in our DNA; humans are meant to procreate and those that don’t, clean up the gene pool a bit more and allow for stronger, smarter, more beautiful, more tactful creatures to evolve to the next generation.  That’s what so amazing about dating; at the end of the day there’s only one real goal: survival.  On one hand, being humans, we have slapped Darwin in the face and defied death, diseases, and now mating.  Okay, I’m being extremely harsh.

On the other hand, we are giving men who lack a certain je ne sais quoi to effectively compete on the mad race to find a suitable mate.   If we look at birds, it would be like teaching male birds how to build a better nest and increase the level and standards of competition.  That’s what Love Systems does; give men tools to bring the playing field to a move equitable level for men of different status levels.   And you know what? It’s a good thing.  Because somehow the human species is caught up in some perverse game of the most obnoxious men taking women and leaving the rest of the male species to duke it out at lower levels.   Well, fuck that.  There are plenty of men who without some sort of dating help would be at a loss, yet on a genetic level, are perfect mates.

Jeremy who teaches day game workshops turns concept of survival of the fittest on its head by bringing in the group of men that were excluded from the Darwin’s game because they couldn’t get past first base with women; and therefore would not survive to the next generation.  That’s profound.   Let’s teach good men to meet women.   And ladies, the female species is seeking exactly this: quality men of good social standing to produce offspring for the next generation.

But before I give you the whole lowdown on pick up artists as an interloper, what do you think men need to to do to meet women?

And girls, what are your worst stories of men hitting you, at the bar, in the club, on the street, whatever?

Milk and Cookies Boys … The Nice Guys

Milk and cookies boys was a term coined up back in high school by my friend Miss Jade.  A milk and cookie guy is someone essentially who loves his mom, helps out in the housework, has female friends that are just friends, cleans up after himself, enjoys chatting and shopping with chicks, and respects women.

In some ways Swedish boys seem to fit the description to a tee.  After all these years of searching for the elusive, yet tasty, milk and cookies guys, there is an abundance of them in Sweden.  Had I been looking in all the wrong places all these years or the concept of the nice guy, blasted too harshly by American media, was an endangered species? Are American men overrun by social stigmas of nice guys finishing last?   Or do Swedes do what they see right and in return, many follow the “nice guy” routine (though not finishing last)?

With that said, most girls want a milk and cookies guy in the long run but just can’t date them in the short run. It is the bad boy attitude women love. Girls do not love the nice boy next door, because he’s just too tame and boring. Or he’s just too nice. Bad boys treat girls like crap and yet, we will do whatever for them.  Bad boys are the devilish chocolate cakes:  loaded with creme, chocolate curls on the frosting, cherries, calories, and the guilty aftermath feeling.

What we like about the triple layered chocolate cake boys:

  • confidence and a high self esteem (like whipped cream)
  • know how to compliment (cherries on the top)
  • love to party and know how to have fun (three layers of chocolate cake)
  • have balls (creme between the cake layers)
  • can play the game (frosting on the cake)
  • act gentlemanly at bars and at dinner (chocolate curls on the frosting)

The problem with the milk and cookies boys:

  • shy (sugar)
  • lack confidence to ask a girl out (flour)
  • cannot flirt well (vanilla)
  • too sweet and nauseating at times (eggs)
  • easily run over by a woman (baking powder)
  • boring (vanilla)

I met the definition of a nice guy in Sweden sometime back. He was just so nice that I was honestly bored out of my mind. Bored! He would make a lovely husband, but his personality was too nice, like a unicorn, I felt doing any serious craziness would kill him. Like in Harry Potter, killing a unicorn is the most vile act possible. Like this guy, a super duper nice Swedish guy, I would have killed him out of boredom. And yet he would be a highly eligible bachelor: nice, smart, educated, on the right path. All the right things.

But I digress, the point is, he was THE milk and cookies guy and I totally didn’t care for him.

