The New Questions on Swedish Dating

26 Jun
2010

It’s that time again! The dying questions for swedish men is chock full of goodness of information.  Before we start on our new questions about swedish dating, here’s a summary of what we know about swedish men and women.

Swedish men:
Are very good listeners
Are quiet and shy
Help doing house work
Cook dinner, breakfast or a little smörgås
Give the look
Are respectful
Like foreign girls (who doesn’t like anything exotic?)

Swedish women:
Want romance too
Love confident men
Are beautiful
Like foreign men
Are sensitive at heart

And now the A-Z of questions we still discuss and ponder about.  A big thanks to all the readers who continuously comment and share their love stories.

  • If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
  • Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?
  • Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?
  • Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?
  • Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?
  • What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?
  • Do Swedish women give the look too?
  • What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?
  • Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?
  • What are signs of flirtatious behavior?
  • Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?
  • Does the ‘player’ culture exist?
  • How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?
  • Do they like blonds or brunettes?
  • Is it true Swedes are very rude?
  • Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?
  • Do they fall in love really hard?

It’s not easy dating Swedish women.  And the swedish male proves to be both confusing and amusing.  Just remember, they’re still people too, and sometimes a man is just a man.

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535 Responses to The New Questions on Swedish Dating

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Fredrik

June 27th, 2010 at 03:23

I live in Stockholm, Sweden and I met a girl from the US online about 8 months ago and we’ve talked every day since. She’s coming to Stockholm to see me for a few days in July.
I’ve got to try this “look” superpower I’m suppose to have!;)

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DeepSoul

June 27th, 2010 at 07:37

Hej Fredrik!

Best wishes to the both of you! I hope your relationship takes off and grows. Let us know what happens! LOL, “Superpower”. Eh, just be yourself and that is all that matters. :)

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Ben

June 27th, 2010 at 10:42

@Fredrik – Unless you’re living somewhere out in the suburbs, wearing a cap, sweatshirt and gym pants I think you’re pretty much on the clear ;P

Good luck with her :)

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Fredrik

June 27th, 2010 at 13:16

@DeepSoul But I want a superpower…

@Ben I live a 10 minute walk away from T-Centralen, I don’t wear hats, I have some hoodies (but I doubt they’re of the style you’re referring to) and I pretty much only wear jeans (unless I’m actually at the gym). So yeah, hopefully it’ll be just fine. It’s not like she hasn’t seen what I look like a thousand times before.

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Fredrik

June 27th, 2010 at 13:16

@DeepSoul

@Ben

and thanks!

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Ben

June 27th, 2010 at 19:25

@Fredrik – Yeah, it’s not like she’d dislike you for your style, the clothes you’re wearing seem just about right. :)

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Ben

June 27th, 2010 at 19:34

-How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?

– I would appreciate a girl who did pretty much what a guy would do, I would recognize the approach as my own and be intrigued. Ask blatant as well as subtly sexual questions and get him interested in you. A girl who’s forward is more fascinating than someone you have to pick questions out of. Look at the guys’ Game and make it your own.

Cheers :)

-Ben

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Ben

June 27th, 2010 at 19:36

For clarity

– I would appreciate a girl who did pretty much what a guy would do, THEN I would recognize the approach as my own and be intrigued.

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Ben

June 27th, 2010 at 19:53

- Is it true that they hate monogamy? Do they fall in love really hard?
–See what I wrote about “naturals”, these guys often have problems with being exclusive, but, they’re in a minority.

-Does the ‘player’ culture exist?
–The player culture does exist, though mostly among “naturals”(men who have a natural way with women)

-Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?
–Spontaneous.

-If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
–I feel as a start texting’s better and if I like you I’d love to hear your voice :)

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Emilie

June 27th, 2010 at 22:25

So basically if I want to know where I stand I should not try to date a Swede lol

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Sapphire

June 27th, 2010 at 23:06

@Fredrik – Try to avoid any red pants when you first meet the girl. The Look involves batting your eyes and looking down up at her and down again and smiling a little.

@Emilie – I think dating any man has its ups and downs. Swedish men can be particularly confusing because of the cultural and linguistic differences. I certainly wouldn’t rule out dating swedish men because they are lovely people too!

@Ben -Thanks for your thoughts. Spontaneous is a word I have not thought of but is a great way to describe the dating scene. Things just happen, go with the flow then!

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Emilie

June 27th, 2010 at 23:15

Thanks Sapphire, the thing is he is half Swedish, half English and grew up here! So I have the problem of working out what is the Swedish part and what is the English part lol. What I mean is how do I know what to do next? Confused… He asked me out once but I couldn’t go as I was away. So am I now expected to ask him out. Being an English woman I just thought he would ask again if he liked me but am I wrong in that if his Swedish part is at the fore lol. Really its too confusing!

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Sapphire

June 27th, 2010 at 23:28

@Emilie – I would ask him out since you missed out on the first time. No harm in that . I don’t know much about English men, but I presume as any man, they are full of silliness. If you really like him, follow up and ask him out.

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Dano

June 28th, 2010 at 00:57

@ Frederik – 8 months talking everyday and still at “the look” stage!!! WTF?
You’ve not discovered online sex chat? Phone sex? Webcam sex?
Forget the look,she’s American,they’re all sluts…ask any Arab/ Indian male!

@ Ben – so basically what you’re saying covertly is that you prefer a woman to beat you about the head with a bat and scream “GREEN LIGHT!” into your ear?

@ Deepsoul – Hiya! :)

@Emilie – Appeal to his English side..buy him fish & chips then ask if he fancies a shag behind the bus shelter! ;)

@ Sapphire – Is that ^^^ what ya mean by “full of silliness”? lol :P

Yes i’m English! Yes we’re out of the world cup! Yes i’m pissy! Carry on :)

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Ben

June 28th, 2010 at 08:14

@Dano – Well excuse me for being a bit dullwitted, and upping one’s selfconfidence is never a bad thing xD That’s just one scenario though, having a nice conversation with a woman is pleasant as well :) And it doesn’t have to lead to anything directly, often you become friends and THEN after that you start dating.

@Emilie – Heck no, I keep forgetting this isn’t the swedish dating scene but the international dating scene. Sorry for perhaps seeming cryptic? Do what Dano says, show him some of your culture. Swedes love to explore other cultures, so show him yours.

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Fredrik

June 28th, 2010 at 11:52

@Dano Ass.

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Dano

June 28th, 2010 at 12:39

@ Ben – Lol, i agree fully mate!

@ Fredrik – This is where you’ll fail with International women.Find,beg steal or borrow a sense of humour mate! Because if your “look” works,then a lot of other things are going to be expected. ;)
Oh,and neither you nor I are American..so please call me “arse” or “arsle”..I’ll answer to either! :)

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Ben

June 28th, 2010 at 15:51

*Has a sudden urge to play diplomat* xD

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EJM1234

June 28th, 2010 at 17:09

Apparently, us American girls are “sluts” as Dano so lovingly put it so maybe I won’t have any trouble in this department :P, but my questions to the Swedish Men is: Is there a lot of Interracial Dating in Sweden? Would a petite African-American girl have any trouble nabbing a Swede (I’ll be living there in about 2 years)

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Emilie

June 28th, 2010 at 18:21

hahaha! @ Dano you kill me! yeah bad news about the footie eh…
Do you need cheering up? :-D

Well not only is the guy half-Swedish he grew up here! So I would guess he knows what an English woman expects by now! He also removed me of his friend’s list don’t forget in a childish strop lol so I feel like he can ask me out again if he wants to. Am I not worth the respect? Yes I am!

@EJM I suspect Dano was being slightly umm how shall i put it , like a devil’s advocate as he did say that is what an Arab/ Indian would assume of the American dating culture (possibly because their cultures are very different!). :-)

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Ben

June 28th, 2010 at 19:44

@EJM – Oh, I wouldn’t mind one myself;) Hmm, what i’ve seen is there are interracial relationships, but I rarely see them so I’m not sure whether it’s a lack of black girls or whether Swedish guys like white girls better, there’s nothing wrong with dating an african-american girl in Sweden if that’s what you mean.

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Princess

June 28th, 2010 at 20:34

@Dano – still making me chuckle on new thread. Stiff upper lip you Bit about the football – hey we did better than the Swedish!

@Emilie – hate to sound a cow (but am quite good at that) but please stop with this half Swede/Eng bloke thing now – he’s a douche – you ARE better – so move on lady.

@Frederik – ah bless if you want a superpower you have one. Least you Swedes look properly at the ladies not like the silly British guys…

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Fredrik

June 28th, 2010 at 21:05

@Dano I assumed you were serious. About the so called “look” taking 8 months to happen I’ll attribute that to us never having seen each other IRL. Eye contact doesn’t really work over video chat.

@Princess Maybe I should put in some freaky contacts and scare the f out of her.
I don’t know if Swedes look “properly” at ladies. I’ve seen plenty of assholes.

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DeepSoul

June 28th, 2010 at 22:14

@Dano….Hiya..you ARSE LOL j/k Mwah!! We have already talked about my American culture ^^ How are you doing? Enjoying the weather in Sweden? Oh, and we were hoping to take the Cup.. if that day ever happens, I think it will be the end of times hehe.

@Princess….oh snap LOL You put people in their places :D Loving it!

@Ben…Welcome to the threads :)

@Emilie…I remember you talking about him. What has happened since? How are you doing? :)

@Sapphire…beautiful engagement photos! :)

@Fredrik…Superpower rock. Ask Dano how they are working for him..hehe j/k Dano…wait, you will way you have superpowers! :D

Have a fabulous day everybody!

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DeepSoul

June 28th, 2010 at 22:15

Damnit..I hate typos! :D

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Emilie

June 28th, 2010 at 22:21

@ Princess no no not a cow at all, I need telling straight most likely lol

@Deepsoul hi! thanks for asking, nothing much different here lol, I message now and again with light-hearted banter and he doesn’t reply. The words lost cause come to mind. The great news is I finally sent sample chapters of my novel to a publisher :-D very pleased with me! Now I am awaiting the rejection slip lol but then I shall try another! How are you?

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Sapphire

June 28th, 2010 at 22:28

I leave you guys alone for one day and I already have 10 comments!

Okay, will someone please go over to the post about The Look and post their 2 cents plus tip?

@Dano – Arse. (Covered Fredrik)

@Emilie – I think I missed it, what are you writing about?

@DeepSoul – thanks! will be posting more photos soon.

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EJM1234

June 29th, 2010 at 00:58

Oh I know, Dano wasn’t serious :P I was just joking! Maybe there isn’t a lot of African-Americans in Sweden. I hope I don’t feel out of place LOL! It’s nice to hear that there are some men in Sweden who don’t mind dating out of their race. Anymore info?

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darklight

June 29th, 2010 at 06:31

i have been talking to few Swedish women online.I must say they are pretty shy and little boring :P the so called ‘awkward silence’ between the conversations doesn’t seem to be awkward for them,they just don’t try to break it no matter what :P but i found them intelligent, open minded and artistic :) i kinda feel bad for them because,they do love to be treated like a WOMAN, but the gender equality crap seems to be screwing their heads :P (all you swedish men:learn to be little sweet,bold and romantic, i just don’t like it when women aren’t treated sweetly :P lol)
this is what a young swedish girl thinks about swedish guys:
they are often (definitly not all of them!) silent and pretty macho… pale, and can seem uninterested in you.. but they can also be really odd and funny, and loyal… most of them are realex and doesnt care about what other people think.
warning: if your dating a swedish girl just be ready get dumped anytime ( sure one of the girls is going to leave her boyfriend for me :P and i have been talking only since about a month)

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Ben

June 29th, 2010 at 08:48

Darklight – “if you’re dating a swedish girl just be ready get dumped any time (sure one of the girls is going to leave her boyfriend for me :P and i have been talking only since about a month)”

Had that happen twice, but those were foreign girls :D

I take a liking to foreign women, they’re often more exciting than swedish women and are less insecure. And you can choose from a great variety of them!

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Princess

June 29th, 2010 at 18:30

@Darklight – please can you clarify what is ‘bold, sweet and romantic’ about splitting up a couple??

@Ben – us foreign wimmin aren’t on flippin buffet mate – respect please!

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DeepSoul

June 29th, 2010 at 20:35

@Princess…and there you go!! hehe Love it when you come on here! ;)

@Emilie…He still isn’t responding? Oh goodness! That is very frustrating! However, I am sending some positive vibes your way! I hope your synopsis/samples gets a great response. Where are you by the way? Are you in the states? I write as well. I am sure you have checked out many publishers. I am doing well. I went to a wedding this past weekend. It was fabulous! I would love to hear what genres you are interested in. It would be great hear from you. Enjoy your day! :)

@EJM1234…You sound like a lovely woman, so I am sure you should have no problems meeting people! :)

Where is Dano and his superpowers? hehe :D

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Ben

June 29th, 2010 at 23:15

@Princess – I had no idea they left their guys, and I was showing Darklight that Swedish women aren’t exclusive when it comes to leaving their men for anyone.

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Emilie

June 29th, 2010 at 23:27

@ Ben yes women aren’t like all you can eat for a tenner haha
@ Deepsoul I am English :-) yes well he kind of responds or at least i think he does (but it’s hard to know for sure) when he’s at work doing his in the public eye thing but then am I reading too much into it? Who knows. I have now e-mailed him with a work related thing but still saying a bit annoyed at him for removing me from his social networking site. Sigh I still have very tender feelings for him… I can’t help it I’m a sucker for a passionate sensitive dreamy artist type, wish I could fall for someone more practical lol. It’s my Mars in Pisces thats to blame.
My writing is stream of consciousness philosophy mixed with um autobiography, fiction, anti-romance and sardonic humour :-D what about yours?

@Dano
yeah come back Dano all is forgiven, I want to know what your superpowers are…

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Ben

June 29th, 2010 at 23:28

@Princess – It’s got nothing to do with respectlesness, or a buffet table. You got a bigger chance of meeting the right one in 6 billion than in 9 million, and there’s a lot more to look for in the former.

(Delete my second to last post will ya, Sapphire?)

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Deepsoul

June 30th, 2010 at 08:04

@Emilie….Hey, we need to get in touch LOL I think we have a lot in common. Here is my e-mail. Orchid_eyes@hotmail.com I mostly focus on historical fiction. It is no picnic, but I suppose is it is my my forte. ^^ Mars in Pisces..cute. I would love to hear from you. :)

@Dano..come out of hiding, unless being invisible is your superpower! ^^

Have a great day everybody! ;) xoxoxo

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Kay

June 30th, 2010 at 11:32

Hey Sapphire,

You know I will be arriving on July 20th for my move to Stockholm from the U.S…..since I broke up with my bf here when I decided to move, I will be taking the dating thing slowly (maybe) BUT I am looking forward to a different type of male mindset. Even though dating everywhere is a game, at least this is a different game that should be fun to play! I can definitely appreciate the beauty of Nordic men and sometimes it is refreshing for a man to be reserved. I plan on testing out these theories on Swedish men :)

I will say that I hope that the comment about monogamy is not true. There are some things I just won’t put up with!

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darklight

June 30th, 2010 at 12:56

@ princess- that’s a genuine question.well splitting is not in my decision,it has to be her’s..its about making a women you like feel happy,comfortable and special and like a ‘princess’:P lol..and the rest is not in your hands..i hope you get my observation that most swedish women are in need of some sweet,bold and romantic partners (we’re talking about swedish dating culture here)
@ ben- swedish women are known to be very beautiful which makes it obvious that they have more options to choose from and hence high chances of leaving..that is what i meant..and chill out bro..you didn’t say anything wrong..they’re just kidding around with you :P
If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
calling at first is kinda weird and makes them uncomfortable for both men and women

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Dano

June 30th, 2010 at 17:12

Gawd! Summers here and i have metal detecting to do!! Can’t spend my days on here upsetting people and making girls laugh! :P

How come everyone wants to know my superpowers..then refuse to undress and lie down when i want to show them? Weird.

Princess it’s “Smörgåsbord” here,not “buffet”! :P

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Ben

June 30th, 2010 at 17:33

Dano – Yeah I think that’s what got me so confused ;) “Buffet”, never heard of that word :P

-How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?
…You start talking to him, first sparsely to not scare him away. If he’s interested in you he’ll start talking to you. Swedes have a very strong feeling of independence so you’ll need to show yourself interesting for him to pay notice :) <– This can also be applied in every day situations. Dating openings are generally very sparce in Sweden so you need to make one.

I'm still alive :) I've had a slow day at work so it's nice coming home and relaxing on the couch, even though it's a quick visit for me right now.

I'm out with the dogs, helping my mother babysit them for when she gets back!

Until next time,

-Ben :)

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Emilie

June 30th, 2010 at 20:08

@ Dano I bet you say that to all the girls…

I have questions for everyone here. Would you say that Swedish men often have an alcohol problem? I mean, if they depend on it to be able to chat to a woman. Also would you say they can be quite childlike if they like you? I found this anyway and have heard it mentioned elsewhere too. Thanks :-)

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Fredrik

June 30th, 2010 at 20:37

@Emilie I rarely drink at all but I might be a minority. Isn’t that kind of the case everywhere though?

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Emilie

June 30th, 2010 at 21:35

@Fredrik thanks, its just that I heard a Swedish male needs a good watering before he can really open uo and chat to a woman lol i don’t think it is the case for all men, for example an Italian may well pinch your bum in the street or an American may chat you up at the fast food outlet! Englsih men well we know they drink all the time haha :-)

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Fredrik

June 30th, 2010 at 22:17

@Emilie lol yeah well I guess the drinking helps the shy ones.

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Ben

June 30th, 2010 at 23:51

Emilie… Alcoholism’s spreading throughout sweden today but I think that’s got to do with people being more exploratory today :)

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Dano

July 1st, 2010 at 11:49

I think it’s got more to do with them being pissheads,but thats just my view. :P
I’m English..i don’t drink! :P

@ Emilie – yes hun,i often say to girls “fancy a quick Smörgåsbord”. ;)

I think MANY men need a little “dutch courage” as we call needing a drink before getting brave,before making a move on a girl.Helps us deal with the rejection..or the total shock if she responds well! lol.

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Gustaf

July 1st, 2010 at 16:28

How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?

I myself like straight forward girls. If you are interested in me and would like to ask me out, just do it.
I dont’ often ask a girl out on a first date, i prefer to pick and choose.

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Gustaf

July 1st, 2010 at 17:00

What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?

I would say, söder, that’s the place to be. Try hittin’ a few bars/pub’s and you will eventually come across one. Avoid the clubs, clubs are terrible places for hooking up. Loud, cramped, overprized and quite often short on seats.

Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?

I am quite bad at giving compliments, but I’m trying to get better. If I were to shower you with compliments, that’s definately a sign of me trying to hook you up.

If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?

Please do, do make the first move.

Is it true that they hate monogamy? Do they fall in love really hard?

(I can only answer for myself, not the whole swedish male populus)
I find falling in love quite difficult, especially since i dont’ believe in love at first sight, or the first sights. But I do believe in attraction, love is something that follows with the affection that grows over time.
Yes, I’m not fond monogamy, love and sex are two seperate things. It’s sort of a social handicap being monogamus, it disables my ability to interact freely with people.
And no, I have not had a girlfriend for quite some time.

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Emilie

July 1st, 2010 at 17:19

@ Dano same here lol. By that I mean I’m English and don’t drink, not that I often say to girls…

@ Ben are you serious? Swedish people are exploring alcoholism? I mean I think it is something that should try to be avoided if at all possible! You see this is another thing. I find it hard to understand the Swedish male sense of humour… were you joking or being serious?!

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Ben

July 1st, 2010 at 17:53

Emilie… Totally serious, people drink alot more these days, and it’s not like we haven’t drunk much throughout our history, so that’s where the humour comes in ;)We live in a country where booze is the main drug. I mean, come on, Is it really so surprising to find alcoholism in a country such as this? :D

I joke about life in general, specifically the quirks that make people do this ^^

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Emilie

July 1st, 2010 at 18:57

Thanks for explaining Ben. However I have to say I am still not quite getting the joke… :-) but you Swedish guys are real pretty lol oh dear I sound like one of those superficial men I despise haha! (See, now that I find funny) :-D

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Ben

July 1st, 2010 at 19:58

Hehe no problems, it’s a cultural thing I guess ;) Meanwhile if you want talk some more about cultural differences I could give you my msn cause you seem to be such a nice girl :D

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Emilie

July 1st, 2010 at 21:02

Haha well that surprised me, I must be doing something right according to at least one Swedish male! Well OK then Ben, give me your msn, but I must tell you that if you liked the sound of the fish and chips/ bus stop scenario that Dano talked about, some of us English girls are classier than that ;-)

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Ben

July 1st, 2010 at 22:47

@Emilie – Aww haha, and some guys are classier than Dano :P

It’s benjamin_antman@hotmail.com, maybe i’ll see you tomorrow then :)

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Ben

July 1st, 2010 at 22:51

@Sapphire
“@Ben -Thanks for your thoughts. Spontaneous is a word I have not thought of but is a great way to describe the dating scene. Things just happen, go with the flow then!”

This is exactly what I meant when I wrote swedish dating was spontaneous!

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Dano

July 2nd, 2010 at 08:52

@ Emilie-congratulations on achieving your first subtle “hit up” from a Swedish male! (Actually it’s your 2nd but go with this ok lol)Right there people is the typical swedish male attack plan..”here’s my email/mobile number,make the first move and contact me it’ll show me a green light!”
Expertly done and didn’t even take “the look”. Impressive! :)

@Ben – Welcome to the world of the English woman.We hope to see you back here when you come out of the rehabilitation centre in 5 years time!
It’s true some English girls are a bit classier and need to be dealt with differently. If they’re not wearing white stillettos and holding a bottle of blue WKD then a more upscale plan is required.
A car,preferably your own and not your fathers,and minus any babyseats will suffice,if it’s a decent model. Volvo’s are more practical but a BMW loosens pantie elastic quicker!

Note: Classy girls will not give up the goods if you take them home and still live with your parents! (unless extremely drunk or horny.)

P.S. I abandoned my “class” in favour of “helpfulness to the world”!

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Emilie

July 2nd, 2010 at 10:15

hahah @ Dano you are a very bad and funny man lol I will have you know that I am known for my helpfulness to the male species. Nowadays. Also I most certainly don’t own a pair of stilettos or drink WKD.
@ Ben if you live in a castle I don’t mind if you still live with your parents. I am more likely to help you with any issues than land you in a rehab centre. (Unless you have a serious drink or drug problem and really should be in rehab.) However I am that bit older so if you are under 25 we had better not message as it may be unethical. Seriously :-)

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Ben

July 2nd, 2010 at 12:20

@Emilie – I don’t see why it would be unethical, or even not worth a try if i’m between 18 and 25 years of age. I personally prefer women my own age and up until 30 years.

I’ve lived away from home for the past 1,5 years and not thinking of going back, with a steady job within the graphics business. I’m one for new experiences, having chatted with women above and well above their 50s, with one I got emotionally involved with.

Of course, It’s your choice if want to deem it ethical or unethical :P

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Ben

July 2nd, 2010 at 12:41

@Dano – I actually put my email address for all to see on this blog, if that’s not daring then what is xD I guess it’s home video next… I’m second guessing here but you seem to have alot of experience with driving dad’s car, mate :P

“Helpfulness to the world” sounds like something a player would say(hehe), how’s little Dano doing, worn out? ;)

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Emilie

July 2nd, 2010 at 19:18

lol now then boys play nicely!

@ Ben well then I guess that counts me out :-/ oh well!

@ Dano are you a worn out player?? ;-D

Another quesiton. Is it true that Swedish men often like skinny women and don’t like a curvy girl?

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Princess

July 2nd, 2010 at 21:57

@Deepsoul – ta for big up lady!

@Ben – ha learnt Johnny foreigner a new world there then didn’t I – now I want you to go out and use ‘buffet’ please with the swedish public and educate more of you foreign hordes (it’s blinmin French word though innit but that’s what we Eng-er-lish do best – nick stuff from other people and make it better – snort with ironic laughter). Also well done for being brave – keep it up.

@Dano – ta for helping with the translation on buffetgate mate. Is your new superpower ‘helpfullness to the world?’ And oh yes us Brit girls are v v classy – I do proper theatre and everything!

Like your spotting of soft tactic – make vague move and wait for response – have to say this all makes men sound v lazy waiting for us wimmin to do all the bloody first moves. Look I did this in NYC and he was out with his folks – argghh – the many cocktails got the better of me (did get a free drink out of it though). With a drink I can be right ‘bold as brass’ – do you EALS (english as second language) understand that expression? Just shame mostly encounter knobends or flippin wet as fish men…am I doing something wrong here…hmmm

@Emilie – good move considering our shared experiences with the younger men ..they tempt you but they’re so not worth it!

Have had right old ramble there so toodle pip peeps. Am off to watch an Iranian film (get that for class!)

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Ben

July 3rd, 2010 at 01:46

@Sapphire, I see. I’m a very calm person, and i’ll try to narrow it down: what I did here was

1. I put forward what I wanted without confronting or making the person uncomfortable, yet quite bluntly.
2. Then I get to know the girl in person, it’s the quickest way.
3. And if it doesn’t work out you go for a “quickie” if both are in the mood and perhaps become FB’s, which is a really popular thing to do ;)

What’s with the first moves mania? I made the first move and Emilie got the message, I even gave my email in public(which I would’ve PMed if I could’ve). You don’t throw yourself over the girl, that’s called desperation and women respond poorly to that…

We may be “gorgeous swedish men” but we don’t realize our potential and I guess that’s part of our charm, better than having a blatant latino grabbing all over your ass.

We do not depend on looks (even if we’re vain, we depend on the nice guy approach and most swedish girls know it and play with it, even though this is an unwritten rule) and so we’re not forward in the same way as you would expect.

Now sorry if I may be taking a joke too seriously but calling me “lazy” was just evil! xD

@Emilie – Ok, too bad. Good luck with some other guy

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Emilie

July 3rd, 2010 at 09:12

@ Ben thanks and good luck to you too. Aww I missed out on a quickie… but to be honest those days are over for me, I find it rather unfullfilling!

@ Princess Oh yes, so so true, the younger guys simply don’t deliver the required sensitivity in my experience, all hormones and no depth of life experience. Note, I say in my experience! Also, I totally empathise with you over trying to find a man that can handle an independent, intelligent woman… it’s not easy out there.

OK so I finally had some contact from the half Swede! It was linked to his work however BUT it is a half line of contact lol AND he gave me an endearment! Please tell me am I holding onto crumbs here?? So anyway my plan is this. Ask him what is going on with him liking me, ignoring me and then making the endearing comment and just saying, look, if you like me, let’s go out. Now this is very difficult for me as I am not used to making the first move, at all! The more I like someone the more difficult I find it. However I have decided to get this sorted out so I can properly move on one way or another. Am I brave too? :-)

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Dano

July 3rd, 2010 at 09:51

@Ben – are we showing a little animosity there mate? I just try to lighten things up a little and have a bit of a laugh,no need to get pissy son.
I was probably driving my own car when your dad was driving HIS dads car! lol.
Am i a player? It’s been known in the past,yes lol.Definately a little worn out now though,much to the chagrin of Swedens female population. ;)
As it’s my birthday i’m letting this one roll by,but never get into a sarcasm and piss taking match with a Brit..you’ll lose! :)

@Emilie – ” I am known for my helpfulness to the male species.”
Do you know how much fun i could have with that statement? lol be careful hun :P

@Princess – your last post seems like you’ve been hitting the vino collapso a bit? lol
I was going to do a big “translation” list for Johnny Foriegner..but Ben killed the mood,so fuck ‘em! :))

I forgot..the womens american football championships were held in Stockholm last week.Could have been a laugh! Anyone know the winners? Yanks were favourites.There’s a surprise.

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Emilie

July 3rd, 2010 at 11:14

@ Dano oh so you’re letting me off easy then? I wouldn’t do that if I were you! ;-D and yes let’s talk about any country’s sport other than Englands…
OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE DON JUAN OF SWEDEN! P.S. So how old are you? :-D

Can anyone answer my curvy question please?

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Kay

July 3rd, 2010 at 12:56

After reading all the back and forth comments, it looks like this blog is a good place to meet Swedish men! :)

More responses to the questions from Sapphire would be great info for me since I will arrive in Stockholm very soon…..

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Ben

July 3rd, 2010 at 13:43

@Dano – I was just showing you how much of a riot it is with deconstructing someone’s comments like you did with mine, so you better watch out with THAT. At least in Sweden that’s considered very rude.

@Kay – Hey, welcome to the blog! :D

@Emilie – I prefer girls who are interesting but a little chubby to slim girls who only think about they’ll wear or eat.

Most guys choose the slim girls though your exoticism with another language and another culture could add up and make you interesting enough to be irresistible to some guys.

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Ben

July 3rd, 2010 at 14:30

@Dano – Oh and happy birthday ;)

Oh and…

@Emelie – I don’t know if he’s worth it, from the comments you’ve made about him he seems either shy or very undecided. I think it’s always good to meet the man in person though. It sounds awefully alot like a friend relation to me, so if he’s good looking he could be playing you, or he could be thinking you just want to be friends, otherwise he’d asked to meet you.

There are some tactics swedish women use to show interest to men in chats:
1. winking works alot
2. playing on the guy’s ability to imagine images(swedish women are more open with sex which adds up for the swedish men’s stoicism)

This is a relation where whether you want to know the truth you should put forward to meet him.

In my humble opinion he’s not worth the effort, there are alot men more interested in a talk and in being in a relationship. And do you really want to be hindered by work? When I worked alot and talked to a girl, I always tried to chat to her daily.

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Emilie

July 3rd, 2010 at 16:06

@ Ben Are you trying to put me off him? :-D haha
You see he did invite me to an event once but I couldn’t go as I was away and we were chatting before we had a falling out. Then I went out with someone else but realised I still had feelings for him so I ended that relationship. Now I am trying to get it sorted out one way or another so that I can move forward. I haven’t asked him out yet but I have now asked him to please explain what’s going on as I’m confused and I will go from there. I think if he tries to explain it shows he cares.

Now you see you have shown an example of what I see as the confusing Swedish male! You seem to like me a lot and talked about finding “the one in millions”. But then at the same time you are saying that it is OK to have a quickie with someone you aren’t even getting on that well with! How does a woman know where she stands with all that confusion going on?

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Ben

July 3rd, 2010 at 17:37

I thought we were past that already Emelie ;P Looking to take another bite of the cake, eh? hehe

It’s about enjoying the little things in life when it comes to sex, Emelie! It’s not only the guys who do it, the girls do it too. I want to find the right one but along the way to finding her I want to have fun as well.

Oh yeah, the first meeting-event, my memory failed me! :o

I think you should invite him then as it’s the costum: In this case he was denied, now if you want to show him you want to continue meeting him you should ask him to grab a bite or two at a restaurant. An objective look over initial communication is innocent most times, you’re friends(even if that’s a smokescreen) and learn more about each other(of course this has started changing, with people experiencing more cultures these days).

Then it “blooms” during meetings and people start experimenting with just how innocent the friendship is.

And make sure you get the times set. I’ve had a few occasions where i’ve decided with a friend upon a reasonable but vague request for a meeting and they don’t call or msg me back, because they get a good excuse to make an excuse for why they bailed if they weren’t in the mood. And that’s totally accepted, it’s an indicator that you’re too pushy.

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Emilie

July 3rd, 2010 at 17:59

@ Ben
lol no the cake’s out of reach hehe. Now you see, your last paragraph… right there, that’s what I’m talking about! You say make a definite time, but if he doesn’t respond he may be waiting for a better offer, but then you say that’s OK because it would mean I’m too pushy if I don’t accept it?!
Although I was being a bit pushy with him and maybe that’s why he stopped contacting before then, from what you say. I still think, he grew up here so he should understand English women and be less Swedish? Or am I wrong? :-?

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Ben

July 3rd, 2010 at 18:35

“right there, that’s what I’m talking about! You say make a definite time, but if he doesn’t respond he may be waiting for a better offer, but then you say that’s OK because it would mean I’m too pushy if I don’t accept it?!”

You’re overthinking it, he’ll say if he agrees to the offer or not, this is a turning point. If he answers and agrees you’re 1/3 in(onto the meeting him), if he disagrees that’s where it gets hard to decipher. If he doesn’t answer without any good reason it’s time to bail out…

About being born in England then shouldn’t you guys know what he’s onto and not be asking me, or am I just that entertaining? ;P

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Emilie

July 3rd, 2010 at 19:13

@ Ben lol yes very entertaining… I was trying to make the point that I find it all very confusing, this whole be definite but not be definite attitude of Swedish dating.
I guess I am asking you about how Swedish people might be if they came here or were born here. Would the Swedish culture still be a big part of them or do you think the English experience would take over? I know I am generalising but I am trying to decide if he is very Swedish (which would explain alot of his behaviour) or if the fact that he was born here means the English side takes the majority (in which case he is treating me badly!)

P.S. I always over-think things :-?

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Ben

July 3rd, 2010 at 19:54

@Emilie – I guess that’s a matter of opinion when it comes to how swedish a swedish englishborn can be :) I think most would appreciate the freedom of swedish sexual experiences but at the same time it’s more controlled in England. This makes me wonder if he’s just a shy englishman cause a shy swede would have alot more success with women.

Again i’m just brainstorming and this doesn’t have to make sense, I don’t think I can help you here.

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Emilie

July 3rd, 2010 at 22:31

@ Ben you have helped me a lot thank you. I see a lot of the Swedish traits in him and you have helped me understand them more.
It is a pity I am old enough to be your mother but c’est la vie! ;-) wink wink hehe just teasing now :-D

I shall keep you all posted on what happens. Let’s just say however I had a great on lince chat tonight and I am not putting all my eggs in one basket! Best give the blog back to everyone else now haha! It’s all yours folks :-)

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Jen

July 3rd, 2010 at 23:57

Hello!
@Emilie- I can understand over thinking things I have many many times too, its great that you made a first move and unloaded the questions picking your brain, waiting for any sort of a reply back to your questions is difficult and tends to give ample time for over thought. I have a Swede that perusing has mutually gone on for about getting close to a year now and he is a very busy guy and there is certainly a lot of waiting. So I hope you will get a reply soon as to why he has been behaving as he had and if he likes you, you may find his behaviour is more reasons pertaining to who he is or things that are going on for him personally and it being less of a cultural influence to his actions. Interesting to see what the outcome is anyhow.
P.S. just reading back didn’t see if you actually yet put the questions out there? if you are at all like me you’ll just have to know good or bad, I have to side a little with Ben, from the sounds of things he might not be worth it.

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Ben

July 4th, 2010 at 01:31

@Emilie – teasing and winking is good, and there are some sexy moms ;D i’m just enjoying this too much to stop :P Most of the egopics are 3 years old, of course I haven’t changed much lookwise, perhaps more chiseled looks…

@Jen & Emelie – ey! Chicks are siding with me, this is starting to get interesting! ;D Too bad you’re not… open for business :D

@Kat – On the other hand, how are you? :)

Oh and to discuss my age, my babyface is legendary

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Emilie

July 4th, 2010 at 12:50

@ Ben hahaha the blanket approach eh? Oh and I have no kids! P.S. Do you know the English word incorrigible? ;-D

@ Jen Hello :-) thanks so much for your thoughts and letting me know your experiences. Yes I guess he may be busy, but you know if you like someone, you make the time to message them for a few minutes… yes I have just put the questions to him just a day ago but didn’t ask him out. I didn’t feel I could at this stage in proceedings! I feel very vulnerable around him and not being well right now doesn’t help matters in the meeting up scenario. However I have done enough to find something out. He will probably go into hiding now lol… I am putting a time limit on this now as my life needs to go forwards. Onwards! :-D

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Ben

July 4th, 2010 at 15:53

@ Emelie – Right now i’m just having fun xD That’s good, are you thinking of having children?

Oh and you should know that there are no prejudices at all against women asking out men, men mostly do it here but the women do too. Men who dare ask women out are seen as strong men, and women who dare ask men out are seen as strong women. You could call it part of the Swedish egalitarianism.

PS. Unalterable, uncorrectable :) Picked up a wordbook just to be sure http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/incorrigible. And I need to press this, I’m just having fun together with you ;) a little flirting is never bad for the soul ;)

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Emilie

July 4th, 2010 at 16:35

@ Ben hahaha! Ahem that wasn’t a request! You were talking to me about sexy moms! In reply I said I don’t have kids. Are you for real?? Yes I am thinking of having them in the next few years. Lol.

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Ben

July 4th, 2010 at 19:25

@Emilie – I know the word but I don’t see what would be seen as a request, I think you’re misunderstanding me a bit O.o. I’m so past that :) And good for you! Some women don’t :)

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Emilie

July 4th, 2010 at 19:50

@ Ben OK sorry, that is possible. What is it exactly you are past I am confused lol :-)

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Ben

July 4th, 2010 at 19:55

@Emilie – That you keep thinking i’m genuinely flirting with you when you’ve got a guy, i’m not that guy :P

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Ben

July 4th, 2010 at 19:55

Not that guy who does that* for clarification :)

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Emilie

July 4th, 2010 at 22:29

@ Ben haha I SO don’t have him lol well I suppose I do in a way as he is in my heart but it just seems like it is too difficult, should it BE so difficult?

I get annoyed, I am an attractive intelligent woman and why do I have to be hung up on a guy who really doesn’t give me any definites, only suggestions that I mean something? And we haven’t even met! I wonder if I am just an ego-boost to him but then I know he is quiet and possibly shy (the Swedish half?) and that I made a mistake with him before in our communication. So I am still trying for now but I am not very good at knowing what to say. I am good at messing things up for myself. I have been crying over it all tonight :-( but then I have been through some very bad situations with men so I am very wary of being treated badly now (over-wary possibly).

Do I explain all of this to him or not? :-/ sorry I don’t want this blog to be all about me but then I guess other people can post their stuff!

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Jen

July 5th, 2010 at 00:17

@Emilie if you haven’t met its safe to say he might not feel comfortable saying anything past suggestions that you mean something, its always hard to know how things will actually be when people do finally meet. I think happens to the best of us with the guys we like the best, saying things then it hits, why the hell did I say that! and then of course feeling like everthing is all messed up after. I think dealing with the present is the best and then if things go well a later date going into your bad past situations, might be overwhelming and scare him off for good.
Hope I am somewhat helping :P

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Sapphire

July 5th, 2010 at 09:55

@Emilie – Okay, I’m going to give you a very hard answer. Dump the guy. Move on. You’ve been talking to him long enough that he should realize whether he wants you or not.

@Jen – I agree. Don’t go overboard with emotions or thoughts if you’re not close enough (or open about it) to him.

But also don’t let the guy make you crazy in the head. He’s going to do what he wants anyways, and sometimes those decisions are not ones we really wanted.

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Kay

July 5th, 2010 at 12:06

@Ben – Thanks for the welcome!

@Emilie – I agree with Sapphire. Things shouldn’t be so difficult whether he is more Swedish OR English. He has had plenty of time to make the tiny first step of at least setting up a “meeting” with you. Or even Skype for that matter. I would just cut him off and move on.

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Emilie

July 5th, 2010 at 18:11

Thanks all of you, I appreciate all the comments!
It’s not been easy because he was in love with a girl (I found out from his friend) and he moved cross country to be with her. It didn’t work out and he came back so he had that to get over. He did invite me out but I couldn’t go… OK he hasn’t asked me again but I have been unwell for a while and he knew that. Anyway I feel I have now asked him to explain whats going on (but only in a friendship way, I haven’t laid it on thick with the romance or anything) and if I don’t get a reply in the next two weeks then that’s that as far as I am concerned. SO I do feel I am moving on. :-) thanks all!

