Dating Swedish Men Q&A

8 Oct
2011

Hej ladies! I’ve been reading through the hundreds of comments on the site and have some general questions and answers that may help you on your guide to dating swedish men.

You can read all the other dating in Sweden posts here:
The New Questions on Swedish Dating
Dating in Sweden…We Americans need a guide
The A to Z Guide on Dating Swedish Men
The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men

These are just my opinions along with general opinions of other ladies and gents who posted comments. But readers, feel free to add in your own as I am now an oldie on the dating married market.

Question: “Where do I find Swedish Men?”

Answer: Sweden contains a lot of Swedish men but they can be rather hard to find and keep. Online dating through Match or Spray is very popular. I also recommend Online Dejting (in swedish) to read dating reviews.

If you are not in Sweden then I recommend checking out Swedish clubs in the States as a starter. Most countries will have not have the Embassy of Sweden, but cultural events open to the public.

Q: “I met a Swede while studying/taking a trip a trip abroad. It was like love at first sight. We spent several afternoons together, hanging out, going for walks. He’s incredibly passionate and yet shy. Now that I’m back home, we chat online nearly everyday. It’s been a couple months and now he’s gone cold all of sudden. He doesn’t know if this is “right” or possible. What should I do?”

A: You need to be honest with yourself. Do you like the Swede, love the Swede, or see having babies with the Swede? Or maybe he could be a rebound or time pass for now. Really think about how you are compatible with him and he is to you, than falling for The Look or his shyness. Most Swedish men are shy but direct and can play hot and cold.

If you really like him and want to see him again, then you should tell him so. If he doesn’t respond, then it’s his loss. Collect yourself and find a better fish. I believe your playdate and soulmate will present themselves at the right opportunity.

Q: “Do Swedish men take awhile to say ‘I love you?’ Or they just say it because?”

A: Swedish men may not say I love you immediately because they interpret love differently. Perhaps he really likes you and wants to spend time with you but love is not in the picture.

I think a lot of American women put too much pressure on men saying I love you rather than developing the relationship.

I’m also going to refer to Björn’s answer below:
‘Dunno about the “love you part” it might be the truth, you have to understand that over here its a bit different in some things. You can for example meet a girl and have a very passionate time but more often than not its not more than that and people move on. It could very well be that he might be set in those ways and not think further than that even though he might actually have very strong feelings for you and not sure how to convey them.’ –Björn

Q: “So is that a normal thing.. that we always have to initiate the conversation (online)?” -clotilde

A: Judging from commenters, it does seem the women are initiating the conversation more than the Swedes. I don’t know why. Maybe he’s shy, maybe he doesn’t know what to say (small talk is not their strong point), or maybe he is an ass.

Whatever you do, don’t be the one to always initiate the talk. Then you become his crutch.

Q: “I guess my question would be how honest and faithful are Swedish men? Are they players as we say in America?” – Dian

A: Swedish men have the same probability of being faithful as American men or any other men for that matter. Swedish men prefer to seriously date one girl at a time. They also are not as heavy in playing the game or having wingmen. With that said, I do know some Swedes who date multiple girls at a time, like American guys, but they have no intention of having a girlfriend. Just some fun.

Q: “Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?” – Irene
A: Of course! Just because Swedish people tend to be blonder, boobier, taller people of the world doesn’t mean they don’t fall in love with different people. If you’re curvy bit still have a wonderful attitude and personality, it shouldn’t matter.

Q: I met a Swede in my class. He’s really cute and shy. We sit next to each other now and do talk. Will he ask me out? I’m not the type to ask a guy out but from what I’m reading here, the women do the asking.”

A: Yes and no. If you like him and he’s Swedish, then you should get his number and ask him out. For a coffee (fika), a drink, study date, something. If you still like after that, then do tell him that you dig him. That will put the ball in his court to reciprocate.

These are not all the answers on dating swedish men but I hope it makes you ladies less nervous and more confident.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves you, not someone you have to chase down.

Share with friends

32 Responses to Dating Swedish Men Q&A

Avatar

lh

October 8th, 2011 at 22:57

In general, is it safe to assume that these posts about Swedish men apply also to other Scandinavian countries (mainly, Norway and Denmark)?

thanks!