If the nice boys just got some balls and style, we would have chocolate chip oatmeal cookies instead of butter cookies.  They are tasty and sweet and don’t pack the guilt like devil’s chocolate cake.  Þorbjörn, the boyfriend/sambo, fits in the M&C category but more as a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie.  He has some flair and a strong personality but his head is screwed on straight and he’s definitely a homeboy cuddler.

piggelin ice cream
piggelin ice cream
Oh yes, and a Piggelin is an ice cream stick with a pearish flavor – it’s totally strange Swedish artificialness.

To Go Dutch or To Not Go Dutch… That is the Question

In previous posts, I discussed how one should pay for date nights. Do you go dutch or does one person pay for everything? In all this talk, I failed to explain the concept of going dutch; foreign to both the Swedes and the Dutch.

What is this funny idea from the lower country called The Netherlands? First, I did a little research on the history of going, the popularity of it in different countries, and then what people think of it. I went to Wiki, Yahoo Answers, Facebook status message, and even Twitter.

According to the Wikipedia entry, which unfortunately has been marked as full of weasel language, the definition is a bit nebulous. The phrase did probably originate in Holland because people pay for their own share when going out in groups. Makes sense to me. But on dates, or one-on-one events, the man usually pays for the meal (food and drinks). Standard etiquette says that the inviter pays for the meal. Equality etiquette states that the man and woman pay for their own share. Somewhere in between, some pissed off British blokes decided to insult the Dutch by coining the term “going dutch.” The phrase originated somewhere in the 1870s though it is unclear.

There was also an explanation of what happens in Sweden:

In Sweden, the practice of splitting the bill in restaurants is common. In a courtship situation where both parts have a similar financial standing, which is commonplace in Sweden, the traditional custom of the man always paying in restaurants has largely fallen out of use and is by many, including etiquette authorities[who?], considered old fashioned. Generally a romantic couple will take turns paying the bill or split it. It is generally assumed that everyone pays for himself or herself in restaurants unless the invitation stated otherwise.

I asked this to everyone: What does “going dutch” mean to you? And do you ‘go dutch’ on dates?
From Twitter:
@souldate: to split a restaurant bill by only paying exactly for what you had.
@pontusolin: That you split the costs at a social engagement.
@Ingyplingy: I thnk for Swedes it’s normal. But then, the majority of women here have been part of the work force since the 70s. At least. [Well] I actually don’t really care :-) We can go dutch, he can pay, OR I can pay!!! How about that, huh? ;) I still think there seems to be a cultural diff, since it seems like men r still expected to b able to provide for a family in US

From Facebook:
AN (American girl in the US): splitting the bill? walking around naked? plan a trip to the netherlands? ?
Sapphire: wee! i like the walking around naked part. do you think people should go dutch on the first date?
AN: do i think they should walk around naked on the first date? I mean…maybe…if its hot outside.
do i think they should split the bill on the first date? hell no! but, of course, i do live in the south…
RF (American girl in the US): hahhaa, You are hilarious!! I totally agree though- I share these impressions of going dutch;)
Saf (American girl in the US): Going dutch on a first date means that whoever invited you is cheap, wasn’t raised to be a gentleman…AND probably walks around naked ALL the time. But, of course, I’m from SF, so this is normal.
CM (swedish/american dude): I’m against it. She pays.. or I’m not putting out :P JK
Seriously, but no.. dutch is a bit of a hassle.. but I don’t mind if the girl pays.. once in a while.. that’s how swedish I am.
LBO (american girl married to a Swede in Sweden): i like it. It makes everyone equal. I enjoy myself more if I pay my share. =) We used to do it in the US [go dutch] , we don’t now. now I either pay all or he pays all.
Þorbjörn (the poor chap attached to me): I dont like it [going dutch], just don’t really like it. It is ok if none of you really have money; like if you’re a student. But well, if a guy brings a girl on a date, i think the guy should pay.