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Todd

July 5th, 2010 at 19:11

I was in a dance event when i first met her, she gave me the look that every girl would give to a guy when she’s interested and me didn’t i absolutely love this girl? Now she’s neither blond nor tall yet i absolutely loved this girl ever since. Love at the first sight if you will. But as i ‘d heard you shouldn’t rush when it comes to a Swede(it’s a fact) i didn’t do anything for a long time. Later just when i was about to ask her out, some cuckoo posted some stupid photos of me at a party on her FB, she as is on my friend list saw them and i lost her :(
It was about 4 months ago i think, but still she’s on my mind almost every second.
Guys if you like someone don’t be afraid be strong and just show her you like her, ask her out. one thing to not be forgotten: don’t start strong but don’t waste time either.

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Princess

July 5th, 2010 at 19:37

@Todd – if the said lady was merely put off my some ‘stupid photos’ then she too is stupid and it was a lucky escape mate!

@Dano – I find it always helps if you a little squiffy watching Iranian films (though not too plastered that you can’t read the subtitles mind). Actually I’d only had 2 glasses of the vino. Happy belated birthday by way.

@Emilie – right lady, listen to Sapphire. We DO NOT want to hear about this Anglo-Swedish chump again (unless he replies and comes good, you never know :-) ) Onwards and upward please!

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Sara

July 6th, 2010 at 15:00

I happened across this blog sometime ago and really enjoy reading! Everyone here seems so sweet and supportive so I figured I’d ask for some advice. I’ve been fascinated by Swedish culture for sometime and have recently decided to plan my first visit to Sweden. I was wondering if anybody could offer some advice for a first time traveler? I was thinking of traveling by myself. Would it be more fun to bring a friend? I am definitely looking forward to meeting some lovely Swedes. :)

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Emilie

July 6th, 2010 at 18:17

OK so as promised, I am keeping you all updated! Tuesday and no reply. So I doubt I shall be hearing from him. So I usually contact him at work at the weekend but I won’t be doing that this week! See how he likes being ignored ;-) and yes that is that unless he declares undying love very soon… yes unlikely haha! :-D

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Princess

July 6th, 2010 at 19:06

@Sara – If you go alone I would suggest perhaps trying couchsurfing then you would be meeting actual Swedes. It might be better to go with a pal, sharing is always good!

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Sara

July 7th, 2010 at 05:39

@Princess – I was thinking about staying in hostels and doing a bunch of sightseeing, but I hadn’t thought about couchsurfing. Thanks for the advice! What cities would you recommend? I was thinking about visiting Stockholm and Gothenburg for sure. Thanks again!

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Sapphire

July 7th, 2010 at 10:58

@Sara – I’ve done some couchsurfing and can recommend some friends who take guests here. Email me and we’ll get hooked up.

@Emilie – Time to dump that man’s ass!

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Björn

July 7th, 2010 at 22:30

Hmm all these questions about swedish guys and yet, nothing what so ever on how swedish girls are. You know it takes two to make a relationship. And if one gender is weird, it is quite possible that the opposite is too and if you can get an insight on both a better understanding is very possible.

Swedish women, this is my experience with them. This goes for most and not all so not everyone should feel targeted.

A normal night out on a nightclub or whatever, you can meet a girl, click somewhat and have sex. This is very normal, and the day after, you might decide to see eachother again. I can imagine that sex on the first night you meet is a big reason why swedish women have a slut stamp on them, but this is normal in our culture.

Its also not unusual for the girl or the guy to already be in a relationship. There are alot of girls that I thought would be the faithful kind that has proven not to be, including my friends sister who already was engaged to a guy and would have slept with another friend of mine if she hadt passed out already.

Girls here are not unwilling to sleep with you the first night you meet them. And very often they already have a boyfriend when doing so. I think that is a reason why dating here is rather slow, you can never be sure if the other one is sleeping around or even already being in a relationshop while dating you.

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Jen

July 8th, 2010 at 01:41

@Björn I can understand wanting to go slow and having great apprehension if this is such a norm to expect! If it is its not a great norm I have to say!

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clotilde

July 8th, 2010 at 06:30

I have been following the threads on this blog, and everything’s very informative and at the same time light and funny. I just found myself here since I wanted to get to know how Swedish males are like. I’m currently smitten with a lovely one whom I met over some music social networking thing. I doubt he is interested in me though, he is quite beautiful, I am definitely out of his league. Swedish males don’t seem interested in my kind – Asian and chubby, I’m just an averge looking girl. It’s just great talking with him, I just fall harder everytime we talk!

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clotilde

July 8th, 2010 at 06:40

I have been following the threads on this blog, and everything’s very informative and at the same time light and funny. I just found myself here since I wanted to get to know how Swedish males are like. I’m currently smitten with a lovely one whom I met over some music social networking thing. I doubt he is interested in me though, he is quite beautiful, I am definitely out of his league. Swedish males don’t seem interested in my kind. I’m Asian and chubby. Anyway it’s just great talking with him, I just fall harder everytime we talk! Now I just want to go to Stockholm and visit him! He can be like what some of the people here are saying, sometimes he just disappears and won’t talk for days, or we’d both be online and he’d be ignoring me. Then the next day he will be the one talking incessantly. We’ve never talked about anything romantic, because I don’t like cheesy conversations, but somehow, I still want to know if I have any chance. (I seem to be like a guy talking here HAHAHAHA).

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Ben

July 8th, 2010 at 08:48

@clotilde – Welcome to the blog! Sounds like the usual MSn conversation between swedes ;) We don’t stick to MSN often if we’ve got an array of friends. It’s texting all the way :D Especially in the summer :DD You just got to get used to the Swedish style and enjoy each other’s independence, sometimes he wont be in the mood to talk and be doing something else(just because he’s online it doesn’t always mean he’s there, it means he’s available) other times he needs a friend(and perhaps future love acquintance) to talk to and just enjoy life. But expect him to have alot of friends he talks to when he’s online.

And if he’s out of your league try not to stick around for long if you’re falling harder and harder for him every day or you’ll end up with an unhappy crush; although as a positive sidenote i’ve had girls who have thought I was way out of their league but I thought were beautiful.. :)

Romanticism is never cheesy, I don’t think you should deny it, it’s what you feel and something which you should embrace in any relationship.

And you’re not talking like a guy, there’s no such thing as talking like a guy(unless you’ve got a bass voice and wearing a cap, which completely turns me off) so keep on talking, you’re doing fine :D

@Björn – I agree with what Jen says

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Dano

July 8th, 2010 at 10:50

@Princess- Belated thanks for the belated birthday wishes xx

@Sara – “The lonely planet guide to Sweden” will be a good buy.WH Smiths if you’re a Brit..any good bookshop if you’re not! :)

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Emilie

July 8th, 2010 at 17:32

@ Sapphire most likely! However it is like has been said, he has talked a fair bit with me in the past and not so much lately. It sounds like it’s a Swedish thing to come and go as you please! Personally I consider it disrespectful and upsetting as I would feel insecure and that I don’t know where I stand with someone.

@ coltide I am one of those that ended up with an unhappy crush in a similar situation to yours! I fell harder every time too, yes. Well I am stopping the contact now. If he tries to contact me then I will be demanding an answer to my questions!

@ Ben I don’t like the sound of that! Where is the trust and respect in a set-up where someone commits to one person and then goes off with another? I also don’t like the one-night stand idea however it wasn;t unknown in my twenties it has to be said lol. Oh so you are that great that women think you are out of their league then… well maybe I shall message you after all ;-)

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Emilie

July 8th, 2010 at 18:12

oops sorry @ Bjorn for the part about the sleep around culture!

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Ben

July 8th, 2010 at 21:03

@Emelie – Lol, I sense someone’s beginning to change their mind, would be a fun experience! Me being out of their league was said by my two last girlfriends. To be honest I’m not much for one night stands… Too shallow.

Like I’ve said before, there are unwritten rules and signs that tell if the guy or girl isn’t interested long before you “officially” start breaking up, otherwise we’d be the world’s most surprised people! ;)

A break in contact is often a bad sign unless he/she ensures you he’s not doing it to break contact(often by picking up talking to you, smiling and hugging). And that’s one of the most obvious ones!

Until next time,

-Ben

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Sara

July 8th, 2010 at 21:05

@Sapphire Thanks! I found this whole couchsurfing community at couchsurfers.org. Have you heard of it?

@Björn Is that common for Swedes of all ages? Or it is it something people tend to do in their twenties? I do see why people would want to take it slow. It sounds like that type of dating can lead to a lot of frustration and heart ache.

@Dano Thanks for the recommendation! I will definitely check it out.

@Emilie Sounds like you’re better off without him. You’re a lovely person and will find someone deserving of you in no time!

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Emilie

July 8th, 2010 at 22:46

@ Ben how old ARE you? lol

@ Sara thank you, you are a very kind person to say so :-)

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clotilde

July 9th, 2010 at 07:25

@ben Tack for the welcome! :-) I guess you are right. I know for sure he talks to alot at the same time, he even types at the wrong window! I don’t have a time for an unhappy crush, I’ve had too much of those and unrequited anything is no fun. I think that’s why i am very guarded with romanticism. I’m a hopeless romantic but I don’t want to get hurt, so I would rather be just one of the guys than show my feelings too much. Hmm… on that note…I should just be glad I’m his music friend.

@emilie – Unhappy crushes sting don’t they. I think I’ll just be friends with him and expect nothing else. Sad it may be, but I’ll be sadder if I let my feelings develop too much.

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Emilie

July 9th, 2010 at 07:51

@ Coltide Yes they do. What I am having to do is protect me, regardless of what he does. He seems to blow hot and cold. I like to listen to his work and I shall continue to do so unless that gets too difficult for me. But I am cutting the contact with him now. He shall see what he has been missing and you know what, it is a huge ocean that contains a mulitude of fish! :-D

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Ben

July 9th, 2010 at 08:41

Clotilde – Same here with the romantic stuff, I definately recognize the need to guard oneself. It’s also seen as less manly to fall in love than control over your feelings, so I keep it in and only show it to my closest friends.

Emilie – Pretty young, many tell me i’m old for my age :)

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Emilie

July 9th, 2010 at 15:13

@ Ben I am old(er) and people tell me I am young for my age but oh sweetie I would eat you for breakfast… :-D

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Ben

July 9th, 2010 at 16:28

@ Emilie – “I am old(er) and people tell me I am young for my age but oh sweetie I would eat you for breakfast… :-D”

With honey or butter? ;)

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Fredrik

July 9th, 2010 at 18:19

@Ben @Emilie

lol

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Emilie

July 9th, 2010 at 19:00

@ Ben OK look to rescue this blog from flirtation lol I am going to send you a FB friend request. My real initials are M R.

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Jen

July 9th, 2010 at 19:33

@Ben maybe there will be a few requests from Emilie other then that one! lol ;)

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Ben

July 9th, 2010 at 20:33

@All – Hrrmm, and i’ll behave for now ;P

@Emelie – I had a friend request today but I’m not sure if that was you cause I was unfriended pretty quickly :P

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Emilie

July 9th, 2010 at 22:02

@ Ben lol I think we are currently the topic of interest… how DO an Anglo woman and a Swedish man conduct a flirtation lol! I tried to send you a friend request but it did not give me a confirmation so I am not sure it worked. I shall send you a message. Oh and don’t behave too much, everyone would be disappointed ;-)

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Sara

July 9th, 2010 at 22:35

@Emilie & Ben You guys are too funny!

I’m quite excited because I was looking at going to the Sonisphere Festival in Stockholm at the beginning of August, however it is sold out. Is there a pretty good likelihood of people selling tickets there? You know, the “scalpers”? I hope so!

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Dano

July 10th, 2010 at 09:09

@Sara – there’s always someone selling tickets somewhere or other.Try Ebay,could be some on there.

@Ben- In the words of Hall & Oates – “ohh ohh here she comes….look out boy she’ll chew you uppp..ohh ohh here she comes…she’s a maneaterrrrrr!” lol.

@Emilie = MILF!! :P

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Ben

July 10th, 2010 at 10:58

@Dano – You don’t know me very well then hehe :P WB Dano btw! Where have you been this past week? Nice seeing you back mate!

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Emilie

July 10th, 2010 at 11:30

@ Ben – don’t you know you Swedish guys are meant to be quite and shy lol?!

@ Dano – WB but how can I be MILF when I have no kids?

@ Sara – thanks! Maybe we should set up a comedy act. :-D

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Ben

July 10th, 2010 at 13:16

@Emilie – That’s just tiresome ;)

@Sara & Emelie – *starts writing the manuscript* “This is gonna be a blockbuster, this is gonna be big! One time wonder, i’m tellin’ ya, ladies!”

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Dano

July 10th, 2010 at 15:31

@Ben – thanks.I’ve been out metal detecting on the beaches and antagonizing Americans on another blog lol! Summer is the time i tend to actually move from in front of the PC. :)

@Emilie – “MILF” is just a generalization of the “older woman”, due to the yanks not being able to organise another acronym.”OWILF” just doesn’t have the same ring to it lol! :P

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Emilie

July 10th, 2010 at 22:47

@ Dano – ahem I object to the general crudeness of the term! Blogs aren’t for antagonising you know, they are for helping ;-)

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Dano

July 11th, 2010 at 00:20

Fair enough forget i spoke.Carry on.

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Sara

July 11th, 2010 at 07:52

@Dano – Rad, I will definitely do that. Wish me luck!

@Ben & Emilie – It’ll be the funniest thing since “Airplane” (and that move is freaking amazing!)

Were we ever able to answer some of Sapphire’s initial questions? They are very good questions…

- Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?

- What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?

- What are signs of flirtatious behavior?

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Ben

July 11th, 2010 at 12:21

- What are signs of flirtatious behavior?
Swedes being very friendly there’s really no such thing as flirtatious first signals (except for the look). Second phase, when you’re actually talking to each other is:

(for swedish girls)
seeming very interested in what you have to say
fixing her hair < (good sign)
sometimes even wagging their chest left to right very slowly < (good sign)
giggling and increased eye contact

and (for swedish guys)
increased eye contact < (good sign)
smiling
joking
trying to get physical contact < (good sign)
teasing
often very interested in letting you know what he's achieved < (good sign)

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clotilde

July 12th, 2010 at 00:45

@Ben wagging chest thing is a bit funny.. ! I can’t imagine any of the Swedish girls I know doing so!

I think Swedes are so friendly they don’t even seem aware it’s already somewhat flirtatious. A bit of a tease, but an innocent one. They seem to send some kind of signal…and on a bad day misinterpret it as something else. Am I wrong to jump to that conclusion? haha.

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Ben

July 12th, 2010 at 08:25

@clotilde – Not at all, I agree on all points, it’s kind of a blessing and a curse :D For those who don’t understand Swedish culture it can be quite confusing :)

- Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?

This is an unsafe bet, the guy could just want someone to talk to and his honest and friendly nature shines through, the best is to go beyond that friendly behaviour and show your interest to know for sure.

Many Swedes enjoy speaking to “exotic” people and surround themselves with these, and they like immersing themselves into everything a culture has to offer down to experiencing a flirt without at the same time getting too attached. So a swedish guy is hard to catch ;) unless he’s actively looking for a wife or gf(of course many do that).

But that could be an explanation to why it doesn’t have to be a sure sign that he’s romantically or sexually interested in you.

If you’re actively flirting with him and after the conversation he breaks contact to “cool off” the relationship that could be a sure sign that he’s not interested and just wants a friend.

Until next time,
-Ben

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Emilie

July 12th, 2010 at 20:14

Lol well yes I agree with the fine line between Swedish friendliness and flirtation… in fact at times it is so fine it disappears! I am currently experiencing the friendly Swedish flirt on line myself ;-)

It seems to me this is accepted as nothing especially meaningful? Whereas in England I think a woman would be expecting the man to move in for the kill lol! It is quite refreshing and empowering. I am beginning to like it :-D

Well I have heard nothing back from the Anglo-Swede. However I had the usual text flirtation at the weekend whilst he was at work. I may just leave it at that (if I can manage not to get too fixated ?) as I enjoy that side of it. A real relationship would only destroy my perfect image of him after all! ;-D

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Ben

July 12th, 2010 at 20:44

@clotilde – About the chest wagging, i’d say it’s when it’s starting to move over to stage three, the emotional and sexual part. Often girls like to isolate themselves from their girlfriends when it gets this far with a guy hehe.

I’ve had maybe one or two of those but as i’m such a gentleman… I haven’t jumped at the chance(one night stands – not my thing this far). I think it could be kind of subconcious, something a guy would only notice :P It’s definately of a sexual nature though.

@Emilie – *clears throat and pulls at his collar* xD

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Emilie

July 12th, 2010 at 23:00

hahaha I find all this extremely amusing! For a chest to wag would it not need to have a tail? :-D

I know what is meant though, probably a kind of thrusting out of the boobs, yes? Oh dear what would I know…

Hmm the Swedish gent eh, disguises a lothario if you ask me ;-) some of you may need to look that up :-D

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Sara

July 12th, 2010 at 23:28

@Ben – Thanks for the helpful info! Is it true that it is hard to meet Swedes? I heard that it was difficult to meet them unless you were at a bar and even then that they’d be too drunk to remember. I hope not, it would be rad to make some Swedish friends when I visit!

@clotilde – I can definitely see why you’d be so confused!

@Emilie – Do you mean you flirted with him via text this weekend? Or were you flirting with somebody else? It seems as though you have quite the fan club!

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Ben

July 12th, 2010 at 23:47

@Emelie – Lothario has such a bad ring to it, like Casanova :) I just enjoy womens’ company and if they enjoy mine it’s on even terms. Of course, both have to respect each other’s boundaries ;) And I don’t tend to get physical until I know the girl a bit more…

And no, thrusting out your boobs is a conscious tactic used by women who really want to rumble in the hay haha :D

Until next time,
-Ben

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Jen

July 13th, 2010 at 00:17

The chest wag is a subtle tactic, the boob thrust is more…in your face lol

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Ben

July 13th, 2010 at 00:34

@Sara – It’s like any other dating, it can actually even be easier cause swedes are open and nonjudgemental in most cases. Just be open, what you give you get back(with reservation for what i’ve explained in various posts in this blogpost covering social etiquette).

Swedes appreciate someone who immerses into their culture for a change and i’m sure they’ll be happily surprised. And don’t worry about asking questions once you’ve hooked up with some friends.

Learn about the swedish society and the way you should act and you’ll be way ahead, and you’ll have the tools to use it to your advantage mixed with your own cultural knowledge and upbringing.

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clotilde

July 13th, 2010 at 01:30

@Emilie you’re right it does disappear for the most part! And they do it without batting an eyelash don’t they.
@Ben The Swedish girls I’ve met and known are kinda shy. Haha but who knows what they are up to when they get intense with the boys. Now I know chest wagging must be involved! You raised a good point though… Swedes do seem interested in talking to people because they are exotic. I’m probably exotic as can be hence Swede boy’s many questions.

@Sara is your Swede chat friend from MSN been confusing you too?

Oh you Swedes, it’s confusing how you flirt so innocently! I promise not to fall into a trap. I am friends with many Swedes, but that one boy is really something else. I don’t know how to flirt, I’m so guarded that when a guy is suddenly flirty (probably unconsciously), I get a bit wary. I don’t want to stop chatting with him cause we really get along but sometimes I wish he’d stop being flirty, I know it’s nothing but I don’t know how to react!

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Ejm1234

July 13th, 2010 at 02:14

*Grabs popcorn* the topic is becoming more and more interesting :P

Now, Ben, sweetie, when you say “exotic” do you mean exactly?

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Ejm1234

July 13th, 2010 at 02:25

And I agree with the fine line between being friendly and flirting. I have a pack of male Swede friends and they are quite sweet and polite with me. However,get a few drinks in them and they get their Rhett Butler swag on :P LOL They are sloppy drunks but I love them anyway.

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clotilde

July 13th, 2010 at 02:34

oh just to clarify, I think I am exotic due to where I am from. I guess some might base the word exotic on looks though!

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Sara

July 13th, 2010 at 03:43

@Ben – That’s true, I bet it is much nicer to find someone who at least makes an attempt to understand your culture. Many Americans kind of suck at that. Can you recommend any fun places to visit in Stockholm?

@clotilde – Nope. There’s no confusing Swede for me on MSN. I’m actually going to be heading to Sweden soon for the first time and since I’ll mostly be traveling alone I was hoping to meet some new people. If I can make some new friends I’d be very happy. If I were to meet some awesome Swedish guys? Well, that’d just be a lovely bonus! ;)

@Ejm1234 – hahaha. Nice one with the popcorn grabbing!

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Ben

July 13th, 2010 at 08:12

Ejm1234 – Hello there ;) “Exotic” covers everything nonswede, to give you a comparison, Danes are considered exotic for example :D There’s a wide areal of what we think is exotic(i.e. enticing) and everyone’s got their own unique taste.

@Sara – I don’t live in Stockholm but in Malmö,the southernmost city; I’d be glad to show you around here though, and perhaps teach you about sweden hehehe.

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Emilie

July 13th, 2010 at 08:38

@ Sara – do let us know how your travelling goes and your experience(s?) of the Swede! I am at a stale mate I feel with the Anglo-Swede as neither of us are saying anything definite and he seems a little faint-hearted which is no good for a woman such as I grrr *animal growl* lol. I am enjoying chatting with different people and yes am currently having first hand experience of the open, friendly and flirty male Swede in one to one chat :-)and a lovely experience it is too I must say!

@ Coltide – I would suggest that you just enjoy his company for now. Once I got used to the fine/disappearing line I found the entire process very enjoyable :-) and also respectful. It is also good to keep things in the moment in love and life. Have fun!

@ All – glad you are enjoying the show haha!

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Sara

July 13th, 2010 at 18:20

Well then I suppose I’m doubly “exotic” being both Middle Eastern and American.

@Ben – I may have to take you up on that offer. Do you know much about Goteborg as well? What do you recommend as the cheapest way to get around within Sweden? I’d like to take the train at one point, but it can get a bit expensive.

@Emilie – I definitely will keep you guys updated! Wow, it sounds like your Anglo-Swede doesn’t know what’s good for him. Well no worries, it sounds like you’re keeping yourself nicely occupied in the meantime! ;)

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O.

July 13th, 2010 at 18:49

@Sara I would say the best way to travel around the country is with SJ, Sweden’s national train travel system. They offer three or four types of trains with different price ranges.

Here is their website (and it’s also in English):
http://www.sj.se/sj/jsp/polopoly.jsp?l=en

Hope that helps!

Also, I hear Goteborg is one of the friendliest, coolest cities in Sweden. I’ve asked many people what their favorite city is in this country and almost everyone says Goteborg. I also hear Malmo is fun. If you have the time, I would suggest seeing both. Good luck!

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Emilie

July 13th, 2010 at 19:01

Lol well I am just an English girl, well possibly a little Celtic too as I have freckles :-D and a high instep ? Apparently that is Celtic.

Ahh well Sara there is no telling what is going on in the Anglo-Swede’s head. Also it seems I may have lost the pleasant distraction but it was most pleasant for a few days ;-)

Now would you say the Swedish guys like to flirt with lots of girls and keep their options open but don’t like it when the girls do the same with men? Hmm interesting! I think that may be a universal male thing actually.

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Ben

July 13th, 2010 at 20:47

@Sara – Sure, when are you coming? I’m expecting to be going on vacation from 21st july to the 7th of August, backpacking around Europe, by myself. So I’ll see if I can get a good taste of some culture in the countries I visit.. :) Add me on MSN if you want, the mail address is written somewhere on this blog.

Emilie – Some expect the women to be like that and they deal with it but basepoint I don’t think any of the sexes like it really much when it happens to them. I don’t think anyone would like it unless he/she was very hedonistic..

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Sara

July 13th, 2010 at 21:35

@O – Thank you for that website! It is very helpful. Can you recommend any cool things to do in Goteborg? I am very much into live music and record stores, so any suggestions would be very helpful.

@Emilie – That’s a shame. No worries, you’ll find another nice distraction soon enough! And that’s an excellent point you bring up about men and how they feel about women keeping their options open. Haha. So how often do you actually get to see your Anglo-Swede?

@Ben – I’ll confirm once I finalize my flight plans, thanks! What places in Europe are you backpacking around? I am so envious of the fact that you guys are so close to such a vast array of countries. It is an ordeal to get to any other country if you’re in the states, not like a quick hour flight or ferry ride.

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Dano

July 13th, 2010 at 22:55

Malmö..the Manchester of Sweden,always pissing down! lol.
Rosengård’s nice..if you’re into the arabic stone throwing/petrol bomb culture.It does have a big bridge that makes a convenient escape route to Denmark though. I once saw a swede in Malmö..i was impressed! :)

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Emilie

July 14th, 2010 at 08:57

@ Sara – well hun, I have to admit, I have never met him lol! He is a dj so I could go like a lamb to the slaughter to one of his gigs but somehow that doesn’t appeal to me! I hear him on the radio once a week and text in and he used to reply and invited me out once but I couldn’t go. He doesn’t reply now but is still flirty through the radio but maybe I’m just another listener after all or he couldn;t take the fact that I had a holiday abroad booked and wouldn’t cancel it for his ego! Well, moving on now…

Well I thought the on-line friendly Swede had disappeared but he is still around for now. I wonder if he will visit the UK on his travels lol.

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Ben

July 14th, 2010 at 09:02

Dano – Please shut up. The fear you bring, that fear you experience, I’ve never been threatened, robbed or pickpocketed in Malmö.

To give a positive light to Malmö: Even if it’s the immigrant densest city in Sweden we’ve gone far in merging two cultures together and it makes for a general “manana” mood in the city, very calming but at the same time exciting hosting many odd sights as well as restaurants, cafe’s and. Rosengård is way out in the suburbs and i’ve heard is getting refurbished with new green areas by the inhabitants themselves, a social endevaour I respect. And the friends who live there think it’s really nice! Even though some parts of Rosengård are host to riots.

Malmö’s many parks and green areas make it enjoyable and it’s not as imperial as Stockholm, hosting many old palaces and houses with a medieval core to go with it. Especially the centre as well as the core are really great and many in Malmö are proud of their city.

@Sara – Right now it’s Germany and the Netherlands, and after that it’s wherever the trains will take me.

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Dano

July 14th, 2010 at 10:50

Look mate…Google “tongue in cheek”.Let me know what it says? Jeez!

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Emilie

July 14th, 2010 at 12:11

And here we have a classic example of the English and Swedish culture/humour clash…

@ Dano – Ben has a point and he is entitled to give his opinions and to be proud of his country.

@ Ben – thanks for all the info on the different on the different towns, Malmo sounds like many parts London :-)

Now play nicely ;-)

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Sara

July 15th, 2010 at 01:15

@Emilie – Glad your online friend is still around! It’s always nice to have that little excitement to make the day that much nicer! ;) If he does travel to the UK I hope you get a chance to meet up with him. As for your Anglo-Swede, I think you are wise to avoid the live shows. Could be difficult for your resolve! Besides, you wouldn’t want somebody whose ego is that fragile anyway.

@Ben – Ah Germany is always so much fun! I hope you have a great trip!

@Dano – Ah it seems your humor doesn’t translate as intended over the internet. You’re quite sassy!

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Ben

July 15th, 2010 at 13:13

Emilie, Sara, Dano – Sorry, sorry; I was convinced Dano was taking a swing at Malmö. In Sweden “tongue in cheek” only translates to sarchasm which is looked upon as dishonest and I have just that disability of being a Swede ;)

Irony and sarchasm is generally kept far apart and irony is the general humour mixed with a little sarchasm, British humour would probably be in the opposite direction, otherwise Swedish and English humour are pretty alike :D

( Example, The Ambassador http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2ez11LkUwM )

My curious question to you Brits is then how do you recognize genuine sarchasm if it so closely resembles your own humour? Especially on the internet. Do you completely look past a serious sarchasm or is there an unwritten rule somewhere?

-Ben

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Emilie

July 15th, 2010 at 22:00

@ Sara – yes indeed, on both counts! ;-)

@ Ben – now you see genuine sarcasm is an oxymoron…

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Emilie

July 15th, 2010 at 22:10

Oh I just watched the link Ben posted above! Hahaha! It is hilarious and you must watch it :-D

I am being serious (not sarcastic.)

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Ms. O

July 16th, 2010 at 00:42

The Svengelska and that so-called thing he ate that was supposed to taste like cavier killed me. i died! too funny.

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Sharon

July 17th, 2010 at 18:23

Hi guys, I am so glad I stumbled across this – I was actually looking for some pertinent information and I hope to get some help.

My story:
A couple of weeks ago, I met a gorgeous swede (really model like handsome type) at a conference, where we hardly spoke (on that day). then last week again we met again as we were put together and then we really just conversed on general topics.

I realised that throughout that day he kept staring at me and then later we all went to the pub for a drink. On the way back we got talking and due to a few beers ended up in my room. We ended up kissing foreplay etc though not all the way through. he kept telling me how beautiful I was and then kept kissing me as if he never wanted to let go (this happened till the end of the conference – 2 days when we had to part).

he has however travelled to Sweden for a couple of weeks and told me over 3 times that he would call me as soon as he is back so we could meet.

Now my question is he gave me his email address to send him some documents. should I send them asap or wait a while (try not to look desperate?)

I really am confused, scared and excited at the same time and hope he will call me as he says. Should i forward those documents now or wait till say days before he returns?

Does it sound like he just wants me for a fb or something serious?

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Ben

July 17th, 2010 at 19:41

Not sending those letters could send him a signal you don’t want him, it could backfire. If you wait too long the fire will go down, especially if he’s as handsome as you say he is. Don’t think he’s not able to get anyone he wants. And I think he wants you right now judging by the times he ensured you he was going to call you. One striking question is whether you asked him if he was going to call or did he just mention it out of the blue? A good sign that he wanted to continue seeing you would be if he had just mentioned it out of the blue, 3 times.

My tip, and this is my tip(take it or leave it), is go by your instincts and talk to him until you’re sure, and whatever you do don’t break contact if he shows signs of liking you…

Here comes my philosophying*puts on his Fez and puffs his pipe*
-You should be confused, scared and excited. Lately i’ve realized swedish love is similar to puppy love, of course more mature(It’s innocent, it’s exploration, and it’s spontaneous). Perhaps an extension of it. And it differs, I wouldn’t say alot but it differs) from the standard dating in the rest of the world with the “whats” and “ifs” and the roles and the playing. I hope that realization could help you.

-I’ve gained insight in how I work(being a swedish male) by speaking to foreign girls. And you should shoulder this role, enlighten him and make him realize he’s different.

Thank you for reading!
-Ben

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Ben

July 17th, 2010 at 19:49

Sorry I forgot to say welcome to the blog, Sharon! :)

And the first thing I mentioned doesn’t necessarily have to apply to this guy, I obviously don’t know whether he’s shy or straightforward or whether he’s romantic or cynical after all

Good luck!

@Sara, haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you doing? :)

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Sharon

July 17th, 2010 at 19:53

Thank you ever so much Ben for your reply. You’ve made me feel much better and I will send those documents tonight.

I will let you know how we get along when he gets back. and oh he did continually mention that he will call me out of the blue, i did not ask him.

is it also ok to let him take the lead in conversation, i was so shy sometimes i will just keep quiet and not look at him (possibly bcos i could not believe my luck – now i have learnt constant eye-contact is vital, i will adopt it) – and he equally was shy but kept staring and smiling at me but did not talk sometimes.

he also says he has a viking background (does this mean controlling?) – i as a gentle woman prefer to be the one with the laid back role or should i be a little bit more forward – like talk more?

well i will update you on any further information. thanks again.

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Sharon

July 17th, 2010 at 22:45

and thank you for the warm welcome. i am pleased to be a part of it and will be updating.

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Ben

July 17th, 2010 at 23:02

@Sharon – Just normal friendly conversation is all right. I myself enjoy when the conversation switches between me and the girl, makes it more dynamic. Just pick up where you leave off. Of course, some guys as well like to take the lead. If he was shy then I suppose you switch between each other; wake some interesting conversation, or just “be” without talking..

No the viking background doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about his personality, it’s something all Swedes are proud of(even when they might as well be the offspring of some german merchant in the 1600s, trust me we even had german kings), it’s kind of a gimmick :P He could even have been trying to impress you :)

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Sharon

July 18th, 2010 at 04:57

ha ha ha ha ha, impress? That’s a good one Ben. well we’ll see……

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Emilie

July 18th, 2010 at 13:55

@ Sharon – hello and welcome :-)
I understand all the emotions you have been through. The Swedish male seems to actively encourage them! Well I am unsure of what I can add to what Ben has said. He, after all, is the Swedish male and we have come here to find out more about them. Over and over I am hearing similar situations here to those which brought me to this blog… the uncertainty of what I mean to the (half)-Swedish male. The Swedish “lagom” approach of just enough (communication, attention, promise of hope?) could be a good explanation. I wonder if they are not always sure themselves, and yes there is a certain childlike innocence to their approach. I think they enjoy romance as much as any woman and do not wish to rush the process. Yet casual “fun” is not unknown in Sweden lol.

The question I would ask yourself is who are YOU really? That is the important matter. Do not change the real you for any male, not even a Swedish one lol! As it would not work out. Hope this helps :-)

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Dano

July 18th, 2010 at 14:04

Just make sure you hide any monks in your family,as well as any silver!

(That’s a joke Ben..just in case. :P )

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Ben

July 18th, 2010 at 14:38

No hiding english monks and the pretty silverware! We require them for breakfast ;)

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Sara

July 18th, 2010 at 17:00

@Ben – Sorry I’ve been m.i.a. lately. Things have been quite hectic at work. I’ve been feeling more and more ready to start my trip already. I’m at the point where I’m considering a one way ticket! (not seriously… but perhaps?!) How have you been?

@Emilie – How are things going? Any exciting news?

@Sharon – Wow, what an interesting situation you’re in! Please do keep us updated so we can live vicariously through you ;) New love is always giddy and exciting!

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Ben

July 18th, 2010 at 22:52

@Sara – Doing fine :) I’m going on vacation on wednesday this week so you guys may not hear from me as often, I got your msn as as well so we can plan something up for when you arrive in Sweden

For now, ciao

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Princess

July 18th, 2010 at 22:55

@Ben – what the flip do you mean by ‘genuine sarcasm’? We Brits take the piss – think it’s rather constant – taking the piss IS our humour.

@Emilie – so let me get this right – you’ve never actually met this half-Swedish dufas?

@Sharon – send the docs with short line to say really looking forward to your call – be bold – why not!

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Emilie

July 18th, 2010 at 23:33

@ Sara – well all quite exciting but nothing of substance to report lol

@ Princess – hahaha! That is so true, as I said there is no such thing as genuine sarcasm as it is a paradoxical term. Well, regarding the half-Swede, no we haven’t met and I seem to prefer it that way lol

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Sharon

July 19th, 2010 at 21:44

thanks guys for all your warm welcomes. i feel like the spouse of a swede already! lol.

i sent the docs as advised and stated that here were his documents as requested and we’ll speak soon.he had also in our earlier conversation mentioned that he will send me a link to a top swede musicians website so i could listen as he thought i would like it, so i p.s him asking him not to forget to send me that link!

now what i need to find out is if it is the norm for him to reply during his holiday?

i mean i sent these 3 days ago and so far no response. i have just ended up checking my mail over 20 times each day, infact every opportunity i get i check my mail.

most seriously i told my mum and she keeps asking me whether he has called! and that if a guy is serious about me he should have called or emailed me when he gets to his destination. i replied and told her that swedes are shy so i’ll be patient. what keeps the hope alive is that he’ll be back in the country in 10 days so i am patiently waiting for his call.

does the swedish male have to contact me during his holiday at his home country or is he just too busy or sees it as not important as he is coming back shortly anyway. how do i resist having to check my mail for a response every 20 mins or so? this feeling is a real uncomfortable one.

thanks for all the interest and support, anyhow. more updates soon….and lets all hope there is a happy ending :-)

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Emilie

July 19th, 2010 at 22:13

@ Sharon – well from what I can tell Swedes don;t rish these things and shyness and patience are seen as virtues. However in that case, with all that virility swashing around the self restraint must be good in Swedish men! ;-)

I went through this same situation with the half-Swede (whom everyone is now fed up of hearing about lol). Some days he would contact a lot, other days not at all. It seemed to depend on his mood. Well in the end a woman can’t put up with that for too long you know. SO I emailed him, do you like me as I am confused. No reply, over two weeks now. So he has had his chips as we say in England haha! His loss :-)

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Emilie

July 19th, 2010 at 22:44

Girl power lol! Thanks to everyone on this site not only putting up with me but also supporting me to see the truth lol I am now *getting over it* :-D x

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clotilde

July 20th, 2010 at 06:16

hmmm I think I’m finally understanding Swedish boys a bit. They really need space and now I’ve learned that. The Swedeboy I like comes and goes and I’m used to it already. When we do talk he always makes it a point that there’s nothing wrong with me and sometimes explains why he’s been away. He’s just like that I suppose. I no longer wait for him online and I no longer wait for emails. But they seem to come more now and he talks to me more… Funny that.

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Ben

July 20th, 2010 at 08:32

@clitlide – Haha when I read this my first thought was: “Yes… you need to get them to come to you…”(an evil chuckle could be in order as well) :P

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Ben

July 20th, 2010 at 08:37

clotilde xD oh god!

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clotilde

July 20th, 2010 at 17:54

jävla..BEN! you massacred my name! hahaha that looks so horrid… eep

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clotilde

July 20th, 2010 at 18:01

haha I should change my name…

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Ben

July 20th, 2010 at 19:45

A little makeup here, some plaster there; name’s as good as new clotilde ;P

@clotilde
-”They really need space and now I’ve learned that. ”
to tell you the truth all men need space from time to time, they’re just not good at showing it often.

Now happy there’s some cultural thing which makes women understand that :P

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Sara

July 20th, 2010 at 20:37

@Ben – Hahaha… Freudian slip perhaps?

@Clotilde – So glad to hear that! You’ll definitely have to keep us updated!

@Emilie – Proud of you for getting over it! :)

@Sharon – Here’s hoping you get your happy ending!

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clotilde

July 20th, 2010 at 23:10

@Ben – yeah all men need it. however with Swedes it seems you really need lots of it!
@Sara – thanks! I don’t know where it’s heading, but I’m just happy enough we get along so well. He’s a cool friend. :)

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Emilie

July 20th, 2010 at 23:39

@ Ben – and typo of the year goes to Mr Antman :-D

@ Sara – :-) thank you. Now place your bets… as I am now ignoring him do you think he will contact me? Lol. Doubtful. Anyway I am ignoring him for my own self-respect, not to get him come to me.

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clotilde

July 21st, 2010 at 01:03

@Emilie – it is indeed typo of the year!
also it’s good that you are ignoring him since he probably doesn’t deserve the attention after how he’s been acting towards you!

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Ben

July 21st, 2010 at 09:04

Oh lord, the critique’s a killer, I didn’t expect everyone to notice it :P

@Emilie – Thank you, I would like to thank all of these charming ladies for distracting me long enough to make this typo, I wont forget you! *sniff*

@Sara – I invoke my right to not speak of matters which may damage my case :D That’s unless you bring a Rorschach test :P

@clotilde – May be true, swedes have a greater need for personal space in busses or trains in order to relax, and again it varies from person to person. I enjoy company so I don’t mind whether someone sits close to me.

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Kate

July 21st, 2010 at 09:24

Hello everyone! I’ve been enjoying reading the posts on this blog since I found this site. I also would like some advice from you.

