If you are new to LiS, then this post is a good place to start. Here are the most popular posts about dating Swedish men. More “Top 5’s” to come soon!
We did it and we survived! The poor little Swede came to India to meet my parents, grandmother, the cousins and aunts and uncles. Being a true Westerner and my family (parents and I) being part Westerners (lived in the US, ethically Indian), it was an experience.
In some ways I expected more drama with a white boy running around meeting Indian families. But in some very Swedish way, it just wasn’t a big deal or stressful to him. He just went with the flow and didn’t seem to mind. Quite different from American boyfriends I would say; many are scared to meet families.
The trip was packed with food, a lot of it. It is a staple of Indian culture to offer snacks, meals, drinks, whatever to guests. Him being the guest, everyone was out to impress him in an ever so subtle way. The good news was that he enjoyed most of the food (who doesn’t love Indian food?!) but the bad news he was stuffed to death; like a poor turkey ready to go into the oven at 400F for three hours. Strange as it sounds, relatives called my parents saying how they were impressed that the Swede ate Indian food AND liked it. Shocking!
I always figured my family would confuse Sweden with Switzerland; everyone does. However, they were confused that he was even Swedish, most thought he was American. Poor guy, he had to do a lot of explaining that he was not American and in fact came from a small little country in northern Europe.
What did we learn from our trip to the East?
- Do not tell relatives that you are living together. Changing subjects always works best in case such a situation arises.
- Do not offer too many details on how you met. It opens you up for more questioning.
- Sleeping in the same room is not possible. It’s not a big deal to sleep apart for a week, so don’t make it a big deal.
- Someone will have a “talk” with the boy. In this case, it was my mom.
- Brown comes in a package. Reminds of the very failed UPS slogan: What can Brown Do for you? anyhoo…
That’s right, you can’t just date an Asian girl or guy, you are tied to the whole family. Accept that the family will always be around and life will be easier. For example, my parents call me almost everyday. At one point it used to be everyday (no joke, honestly) but now they’re down to 3-4 times a week. How they afford to make a cheap call to me is totally beyond me. And considering that I’m too lazy to find a card and make acheap call to India, is well being a bum.
- “There are expectations to uphold.” In no overt way, Indian mothers can tell you exactly what they want in a pretty gift wrapped message. Make no mistake though, these statements should not be treated lightly. For our poor little Swede, this statement means he better get serious about the marriage bandwagon.
It is happening! The Swede is going to meet my family in India. It is the first time for me that not only am I introducing a boyfriend to the family, he also happens to not be Indian.
What will happen?! If you are part of an interracial couple (I hate that word) or a color mix rather, what do you want to know? I am Asian and we are different from Westerners so maybe our experience this week can enlighten any of you reading the blog.
Post any questions about Asian-Swedish dating and I will get back to you all.
I asked a Swedish guy friend of mine about his thoughts about Swedish girls and interacting with them on dates. Surprisingly, or not, Swedish girls are quite similar to American girls when it comes to certain dating interactions.
Here are his thoughts, as a male Swede, how women act and what we all can learn.
Continue reading “Women are still Women No Matter what Country”
It’s been a long time since I had the time to write, my apologies. I have been caught up at work and then more work and then more work. Good news is that it’s getting a bit less.
But this week we have something special. I convinced my boyfriend, Þorbjörn (again, not his real name), to give his observations of Americans and American women. Since I’ve asked plenty of questions about the Swedish man, might as well learn about what he thinks of us.
Here are his Swedish opinions about us American girls:
1. The United States likes to take on the James Bond approach with girls.
2. For being such an advanced country, people are very conservative and rather sexist.
3. I always found it funny when my girlfriend would have guests staying the night, usually girls, and they would freak out if I was wearing my t-shirt and underwear at night. Do I have to be fully dressed at all times?
4. American girls like to get presents, flowers, chocolates, and all sorts of gifts and crap. They seem to want us to do the work. Well, not that Swedish girls don’t like gifts, but American chicks seem to expect it more.
5. They speak English; which yes is not a profound statement but still, I spend most of my time now speaking and understanding English.
6. American girls are more flirty. At times they can confuse Swedish guys because they are being friendly but the guys think otherwise.
7. If an event is supposed to be dressy, Americans love to get really dressed up. People are allowed to stand out from the crowd, and that’s okay.
8. I don’t get American dating. It seems that you can ‘date’ more than one person at a time, and then at some point you become ‘exclusive’ with one person. I think my life would be very complicated if I dated more than one girl at a time.
And I definitely don’t understand the three day rule. If I get a girl’s number and she gets mine, and I like her, I don’t think you have to wait three days. She can call me too.
9. It is easy to start a conversation with a stranger. When you are at a bar in the US, you can chat with the person next to you and it’s cool. Do it in Sweden and most people will find you weird.
10. American girls are just as complicated as Swedish girls. They are still women after all. =)
I met Hairy Swede this past weekend. Really really awesome to meet a fellow blogger IRL and also discuss the same problems with Stockholm. For the most part, those problems were quite amusing (why does the alcohol monopoly exist? why are old women always wearing fur coats? what’s wrong with the housing market?).
In any event, we got to chatting about blogs and came up with a great idea. Since this blog is about dating and there are lots of amazing comments here, there’s going to be a new project. It’s called The Love Refugee Project and I need all of your help.
Here’s what I am looking for:
Foreigners who moved to Sweden for a Swedish love and are still together
Foreigners who moved to Sweden for a Swedish love and are no longer together
Foreigners who followed another foreigner to Sweden for love (e.g. american following another american because one came for work)
Foreigners who moved to Sweden just because but found love
This project will take place over the next 6 months and I hope to compile stories, photos, etc to publish (where, I don’t know yet).
