Stupid Emails I Receive

14 Jan
2011

I get some awesome from people who read this blog. And many times, I don’t have time to answer them all. I’m really sorry but sometimes life, work, and everything else takes over and I cannot answer your email. Please don’t hate me, but you can think I’m an idiot.

And so in the spirit of idiocy, I thought I would like to share the dumbest, stupidest, weirdest emails I have received.

This list is in no particular order, but rest assured, I will never email those people.
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How’s it going?

I like your blog, and was wondering if you’d be open to a guest post? I am offering it free. You can make editorial changes and pick the title. It will be unique, high quality, and save you time. The article would contain links to some of my sites.

Sincerely,
Andrew Wang


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note from Sapphire: turns out the website was a poor quality dating site with really bland information. the company that owns that site also owns so true credit card reports and lenox china sites. sounds totally legit!

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Do you wish you could increase your online leads? We have helped a lot of businesses thrive in this market and we can help you! Simply hit reply and I’ll share with you the cost and the benefits.
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–> note from Sapphire: I get a lot of SEO spam. It’s rather funny when an SEO company spams me and thinks they will have my business. How stupid are they??

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im single from lebanon my name is elias turk i would love to work and live in sweden im 20 smart,quick learner and healthy
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hi am young man i wanna meet and make relation with sweet swidish girl
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To whom this may concern.I took a flight back from Amsterdam, NL. on the 23rd of December 2010, to Munch Germany. I checked in a bag as an extra suitcase,payed an extra 55.00 Euros and I tried to call the luggage tracing department of KLM in Amsterdam and nobody is able to help me. Today is the 8th of January 2011, and I have no nowledge of where my luggage is at or what is going on. I would really appreciate for you to contact me, asap. My phone number in Germany is 09662-7027210. I thank you in advance.
Sincerly
Arno Nortan

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–> FYI from Sapphire, I am not an airline. Even though that would be really cool.

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i am 34 short dark hair slim looking for someone beetween 10 to 40 for fun or love to look after
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hi its che how you doin am looking for a very fine swedish girl to share love with cus i lov them so much
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i invite young lady to visit india,stay with me/family as family friend.i will look after her.sould be sincere
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Hi I am Hailemariam from Ethiopia and I want to meet sweedish womens
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hi
this is nick from xyz.com
i have across your website by google and read some post on your blog. right now i am looking at distribute our t-shirts product to sweden. can you please suggest some cool market or shops. it will be great help
xyz.com
thank you

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note from sapphire: i really didn’t know what this guy wanted me to do. find him businesses? get him leads?

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I would like to purchase Swedish Julbocken gaaaaaaate goatss Pirces and shipping, Swedish stars, prices, etc. Swedish tomtens, prices, etc. I live in So. Caslifornia. Thank you
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High there,i am a ghanaian and wish to take you as a friend that may lead to true marriage,thanks,-fred
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dear sir;
i hope to be busines between us im wissam from lebanon and i gave to you my email address to contact each other you can reply. thx wissam kaddoura

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note from sapphire: what the hell is he saying?!

If you have your own stupid emails to post, do share!

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12 Responses to Stupid Emails I Receive

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Erik

January 14th, 2011 at 13:54

Haha, love when you get those weird e-mail!

I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails from some banker in Ouagadougou (apparently the capital in Burkina Faso) who tells me that I got a rich Swiss relative that just died and he put his entire fortune in their bank. So if I just give out my account nr. they can put in the millions of dollars that I am to inherit! Wooohoo, I will get totally rich from the death of a rich Swiss relative that apparently lived up in a castle in the Swiss alps! Sounds totally legit.

And hey, now you can add “very fine swedish girl” to your name! Like Bond, but “very fine swedish girl” instead!

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Sapphire

January 14th, 2011 at 22:14

Well Erik, duh, of course you have rich, dead Swiss relative. Everyone does! Ahahaha.

Hopefully when you get your millions from Burkina Faso you will share with all of us here. ;)

I love it! “very find swedish girl”

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Emery

January 15th, 2011 at 10:28

Luckily I haven’t gotten any spam mail, I’ve gotten one legit email from a blog reader though. That was cool. Other than that all I get are spam comments on my blog bluntly advertising for penis enlargement pills or sex cam chats. I mean seriously they’re not even sneaky about it. When someone’s name is “Penis Pump” and they link to some spam site of course I’m not gonna approve it @_@ mehhh. They are persistent little buggers though.

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Sapphire

January 15th, 2011 at 12:44

@Emery – You should get Akismet plugin installed. It kills 99.99% of spam comments and marks them as spam.

I get around 100-300 spam comments a day. Having that is a big relief.

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Erik

January 15th, 2011 at 17:09

Oh of course I will share my imaginary money from my non existent super rich dead Swiss relative!

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Emery

January 15th, 2011 at 18:27

I tried but Akismet wanted me to pay for it. I only get about 10-15spam comments a day so its not at the point where I’m willing to pay for a plugin to automatically filter them out.

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Mazui

January 16th, 2011 at 12:52

Apart from the normal spam I don’t get many strange emails.

I get a fair number of weird phone calls though:

caller #1: Hi. We who live in this housing cooperative are getting concerned with your inaction. If you don’t take your task seriously we’re going to have to appoint a new chairman.

me: What? I’m not your chairman. I rent my apartment.

caller #2: Hi. I’m calling to remind you to pay your motorcycle insurance.
me: Huh? I don’t even have a motorcycle license.

Turned out someone had taken an insurance in my name, which is strange since I’m the only one with that name in Sweden.

caller #3: Hi. I live at xxxstreet nr. 34.
me: Ok?
caller #3: The drain in my bath tub is clogged.
me: So?
caller #3: So… could you come and fix it?
me: No.

I got quite a few of #3. Turned out a housing company had put my number in their phone system instead of a janitor’s number.

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survivinginsweden

January 17th, 2011 at 21:20

Ever since I signed up to one particular Swedish website – for people moving to Sweden – I get at least one email per week from ‘women’ wanting to be my new friend. They are very eager for me to respond so that they can start sending me photos and everything.

Sadly, I don’t think they are really looking for my friendship –

I did get one really strange letter – the typical help me take care of 8 million dollars and you can keep half – only the 8 million inheritance was the result of a murder. Wow, I mean, do I really want 4 million dollars from someone who was murdered for mysterious reasons? No thanks!

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Erik

January 17th, 2011 at 23:16

@ survivingsweden: Oh but I can take those 4 million dollars, I’ve already gotten some from that mysterious Swiss relative so I don’t mind 4 million more!

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DeepSoul

January 24th, 2011 at 04:56

Hey Sapphire!! :D How have you been beautiful? Hope you had a nice Christmas and New Year. In regards to these messages you received, I am not surprised. I am especially not surprised by the these men who lack social skills, wanting you to find them Swedish women. I suppose they never paid attention to the fact that this is NOT a dating site. Also, I never knew you were affiliated with KLM! LOL Well, this thread made me laugh. Hope all is well with you and yours.

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Winnie

January 25th, 2011 at 00:31

Hilarious! This one made me cringe.

i am 34 short dark hair slim looking for someone beetween 10 to 40 for fun or love to look after

(S)He’s looking for someone as young as 10 years old to love?

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Hana - Marmota

January 25th, 2011 at 12:25

“and wish to take you as a friend that may lead to true marriage”

Oh my.
What is a “true marriage”? (And I really do not want to know what is “not true marriage”.)

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