I’m an Asian girl who spent over 10 years in the U.S. and now back in my country 2 years ago. I met this Swedish guy, who is currently living in my country, 13 months ago online, and we’ve been emailing and texting each other at least 4 times except busy days with work since then. We’ve physically met each other about once a month because we live different cities (about 1.5 hr by special rapid train) About 3 months ago, he introduced me to his mother and had dinner together in my city (they just came to my city to have dinner with me) when she visited him. He and I have gone for 2 day trip and stayed over his place several times, but we have never confirmed where and what we are; just friends, good friends, or boyfriend/girlfriend.

My questions are:
1. is that common that not knowing where and what we are?
2. how do Swedes know whether he/she is her/his boyfrined/girlfriend or not?
3. what does “introducing parent” mean for Swedes?

I really like him, so I do not want to ruin this relationship by taking unappropriate action for Swede. Please help!

Thank you in advance.

Kate

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Emilie

July 21st, 2010 at 11:38

@ Ben – ah well you are true man to stay on the blog and face it. I very much liked the typo myself haha! Are we still talking about it? Seem so! ;-D oh and I shall remember to sit close if I ever meet you haha!

@ Clotilde – why thank you and yes, I agree, he deserves nothing more from my attentions.

@ Kate – well, you are probably playing it exactly right. I don’t know definite answers to your questions as I am English, however I would say this blog has taught me that the Swedish male prefers to take his time. Given time he will make his interest more clear I would think as he has kept in touch for a while now. Surely it must mean something to meet someone’s mother in any culture. Perhaps I ruined my chances with the half-Swede by being over-excitable lol, but I am what I am, and indeed, if I am not myself with a man, how can I meet the right one? ;-)

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Ben/Lovedoctor

July 21st, 2010 at 14:47

@Kate
1. Yes

2. You kind of know it after a while, you just slip into it and want that person more than usual. You kind of wait for that spark in a heterosexual friend relation.

Just like Emilie said, patience, enjoy the relation you have now, I think you have to see each other more often to spark something. Or you have to go on the offensive on the chat, like I’ve said so many times.. To get a real swedish man and get that empowering flirtation you need to bring some to the mix as well, it takes two to tango in swedish flirting, and no one’s leading ;P

Sometimes guys don’t know what they want and you need him to consider a relation with you first, cause often they’re on autopilot.

You need to plant some kind of seed and then let it grow, perhaps you haven’t done so properly. Remember, swedish guys are used to resolute women and don’t necessarily see shyness as a direct sign of attraction.

3. It doesn’t exactly mean you’re his girlfriend but it could be, you also introduce your oldest friends to your parents, so hmm.

Though him visiting you with his mother only to meet you could be a positive sign and could mean that he’s expressed some interest and wants a second opinion from his mother.

Welcome to the raw side of love life,
-Ben/Lovedoctor (hahahaha)

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Jen

July 21st, 2010 at 22:09

@Ben Lol love the title, with all the input you have given, really does kind of suit you!

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Princess

July 21st, 2010 at 22:14

@kate – in typically unswedish fashion – just piggin ask him what the situ is then hey ho problemo is solved! God what a lot of faffing is going on recently. I’m the queen of unfaff. Now I’m going to be asked what that means aren’t I? Ho hum.

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Emilie

July 21st, 2010 at 23:38

@ Dr Luuuuuurrrve – do you do check ups? :-D

@ Princess/ Queen Unfaff – haha!

Well give the support not to text half-Swede on Sunday everyone!

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Lovedoctor

July 22nd, 2010 at 00:24

@Princess – Or just do it the Princess way, don’t have anything against that at all ;)

The name, it’s stuck!

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clotilde

July 22nd, 2010 at 03:22

Emilie – don’t text! haha

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Kate

July 22nd, 2010 at 09:37

@Emilie – Thank you so much for your comment! I would like to believe that I’m doing right, but it’s so confusing for me since he is indirect… I figured it out that Swedish male takes his time!

@LoveDoctor(!) – Thank you so much for your long comment! It helped me a lot. I will be patient and enjoy the relationship until we figure out what we are. You’re right on that I haven’t plant some seeds. I haven’t shown him so much the attitude that I’m attracted to him!

@Princess – I would love to ask him directly as you suggested, but I know it’s not a Swedish style and by doing so makes him scared or gives him pressure. So I’m avoiding that way…

My birthday is coming next week, and I will be coming to his city to meet him on the next weekend. So I will try not to give him any pressure, just enjoy the time with him.

Thank you all!

Kate

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EJM1234

July 22nd, 2010 at 19:46

Nice to hear that Swedish men are use to outgoing women (shy, I am not :P)

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Princess

July 22nd, 2010 at 19:58

@lovedoctor – you don’t like the ‘Queen of Unfaff’ moinker – why not? What would you suggest instead??

@Kate – oh jeez lady you should a bit super wet. You’re the important one not some bloke, so you put him under some pressure, sheesh he’s an adult isn’t he?? If it was swedish style to run round butt naked in the snow (oh hang on bad example but let’s go with it) would you follow that as well?? Stop playing by his rules and be your own lady, lady – ask…wimmin power!

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Lovedoctor

July 22nd, 2010 at 21:15

@Princess – I’m rarely sarchastic, I liked your idea actually :D

@EJM1234 – Being outgoing doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand with being resolute, I think you need to seperate the different definitions ;)

From the free dictionary:

resolute [?r?z??lu?t]
adj
-> 1. firm in purpose or belief; steadfast
2. characterized by resolution; determined a resolute answer

outgoing [?a?t?g????]
adj
1. departing; leaving
2. leaving or retiring from office the outgoing chairman
-> 3. friendly and sociable

But yes, resolution with being very outgoing is a very good mix!

I’ve noticed alot of attention has been paid to my posts, and I think a warning is in order. As I’m trying my best to put swedish culture and dating into words and describing it, my experience isn’t endless so I excuse errors I may make in my posts(it’s a learning process after all), I’m but a young swedish man after all :)

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Emilie

July 23rd, 2010 at 15:41

@ Lovedoctor… well you being an alpha male scared all the other guys off… ;-D

@ Princess – I am coming around to your way of thinking! A guy needs to show me that he is a grown up and capable of being supportive and considerate to my needs. Geez… I have wasted half a life on the other kind! Time to spend the rest of my time on me! :-)

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Laban

July 24th, 2010 at 23:38

Hello
Funny blog. Couldnt resist answering. Im a Swedish guy, but I have lived in France the last year. I still think I can answer for many Swedish guys

*If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
Yep. More often than not, the girl texting me something is the start of something where I end up asking a girl out.

* Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?
Got to try them all…
Swedish people are not going to marry the first they meet. Same for both girls and guys.

* Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?
Could be, but chatting online is the extreme case of low commitment. Since commitment is scaring any Swedish guy under 30, it might be hard to transform it to something in real life.

* Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?
Extra pounds yes, especially as curves, unhealthy skin etc due to bad diet/lack of training, dont think so.

* Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?
At least I do. Calling might be triggering defensive reactions with me, even if Im interested.

* What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?
University, activities, sports etc. Bars and clubs will get you fun, but probably not many “good catches”.

* Do Swedish women give the look too?
Yep. 20 min of glancing and peeking is the initial part of a “Swedish girl/Swedish boy” flirt.

* What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?
Society is more liberal than at least in France regarding this so I guess they are more ok. But to me it wouldnt work.

* Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?
Are you suggesting that Swedish guys are giving a lot of compliments to random women? I have never seen it, so I dont know.

What are signs of flirtatious behavior?
Same as the rest of the world. Maybe a bit slower if they are sober and a bit blunt if they are drunk.

*Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?
Dont know, dont like these kind of persons. Usually not really looking for a specific girl, just any girl.

* Does the ‘player’ culture exist?
Hell yes. Girls are better at it than guys in Sweden though

How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?
Send him a text :D
On a dance floor, you can be quite physical (it is accepted socially), if he responds and dance with you, you have succesfully “moved”.

* Do they like blonds or brunettes?
Dont think there is a common preference

Is it true Swedes are very rude?
No, but very impolite and independent. Many things considered as social behaviour in the rest of the world is intrusive and/or diminishing in Swedish social culture.

*Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?
No

Do they fall in love really hard?
Yes, I think so. The picture of perfect love is not accepted as existing in the real world, so Swedish people are not expecting to find it.

I managed to answer almost all questions :) Use them with care, I might be right…

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Princess

July 25th, 2010 at 13:12

@lovedoctor – right then that makes me officailly the Queen of Unfaff on this blog! Is faff in the dictionary?? I might go and check the Oxford Eng and if it’s absent email them with the suggetion! PS: sarcastic has no H m’duck.

@Emilie – hell yeah. You live and indeed learn.

@EJM1234 – you’re no shy but are you a plonker? Don’t worry about responses be you’re own person – god now I sound like some saddo talk show host! I do have two hangiovers that might be the reason, groan

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Princess

July 25th, 2010 at 13:13

oh god the typos there were tragic…I need more water and painkillers – sorry for murdering my mother tongue peeps!

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Dano

July 25th, 2010 at 14:15

@ Emilie – Oh i’m not gone hun,just waiting for something interesting!

@ Princess – I don’t think the typos are the problem…slang when talking to swedish men? Ah huh. lol.
“m’duck” is slang for “my dear”
“plonker” is slang for “fool” or “d”’”..depending on context.

Here to help! :D

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Emilie

July 25th, 2010 at 18:04

@ Queen of Unfaff – how’s the head? I can’t tell you what I did as you will tell me off!

@ Dano – ahh good there you are, it was starting to get boring around here… so what took you to Sweden anyway?

I think Ben a.k.a. Lovedoctor is off on his travels so we may not be hearing from him quite so much for now.

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Sara

July 25th, 2010 at 18:08

@Princess – Queen of unfaff, plonker… You are too funny. Your english is just so much more colorful than mine!

@Dano – Help me with this then: what is unfaff? We Americans don’t have such terminology!

@lovedoctor – What an appropriate new name!

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Dano

July 26th, 2010 at 01:14

@ Emilie – What took me to Sweden? An SAS 747 from Manchester International.

@ Sara – “faffing about” is slang for running around and never getting anything done!
So “Unfaffing” is getting something done without all the messing about.

@ Emilie again – I met my Swedish girlfriend online.After a year of chatting etc we decided to try to live together and Skåne is a lot nicer than Manchester…so here i am! :)

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Princess

July 26th, 2010 at 22:36

@Emilie – hangovers have gone, hurrah! Ta for concern (am gonna go for a m’duck there as you’re English and get me slang!). Oh god wot you done – is it something to do with pratt half Swede??

@Sara – ta – got loads of words stored in me bonce (aka head)

@Dano – hey we’ve got a double act thingy going here – I come up with random language/slang and you translate. Hmm dare I also say some posts have been bit yawn recently??

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Emilie

July 26th, 2010 at 22:52

@ Dano – thanks for the info lol

@ Laban – thanks for the info, very useful :-) are you single?

@ Queen Unfaff/ Princess – sigh and I was hoping you had forgotten… don’t shout at me lol. Well I decided I am going to do what I like never mind what he does so I texted his work a few times. Umm I also may I said I very much adored some of his recent work… I am just feeble, feeble, I know, put me up against the wall and shoot me like you would some dumb injured road kill that got knocked over by a juggernaught of love…
More interesting for you? ;-D

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Princess

July 26th, 2010 at 23:45

@Emilie – Big sigh, you’ve been weak there, total weakness in evidence. Think you need to delete his number now and move way from the car crash none relationship…y’know I right.

@Swedish people – need a translation service – what does ‘Söker Foxyninna’ mean? I hope it’s clean! Apologies if not and I plead total ignorance and declare myself as crap British person who really doesn’t do foreign languages

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clotilde

July 27th, 2010 at 01:40

@Laban – Very interesting information! Also regarding this line “20 min of glancing and peeking is the initial part of a “Swedish girl/Swedish boy” flirt.” It makes me think of that old movie “A Swedish Love Story” lots of peeking and glancing…hmm

Swedish boys are different species alltogether (in a special way). I’ve dated other boys from diff place… but they haven’t been this hard to sort out. An English boy’s shyness is very different from a Swede boy, for one. Anyway I’m not dating Swede boy, I’ve given up on my infatuation. Don’t have a chance, I’ll only get hurt if I fall for him (although at the back of my head, I still like him ALOT of course *CRY* ). I’ve realised they make excellent friends though!

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Sara

July 27th, 2010 at 02:50

@Laban – How insightful, thanks!

@Dano – So, could I say, alter Faffing and say that now knowing what faff means is “fafftacular?” As in this knowledge will probably never help me get anything done? ;)

@Emilie – Oh sweetheart. I agree with our Queen of Unfaff… Delete the guy’s number immediately!

@Clotilde – A very wise and mature decision. And yes, they do make excellent friends!

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clotilde

July 27th, 2010 at 03:11

@Emilie – I agree with Sara and Princess …you must delete the number!
@Sara – Thanks! I suppose the friendly part isn’t only with Swede boys though, as Swede girls are equally friendly! Oh Sara, you asked about record stores before, Swede boy used to work at a record shop in Stockholm – http://www.bengans.se

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Dano

July 27th, 2010 at 10:53

@ Princess – Yeah it’s been a little slow on here lately,we need to start bitching so all the swedes get semi-agressive!
All the swedes i’ve asked look at me like i have 2 heads when i say “what does söker foxyninna mean?” Guess it doesn’t mean anything!
There’s a good program out now that takes you to good swedish to english and vice versa sites…it’s called “Google”! :P

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Lovedoctor/Ben

July 27th, 2010 at 13:15

All – State report, currently in a Berlin cybercafe :P Hope someone would come and talk to me except for my stepbrother hehehe!

@Laban + All –
“* Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?
Are you suggesting that Swedish guys are giving a lot of compliments to random women? I have never seen it, so I dont know.”
I would say I do it all the time, can be taken as a definite sign of interest when it really isn’t a most definite sign.

@Princess – “Söker Foxyninna” means “Looking for Foxyninna”, Foxyninna could also be a play on words where lioness is “Lejoninna” in sweden and you mix both, so either he’s looking for a foxy lioness-type or a lioness fox-type; or maybe it’s overcomplicating things lol?

@Sara – Really enjoyed chatting to you when you had the time, looking forward to next time :)

@Laban – Well done with the questions, man! Well done!

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Kay

July 28th, 2010 at 15:30

@Laban – Thanks for the tips. I just moved to Stockholm from the U.S. and I know that dating is a totally different game here! Haven’t had a chance to test it out yet, but at least I know where to start ;)

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Princess

July 29th, 2010 at 22:06

@Ben – ta for that – that makes sense (sort of).

@Dano – soo sarcastic mate! Go and calm down with your little metal detector thingy (that isn’t a euphemism by way). Soo what can we bitch about the get the jolly Jonny foreigners riled about?? Hmmm…I’m thinking…

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Dano

July 29th, 2010 at 23:03

Could bitch about Malmö if Ben was here. He seems to fly off the handle when i do that lol. Other than that i don’t really know how to wind them up. Spent too much time winding yanks up i guess and not concentrating on other nations! I like the “easy” option. :)

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Sara

July 30th, 2010 at 03:55

@clotilde – Very true about all Swedes. Also, thanks for the heads up about the record store! I’d love to go check it out :)

@Ben – It was very nice chatting as well! I hope you have safe travels! Update us when you can :)

@Dano – Winding up Americans is easy, eh? What are some of your “go to” remarks? You really do enjoy getting a rise out of people, huh. haha

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Juni

July 30th, 2010 at 07:32

On my recent trip to Sweden I was surprised to see so many young people ( early 20′s) married, wearing wedding rings and with children. I was surprised because I had been given the impression that not so many swedes marry or are into commitment. I was really impressed by the number of babies I saw everywhere, in the towns, on the trains and so forth. I was told by one person that there is a baby boom going on in Sweden right now. Of course, this doesn’t jive with everything I’ve heard on this site, about swedes not marrying or wanting to commit at a young age. I wonder if Stockholm isn’t the exception to what is really happening in other parts of Sweden?

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Dano

July 30th, 2010 at 16:14

@ Sara – Nowadays i just mention anything pro-Obama..and that sets them off! lol.

When i’m feeling really lazy i just use the “Oh me?..I lobby senator’s to enforce gun control for a living!”

There’s many many ways to get them going,war of independence,how we paid the japanese to bomb pearl harbour because we needed cannon fodder for the Germans,etc etc..anything really that hits at an Americans “machismo”! (As it’s usually men).
And yes..i love antagonism! lol.

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Emilie

July 30th, 2010 at 17:59

Ahem. Well I have a date on Sunday and not with the half-Swede lol so may I have a medal please :-D

I am interested in any repsonses to Juni’s observations re the age that Swede’s settle down and if it is different in Stockholm to the rest of the country.

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eigenboy

July 31st, 2010 at 01:16

I love your blog! I used to live in upstate NY and now I’m in Stockholm. I’m not American, but my behavior is rather similar after 5 years in the States – with the difference that I am a true gentleman (or I think I am…)

I have gone out a few times with a swedish girls who I really like. Lunch, fika, cigarette breaks, and after a week of this we finally went out around Mosebacke square for dinner. I took her to a place that has a beautiful view of Gamla Stan. After that she took me around the west side of Söder to see the most beautiful sunset I have seen in my life.

She then showed me a place (whose name I don’t remember) that had great beer. We ended up kissing for a few hours everywhere in the city. I had the most wonderful time with her, she had so many things to say and was the most pleasant conversation… I wouldn’t have cared to go without making out (although it rocked my world!).

All of this preamble leads to my first question. Even though she knows I like her, and she has said “I really like you” more than once, she has also underlined that we are not dating. I am enjoying her company too much and wonder what she means by that. I’m naive and I don’t know even if dating exists here, but I would really like to see her more and learn about her life. She is fascinating. I don’t want to scare her away just because I am eager for some affirmation.

The second question is more simple. I came to the US for a conference and decided to get her two small gifts. One is a Beavis and Butt Head t-shit. She couldn’t stop talking about them and she was immitating their voice all the time. She has a great sense of humor and I really think she would enjoy it. Besides is something I have never seen in Sweden.

The other is a book of short stories in Spanish, she is trying to learn and loves literature.

How do Swedish girls feel about gifts when you are not even dating (according to her)? I don’t know if I’m going to scare her away or that she might interpret the gift in other terms. For example, I don’t want her to think that I am trying to get her in bed. I would be something nice if we ever do it, but I enjoy her company very much and would hate to drive her away.

Bloggers of the world, help!

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eigenboy

July 31st, 2010 at 01:28

Sorry, I forgot to add the third part: her mother was actually the one who set me up with her.

Her mother really likes me, and I adore the old lady also.

Does that help me or damage my chances?

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Jen

July 31st, 2010 at 12:25

Well I am not Swedish but me and my friends when on trips will pick things up for each other if something grabs us that the other person would like and its completely seen as a friendly thing and not seen as something with deeper meaning pressuring for something more, so I myself wouldn’t worry as they are referenced specific to things she’s obviously talked about like learning Spanish and are not just general gifts that can be equated with romance like perfumes for example. I would think her mother liking you might go a few ways depending on her relationship to her mother, if its good they might be able to agree you’re nice and that’s fine, if its not a good relationship if her mother is praising you being nice it might inadvertently dissuade the daughter from liking you, or she might have a brain of her own, note what her mother has said but think whatever she is going to think on her own. Maybe all this will help but its just a female opinion as mentioned before I’m unSwedish.

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Emilie

July 31st, 2010 at 16:19

Hi there Eigenboy. Well possibly she is waiting for you to say I would like us to be an item… you never know!

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Dano

July 31st, 2010 at 20:34

Noooooo! lol,if she’s stating catagorically that they’re not dating,then she means just that! Just take things as they are and don’t be pushy.People can grow on people.
As for the presents? Depends how far into the spanish she is.I’m learning swedish and read a lot but if someone gave me a swedish book i’d be like “are you trying to be funny??”! lol.
Girls like that kind of thing though,romantic and thoughtful etc etc. Just make sure you get across that you just “saw this and thought of you!” fact and you should be ok and gain a few brownie points!
If all this fails..ask her has she got any hot friends! :D

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Emilie

August 1st, 2010 at 22:09

@ Dano – I am coming from a woman’s perspective. She may be saying “we are not dating” to give him a chance to say “well would you like us to say we are dating.” Really man, think like a woman! (?) Yes I know we are confusing, we like it that way :-D

@ Eigenboy – Do not, repeat, do not take Dano’s advice and ask her if she has has any hot friends. You will be doomed to her cold shoulder *smacks Dano’s hand!*

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clotilde

August 2nd, 2010 at 02:14

@Dano – hahahaha that last line is hilarious! eigenboy would really have NIL chances after that!

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imogen

August 2nd, 2010 at 10:24

Hi there,

really love this discussion…. was beginning to think i had been given the cold shoulder by a swede until reading this! Maybe I have, but so difficult to work it out… what do you reckon??

So, I met this Swedish guy on a night out, it was a pretty wild night and everyone was drinking heavily, we ended up back at his to continue the party where the inevitable happened!! Not something i would normally do …but my god I have never had such a lethal attraction to someone like that before..it seriously was out of my control. lol! Anyway, the next day everything was cool, we had fun joking about together and he asked for my number before i went home. I heard from him a couple of days later, saying it would be good to meet up again, which we did a couple of weeks later and ended up staying over at his again..oh dear…
Anyway, he was going to work in the morning and it was all like… ‘right up and out of the flat now as i am going to work’ (he didn’t actually say that but that’s how it felt) then when he said goodbye I felt like i had been kicked in the stomach as he just goes, ‘it was really nice to see you and…..yeah’ then just walked off, I was gutted! I heard from him that day as he texted to see if I had got home ok then nothing for 2 weeks, when he texted to ask if i was coming up to where he lives anytime soon (we don’t live nearby) Now, can someone set me straight here, am I just a booty call, cos if this was an english guy this is what i would think and not bother, surely it can’t be that different for swedes ??!! Also think I need to sort out in my head what is going on before i start liking him way too much, which is kindof already happening..

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Dano

August 2nd, 2010 at 11:35

Well Emelie i’m looking at it from a guys point of view,and that view screams “I want to screw around a bit and not be tied down right now”! Which going off other comments on here seems to be the way with some Swedish girls.
I’ll admit my last line comment wasn’t well thought out so i’ll amend it to “screw her first..and then ask her if she has any hot friends!
Be bold! Don’t let women mess you about.Women like confidence and a man they feel can protect them, but also loving.
Failing this..just become “a right bastard!”…they always seem to have a woman for some odd reason! :)

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Lovedoctor

August 2nd, 2010 at 22:10

Currently in Holland and waiting for the boatride tomorrow which will take me to the UK :)

Agree with Dano on the need to be bold and selfconfident, often it’s the man’s role to be straightforward.

@All – Just so you know guys aren’t mindreaders unlike you girls(take it as slight sarchasm :P), and playing games has never been our forte; which can have devastating consequences where the girl can send mixed signals and in worst cases be seen as devious. Just a side lesson.

@Dano – Being too bold would be being a jerk :P That’s also a plan… Z, for use in the most miserable situations and would probably hurt the girl even more xD

Romanticism is nice, although remember that like guys girls can be nonromantic and then there could be a risk of you looking cheezy(or unoriginal)..

A right bastard requires alot of status and often have a big reputation to start with so sure, go ahead and try it; only problem is you get all the girls who move on and the right bastard rarely gets anyone who wishes to stay with him/her imo.

@Eigenbboy – If you’re not a good listener be very careful(very ominous but it underlines the point), use what women use not the words but the vibes you get while you’re talking, ignore the negative ones and focus on the positive ones which will increase your confidence and attractionpoints :D

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Emilie

August 3rd, 2010 at 23:02

Ahem well being confused may not be within the woman’s control and does not necessarily mean she is playing the mind games… dating is a dance, a step forward, a step back, to find out where the rhythm of the relationship is (or indeed if it is). However I think the Luuuuurve Doctor’s point about sensitivity to the whole situation is a good one. Oh and that he enjoys his visit to England :-D I also agree with what he says about men who are none to fussy about the girls they sleep with! In fact, how very unattractive to treat women that way (or indeed to treat men that way if women do the same).

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clotilde

August 5th, 2010 at 01:48

swedish boys… they break so many hearts

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Jen

August 5th, 2010 at 02:37

@clotilde very true, there should be repercussions ;P

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Kay

August 5th, 2010 at 09:39

So, went out with my 1st Swedish guy to dinner last night in Stockholm! Had a nice time and he was a good listener. I “think” he may have given “the look” but not sure. Anyway, being from the U.S. I thought I was pretty flirtatious and properly showed interest (for me anyway) but later in the night when we were messaging by sms he said I didn’t indicate that I would be interested in a kiss or anything. Thought this was quite funny because I felt that I made it clear what I wanted! Lost in Translation I guess ;) I will see him again though this week and will just have to try harder to act into it. It is just really difficult when I am so used to men picking up the signals and making a move!

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Dano

August 5th, 2010 at 12:40

Sigh..so much time and opportunities are wasted on waiting for someone to pick up on “signals”!
I’m a pretty “forward” kinda guy,but know i’ve spent many many times in these situations…and lost out through lack of nerve or being scared i’m picking up wrong signals. We’re a long time dead! So as Princess would say “stop faffing about,and git it done!”

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clotilde

August 5th, 2010 at 16:14

I think I’ve been faffing about and I’m about to lose out to a girl who is geographically nearer to Mr.Swede. haha yeah I know I said I’m happy with being friends.. but oh well. I wish I were bold.

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Ben/Lovedoctor

August 5th, 2010 at 19:16

@clotilde – “swedish boys… they break so many hearts” Ill take that as a compliment clotilde :P

@Dano – Don’t think its really that easy if you want to get exactly what you want, just being “forward” is a very imperfect tactic. But then, I guess human nature isn’t either. Not saying I agree with you completely.

Currently in London, and on saturday i’m going home to a hornet’s nest :D I liked the vacation and well see how long I stay at the worplace, and in Sweden. My laptop battery’s gone dead and I have no idea where theres an adapter for these bleeping UK inputs lol, fortunately I got to borrow one from a good guy in my hostel room to load my phone yesterday haha.

So long for now,
-Ben

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eigenboy

August 5th, 2010 at 22:06

Hey there gang!

Well, she received well the presents and thought they were a nice gesture. I liked that she didn’t get a wrong impression. It’s nice to be nice without consequences!

I am still seeing her and I have dropped the topic about “dating or not”. I thought about it and, I’m not sure if I am ready for another commitment after a long relationship in the US.

We went out every day from Sunday through Wednesday, I am enjoying hanging out with her, getting to know her, and “etc”. So I’ll just leave it at that until the unexplored Swedish psyche prepares a surprise for me.

In any case, if nothing turns out between us (either a relationship or a “relation-shit”), I think I have a friend in the pocket, and those come in handy always.

@ Dano, thanks for the advise, but I rather take the opposite direction. I know it always works out because nice and “real” woman love to be treated well, and those who don’t love it turn out to be unbearable and downright a**holes. I had my share of inconsiderate and selfish women, and I’m not interested anymore. Looks and sex are not enough compensation to put up with their attitude and manipulation.

@ Emilie, I didn’t go for Dano’s advice by the way… the right bastard is still a bastard.

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Emilie

August 5th, 2010 at 22:39

Haha what can I say here… well good communication is always good in any situation and if the communication isn’t there neither is anything else…

@ Clotilde – you are who you are and trying to be something you are not will never make you happy hun. If you truly wish to be bolder, you will be bolder at the right time and not before.

@ Kay – well from what I have heard here who knows what they need at times to “get the message” … a strip tease perhaps!

@ eigenboy – um I am glad you don’t go for being the right bastard. However your recent post shocked me a little! It seems you have had bad experiences and yes, need time, but ammend your language a little please :-) Am I a prude? lol

@ Dano – behave yourself! Where is your enjoyment of the romance, the will we or won’t we, the building of an exciting possibility?

@ Ben – Well I am pleased you enjoyed your travels and to hear of the phone/ lap top situation! Explanations always help matters :-D So you are possibly leaving Sweden? Where might you move to?

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Dano

August 5th, 2010 at 23:18

@Ben – You’ll get a UK plug adapter at WH Smiths or Boots in the “travel” sections.

@eigenboy – Lol, glad things worked out!

@Emilie – sorry mistress! By the way, is your last name Cookson,Bronte,Mills or Boon? :P

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Kay

August 6th, 2010 at 07:04

@Dano – It was the first time we hung out together really so I didn’t expect a lot. I was just surprised that he thought I wasn’t that into him. I suppose I am quite reserved which definitely won’t help date men in this country!

@Emilie – That is a depressing thought! I like to reserve that type of thing for when I am actually in a relationship with someone, not to get them to notice me ;) And sex on the first date is pretty much out of the question!Have to work on my strategy

@Ben/Lovedoctor – I know you are busy travelling, but when you get back, help a new girl out with the best way to show interest in a Swedish man in a subtle way. Yes, I said SUBTLE. I clearly need help in this area :)

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Sharon

August 6th, 2010 at 09:59

Hi guys, it’s Sharon here. Long time as I had to go on an impromptu trip and then having coming back i have had to move, so really no time to sit down to update.

BUT THERE IS NEWS. sorry i see there are new people on the blog so maybe when you read this update and are a little confused you can search for my name on this page and read my story about my swedish guy.

WELL WELL: HERE GOES:

after i sent him the documents, i did not hear from him until a week later! infact i only tried to calm myself down by telling myself that time flies and so i should be patient. well he did reply after a week saying that he had travelled to an island with no access to the internet hence sorry for the late reply and thanking me for the docs.

he then asked me to give him more information on the songs he previously promised to send me. i waited 3 days before replying and said it was good to hear from him and that he should just send me any good Swedish songs as I didn’t mind.

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Sharon

August 6th, 2010 at 10:00

As promised, on the same night he came back, he called me from his house phone twice, once even close to midnight as I didn’t pick up cos I was asleep. I called back and he sounded really happy to hear my voice and asked what I was doing over the weekend.

So now we are meeting tomorrow and I will stay over at his place and come back to my home on Sunday. We have been speaking on the phone each night but I do the calling (is that right) although when I also texts he texts me back.

Is it okay if I keep doing the calling or should I let him do the calling sometimes. It is so hard when you come from a background that allows the men to do the ‘chasing’ and now this is me having to do the chasing. Do you think I am being too forward by calling him each night.

I will also update you as to how the weekend went. Infact I have been daydreaming about it and still cannot believe I bagged myself a GOERGEOUS Swedish man!

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Lovedoctor

August 6th, 2010 at 12:41

All right, i’ll see what I can pick out of my head!

@Kay – Here are some signals;

-Keep eyecontact but don’t stare.

-Smiling and swirling your finger along the tip of your glass(to make it seem more authentic you could try talking while you do it, though you could try and give him the look while you do it instead of talking(while smiling, looking down then looking up at him while tiliting your head slightly to the left or right))

-Girlish giggles(with an attempt to shield your mouth from it) always peaks my interest.

-Sharing your cigaret with the guy(if you’re a smoker)

-In some parts of the country, though i’m not sure if it encompasses the entire nation blowing smoke in the guy’s, or girl’s face signals you want him(better if you’re both smokers)

@Sharon – Stalling is a really evil tactic, 3 days would be like an eternity for me and I’d either have to let you go willingly(as it would be torture to seem cool with it) or like him, wait for you. That was a very dangerous game you played, girl.

I wouldn’t say “chasing” as that is the term for men(with a more superficial body language), i’d probably baptize it “hunting” in the female sense.

As women have some differences when it comes to dating(“mating” in its most base form), instead of sexual they are sensual. Swedish women do not chase guys, they either stalk their prey or jump at it(to stress the metaphore). If a woman acts like she’s chasing me I often get less and less interested, but if I notice she’s “stalking her prey” my interest increases..

This could also apply to Kay’s little pickle ;)

@Dano – Cheers, i’ll see if I can look’em up

@Emilie – Not sure yet, I guess the future will decide, or like what the muslims say “Allah guide my path” :)

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Kay

August 6th, 2010 at 13:12

@Sharon – I feel your confusion about this whole thing!

@Lovedoctor – I am American and smile all the time without realizing it, but I am sure I have a “look” of my own.

If I am actually already out to dinner with a guy I still do all of these things? Can you be a little more specific about the calling/sms thing. I have zero experience with calling and texting guys at the beginning of dating them, so I need some guidelines as to if/when I do it.

Tack! You should start your own dating column in the newspaper :)

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Emilie

August 9th, 2010 at 11:17

@ Sharon – I am pleased you are having some success! Me too! It just takes time :-)

@ Kay – Ahem. Well having recently had a (rather successful) experience of the Swedish dating and messaging culture, I would say you should show your interest by being friendly and letting your personality shine through. If there is a connection the flirting will follow quite naturally. I am from England and I was very surprised and pleased at how the Swedish male respects equality. There is a much more balanced approach without some of the insecurities and macho-ego pretence that I see in a lot of English men, with the Swedish male showing a lot more confidence in his um abilities :-D. Although I think it is refreshing for the Swedish male to make the moves with a foreign woman as from what I have heard the Swedish women are often quite bold (or even a little scary?) in their approaches. Femininity and equality can go hand in hand :-)

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Kay

August 9th, 2010 at 16:15

@ Emilie – Tack. My main worry is that I won’t “hold up” my end of the flirting so to speak. I have NO experience with calling and sending text messages of my own at the beginning with a guy. I usually just respond and leave it up to them assuming that if they are into me, it will be made known to me. I am trying to figure out the fine line between showing real interest and seeming completely uninterested in the Swedish dating world……I don’t want it to be confused for politeness when really there are PLENTY of things I would like to do with this person that don’t include friendship! ;)

Lovedoctor?

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Emilie

August 9th, 2010 at 18:47

@ Kay – I shall tell the Lovedoctor you are calling for him! Heehee! Well I think your guy will probably show interest in time but you should just keep things friendly until then, but be sure to stay in regular contact. I hear honesty and openness are prized in Swedish culture, so if those qualities are prized in your heart then you are in with a good chance :-)

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Kay

August 9th, 2010 at 19:46

@ Emilie – Well, we had a bit of a kiss already (a very short one initiated by me – shocker!) but I am assuming that doesn’t mean a whole lot in this country….I am taking from your last response that I should text him friendly messages every now and then to stay in contact? Even if I don’t see him or speak to him for several days? Seems like a lot of work for me ;)

This crap is exhausting and I only just arrived in Stockholm. I need a drink! :)

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ice

August 10th, 2010 at 08:38

Hello, I am 26 year old tall (179cm/5’10.5″) large-framed woman from NY.. but living and working in Japan for the past year. I work out and such but everyone here is so much smaller framed then me it is discouraging at times especially when even the women’s shoe size stops at 25cm!! (size 7 us) However, I do love Japan!

Anyway, currently I’m in a difficult ending of a 7 year long relationship… I have always been with shorter skinnier guys..(not Asian, yet..though not opposed to it) I haven’t had a body frame preference per say …and right now I am not ready to date again, and of course not sure if or when i will be but i have become more attracted to the idea of dating a “Nord” since I am of similar built..

I have read alot of this blog and find it very interesting and suppose I am wondering an opinion from the people commenting here. When I’m ready, would I have a chance with one? Do some Swedish men like larger-framed women, let alone American? I am American but don’t identify as such, I’ll say I’m from New York before ever saying America, heh. (No offense to the other Americans on the site, I’m just not particularly fond of our country, hence why I live abroad.) I am made up of 6 European nationalities but none are Scandinavian that I know of.. I am currently Intermediately skilled in the Japanese language and studying basic German, and find Swedish interesting but think I maybe shouldn’t try too many languages at once.. there is of coarse a lot more to me then just my interests of language and different cultures.. but i won’t go into it here. But this website makes it seems more complicated to date a Swed then I once thought. What is more difficult in my situation is I plan to be in Japan working for another 2-4 years… Any suggestions/ideas, would be useful.Thanks!

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sapphire

August 10th, 2010 at 09:22

@Ice – Swedish girls are taller than the average American girl by a long shot. They’re also more fit in general (you don’t see obese here like you do in the States).

If you are in Japan – consider joining some language exchange clubs or even a Scandinavian society to meet new people. I am sure if you have a great personality, you will find someone. My only warning is, discard all the enculturement about American dating and what “men should do” to make it a valuable date. Do what makes you happy.

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ice

August 11th, 2010 at 14:13

@sapphire – Thank you very much for you insightful advice. I never thought of that, a Scandinavian society in Japan is a great idea. Here’s hoping my part of Japan has one! ;)

Yeah, as for the American dating knowledge, I’ve never dated a guy that took care of me, I always either split things or in this last LONG relationship I’ve been doing most of it which is no good. I like the equality idea though, but because I’ve done so much part of me seriously would like someone to help now…hehe, well I will have an open mind whenever the times comes. Thanks again!

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s

August 14th, 2010 at 12:19

Do players exist – definitely. From my experience, though, they’re quite up front about their intentions and current situation(s).

SMS vs Phone – After the first set of “lets meet up” sms’s, my guy preferred to call me when we first started dating. And still does.

If I like you can I call or text first – Yes, definitely. But be specific! Don’t leave it entirely up to him to ask you out or you might end up in an awkward SMS limbo.

How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him? – Different for everyone, duh! I actually had a very american dating experience with my guy with the exception that I actually SMSed him first.

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Emilie

August 16th, 2010 at 13:30

“Do players exist – definitely. From my experience, though, they’re quite up front about their intentions and current situation(s).”

Hey S, I soooo agree! I have been on the receiving end of a similar situation myself lately. An open relationship is really not for me!
I have also ended up in the no-man’s text limbo land with another half Swede. However I do think that if someone really likes you they will make the effort required. If they can’t be bothered to put the time in to get know how lovely I am then more fool them. ;-)

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Balty

August 16th, 2010 at 16:25

Swedish men, however reserved they are, will show attention if they are interested. It is advisable to be brave with Swedish men but not to overplay it (friendly eye contact and smiles should be enough). I have never encountered anything such as the player culture in Sweden, they are very respectful of women and pretty down to earth and honest.

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Taylor

August 19th, 2010 at 03:13

Hi everyone! So I need some opinions, and it looks like I came to the right place. Just recently came back from a holiday in Sweden, and I met a very attractive man, but he was so forward which I thought was unusual since the general consensus says Swedish men are shy. We spent some time together, but by the end of the evening, he proposed to share the night together. Does that sound normal in the Swedish dating scene? Or was he just a player?

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Emilie

August 19th, 2010 at 14:59

Hi Taylor :-) well I have very limited experience but I have learnt a lot on this site. I think that Swedish men are quite forward if they are interested in you and I also know that casual sex is quite an accepted norm in Sweded. However I have also heard that long term relationships ofteen start out as friends without the immediately jumping into bed together. I think there are players in any culture but also I believe that Swedish men are more upfront about what they want which is actually a very good thing. I would rather a man be honest about what he wants than find out 2 years down the line of an emotionally involved relationship that he is being unfaithful! Hope this helps?

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Balty

August 19th, 2010 at 21:29

That sounds quite typical. :) Use your best judgment based on how handsome and well behaved the man is. The good thing is that they don’t make a big deal about it. However, sometimes it is better to abstain, there will always be more opportunities.

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Taylor

August 19th, 2010 at 23:07

@Emilie – Thanks so much for the opinion. I got the feeling that casual stuff was more acceptable, but I just didnt want to give the wrong impression. We’ll see if my decision to say no was the right one.

@Balty – I tried to use my better judgment, but he was really really good-looking..hahaha. At the end of the day, I abstained b/c he seemed a little too smooth (like hes probably done this a few times before) and I didnt want to be just another notch on his bedpost. But it doesnt mean I’m still not curious to where it could have lead…. I hope you’re right that other opportunities will arise from more promising prospects.

