The New Questions on Swedish Dating

It’s that time again! The dying questions for swedish men is chock full of goodness of information.  Before we start on our new questions about swedish dating, here’s a summary of what we know about swedish men and women.

Swedish men:
Are very good listeners
Are quiet and shy
Help doing house work
Cook dinner, breakfast or a little smörgås
Give the look
Are respectful
Like foreign girls (who doesn’t like anything exotic?)

Swedish women:
Want romance too
Love confident men
Are beautiful
Like foreign men
Are sensitive at heart

And now the A-Z of questions we still discuss and ponder about.  A big thanks to all the readers who continuously comment and share their love stories.

  • If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
  • Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?
  • Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?
  • Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?
  • Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?
  • What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?
  • Do Swedish women give the look too?
  • What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?
  • Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?
  • What are signs of flirtatious behavior?
  • Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?
  • Does the ‘player’ culture exist?
  • How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?
  • Do they like blonds or brunettes?
  • Is it true Swedes are very rude?
  • Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?
  • Do they fall in love really hard?

It’s not easy dating Swedish women.  And the swedish male proves to be both confusing and amusing.  Just remember, they’re still people too, and sometimes a man is just a man.

June 26, 2010 | 281 Comments »

The A to Z Guide on Dating Swedish Men

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a guide to dating Swedish men!

First off, thank you to all who have posted on the Dating in Sweden post. It is so awesome and wonderful to see people share their stories and help each other. This post is being closed now because it has more than 200 comments!!! But, let the stories and pondering continue here as we figure out the A to Z of Swedish men.

A – American Dating, what’s that? “We have sex first, then see each other.”
B – Beautiful and blond. How awesome is that?
C – Confusing; few understand the male species and even less understand the Swedish man
D – Dutch dates are possible, especially if in Sweden.
E – Equal opportunity. Hold that door for yourself.
F – Fashionable. Men sport color and style in Sweden!
G – Growing chest hair, not a fur coat, is needed. (Anonymous comment from a male friend)
H – Hair gel is a necessity, not an option.
I – IKEA will be the ‘big step’ in your lives as couple.
J – Jeans, can they get any tighter?
K – Kinky … so the rumors say…
L – Lagom. They want life and love and everything else in between to be “just right” or rolling down the middle of the road. Pushing men too hard left or right, risks alienating them and sending them away.
M – Mysterious. Ask many questions, answer few of their own.
N – Nagging is what girls may feel when the Swedes are unresponsive. It’s okay, give the guys some space and time to write/text you back.
O – Obtuse, like any man, the Swedish man has proven to be equally if not more obtuse at times.
P – Punctual; don’t show up late for a date.
Q – Quiet and shy describes 90% of Swedish men in Sweden and 10% abroad. Okay, exaggeration but they lose their very quiet nature when going abroad.
R – Rude; if you don’t know the ways of Swedes, they can be perceived as rude. This is especially true if you believe the man should pay for dates, etc when he is more in dutch / equal paying.
S – Sambo, rhymes with mambo, is the traditional way for Swedish being ‘together’ but not married.
T – Text messaging is the best way to communicate with Swedish men. It may be the best way to communicate in general for Swedes.
U – Unemotional, hard-to-read, and sometimes stoic, the Swedish man keeps his feelings to himself.
V – Valentine’s Day is nearly nonexistent in Sweden; don’t fret if nothing happens on this un-special day.
W – Wintertime is the period in the year to not dump your swede. Stay inside and cuddle during the miserable Swedish November. When springtime approaches, feel free to move on to greener grass.
X -
Y – Youthful appearance but sagacious within.
Z – Zealous with text messaging. Really? I still have not understood the obsession with texting. :P

Any other A to Z’s to add? More quandaries faced by the foreign woman?

March 20, 2010 | 109 Comments »

10 Commandments of being a Pick Up Artist

After taking the blue pill and heading down the rabbit hole of the pick up artist industry, I learned a lot of the industry teachings is about instilling common sense and confidence in men.

This is third part to my series about the Stockholm Sweden Day Game Workshop I attended under the dating coach Jeremy Soul and under the Love Systems Corporation.
Part I: Umm, you wanna be a Pick Up Artist?
Part II: Playing THE Game by Challenging Darwin’s Game

On a side note, Love Systems is the company that evolved from Mystery Method, as made famous by Neil Strauss’ book, The Game. Love Systems is today riding high on crack because of its ability of taking the pick up artist industry (PUA) and turning it into a scientific method.

The training
Four hours in the classroom and four hours in the field. For those counting beans, the whole workshop is $1495 for the day. Yes, US Dollars. C’mom boys, give me your Benjamins and i will teach you the way into a woman’s universe. While it is pricey for a cheap bastard like me, I highly recommend it if your love life is in a rut and needs to be kicked started again.