Avatar

Chrissy

October 9th, 2011 at 21:15

“Q: “Do Swedish men take awhile to say ‘I love you?’ Or they just say it because?””

hmmm…. from personal experience it takes them ages not only to say something as important as I love you, but anything NICE whatsoever :) say u miss him and he’ll say “aawh” – wth is that all about? Ive grown too tired of dragging the whole relationship on my own – im finished :) dunno how about the rest of the women, but I need a man who will reassure me at least time to time with a compliment, not even talking about some small gestures of appreciation like flowers (even if they grow in the back yard – im not a materialist)….. I give up and really envy the women who manage to get something good out of the swedish men :)))

Avatar

Sapphire

October 10th, 2011 at 12:33

lh – For the most part scandinavian men are similar but I hear that Norwegian and Danish men are a bit more outgoing than Swedish men.

Chrissy – Men in general are shy towards sharing feelings. But I agree, if your man is unable to say anything sweet like “I miss you” or “you look pretty” then you should tell him. Nicely.

I did tell my husband at once point, “You suck at compliments! Silly Swedish men.” It wasn’t nice but it was funny and solved our problem!

Avatar

Chrissy

October 10th, 2011 at 14:47

:))) I did tell him. All he managed to say was “really??” He later managed to admit that its just hard for him in general to express his feelings, but when I tried to get to the root of the problem he just distanced himself even more. Not like I wouldve laughed or anything. I even stepped over myself to tell him about my own feelings first, which I normally wouldnt do, but knowing the swedish shyness I figured there was no other way :) Yet for him to go out of his way – mission impossible. Oh well, relationship is meant to be about compromise, not one person running after and around the other, so i guess there was no relationship :) I blame the parents :) Women, lets raise our sons to be MEN :DDD

Avatar

Shira

October 13th, 2011 at 11:15

Chrissy, I would’nt starve my self immotionaly for someone, no matter how big I love him. I think there is a clear limit between cultural differences and just having a bad relationship. You told him that his behavour makes you unhappy and he didnt do a thing to solve it.
Swede or not swede, I think it’s time to say goodbye and if you are two lucky and your relationship is ment to be, he might get the clue after you’ll just “stop fighting”.

Btw, I have been only one day in Stkhlm and spent much more time in the north of Sweden and men are charming there and are mostly looking for a true love and not just time-pass. I could guess that being a “stockholmer” doesnt contribute to you being freindly and knowing how to hold other peoples feelings and needs.

Avatar

Chrissy

October 14th, 2011 at 17:44

Shira :) thanks for the advice, but I already said Ive ditched him hehehe :) I just didnt see a reason to bother anymore, just like you said – if he was serious about his feelings, he has my number :) and email address :) somehow doubtful tho :) Just going through the stage now where I have to stop thinking about him and reading all sorts of stockholm blogs probably hahaha :)))

Avatar

Kay

October 18th, 2011 at 20:10

I have been dating a Swede now for 5 months. He’s here in California studying. I am only 20 and he is 26 so there is that large age difference. Anyways, my Swede is not shy at all. He’s a bit of a partier and LOVES me. He was the first person to say I love you and talk about marriage like 3 weeks after meeting him. At first I was kind of like wait What??? But then I saw how big of a heart he truly has. Before I met him talking to his friends, you can tell he liked to play the field. Being so young myself it was a turn off. He likes to talk about how he feels and when I am stand offish he gets upset. haha maybe i have the sensitive swede.

Avatar

ohlalala

October 28th, 2011 at 10:06

Hi all, I have been dating a Swedish guy (from dating site) for 4 months. he is a nice & gentle guy. We have dated all weekends but he has never contacted me during the week. Me neither because i don’t know what I should do and because in my culture men often flirt and make a first move.

By the time of having nice time together, I’m aware of being interested in him and i think he is the same because he treat me well and really polite. For example, he cooked dinners for me sometimes, often wears the shirts and colors I like and complimented, ask me what style of the hair do i want him to cut, show me new clothes and ask me for opinion about his fashion taste and take me to romantic places…. He showed pictures of his friends, mother, grandmother as invited me to his apartment, shared about his friends’weddings and some stuff like that. Recently, when I invited him to a big party of my friends, he asked me to teach my language and took note carefully. Then he learned and tried to present about himself by my language in front of 30 people. And of course, this impressed me as well as all my friends. I think he likes me but in another way I’m also confused about that thought.

If he like me why he doesn’t contact me during the week. He has never said he likes me but we kissed together when we hanged out in the wood last weekend. He wanted to have another kiss but I didn’t do. He asked me to sit on his thighs to feel cozy but i headed off to other topic. But then i suddenly kissed him as we said goodbye.

I’m really confused about him and me too since i dont know what i should do now. Hope you guy can help me to figure out

Does he like me or just want to play without any serious things?

Should i make a first move by saying I like him?