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Taylor

August 19th, 2010 at 23:09

I would like to hear what a Swedish guy thinks of the above mentioned situation. Any thoughts are welcome :)

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Sapphire

August 19th, 2010 at 23:27

Where’s the Swedish men when we need them?

@Taylor – If he proposed for you to stay the night, he was probably interested in one thing only. But, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see you again. He just has other temporary priorities. :wink:

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Sophie

August 20th, 2010 at 13:42

Guys,

Have read your discussion. Always thought that Swedish guys are shy. But now got acquainted with one. We speak on the internet mostly… And i may say that he’s like any other men. Good humoured, a bit tender, a bit (a bit!) vulgar. I think there’s no special “theory” in dating Swedish man, it really depends on person. One exception, girl SHOULD be initiative and do first step.
But for me question if he likes me or not (like more than friend) is still actual :D

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Sophie

August 20th, 2010 at 14:00

Btw, forgot to add. He tells me about his private life and previous relationship, so it’s also a bit confusing and surprising because i didn’t expected such frunkness frow Swede… As a conclusion about his relationship, i may say that he’s absolutely normal man, who can care his woman. I think he’s not the only one. And probably it’s not question of nationality, but feelings…
And one more thing, we met not in Sweden. He asked me to visit him, but i don’t understand if it is just politeness gesture or he really wants it… Because he invited me few times and still we have no progress with this question…

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Dano

August 21st, 2010 at 11:12

If asked for sex by a Swede on a first date then you need to ask yourself how you’d react in the same situation with a guy from any other nation.It’s become the “norm” for western nations and Eastern European nations to accept “casual” fun,watch a movie,listen to the music scene,check the birth rates etc etc.
Just because it’s always been a trait of scandinavians for years doesn’t mean a guys not just a player and hoping for the best..like the rest of us! :P

@Sophie – Everyone is brave on the “net” hun! Some accept it and use their own personalities when chatting,some basically invent and live a totally different life than in the real world.
There’s an art to working out which is which and who is the real who…an art that would help and save people a LOT of anguish and hassle if learnt!
Easier said than done though unfortunately. :(

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Sophie

August 22nd, 2010 at 10:48

@Dano – Agree with you, but if you have backgroung of meeting in real life with him/her, and you didn’t like him/her, you won’t speak with him/her. Internet sometimes can give you a chance to make a connection, and sometimes it works :)

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Dano

August 22nd, 2010 at 10:57

I was speaking from the view of people who haven’t yet met in real life yet,and yes, i know an internet “connection” can work sometimes as i’m into my third year here in Sweden with my Swedish fiancee! lol :)

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Sophie

August 22nd, 2010 at 16:22

Dano, lol :) as you’ve got your piece of cake ;) seems that you are well educated in this area :) Btw, have you lived far from Sweden, before? Did she invited to visit her in Sweden?
What if i am invited by a Swede for visit, is it ok to stay at his home?.. Probably he expects *** and nothing more…

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Sophie

August 22nd, 2010 at 16:24

But it’s quite stupid to invite girl for it, if he can have any local for this and any other purpose.
He wants to visit me as well.

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DeepSoul

August 23rd, 2010 at 07:13

@Dano….Heyyy!! Long time there! I agree with you on the last few passages. How have you been?

@Sophie…Have you seen this guy before? Or is it just the net? We always want to believe that people are who they say they are. I am with Dano on all of this. Hope it all works out. Have you all set a date to meet yet? How long have you been talking? Oh so many questions. The internet is so vague and relationships are capable of growing, if there is communication, trust and respect. Other times, people can just put on a facade and be fake and play around. Get to know him really well.

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Sophie

August 23rd, 2010 at 08:56

DeepSoul – we met in real life, after that started to chat around. Not just the net :) He asked my phone number and asked about concrete data of our meeting. So it is a good sign, isn’t it?
Hah, i imagined what if he could come across this info… :D

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DeepSoul

August 23rd, 2010 at 17:53

@Sophie…I would say that it sounds like a good sign. You have already spent time together and you both want to continue on with the communication process. It seems that both parties are interested. What I would say is the most important next step is discussing what you are both looking for from this relationship. Honesty is important. Ultimately, I would say that starting off with a friendship is optimal, if you are ever looking for something longterm. Friendships can grow with mutual respect, equality, acceptance and integrity. You just want to know his intentions as well I am sure. :)

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Taylor

August 24th, 2010 at 02:40

Thanks,guys, for the input :)

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Sharon

August 24th, 2010 at 10:04

guys, i am back on the scene – well with upsetting news. my gorgeous swede and i are over. yes sadly over (after 4 weeks in total). well after having come back from holiday – we met at his place over the weekend. saturday we had a very good time together talked a lot went for dinner and then back to his place – well we ended up in bed together. and then i left on sunday. that day he was unusually quiet and withdrawn and asked coyly that i leave earlier than scheduled. so i just went along with what he wanted in the hope that he would be himself later.

well on monday evening he calls me and tells me he has bad news-and that he did not want to continue. i was shocked as it had come out of the blue. he said he felt we had rushed and everything had gone too quickly and that we should have only had coffee first (so i agree that best to start out as friends).

well i must say i was sad (not devastated) and told him i had nothing to say as it was his choice. it’s been 2 weeks since and i’ve never heard from him again(he told me if i needed to question anything i could call him – but really although i have several questions i think it would be best not to contact him again- really hard as i thought we had a chance. did i scare him off as he said we should have taken things more slowly? can i call him at all – in the hope we at least become friends? i am confused – cos i feel once his mind is made up – it is.

this hasn’t put me off swedes though-although he apologised and said it was his fault for leading me on. maybe some day the right person will come along – and as Deep Soul and Princess said – Be yourself. i am so glad i didn’t change to please him and i left with my integrity intact.

so my little advice to all those who are dating swedes – as gorgeous as they may be just be yourself and take things slowly.

pray for me…….

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Dano

August 24th, 2010 at 18:49

Hi Deepsoul.I’m fine really,just returned from the UK after a family problem and catching up.Hope you’re well.

@Sophie – I’m from Manchester,UK,the only other place i’ve lived.We met online in “second life”,an online game.Things snowballed for a year and she came to visit me twice before asking me to move to Sweden with her..and here i am! :)
It’s fine to visit and stay with a guy at his home …as long as you’re aware of why he’s inviting you.How you handle it is your choice,but make sure he knows the limits,if you want to set any.

@Sharon – Sounds like he got what he wanted and dropped you like a hot stone! Maybe the sex wasn’t to his liking? Did he ask you any weird crap like “can i tie you up and whack you with birch twigs?” etc? Anything you refused?
Basically sounds like the typical good looking guy..”screw ‘em and drop ‘em”!
Brutal ain’t i? Sorry,but so is life. Write it off to experience and try not to catagorize all Swedes as being like him.

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Princess

August 24th, 2010 at 19:50

Hi all – laptop broken so not been able to get online and keep up with things on the blog. Having just come back from Amsterdam am considering forsaking the Swedish male for the Dutch, cos phewy they were cute and the Dutch seem a lot more friendly than these chilled Swedes! Call me fickle…

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Dano

August 26th, 2010 at 08:20

…”so many men…so little time…how can I (she) lose?” as the old song goes! :P
Always liked the Dutch,kind of like here,both sexes have great lookers around and as you said, they’re more approachable and friendly. Although i’ve found swedes friendly once the ice is broken.
Sneaky the Dutch though.They all speak at least 5 languages but know that nobody ever learns Dutch..so we can’t make fun of them but they can of us with each other!!
Holiday romance and a bit after too..with a gorgeous Dutch gymnast (female variety) back in the dark ages (1982). Good times. :D

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Emilie

August 26th, 2010 at 22:54

Well folks… I have found myself a man from Macclesfield :-D and he is wonderful! Extremely happy! Wish me luck! xx

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Dano

August 27th, 2010 at 08:57

Lol..bit of a change there hun.I went to Macclesfield once..it was closed! :P
Best wishes.

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Princess

August 29th, 2010 at 16:02

@Emilie – ha ha my bro lives in Macc. It isn’t him though as he’s single. I grew up not far from there. Good luck lady with this new non-Swede liaison!

@Dano – you’re a dark horse Mr Manc lad, Swedish fiancee, Dutch gynmasts in the past. Perhaps I will mount two pronged attack on both Swedish and Dutch fit male population, ha ha.

@everyone – got my laptop back and internet connection sorted – am back in business!

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Dano

August 31st, 2010 at 09:36

You have to “test the worldly waters” Princess, lol.Good to see you back hun.

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clotilde

September 3rd, 2010 at 03:02

Swedes need space, I understand that well. But it seems like He decides when He wants to talk, and never the other way around. He’s been gone for weeks, not replying to texts and emails.. and now he’s back and trying to solicit attention. I thought I’m used to it, but I’m doing the petty and immature thing by immitating him. Oh well. haha.

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Dano

September 3rd, 2010 at 08:31

Seems to me like he’s taking the “play hard to get” role to the extreme.Probably just using you for the ego boosts etc.
Sounds like a lot of girls i’ve known..wayyy too much hard work and an emotional minefield!
Drop him,find someone who wants to spend time with you hun.

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clotilde

September 3rd, 2010 at 16:25

Dano, thanks, that’s what I think as well. I’ve gotten tired of his antics too. Flirty one day, missing in action the next. Who knows really what he is up to. I can’t be bothered with playing hard to get. pssh.

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Emilie

September 7th, 2010 at 15:54

@ Princess – :-) he lives in Cornwall now too. He’s a very attractive, clever and funny man. I am a lucky lady.

@ Dano – thanks! Been friends for 10 months on FB due to mutual interests and are sooo well suited it’s amazing! Great friends first, that was the key… there it was right under my nose all along haha.

@ Clotilde – that was EXACTLY my situation hun, the hot cold thing becomes annoying after a while, however hot the hot is! Also I never knew what he was up to and that is not OK! I am wanting to settle down and a game-player is not father material… I like to know where I stand these days… I must be getting old eh lol ;-)

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clotilde

September 8th, 2010 at 15:22

Emilie – I know! Likewise… too old to play games. I’m so glad to hear you are much much happier these days. You deserve it. I am sure he is lucky to have you!

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Rene

September 10th, 2010 at 08:35

met my swede in a gaming group. we were friends for some time, laughing and talking about everything we could imagine, and were both surprised to find that all of a sudden we couldn’t go a day without speaking to or messaging one another. the surprise was largely in the age difference…and the fact that he was very up front about not being interested at all in a relationship, he’s very shy about things like that. he says it’s coz i’m not a ridiculous girl and he’s very comfortable with me.

the questions i have i suppose are similar to ones i’ve seen a few times throughout the dual threads : age gaps and having children from a previous relationship aren’t issues? and also the gender role cultural difference.

i’m american and was raised “take care of your man or someone else will” and now he’s changed from the immature, cynical person i met that said he wanted to do nothing in life but play video games. He has gone so far as to enroll in a school so that he could get a career and insists on marriage, adopting my daughter and would rather i didn’t work or do much of anything because he can’t bear the thought of me working or doing all the housework myself.

so…i guess that’s an additional question. is it typical for a swedish guy to decide on a partner and have such revelations that would change his entire outlook on life?

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Another girl

September 14th, 2010 at 01:04

Hej to all!
I have a few questions on swedish dating. How important is fika for a man? If a swedish man, a woman and his or her friend go out together, is there a possibility that the swede would think that it is kind of a date?
Here is also a scenario. If the swedish man showed interest in a woman that wasn’t going after him, then the woman gets interested in him but he acts aloof, then the woman doesn’t go after him anymore but then he tries to get her attention again… does it mean that he’s only playing with her or what? What would happen if she “disappears” after seeing no big interest from him? Would he take it as a lack of interest from her part and forget about her? Or would he see that she’s only reacting to his actions?
It would be nice if someone could shed some light on these matters.

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Wallentin

September 14th, 2010 at 19:15

I blame feminism for the castration of swedish men. =)
Everything in the swedish society is there to promote women in the name of equality. That was probably great and necessary in the 30′s – 70′s. It became redundant in the 80′s and probably hurt the equality movement after that.

This is the result, meek men.

I personally like foreign ladies myself. They are more fiery and not as whiny. =)

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Lovedoctor

September 15th, 2010 at 14:08

Rewriting this as my savage browser closed on me… I’ve been away for a while, taking a sabbatical period you could say. Good to see you’re still alive and kicking!

@Wallentin – Huzzah, Wallentin! Even though I don’t completely agree with Swedish men being meek, I have had a taste(bare with the expression ;)) of the foreign woman and it has proven to be addictive. Foreign women something special, they are safe in their womanhood and that adds some spice to life.

Swedish men play a different game altogether, they now own the game equally with the women and this has given rise to new swings(as men are different from women of course the men will create game methods different from the women’s) in the game, as well as a slight vacuum in the game(not sure what to do) because of the swift changes feminism has imposed. I see it positively, we’re still in the eve of our new potential.

@Another girl – The periods of silence is kind of a test to test the girl’s attachment, increasing attraction. And it’s never intended to generate malice or dissatisfaction. I commonly hear it being used by guys I know.

It’s similar to the “who should call first?” test where the guy almost never calls the first two days after getting a phone number I’d think. Why It’s disimilar I would account to the swedish male being friendly but still a man looking for a woman, which can prove confusing. It’s a different approach but basically the same, it’s a part of the game.

Picking at my brain again, hope it’s coherent..

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Another girl

September 15th, 2010 at 20:33

@Lovedoctor – So, if he’s been MIA, what do you suggest? Wait for him to contact me? Or should I contact him? (done this in the past and has worked out either really good or bad)What impression will he get from me if I’m constantly the one who’s trying to see if he’s still alive? I do know that he’s really busy with work right now; still think that if a man cares about a woman no matter where they’re from or how shy they are, they will still show that by actions…

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Lovedoctor

September 15th, 2010 at 22:35

@Another girl – It’s a tradition among many so I don’t think it’s that simple. While there are dating traditions in most cultures many may be confusing. I’m just trying to make it as smooth for you as possible, with knowledge comes understanding and balance.

I’ve seen extremely nice guys who’ve done this and who I know treat their women well. But it’s only once they know you they can relate to you. It might connect to the swedish way which you call having a difficult time breaking the ice when talking to swedes. Pondering on this even deeper, it could even connect to the need for trust which is a remnant from the days when people need to trust each other to survive. Swedish girls know this and increase their attention when the guy’s distant(upfront women is a real turn-on for me f.example) :)

I’m currently at a home party and the guy next to me, when discussing this agreed fully with what I wrote(I got a brobump) :P

Of course, generalization is a b***. :P I’ve heard women sometimes tell me i’m distant but naturally I don’t think about it at all, cause it’s part of who I am. Just don’t fret and continue with the attention and communication. What is harsh is he doesn’t return the attention. Then you go on for about 4 days and give up. It’s a new sense of worrying but it’s still the same amount of worry in any culture. You have the pro of not sharing the swedish legendary loneliness, so truck on :)

As a sidenote, don’t become too attached, you can easily get like that when you have sparse or no physical contact at all, just chatting. Trust me, I know x) Just mentioning this if you haven’t done it before.

Holy crud, half a page again; sorry Sapphire.

/Lovedoctor

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Lovedoctor

September 15th, 2010 at 22:37

correction “what is harsh is if he doesn’t return the attention.”

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Another girl

September 16th, 2010 at 06:42

@Lovedoctor – Ok. I will do my best at trying to continue with the communication except it makes my palms sweat just to even think of writing an e-mail after this period of time. How about I test him this time to see if he has a real interest? If I have had the courage to take the initiative, it shouldn’t be hard for him to do it this time. Like you said, it takes two to tango. I also feel that after a while he starts losing interest but when he sees me again his interest is back, so I don’t know what to think. Oh, and really thank you for the input and warning. Say thanks also to the guy that was next to you at that party.

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Jessica

September 16th, 2010 at 07:54

Hi there,

I have read this thread since I found it yesterday and have been chuckling along. After studying Old Germanic at uni, I decided to broaden my horizons and start studying Swedish as I have become facinated with Scandinavia. I would like to go and study there as learning a language in a country itself always helps and I would be going for a semester. I am a bit weary of going there as I will be going on my own. I am a very social person and have no trouble making friends, but how approachable are the Swedes? I have heard recently from a friend that was there (also studying for a semester) that they open up after they have had a few beers :-) What I have found a bit frightening after reading this blog is that they sound so much like Dutch men :’-( I am a South African that immigrated here 16 years ago and am trying desperately to leave Holland – sorry to all you ladies and gents out there that have pinned your hope on the Dutch :-P

This is a gross generalization, as there are very nice Dutch men, but the majority seem to be pigs due to feminism (it has had its good points, but it has ruined the balance between men and women so none know how to behave towards each other). Really disconcerting to a woman that comes from a conservative background and appreciates a gentlemen i.e. opening of doors and helping carry heavy things etc. How does this work in Sweden? Can someone please tell me how men treat women (in general and not just in the dating scene)?

in return, I am very happy to help out with info as regards Dutch men :-P Thanks very much in advance!

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Dano

September 16th, 2010 at 09:37

I think a lot of this “will they..won’t they” stuff is basically down to the individual.
That goes for you too.If a guy/girl likes and wants you enough then they’ll bend over backwards to help/impress/get you!
It’s a fact of life that unfortunately (or not,depending)works a lot easier for the very good looking amongst us!
If someone is “stalling”,looking like they’re not too interested,”playing games”,or ignoring you..then they don’t like/want you enough,and you’re wasting your time!

Also,a lot of people tend to be…lazy,where emails are concerned.Some people find typing a conversation about everyday things daunting,especially if they don’t have a hectic social life and bugger all to talk about!
I fill all the requirements for the above type of guy(i’m English). If someone sends me an email then fine,i fly through a reply,no problem.But if someone’s sitting waiting for a mail from me…they’ll wait a long time!
Send your mails.Say exactly what you want to.The responses (if any) will tell you all you need to know about that person.Be open and honest and brave,life’s too short to waste on people who arn’t interested in you!

The best bet is not to sit around expecting things to happen.Make them happen!
Swedes are capable of carrying shopping and opening doors like the rest of us…you just need to yell at them and remind them sometimes,just like with the rest of the worlds guys!! :)

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Jessica

September 16th, 2010 at 10:00

Hmm, the burning question is: how many of them look like Alexander Skarsgard?? :-p As so many of the ladies who comment on this blog say that their Swedish men are good looking, on the Alexander scale, what do they look like?

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Lovedoctor

September 16th, 2010 at 10:58

@Dano – *me bows down to the head-on approach of Dano* Well written and well said!

@Jessica, now this is starting to get interesting. Girls getting worked up on how good looking swedes are ;) Carry on if you don’t mind! :DDD

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Jessica

September 16th, 2010 at 13:12

@ Lovedoctor I find this dreadful, no-one is posting pics ;-) There seems to be some Swedish craze at the moment! I started studying again at the tender age of 27 (in 2007) and have the oppertunity to study abroad at a university of my choice. I am just having a tough time making up my mind where to go – I really am interested in going to Sweden (that would probably mean Uppsala, but I am not sure yet) and I have read so many conflicting things on internet about the Swedish people. This blog gets quite positive responses, I had found another one but it was so negative about the Swedish people that if I had read it first instead of this one I would have abandoned the idea of ever going there!

@Dano You really crack me up!! I love the thought of you trotting around with your metal detector!! As you are living in Sweden – tell me, what do they think of the British sense of humour? I love it (being South African and all) and John Cleese is my hero, nuff said! I can be terribly sarcastic, but never nasty. I read somewhere (probably on this blog) that the Swedes tended to view sarcasm with suspicion and see it as something dishonest… Not wishing to cause offense, but does that not indicate the Swedes to have no sense of humour?? :-0 shocking thougt that :-P

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Lovedoctor

September 16th, 2010 at 13:32

@Jessica – That would be me stating that opinion on the view on sarchasm in Swedish society ;) We often go with irony instead of sarchasm I would say. So more subtle sarchasm passes us by quite easily. And not to speak of the the internet where you only see the words and not the person :)

I don’t know about the photographies, I think i’m already putting myself out too much than others on this blog ^^

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Jessica

September 16th, 2010 at 14:29

@ Lovedoctor: hmm, what do you mean by sarcasm exactly? I have googled irony (never know how to explain it properly) and it seems that we may mean the same thing when you talk about irony and I talk about sarcasm ;-)What do you (and most other Swedes) think of British humour?

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Lovedoctor

September 16th, 2010 at 17:48

British humour’s fantastic, although a little less subtler than swedish humour. British humour’s more… profane might be the right word? Thinking of it both types of humour can be equally good, we’ve just refined Irony the way Brits have refined Sarchasm ;D

I see many similarities in swedish and english humour, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it right now ;)

All I know is swedes can react strongly to sarchasm, two factors could play in: not having a refined sense of sarchasm, or having a proud disposition.

/Lovedoctor

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Lovedoctor

September 16th, 2010 at 17:51

- Irony is stating something which isn’t true just for the fun of it, “feigned ignorance” as wikipedia is putting it.

- Sarcasm* is more malicious and less neutral, it often uses feigned mocks and taunts.

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Jessica

September 16th, 2010 at 20:41

Yes – but I really am very funny in a sarcastic way ;-) I crack people up :-D anyway, thanks for all the help Love doctor! what do Swedes think of Uppsala and Stokholm – what would be your preference do you think?

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Lovedoctor

September 16th, 2010 at 22:19

You’ve made any Swedes crack up lately? ;) I don’t think you have, missy! So no matter how funny your sarcasm can be it can theoretically be offensive, just saying xD

Neither, I’d go to Lund if I’d wanted to visit a University town at all :P

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Dano

September 16th, 2010 at 23:55

@Jessica – Well hun,i’m British,so i tend to really like the British sense of humour! :P
The swedes have their own humour,but as someone once said “It’s humour Jess..but not as we know it!”
To be truthful,my humour gets me in a lot of trouble,usually with Americans.I’m a bit of an antagonist too,so sometimes i go looking for trouble,and it’s easy to find,lol.
I’m not the best person to be asking about Swedish social life as i’m a bit past all that stuff now.Apart from the curious folk i meet while detecting,and friends of the girlfriend,i don’t meet too many people. Ben..or “lovedoctor” as he seems to prefer now,is a young buck and will know more about it.Plus he’s Swedish too..so that probably helps!
I doubt English humour..the sarcastic stuff..will go down well here.The translation and then the Swedish tendency to get pissy if something is taken as “intrusive” doesn’t work with sarcastic humour. I am what i am..and they deal with me or they ignore me,it’s all the same to me!

As for Uni’s? As Ben said,Lund is a decent one,and as it’s in Skåne where me and Ben are usually living it’s the only one i’m remotely familiar with!

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Another girl

September 17th, 2010 at 06:06

@Dano – I really liked your comment to Jessica about dating swedish men. Blunt and well put.

@Lovedoctor – About humor, the swedish guy and I really get along and I love his sense of humor. It’s true what you said about swedish not being sarcastic and your definition of irony. I somehow get his humor and go with his flow. That’s probably one of the things that has got me the most – I always have a great time with him and I feel him at ease with me. Too bad I’m not into playing his weird game anymore :’(

@Jessica – I don’t know if this might help, but I noticed they like being teased. Not necessarily that they will respond right away to the teasing but you will probably make them laugh. Just don’t overdo it as they will start wondering if you’re getting serious or just having fun.

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Jessica

September 17th, 2010 at 10:10

@ Lovedoctor: You are the first Swede I have ‘spoken’ to, so unless I have cracked you up then no, I have never made a Swede laugh – yet ;-) and don’t you think I am funny?? :-0? lol! I just meant that here in Holland people think I have a good sense of humour, but they are very fond of the British sense of humour and can definitely appreciate sarcasm. But I am never offensive or rude, I do tease people or shock them sometimes with things I say but they always know that I do not mean to be nasty or offensive. I am a very well mannered girl ;-)Thanks for the tip about the uni, I just have to find out now whether my uni here in Groningen has contacts with the university of Lund. they do have contacts in Finland, Helsinki.

@ Dano: I do not find you blunt, I think you are to the point.. Thanks for the help! Btw, have you ever found anything whilst you were out detectoring? And I really like your sense of humour – you remind me of my brother, he is also rather antagonistic on the web and gets into a lot of scraps that way! What worries me is that during my 16 years in Holland I have become a bit too Dutch. They are really curious here and I first thought it very rude. I come from a place where you do not talk to strangers out of respect for their privacy. You only start talking to people once you have been introduced. However in holland, people will just start talking to others on the bus or waiting for a bus or in a waiting room etc. It is not considered rude here, people are just being friendly. I am worried that it would be considered rude or intrusive to the Swedish people… Anyway, I think I will just have to go with the flow and hope I do not have to flee from a crowd of angry metrosexual vikings ;-)(now that has me rolling on the floor laughing!!!)

@ Another girl: thanks for your input! These Scandinavians really have our curiousity piqued! I have read an interview with my favourite band, they are Finnish and one of the questions of the interview was: what is the most stupid question you have ever been asked during an interview? And the singer said that someone asked him how he was able to sing like he did, and he said I don’t know, how are you able to breathe the way you do! He said he knew what the person meant (it was actually a compliment to the singer) but he just said he thought it a stupid question…. So I am really curious how well I will be able to get on with them!

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Lovedoctor

September 17th, 2010 at 11:06

@Jessica – Teasing’s nice, as long as you keep it on a friendly level it’s often all right ;) Swedes can be unusually forgiving hehehe :D Tell me more about you, do you like drawing? And if I may I ask, how old are you? :)

The respect for privacy is very common here in Sweden as well and I can relate to feeling it’s rude, i’ve come to see it as more of a careless curiousity over the years ;P Swedes can also talk on the bus like the dutch but in a more limited kind of way. We are very friendly and it’s a stark contrast when we’re not very friendly.

/Lovedoctor

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Jessica

September 17th, 2010 at 12:43

Hehehe, yep I keep it friendly:-) Nice to know you are a forgiving people! I like drawing – I am not good at it at all. I do however, admire people that are talented in that area. And yes you may ask, I am 29, *blushes*. At the moment I am studying English language and Culture at the university of Groningen here in the north of The Netherlands. What about you?

And yes, if you are not used to it, it can come across as rude. Like you say, it seems a careless ciriousity. In Holland it is like they are trying to see where you fit in exactly. I am glad to read that you Swedes are a friendly bunch, but what are you like when you are not friendly, as you say it is a stark contrast to you being friendly??

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Lovedoctor

September 17th, 2010 at 13:48

@Jessica, I like drawing :) It’s one of my few select hobbies actually :D And because of my talent i’ve been hired as a graphical designer without any education. 8 years older, what a gap :) I’m currently living in Malmö having a full time deskjob at a computer company. Although, i’m thinking about taking up studies next summer ;)

Being friendly, Swedes are or can be very proud. It’s the pride which gets us reacting strongly I think. Or it could just be me.

/Lovedoctor

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Jessica

September 17th, 2010 at 14:53

@ Lovedoctor: Wow – that is really something that you are able to work in that field at such a young age, you must be good ;-) Lol – yes, my baby brother is just a little younger than you :-) I had stopped studying for a long time and was working and in 2007 decided to get a degree. I have been studying ever since and have had the time of my life – definitely no regrets about going back to school. I have another 2.5 years and I will be done and on the look out for a kick ass job :-D Really looking forward to that.

So how do you guys react when your pride has been hurt or you feel insulted?

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Lovedoctor

September 17th, 2010 at 15:44

@Jessica – About pride; Some shout at you, others keep it in until they some time later explode for no reason. It’s pretty much the usual, but you rarely see guys fighting unless they’ve had a couple of bottles. It’s just not usual in Swedish society to fight sober.

Swedish girls go for about a third of the fights I think, same here that they don’t fight sober. I don’t know whether it’s a recent development that women fight that much or if it’s more historical. People get out during the weekends looking forward to a healthy amount of booze and a good fight.

My baby sister’s a few years younger than me as well :P Right after school I started studying Physical Planning but realized, 1,5 years in, that it limited me more than helped me. So somewhere this last winter I bailed and moved down to Malmö where I pretty swiftly got some invitations for job interviews through the employment office.

Later on, my current employer convinced me to join the company, he had a big sum of cash in capital behind him, and I went for it :) Now I’m in an ambitious business project to create a highly competitive webshop :) Check it out if you want to, Jessica; it’s http://www.sporttrend.se set together by a colleague using the graphic elements and ideas I made :) Perhaps I could show you my portfolio some time…

/Lovedoctor

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Jessica

September 17th, 2010 at 19:45

@ Lovedoctor: yeah – I think it is in your heritage to fight whilst drunk ;-) Weird vikings :-P Quite shocking that the girls fight too – but then I have been given to understand that in Sweden equal rights is taken very seriously :-D I did have to laugh about the Swedish people shouting at you if you incidentally piss them off :-D My stay there would most definitely be memorable!

It is very difficult to try and find out what it is that you would like to do for a living for the rest of your life. It is good to take some time out and orientate yourself. I was working in insurance for years and then decided to study English – talk about a change!

Website looks nice – what bits are yours in particular? Sure, bring on your portfolio! You must be really proud to see your stuff on the web like that!

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Lovedoctor

September 17th, 2010 at 20:44

I designed the logo and the background specifically. I’m a bit apprehensive about showing the portfolio here though :) Some have already seen it as my anonymity isn’t as strong as with the others on this blog. I keep bumping into people on Facebook who “know me” from here.

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Jessica

September 18th, 2010 at 06:45

Oh, I had no idea how you were going to show your portfolio, I assumed you had a digital portfolio on the web, like deviant art or something… And yes, the small world has got a lot smaller with internet! Although this is the first blog I have ever replied to..

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Lovedoctor

September 18th, 2010 at 14:50

There, I put up my image :P It could be my swedish reservedness which makes me feel a little paranoid. I don’t want people to connect what i’m writing here with my facebook. As I’m really deeply delving into Swedish male, and my own, psychology. And giving people that knowledge, that advantage, can be hazardous sometimes. Of course, writing this, putting myself out from the beginning was generally risky already.

All right, sure I’ll show it to you Jessica :) I think it can be accessed if you click on my name.

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Jessica

September 20th, 2010 at 17:47

@ Love doctor: I see you have taken your image back doen again – that Swedish reservedness ;-) I took a look at the link you posted and your stuff looks good, although quite modern for my personal taste. My little cousin also has a deviant art profile, she seems to mainly draw Anime/ Manga styled stuff. Anyway – it is really good to be able to be working in a field that is closely related to your hobby – then it hardly feels like work!!

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Lovedoctor

September 20th, 2010 at 17:54

@Jessica – I completely missed your post haha; You should go way back to my first real pencil drawings then, way more traditional :D True, I often wonder whether i’m working cause i’m having so much fun hahaha! :) Looking at her works would definately be interesting, Jessica.

Until next time,

/Lovedoctor

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Lovedoctor

September 20th, 2010 at 17:58

I forgot to ask how it’s going! How’s the weather, is it getting chillier where you live? :)

And, I decided to leave the image up.

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Jessica

September 20th, 2010 at 19:10

@ Love doctor: things are going ok, tons of work to do though this semester, but I like to be kept busy. How are things over there? It is really getting cold here, I live in Friesland, right up in the north of The Netherlands. A couple of weeks ago the weather went from bloody hot to autumn, i.e. lots of rain, no clouds and the leaves started turning yellow. Is it cold over there in Sweden yet?

Anyhoo, I will have another look at your profile and check out your pencil drawings ;-) My cousins nickname on deviant art is green tomatoes – hope you can find it!

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Lovedoctor

September 20th, 2010 at 19:49

@Jessica – Evening :) During the evenings i often do freelance project work for freelance project out on the net. I’m miserable if I’m not doing anything, likewise. It’s getting really, really cold in the southern parts where I’m living. We’ve already got the first leaves dropping, very unusual for the first half of September.

Have fun, i’ve heard my pencil drawings often are appreciated :) I’ll check out your cousin’s deviantaccount, as well :)

/Lovedoctor

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Dano

September 20th, 2010 at 23:52

Howling winds and lots of rain in Skåne…where me and him are.Horrible miserable weather..no detecting! :(

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Jessica

September 21st, 2010 at 07:46

@ Dano – oh noes – poor you!!! As you probably know, Holland is flat (which is a gigantic understatement ;-)) so when it gets windy, it gets really windy!! And today there is no rain!!! The thing about Holland and rain is that when it starts it takes three weeks to stop – and that is not an exaggeration! I hope the weather sorts itself out soon so you can get back to detecting! You still haven’t answered my earlier question though, have you ever found anything exciting whilst out detecting?

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Francesca

September 21st, 2010 at 12:20

ahah cool topic!

I’m an italian girl new to Stockholm, and I’m totally in love with these swedish guys. They are handsome, quite and soooo sweet. So many boys around and so little time to meet them!

I would like to know some swedish guy in a more quite enviroments than bar or clubs tough. Since I’m an exchange student it is quite difficult, I live in a dorm with no swedes and also my class mates are foreigners. I don’t speak any swedish so it might be difficult to join some sport or specific club.
Any advice would be welcome!

Here in sweden I had to develop an approach technique, in Italy this wasn’t needed. In clubs I just give looks to guys and if it doesn’t work I go there and just talk to them with some questions that a foreigner could want to ask. It is working quite well, so I’m wondering: since in Sweden boys do actually call back when they got your number even if they were totally drunk… How to answer to someone that seemed interesting under the effect of beer but that you don’t want to meet the day after?
Is there some etiquette about this? :D

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Jessica

September 21st, 2010 at 21:30

@ Love doctor: I have looked at your pen/ pencil (?) drawings – they are really good!! I couldn’t draw a tree to save my life! They almost look like they are coming off the page… How long have you been drawing?

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Lovedoctor

September 21st, 2010 at 22:34

@Jessica – Before those i’d been drawing for about half a year. It happened when I had some sort of breakthrough with the “Flibba” drawing and from then on I went with the style.

Trees just spring out when i’ve got nothing to draw, they’re so friggin random xD

I’ve been drawing for about 5-6 years off and on

@Francesca – Welcome to the blog, Italiana :) It’s kind of a mixed response, taking it from the Swedish girls’ pov, some enjoy it and some don’t. What you should do is not make up appointments when the guy’s drunk but instead have a good time talking to him and get him interested in you. Then afterwards call him back when he’s sober.

And there’s another guy nodding in approval, we tend to get visits from friends every evening these days ;)

/Lovedoctor

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Jessica

September 22nd, 2010 at 09:51

@ Love Doctor: trees I draw tend to look like giant lollipops! Anyway – well done once again ;-)

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Dano

September 22nd, 2010 at 10:28

@Jessica – Apologies.I did mean to answer your original request but got sidetracked.
I always find something “exciting” when out detecting.Usually a Swedish hottie in a very small bikini or swimming topless and wondering how to get out without passing the strange guy with the detector who’s been in the same spot for an hour! lol.
Actually,many will just strip naked in front of me to change into beachwear etc.It’s like i’m a piece of washed up seaweed or some shit! If i were 20 years younger….sigh! :)

It all depends on your idea of “exciting”?
Detecting here is limited to the beaches because “inland” it’s illegal,and inland is where all the good old viking stuff is! So i’d say “no..not much exciting”.
I find all the usual “beach loss” kind of things.Cash(coins),costume or fake jewellry,earrings/studs,keys,sunglasses,watches,a cell phone now and then etc.
My main targets are gold and silver rings,necklaces and bracelets.Found a few this year but most get lost while swimming and my permit doesn’t allow me in the water!! Still debating whether to do it anyway as viking/ancient treasures are unlikely to have been stashed in ankle to chest deep water.I just want the modern goodies! :)

Not really managed a great many sessions this year,but have dug about 2500 kr in coins (that’s a LOT of coins and digging lol) A couple of mens gold wedding bands,2 ladies engagement rings,couple of watches (all broke)..and around a quarter of a tonne of beach crap – pulltabs,ice cream wrappers,nails,knives,metal pegs for holding umbrellas down….crap!
It’s not ALL glamorous!!

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Lovedoctor

September 22nd, 2010 at 12:14

@Dano – Holy fudge, that sounds damn well exciting to me! But you must be going out because you enjoy it, no? And i’m pondering whether it’s only for the chicks in bikinis :P

Have you ever found some ancient viking treasures while out on the beach? And yeah I agree they can be a b*tch about viking remnants, cause if you find some archeological booty you often have to give it away to some museum or you’re commiting a crime, feh!

@Jessica – Are you complimenting me, or my art; cause a guy likes compliments you know ;)

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Jessica

September 22nd, 2010 at 14:36

@ Dano: wow – that does sound like fun! They were re-building a parking garage near where I live the other day and found a whole lot of Roman artifacts. They had to stop the work and get in a team of archaeologists, it was realyl interesting. Is it possible to get a permit to go inland wit your detector, or do you have to be a qualified person to do that? And I suppose those chicks in bikini’s are an added bonus ;-)

@ Love Doctor: yep, pretty sure it was a compliment – to you for being able to draw so well!

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Dano

September 22nd, 2010 at 17:10

@LD – yeah Ben i really enjoy the hobby.Apart from never knowing just what you’re about to dig up,the exercise is good,the fresh air is good,it pays better than playing video games,and of course the views can be spectacular! ;)
You see mate,most detectorists have very little monetary interest in the hobby.Of course we all dream of finding that big hoard of gold coins and stuff,but we can get as much pleasure from finding an 1850 2 öre. It’s all about having the feeling of being the first person in “x” hundred years to hold that coin/item in your hand!
I have little interest in keeping and trying to sell any “treasure” i’d be lucky enough to dig up. To me it’d be Swedish history and belongs to the Swedish people,and i have no prob’s handing it over to a museum as long as i’m compensated for it.
In the UK all finds over 300 years old or any gold and silver of 2 or more pieces from the same site, HAS to be declared. If after an inquiry a museum wants to buy the find then they have to offer the finder the full value of the find. By (prior)written agreements (usually), the finder then splits the payment 50/50 with the owner of the land it was found on.
This ensures that the big finds..the “hoards”,go to the right people and not onto Ebay!
The UK also has a “finds database”, where any item of historical interest is submitted and recorded and more importantly to us finders..identified.

In Sweden you can get a permit to detect but the moment you find ANYTHING and declare it..they revoke your permit and mark the place of as “of historical interest” and ban anyone going there again!
This is a sitemap.Zoom in close enough and you’ll see lots of runic “R”‘s in black circles.These are designated “historic sites” where an item/items have been found.The shaded blue areas are the “out of bounds” regions for 1 or more “R”s.
Try it around just Malmö…then tell me museums and archeologists could EVER cover that much land finding items!

http://www.fmis.raa.se/cocoon/fornsok/search.html

The UK has a massive finds count and millions worth of ancient treasures have been found and are now on show in museums for the people to see our history.
Sweden misses out on ALL this by banning detecting.It’s a crying shame!!!
(Sorry for the rant lol.)

@Jessica – The above probably answers your questions also.lol.

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Jessica

September 22nd, 2010 at 18:12

Hey Dano!

As ‘Lovedoctor’ said earlier, that really sounds interesting. I had no idea about the laws concerning detectoring, so thanks for that insightful explanation. I really can relate to what you said about being the first one to hold a coin in your hand for the first time in hundreds of years! It really is a shame that the Swedish government handles detectoring like that, imagine what a wealth of history and knowledge is being wasted like that. I really am looking forward to my semester in Scandinavia and visiting the museums there – history is so interesting!

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Ana

September 26th, 2010 at 07:24

Hello everyone!