And what did we learn? I created my list that is inspired by Jeremy Soul. ALL these commandments are important for even the Swedish man to find a girl; after all, we do spend plenty of time complaining that Swedish men are bad at picking up Swedish girls.

Sapphire’s 10 Commandments of Meeting Women:

  1. 1. Accept Rejection -  It happens to all of us: we are rejected by some pretty guy or girl.  Don’t be disheartened; throw out the negative thoughts and move on.  And while you may have sulked and cried about it in the past, don’t do that now.  It’s wasted tears and energy.
  2. 2. Don’t Expect to Get Every Girl – Going hand in hand with Commandment 1, not every girl is attracted to you and vice versa.  Sometimes you will see a beautiful girl and then start talking to her and realize, “blaggg, this one is emotionally vacant for me.”  That’s cool, just go talk to another girl.
  3. 3. Be Confident – Working through the rejection part is the first step of being confident.  Love your work, your hobbies, your friends, your family and you will be confident. Exuding confidence is akin to pheromones; women go crazy when they see men who are sure of themselves.
  4. 4. Have a Personality -  Have you spoke to someone who had the personality of a cardboard box?  It was so painful that you wanted to recycle them or crumple them up right away.  Be creative and excited about your life.  If you don’t know how to have fun with your life, why should any girl care about you?  And be sure to demonstrate that you have a personality, ie. “I love running everyday” or “Hiking on the glaciers was the best sport I ever did” Whatever it is, show the girl that you have a personality.
  5. 5. Don’t Be Drunk – Biggest turnoff ever. EVER.  Drunk guys do not produce good pick up lines.
  6. 6. Have a Good Wingman - Wingmen are the guys that you go with when meeting women, especially in the evening.  Having a wingman will allow you to have a higher status and meet girls in groups.  And a good wingman is a guy who can back you up, know when to step down, entertain the other girls, and overall, make you look good.
  7. 7. Try, Try, Try Again – Don’t give on picking up women, it is tantamount to romantic suicide.  Be confident that you have the ability to speak to women and that you are decent guy just trying to make his way.
  8. 8. Travel -  Traveling away from your comfort zone will force you to interact and meet new people.  You will also have fun stories to share and broaden your knowledge of the word.
  9. 9. Poor Posture will Kill You, Literally – Stop slouching and stand up straight.  Remember when your mom bugged you to not hunch over?  Keep you back straight, shoulders back, and stomach tucked in (not sucked in).  Poor body language sends a subconscious message that you have low self esteem.  If you are approaching Swedish girls especially, they love confident looking men.  A slouchy guy who doesn’t stand properly is not that.
  10. 10. Pick Up Lines Must Not Be Lame – The “Hey baby, how’s it going?” line is so lame is makes me laugh and cry every time I hear it used.  Or the “What’s your name sweetheart?  Can I get your number?” Nooo, why the fuck should I give you my number, I have no idea who you are creepy bastard.
February 11, 2010 | 10 Comments »

Umm, you wanna be a Pick Up Artist?

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything about dating in Sweden. Frankly it’s a bit difficult when you are tied in a monogamous relationship that is quite happy. I mean, no one, not even myself, wants to hear about how happy and mushy gushy a relationship is.

But now it is winter and -25C outside and time to start writing, serious writing, Henry David Thoreau style.

In a week I will be joining in, as a special visitor to a day game seminar and field training on how to pick up beautiful women. And these beautiful women are in Sweden. In the cold-hearted country up north.

With whom? And why? And what’s wrong with you Sapphire? Those pick up artists guys are just douche bags trying to pick up hot chicks. Well, no not really. Pick up artists (though can hold a negative connotation) is a person who is skilled at seducing another person. These people are really seduction artists. The insanely famous book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss (the brilliant New York Times writer) delves into the world of meeting beautiful women who are smart and sexy and actually like you back.

Since I’ve become fascinated by PUAs, a couple months ago I went out for a beer with Jeremy Soul, the most famous day game master of all. And folks, he’s a really nice chill guy. So cool that I’m going to be attending his workshop to learn more and pick his brain about dating in Sweden. You can read a lot about the nature of relationships on his blog.

And follow along with me on how to pick up Swedish girls.

January 11, 2010 | 10 Comments »

Group Sex and Swedish Women

I was eating a delicious lamb roast when we got into the discussion of Swedish women.  Because of course Swedish girls are like little lambs:  soft, sweet, and delicate.