If you would like to be interviewed and have a free fika, please email me at ablacksapphire at gmail dot com.
It is a mantra I hear from many girls, even Swedish expatriate girls. A greater oxymoron could not be found; to find a Swedish boy…I must *not* look in Sweden? Yes, that is the theory. From all the women I know that have Swedish boyfriends, none of them meet them in Sweden. These Swedes were studying, traveling, working abroad when the women encountered them. Why is that? Why is it so hard to meet a Swede in Sweden *and* stick together.
When in Rome. It is the case for any person removed out of his natural environment to attempt to blend with the new one. It is a tricky situation cross blending the traditional environment (the one in which he grew up) and the new one. Most Swedes I met in the US were extremely open and friendly. They wanted to meet others, travel, and integrate into American society. At parties, I would notice they would chat up girls, flirt, and if they really pushed themselves, obtain a phone number.
Alter egos. Moving or traveling to a new place allows one to change his persona. What better way to start a new life then to be someone where no one knows you. In societies that encourage individuality, this is the perfect wayto recreate yourself. Didn’t hit on girls in bars before because your friends would laugh their asses off? Those friends aren’t here now, so do what you want.
Exoticism. Face it, the gender you are interested in your home country gets boring after a while. Seeing a lifetime of blonds or brunettes is tiring. In a new place, the native folks are now the exotic ones. It is probably a reason why British girls dig Swedish boys, Swedish boys dig Italian girls, and Italian girls dig American boys (okay maybe not true for these particular cultures but you get the point).
What does this have to do with the Swedish boys? They seem to flourish out of their native environment. A short respite from an egalitarian, equality controlled world. Whether they are in the US or France or Brazil, their new world is nothing like Sweden. They are probably more confident to do things previously never thought of before. And since, a Swede in the US is not an American in the US, they provide the exotic factor too.
The question to all the ladies out there then, how did you meet your Swede? where? who made the moves?
And for the Swedish boys out there, how did you end up with a foreign partner? And if you’re completely offended by my thoughts, I would love to hear your rants. =)
I’ve been trying to come up with something to post about this week and life hasn’t been exciting. I thought however we would revisit Þorbjörn, the little swede I met in the US. We had a discussion about meeting someone in a bar in Sweden versus the US. Here are the conversations (edited to make sense).
The explanation of wingmen in American culture:
Þórbjörn: wingman ??
me: o m g
Þórbjörn: hey, i am from sweden!!
me: in fighter plane scenarios
there’s always a leader whose goal is to hit the main target
his wingmen (flying behind him in formation)
deal with enemy fire
me: that’s real air force
in social situations it’s similar
Þórbjörn: so if i want my friend to hook up with a girl, i need to be his wingman?
me: well yes, but it’s an art
you have a lead pilot, usually an alpha male
he’s the most charismatic, friendly, and cunning with women
he’ll always have one or two male friends
those are wingmen
me: those guys entertain the target’s female friends
the wingmen also soften the women up by being cute, silly, more romantic
during that confusion
the leader takes his target
Þórbjörn: so extreamly american…
me: hahaha, how so?
Þórbjörn: sounds very american ;)
The Swedish way:
Þórbjörn:my friends in sweden never worked in that way
me: how does it work?
Þórbjörn: how did it work? oh, hot girl, i will go for her, screw you guys
me: oh yah, i was told guys have no problems ditching their friends
Þórbjörn: of course not…you can’t have sex with your friends
me: what about us and how we met?
Þórbjörn: our dating seemed very swedish to me… meet at a bar, have sex, start hanging out, have more sex =)
oh, and one woman at the time… that is complicated enough for me
How to talk to girl in the American bar:
What you do as a male who finally made it past enemy fire and has the target in range.
Þórbjörn: so what would I have done if I was an American?
me: first off, we wouldn’t have never made it to my place b/c i would have expected you to hit on me
and buy me drinks
and flirt and be cute
Þórbjörn: and then?
me: we probably would not have gone home together that night but rather exchanged numbers
maybe make out in the bar
Þórbjörn: that sounds utterly boring
then you would have called me a few days later and ask me out for dinner
Þórbjörn: why can’t you do that?
me: chivalry my friend, male chivalry
Þórbjörn: crazy americans
I thought I would update everyone on the online dating via match.se
Well, it’s not really going anywhere for a few reasons:
1) I have no photo posted – I will have to post one. Hopefully the world doesn’t find out my SN. :-P
2) All I get are matches that are in…Spanish!!! Yes, Spanish. All the very desperate men must be posting on every match.whatever and they all speak spanish. Sorry, I really don’t care and frankly it seems quite creepy.
3) I am still listed in a city network in California. I think I will have to change this to Stockholm, if I am to get any hits.
Oh, and the experiment doesn’t influence the people I am currently (or in the future) dating/seeing/mating with.
I’ll fix that and we will see what happens…
I was checking out my blog stats today and noticed the original Dating in Sweden post was the most popular. Now I am guessing that post does not enlighten those of us who are currently confused because I am confused too.
I propose that if there are any Swedes (male or female) willing to take a survey about dating/love/sex, I will post the results in one month. Of course if you volunteer, I will not disclose your name or email. Help us, lovely Swedish folks, to better understand your culture.
Email me at fleurdeparis at gmail dot com. (okay that other email I put up earlier…doesn’t exist…yes, I am stupid at times)