I’ve been following this site for awhile and I really enjoy it. Now I have the guts to ask my question. I’m an American with numerous questions about the Swedish male I know. We met on a popular site and started talking. We advanced to email and IM’s. We’ve never talked on the phone or texted. He seems averse to the idea. Now he only wants to talk on a weekend night and he is always tipsy or full out drunk. He’s not like the typical Swede. He’s not shy, and is quite vocal and opinionated. When drinking he’s more flirty but never overt and I don’t know what is going on with us. We refer to each other as friends, but honestly I really like him for more although we are as different as night and day. Now it seems we only really “talk” on these drunken nights when we (mostly he) contemplates the meaning of life. He has also said that he tells and reveals things to me that his friends and others don’t know about him. Now a week or two will pass without contact and just as I am over him he pops up and we start all over again. He’s making me crazy! Am I only a sounding board when he’s drunk and lonely with nothing to do or no one better to do it with? I’m tired of waiting for the weekends. Any advice anyone…?

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Francesca

September 26th, 2010 at 15:23

@ Love doctor: thank you for the welcome :)
I’d really like to meet some guy when he’s sober ahaha but that’s the problem, I really don’t know how to do it, maybe I should join some sport?

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Dano

September 26th, 2010 at 20:12

Never trust a drunk guy who doesn’t push for sex!!!

Truthfully,if a guy’s a regular “home drunk” and spends it on the net,then he’s going to be a BIG problem in real life!
Move on!

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clotilde

September 27th, 2010 at 02:24

@Ana – that is all too familiar! Why are they like that really. I try to move on as well but it’s quite tough innit? :(

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Lovedoctor

September 27th, 2010 at 08:11

@Ana – “Am I only a sounding board when he’s drunk and lonely with nothing to do or no one better to do it with?”

That’s the one, get over him and get used to it. Move on, as Dano said. He definately sounds like a lady’s man, though to be fair he could very well have been honest with telling you things he’s never told anyone else before, and you should consider that it’s easier to tell things no one knows to a stranger, it’s also over the net so it’s even easier to distance yourself.

/Lovedoctor

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Emilie

September 27th, 2010 at 22:17

Hej all! So the Lovedoctor returns ;-P
I am very happy with my Englishman lol however I have had a little FB contact with that half-Swede but nothing to speak off, only in passing and joking about his work… But I found out his friends are all heavy drinkers and that explains a lot to me as it seemed he disregarded me when he found out I didn’t drink! Ah well his loss ;-) like I say, I am very happy now and I can play my own pain-free game with him now as I am in love with another! Hehehe!

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Estrella

September 27th, 2010 at 23:40

Hejhej!
I’m also quite new in Sweden and I was told by everyone to not expect swedish guys to pay for dinner or to be chivalrous.
But yesterday I went to cinema with a friend, he insisted to pay for everyting (cinema, dinner) and than he accompained me home even tough he lives in the opposite part of the city.
Was he trying to hit on me or was he just being friendly?
What do you think? :D

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DeepSoul

September 28th, 2010 at 03:16

@Ana….Please e-mail me. I have a lot to talk with you about on this matter! Orchid_Eyes@hotmail.com I will definitely respond!

To everybody else, hope you are having a good week! :) Cheers!

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Dano

September 28th, 2010 at 10:37

Hi Deepsoul :)

@Estrella – I’m pretty sure some Swedish men have worked out that being chivalrous..especially to foriegn women can be a good plan!
Depends on the guys status really.If he’s the “executive” type? Then he’ll be well used to all that paying out stuff,and it’ll be natural.
If he’s an “electrician” or manual worker or something?..then he probably wanted a coffee at your place and a game of “hide the sausage”!
It’s too easy to read blogs like this and take our observations and generalizations as “law”. Contrary to popular belief,some men have a little intelligence and will strive to learn what makes a woman “tick” etc. Once perfected..he has a distinct advantage over other guys who need 18 pints of weak beer to come and say “hi”!
Many are the sheep…but ocassionally you come across the odd wolf! ;)

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Estrella

September 28th, 2010 at 22:13

Hello Dano! Cool to see someone that like metal detecting, I love it too :P

Well, of course stereotypes stop working when you take individuals, but chitchatting is always fun!
He is a manual worker.. But I don’t know I’m always speaking to him about guys I like so he knows that I like someone else…
Well, let’s see.

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Lovedoctor

September 28th, 2010 at 22:37

Chivalry, hehe.. *googles* ;)

Honestly, I do it even when I’m not hitting on girls so that’s poppycock. It’s just that some girls don’t want to be “courted” and see it as belittling, and there’s a general resistance against that among womenfolk.

Nice to see you dropped by, DeepSoul! :)

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Jessica

September 28th, 2010 at 22:42

and there’s a general resistance against that among womenfolk.

I think this is amongst the Swedish women?? I am glad to read that you do it, even when not hitting on women! You have just restored my faith in Swedish men :-D :-D

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Dano

September 28th, 2010 at 23:33

@Estrella – Always nice to meet a lady detectorist. :)

Just remember it’s illegal here,except on the beach with permits! :(

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Lovedoctor

September 29th, 2010 at 21:47

I suppose it is, Jessica, and I’m glad your faith has been restored, we’re not that bad you know :)

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Lovedoctor

September 29th, 2010 at 21:55

or… well, not all of us are that bad :P

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Ana

September 30th, 2010 at 07:14

Hello All!
First off I want to say “Thanks” to Dano, Lovedoctor, Deep Soul and Clotilde for your time and advice. I think in my heart I knew what the truth was and what I should do but I wanted an unbiased opinion before giving up. No one likes a quitter! LOL.
However, in reference to Dano’s comment- I thought that his not pushing for sex was a good sign in his favor but since we’re like 4,000 miles apart I guess his asking was pointless anyway.
Also Lovedoctor- you have amazing insight for someone who looks so young. I think I’ll go with the distance idea b/c I just don’t see him as a “ladies man”. Although I can’t rule out that he’s a “player”. I don’t know what he is except maybe cruel.
DeepSoul- I appreciate your humor and help. Your stories alone crack me up and you seem like a really nice and caring person.
Clotilde- and Yes! it is tough but we should move on and persevere. Good things come to those who wait.
Wish me good luck this weekend b/c it’s going to be long and unpleasant:(

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Dano

September 30th, 2010 at 09:08

4000 miles apart is nothing on the “net”!

My reply was based on my online experiences over the years where all people seem to need is a webcam/microphone..and all their articles fall off!

It’s very popular.More so with drunk people..which is why i mentioned it! :)

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Jessica

September 30th, 2010 at 09:15

@ Lovedoctor: busy sorting out which uni I am going to for my studies abroad. Really looking forward to coming to Sweden, I have been reading a lot about it on the web and have heard such conflicting stories that I cannot wait to make up my own mind.

@ Dano: dear lord!! Isn’t a bit too early to be talking about masturbation :-O Don’t know what it is, but your posts just seem to stand out ;-)

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Dano

September 30th, 2010 at 15:34

It’s not the only thing that stands out when i talk about….ok OK,i’ll stop now! lol.
(You do walk into these things don’t you?) :P

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Lovedoctor

September 30th, 2010 at 20:26

@Dano – Always the charmer xD

@Jessica – Perfect, you’re all set ;) Does that mean you’re staying at a campus? I hope your stay’s going to be fantastic!

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Gaty

September 30th, 2010 at 21:25

Hola everybody!

I´ve read most of the posts here, some of them had made me laugh as crazy.
Well, my story with this swede is long. We´ve exchanged emails 3 years ago. I always asked myself why we had called me just once but he´s so fast for replying my text messages. He is always so sweet , flirty and said the “jag elseker dig” phrase once to me.
I am mexican and live in Mexico, I´ve earned some money for travelling to stockholm and meet him, I want to travel next december (during the christmas holidays) but he hasn´t replied whether he will be at the city (travel a lot to Japan for bussiness) and I´m going crazy that he´s taking that long to reply. I don´t wanna be pushy so when we talk we talk about some other things, but this is getting to my nerves…I don´t know what to expect, and as you can see my message is all baffled.

Sweden is a country that I never expect to like the way I do know, I´m falling in love with your culture guys, so I really want to go now (despite my swede´s is in town or not). Where can I meet swedish people online?

I really appreciate your feedback and help.

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Jessica

September 30th, 2010 at 21:40

@ Dano – you are an evil villain!! You cannot make a sexual innuendo from that! Walk into these things indeed…….

@ Lovedoctor – My faculty doesn’t have contacts with the English department in Sweden, so I hope I can organise something with another faculty to go to Sweden. I am not sure where I will stay, probably with the rest of the students, I do not know if they stay at the campus or whatever… The other choice is Finland, but my first choice is Sweden :-)In a couple of days time they will have an open day about the stay abroad, so I am starting to get really excited! And thanks – I hope the stay will be fantastic too!

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Lovedoctor

October 2nd, 2010 at 16:22

@Jessica – Oh heck no, Finland’s just forests and moonshine from my fully objective stance :P Sounds like you haven’t gotten your acommodations set yet? Good, people tend to be needing those open days on Sweden for some reason :) I’m not sure what else I can tell you to prepare you for the visit, though Sweden’s been called one of the most Americanized countries so that might be some comfort, hehe.

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Jessica

October 3rd, 2010 at 15:06

@ Lovedoctor: Hehehe, love your reaction about Finland :-D But if I go to Finland, it will be Helsinki. Not too many forests there, I think. As far as the stay abroad and accommodation go, that only takes place next year this time. Right now I am busy orientating myself more on where I want to go and why. The open day is not necessarily to inform you about the country you wish to go to, but more on how the trip is organised, financed and what is expected from you. I just want to get myself organised and know what to expect from the country I may be going to and see if I want to. Six months is along time if you get stuck in a sucky country ;-) Although I can be quite spontaneous, I think this is a decision that needs some serious thinking about :-D

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Jessica

October 3rd, 2010 at 15:59

Joined this site the other day and found this – cracked me up!! Hope you guys find it funny! And can any of the Swedes that comment on this blog give feedback on this? how true it is etc :-P

http://www.communityofsweden.com/Pages/Stories/Story.aspx?storyId=239

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Dano

October 3rd, 2010 at 19:29

She writes like i expect i’ll sound here in 2 years when i’ve learnt Swedish! lol.

There’s a lot of truths,falses and tongue in cheek humour in her post.As i’ve said before,it’s all “generalization”.Reading the comments always gets the “my swede’s not like that!” reactions.It’s like saying all Americans are fat,carry guns and are surprised when they leave America and discover there really IS a whole world out there! It’s not reality.(only 98% of Americans are really like that! lol :P )

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Lovedoctor

October 4th, 2010 at 22:22

I laughed throughout the post, the day we get a guy like that in Sweden is the day we get a visit from a german x’D *snrrk!*

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clotilde

October 5th, 2010 at 01:14

Lovedoctor – you have the come-hither look on your avatar huh?

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clotilde

October 5th, 2010 at 01:16

ugh I accidentally pressed send after the above comment..
Anyway, the link Jessica posted is hilarious! haha! :D

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Lovedoctor

October 5th, 2010 at 08:40

@clotilde – I am single and still looking ;) So yeah, the come hither look is just what it is!

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Dano

October 5th, 2010 at 09:09

I see it as more his “Scream II” look! :P

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Lovedoctor

October 5th, 2010 at 10:13

tbh, I was really tired and got interested in how much I’d changed since I moved to my current apartment. Seems sleep deprivation and boredom is a dangerous mix ;)

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Emilie

October 5th, 2010 at 23:01

I think The Lovedoctor looks good in his new pic. In fact I think he should apply to be a model. I can imagine just how much he will thank me for this post… ;-) P.S. Had a relapse and messaged the no-reply Swede about why he took me off his FB. SO now I wait out the continuous lack of reply once more… will I never learn??? Well he was encouraging me… again. Will I never learn??? Will I? Never? :-D

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clotilde

October 6th, 2010 at 04:24

Emilie – Yeah, Lovedoctor looks good :) I think the girls will line up more so, be ready, Ben. heehee.
Also Emilie… ah, you buckled :P , but I suppose It’s hard to learn sometimes. I’d be nervous awaiting for his answer if I were you!

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somegirl

October 6th, 2010 at 05:33

Okay, I’ve been reading this blog off and on for about a year now and that’s about how long I’ve been ‘talking’ with a Swede. He is just the most beautiful thing on this earth I swear and the way he communicates gets me every time(everything he says is just so sweet).. anyway. I send him packages now and again full of creative things I make and sweet letters and he really enjoys that. We also exchange e-mails now and again but the communication is sporadic and isn’t’ really romantic, it’s more of a ‘there is someone in another country who cares for you’ sort of thing, but not an ‘i want to be with you romantically’, sort of thing(if that makes sense.) I guess my question is if he wanted it to be a romantic exchange he would have said something by now yes? From every thing I’ve read here and other sources I feel I should let him have control of the reigns but at the same time I want him to know how I feel. We aren’t in any sort of relationship but would it be a bad idea for me to tell him that I would be interested in more? I was supposed to meet him this summer but my plans fell through :( I don’t want to ruin whatever it is I have with him so I’m pretty hesitant to change the tone of my communication. I’m known to lay it on a little thick when I really feel strongly about someone but I’ve been very good about that thus far because I really don’t want to mess this up.

Also I’m African-American but I doubt that has anything to do with the way things are going.

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Jessica

October 6th, 2010 at 08:26

@ Lovedoctor – you disagree with what was written in the article? It was written by a Swedish girl…

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Lovedoctor

October 6th, 2010 at 09:42

@Jessica – Read Dano’s post, Jessica ;) I fully agree that it’s full of tongue in cheek humour and sarcasm which plays with the Swedish stereotype. I was laughing at how much it resembled the German stereotype here in Sweden :P

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Jessica

October 6th, 2010 at 12:30

@ Lovedoctor – while I fully agree with what Dano posted, I wasn’t sure what you meant with your comment and the Germans. It is clear now! Love stereotypes though, esp when you find out how wrong or right some of them are :-P

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Lovedoctor

October 6th, 2010 at 13:08

@Emilie – Oh and I saw you all right! Mrr, I hope you receive many spankings from your boyfriend :P

@Jessica – I love finding out how true the stereotypes are, I’m shamelessly interested in other cultures x) (be they national or domestic)

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clotilde

October 6th, 2010 at 22:28

somegirl – Out of all things shared here.. what you said is just eerily similar with mine. From those packages, letters and emails, sporadic communication etc. (My) Swede becomes flirtatious at times, but nothing too flirtatious that I’d jump to conclusions that he likes me. I’ve told him several times that I do find him very pretty and that he has an awesome personality so he shouldn’t self deprecate (which we are both guilty of) but I don’t think he gets it as something beyond me being just friendly. and like you I don’t want to ruin our friendship by telling him I like him. In fact, I’m a bit of a fool, I even encourage him to ask girls out (maybe cause for me, anything beyond friendship seems impossible.. so I’m just trying to be a really good friend. even if it hurts me) I think I’m scared of telling him then being rejected and lose his friendship. I’d rather keep the friendship. I hope yours turn out better, because for me at this point, I’ve accepted that I’m just going to be smitten for a long long time, and I don’t have time for silly antics (cause he disappears for sometime and just pops up whenever HE wants to talk, I can’t just wait forever!). Anyway, I think I’d like to know the answer to your question too!

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Lovedoctor

October 7th, 2010 at 14:13

@some girl – Sounds very complicated, but basically yes. If he’d wanted to be with you romantically he would’ve said it. And it could have to do with the massive distance. Though you haven’t said you want to be in a romantical relation either, perhaps the first step is you telling him; why not?

If he’d say no he would probably try to bury the awkwardness, but it would still be a no from your side which would affect your relation.

You either bite the sour apple(swedish saying) and tell him or start looking for someone new to divert your attention. Or who knows, you may get over him while you talk without any awkwardness and you continue to be great friends.

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Emilie

October 7th, 2010 at 17:29

@ somegirl hey these are difficult situations our Swedes get us into! Hmm they hook a girl and then they go no further it seems. Weird. If you look back through the blog you will see the situation I was in. Wel I don’t know if it’s any different! Basically I texted him at work saying (in a jokey manner) that I was missing my boyfriend and I may marry him and then I said well, you had your chance haha. He never texts me any more but then I put on the work FB page a question about “how important is marriage in this day and age?” To my surprise he replied to it saying “not really but love is :)” (!) So there I am again thinking ahh he’s so lovely and is he trying to tell me something… hooked in all over again even though I love my partner! How do they do this stuff?? Or do we let them? Hmm there’s a thought. Maybe it’s just a game people are playing out? But you know eventually I stopped wanting to be left hanging on and looked for someone who could give me the security I needed. Life is short and I am not wasting my precious time any more :-)

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somegirl

October 7th, 2010 at 18:29

@Lovedoctor.. yes you’re right. I’ve known for some time now that I should just get it over with and find out either way. Even if he was interested in a romantic relationship it would be very difficult.. I was in a long distance relationship where I was dating someone who lived 100 miles away and even that was tough.. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like dating someone in another country. But, I guess I need to do it.. bite that apple as you say and if things go sour I will have not really lost anything. I know he does appreciate me as a friend and support, and that wouldn’t change.

@Emilie.. I just don’t get it at all! Is it because they’re Swedish that we fall so hard? I mean, I don’t imagine Swedish girls going all gaga crazy over Swedish men because they’re used to their ways? All I know is out of any man I’ve ever dated or been in love with or remotely interested in.. this Swede has my heart in the tightest grasp of them all. And the thing is.. he hasn’t said anything too romantic or along the lines of wanting to be with me. It’s just the way he phrases things.. sweet little nuances.. I just don’t know. It’s all so silly and I don’t really feel like I’m wasting my time too much because if another prospect came along in my area I would go for it. The thing is, these American guys just don’t cut it against the Swedes. Men of Sweden, come to America and teach these sorry excuse for men some lessons!

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Emilie

October 7th, 2010 at 22:02

@somegirl… yeah well I have to say I think maybe the Swedish guy us so used to the woman taking the lead that they don’t know what to do when they meet one that doesn’t immascualte them! Yes he is very sweet but you know what, I want a man and his sweetness was nothing without the confidence to take it further. Besides I am now very in love and my man knows how to respond to my attentions! I wasted my time and energies on that guy who really didn’t bother to find out what a good thing he could have had. So his loss. :-)

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Lovedoctor

October 9th, 2010 at 13:42

@some_girl & Emelie – I’m beginning to think there’s some way we Swedish men put things which, with foreign women, make it seem like we mean something at a much deeper level. I think that much influence can easily scare off the unprepared. I think the pedestal you put us on scares us off and not the fact that we’re not men enough to lead a normal relationship with an exotic Minx ;)

Dare calling me not man enough, pfeh! :P

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Ana

October 9th, 2010 at 18:59

Wow- dating is difficult and trying to date or decipher a Swede- even more difficult!
Emilie- good for you. Sorry it didn’t work out but you moved on and I’m sure the loss is his! As far as FB and social nw sites- I say delete them, block them, unfriend them- whatever it takes to get them off your mind and you off their radar. Some people can be friends and if that’s possible then do so. In my case, my friend was more of a frenemy and seeing him and his posts a constant reminder of my turmoil. Sometimes you need a clean break. Some might call it running or hiding but I call it self preservation.

Somegirl & Clotilde- I say take a chance and let your feelings be known if you’ve known them for 6 months or more. Rejection is a terrible feeling that subsides with time but regret over what might could have been is a feeling that festers and grows worse with time’s passing. Just my humble opinion. After all it is possible to remain friends and no one ever has enough friends! I wish everyone good luck! But I wouldn’t send anymore gifts unless that was being reciprocated.

Lovedoctor- you were right. He was a lady’s man or at least a player. Still shocked over that one. He was cute, but not- OMG Hot! I liked him b/c of other reasons. Anyway, I caught him in a lie (he didn’t know it though, I kept quiet) and then he started playing mind games. So I decided to end it abruptly without an explanation. His loss.
You & Dano are really good. Thanks for the insight you guys.

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Ben

October 9th, 2010 at 19:42

Could I ask you what the lie you uncovered was, more for curiousity’s sake? :D

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Ana

October 10th, 2010 at 07:14

Of course Ben- actually you can have the whole story if you want to hear it. It’s kind of interesting (I think orchid eyes has enjoyed it) actually. However, since he is familiar with this site and my email address I’ll have to get a new email address and I’ll post it for you ASAP.

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Ana

October 10th, 2010 at 07:57

@Ben- the address is geminitwins4win at hotmail dot com. Have a great Sunday everyone!

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Emilie

October 10th, 2010 at 10:37

@ Ben (where has my Lovedovtor gone to :-D) well I have known the Swedish male to come on quite flirty and friendly! If a guy pays a woman that kind of attention it is only natural (in my country at least) to assume that he is paying her that attention for a reason… and as a result most women respond to that by thinking he wants to date her. How could she see it any other way? My half-Swede was very full on with his replies to me when we first got texting and replied regularly. I have concluded he wanted a fling and it was quite clear I was not that kinda gal! So maybe this is where potential relationships fall down, as it seems to me that it is perfectly acceptable to fling here there and everywhere in Sweden. Perhaps it happens here too but generally not with women of a certain age :-) thankfully! That type of thing seems empty to me nowadays.

@ Ana – thank you for the suggestion. I guess we are kind of friends now but there is always that underlying attraction that has never been acted upon, which makes it difficult at times. I just adore his work and I don;t see why I should miss out on that because of missing out on any other possibility. So it is OK for now I guess. I was feeling alone and vulnerable before. But watch this space as things can change lol! I shall however try not to let them :-)

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Lovedoctor

October 10th, 2010 at 17:35

Sure Ana, I’ll wait :)

@Emilie – Sure it’s the coming-on-too-strongly-thing but there is a even deeper thing which I can peek at, and I think it’s mainly in the way which we put things which you touched on before.

Can we get more accounts this, perhaps?

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rose

October 10th, 2010 at 22:07

Hi, I started dating with a swedish guy for 2weeks. I only met him twice.
When I meet him he stares my eyes so sweet I feel falling in love. He does a lot of sweet compliments also. But when we re not meeting he feels so cold. He does his work and if he has spare time he replies my sms. It takes forever to get reply. He’s not the only busy one! I think he played with me. Now I’m just mad. Because the reason is ….

-he never calls me, I called him twice, never works! he only text me after it
-He does compliments so easily to me, and so cold when we re not meeting.

- Do swedish guys player? How can he say that romantic words to me, and
make me falling love so fast. and now I’m depressed cuz I think he played with me. I’m just the one he calls me when he feel like hanging out.

I hate him! But still I can’t forget about him. so hard… I never had this hard problem in relationship. Actually I dont even know if it is relationship.

maybe he’s just thinking me as a date mate.

please give me advice! PLZ

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somegirl

October 11th, 2010 at 02:05

@Lovedoctor, I think that’s exactly it. The phrasing of the simplest statements makes a huge difference, I’ve thought that before.. that he really isn’t saying anything special but it’s hard not to think perhaps just maybe he is because of the sweet way what he’s saying is phrased. I guess you guys don’t really know you’re doing it if that’s the normal way in which you correspond.

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Eve

October 11th, 2010 at 03:24

I am amazed that this thread is still going to this date! It has been lovely reading about so many romantic stories and confusions involving the elusive swede. Sigh, alas I think my story has ended today. I met him in a bar while I was travelling around stockholm. He gave the look, my friend pulled him in and we hit it off and chatted straight for hours. I kept waiting for him to ask for my number but he never did, so finally we decided to leave. It was then that he said that he wanted to come back with me. I hadn’t discovered this blog yet so I didn’t know that that was the normal way of swedish dating, but I didn’t want to have a one-night-stand, so I said no, and he was so upset over that that he didn’t even want to talk to me after I found him on facebook! Sad story.

I guess my question is, is sleeping with the guy on the first date the only way to progress a relationship with a swede?

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Eve

October 11th, 2010 at 06:02

And also, is there anything I can do to make things better?
Sigh! He just removed me as a friend. I feel terrible! :(

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Ben

October 11th, 2010 at 06:49

@Eve – Right, agreeing to do it just for the sake of satiating his needs is such a great start for a relationship…

There are always dead ends when dating, and I think this is one of them. I don’t know how you acted when at the scene, sadly I think you hurt his ego and the only way to do anything would be to apologize and that would in the end not serve your purposes anyway cause it would be awkward beyond comparison.

Another reason could also be that he’s not looking for anything else but sex, and that wouldn’t serve your purposes at all. However superficial it may seem, if you don’t let up, he’s not interested.

Gotta go catch the bus, so long for now…

/Lovedoctor

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Lovedoctor

October 11th, 2010 at 08:01

P. S. *slams desktop* I hate you computer, why must you keep calling me Ben!

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rose

October 11th, 2010 at 08:01

Hi, love doctor , Can you give me advice for me? Please help me…

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Eve

October 11th, 2010 at 08:06

@Ben/ Lovedoctor – Haha, I don’t know!! But I agree that I may not have handled the situation in the best way after a couple of drinks. He was a really great guy- funny, witty, intelligent. I think I will write him my sincerest sorry note anyway and close the chapter on that. Thanks for replying. You have wonderful insight and have been a great help to so many lovesick patients out here! :)

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clotilde

October 11th, 2010 at 10:01

Lovesick patients (I like that Eve!) and there are alot of us! hahaha It’s so hard to read you lovely Swedes :D

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Lovedoctor

October 11th, 2010 at 10:30

@Rose – Hello and welcome :) Normally you just put up a post of what’s ailing you and the frequenters of the blog can help you with any help you might need :)

@clotilde & Eve – The doctor’s accepting new sicklings to care for ;)

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Eve

October 11th, 2010 at 10:54

@clotilde – I know, terrible isn’t it? I’ll have to be careful about frequenting this group to avoid getting love bitten all over again! Haha :)

@Lovedoctor – More guys should know about your lucrative profession! ;)

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Lovedoctor

October 11th, 2010 at 11:39

@Eve – Guys isn’t my vocation :P Women though…

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clotilde

October 11th, 2010 at 16:04

hahaha vocation!

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Jessica

October 11th, 2010 at 16:08

@ Lovedoctor: I am still checking in here too! You really are too funny! All these posts about elusive Swedes has definitely piqued my curiousity! Why don’t any of them come to Holland??

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Lovedoctor

October 11th, 2010 at 17:42

@Jessica – Is that an open invitation? ;) I hear girls like a little mystery, demand meets supply. :P

@clotilde – Girlish laughter <3

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Emilie

October 11th, 2010 at 19:36

Hey All! Listen to this… whilst chatting to a Swedish male friend, we came to the conclusion that Swedish women are often much less passionate when it comes to romance than women from other cultures. Now this does not extend to actually doing it… we are just talking romance. However perhaps these romantic differences explain why the naturally sweet Swedish male gets unexpected responses from women in other cultures. The Swedish woman and her cooler approach may not be as responsive whereas we see it a passionate approach. It may also explain why the Swedish guys do not always act upon the foreign woman’s response and take things further when we expect them to. Perhaps they just don’t pick up on the signs we foreign ladies give back in return because they don’t usually get that type of response from the Swedish woman. Discuss :-D

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Jessica

October 11th, 2010 at 21:05

Well, apparently Swedish men are in huge demand :-P Just dunno why they are being supplied everywhere other than where I live ;-)

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clotilde

October 12th, 2010 at 01:43

Eve – Yeah! If anything this group feeds just piques my interest in the Swedish male species. Haha. Do give us an update on your situation, I hope he understands your apologies, if not, then it seems he really only was after one thing, hmm?

Lovedoctor – Jessica’s right you are funny – you and your witty repartee! Aren’t you a bit flattered all these women are awaiting your advice, you shan’t disappoint! Your future partner would be quite lucky, you have a balanced insight, sense of humour and wit -girls must be lining up!

Emilie – That is quite interesting. Swedish women are so gorgeous, I’d probably look like a damp tissue next to them (hello there, self-deprecation), but I guess romanticism doesn’t necessarily follow. If that is true, then it does make sense a bit that we, non-Swede girls easily recognise a Swede boys sweetness as easily as we could possibly misinterpret it as well. Did I make sense?

Now I’m curious even more. I want to ask a Swedish lady what she thinks of Swedish boys? I have Swedish girl friends, but we’ve lost touch and I never bothered asking them about this. I wonder if they saw this they might just laugh. haha

Another thing, I was just thinking of Swede boy (again :( ), and the other Swedes I’ve met. A big thing that I seem to truly appreciate about them is that they are not MACHO or STUD-like. Well the ones I know anyway. I like that they are a bit intouch with their soft side and not afraid to show it at all. Are other Scandinavians like this? Maybe I shouldn’t only focus on Swedes. hahahaha. Men where I am from are just full of testosterone, no personality (yes that’s a sweeping generalisation).

That was too long! Forlåt!

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Lovedoctor

October 12th, 2010 at 14:48

clotilde – I’m flattered by the compliments coming from all these interesting foreign women :) You mistake yourself greatly when it comes to how attractive foreign women can be to a swede, just look at the massive swedish tourist populations in Thailand and Spain f.ex. :)

There’s a high percentage of beautiful women in Sweden, yes, but the rest of the beautiful women of the world are more accessible, haha.

Merely a sidenote; I’ve never felt like I’m fully part of the “Swedish mentality” and I guess the distance’s given me a more objective view.

Jessica – Who says they can’t? ;D

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Jessica

October 12th, 2010 at 20:26

@Lovedoctor: *heart flutters* Well, I have never met any Swedes over here unfortunately; most of the tourists head for Amsterdam, for some unknown reason. Spread the word there in Sweden that Friesland is almost like Sweden :-P You guys can come over here on your holidays ;-)

And what do you mean by accessible? That foreign women are more approachable?

Where Is Dano btw? That last I heard, the poor soul was having problems… Hope no-one was trying to confiscate his detector ;-)

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Lovedoctor

October 12th, 2010 at 22:11

@Jessica – Yep, approachable’s the word :)

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DeepSoul

October 13th, 2010 at 02:19

Hej, Hola, Ciao, Hei, Howdy, Oi, and all that good stuff everybody!

First off:
@Jessica…LOL..there were many Swedes in Holland today, but they are not a happy bunch! :D Netherlands 4-1 Sweden :O

Hmmm, Dano caught wind that I would be back! hehe j/k Dano..kisses!

Are foreign women really more approachable? I think women are the same everywhere. We really hate bad fashion, bad pick up lines, mullets :O, cheaters, persistent pests. Oh, can’t that list go on? However, we all like a sweet guy, regardless of his nationality. ;) Also chocolate and the perfect lipstick shade! Passion, yes!!! That is important as well. Also a guy who will just listen when we discuss how our day went and gives us massages after…wait…when did I wake up? Eh, some do exist!

Have a smashing day all! xoxo

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Ana

October 13th, 2010 at 06:11

Hello everyone!
Hello Lovedoctor! On Sunday I listed the email address but this site has been acting up on my computer so I’ll relist. It is: geminitwins4win@hotmail.com
Hope everyone is having a great week. I, myself am fighting the worst urges to call or text that Swede I know. Someone please yell, “NOOOO! Don’t do it! You’ll regret it- have some pride dammit!!” There. I feel better just typing it out :) Whew- that was a close one…

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Lovedoctor

October 13th, 2010 at 08:59

@Deepsoul – That would be your gay friend Pablo! :P Naah, I’m just saying it for the chuckles ;)

Of course guys like that exist but often when you meet one you don’t notice him because he’s too sweet! Basic(female?) psychology; you pick the bad boys because they’re the quickest solution, and then there’s an illusion that that bad boy will turn into a beautiful flower! Just if you give it more time… finally you’re left at the doorstep sad and heartbroken, wondering what’s wrong with men.

He’s out there, yes, you(women) just don’t notice him until he expresses it in letters on a blog :P (joking, hehe)

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Lovedoctor

October 13th, 2010 at 09:00

@Ana – Sent you that letter..

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Dano

October 13th, 2010 at 09:46

Ok …am back sorry.Had to go to girlfriends mothers for a few days up in Sala.Is it me..or did “December” change it’s name to “October”?…it’s urking freezing! brrrr.
Nobody answered poor Rose!..I think it was aimed at you Ben mate,as your name now implies to newcomers that you’re the resident “agony aunt”! lmao.

Nobody confiscated my detectors Jessica lol, just had other things to deal with and it’s a bit chilly to be wandering the beaches right now! :)

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Lovedoctor

October 13th, 2010 at 10:06

@Dano – Uh, rosie hasn’t posted anything but that post, Dr Feelgood :P Though I’m looking forward to experiencing the winter of the millennia. Strap up tight, people! Need to buy myself a new winter closet when I get my salary.. I’ve heard it’s gone down below 0 degrees already during the nights in Stockholm.

“Girlfriends’ mothers”? You know that can be very misunderstood, not that it’s bad or anything :P

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Jessica

October 13th, 2010 at 14:51

Hi there everyone!!

Dano, so glad to have you back! Hope your girlfriends mother’s ok now. As far as the weather is concerned, we have been having fantastic weather here in Friesland. Very crisp and cold in the morning and evening, but during the day the sun is out and there are perfectly blue skies! Glad no-one has confiscated your detector – very interested to read your future post about having found long lost viking treasure ;-) Bit chilly for the Swedish women to whipping their clothes off on the beach, I think you mean ;-)

Deepsoul: I read the paper on the way home from varsity on the train yesterday for the first time in months (reading the paper, not having missed lectures for months:-P) and saw that Sweden was playing Holland. Big whoop!! I hate soccer, there I said it! More of a rugby person myself. What is more, they probably played in or near Amsterdam and I wouldn’t be found dead there… Actually, I probably would, but I think you get what I mean ;-) So once again, Swedes – to the north is where you must go :-P

Lovedoctor: about the good vs bad boys. Women (definitely in my opinion, you know, what with being a woman and all :-P) want a guy that is considerate and compassionate but is still a man. I appreciate a guy that can stand up to me, I have been told I have a strong personality, so if a guy just rolls over and does what I say all the time, I would lose all respect for that person. So we would like a man to still act like a man, even though he is a whizz in the kitchen etc…, lol! I think this whole equality thing has people confused. What I want, and have discussed it with other Dutch girls I know who agreed, is that while we want equality (equal pay and to be treated as equals in a relationship) we still want to be treated like women. What I mean with women, is not the arrogant spoiled cows that treat men like crap when men try and treat them like women out of respect, rather the women that can recognize what the man is doing and appreciates it. Dunno if this makes sense, just my ramblings of what I like ;-) I think in this day and age if a guy holds the door open for me, it takes courage to do that because so many women are dumb enough to bitch at him and say “I can do it myself”, rather than acknowledging that kind gesture. Hope I haven’t stood on too many toes :-D

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DeepSoul

October 13th, 2010 at 15:28

@lovedoctor….Booo!! Bad boys suck! LOL That is my opinion at least. Anybody who thinks they can change another person is delirious, or really hopeful in la la land. Being heartbroken just sucks. Nice guys are definitely what intelligent women prefer. Or just a normal, well balanced one at least. Ha! Was that an evil chuckle for my gay friend, Pablo? Not Pablo, but I do have a Jose, Anthony, Alfredo. They are one happy bunch. I love going out with them. They can be so sweet, but ooohh don’t wear bad fashion, or have an attitude, or they will go crazy and slightly sassy on a victim! Sassy! I just love that word! :D

@Jessica…:O Oh no! Did I hear correctly..no soccer? LOL Girl, you said it American style hehe. Yes, it was near Amsterdam. I had an interesting experience in that city. Would go back again, and hopefully not get charged 10 euros for water by an Argentinian waitress! HA..She and I just couldn’t be amigas or amiche! :D Rugby!! Now that is not a sport for the faint hearted!

@Dano…Oi! Welcome back! ;D Keep warm!

@Ana…”Noooo! Don’t do it! You’ll regret it! Have some pride dammit!” There, I said it! However, I don’t know what happened between you and that guy. I’m just supporting your instincts and conscience. :D

@ Everybody else…Have a good one! :)

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Jessica

October 13th, 2010 at 19:08

We say soccer in South Africa. We speak British English there, but for some reason we use the term soccer and not football. Living in Holland now, not particularly fond of it, but hell – it beats Jo’burg! But anyhoo, that explains my fondness for Rugby ;-) Sorry, just cannot stand the whole hype around soccer, so take it out on hating the sport…

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Summer

October 15th, 2010 at 16:59

Hey Lovedoc, do you also do consults per email? :) I need to dish out quite some details about this Swede, and it feels a bit weird to do this on a forum (the ‘what if he reads this’ factor you see..). I’ve seen your comments to others, and they are quite sensible, so I hope you can also shine some light on my situation. Please help.
Thanks a lot for any reply anyways! :)
Summer

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Lovedoctor

October 15th, 2010 at 22:55

Sure, summer, email’s ba@sporttrend.se ;)

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Summer

October 16th, 2010 at 14:48

Thanks so much! I just sent you an encyclopedia worth of material on the Swede LOL :D

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chill

October 17th, 2010 at 21:08

thanks for all of u here.

gosh i was like almost all of the ladies here.

i was never confused this BIGTIME with my entire 32 yrs of life!

i hope to wish to share my story next time here..hoping you can give me advice tips etc too. ill tell u about my mr swede adventure as i am discovering myself in this foreign country as well.

i have work tomorrow :D and tom is like now coz its already 4am here in singapore.

yESS.. feel free to congratulate me for having my 1st ever patience – very 1st time MARATHON blog reading.. from start to end..(i mean last/latest comment) .. only till now that i realized that i can read!!!! i used to hate reading, lol…but here im having fun! all this thread – you guys are all awesome.

but of course, my swede experience which im dealing right now is the awesomeness of all. its crazy confusing exciting lots of waiting,
in short IM just totally so LOST!

i just hate him for being so charming that i end up guessing/thingking/dreaming/wanting/craving..lol

i go dream about him meantime. im not just LOST..i am now a looser as well..lol, also a beautiful mess :D

i hope

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Shug

May 23rd, 2011 at 04:26

Hey to all!

Is this blog dead again? :P

I haven’t been on here in over a year or so.

I’m an African-American woman born and raised in NYC. I first met a Swedish guy in Spring of 2009 and we had, I guess you can say, a short but very passionate love affair. Then because of the fall of the economy the Swedish company he worked for sent him back to Stockholm and I haven’t seen him since.

At first, I emailed and called him, not often but enough to expect a response. I didn’t hear from him for 4 months! I was heartbroken and thought maybe he wasn’t into me and I was just this exotic American experience for him. Then suddenly, out of the blue, he emails me saying how he sometimes thinks of me and our time together and keeps my photo I gave him as a reminder of me.

We email, Skype and occasionally call each other. He’s in a business where he must travel often so sometimes I hear from him almost everyday and then I won’t hear from him for a few weeks or so.

He recently called me while on a business trip and repeatedly kept telling me how he missed me and has been thinking about me alot lately. Then he begin to mention to me things that I told him about my parents, things I liked and details of the time we spent together. Then suddenly he told me he loved me!?!

I honestly believe he cares for me but I’m not so sure that he loves me!?! I haven’t seen him in 2 years and he was supposed to come and visit me last summer (2010) and suddenly couldn’t do to work or so he says. He does have a habit of being in touch alot then suddenly won’t respond to emails, calls or messages for days and sometimes weeks at a time.

I can’t say I’m used to this but he knows I’m sorta seeing someone else so maybe that prompted him to say those things to me!?! Either ways, I’m so confused as to how he really feels for me as he seems so up and down, hot and cold, that I just don’t bother to stress it and live my life because the reality is we do live in different countries and I can’t be concerned with thinking “does he like me/does he not?” 24/7.

Are there any wise Swedish men who can give me some advice? He says he wants to visit me this summer but there is no solid plan so….