There were a couple friends who happened to be single males, and well, sans blond Swedish girls.  Of course, one single Asian girl (on her quest to find a Swedish man in Sweden) had to ask the single boys why they were not sambos yet.  The answer:  Swedish women are formal in nature and too feminist.  The guys said there was no spark.  No silly fun  with the women they dated.  They missed feeling the little bubbles of energy between a couple.  And some girls were so independent the men felt emasculated.

But a third guy, a potty mouthed hilarious Indian, chimed in that Swedish women really want a manly man.   The whole ultra feminist attitude is just a song and dance cover that they enjoy the delicateness of being a girl and want to be taken care of.  His solution?  Hold your ground and don’t become like the Swedish man just because you are dating a Swedish girl.  Be the man, continue your cultural ways, and love her to bits.

Of course this brings me to the title of the post, group sex.   Because I bet that’s why you’re reading this post.  First, a bit about funny Swedish laws.  A Swedish school teacher was convicted of buying sexual services (remember selling prostitution is legal, buying is not) but he cannot be fired from his job.  He also seems to be a mastermind organizing group sex between professionals and girls, where some girls were paid.  Of course, to him, no biggies.

And since “criminality outside of the workplace usually isn’t sufficient cause for firing,” says  Sofie Rehnström (legal expert with the Swedish Trade Union Confederation (LO)), group sex is an all go even if you pay for it.   Hey, we’re in Sweden, violating the law is like getting a spanking.  Except spanking is illegal.

Going back to our dinner discussion, we learned that group sex at some of the Swedish universities exist.  As recently as 2004 at least.  How it works you ask?  There’s a sign up sheet on the bulletin board with a date and time (location is the same) and you just sign up.  And then show up and have fun.   I’m not sure where this puts sexual nature on the map in Sweden, but surely somewhere.

While some Swedish students are pursuing group sex in college, others are trying to figure out how to effectively date a Swedish girl.  Then they figure the group sex thing is easier then courting the Swedish bombshells.

It’s kinda like getting stuck in the revolving door.

December 17, 2009 | 8 Comments »

Meet a Beautiful Blonde Swedish Girl? Dating Swedish Women isn’t Easy

Swedish girls are everything what you fantasize about. They are tall, beautiful, blonde (although artificially blond dyed hair), busty, athletic, and strong. These viking women are the enigma wrapped in a conundrum because the men still haven’t figured them out.

If dating Swedish men was confusing enough, then dating Swedish women must be more so. I’m a girl, an American-Indian girl, and therefore am not Swedish. But I have a few Swedish girlfriends and they all have opinions of their fellow male counterparts. Some comments are downright ballsy. Swedish guys have done a good job of losing their balls over the years, part thanks to feminism, part thanks to super tight jeans that served as self castrating devices.

First off, if you are man, Swedish, French, American, British, you have to learn how to smooch and booze with those hot Swedish women. A lot of booze, it helps.  Second, it seems that foreign men in Sweden have an advantage over the Swedish men.  Be happy and use it wisely.

Blond beautiful Swedish women

Blond beautiful Swedish women

Here’s what Swedish women think of Swedish men:

  • Kinda shy – the men just watch you and wait forever before they will come speak to you.
  • Difficult to figure out
  • Snåla – a bit greedy and stingy, swedish men don’t invite girls out much
  • Too dependent on alcohol – the boys drink to get drunk, and it’s very gross. If swedish men learned to drink for pleasure and not got wasted, it would be easier to have a conversation and think they are sexy. In Southern Europe, people drink wine, beer, alcohol with class. Up in Scandinavia, people drink like the end of the world is coming. Plus, drinking a glass of wine on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday is akin to alcoholism, yet it’s okay to get wasted drunk from Thursday to Saturday. Where’s the moderation?
  • No alcohol = no conversation, the Swedish boys have no ability to communicate without the clutch of alcohol
  • Too emotionally distant and far away

What Swedish women LIKE/ WANT Swedish men to do:

  • Be courteous – maybe open doors, pull out chairs, a little bit of chivalry is good
  • If you invite someone for dinner, then you could at least pay for it!
  • Buy a gift to show your affection; it’s nice to receive presents
  • Have some balls and guts and speak to me! “Hi, what’s up” does not count.  We want  to talk about real stuff, not just the weather.
  • Stop counting every krona spent at a meal, it’s embarrassing to decide who got what drink, what side dish, etc.  Can’t we just split the bill like normal people?
  • Be a man and stand up for what you want

After reading all these comments you must think, “damn, how do Swedish men and women mate and have lots of babies?”  I wonder that too, and I’ll put the blame on the dark swedish winter and the bright swedish summer.  You also must think that Swedish women hate their fellow men.  It’s part true, more Swedish women are interested in foreign men than they are in other Swedes.  Boredom, lack of balls, and overall disappointment are contributing factors.