Should I ask him about his feelings towards me?

Should I go with flow and enjoy it instead of thinking too much?

Oh i still have many questions but here are some important ones making me crazy these days. Drop me a feedback if you have clue for my case. Thanks in advance!

Avatar

Moonlight

November 18th, 2011 at 22:56

I cant help but notice that nobody answered ohlalala :) dunno if my twopence would be appropriate since i never properly dated a swede, but from what I gather, the guy DOES like you, otherwise he wouldnt let you into his world so much as he does. Only contacting you on weekends could mean that he’s busy with work during weekdays, maybe he just doesnt want to seem boring to you while his mind is still “at work”, or maybe he works late and is too polite to bother you after he finishes as it might be a bit late?

Should you make the first move? No idea tbh, it totally depends on an individual relationship, though one thing I know is the same with the men of pretty much any nationality – the more you tease them and the more you make them run around you as opposed of running after them yourself – the more they value you. A man might be at the undecided stage, where he’s not sure whether he likes you enough to start something or not, and opening up can easily go either way – either he’d have been waiting for this reassurance or he’ll treat it as you trying to invade his life and get defensive… Its up to you to try and foresee which way would it go :) Last time I was brave enough to do that – the guy didnt know whether to laugh or cry, he was gay, and I failed to spot it before I fell for him :))) but we managed to stay friends – VERY good friends at that :D

So I’d say – go with the flow, use body language to let him know that you do give a damn about him, but let him be when he doesnt contact you. Maybe send a text with a plain “:)” if you’re really impatient :) But men are a bit like kids and patience is a virtue with them :)

Avatar

Karen

December 16th, 2011 at 19:01

Hello everyone!

Honestly, no one should try to understand Swedes. If they do not bother to understand the cultural differences, why would you?

If you don’t want to put up with the lack of compliments and a relationship with no passion, then it is time to leave.
Not all swedes are like that, but northern europeans are for sure a lot less passionate than southern guys. So if you are looking for an italian, then it is the wrong country you’re looking for.

It’s my own experience: they will not change for you. They will not change anything to be with you. It’s not a matter of lack of feelings, but it’s just how they are. Embrace it or leave it :))

Avatar

Daniel

January 1st, 2012 at 21:07

Hi Ladies. Im A Swedish Guy. There seems to be a kind of a missmatch here. The thing you foreign women seem to like about us, the egalitarian side of us, our ways and in a way our lack of a macho attitude is the result of equality between the sexes. You can not have a “latinlover” and a Swedish man in the same person, it´s two opposites. That is also why Swedish men will actually let you pay for yourself on a date, if you say you want to, we will respect it.
There is also quite harsh harrassmentlaws in Sweden, theese laws have contributed to the fact that most Swedish men wont “hunt” you as men from other cultures might if you turn him down. This might seem prejidous but its an example. If you turn a Swedish guy down, he will respect that, if you say that you want to pay for yourself, we will respect that to. And when it comes to saying “i love you” it is not something that we throw around us like a compliment. It actually means something when we say it.
Another thing that has influence on us is the fact that Swedish men and women are equals even in the field of sex, if you won´t give it to us there are others that will, and we know it, just like women do all around the world.

And bye the way, don´t forget that most Swedish people are just one or two generations from living in the moiddle of a forest somewhere in our countryside, i.e we are not a cultural people like the Italians with thousands of years of citydwelling.
Good luck att catching one of us
Love from Sweden

Avatar

canadiangirl

February 18th, 2012 at 17:38

Im just a young girl but here are some of my thoughts. Swedish guys in my opinion are very shy compared to north american men. If they compliment u most of the time they insist they are sincere. (im used to compliments to where the guy is just trying to get on ur good side-players) I find they are easy to talk to about interests n they listen to u politely as you babble on. They do seem to get uncomfortable if you mention sexual things. (americans for the matter seem to get into it n are interested in how many men u have been with etc.)

Avatar

canadiangirl

February 18th, 2012 at 17:44

For the most part i find them charming n i totally love their mannerisms. It would be cool to snag a cute blue-eyed swedish guy but right now that is unlikely because im in canada and they r a rare sight in my area. Have a good day.

Avatar

R.R

February 21st, 2012 at 08:38

Um.. I have this swedish really close friend… I like him more than a friend..He’s not very direct… quite indirect. He does flirt.. Sometimes he would you know act like he owns me and other times he’ll be very cold towards me like he doesnt even want to talk to me.. I dont understand,.. He acts like he likes me sometimes and other times he doesnt. Im very confused .. And i get really sad…We met online. And havent met in real life.. not yet atleast. We both do want to meet eachother.. But im still young and he’ll just have to wait for atleast a few years..Do u think he would wait..? Do you think he likes me back? PLS ANSWER!