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lh

June 5th, 2011 at 04:35

I think you should give him an ultimatum–either he comes and you guys try to work something out or you should live your lives separately and not interfere. You have the right to be happy and find love. Knowing that he is “around” and having having hopes with him will make it difficult to move on and really appreciate the people you have around you in the present.

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Deepsoul

June 6th, 2011 at 21:23

@Shug…Well, well…I think you may possibly be able to ‘revive’ this particular topic again! I have noticed that people tend to jump off subject often here, but it is a great chance to learn new perspectives about Sweden and Swedish culture. I am not currently dating, so I cannot give you any advice, but I have noticed inconsistency in talking with a Swedish guy. Perhaps it is a cultural issue. It must be, as so many women seem rather confused when it comes to dating a Swedish man.

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genie

June 8th, 2011 at 08:11

Shug, I feel for you. I’m sri Lankan origin and equally hot blooded. Minorities like us arent used to pussyfooting around things, we’re used to finding what we want and pursuing it. We’re very direct when it comes to expressing our feelings and developing on that.

Unfortunately Swedish guys aren’t like that. That’s why they drive us insane. Indecision, comparative slowness in developing feelings and acting on them, playing hot and cold, making promises, e.g. saying he’ll visit and wimping out.

Firstly, i hope your guy isn’t called Johan/Lasse as there are two guys on match.com who.work in engineering and do lots of international work. These two play hot and cold with various black and asian girls at destinations they work in. I think they are probably married and looking for exotic fun on work trips. They go cold when you suggest visiting them.

My next tip is to do what i did with my guy; he’s a friend i have feelings for. I got tires od the flattery and flirting and suggested visiting. He said ‘ok’. I then told him how i felt and asked if he still wanted to meet? He said ‘yes’. I then asked how he felt and he said ‘you are lovely but i don’t know you well enough to fancy you. I’d like to get to know you better’. Perhaps your guy didn’t know either? I guess he does now, hence the declaration? Ask him what he wants and how he expects things to develop/ se you more. None of the email stuff or skype chat counts when getting to know each other. Facetime is the true test. All the best xe

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Eve

June 8th, 2011 at 22:50

@Shug I have to agree with Ih. This guy almost sounds like he is yanking your chain and thats not fair to you (but he almost may not realize he is doing it?). You are completely in the right to say listen I want this to happen, but you need to make a serious commitment. No more games! Good luck and please tell us how it goes with whatever you decide to do.

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Eve

June 8th, 2011 at 23:00

@Genie I cannot believe what you said about the two swedish guys on match.com! thats horrific and i feel bad for all the women they’ve tricked! so messed up! you should complain to the admin or moderators or whatever their called on match.com. didn’t know that dating site had craigslist-like people haha. i guess thats just how it works on the web now.

and have you had more positive experiences with swedish guys? just curious. i feel like when i lived there they would do the stare/look and be friendly, but rarely approach and say hey lets go on a date unless super drunk, but the ones in the states have more game thank god haha.

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Summer

June 22nd, 2011 at 16:35

@ Shug: see him as he sees you…. a casual acquaintance on the internet that he contacts whenever he feels a bit lonely and needs an ego-stroke. Don’t for a minute think that those moments of intimacy faking are normal! Friendship / love is not a one-way streak, it is not catering to the whim of the day of the other person and letting yourself being jerked around.
If you don’t want to feel like a doormat, cut him off and get yourself something real. None of your needs are being met by this guy unless you get masochistic pleasure from being taken on an emotional rollercoaster…. which I assume you do not.
Moreover: while you are preoccupied with him, you rob yourself of the chance to meet someone who is in a positive state of mind and whose world does not evolve around his whim of the day.

Move on and be happy.

I speak from experience. After I dropped this unstable and immature Swede, I met the most fantastic (Dutch) guy ever!! We’ve been together for some months now :))))

Big hug!

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Summer

June 22nd, 2011 at 16:46

PS: a friend of mine was after a Swede and he was hot and cold and left her heartbroken in the end. Now she has a very decent (Danish) boyfriend so the Swede started stalking her on email that he loves her bla bla bla. He has not done anything to show this but keeps playing her emotions with talk from 2 years ago (when they met and she pursued him passionately). We think some Swedish guys just like to keep their ‘options’ open and are afraid to commit to either being with you or being without you. They must live in some kind of fairytale world. Summarizing: she choose for something real (=her very cute and loving boyfriend) and ended up blocking the Swede’s emailaddress.

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Nkosazana

June 23rd, 2011 at 12:05

@ shug

As a fellow black woman married to a Swede (5 years this summer), I’d say screw him. He’s just playing around. There’s good upfront Swedes as well and you happen to have caught a bad one it seems, just like any other man.

@Genie

About those two guys, well I guess that’s the risk of online dating lots of creeps around. But I don’t know about the minority part though, the Indian and black experience is quite different :)

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Formica Virus

July 10th, 2011 at 13:27

Hey guys! I see you’ve started up again! I’m looking forward to seeing the positive and negative feedback here :) Go dating!

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Aliyah

July 13th, 2011 at 04:34

Lmao at people taking dating advice from Ben just because he happens to be a swede, how do you know this guy can pull his own women as easily as he is saying. I thought this man was a middle aged lesbian shemale in his avi.

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Formica Virus

July 18th, 2011 at 22:54

I’ve never given anyone any incentive that I was a so-called “ladies man”. All assumptions about me were made by others and others alone. All I’ve wanted to explain is how a Swedish guy IS through my own personal experience, and perhaps understand women better in the process, and everyone’s already aware about the fact that I’m a normal guy. At least I hope so.

I just think alot(something I should really do less but it’s something I’m good at), anyone can denounce me whenever they like but debunking me is really out of the question, cause you just need to ask lol. Are we having fun calling me names? :P Naughty naughty, Aliyah! :D

Anyway, have a good summer.

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Björn

July 19th, 2011 at 22:45

@Shug

Dunno about him. I can be the same with being slow at answering emails and stuff. Maybe he is waiting for responses from you aswell?. How often do you contact him compared to how often he contacts you?. He might just wait for you contact him the same way you have been waiting for him. Dunno about the “love you part” it might be the truth, you have to understand that over here its a bit different in some things. You can for example meet a girl and have a very passionate time but more often than not its not more than that and people move on. It could very well be that he might be set in those ways and not think further than that eventhough he might actually have very strong feelings for you and not sure how to convey them.

However, one question that springs to my mind. Why do you even care? If you are already seeing someone else then why not just move on?. Its not like he is the only guy in the entire world and its not like swedish guys are the only suitable boyfriends/fiancess/husbands in the world either. If you still have feelings for him it is not fair on the other guy to date him, and if you do not still have feelings for him it is not fair on him to ask for advice on the swedish guy. Make up your mind and then move on is the best advice that I can give. Allthough judging from your what you wrote Id say go with the one you are currently dating. Nationality doest make the guy, only the guy makes the guy. If that made some sort of sense I dunno=P.

Ps: Drink more, no matter the problem, it WILL help! =P

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Aliyah

July 22nd, 2011 at 02:47

@Ben

My apologies for my rudeness, I guess it was the vibe i was getting from your posts,but i applaud you for your modest reply. Have a good summer too :)

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berzirker

July 27th, 2011 at 07:52

@Ben: dude, you should come over here! (That is, if hot and dry 9 months of the year suits your sensibilities. We live in Arizona.) my family & I would love to host you! I am a bit nomadic myself & recognize a kindred spirit in you…
@Bjorn: at some point in the future, we must meet and drink! :D you’re a man after my own heart! ( to clarify: we think alike in many ways)

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Björn

July 31st, 2011 at 01:59

@Berzirker

Im always up for a drink just name the place and time!. What would be fun though is to get a lostinstockholm bbq together and just meet all the people following this blog that are living in stockholm. Would be kinnda fun no?.

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lh

July 31st, 2011 at 23:41

question….
are scandinavian men just not passionate by nature?
I know this blog is about Swedes, but, still:

the other day I hooked up with a norwegian, and I just felt like something was missing. He was very soft, and gentle, and not passionate at all. Maybe it’s because we were in a park and he felt a bit embarrassed, but he just seriously didn’t hold me tight enough or caressed with much emotion.
Is this how most Scandinavians are?

:(

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Sapphire

August 2nd, 2011 at 11:15

Björn, a picnic would be great in Stockholm!

I’ve actually been thinking about have a little litter cleanup (cleaning up those nasty cigarette butts and bottles) and then picnicing in the park. We can potluck (knytis) food and drinks.

What better way to help our community and meet fellow readers!

@lh – In general, Scandinavians do tend to be less warm or passionate than many other countries. It takes a while for them to open up but he could be like that because he’s Norwegian or because he’s not that interested in you. Good luck and keep us posted!

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Shug

August 13th, 2011 at 15:46

@th – tried the ultimatum a couple of times, didn’t work

@DeepSoul – yes inconsistency is politically correct! :D

@genie – no his name is not Johan or Lasse and I did not meet him on a dating site. You’re right about, I’m gonna say ethnics because I’m no one’s minority, we are direct! Being coy and passive aggressive is not something we really do and if so not often at all!

@summer – I’m happy and no I do not like emotional rollercoasters but I guess I’m open minded and try my best not judge people saying they are this or that so I thought his behavior could possibly be cultural or maybe it’s just him or both.

@nkosazana – you may have a point and I’m not disagreeing with you but when you have someone it’s easier to tell someone else – just let go. I’m moving forward but I haven’t just let go and I honestly don’t know why that is…some things you can’t explain…

@Bjorn – I’ve contacted him more then I’m willing to say even when he hasn’t reached out to me first. And why shouldn’t I care? Is caring out of style or something?

I WAS seeing someone but do you not recall me saying I live in NYC and he lives in Sweden and I haven’t see him for 2 years? What am I suppose to do wait for him forever or something? I’ve even offered to go to Sweden but…I don’t even want to bother with explaining.

Btw, I know that Swedish guys aren’t the only suitable boyfriends/fiancees/husbands he just happens to be Swedish and I thought his behavior may be a reflection of culture that’s why I came to this site for some potential advice. I don’t have a “Swedish guy only” preference as I’ve dated French, Dutch, Russian, German, etc and of course Black/AA men.

Just because I have feelings for him means I can’t move on and try love with someone else who’s interested? That seems unfair, it’s like you’re suggesting for me to wait for the Swedish guy to move forward with me or just wait until I’m completely over him and then move on!? That sounds noble but I’ve tried that in my past and life is way too short to wait to live and Shug does not wait to live sweetie!! I love life and I’m going to live it happy and well no matter who I’m with or not with!!

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Björn

August 14th, 2011 at 22:07

@ Shug

What I mean is that if you are already dating someone, why the hell are you still concerned about the swedish guy?. If you are not over him then you are not exactly ready to start with someone else. Its not fair on the next guy. There is no reason for you to get overly defensive unless you feel guilty about it. Move on and dont give a damn about the past thats how you should do it.

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Björn

August 14th, 2011 at 22:10

@ Sapphire

Sounds fun doest it? =). Allthough cleaning up a bunch of crap after some other bastards doest sound all that fun lol. Bottles I can pick but no chance in hell I’ll be picking up like a hundred cigarette butts hehe.

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Niela

August 15th, 2011 at 00:08

Find this website just looking for a translator .but maybe it’s a help to sort out my problem and experience too .
Had recently met a Swedish man , older then me but looks young . We meet each other in my wonderful Holliday with my BF , by mistake as I wasn’t looking for someone . Become to knew he were owner from the hotel as I staying and that’s makes me feel very disappointed . Disappointed because I though he try to impress me between we meet when I was working out . After that we met on bar hotel and start a conversation , I really feel something strange . He very charming and attractive men , also he had a amazing energy which I will never felt that before . I feel all this feeling for all night and wants be close to him all time but I couldn’t . Day after I had text him to say hi , and for my surprise he were left for Bangkok as place his work often , then I say hi as we start talking and for some minutes I could have his all attention for me . Our conversation was very good and yes , he Swedish but lives out of Sweden since his was 5. So… He wasn’t shy or so… Actually he very straight and decide what he really wants . After this second fast meeting I start think about him all the time but knew he had girlfriend and children w her was very hard to listen w all this feeling inside myself and don’t know why if I didn’t knew him yet . His relationship w this Swedish women it’s 17-18 years , so long and how I feel he will not think to change his mind , if he really don’t loves me . Conclusion : we flu in same plane as I’m back home to London ( also if I’m Brazilian citizen and lives in London city ), never thought on my wonderful holiday in Phuket with my BF I could felt in love in first time I saw this man . I simply had a incredible reaction when I saw him , I just don’t know what’s happening . Today since a february as we had met for the first time we seem each other often when he landing just go meet me here , but he are travel business man ,and honest I don’t know what’s gonna happen with our both , it’s 6 months ready and seem each other only twice a month isn’t easy at all with all my love for him , it’s hard to keep this inside my heart and knew he got other women which he will never leave her also if he will loves me . Honest I feel inside of my heart he loves me , in his way but he did . We speak every days , all day and night when he can by chat on our phones , exchange our feeling , hearts and what we did in a long day work , we start to meet each other from this way and that’d reason I believed he loves me same way as I do loves him . I only hope someday anything can change in a good thing for our both , because I dong know how long will be this between us , sometimes it’s painful but I haven’t energy to end because I love this man , and I will never be strong to end this between us . Only a way it’s leave for life decide . Hope we can be together …

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Info

August 21st, 2011 at 10:04

I found this website to be quite entertaining (in a good way). I am half Swedish, and I’ve lived in the United States my whole life. My great grandparents came from sweden, so that’s how we relocated.

Anyway I was looking into my heritage and traits of different cultures, and I ended up here among other sites. What’s funny is that even though I have never lived in Sweden, I have all the traits that you have spoken of. I am fairly shy in public, and I am VERY shy with girls (I do the whole look at the ground and wait for eye contact deal, because how else are you going to know?). I keep a few close friends, and when I feel like I can trust you I open up and will actually talk and laugh……and use loads of sarcasm :) It does take me a long time to fully trust someone though.

I’m just commenting because I think it’s cool how three generations of genetics can remain so true to its origin. I guess I’m a true Swede at heart.

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Shug

August 22nd, 2011 at 17:14

@Bjorn – I understand where you are coming from but I don’t think you understand where I’m coming from! I don’t think it “should be done” as you say, it’s just your opinion, it’s not a fact like 1+1=2. Who’s to say how something should be done anyways? You can control your actions or behavior but sometimes you can’t always control emotions or feelings. I’m moving forward in life but I’m just curious to understand things on as many levels as I can. That’s just who I am but you do make a valid point, thanks :)

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SAD...

September 7th, 2011 at 09:34

WOW! I just spent a few hours hooked to this site because I too met a swede lol So interesting and informative… I met this boy (23) at my work and thought he was so cute and charming I asked if I could give him my number. He texted the next day and we’ve been on four/five dates so far in the last two weeks. All the while, he’s been after me. We’ve slept together and I made it clear Im not interested in, “being some swedish boy’s booty call” to which he replied, “you don’t have to be”. We have great chemistry and talks but last we saw each other, I learned he just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship in January (it’s August). He was obviously still hurt and upset about it and said he just can’t trust like that again but is hoping that kind of love will just find him and, “hit” him in the face. I had no idea how to respond to that. Like, I’m sitting right in front of him! We just spend the night together and are having a wonderful breakfast!!!!! AAAAHHHHH Stupid swedish stare lol. I think he’s absolutely adorable and we still shared a passionate kiss (another swede trait?) before saying goodbye. I havent heard anything from him and it’s been 2 days and 2 texts from ME later… THOUGHTS???????????? Was I supposed to be the one who hits him in the face and wakes him back up to love again? OR Am I just a fling/distraction from his broken heart?? Actually losing sleep over this any help???

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SAD...

September 7th, 2011 at 09:36

Oh and I’m 25… and ended a 3 year relationship the same time he did so we kind of bond over those experiences… He lives here and his ex is in Sweden, so it’s not like they are right by each other.

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AppleBee

September 12th, 2011 at 04:51

I wrote in a different section but I didn’t really get any responses…

Anyway, I met this Swedish guy totally by accident on this Internet pen pal site a couple of months ago. He had pictures up and I thought he looked like an interesting character with his tattoos and cuteness lol. He had left a comment on one of my photos and then he messaged me and from there we found how many similarities we have.

So, we’ve been talking, chatting, video chatting, etc. nearly every day. He is such a sweetheart and we have pretty much the same sense of humor… it’s just fantastic. I’ve never connected with someone like this and I did NOT expect to over the Internet in such a way… I’ve actually been against online dating but I know this guy is for real and genuine so it’s really great.

From what I’ve read about Swedish guys, it seems that they tend to be more “cold” in a way and more shy. Well, I’ll call this Swedish guy I’m talking to “Erik” just to make things more simple, but that is not his real name. Erik is definitely a shy guy but he is not at all confusing to me… he’s actually fairly easy to figure out (at least for me) and he always messages/talks to me. It’s not just like an on-again, off-again sort of thing. Although, I have to add that it’s almost always me who has to message him first lol. I think it’s just because he doesn’t want to come off as “clingy” or something though.

I am SUPER excited because Erik is coming to visit me (in the States) in about five months and he’ll be here for at least a couple of weeks. From there we’re going to see how well we fit together and if things go really well, I think I may just have a Swedish boyfriend lol. It sounds so crazy to me, I mean, never in a million years had I thought I’d ever meet a guy online like this and he’s from Sweden of all places as well.

So, yeah… I just wanted to tell my story since I’ve read so many interesting things on this site. I had actually Googled what most Swedish men are like and came upon this site… I didn’t know if his whole ordeal is a too-good-to-be-true sort of thing or not, but from what I’ve read, it doesn’t appear to be at the moment!

Anyone wanna add any tips, any information of their own about this? I would greatly appreciate it!! I really would!! :-)

Thank you!

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clotilde

September 12th, 2011 at 12:46

So is that a normal thing.. that we always have to initiate the conversation (online)?

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AppleBee

September 13th, 2011 at 04:49

@ clotilde:

I don’t think that you have to initiate the convos online… in real life I really think that is more the case, but not so much online. He was the one who got in touch with me first, really.

But then again it does depend on the person. Not all Swedes are going to be too shy to step forward… everyone is different… but I just think it may be the majority.

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berzirker

September 16th, 2011 at 08:35

@Bjorn: I wish I lived in Stockholm! :) Most unfortunately, I live in Arizona, USA.
would you be at all opposed to being pen pals? I promise to send a beer kit, so you can have all the beer you like! ;)
may I ask, are there a great deal of Swedes who are very interested in Cowboy culture? I went to Crossplains this past summer, and I did notice A LOT of Europeans, but especially Swedes. (who, in my opinion, are quite a bit tougher than other Europeans ;) )

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BERZIRKER

September 16th, 2011 at 08:51

@ Bjorn: D’oh! Wouldn’t it have been nice for me to leave my email??
jack_n_beansmom at yahoo dot com

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birdo

September 22nd, 2011 at 06:10

love this blog! lots of my question anwsered about swedish men;p As an american girl, I have found swedish men to be so much more fun than american guys..and easy to fall in love with. It has been about 2 months I have been talking to my swede on IM, but he has yet to open up to me about alot yet. We have been talking about visiting each other already, and have so much in common. Everything I know about him so far I love, and hes just the kind of guy I could fall so hard for. But do I just let him know how I feel, or when is the right time? I know if your too upfront with US guys they run ha…I just want to know what hes feeling, and the best way to let him know he can open up to me, and I am not just some crazy girl from the states…oh ya and the “chat” deal….I do always find myself saying hi first….should I keep that up, or give him space to respond? And he had no problem talking about sex when we first started to chat..does that mean thats all he wants, or is that just him being blunt, or flirting? ha, because I have swedish friends that joke about sex all the time..and sometimes I don’t know how to take it. I don’t want him to think im not interested..but once again, here in the states..they want you to play mind games…err…and what does it take to really get into the heart of a swedish man?

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Sapphire

October 6th, 2011 at 21:17

Björn – Next Thursday, October 13th, we are having a meetup at the Liffey. 19hr. I hope you come!

PS – no butt cleaning this time. :P

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Heidar

October 17th, 2011 at 15:52

Greetings from a 26-year-old Swedish guy :)

If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
-Sure.

Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?
-Mismatched (in terms of male-female wants and desires; you’ll see what I mean if you continue to read)

Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?
-Maybe, maybe not. It varies a lot depending on what exactly it is you’re conversing about, and what kind of person he is (we’re not all identical, you know). He would definitely consider you a friend, either way.

Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?
-Varies. Generally speaking, the younger a Swedish man is, the more he will want to date skinny girls, whereas older and/or more mature Swedish guys will generally prefer women who are “average” or “curvy”. That said, it is a sad state of affairs that many Swedish men stop growing/maturing in their teens…

Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?
-Varies, of course, but as a general rule Swedish men prefer either texting or eye-to-eye conversations over conversations over the phone; texting and emailing is “relaxed”, whereas phone conversations are too impersonal compared to real eye-to-eye conversations.

What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?
- Sorry, I don’t live in Stockholm! If you’re looking for something long-term I’d stay away from Stureplan, though!

Do Swedish women give the look too?
- Some do, some don’t. Most don’t, in my experience.

What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?
- Depends on his age. Younger men tend to be more negative towards women with children, whereas older men don’t seem to mind as much (and may or may not have children of their own from previous relationships).

Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?
-Yes and no. Most (and I use that term loosely) Swedish men are fairly reserved, and don’t as a rule throw out random compliments unless they are either drunk or trying to get the girl in bed (i.e. they’re looking for a one night stand). If the compliment is given either off-hand (like: “Oh, you changed your hair? Sure, it looks nice”) or straightforward/seriously (“You have pretty eyes”), then it’s probably genuine, if not necessarily romantic. A compliment that is obviously flirtatious in tone and inflection is often (but certainly not always!) not genuine unless the guy is drunk or more “worldly” than the average Swede.

What are signs of flirtatious behavior?
-Depends on the man, and whether or not he’s intoxicated. If he’s not intoxicated, then if he’s serious he may act a bit shy and reserved, but still genuinely interested (i.e. frequently steals glances, tries to stay close, etc). If he’s intoxicated it’s pretty obvious if he’s flirting, but less obvious if he’s looking for a serious commitment or not.

Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?
-A combination of factors. Mostly, it has to do with two things:
1) In Sweden, drinking and nigh-alcoholism has become the norm, to the point that a person who doesn’t drink (for whatever reason) is considered weird. No, weird is actually too soft a word; a non-drinker is considered a freak/alien/unnatural/etc. In Sweden alcoholism is what is called a “folksjukdom”, or in other words an extremely common disease; in the U.S. obesity and associated heart disease would be considered “folksjukdom”. There are no exact numbers, but estimates place the number of confirmed alcoholics in Sweden at around 300 000, or in other words roughly 3,5% of the population. Looking at the average amount of alcohol that is consumed in Sweden each year, the average Swede would technically be an alcoholic, though obviously “average” does not mean “most common”.
2) Most (I would like to say “all”, but I’m sure there’s an exception out there somewhere) Swedish men have had very bad experiences trying to hit on and interact with Swedish women: Swedish women tend to be very unreceptive to direct flirtation unless drunk, and are not shy about treating the guy in question condescendingly in a very loud and distinct fashion (verbally emasculating men is something of a sport for many Swedish women, and most mothers teach their boys early on never to talk back to a woman and to always put a woman’s needs first, even when it’s detrimental to their own). Hence, most Swedes have become accustomed to openly flirting only when inebriated, which of course compounds the problem of widespread alcoholism and associated problems.

Does the ‘player’ culture exist?
-Yes, but it’s fairly rare when compared to countries such as the U.S. In Sweden it is by far most common in Stockholm, and in particular in and around “Stureplan”.

How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?
- Varies. One important thing to keep in mind, though: after successfully asking out a Swede, do NOT play games; most Swedish men have been so emasculated and jaded by their own women that even the slightest hint of disinterest from a woman is taken as her being completely uninterested in any form of interaction whatsoever. At the same time, many (but far from all!) Swedish men can get scared away by a woman who is overly forward early on. Maddening, I know.

Do they like blonds or brunettes?
-Varies. I personally prefer brunettes by far.

Is it true Swedes are very rude?
-Not rude so much as open and honest, even when it comes to often delicate matters, which can often be considered rude in cultures more sensitive about such things. If a Swede is asking you about personal or delicate matters, more often than not he’s not being rude, just genuinely curious; this goes double if he’s drunk at the time. There are always exceptions, of course. Also, the traditional “gentleman” spirit, often considered good behaviour in other countries, does not really exist in Sweden anymore, what with politically-sanctioned anti-masculinity measures over the years; typically when growing up a Swede who tries to be traditionally manly is berated and yelled at by female relatives, acquaintances and sometimes even complete strangers (generally middle-aged feminists), and stops such behaviour quickly. This has had the unfortunate effect of turning many Swedish men into either chauvinistic woman-haters (which of course only fuels the militant feminists’ fire) or emasculated doormats. Either way, foreign women are a welcome reprieve for most Swedish men, regardless of how they’ve adapted to their own women.

Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?
-Nope. That said, most Swedes have either a neutral or negative view on MARRIAGE, but not monogamy itself. It’s pretty easy to get a Swede into a monogamous relationship (the vast majority of us prefer it that way) but marriage? That’s another matter entirely.

Do they fall in love really hard?
-Varies. Some do, some don’t. Either way, for many Swedes it takes a while before they fall hard, usually because, as stated before, they have been treated like crap by Swedish women.

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lh

October 24th, 2011 at 02:49

@Heidar: wow thanks for your detailed response to our questions!!

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simple girl

October 27th, 2011 at 08:56

I meet this guy since last year, his a Swedish and i am from Asia. We meet through online and we exchange email almost every day. During our communication, we fall in love. We open each other, even though a single secret in life. His a good listener, a good friend. But we decided to meet first before we proceed to the next level of relationship. And you know what? During our first meeting, we are both shy to each other, we just shook our hands and kiss the chicks. His very professional and very gentleman. He always prioritize my needs before him. His also funny and with sense of humor in every topic we had. We had a great sparks in just one meet. I did not stay in his hotel, we just meet after my work, we eat outside and getting to know each other process. And the after how many days of being with him after work, we talk about our status. And we decided to keep the relationship, he meet my friends and other relatives. They had a good conversation also, he didn’t meet any girls here and his very compassionate type of person. Right now we are going to meet again and plan to meet my whole family. his very serious and we had a great communication through text message and email every day. Now we are happy and were just waiting for my application going to his country. But i am also feel nervous because some of my friends application has been failed. Is it hard to apply for residency permit and also is it true that the questions during interview are intimidating? Well i am so blessed and happy of this Swedish guy i have right now..:)

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Just Me

November 1st, 2011 at 20:34

@ All you here…Heidar really nails it here, I can tell you that I recognised much of my self in what he has written in the post above, good and bad. But I really dont like texting and email, not for important stuff anyway, but thats me :)

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lh

November 3rd, 2011 at 07:52

I FOUND IT I FOUND IT!!!!!!!

Saphire, I now know what “the Swedish look” is (I think, at least!)

Basshunter video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FogKIMy3jSY&feature=relmfu

min 1.04!!!! omg I think it’s this!!!!!!!!!!

ahhh he’s sooooo handsome!!!!!

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Ohlaalaa

November 5th, 2011 at 00:04

Hi all,

I posted my questions in Dating Swedish guy Q & A but it seems not so many people visit there anymore i guess. Since i see this item is still active and I’m really confused with my case so I copy it here again. Please help if you can give me some advices.

I’m from Asia, have been dating a Swedish guy (from a dating site) for 4 months. He is a nice & gentle guy. We have dated every weekend but he has never contacted me during the week. Me neither because i don’t know what I should do and because in my culture men often flirt and make a first move.

By the time of having nice time together, I’m aware of being interested in him and i think he is the same because he always treats me well (serve my needs first) and really polite. For example, he cooks dinners for me sometimes, often wears the shirts and colors I like and complimented, asks me what style of the hair i want him to cut, shows me new clothes and asks me for opinion about his clothes taste and takes me to romantic places…. He showed pictures of his friends, mother, grandmother as invited me to his apartment, shared about his friends’ weddings and some stuff like that.

Recently, when I invited him to a big party of my friends, he asked me to teach my language and took note carefully. Then he learned and tried to present about himself by my language in front of 30people. And of course, this impressed me as well as all my friends. I think he likes me but in another way I’m also confused about this thought.

If he like me why he doesn’t contact me during the week. If he doesn’t like why he always serves request? For example the party i mentioned above finished quite late. All people returned home around 2am. He took taxi to return home but then still came to my place at 11am to take me to the wood to hang out and enjoy the sun as suggested a day before? He has never said he likes me but we kissed together when we hanged out a weekend before last weekend. He wanted to have another kiss but I didn’t do. He asked me to sit on his thighs to feel cozy but i headed off to other topic. But then i suddenly kissed him as we said goodbye.

I’m really confused about him and i dont know what I should do. After that weekend, he sent photos he took for me and mentioned that he still kept the trouser he bought for me when we went to shop together. He said that: he think i need to come to get it. Then we didn;t have any contact till Saturday, he sent me a text to ask if i wanted to dinner out or at his place in evening ( Normally, he often set plan some days before but recently he jst sent text in Friday’s night or on Saturday. This makes me quite confused too. I had a plan before with friends so I replied that I’m interested in dinner with him but I’m booked Saturday and Sunday unfortunately and wish him a nice weekend. He didn’t reply anything to me up till now. Because of feeling confused then i think i need to take time to see this carefully. If there is no improvement, maybe it’s better to let both seek other chances. But actually this still disturb my mind. Could you pls be my advisers?

Do you think this guy like me or just want to play without any serious things?

Should i make a first move by saying I like him?

Should I ask him about his feelings towards me?

Should I go with flow and enjoy it instead of thinking too much?

Oh i still have many questions but here are some important ones making me crazy these days. Drop me a feedback if you have clue for my case. Thanks in advance!

P/s: we never sleep or make out together. And he also never asks for that. We jst hold hand as walking on street or in the wood. (this makes me appreciate and trust him)

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Björn

November 5th, 2011 at 04:40

@BERZIRKER

Damn sorry dude for responding so late. I sorta check this blog in periods, a few days here and a fee days there and maybe a few weeks in between. So dont feel like I have been ignoring you, because I have not. It is just this is the first time Ive checked this blog since last time. And I really feel like a jerk when looking at the dates lol. But I will add you to my MSN and send you an email, with some luck you will be better at this than me =).

@Sapphire

OMFG cant beleive I missed this awesome oppurtunity to show people what enlightened alcohology is all about! =P. You should have told me a few weeks earlier about that meet up thing because I would have loved to be there, if nothing else just to the guy who gets really drunk while everyone else try to keep a low profile and stuff. Please plan another =D.

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Moonlight

November 5th, 2011 at 12:28

@lh

hehehehe :) I think you might have found it :) although I must say, Ive seen that look many times and it wasnt even swedish men :) damn, am I to deem myself attractive? :DDD

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Sapphire

November 5th, 2011 at 14:05

DUDE, I KNOW. WTF?! You missed epic drinking. Let’s plan for later this month for a beer night. Perhaps a Quiz Night at Southside Pub (thursdays)?

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Sapphire

November 5th, 2011 at 14:51

Ohlaalaa – I am so sorry I did not respond to your first comment. I read it and like most things, it just fell out of my head.

SO, to answer your questions (or not really).

1. You need to decide whether you really like him, love him, or just enjoy being with him. Being that he could move back to Sweden one day, would you be willing to have a long distance relationship?

2. He sounds like he is interested in you (why show photos of your family?) but you need to make his feelings clear. This ties into #1, if you do like him, then you should straight up ask him what he thinks of you. Ask if he wants to get serious in dating.

3. Of course you can go with the flow and have fun, but again, that depends on what you want in life at this moment. Have fun? Settle down? Date? Marry?

How old are you and him? This will help us come up with ideas since age does make a difference.

Ladies and gents out there, any advice for Ohlaalaa??

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Ohlaalaa

November 5th, 2011 at 19:25

Hi Sapphire,

Thank you for your reply :) Actually i think I like him because if not I didn’t share pictures of my family as well as invited him to party of my friends. And the evidence is that I think of him all the time and it makes me really tired by trying to figure out my case. I of course can ask him directly but it’s not common in my culture and I feel being a bit needy if I ask him. It’s my opinion but maybe If I want to be clear i have to raise question about that. I’m so contradictory with just myself now.

I’m 28 and he is 33. He is working and I’m just an international student. When I mean about enjoying fun I mean maybe i shouldn’t rush into everything. Instead of that we can take time to discovery ourselves (personality, interest, ambition and so on). But I’m unsure if I should wait to do like that if he just wants to be fun around. I do want to have serious date that can end by a wedding and children.

Today, Saturday he jst sent message to ask how I am and how about my swedish learning. he said he tried to learn my language today and sent one sentence i taught him before. Why did he behave like this? kept quite and and then sent message like normal. Did I think too much? or it’s right for me to have such thinking? hic :(

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Ohlaalaa

November 6th, 2011 at 01:41

It seemed that I was a bit impulsive today or maybe it’s right to do so. I don’t know :(

My story this evening was as follows:

I didn’t reply his message during 2,3 hours. And then after posting text here, I decided to call him spontaneously cuz I wanted to meet him to talk and ask. I felt so tired of analyzing and thinking about this. Everything was in disorder and it’s totally uncomfortable.

My guy was in his grandmother place to dinner with his family members. He took my call after 4 ring-tones. We talked a bit about the day and then I asked him if he could be available for a meeting this evening. He said Yes right off the bat. He said he could manage to meet me after 1,5 hours but since he drank some wine so he couldnt drive the car to pick me up. But he would take the public transport instead. I felt like i chose the wrong time to have a meeting for such topic so I said I didn’t want to rob him from his family evening so we could have a meeting another day but he pursued me that everything was fine for him. He thought we should meet and that he wanted to meet me and nothing bothered him to do that. It’s what he wants so we decided to meet. He came to meet me by taxi (it’s quite expensive 275SEK) just because it took a long time to wait to catch the bus and he could be late in the meeting. When I asked him why he had to do that. He said it’s convenient and it’s fine cuz he wants to meet me. He had a new haircut and talked about that too.

We took a long walk and talked about some stuff as normal. I asked him why he didn’t reply my message last week when I said I was booked so i couldn’t meet him as suggested. I said I wished u a nice weekend but why didn’t you wish me back. he was a bit embarrassed and said sorry. He said he was disappointed because we couldn’t meet, then assumed that it’s rude behavior. He was curious about what I did last weekend since he jst stayed at home. We kept talking about simple things for maybe 2 hours including walking and sitting in the coffee shop.

On the way to return I asked him about what he think of me and he gave all positive words and requested me back. I also said true positive things about him but also said that I’m confused about him too. I said I’m on the dating site for real but not to play around and didn’t know about his intention. That… we dated 4 months, and i was interested as being with him, had nice time together but if he isn’t interested in me, having no chemistry so it’s fine to let both seek other chances. He said he understood what I said. And that he liked to meet me and get to know me but on the other hand he also hesitate the cultural difference between us. He hasn’t found the issue yet but it could be. I asked him if he was so afraid of cultural difference why he did contact me, a person from different country but a swedish woman from same culture. It could waste our time and chance. He was a bit hesitant and said No and and he didn’t know but he thought that I’m nice and interesting. His intention is serious too. When I asked what he thinks. he said ” I don’t know” and then kept quite for a long time as walking on the street. If i didn’t say anything, he would remain such behavior like that till we said goodbye. He showed a sad face. When I asked him he said he was a bit sad cuz we won’t meet any more. I said I haven’t said that but he said he could understand me and that it might be a best way.

So now, i got the answer. i intended to ask if he wanted to meet anymore and somethings like that but I think if he likes me thence he would keep me close to him right? But he didn’t and thence we said bye as i got on the bus to return my home.

I thought that i would be comfortable as getting the result but it doesn’t seem like that. :( poor me.

Did u think i behaved right? or too impulsive?

I do think if a guy likes a girl he would do anything to keep the girl back. It’s obvious that he doesn’t have strong feelings towards me. But if so, why he always wanted to meet me every weekend? took me to restaurants and accepted to pay expensive cost for taxi to meet me on time, cared about appearances and did what i requested? it’s difficult to understand. :(

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lh

November 6th, 2011 at 07:43

Hey Ohlaalaa,

I’m sorry things turned out this way.

I definitely agree that if a person really loves someone else, he wouldn’t let that person go, but perhaps four months wasn’t sufficient time for both of you to get to know each other…perhaps there wasn’t enough time to fall in love?

It seems there was chemistry between both of you, but perhaps this guy wasn’t looking for something serious…

I think it was great that you confronted him and asked him directly. If he were looking for something serious but wasn’t sure what was happening between you two, he could have said he needed more time etc, but he just chose to end it right there.

The plus side is that he isn’t wasting your time and now you can meet many excellent and gorgeous men! :-D

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Ohlaalaa

November 6th, 2011 at 12:20

Hi 1h,

Thank you for your comment. I totally agree with you that if a guy likes a girl he won’t let a girl goes. My story is quite sad at the end after 4 months. When i shared with a friend, he said that in swedish culture, they are not direct to show feelings and question like that. It seems like my guy was shocked because of my direct words. It’s the reason why he couldn’t say anything. My friend is international student too so I don’t know if it’s true. Hard to figure out but my friend has the same view like you that he might not be serious. But he said that the guy must have much reflection about our conversation. He can contact me again if he is serious. Take time and see. :|

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Emma

November 6th, 2011 at 16:02

Hey everyone! I have read all the comments here and I must say this is a really interesting blog, really helpful too!

So I would like to ask you some questions about a Swede guy I just met. Here’s the story:

I have been planning to move to Stockholm (I am from Spain) since I went to Sweden 2 months ago and I completely fell in love with the country. Well, I visited an online chat for swedish people last week and I met a really nice swedish guy. He asked me for my skype and then he videocalled me that night. I found out he is really (and I mean REALLY) gorgeous. He liked me too. It was like love at first sight. We chatted for 3 hours or so. But I noticed some weird stuff about him that maybe is not that strange for swedish people.

The thing is that if I like a guy, I like to talk to him and get to know him good. Then I would go out with him, and if I really like him I start a relationship and then we have sex (and sometimes have sex before being in the relationship).
Well, he started a good conversation asking me about my life, studies, that kind of stuff. I asked him too. Everything was good but then he asked me when I was planning to go to Stockholm, and if I would like to met him when I am there. I asked “sure”, then he started to get kind of sexual, telling me that I looked hot and that he would like to hook up with me when I am there. I mean, it was okay, kind of joking, he was not being a jerk or trying to push me or anything, I was just surprised that he went to fast with that kind of conversations.

So, my question is, is it normal for swedish guys to talk about sex and stuff if they like a girl? or he is not interested in meeting me and maybe having a relationship but all he wants is just having sex with me when I go to Stockholm? I read somewhere (maybe in this blog, idk) that swedish guys tend to have sex with the girl before going out with her in a more serious way… So I am really lost here.

Thank you and excuse me if the message is really long!

Emma.

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Ohlaalaa

November 9th, 2011 at 23:17

I was quite weak in my case since I couldn’t control myself from calling him today after seeing him online on the dating site with some new pictures. I made a missed call…and he called me back. Then i asked if he wanted to meet today. He said YES right off the bat and he said he would drive the car to pick me up at 7:30pm. But after that in the evening, he went quite early and asked if i could meet him earlier.