What can you learn from this?  Like I said, if you are male and not Swedish, you already have a leading position.  If you have the ability to speak to girls without being a pussy and make good conversation, again, major brownie posts.  And finally, if you have some gentlemanly qualities,  the beautiful blond Swedish girls will be all over you.

As my friend put it:  Swedish blond bombshells may be tough and viking-like on the outside, but they are still soft, delicate women on the inside.  A Swedish woman deserves to be treated as such.

August 21, 2009 | 120 Comments »

How to Find a Foreign Girl in Sweden

My whole blog has been addressing the issue of dealing with Swedish boys, but what about Swedish girls or foreign girls in Sweden?   We already know how to pick up a Swedish man. How can we teach the Swedish guys to talk and meet us foreign women?  We like to complain that Swedes have no clue how to talk to foreign girls here in Sweden, so let’s give them a clue.

Ladies, here are some questions for you answer.  It helps if you are single and on the lookout for a Swede here.

  • Where do you hang out? Where do you expect to meet guys?
  • Do you expect men to make the first move or would you?
  • What cultural differences have you noticed that affects the dating scene?
  • Are you willing to go about “dating” in Sweden the Swedish way?
  • Did you come to Sweden as a love refugee and it didn’t work out? What lessons will help you meet a new man?
  • What qualities do you look for in a Swedish man?

Swedish guys, come to this post and get some tidbits of knowledge about meeting a foreign girl.

July 16, 2009 | 1 Comment »

Top 5 Dating Swedish Men Posts

If you are new to LiS, then this post is a good place to start. Here are the most popular posts about dating Swedish men. More “Top 5’s” to come soon!

1. Dating in Sweden, We Americans Need a Guide

2. To Find a Swede

3. The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men

4. The Swedish Male Look

5. Observations by a Swede

May 20, 2009 | Tags: | 1 Comment »

A Swede Meets the Indian Family

We did it and we survived! The poor little Swede came to India to meet my parents, grandmother, the cousins and aunts and uncles. Being a true Westerner and my family (parents and I) being part Westerners (lived in the US, ethically Indian), it was an experience.

In some ways I expected more drama with a white boy running around meeting Indian families. But in some very Swedish way, it just wasn’t a big deal or stressful to him. He just went with the flow and didn’t seem to mind. Quite different from American boyfriends I would say; many are scared to meet families.

The trip was packed with food, a lot of it. It is a staple of Indian culture to offer snacks, meals, drinks, whatever to guests. Him being the guest, everyone was out to impress him in an ever so subtle way. The good news was that he enjoyed most of the food (who doesn’t love Indian food?!) but the bad news he was stuffed to death; like a poor turkey ready to go into the oven at 400F for three hours. Strange as it sounds, relatives called my parents saying how they were impressed that the Swede ate Indian food AND liked it. Shocking!

I always figured my family would confuse Sweden with Switzerland; everyone does. However, they were confused that he was even Swedish, most thought he was American. Poor guy, he had to do a lot of explaining that he was not American and in fact came from a small little country in northern Europe.

What did we learn from our trip to the East?

  • Do not tell relatives that you are living together. Changing subjects always works best in case such a situation arises.
  • Do not offer too many details on how you met. It opens you up for more questioning.
  • Sleeping in the same room is not possible. It’s not a big deal to sleep apart for a week, so don’t make it a big deal.
  • Someone will have a “talk” with the boy. In this case, it was my mom.
  • Brown comes in a package. Reminds of the very failed UPS slogan: What can Brown Do for you? anyhoo…
    That’s right, you can’t just date an Asian girl or guy, you are tied to the whole family. Accept that the family will always be around and life will be easier. For example, my parents call me almost everyday.  At one point it used to be everyday (no joke, honestly) but now they’re down to 3-4 times a week.  How they afford to make a cheap call to me is totally beyond me.  And considering that I’m too lazy to find a card and make acheap call to India, is well being a bum.
  • “There are expectations to uphold.” In no overt way, Indian mothers can tell you exactly what they want in a pretty gift wrapped message. Make no mistake though, these statements should not be treated lightly. For our poor little Swede, this statement means he better get serious about the marriage bandwagon.
May 11, 2009 | Tags: , | 8 Comments »

The Swede is Meeting the Family

It is happening! The Swede is going to meet my family in India. It is the first time for me that not only am I introducing a boyfriend to the family, he also happens to not be Indian.

What will happen?! If you are part of an interracial couple (I hate that word) or a color mix rather, what do you want to know? I am Asian and we are different from Westerners so maybe our experience this week can enlighten any of you reading the blog.

Post any questions about Asian-Swedish dating and I will get back to you all.

April 22, 2009 | Tags: , | 2 Comments »
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