To sum it up: there is no good answer to it. Going dutch depends on the guy, the girl, and the circumstances around the date. Seemingly normal girls can go insane if they must pay their own way. Chivalrous attitudes required by men are neither arcane nor unnecessary. Women should truly take pity on men, as they have no idea what is acceptable and what is not. If I were a man, I would take her to a good restaurant (nothing fancy) and pay for that first date. If she seems like the type that wants everything paid for, then be prepared and face the wallet consequences.

Otherwise, if you are girl on a date, make the effort to take part in the expenses. Sometime I pay for ice cream or drinks if we go to another place after dinner. Whether America or Sweden or somewhere in between, there should be some equality between the sexes.

But men can still hold the door. ;)

Women are still Women No Matter what Country

I asked a Swedish guy friend of mine about his thoughts about Swedish girls and interacting with them on dates.  Surprisingly, or not, Swedish girls are quite similar to American girls when it comes to certain dating interactions.

Here are his thoughts, as a male Swede, how women act and what we all can learn.

Continue reading “Women are still Women No Matter what Country”

Talking to the Swede

After reading many comments on the dating in sweden post, the girls seem to never know how to communicate with Swedish guys.

I agree. Talking to a Swede can be like talking to a wall. And it’s not that they don’t want to listen to you, they just don’t know how to respond. Or they enjoyed your story and think nothing needs to be added.

Sometimes, I can be an annoying girl. I keep asking the boy questions; about everything. Sometimes he is quick to answer and tells a story. Other times, he says, “I dunno” and shrugs. And sometimes, even calls me “silly girl” for being so inquisitive.

What I found most interesting in communicating with him was our ‘move-in’ discussion. We had a long talk (okay, a short talk) about what it would be like to move in together. We even discussed what are our fears and expectations. He was very open about it and that he was nervous, etc. A revelation I feel for a Swede to talk. Not necessarily about his feelings but about something importanht. Of course being a Swede, also willing to help out in household duties. Yay! The caveat to the whole conversation: he had some wine before getting deep into the discussion.

A couple lessons to learn about talking to Swedes:
1. Kick them sometimes- Not literally.
2. Be inquisitive- ask open ended questions…anything that has the potential to be Yes/No will end up as one.
3. Don’t tell them any stories for the day- See if there is silence or if after a while, he starts talking.
4. Get some alcohol. Like plants, Swedes must be watered properly with a good distribution of beer and liquor.

Censoring comments…the dilemma

I’m a ditz, I totally forgot to approve comments for the past week. Very sorry to everyone, I was not trying to ignore you!

The comments have been approved with an exception: Some people are posting a ‘personal’ ad as a comment. Such as: “I love your blog and have been looking to meet a swede for a while. I am white, mid 20s and seeking a tall, handsome, swede.” I have not approved such comments onto the blog and it has been a hard decision to make. I believe in free speech and having everyone contribute, even if insulting or negatively, because I want a balanced point of view.

However, personal ads on a random blog are not safe. On an open blog like this one, comments can be viewed by anyone, crazy or not. I can provide no safe way for people to communicate. There are also many other sites better equipped to handled this: match.se, eharmony.com ,etc.

With that in mind, please do not post comments about seeking a man, 25-32, white, blah blah…it does not contribute to the post and it is not appropriate for the blog. If you disagree please do comment here.

Valentine’s Day and ridiculous expectations- 4 months late

Okay, it is not Valentine’s Day but I found this in my old draft of posts and figured better to published four months late than at Christmas. You might enjoy the you tube videos too. =)

This is the first year I noticed less Valentine’s Day commercials and cheesy decorations in the stores. Maybe I am not the only one who’s tired of seeing greeting cards vomiting hearts, teddy bears, and roses. Why is Valentine’s Day such a big holiday in America? Do women really want red roses, chocolates, and jewelry? Or do corporations entice the women to love them? And how are men seduced to buy gifts in the hope of getting laid?

And for kicks, here is a samplings of terrible advertisements:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jv0PvyxXocA

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ifw_qJOCnQI


http://youtube.com/watch?v=ch1AbFirZDY

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1uwl5So30mw