We went to a coffee shop and had a nice conversation. We didn’t mention anything about the last meeting. Everything went smoothly, we discussed about every stuff of the life, laughed and enjoyed. Then he got cold so we decided to return home early. But before we left, I told him: Do u know why i meet u today?
my guy: yes.
Great, so can you tell me your answer?
guy It’s hard you know?
I shared with you my serious intention as well as my feelings so now
I would want to know yours.
guy I like you, really like you but i think we should be …….. friends.
because you are from other side of the world
What do u mean for that?
guy I mean you are far from sweden and you will return your country.

I said to him that if the feelings of both are strong enough, develop in future then i will stay here but he still wanted to be friends. I asked if he refers to KK (FWB) he said NO. He never thinks of it. He jst wants to be friends with me. When i asked him why he met me today since he caught cold and actually made decision and also knew my intention. He reasoned that it’s just because he likes me, he likes to meet me and it’s hard for him to say this. (Actually i didn’t see the difficulties as he mentioned.) he seemed to be prepared for the situation, more comfortable than the last meeting. And do u know what, at the beginning of the meeting he asked if i had any plan for Sunday. I said no and he said nothing. But at the end of the meeting he talked about hanging out on Sunday like I agreed to set such plan with him. when he drove me back, he talked so comfortable like friends but not in an effort way impressed me before.

Now i feel better since the case is clear indeed now. He made decision and it meant he might like me but it’s the way he chose. It’s hard to make or force a person like you and love you when he/she doesn’t. So i don’t get hurt for this. It’s not his fault and my fault. Just because we don’t belong together. But i still have question… :|

Why does he want to be friend with me? He is too lonely and wants to have friends from internet? Is such request common in Sweden?

@ Emma: I’m sorry but have to say that you should be careful for being taken advantage. To me, it’s pretty odd if i heard that from a guy before meeting or even after several dates. it’s not a nice joke to be fun around if you are expecting serious things. If you don’t feel comfortable and right about that, you should talk your feelings or thinking and see how he reacts then you will know…. Good luck!

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astre

November 28th, 2011 at 11:42

@Ohlaalaa
The first Swede I dated also had the same problem. I am Asian and will complete my studies here next Summer, and at the time when we dated (only for one month), I intended to stay in Sweden if I meet someone compatible. On our third date he told me he could not decide because he likes me but doesn’t want to be sad if i leave, it was too risky for him because he is not young any more (34years old). I was upset because it was not a good reason for me to break up… I wondered why he asked me out int he first place. However I did eventually found a good reason to agree to split because of irreconcilable differences.
He took about 1.5weeks to think about it and did not have the heart to tell me, I was the one to initiate a split…I was a bit upset about that too.
However, I am glad for his honesty. It could have gone on longer but he was serious about me and didn’t want either of us to get hurt. Similarly, I am glad you have taken your situation in hand and dealt with it with courage. I think this was a good experience for me, because it taught me to ask certain questions when considering a Swedish guy.

Not all guys are afraid of this. I am seeing another Swede now, and the questions on the fear of dating a foreigner were posted to him from the get-go. He believes that if he doesn’t try to date me, know me better and convince me to stay, he would never know and I would leave anyway. He has been interested in me for almost a year, i think he probably likes me enough to want to try, and maybe he is also more courageous in this part of life. He is 30 years old (slightly younger).

@Emma
I am somewhat conservative about intimacy (I do not have sex until some time into a rs)… but i hope you can be careful if you’re expecting a more serious rs with him. Maybe because I’m Asian, but the two Swedes who like me, they did not make sexual remarks or suggestions. They waited for me to initiate intimacy and do not expect or urge me, so I was really comfortable with them. In that aspect I have never doubted their respect or patience for me… nor did I wonder if they asked me out just to get into my pants.
The best way is to tactful clarify with him so you both share the same expectations about your friendship or rs… they appreciated my honesty, clarity and initiative.

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Beth

December 11th, 2011 at 14:40

>If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?

Swedish men would prefer it if you got in touch first, because they’re too shy to make the first move or admit they like you. Preferably via sms or e-mail; romantic calls make them nervous.

>Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?

It’s like a sterile microbial environment, aka “keep your microbes to yourself, I want no part of them”.

>Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?

Not for sure at all. He could be practicing flirting lines in a safe environment, where he cannot be ‘rated’ as a lover.

> Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?

They can.

> Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?

Oh, yes.

>What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?

It’s easier to find one over the Internet, as that’s where they spend their most free time.

>Do Swedish women give the look too?

Yes.

>What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?

They generally don’t mind and they consider it very liberal, especially because there are so many divorced men and women with children over there, so they really have no choice.

>Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?

If they’re drunk they do.

>What are signs of flirtatious behavior?

Good question. I couldn’t understand them even if I lived with a Swede for years.

>Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?

Because they’re afraid of rejection and comparison and are easily intimidated by women, especially West-European looking women.

>Does the ‘player’ culture exist?

Yes.

>How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?

You e-mail him.

>Do they like blonds or brunettes?

Dark-haired, because they look exotic (just like in every country where most people look the same and suddenly one who looks different walks by).

>Is it true Swedes are very rude?

When they drink they are. When they don’t they’re usually too shy to be rude and they rather keep their feelings, either negative or positive, to themselves.

>Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?

No, they find it very convenient that they found someone and don’t have to go through the “meeting new people” torture again. Until children come along and having so many responsibilities is too much for them, so they consider divorce.

>Do they fall in love really hard?

Nope, sorry.

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Sparr

December 13th, 2011 at 00:01

If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?

Preferably so even, myself and most other guys I know need the greenlight equivalent
to a stampede before interacting, when that is done there is no problem for us to instigate action (that sounds vulgar).

Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?

awkward coincidence

Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?

Not necessarily no that depends on the individual after all.

Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?

All shapes and sizes works here as everywhere.

Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?

Well that depends on the level of relationship and what needs to be communicated I’d say(not making it easy am I?).

What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?

Not my area of expertise at all.

Do Swedish women give the look too?

Well, they give A look but not the same no.

What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?

That is a question more regarding personal maturity than anything else in my opinion that said I have and know a couple of guys that has dated single mothers and we are in our mid twenetys.

Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?

Some do some dont, mostly they dont.

What are signs of flirtatious behavior?

The afformentioned look is the most typical example, but witticims are another often used method.

Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?

Two reasons mostly 1) we are quite often hard drinkers thats our drinking culture , seldom but heavily, just as the southern european standard is often but lightly. 2) (And this will make me seem bitter and mean^^) In all honesty a great deal of the swedish females are quite sure that they DESERVE(often heard both from sisters and female friends) a man of intellect, good physical shape, humor and good looks regardless of wich of these traits they themselves can live up to which makes it a drag to try anything untill you’re in an “ah fuck it” stage(yes I know that lowers the odds terribly but thats the way it is).

Does the ‘player’ culture exist?

To some degree yes, most notably the “taking one for the team” part of it.

How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?

I prefer to simply be asked out actually, the only other way anything is happening is probably a result of mutual binge drinking and laxed morals.

Do they like blonds or brunettes?

I prefer redheads or middle-eastern women so to each his own.

Is it true Swedes are very rude?

Seen from most other cultures probably so. It is more a question of what is regarded as polite behavior in different cultures we are often quite “two-faced” not in the backstabbing conniving sense but in they way we behave towards people close to us and to the rest even in social settings unless there is either a clear reason to talk to people (convention, sports etc.) or alcohol. We have an approach to people that could easily be compared to having a professional role, we usually dont show unessecary emotions unless we are with people that we have that type of close connection with which in turn most likely makes us seem rather cold and rude.

Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?

Quite the opposite in my experience the problem here is that we might have sex but have no form of standalised dating culture which makes it awkward and actually hard to progress things into a relationship, almost all of the most round-town friends I have do the ons because that is usually the simplest and often only way to get some… I cannot think of a good english word atm but closeness and tenderness sounds mushy but I will go for that now.

Do they fall in love really hard?

Drinking rules apply, seldom but heavily.

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Choco

December 16th, 2011 at 16:44

Hey, I am curious about a simple thing:

What does it mean for a boy and a girl to hold hands?

I am half Dutch and half Japanese,
In Japan you don’t hold hands unless you’re a couple, or two girls.
In Holland, you could hold hands if you were good friends, but you wouldn’t do it often.

I went clubbing with a bunch of friends and friends of friends,
Some of us were French, Korean, British, and Swedish, all the Swedes were butt drunk.
(That’s the first time I’ve hung out with Swedes, and yes, seems Swedes get drunk a lot.)

And by the time we were leaving the club, one of them just took my hand,
We held hands and walked for some time, and talked randomly, we don’t know each other so well.
After that we talked sometimes over texts and Facebook, but it’s just been two weeks.
Before this we’ve been in some courses at university together, but never actually talked much.

My analysis is he was just wasted, and the other girls were his friends so he couldn’t well do that to them. I get the vibe from this blog that Swedes are very different from other Europeans? Shy?

I don’t trust what people do when they are intoxicated, I’m more dutch on that perspective.
Also, I’m used to French and Japanese men who usually “make the first move”, and show their interest very clearly, whether they are sober or drunk.

Ideas? Shall I keep a tab on him?

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Stardust

December 16th, 2011 at 19:48

I coincidencely found this blog, I met Swede guy from the internet, I am Asian. He greeted me first. And later he said he really like my face and admire my cute face, say romantic stuffs.etc.. We have many things in common. We never talk about money issues, we talked about life and soul, philosophy, arts and musics etc…

He ‘s divorced with 2 kids. He’s 10 years older than me. We ‘ve never met yet but he plan to visit me the end of this year. When we first talked, I never want to know more who he is..he greet me and I greet him, just that! I just want to have friends to share my good/bad things happen in my life. Unknown friends made me more freely talk. Later, he asked me for more pictures of myself and I asked him back too. Then he said I just google his name. I thought it’s funny at that time.
Then I googled his name and found he’s a president of very big company. It’s qutie shocked because I can’t imagine why president like him has to play friend seeker website.
Even Im not rich as he is but I do have my own business and I never care how wealthy he is.
Then we continue chatting for several months, he sends me mails everyday, many time each day when he has free time. He always texts me very sweet and romantic words which made me like walk in the clouds, at that time I do believe it was true. I never have a crush on him before, because he’s older than me 10 years and I prefer Japanese guys not western like him.
But after chatting for a while, I gradually addicted to his charm and his caring even I never want to.

He asked me once, what is my dreams ? I told him as I want to met some guy who we can share both good/bad time together and he wont hurt me. I never mention about getting marriage because I never want to get married, especially paper. But I do want to have a long-term lover.

Later, he texted to me, he said he feel like me very much , always calls me his lover…
but he said he afraid of he might hurt me one day without intention, in every relationship cannot avoid hurting each other.
He wants to have me in his life forever, as good friends.
He cannot come visit me often, then I or him might have partners because we are too far away.
He never wants to get married again or have more kids. So I should meet the right man in this period and he will be happy for me.

after reading It broke my heart but I understand him.
I tried to change my feeling and bury my love for him deep in my heart.

But later, he seems forget everything he texted to me, and act like it never happened, he continue texted me as I am his lover as before, say how much he cares about me, how I am special to him etc….It confused me a lot!

What should I do with him ?
What does he really want from me, sex only ?

After reading this blog, Im totally scared of him and dont wanna get hurt loving him.
I want to stop loving him and tell him my real feeling when we meet, I like him very much and I want to have him in my lfie as long as I could, as friends must be best status among us.

Thank you very much everyone and sorry if my English is not good.

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lh

December 30th, 2011 at 09:39

Stardust honey, you need to drop that man. LEAVE HIM.

I mean, of course I’m not 100% sure but he probably just wants sex and company.

If he’s already told you he’s not planning to marry you or have children, then that’s really how he feels. He’s not playing games, he wasn’t delusional when he said that, no, he meant it.

I think you should really move on (it can be hard, I know), and find a guy who values you and wants the same things you want from life.

Ughh I seriously get so upset when guys take advantage of girls and don’t want anything serious.

Girl Power, Stardust! block him out of your life and find yourself another Swede, a hotter one! yesss ! ;)

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Björn

January 2nd, 2012 at 05:56

@beth

Hard to tell about this guy, I mean he did not want to start something serious because you might hurt eachother. That is ofcourse me assuming that you havent met yet and had sex yet. If you already have then yeah 100% agree with lh dump the bastard. He ist not even worth the battery power to answer a SMS if that is the case. But if you have not had sex yet then maybe there is something there that could flourish (yeah I know that sounds pretty damn gay but if you have a problem with that well yeah FU=P).

But if you already spent the night together then no, he is absolutely just a waste of air to honest. And if that is the case and you want to meet a nice guy, I understand you obviously prefer japanese men but if its a nice guy it doest matter then I will actually recomend this blog. There seem to be quite a few women here who already have their guy but give tips to other women who look for their certain someone. Maybe one of their guys has a brother of friend etc, you never know^^.

@ Sparr

There is only one and only one really awesome tip for me to give. And its not exclusive to swedish guys. Swedish guys just like swedish girls have a high probability of not having a serious relationship at all.

So what you need to do is this. DONT SLEEP WITH THE GUY!, Im absolutely not saying you are that kind of girl. But it seems to me that most women have some sort of strange understanding that if they sleep with a guy the guy will like them. Im sorry but swedish women are not that traditional at all, its not unusual for a swedish woman/man to cheat on their parter during a party such as a wedding or more recently new years eve. Sp deny the guy sex when meeting up, it might be hard but it will be worth it in the end. Be traditional and dont sleep with them as soon as you can but let the wait for it. Because in all honestly if they really like you they can wait for it, and if you really like the guy you can wait for it too.

@ Berzerker

I think I got your email wrong so ill just give mine here for MSN . bjorn_renholm@hotmail.com hopefully youll have better luck adding me than I had than adding you=P. Anyone else wanna add me and maybe wanna have a beer as a tourist or just need a couch to sleep on or just wanna talk sometime or whatever add me=). Just say you are from this blog in the friend request so I know its not some kind of spam.

@ Sapphire

well my email is above, if there is a drinking knight lemme know! ok I dont wanna miss more epic drinking nights! =D.

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Björn

January 2nd, 2012 at 05:57

oops sorta double replied to two different people for the same quoted post. Well thats traditional swedish new years eve for ya. Catch ya when I sober up (13 helgen) ^^

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Some Swede

January 12th, 2012 at 18:51

Well not sure how i ended up here but it’s fun to hear what people think about us swedish people :p
I like most girls but the thing about foregin women is probably true i suppose..
Tough i hardly have the courage to walk up to one while i have no problems approching european women.. Dunno what’s that about? Anyway in-case anyone got questions you can always mail me kazmyihl@hotmail.com Sorry for my crappy english. =)

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Kary

January 19th, 2012 at 14:38

I goggled about Swedish men and I found this site.
I met a Swedish man on the internet last year, and I’ve been falling in love with him.
He told me that he had to work in HK because his dad’s company moved here and asked me if I could be his gf.
He was really nice, kind, handsome….
He persuaded me to be his gf but I said I was not good enough for him.
He also told me that he was so horny, he wanted to meet me because I was cute.
But I felt like he only wanted me for sex.
Moreover, he was at least 10 years older than me.
Everybody says Swedish men are sweet, nice, humorous…
I agree. But the only thing I believe is they are so hard to trust, not honest at all.
You will never know what’s on their mind and they always disappear with no sound.

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Lin

January 22nd, 2012 at 06:31

Well, I love Swedish men:)

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Inanllely Gonzalez

January 29th, 2012 at 03:26

I love this blog. I just came to Stockholm from New York 2 weeks ago and i am interested in dating a Swedish guy. they are soo cute =] I had my doubts when it comes to interracial relationships since i am brown skin and curly hair. I still dont know what they think about me when they see since i look so different next to them.

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Nkosazana

January 29th, 2012 at 16:43

Inanllely Gonzalez

Well, My niece and I are two very black women and we both have had no problem getting QUALITY men (You rarely find them inbars and such though)

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SnowhiteConfusedinSweden

February 12th, 2012 at 00:24

After having started to read this blog a few weeks ago I thought I was beginning to understand the Swedish male and Swedish dating a lot better (thank you!), but now I’m utterly confused and bewildered.
Here’s a question to all the Swedish male readers and all those who have acquired some understanding of how the Swedish male acts and thinks (if there is such a thing as “the” Swedish male, but previous entries seem to suggest there are at least a few similarities and general characteristics that apply to a large group of Swedish males)
So, here’s the story: European non-Swedish girl who has recently moved to Sweden for a job and has the prospect and intention of remaining in Sweden (not for the Swedish guys, but actually because it’s a country that fits her own character and way of life very well). So, the girl sees this very handsome dark haired and blue eyed Swedish guy (what a combination!) regularly in the same place with only minimal interaction (he sells food, she buys food), but regular intense smiling takes place, every single time and the delight at seeing the other person is pretty obvious. After a few months, the first conversation is started, very short and very basic, as the girl’s trying to piece together understandable sentences in the foreign language and there’s not much time to talk. There is however an indication that he has a genuine interest as one of the questions he asks (in Swedish) is “how long are you going to stay here in Sweden?” Fast forward another few weeks. Now the first proper conversation is had, the Swedish guy is extremely flirty, so much so that she’s starting to get a bit frightened at her own courage to actively seek conversation with him. The European girl cautious, but then realises that the Swede really is very special with a very appealing character and wonderful sense of humour (the Smile!). She worries that there is an issue with the type of work he does and the line of work she is in, but then realises that he is more than just a flirt and she really wants to get to know him, regardless of where he works and how much money he may earn. More conversations are had whenever the opportunity presents itself, but the venue of interaction is not really conducive to having a “proper” chat and cuts any interaction short just when the conversation is going places. More weeks pass and the girl gradually realises that she really really likes the guy and wants to go for a drink with him to get to know him better outside of his workplace, to see if this might actually go somewhere at some point, but can’t muster the courage to ask him out. Eventually the opportunity arises to finally ask the Swede if he’d fancy going out some time to a bar. He’s been getting stick from his colleagues for talking too much with her and future interactions will have to be reduced so as not to interfere with his job so she musters all her courage to quickly cobble together a question along the lines of “how about going for a drink then some time, then we can sit and talk in peace and quiet”. He’s extremely positive about the prospect and possibility of going out for a drink, but says he’s broke and has to wait till the next paycheck and it’s the beginning of the month, so this would have to wait a few weeks. The girl’s impatient as she knows she is going to be away for a few weeks with her work and tells him that…. Conversation is cut short as he’s under colleagues’ observation and has to get back to his job, having been told not to get so distracted. So, next day, the girl wants to give the Swede her number or get his so that things can be finally sorted out for a very first proper meeting… no opportunity arises to ask him or get him to take her number, so she comes back again with the number written on a card and a note explaining she’d love to go for that drink some time in the not too distant future, he should choose when and where to meet and slips the note in his pocket while telling him to call her. He’s taken by surprise and repeats, very unhappy, that he is broke and therefore cant go. She says, I can invite you, and you can invite me next time. She makes clear that she’s going away soon and would be nice to meet up before that. No time or chance to strike any deal. He’s got to get back to his work and she’s got to recover from the stress of having mustered all her courage to give him her number. Next thing that happens is NOTHING. She waits, and waits and waits, hoping for a smoke signal. The following week he’s off sick as one of his colleagues mention and the phone stays silent. Now the girl can’t check what the matter is when he’s back at work as she’s away. The big question now is: is it normal for a Swedish guy NOT to call or text after the girl has given him her number, even if he’s interested in the girl? Will he not get in touch until he’s been paid his wages and can buy drinks himself? Does the no-contact mean he’s not interested after all? Or that he’s all of a sudden having second thoughts? Body language, little hints *between the lines” here and there in the conversation and the “look” (!!) seemed all to suggest, loud and clear and very tydligt that there is definite interest and attraction, as did the first reaction to the question if he’d fancy to go to a bar and have a few drinks some time which he seemed in principle to be very enthusiastic about and keen on.
What is happening here? Is he really ill and can’t even lift his hand to write a text message? Is he afraid? is he too shy? Does he have an issue with the money situation that she earns more than he does (not a hell of a lot more, but still…)
Any thoughts on this matter would be most welcome…. The Swede remains a complete mystery to me. Great guy, with the “Look” – and what a look! and what a pair of fine eyes, a heartmelting smile and a very endearing, charming way of trying to impress me and make me feel “at home”. And now that things could have been pursued in a nicer surrounding outside the workplace, now that the opportunity for a real interaction has arisen.
Complete radio silence. Is that normal? Are there other ways of interpreting the situation and the wants and needs and strategies of the Swedish male??

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ewashington7000

February 16th, 2012 at 09:00

@ Heidar or (anybody else)

I have a question for you.

In your opinion, what is considered to be a romantic gesture to show towards a Swedish Lady?

Typically, I do not have such difficulties discerning such with American women.

But this lovely Swedish lady here seems to be puzzling me. :-)

A few weeks ago, I have had a rather interesting conversation with this same Swedish lady regarding what she and other Swedish women consider or view to be romantic gestures from men.

Personally, she has told me that she does not really consider receiving flowers to be a romantic gesture. In fact, she is not even into Valentine’s Day. (For the record, neither am I, although I am naturally quite affectionate and romantic.)

But within my talks with her regarding these things several weeks ago, I have reavealed my feelings to her, honestly expressing my emotions, exposing my soul. Now in so doing this, she has indicated to me that the very act of me honestly revealing my feelings for her is that which she considers to be a “romantic gesture” on my part; and that she feels that many Swedish women will agree with her in this matter.

Now this seems to have given me some valuable insight into certain aspects of Swedish “romantic” culture.

To the matter at hand, today she has told me that this same guy in Sweden has apparently sent her some flowers, of which she has not yet received. (Honestly, I have thought this to be a kind, romantic gestrure on his part.)

She also says that she feels “awkward” for receiving these flowers on Valentines Day from him because she has never told him that she likes flowers; and she has articulated again that “it’s not like they are even within any ‘committed relationship’ or anything.”(Go figure. I almost passed out due to the irony when I heard this.)

But she has emphasized to me that although she does not like flowers, it is the thought behind the flowers that she views to be nice, of which I agree.

So, this “flower act” has gotten me wondering how I may naturally continue to be the romantic or affectionate soldier that I am around her, given that I have already taken a step back, even that she may attend to her “obligations” and feelings accordingly. (I’m trying to respect ALL boundaries).

I know that today, for instance, she has NOT been feeling well. In fact, she actually has a nasty head cold.

So, since I know that after acting school, we usually both take the same public transportation home individually, naturally, even out of concern for her well-being, I have hailed a cab for both she and I, even that she may get home and rest as soon as possible.

Again, naturally, I have fully paid for this cab, although she has tried to split the fare with me. [I will add that during this cab ride, she has asked me whether I am "cold," since we've been standing outside in chilly weather. As a result, I have felt prompted to place my arm around her during this cab ride, cuddling with her, even that she may feel less cold. She has plainly told me that she can feel her body warming up. She's quite clever I tell you. ; )]As myself, I have insisted to pay the fare; and she has actually felt confortable with this.

Briefly, I have escorted her to a local market, and then to her house, when she has held on to my arm the entire time. I gave her a hug goodbye and that was all.

Now call me crazy but I am sensing that she seems to be “comfortable,” (perhaps even desirous) of me to treat her in this “manner.” I have asked her to forgive me if I have overstepped any boundaries or have made her feel uncomfortable with my actions, but she has INSISTED that I have NOT.

Therefore, I am wondering whether you know any other ways that I may be “non-romantically” romantic with this beautiful Swedish lady, since, technically, she is still “comittedly” not commited to this same guy in Sweden, even this guy whom she views to be potentially “the guy of her dreams,” despite NOT disclosing her inner most feelings with him, even as she may (or ought) to do with potentially “the guy of her dreams.”

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fff

February 16th, 2012 at 13:49

wow, Just read the posts, I have nothing to contribute, but now that I’m thinking about it, what do Swedish males consider to be quite nice and romantic gestures from the female of the species.

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Heidar

February 16th, 2012 at 16:48

@ewashington7000:

Wow. Well… In my eyes, you seem to be doing pretty well, all things considered. Until she’s worked things out with the guy in Sweden, I’d say the best way to go is just to continue to be helpful, charming and at the same time “chivalrous”, really. Going out for activities not traditionally romantic might be a good option (of course taking heed of individual interests and such): mini-golfing, sightseeing, going to zoos, amusement parks, museums and art galleries, and so on. Basically, everything that might be considered cultural (whether traditional or “mainstream”) is probably a safe bet, as it allows friendly interaction while not being necessarily romantic (in other words, it might be a good idea to stay away from bar-hopping and movie theatres, unless she’s the one who suggests it).

Again, take note of the dichotomy between her words and actions/reactions. In Sweden women are “supposed” to be independent and not rely on men for anything no matter what, but on a personal level (just as about 99% of all other women who aren’t die-hard feminists) she feels flattered by traditional chivalrous behaviour, despite not being “supposed” to; this appears to be true on a romantic as well as non-romantic level.

So yeah. On with the chivalry!

@fff:

As long as you don’t yell or berate Swedish men for no rational reason, you’re pretty much good to go ^_^
Seriously, though: many (actually, most, sadly) Swedish men are accustomed to women essentially treating them like a lower form of life, so just being friendly is a big step in the right direction. Many Swedish men would like to be traditionally “manly” and “chivalrous” toward women, however decades of politically sanctioned anti-masculinity measures in Sweden have served to make most of them deathly afraid of acting on these impulses, for fear of being berated, yelled at, and even socially stigmatized (it sounds horrific and utterly irrational, but this actually occurs). In other words, “allowing” Swedish men to be manly and chivalrous toward you, and encouraging that behaviour in him, will make many of them fall like leaves in autumn, so to speak.

Actually, I believe now might be a good time to explain a few cultural/social nuances about Sweden and political feminism.

In Sweden, as many of you know, feminism is a big deal. In terms of equal rights and whatnot, this is perfectly fine; most people, men and women, agree on this. However, in Sweden many self-proclaimed feminists and “genusvetare” (i.e.: students of gender roles) have basically declared all traditionally manly or womanly behaviour to be essentially heretical. The basic line of thinking is that traditional gender roles have nothing to do with biological mechanisms, but are 100% the result of socially engendered gender roles. Therefore, they reason, all such behaviour must necessarily be bad and should be eradicated wherever found.

Setting aside that a fair bit (though certainly not all) of “traditional” gender behaviour is actually the direct result of biological differences (biologists agree with me on this, “genusvetare” and feminists do not – who do you trust more?), individuals may still desire to act in a certain way that might be in line with the traditional gender roles. However, rather than accept and encourage these individual choices, many feminists and genusvetare actively berate them, becuase in their eyes “no one” could possibly, in a million years, choose to act in any way even remotely close to the traditional gender roles of their own free will. In other words, they actively accuse these people of being brainwashed by “stone age” society…while at the same time doing everything in their power to brainwash them in the name of feminism and supposed equality!

This has had an impact not just on the political and social scene, but on the legal scene as well; today, it is extremely easy for a man to get sentenced to jail completely without evidence – as long as the supposed crimed was carried out against a woman. Even worse, it is not uncommon for the accused man to get sentenced to jail despite all the available evidence supporting his complete innocence.

To get an idea of why this is even worse still, observe how things are *supposed* to work in a Swedish court of law:
Step 1: The accuser must be able to prove that a crime has been committed.
Step 2: The accuser must be able to prove that the accused person was the one who committed the crime.
Step 3: The accused is deemed guilty and sentenced. Circumstantial evidence may lessen or increase the severity of the sentence.

Swedish law explicitly states that no man (or woman) may be sentenced unless it has been proven “beyond the shadow of a doubt” both that a crime has been committed, and that the (wo)man in question is the guilty party; circumstantial evidence can only affect the severity of the sentence, not whether or not someone is deemed guilty.

Despite these “safeguards” (which don’t work anyway, due to a particular set of laws I’ll get into later), in recent decades (and particularly in the last ten years or so) men are regularly sentenced when there is not only no available evidence that they have committed a crime, but when there is no evidence a crime has even been committed in the first place!

Why? Because women are automatically considered to be “better” (i.e.: more truthful, more moral, more intelligent, etc) than men; basically, the operative legal stance is that a woman can do no wrong except under VERY extreme circumstances; a man, by contrast, can do just about anything, even if there is no rational (or even logical) reason for him to have done anything at all under the circumstances.

In other words, Sweden does not have anything remotely like “equality”. Rather, the ultra-feminists have seen to it that men are (when it comes to legal matters and in the home, anyway) basically second-class citizens, able to be sentenced purely from circumstantial evidence (despite this being AGAINST THE LAW), and in some cases even when all available evidence points to their innocence!

Now, as for how this can be accomplished: In Sweden, there exists two very important laws, called “fri bevisföring” and “fri bevisprövning”, respectively. The first one means that the parties can present any evidence they wish, whether it has any validity to the case or not; the court is still able to reject obviously outrageous evidence (such as a newspaper clipping regarding a dog beauty pageant), but for the most part, the parties can present anything. The law also means that the court has no obligation whatsoever to even attempt to gather evidence in favour of either party, and that it is up to the accused him/herself to gather and present such evidence; the court does not even have the obligation to read the preliminary inquiry (!). The second one means that the individual court can basically evaluate evidence based on their own moral and ethical values; in other words, no rational thinking or even basic logic needs to be applied when evaluating evidence.

The following example is outrageous, but bear with me: Assume a person is accused of murdering another person by way of strangulation. The accused individual’s fingerprints are on the deceased’s neck, the police found the accused in the middle of strangling the victim, and there is a high-definition videotape clearly showing the entire scene as it happened, from several different angles, with both the victim and accused’s faces clearly shown at all times.

Thanks to the law of “fri bevisföring”, if s/he so wants, the judge can choose to ignore all that and allow the accused to go free.

And in Sweden, due to political feminism, when a woman accuses a man of a crime, the judge is far more likely than usual to misuse the law of “fri bevisföring”. This is even more likely to occur if the man in question is of foreign descent or has a foreign name (even if his family has lived in Sweden for the past five generations).

So the biggest reason Swedish men aren’t traditionally manly anymore? Because if they were they would most likely end up in jail in a hurry.

In a bizarre twist, because of this, many men instead choose to become assholes, and because this generally prevents them from ending up in such potentially “volatile” situations with women in the first place, they generally get away scot-free (but usually woman-less).

All hail Sweden, land of equality!

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ewashington7000

February 16th, 2012 at 18:55

@ Heidar

Again, you seem to possess a rather unique sagacity into these matters. For this, I am indebted to you. Tack.

But there is one caveat: namely, that she has been the one who’s been “insisting” on going to the movies theaters and other things of the sort.

That is, Initially, I have brought up these ideas to her, merely to be friendly; but with her recent guttural response due to our incidentally accidental “kiss,” I have hesitated somewhat with following through with these activities.

But now my attitude is back to being respectfully nonchalant on the matters, even with a romantic tinge. ; )

We’re going hiking and pistol shooting soon.

(Interestingly, oftentimes, when we try to rehearse our upcoming scenes together, the day/night eventually becomes one where we just merely enjoy each others company, talking and laughing. Tack

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Heidar

February 16th, 2012 at 19:43

You are most welcome! It is a welcome change of pace for me to encounter someone actually willing to listen to my advice :)

Given that she is the one initiating these potentially romantic encounters, it appears to me that she is either oblivious (unlikely, given the conversations you’ve shared) or that she is genuinely attracted to you on a romantic level, and despite her “obligations” does not wish to let go of you until she is 100% certain of her feelings toward the man in Sweden. Which, of course, could possibly be construed as her being very selfish, but most likely just stems from her feelings of insecurity in romantic matters, as discussed previously.

To my eyes, it appears that as long as you keep your own actions on a “safe” level – that is, you continue to act charming and chivalrous toward her, without initiating any romantic overtures yourself – there is little to no risk of anything going wrong. The only caveat, as you say, lies in *her* initiating romantic overtures; in these cases it is almost impossible to make an overall judgment, but rather you will have to judge every situation by itself, which is far from a simple matter, especially given the recent history you’ve shared.

Without going into the specifics of each individual incident, I believe it might be wise to treat such overtures nonchalantly – that is, act as if they’re no big deal, but also not to reject any advances she might make. Which is far, far harder than I make it sound, I know; it is a lot easier to stay composed when writing about a romantic situation, and much less so when one is actually in it.

The hiking and pistol shooting both sound like perfect activities, given your situation. Excellent choices!

As for day and night coming together, you know what they say: Time flies when you’re having a good time ;)

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fff

February 16th, 2012 at 21:32

Heidar , what you just wrote, is just immense and intense. Thank you for sharing that. I look up to Sweden for the “egalitarian” society, but it isn’t really as such then if all this fight for women’s equality with men has driven society to make them (men) in turn a much weaker gender. I am curious to know then, are there more women like you who recognise this as such? or is it somewhat seen as weakness or being less feminist if you think that way? (Do I even make sense? sorry.. I shall read and absorb your words once more)

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fff

February 16th, 2012 at 21:39

wait you are a guy oops, but still the question remains. are there a lot of women who recognises this faux equality but prefers to stay mum since it might be a sign of weakness or that you are not campaigning for your gender.

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Heidar

February 16th, 2012 at 22:22

…Yes, I am indeed a man :p

Well, to be perfectly honest, most are unaware of the sheer immensity of the situation. Most Swedish women milk the situation for all it’s worth, though, whether they realize its sheer scope or not; the ones that realize and dislike the situation, and speak out about it, are generally seen as “backwards”, “unenlightened”, “misled” etc in the eyes of the die-hard feminists, and are usually either ignored or talked down to for their supposed “ignorance” (when in reality it’s the other way around).

That men still make more money than women in a fairly large number of professions (a REAL inequality), feminists use as their go-to excuse of choice when campaigning to reduce men’s rights and/or influence on the social and political level. That male politicians who are not outspoken feminists, afraid to be called out as male pigs/chauvinists/whatever in the media, allow or even actively support these measures just makes it worse.

Basically, while men who try to “campaign” or speak out for TRUE equality are reviled as chauvinistic monsters (even when there is not even a hint of a suggestion of anything remotely resembling chauvinism in their arguments whatsoever), women who do the same are “only” seen as ignorant or misled (by men, of course); yet another set of double-standards the feminists themselves are either oblivious to or purposely ignore.

Regardless of the truth of the matter, the irony seems completely lost on the feminists that they are *themselves* enforcing arbitrary gender roles (new ones, to be true, but gender roles nonetheless) by preventing women from acting “womanly” and men from acting “manly” whether they themselves like it or not. Doubly so for women, as they “must” be independent, self-sufficient and not depend on men for anything or be considered anti-feminist.

Sadly, self-awareness is a trait I only rarely encounter in other human beings, and even less so among the ones somehow engaged in politics; throughout my life I have not met a single politician of above-average intelligence (and I’ve met or otherwise conversed with a large number of politicians from the local level all the way up to government), and an alarming number with below-average intelligence. Considering that “average” human intelligence isn’t exactly impressive either just makes it worse.

…Sorry, I don’t mean to drag the thread down or anything; I just tend to get worked up when discussing the sorry state of human civilization.

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fff

February 17th, 2012 at 03:01

I do have to say I quite admire Swedish women’s propensity for feminism, or for breaking down gender roles. I just didn’t realise this of course entailed not making it equal but just turning the tables, somewhat. I wonder if any Swedish girl has her take on this. Haha, sorry, I’m not even in Sweden, nor been there but it’s just really quite interesting. Coming from a society that’s full of conservative morals and mores, and where men have so much machismo (ugh), the less than manly Swedish male just seems quite attractive. Actually I probably shouldn’t call it less than manly, it is just quite refreshing than where I am where males should be all tough, and brawn and saviours to damsels in distress, and you can be considered a homosexual if you are less macho.

Anyway, sorry to veer from the topic, I really came here mostly because a Swedish male is discombobulating me. I doubt he is interested in me but I would like to somewhat show I am without telling him. (at least that way, if rejected or if I misread I can always take it back. hahaha)

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Heidar

February 17th, 2012 at 07:16

Just stick with “less macho” rather than “less manly” and you’ll be fine ;)

As for how to show you’re interested without telling him, that’s gonna be tough. For the aforementioned reasons of militant feminism, Swedish men rarely make or respond to romantic interactions with women unless A) drunk, or B) the woman has made it VERY clear that she is romantically interested (the reason being, of course, to avoid the risk of “offending” a woman, which in Swedish society, as you now know, could have some very serious social, and in (slightly) rarer cases, legal consequences). More “continental” Swedish men are less likely to abide these two stereotypes, but generally speaking, that’s the way it is.

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ewashington7000

February 17th, 2012 at 13:21

@ Heidar

Interesting….

Interpersonally, the corollaries of the current brand of Swedish feminism within Sweden seems to be rather perplexing to say the least. (It is definitely nonplusing to me.) This may explain some of this Swedish lady’s behaviors towards me.

Now when she has first charactirezed the feminism movement within Sweden as “extreme” to me, I have not properly understood to what degree/extent she has meant….until now.

Thus, it is almost as though that the gender role that she appears to be accustomed to play in Sweden highly resembles the gender role that I am accustomed to play within the US, excepting, among many other things, ironically, that both she and I are actually very sensitive and affectionate at the core, individually.

Again, she’s mentioned to me that she is not wont to a man being so confident with her as I have been nor is she used to being treated so nice or “spoiled,” as she refers to it. (I’ve been simply respectful, chivalrous, and gentlemanlike towards her.)

But this has created rather awkward moments. In fact, she’s broken down to me and have cried (publicly) recently, even due to some pent up feelings/emotions that she has been experiencing. Apparently, such a public display of inner emotion is rare to her, even as, according to her, such outward expressions are often frowned upon in Sweden.

I guess that this further serves to evidence the dichotomy, even ambivalence, that seems to be present within many Swedish women, especially this lady, regarding gender role playing and romance.

That is, on the one hand, she seems to want to demonstrate her purported “independence” to me (i.e., no man or woman whatsoever is “independent” – strictly speaking – in my esteem, but rather “interdependent”); yet, on the other hand, she (deeply) desires a man to be kind, sweet, nice, bold, and and/or chivalrous towards, or with, her – i.e., to simply “love” her.

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Ayxiral

February 25th, 2012 at 02:49

This has been hilarious to read and very informative as well. I’d love to meet a nice Swedish guy but I’m strandred in the UK with… well, the men here *sigh* Maybe one day :)

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Estelliane

February 25th, 2012 at 21:26

Ayxiral, all my sympathy to you! I live in the UK where men are *sigh* indeed! :p

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Kiedra

March 2nd, 2012 at 03:53

I stumbled upon this blog a week ago and it has been a marvelous read! And the funny and insightful comments have definitatly been of much value.

I wish there was a similar blog for Norwegian men,though I realise Scandinavians do have quite a bit of shared culture. My cousin is married toa lovely Swedish man whom she met in the US. .

Quite the interracial love story as we’re Asian -overseas Chinese in fact.

My Norwegian whom I have been talking with via IM doesn’t understand the shared but at the sametime wildly distinct difference between mainland Chinese and Chinese diaspora. Much like how I don’t knowmuch of the difference between Swedish,Danish and Norwegian culture. So similar but with their own important and distinct flavors.
:)

But I care about and want to learn more about his culture but he just lumps Asian values as conservative, male dominated, with parents who demand fillal piety at the cost of their children’s happiness et c.

There has to be some middle ground between “so egalitarian that females get upset that a guy does something sweet like holding the door” (not that i don’t hold doors open for people of any gender – i see it as courtesy) and “so unequal that sons are preferred and the greatgrandson of direct male descent is considered the equal of his uncles and higher than his the female descendants of the patriarch”. :)

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ohlaalaa

March 10th, 2012 at 23:52

I’m really unsure about this case. Can you guy please give some explanation?