Avatar

Ilse

March 11th, 2012 at 18:31

Hey, I’ve been interested in a Swedish guy for quite some time. We’ve been chatting and we’ve gotten quite close. I’m from South Africa, and I’d like to know if Swedish men take a liking to exotic women (women of colour). The last thing I want to do is tell him I like him and he thinks I’m being silly. Your advice would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks

Avatar

GR

April 30th, 2012 at 19:23

Hello, Dear Ilse ….I want to give u my opinion in ur question.I have to mention that from personal experience if u have gotten close to the guy he probably likes ur exotic part..and has no problem with that .In fact i must tell u that for most of the Scandinavian men it´s quite interesting and thrilling to meet a different temperament ..way of thinking and culture probably because they are use to one type of behaviour
and want to know something ´´new´´.But still don´t be too fast with ur declarations…u should tell him u like him but don´t be to rushy to go deeper than that before u have seen his reaction

Avatar

Rob

May 21st, 2012 at 20:53

I’m a swedish guy at age 25. I was wondering if it’s easy to meet American or Canadian girls that want to move to Sweden and meet a blonde swedish guy to maybe start a relationship with. Where can I find them? I havent really started to look yet but maybe someone here can give me some tips?
Ooh yeah and also! “Fika” to swedish people is more importent then sex! We do it 4 times a day and LOVE it! ;) hehe

Avatar

Stacy

August 8th, 2012 at 07:39

I met a swedish guy online and he was suPer sweet. I didn’t find him to be shy or reserved at all and he was the one who initiated conversations and told me he loved me first. I guess it just depends on the guy

Avatar

martha

August 21st, 2012 at 19:18

surely there must be some there !

Avatar

Mia

August 25th, 2012 at 02:47

I found a website called Fuck Yeah, Scandinavian Men!

http://fuckyeahscandinavianmen.tumblr.com/ This website has many pictures of Scandinavian men, and fuck yeah they look beautiful. It is a HUGE TURN OFF that they are so shy and weak! Well, probably that explains why they are so handsome but not so popular.

By the way somebody have had sex with a Scandinavian man? Are they good? hot? so so? or as bad as Germans :S Germans suck hehe, they are really bad lovers.

Avatar

Belle

August 31st, 2012 at 10:08

I have quite a few questions for my (potentially) Swede. Too bad, he’ll never trawl this site and actually see them lol.

1. Why is he so stand-offish? Even when he’s been so talkative to me the day before?
2. Why does he text first, yet never make a legit move face-to-face?
3. Why does he text stuff that could be seen as flirty, e.g I miss you, lets meet up etc YET NEVER FLIRTS IN PERSON?
4. Why would you ask me if I have a boyfriend/other half…..if it didn’t matter to you?
And I swear to God he tried to hide the relieved expression on his face when I said I didn’t.

He is really quiet, yet can open up, is shy and introspective.
Is he a typical Swede? Or a serial killer?
There is a fine line.
BTW this is in London, we’re both Uni students.
And I’m British (mixed race though, Somali/Italian/Finnish)

Avatar

Agnessa

November 6th, 2012 at 04:41

I am a Russian girl who has been dating a Swedish guy for years. He is 3 years older than me, when we met I was 15 years old. I love him so much. We will get married after I graduate from my university. I had been to Sweden a lot to visit him and he visits me regularly.

My Swedish guy is a very handsome one. He is tall and masculin. He has so lovely blue eyes. I can say that he is a typical Scandinavian men. They are tall and masculin. And he is so respectful and helpful. I live with my parents in Moscow but when both he and I are free from schools/works, I go to his country and live in his house. And I love to cook food and stuff for him but he always helps me. If I cook the food, he cleans around :). I find it sooo cute. And he cooks foods for me, we eat together. He is very cute and masculin. When I see him cooking pasta for me with his amazing masculin hands, I just want to kiss his hands =).

And this is something so normal in their culture. Swedish (Scandinavian) men are helpful. And they are caring as well. They do care about their girls problems and everything.

I like western men the most in general. I think western men are the handsome and lovely ones… But I like especially the Scandinavian men. If any of you want to date or marry a Swedish guy. I can say that be honest and royal. You will see how much happy he will make you :).

Avatar

Marcelina

November 15th, 2012 at 16:15

Yes That’s true. The Swedish men are very handsome and Lovely!

