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Le Douze Points of Eurovision 2013 Fashion Fail
22 May2013
It’s over. The greatest hangover of the year that lasts a week.
Eurovision.
2013.
A reprise to 2014. Thank god, I need 200 days to recouperate before Sweden’s Melodiefestivalen attacks my eyes and ears like the zombie virus of bad singing and fashion.
For now, let’s visit the worst of Eurovision fashion from last week. Please be ready to be offended.
Un Point – Israel – Poorly Fitted Mermaid Dress. Honestly, the fashion designer and seamstress(es) should be fired for this outfit. It was poorly shaped, poorly stitched, and lumpy. Just because Moran is a luscious sized woman, doesn’t mean your stitching has to suck.
Deux Points – Ukraine – It was plain, it was forgettable and it was nude. Nude colors are bad for the stage; they make you look naked!
Trois Points – Germany – Congratulations for adding 20 years to your age by wearing a disco infused bomb of sequins and stringy stuff.
Quatre Points – Belarus – Girl, you ain’t Shakira. And Belarus is not allowed to have sunshine. That would be totally anti-communistic. Want to have fun and dance on the beach? Go to Spain.
Cinq Points – Turkey – I always love it when a stripper goes to Hollywood and meets prince charming. Errr, I mean goes to
Eurovision and is wearing a Madonna bustier.
Six Points – Finland – Trash the dress session meets Courtney Love.
Sept Points – - I don’t even know what country this is, but I don’t want to be visited by the Red-Reaper.
Huit Points – Moldova – She lit herself on fire. She lit herself on FIRE! Nevermind, that was just a plastic reflective dress for the digital projector to shine flames.
Dix Points – Montenegro – Spacesuits. Really? Spacesuits?! No wonder they couldn’t even make it past the first semi-final, they forgot about the most important theory in science: the bad costume – shitty singing continuum. Meeting both these conditions causes one to fall into the abyss of Eurovision hell.
And the douze points goes to…
ROMANIA!
Vampire meets Annie Lenox meets Cher. OMGWTF is going on?!
4 Responses to Le Douze Points of Eurovision 2013 Fashion Fail
deea milan
May 22nd, 2013 at 20:04
haha sapphire:))) I am from Romania:)))) you should hear the jokes around here about Cezar Ouatu –the interpreter in the …let’s say Dracula’s suit ( by the way Ouatu–means…Eggs–actually to be more clear–oua= egs; ouatu= let’s say ‘egged’:))))—so they go like: geee…it’s about time our football players start getting dresses instead of shorts–it seems to be the only way to get to a finale:)) or: did you wake up? did you shower and exercised? did u listen to Ouatu’s song??? I would have been surprised if you did not give your maximum points to Cezar ( out national guess is…he is a ‘girly girl’)
ece
May 22nd, 2013 at 20:15
Turkey wasnt in the competition this year, in case you’d like to correct number 5
Sapphire
May 28th, 2013 at 22:17
Well, Turkey just didn’t make it to the finals, but it certainly stood out in the semis!
Sapphire
May 28th, 2013 at 22:17
@Deea – HAHAHA!