I’m 29 29 yrd from Asia and i dated a swedish guy (34) for 4 months and then had a 3 month break because though he liked me (as he said), he was afraid of cultural difference. He suggested we could be friends. I didnt say anything about his suggestion. And we fell into a long time break (3 months) without contacting each other.

Then, one day i spontaneously contacted him to ask if he was free and wanted to have fika. He was really surprised and happy. He said with cheerful voice that he would do if I would like to. Then I asked him to be in downtown at 1:30 pm even though at that time it’s 12:45. His home is quite far from center so he asked for being a bit late but i said No. Then he had to run to take the bus to meet me.

After the meeting, he didnt contact me again and me either. After 3 weeks, I called him again for help. I asked him if he wanted the skype or face-to-face conversation. He chose the second one…..

After the long break, i think being friends can be good also but wonder if this guy just wants to be friends or he actually likes me or something else? he doesn’t contact me but if i contact him first and ask to meet in certain time, he would do so.

If he likes me, why doesnt he contact?

If he jst wants to be friends, why did he have to do as being told (meet me when i suddenly made a call)?

I dont think he wants to take advantage because he is a gentle and polite guy. He has never mentioned about sex or behaved badly. So I don’t understand …

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Heidar

March 11th, 2012 at 09:30

It’s hard to be certain, but it would appear he is one of those Swedes who have basically “given up” pursuing women due to bad experiences in the past; if you’ve read the comments on the blog you’re probably aware that the male/female “equality” thing is a *bit* messed up in Sweden, and one of the more, shall we say, “obvious” sympthoms of this lies in how many (many, many) Swedish women treat men like some sort of lower life form to be scorned, insulted, abused and taken advantage of at every opportunity. Because of this, those Swedish men who actively pursue women are often treated very badly indeed, and it’s not uncommon for them to eventually lose all hope about finding a woman this way and decide that “screw it, women don’t want me pursuing them anyway, so there’s no point”, thus ceasing all attempts to do so. If such a man is indeed interested, however, he is likely to be very accomodating (in some cases even openly subservient) towards women who take the first (and second, and third) step, but at the same time is unlikely to actively pursue them for fear of being scorned or dumped yet again.

Of course, there’s also the possibility he is just naturally submissive.

Either way, if you want things to progress romantically, and not just stay on the friendship level (which could be nice too, of course), then you’ll pretty much have to take charge of the situation. It might also be a good idea to make certain he is not seeing someone else (you’ve probably done this already, but you didn’t mention it in your post, so…).

It is also worth mentioning that many Swedish men are very open and honest, but at the same time unwilling to voice their opinion unless asked (again, mostly because of all the scorn they’ve received from Swedish women), so if you truly want to know if there is the possibility of romance between the two of you (and you’re feeling impatient), ask something along the lines of “Disregarding the cultural differences and other possible obstacles, are you or are you not romantically attracted to me?” The exact phrasing should be adapted to the situation (and your personality) of course, but I think you get the gist of it. If he’s a typical “scorned Swede”, then he’ll most likely respond with either A) a bunch of nervous fidgeting (which, I understand, many foreign women find adorable, so I guess that’s to be considered a bonus) followed by a completely honest answer; or B) a serious, matter-of-fact, and completely honest answer, maybe or maybe not followed by the admission that he is normally afraid to voice such things because of past experiences.

Good luck :)

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ohlaalaa

March 11th, 2012 at 20:15

Hi Heidar,

Thanks for your quick & useful feedback. I did guess he is passive because he is a pisces man and grown up in this culture but then i also have other thought that he might not have any feelings but an interest of being friends.

I got confused because when i called him yesterday to talk about one issue and then he suggested to meet today. But I’m busy then he suggested to meet on Tuesday and then Friday. He really wants to meet but never makes call or text first. Quite strange! He is there on the dating site, never call me or text but when i do he will accept right off :|

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Dennis (22 yr swede)

March 20th, 2012 at 17:51

i dont know how i found this site, but i think its quite amusing there´s a whole website dedicated so swedish behaviour since i´m swedish myself.

For your questions, you can´t just generalize like that “do swedish men prefer blalbla..” Not everybody is the same1 Its like asking “does americans like meat?” The answer would of course be, some do, some dont. Im ceraintly no psychologist, but i´ve made a few observations on my own people:

Every day it´s being more important that women should decide just as much as a man, if you tell someone that you´re girlfriend does all the laundry for example, all the women in the group will react in a very bad way. So, men are being less bossy which in some cases makes the women the alpha of the relationship. This makes a lot of the alpha women irritaded and rude because their man has no spine which is understandable. I dont think any women would like a man like that! So its sort of an evil circle. These women go out, continuing being irritaded and rude, while the men go out like betamales (not all, but some).

In general I can say this about swedish men: We are not the loudest nor often the center of attention, but we take great pride in ourselves and in our women, and when it comes down, we would never let something happen to our own lady! (everyone I know including mysfelf)

If you´re not meeting any decent swedish men I think you´re looking in the wrong place, we have a different culture so the same types of swedish men that you look for in a american one maybe wont be at the same type of place. im sorry to tell you this but no. Most swedes wont go for a heavy set women

And for haircolor: seriously, who cares? :P

good luck figuering the swedish people! /D

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Dra Hertz

March 26th, 2012 at 08:13

Hello as i’ve read more than US have/want something with a Swdish guy. Well….I’m not the exception. I meet this man in dates a site almost a year ago, at first I wasn’t very interested in him (as well you describe them: dry, cold and hard to understand : S) but after seeing us in cam to cam, he insisted on seeing me ( i dont like to one guy see me if Im not “fixed” but always he insisted on seeing me, know so natural…One day he said he want to see me how i was looking when we woke up together “shy? he does not know that word, at least via msn or skype by the way he speak pretty well spanish) then he begin to send me text messages and they escalated … So this guy tells me he want we meet in Paris this year and spend a couple of days together and see how it goes (haha not wrong in all that you said about the first he wants something and then..we shall see) all the times he tell me nice things but I have many doubts… One day WHEN I ASK HIM TO TEACH ME SOME SWEDISH HE KINDLY RESPONDED ME THAT HE WILL BUT WHEN WE GOT MARRIED (SERIOUSLY, EXACTLY WHAT MEANS THAT?) probably hi IS taking advantage of me and just want sex (deliberately I also want but not only that, you know what i mean?) somehow he has gotten one place into my heart and we have enough desire and illusion of knowing each other, He offered to pay half of my expenses because I’m much further (I’m Mexican) do not know whether if He is honest.
I’m a cute white skin and dark brown hair with brown eyes, but a little overweight and with a lot of curves…We have seen each other and he knows how I look and even so.. He I said he loved it which is wonderful to see me and desires me (i know i know this sucks but how much of this I can believe?) He says he’s a lawyer, I’m a doctor…I always ask him why so serious? and says it is his neutral face hahah I like to laugh, but right now we had lost contact because my work, now we only go on weekends but during the week leaves me msgs or sends me emoticons with kisses, hugs and flowers (already haha ??¬ ¬ ‘) he wake up super early in the morning before getting to work and I stay up till late to spend time together, you know that time zones… He concerns about me?He worth the effort Or just? …
Can someone explain and help me please? (sorry for my english i just speak a little bit :) Greets!!!

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sweetgirl

April 3rd, 2012 at 14:54

hi ! i am enjoying reading this forum, and it is very funny and its seems all is very true. there are some experience same as mine lol!

let me share my experience about this long time ago.,i meet a swede guy online and he is very friendly and funny person, very attractive , have a good sense of humor. i enjoyed talking to him through chatting. time was very fast, for a weeks we been chatting he visited in my country. and he invited me to a dinner. after our sweet dinner, (i figured it very sweet because it seems that we both like each other at first and yes he mentioned that he like me) after dinner we kissed felt that their is a connection for both of us.. and after a week he invited me again for a vacation. well i like him!,why not i won’t go with him. we spending a few days for vacation. knowing each other more. we having parties, went to the club and drinking. meeting new friends etc. and as we stayed together for a few days something happen. yet we drink but not drunk! nextday i go back home and he left in the place. he send me to train station and kissed he. he always says that we just only friends not more than that. it was so hurt inside knowing myself that i am falling inlove with him.as i got home he contacted me if i am go home safe. in few days we still contact and after a weeks nothing at all. its so sad and hurt i was found out that he had other girl with him. they been together for weeks and few days of that they been into a relationship to that girl. i was thinking that he just only taking for granted on my feelings toward him. but i was felt pity and hatered with him, pity because the girl is just only playing with him. hatered because of what he did with me. and i don’t know if i would be happy now as their relationship is not succesful and he ended up single?

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OlafKnute

April 3rd, 2012 at 23:59

Hi. Norwegian/Swedish-American here. Studied in both N/S, when young. Noticed they always brought up Feminist rights and history and so on. They said that Norwegian women were strong and independent, had the keys to the house and ran the farm when the men went out trading or raiding or fishing in the summer. Not aware if Norway has gone so far as it sounds like it has in Sweden. Married a strong and independent Norwegian-American girl. Being a little bit stronger willed, I claim to have the final say in the house but try not to use that authority unless there is some major disagreement or we are running out of money. I make a point that it is not my place to tell my wife what to do. Our 8 year old daughter, on the other hand, is extremely strong willed! And very smart. I have to be vary careful when exerting authority with her or else it blows up into a giant fight, which is pretty much every time! She is certainly a decedent of vikings.

Can’t help but be amused by all the talk about equality. I presume to be older than the average reader here as not in the dating game any more. Here is my observation. It is human nature to want to be the boss. Kids try to be bossy. Grown ups are better at hiding it and seeking out signs before trying to assert authority. Human groups always establish a social hierarchy and order. All businesses have bosses, sports teams have coaches and captains. Families have heads. Even groups of friends try to out do each other in what ever they are doing, in a friendly way. Clubs have presidents and ships have captains. Towns have mayors. Face book counts friends. Much of life is competition.

Youngsters entering these social groups are quick to try to assert their place and try to gain an upward social/economic trajectory. Even though they are likely no more intelligent or capable then the generation before them, they often think they are. When we get into a family situation, which is the ultimate goal of the dating game, the comparative strengths of the parties will eventually become apparent. All people have some strengths. My wife is much more personable than I am, so I let her answer the phone and she is the primary parent. When it comes to evaluating any thing dealing with the laws of physics, I have pretty much the first and last say. I insist that there be reason and logic behind any family decisions. Personal preference is a perfectly logical reason, by the way.

Do have a question for the Swedes. Have heard in the news some things about concentrated immigrants that are nominally followers of mohomad. This whole dating conversation involving foreigners implies assimilating in some way with Swedish society and the followers of mohomad do not seem to be assimilating. Do not see any names or comments on this blog from people that lead me to believe they come from countries where the majority of people follow mohomad. Do they fit in well in Sweden? I would guess that culture is diametrically opposed to feminine equality in Sweden.

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Sapphire

April 4th, 2012 at 12:29

@sweetgirl – I would be very pissed off and hurt too if that happened to me.

My advice is to chuck him out the door and out of your life. He invites you on a vacation and only wants to be friends? You barely know so there’s no history of friendship.

Lesson to learn is to ask upfront first, “are you inviting me because you like me or because you want to be friends?”

@OlafKnute – Well put about the ‘bosses’ analogy.

To answer your question, I don’t remember having a reader/commenter that was Muslim in Sweden discussing dating (maybe one, but feminism wasn’t a question, confusion with men was).

I also presume when you say, “followers of mohomad” you mean those practicing Islam. If not, please explain.

Either way, I don’t have an answer to you question.

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sweetgirl

April 8th, 2012 at 02:30

@sapphire yes it was very hurt for me before. i was ended up crying all night when i saw their picture together. knowing that it is easy for him to get other girl to hangout with. and was so wondering that time because the girl is married i wonder if he knows it or not. and you know what? after a weeks he delete me in hes list. duh! but before that he know of whats my feelings inside i told him honestly that i fall in love with him. but sad to say he cant love me in returned. yet so confused we act like a true lover on our vacation, not just a friend so weird. what you think of this situation?

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Mike

April 14th, 2012 at 12:51

I am English and my girlfriend is Swedish. It’s true that Swedish women are much more confident and dominant, but that is a good thing. When I used to date English girls I always felt like their father! It’s refreshing being with a woman who can be independent and assertive.
My girlfriend says she find Swedish men too passive and likes the challenge of being with a guy that stands up to her (in a nice way of course).
Anyway, both Swedish men and women are very friendly, interesting people, so you are all aces in my book!

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Samie

April 20th, 2012 at 17:37

I have a story with a swede too, that i would love to share but he’s kind of a public person and someone could figure it out even if I don’t give the real names..
But ye, swedes are hard to catch, mysterious, they never tell what they REALLY feel unless they’re drunk (and even if theyre drunk they won’t really tell, they’ll show by hugging you and being overly nice asking how you doing all the time) they’re really passionate sometimes but the day after is always a question, cus they won’t really let you know they had a good time, unless you ASK them.
And by the end of our relationship, he told me he ‘liked me so much, but was afraid of loving me’ so he broke up with me. And of course I was like ‘what’s the problem with love?’ so I loved him even more.
But my advice is the same as having some kind of relationship with anyone in the world; understand them, get the signs, if they don’t want you anymore, don’t denial it. go live your own life do your thing be the best you can be, and somebody else will show up for eventually, and maybe that could be the one who dumped you.

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Niki

April 23rd, 2012 at 09:34

Hello!

I´m coming in Sweden in July for a year! I love new cultures and new experiences that´s why i choose to come in Sweden (as an exchange student i could go anywhere in Europe but i choose Sweden:p). I am from Cyprus so scandinavia seems very different for me!
So i wanted to be prepared for what i will live during this 1 year and i was reading in blogs abobut life in Sweden and things like that, and i found this blog which is really interesting!
and seriously im really looking forward to move in sweden and meet as many people as i can!!!!! :)

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NEamericanGirl

April 30th, 2012 at 17:52

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A SWEDISH GUY LIKES YOU???!!!!

I will sum up my story to make this short and sweet.

Met over spring break about a month ago. Yes we were both drunk but some how managed to meet on a beach filled with hundreds of “young adults”. He had an accent. Asked him where he was from and what do you know, he was from Sweden! Been going to school (college) here for 3 years now. I’m pretty spunky and I put on a tough/sassy front with guys which I obviously used on him. Let him know that his accent meant nothing to me as it might have made other girls drool. He just laughed and said he liked my attitude. He thought it was fun! There was obvious mutual attraction and flirting and Im sure the alcohol had something to do with his openness. Well, I invited him down to back to the hotel for a shot to see if he wanted to hang out with me and he did :) We ended up hanging out the rest of the night and hooked up (amazing btw). And hung out the last day of both of our spring breaks.

Now, we talked/texted/skyped pretty much everyday since we met! Mind you, I live in the northeastern part of the U.S. and he lives down in Florida for school. I liked him too much to never see him again so I was VERY determined to visit him. He said he wanted the same and what ended up happening is that he flew up just last week to see me!

All he did was pay for his plane ticket and I paid for everything else, i.e., hotel, gas, food, etc. I was more than happy to since I wanted to him to have an amazing trip and to leave knowing that I took more than good care of him. He did pay for at least 2 of the dinners since he insisted on paying. Overall, we both had an amazing time with each other! There were just some few awkward moments where we didn’t know how to kiss each other (Swedish guys kiss differently??) and it almost seemed as if he didn’t know how to be affectionate towards me. I thought he hesitated a lot because he didn’t know how I would react. Conversation wasn’t too bad. I really wanted to see how he felt about me but I did not want to scare him away with such questions. I’m still wondering!

Now, he’s back at school and I’m left here wondering if he likes me? or did he come up here since he kinda liked me AND wanted to get away from school since the opportunity presented itself?? I DONT KNOW. I don’t want to ask because I can tell he’s not very expressive of his feelings! He did send a gift he meant to bring to me on his visit though via priority shipping. It was a box of truffles he bought from Geneva, Switzerland and a USB jump drive of the photos he took during his stay here along with a short note reading, “I was about to write a lot but just let me know when you come to Barca :)” What the hell does this mean?? This kid is so hard to read it drives me insane!

Sorry this is so long but here is my problem….Is he just being nice and talking to me still because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings? Or is everything I just mentioned beforehand proof that he does like me and I should just be patient with him?? He did extend an invitation, which I accepted, to stay with him in Spain over to summer if I wanted to visit. For some reason I feel like that is just him being nice? This guy is amazing and I really want to get to know him more and really connect with him. When we do seem to connect, it then seems like it gets cut off in a second and Im left wondering…What do I do? Do I give him space? Should I continue to be casual? Or do I be straight forward with what’s on my mind? HOW THE HELL CAN YOU TELL IF A SWEDISH GUY LIKES YOU?? and is it worth going for?

So much for short and sweet! Someone…please help me! Im completely lost haha

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Heidar

April 30th, 2012 at 19:10

Hard to tell for certain, but it seems your best bet is probably to just be straightforward about how you feel; given the situation you describe, it’s highly likely he likes you, but is too shy and/or too full of self-doubt to assume *you* like *him* beyond just the sexual attraction (which would explain why he appears to be acting vague towards you), and probably fears he might somehow offend you by telling you his feelings straight out.

In other words… “He’s more afraid of you than you are of him” :p

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NEamericanGirl

April 30th, 2012 at 19:59

Thanks for the response! I really do appreciate it! Quick too :)

He always told me to look up what Swedes are like and he seems to fit it quite well! He is obviously a little different from a full fledged Swede since he’s been in America for 3 years for college. I have to keep in mind his actions versus his lack of communication. What guy spends the money to travel knowing he’ll be hanging out with one girl that he didn’t like, right? I think I will wait until he is actually settled in Barcelona to start asking questions. I wouldn’t want to scare the guy off! I’d plan to go there to see him in August and I hope those days in between of not seeing each other won’t change feelings too drastically. I’m determined to get to know him more and just enjoy this opportunity. I also hope my “go getter”/assertive attitude isn’t a turn off =D

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SleeplessInUSA

May 18th, 2012 at 10:31

I absolutely LOVE this blog!! I, like others, tend to feel very at home reading all these comments, since I find myself in such similar situations with a Swede. I met a Swedish guy briefly during a vacation. Maybe I got “the look”, or maybe it was just plain old eye contact, but eventually we ended up having drinks next to each other at the bar and talking. Nothing happened that night… in fact I remember thinking I thought it was odd that he was obviously wanting to talk, but didn’t give off any kind of vibe that he was “interested” in me. He spent more time looking at the floor then directly at me and he was talkative, but not flirty.

After that night, I didn’t expect to hear from him again, but low and behold, he returned to Sweden and I started getting messages from him online. They were always very polite messages, mostly asking how I was doing. Then he started ending messages with “kram” (Which I am curious , btw, if that is just a friendly thing amongst the Swedes or reserved for more romantic purposes?). Now we talk every day, sometimes twice a day via email or Skype. He has mentioned wanting to come and visit, but no real set plans have been made. Sometimes I think to myself, why would a guy go through all the trouble to look me up online and stay in contact if he isn’t interested? But then… The Swedish dating and culture is such a mystery to me, for all I know he could just be looking for an American pen pal LOL. Sometimes it’s very flirty. Sometimes it’s completely void of anything other than pleasantries. I keep telling myself that unless he actually books a ticket and is on his way here, then there’s no point in thinking of it as anything but harmless flirting, but I feel that there is definitely something more and I don’t understand why either of us would spend this much time skyping and/or messaging if there wasn’t a mutual interest. I definitely feel the “hot and cold” that many have described and am wondering how direct I should be. Obviously my worry is that I will be too direct too soon and it may backfire. Thoughts?

*Just another American Girl with a Swedish Crush trying to figure it out.* :)

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Amber

June 23rd, 2012 at 17:24

Hey all…so I have a similar situation…only not.

I fell in love with a Swedish fellow online, but he hasn’t directly talked to me yet. He seems open for communication since he talks to others online, and I sent him a few friendly messages. A few others apparently confess their love for him daily on his profile in public, but I haven’t done that. In fact, I pointed this out to him and asked him why he didn’t just tell them not to do that, since it was un-ladylike. So far, I’ve only been friendly (but not overly flirty). I even asked questions to show that I was interested in hearing what he had to say, and for him to tell me if I was bothering him. I know he had the chance to see the messages, but hasn’t responded yet. Since he’s friendly with everyone on his profile, does this mean I scared him away by daring to message him NOT in public? I haven’t told him I liked him yet…does he think it’s not worth replying to unless I do? :/ Could it be that he just hasn’t gotten around to replying to me?

Either way, since Swedes are all individuals anyway, I would have to say that if you can’t be yourself around them, there’s no point in pursuing them. If they can’t be themselves around you, then they should wait until they feel they can. Sometimes cultural differences can be overcome, so it’s good to be aware of them, but explaining why you do what you do and why you think what you think can be the best tool for this. Just my two cents… Don’t mind me!

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s

June 30th, 2012 at 18:30

So, how many of them ACTUALLY look like Alexander Skarsgard?- as Jessica has asked! Minus that creepy vampire cray, of course!

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Amber

July 1st, 2012 at 16:43

….I would say, from some of the concert crowds I’ve seen on Youtube, blonde hair is the most common (Whether natural or from a bottle, I don’t know…) and from what I gather, there are a lot of immigrants from other countries. SO as far as natives go… blonde hair seems to be the unifying theme, though varying shades that look red or brown are common too.

I don’t think they look specifically like HIM, because, you know…it’s not a country of clones, but I’m sure that there are some common features that are prevalent among the natives.

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s

July 2nd, 2012 at 10:08

@Amber
I had a little fling with a cute Swede during the spring, on an exotic Asian Island (i know, sounds like it was straight out of a cheesy romantic movie, but they are really fun!). Based on my mere social observation, hanging out with those boys for a few days, i realized the gender equality is REALLY apparent in their culture. And no matter how beautiful or hot the girl is, they really need that little push or heads up from you, to make their move on you. The gender equality is something i really value, being exposed to all these cultures, i have witnessed my fair share of double standards and women oppression.

And based on my globetrotting experience growing up, i personally feel they (at least the classy, decent ones) are like a lot of the French boys, they prefer honesty and straightforwardness above all else. Of course, i could have just been a very lucky girl, to have been with a lot of gorgeous gentlemen. That is not to say i have no had my fair share of Swedish/French/German gorgeous D-bag, aswell.

I say go for it. The fact that you MESSAGED him, instead of adhering to the norm by posting on his wall, makes you stand out from everyone else. There are so many beautiful girls out there, at the end of the day, physical is over-rated, anyway. Because after awhile, you don’t really care how the other person looks like, you really have to get to know the person. From what i’ve gathered, based on your writing style, you sound like a very well-spoken, smart, articulate and cultured person. A lot of Swedes has a passion for traveling, so i can imagine you being a hot topic among them!

May i ask where you are from?

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s

July 2nd, 2012 at 10:10

Of course their mentality and maturity plays a big role, but in my experience, generally wherever the boys (22 years old+)are from, they all love a beautiful girl who can hold a conversation and her own place!

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s

July 2nd, 2012 at 15:27

Oh ladies.

‘Swedish boys, breaking hearts since 1428.’

@NEamericanGirl He sounds sweet! And i bet he was cute! I personally would, and have never accepted or made a trip down for a guy. I have always, ALWAYS made a trip with the girls, and ‘casually’ grab a drink with him. Don’t plan a whole trip based on one person, what happens if it doesn’t work out? But, if you go there with the sole purpose to have fun with your girl friends, who knows what will happen with him? You will than be in a foreign country, eating and drinking exotic food. Just go with the flow!

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Amber

July 2nd, 2012 at 20:44

Thank you for that. I have been told that I am more intelligent and well-spoken than others my age or from my area, but I wasn’t sure if it was me, or if it was just the girls in my area…they can be dumb. >_< I've also been told I'm exceptionally fun and kind, though to me, life isn't worth it if you can't end it happy that you did your best, with a giant smile and lots of friends. Kindness is a big part of me, which some people like to take advantage of…but I don't put up with nonsense, which some people seem to not like about me. Oh well…. I guess it'll all work out in the end. :D

I heard it's hard to get a job in Sweden unless you're so much better than them (WAY overqualified), or unless you know someone, or unless you practically offer yourself up for slavery. Is it that way, or is the job market just really competitive? Does a Swedish man care if you have a job or not, typically? If you don't, does a woman who has a job look like a 'better choice'?

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s

July 3rd, 2012 at 12:22

No worries. I get that a lot as well, i flew before i could walk- before between Australia and various Asian cities all my life. One is forced to grow up rather quickly, when exposed too all these situations/circumstance, kids your age don’t normally experience.
Girls can be very ignorant and insecure, apparently the confidence comes over time. Especially girls between 16-23? Although i, myself fits into that age group.

Well, i studied/work in fashion, so in general, it is competitive everywhere. It obviously depends on your industry, what do you do, if i may ask? I would assume the diffcult job application applies to mostly Stockholm and Gothenburg? I am unsure, however, i DO know that a lot of professional Swedes comes over to Asia- they get 2x earning/housing benefits…etc But, there is practically no holidays for you! Most sleeps with their blackberry haha. At least i do.

Another reason why i find those Swedes really appealing, they generally (at least the ones from the big cities) takes really good care of themselves, has their own distinctive personal style. And most importantly, are not necessarily trend-followers.

I believe any sane Swedish men would care if a woman has a job or not, based on how women are perceived with independence and free spirited in their society. These social beliefs/standards will definitely shape them- thus what they ultimately find appealing in women.

Any news on the Swede? I bet he is super gorgeous!

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Amber

July 3rd, 2012 at 18:39

Yes, yes he is. Older, but still VERY handsome…unfortunately, he still hasn’t responded. I don’t think he ever will, at this point. He seems super-busy, especially considering it’s tourist season plus he travels… :/ *sigh* oh well.

I have had many various jobs, not necessarily all in the same industry, although I’ve been told I’m good with people and I have some certifications to work with the internet/microsoft office, and am really good at figuring out solutions to problems. I’ve been told that I’m efficient and trustworthy, so I was thinking about trying to become a personal assistant to someone, but then again those jobs all require that the person has lots of years of experience and bachelor’s degrees and loads of other things I simply don’t…I also don’t have the money to just pop on over to everywhere for interviews… >_<

I hate being poor, because in this country, that means you have to beg for what you need, even if it's transport to an interview. Either that, or you stay in the same cycle of begging off of people for food and housing… People look down on others and say 'oh poor them, they must be so lazy and incompetent' when in reality it's that no one wants to give us a chance. Every apartment requires proof of a job now, and every job requires proof of an address. You can't get one without the other, so if you have neither, you can get neither unless someone decides to be generous…which most people aren't because there are those who ARE lazy and WOULD be happy to beg the rest of their lives.

If he knew this, or figured it out, maybe THAT's why he isn't answering…I bet he thinks I'm just another lazy beggar… D; I have a great personality and various handy skills, but that won't get me far unless that alone could earn me money…here it's all about whom you know and whom you've sold your soul to, not what you can do or what you know. And…most people here are stupid jerks. With lots of money.

*sigh* Sorry about the rant…poor people usually breed with poor people because the rich won't give them a chance without being snotty about it, so then their children and their children's children will all be born into the lower class of society…unless they sell their bodies or souls to get higher up in society. It's all rather messed up here…

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fff

July 3rd, 2012 at 20:07

Hey Amber., I can totally relate. I don’t know where you are but I live in a poor countr too and what you said about your situation.. is exactly what I have here. (most especially this line “here it’s all about whom you know and whom you’ve sold your soul to, not what you can do or what you know. And…most people here are stupid jerks. “)
We’re also similar in the aspect that I think I’ve found myself falling for this Swede online. We’ve talked to each other a lot, and I’d consider him one of my closest online friend. It has always been friendly but we’ve been drifting apart for sometime now. I dont think he’s interested romantically though. I don’t know how to tell, we’re both incredibly shy. I doubt it anyway, cause I’m not pretty. Anyway, we don’t even talk about relationship related things. I see all his pretty friends on his photos he posts but I never bother to ask if he is dating anyone of them. I just get jealous, but I don’t have any reason to.
We don’t talk as much anymore, for a reason I do not know. I am too shy to keep on messaging him, but I also hate the waiting around thing. Ah, Swedes!

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Amber

July 3rd, 2012 at 20:14

Message him and ask what he thinks…and as long as you’re smiling and the pictures are good of you, I’m sure he’ll think you’re prettier than you think you are, because he knows your personality. Of all men polled, actually, most value a pretty smile above all else. Maybe he’s doing the whole distancing thing so that he can see if you’re interested in him, by speaking up about it… :D

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Amber

July 3rd, 2012 at 20:18

personally, I fall in love with people for their personalities. I may investigate if they’re physically handsome, but if I find a character flaw that I CAN’T work around (selfishness, laziness, racism, etc…) then they’re dropped like a jellyfish. So yes, personality really IS important.

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fff

July 4th, 2012 at 01:48

Yes of course it’s personality that matters more than anything, but I don’t know how it is with guys. I’m so used to guys being jerks where I am. I don’t know if I can ever do anything about it because our friendship is so great (even if we hardly talk these days) and he is too wonderful dont want to turn him off or anything. I don’t think I like him because he is Swedish or beautiful (although he is), he is just very smart, funny, worldly, etc.

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Amber

July 4th, 2012 at 17:29

…well you can’t turn him off if he isn’t turned on, and either way, simply explain to him that you like him a lot, and you value your friendship with him…and then mention that you wouldn’t mind taking it further if he wants to….but it’s ok if not. Either that, or tell him you like him a lot, and ask what he thinks of you, as a person and as a friend….if he likes you as more than a friend, that’s great, he’ll get the hint and maybe tell you. If he only likes you as a friend, it’s still a no-pressure way to let him know without making him feel like you’re demanding a response of the same.

Of all the guys I’ve talked to from sweden (all four or five of them), trust me when I say, you will be able to immediately tell the jerks from the not-jerks. And if you don’t think he’s a jerk yet, odds are, he’ll never become one. Nice guys usually are intelligent too, and can have mature conversations about things. And even if he likes someone else right now, that doesn’t mean he won’t like you in the future, when he realizes you’ve always been there for him through thick and thin no matter what…

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Belle

August 31st, 2012 at 09:54

I’m really having a problem understanding the Swedish man, more so my particular one. Well, calling him mine at this point would be a stretch.
We’re both at the same uni, same course, and he’s pretty always in my wider social circle.
Thanks to this blog, I have come to recognize The Look, and believe me, its all he ever does in my direction. We’ve had a few conversations and they’ve been helarious! He too has a morbid sense of humor! But it won’t make a difference….he still won’t make a move. And I certainly won’t…..or can’t. I’ve been on holiday for the past 2 months and he’s texted me a lot, his last text even said he missed me….and when was i coming back. There’s mixed signals but this Swede takes the cake.
BTW I should mention this is in London.
And I’m British- well, mixed race to be exact. (Somali/Italian/Finnish)

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Belle

September 9th, 2012 at 08:59

I’m having serious trouble understanding the sole Swede male in my life. He’s a fellow student in my uni (in London), and he’s part of my wider social circle. To say he gives out mixed signals would be an understatement. Flirty ‘i miss you’ text messages one minute, then shy and quiet in person the next.

Thanks to this blog, I now know of The Look, and believe me, he has thrown a couple in my direction. And my friends have told me he has asked about my whereabouts whenever I am absent.

I really don’t get it. When we talk, in a social setting, he is very responsive and we end up all alone , ignoring everyone else. We make each other laugh and I have been told by others, look and interact like a couple. Except we’re not.

So is this Swede blowing hot & cold? I really need your expert help :)

Must also mention that I am British (Somali/Yemeni/Finnish to be exact).

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Christine Chen

September 10th, 2012 at 00:35

Hey. I met a Swede online and we’ve only been emailing for less than a month and already talked about a lot of things: music, books, movies, food, sports, activities, pets, animals, family members, nature, travel, philosophy, and our dreams in life. We have very similar interests and dreams. But, I’m only 18 and he’s 7 yrs. older than me. He doesn’t write to me every day, but when he does write, I feel like he’s someone I could live with forever.
I’m Asian-American by the way.
I probably can’t visit him in Sweden for another four years, until I graduate.
These are kind of stupid questions, but I’ll ask them anyway.
Is 18 considered too young by Swedish standards?
Will he get tired of me?
Do Swedish guys like Asians? Actually, I look more white than my Asian friends even though I am full Asian. My nose is longer than the average Asian’s, I’m taller and more tan, and my eyes are bigger and not slanty.

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Erik Röde

September 15th, 2012 at 01:26

If I like you (i’m a girl), can I text/call you first?
* Yep, why not? Equality works both ways you know. Men and women can both vote, we split the bill, why can’t you call/text first?
Can you summarize Swedish dating culture in one/two words?
*…………………………………. NO Comment
Is Swedish boy interested in me if we chat online for several months and have wonderfully intense conversations?
*How should I know? Just because I like talking to you doesn’t mean I’m looking for a relationship. This works both ways doesn’t it?
Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pounds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?
*Nobody falls in love with looks you fall in love with personality, looks just help speed things up.
Do Swedish men prefer texting/emailing to phone calling?
*Depends on your age, if you’re young then TEXT if you are old then call. You should know which generation you belong to otherwise things might get awkward.
What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy?
*Who goes looking for a guy in Stockholm?
Do Swedish women give the look too?
*I don’t know what that is and I don’t think I wanna know.
What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship?
*I’d say you’d see a man-shaped hole in the door once you told him, but I suppose it would depend on the age of the man.
Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?
*If I’m drunk enough and you’ve either got an nice enough personality or is good-looking enough I’d probably say something nice and mean it and quite frankly if you can’t accept an honest compliment that’s your loss. Take what you get fake or not it’s still a comliment right?
What are signs of flirtatious behavior?
*Exactly the same as every other country in the world though perhaps not as forward as some.
Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?
*Because in Sweden people have an area of personal space that nobody wishes to intrude upon and by talking to complete strangers that’s what you do. Very few swedes are that rude, when they aren’t you know shitfaced.
Does the ‘player’ culture exist?
*Why is that even a question of course is does.
How the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him?
*Take on your big girl pants, go talk to a guy or even a whole group, if you like him then you know separate the wounded gazelle from the herd and pounce, he ain’t gonna be rude and just flat out say no that’s just unswedish.
Do they like blonds or brunettes?
*Do you like waffles or pancakes? What kinda question is that, the taste is like the butt… cracked.
Is it true Swedes are very rude?
*What? NO where does this even come from? I might raise my eyebrow if you come up and talk to me at the supermarket for no apparrent reason or sit right next to me in the bus when there are still double seats availible, but that’s just our custom not to do those things.
Is it true that Swedes hate monogamy?
*Nah, but marriage isn’t something one enters on a whim thus you need a certain amount of life experience before you go through that tunnel.
Do they fall in love really hard?
*I don’t know probably, but we can restrain ourselves I think.

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Amber

September 15th, 2012 at 19:47

Why don’t you mention that you would love to hang out with him (at your place or his, or even a coffee shop) outside the Uni setting? If he suggests a place, he’ll feel a little more comfortable with that, though you could always suggest a no-pressure activity, like a group-game of frisbee or futbol. (yes, spanish word without the accents…don’t judge.) Point being, if he’s in ‘his element’, he may feel a bit more bold. If not, then just say ‘hey, I think you’re cute. Would you like to hang out together to get to know each other better, as a date?’ He may be surprised, but dates really are just when two people who like each other hang out and do something special together, whether other people are around or not.

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Jen Gordon

September 29th, 2012 at 13:37

Wow. Thanks Aaliyah for scaring off Ben/Lovedoctor. Everyone here has been pretty cordial for like two years…until you. Lovedoctor, I tuned in just to see your posts, I just found this site three hours ago. I really enjoyed your candid comments, I loved how you said, I gave her everything I had, I gave her all of me. Soo beautiful and it was refreshing. Thanks Lovedoctor for all your insights, they’ve really helped me.

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Keyzbabe

November 14th, 2012 at 21:47

I’m from the states(the south) and me and my best friend are planning a trip to Sweden( Stockholm) next summer, I was wondering where some great clubs and restaurants were. Also I’m African American and was wondering if there is a lot of racism

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Hibbe

November 20th, 2012 at 22:03

Keyzbabe, you wont miss the clubs/bars if your in södra innerstan.

cant say I know sthlm all that well, but when I was there 12 yrs ago I didnt have any problem finding places =)

And one last thing, the ppl in sthlm might not agree with me, but clubbing is more fun in göteborg and malmö!
Visit malmö and you can go clubbing in kopenhagen (denmark) aswell!

and about the racism.. yeah, we got that kinda shit over here.. but you girls shouldn’t have any problems while your here..

besides, lots of swede likes black women!

have fun!

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Emily

October 6th, 2013 at 18:07

Hi im suffering because of this Swedish guy i met 2 weeks ago.
It was friday and i met this guy in the club.
He said he has been in this country for one month
I was way too drunk and think i was the one who approached him first.
That night we had a sex and after that we had breakfast in the morning and this little confused me. Normally guys i had sex with on the first day I met didn’t ask me for to have breakfast or coffee or something like that. That was quite..new to me
Anyway i thought that was it.
I didn’t expect him to call me or text me again.
uh,, actually that’s not quite true
I did expect him to call me again i don’t know maybe i got attracted to his appearance and blahblahblah.
But he didn’t contact me at all until tuesday so i was like.. half gave up at that time.
Then suddenly i finally saw him on wednesday in school, oh btw we go same school. yea anyway he said hi and i said hi back.
That evening he texted me and asked me some normal polite stuff like what i was doing and he said he ‘ll gonna have some drinks with his friends near school and i asked him well im gonna have some drinks with my friends and wanna meet up at some point tonight? and he said yes and after that we met at some bar that night.
The problem is, i was so drunk that night too because i had too much wine while hanging out with my friends and think i became too emotional. YOu see my parents are out of my country having their second honeymoon or shit like that and I’m living alone now and he kept we waited for like 3days and all that stuff just flooded into me and made me moody.
So i was like…kind of like imposed like someone who is having a mental problem. I was definitely saying something shit like i like you a lot,maybe u should go back to Sweden with me and blahblahblah under the control of alcohol. I can’t remember exactly but i think he laughed and said “ok if i don’t like living in this country that much then i’ll go with you” with cheesy smile. After that we went to motel again had a second sex of course and we had breakfast again. However in the morning i felt something different compared to the last time we met. He hugged me a lot and was more … sweet? but not talkative at all. We just watched tv together not saying much. So i thought maybe i scared him or made him uncomfortable by saying “i like you” i understand if he got creepy because of my statement. I mean i totally undestand because we have known for each other only for 2 weeks right? and that was inappropriate I know. No surprisingly he doesn’t text me since that night.
Oh btw on friday i accidently saw him in school and i wanted to say hi but he just passed me. I don’t know if he was ignoring me or it s just because he was talking to his friends and he just couldn’t see me. Anyway i was wondering if i should text him first this time or if i ?should just give up. I looked up some forums in this blog about Swedish guys and learned that they could be introverted but.. think i lost my chance to make things progress.
Wanna hear your advice. I’m having a hard time and i just want to make up mind mind sooner or later.

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Victor

December 19th, 2013 at 09:13

Personally, from reading many of the stories posted on this “forum” i’ve come to realize one thing: i’m jealous of all these men that meet you international women while abroad. Myself i have been in a few relationships with students from all over the world (mostly central/southern europe) while they have been in Sweden.

Much much more enjoyable than the average swedish girl. I feel more secure when with a foreign woman. And to those around 20-26 looking for something more serious i can really recommend Uppsala (not only because i live there right now) because it’s a town filled with intelligent “swedish men” to meet. That’d be all!

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