Avatar

Alice

December 4th, 2012 at 19:39

@Mia

I have slept with a few Swedish men. They are extremely perfect at bed. They know how to make women feel feminin and happy in the bed. My friends who dated Swedish men say that Swedish men are the best ones.

Avatar

Anna

December 10th, 2012 at 05:21

Swedish men are hawt :).

Avatar

Andreas

December 30th, 2012 at 03:16

Hi! Im a swedish guy, 26 years.
I just want to make one thing clear.
In the swedish language there are
Two words for Love.
One of the two are Kärlek.
The other one is Älska.
Hence the issue with the “I love you” phrase.
There is a general idea in Sweden that
Americans tend to use the word to lightly,
buth then again you only got One word for it.
The nature of the two words are alike,
But to älska someone is considered way deeper
than feeling kärlek for him/her/it.
Its hard to explain linguistical things as these… ;-)

Avatar

Linde

February 27th, 2013 at 09:07

i want to go back to stockholm! i have seen the best looking men there. and they know how to behave to girls.

Avatar

Aria

June 17th, 2013 at 21:58

I met a Swedish man on the boat cruise. It was instant attraction We talked for hours- of course he has been living with a woman for 22 years but has not had sex with her for at least 15. He feels guilty if he leaves her but says he wants to- Now he just left from visiting me in my home and he says he loves me and needs time to make a plan. We are both in our late 50s and I feel I don’t want to wait for years for this man to make up his mind. We are so suited to each other it ´seems as if we have known each other for years. Am I just going to be the woman on the side. What should I do,

Avatar

DeepSoul

June 20th, 2013 at 18:40

@Aria….yikes! Tough situation! Does this man have children with this woman? There must still be some emotional ties between them. I would say be very careful with investing your feelings inti that relationship. He is still living with that other woman. He may say one thing, but actions are different! Yes, I don’t blame you for not wanting to wait forever! Life is short, so find your own happiness! :) Unfortunately in your current situatiin you may just be “the woman on tge side”, but remember the ball is in your hands and you have the ability to not allow it. Easier said than done….I know. We are women and think with our hearts! Listen to your intuition. You know what’s best!

Avatar

DeepSoul

June 20th, 2013 at 18:44

Haha sorry for all the errors! I am writing from my phone and also meant to say “the ball is in your court”! :)

Avatar

Suna

August 10th, 2013 at 01:02

Hello everyone!

I am in need of advice. My situation might be slightly more complicated and I would love to hear your opinions,

I am an European girl (not Swedish though) and I am interested in a Swedish guy who is popular in his industry. He is super shy and as far as I know he is not interested in girls at the moment. However, he has plenty of girls after him including one who seems to be quite pushy and even admitted on twitter to like him… He didn’t answer anything to her. In fact, I have never read any answer in tweeter from him to her. They know each other personally though and have a friend in common.

My main concern is the fact that we don’t know each other. I have tweeted him once or twice just wishing him luck in his project, but I am surely just one more random person talking to him… How am I going to get his attention and noticed?
There is another online place where I can talk to him, but it’s like a forum and we are identified by nicknames.

I don’t know for sure how to meet him and then have a chance with him. I don’t mind the fact that he is focused in what he does and not really interested in romance at the moment. I am not in a rush and I appreciate the fact that we can become friends first or at least.

P.S 1.: I am planning to move to Stockholm (where he lives), not exclusively because of him. I am planning to work there.

P.S 2: He is 21, but seems to be very down to earth and mature for his age. I am a bit older than him.

Thanks in advance and hugs to everyone! ;)

Avatar

jessaned

October 27th, 2013 at 02:27

Here’s some questions I can’t seem to find answers to:
1. Do Swedish guys like physical affection – cuddling on the couch, touching in public (when you joke sometimes you put your hand on someone to show your attraction to them, etc.)?

2. Do they usually initiate getting physical (kissing, touching leading to that, having sex etc.)?

3. How would I know if someone I expressed interest in actually likes me back? I’d hate to make the first physical move and them be scared off. I told him I have nothing to hide and that I really like him, but he’s so hard to read. He replied I wouldn’t be talking with you with so much ease if I didn’t. but it’s hard to tell if he meant as more.

4. And with that in mind, how are wives and girlfriends reassured that their Swede still loves/likes them? Guys in America will stand closer to a girl if he wants ppl to know she’s his. At home in the US a guy might stop and just give them a kiss or thank them for doing a chore & get small gifts (get favorite chocolate bar or something here and there. Do they do similar things?

Comment Form

Top