Le Douze Points of Eurovision 2013 Fashion Fail

It’s over. The greatest hangover of the year that lasts a week.



A reprise to 2014. Thank god, I need 200 days to recouperate before Sweden’s Melodiefestivalen attacks my eyes and ears like the zombie virus of bad singing and fashion.

For now, let’s visit the worst of Eurovision fashion from last week. Please be ready to be offended.

Un Point – Israel – Poorly Fitted Mermaid Dress. Honestly, the fashion designer and seamstress(es) should be fired for this outfit. It was poorly shaped, poorly stitched, and lumpy. Just because Moran is a luscious sized woman, doesn’t mean your stitching has to suck.
Eurovision 2013 Costumes Fashion Israel Moran Mazor

Deux Points – Ukraine – It was plain, it was forgettable and it was nude. Nude colors are bad for the stage; they make you look naked!

Trois Points – Germany – Congratulations for adding 20 years to your age by wearing a disco infused bomb of sequins and stringy stuff.

Quatre Points – Belarus – Girl, you ain’t Shakira. And Belarus is not allowed to have sunshine. That would be totally anti-communistic. Want to have fun and dance on the beach? Go to Spain.
Eurovision Costumes Fashion Belarus

Cinq Points – Turkey – I always love it when a stripper goes to Hollywood and meets prince charming. Errr, I mean goes to
Eurovision and is wearing a Madonna bustier.
Eurovision Song Contest 2013 - Unser Song für Malmö

Six Points – Finland – Trash the dress session meets Courtney Love.
Eurovision Costumes Finland

Sept Points – – I don’t even know what country this is, but I don’t want to be visited by the Red-Reaper.
Eurovision Costumes 1

Huit Points – Moldova – She lit herself on fire. She lit herself on FIRE! Nevermind, that was just a plastic reflective dress for the digital projector to shine flames.
The Eurovision Song Contest 2013 - Day 1 Rehearsals, Live Semi Final 1 and Photocalls

Dix Points – Montenegro – Spacesuits. Really? Spacesuits?! No wonder they couldn’t even make it past the first semi-final, they forgot about the most important theory in science: the bad costume – shitty singing continuum. Meeting both these conditions causes one to fall into the abyss of Eurovision hell.
Eurovision 2013 Costumes Fashion Montenegro

And the douze points goes to…


Vampire meets Annie Lenox meets Cher. OMGWTF is going on?!
Eurovision Costumes Fashion Romania

4 thoughts on “Le Douze Points of Eurovision 2013 Fashion Fail”

  1. haha sapphire:))) I am from Romania:)))) you should hear the jokes around here about Cezar Ouatu –the interpreter in the …let’s say Dracula’s suit ( by the way Ouatu–means…Eggs–actually to be more clear–oua= egs; ouatu= let’s say ‘egged’:))))—so they go like: geee…it’s about time our football players start getting dresses instead of shorts–it seems to be the only way to get to a finale:)) or: did you wake up? did you shower and exercised? did u listen to Ouatu’s song??? I would have been surprised if you did not give your maximum points to Cezar ( out national guess is…he is a ‘girly girl’)

  2. Turkey wasnt in the competition this year, in case you’d like to correct number 5

  3. Well, Turkey just didn’t make it to the finals, but it certainly stood out in the semis!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *