The A to Z Guide on Dating Swedish Men

20 Mar
2010

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a guide to dating Swedish men!

First off, thank you to all who have posted on the Dating in Sweden post. It is so awesome and wonderful to see people share their stories and help each other. This post is being closed now because it has more than 200 comments!!! But, let the stories and pondering continue here as we figure out the A to Z of Swedish men.

A – American Dating, what’s that? “We have sex first, then see each other.”
B – Beautiful and blond. How awesome is that?
C – Confusing; few understand the male species and even less understand the Swedish man
D – Dutch dates are possible, especially if in Sweden.
E – Equal opportunity. Hold that door for yourself.
F – Fashionable. Men sport color and style in Sweden!
G – Growing chest hair, not a fur coat, is needed. (Anonymous comment from a male friend)
H – Hair gel is a necessity, not an option.
I – IKEA will be the ‘big step’ in your lives as couple.
J – Jeans, can they get any tighter?
K – Kinky … so the rumors say…
L – Lagom. They want life and love and everything else in between to be “just right” or rolling down the middle of the road. Pushing men too hard left or right, risks alienating them and sending them away.
M – Mysterious. Ask many questions, answer few of their own.
N – Nagging is what girls may feel when the Swedes are unresponsive. It’s okay, give the guys some space and time to write/text you back.
O – Obtuse, like any man, the Swedish man has proven to be equally if not more obtuse at times.
P – Punctual; don’t show up late for a date.
Q – Quiet and shy describes 90% of Swedish men in Sweden and 10% abroad. Okay, exaggeration but they lose their very quiet nature when going abroad.
R – Rude; if you don’t know the ways of Swedes, they can be perceived as rude. This is especially true if you believe the man should pay for dates, etc when he is more in dutch / equal paying.
S – Sambo, rhymes with mambo, is the traditional way for Swedish being ‘together’ but not married.
T – Text messaging is the best way to communicate with Swedish men. It may be the best way to communicate in general for Swedes.
U – Unemotional, hard-to-read, and sometimes stoic, the Swedish man keeps his feelings to himself.
V – Valentine’s Day is nearly nonexistent in Sweden; don’t fret if nothing happens on this un-special day.
W – Wintertime is the period in the year to not dump your swede. Stay inside and cuddle during the miserable Swedish November. When springtime approaches, feel free to move on to greener grass.
X –
Y – Youthful appearance but sagacious within.
Z – Zealous with text messaging. Really? I still have not understood the obsession with texting. :P

Any other A to Z’s to add? More quandaries faced by the foreign woman?


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236 Responses to The A to Z Guide on Dating Swedish Men

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Moonlight

March 20th, 2010 at 23:37

It’s quite interesting, I found a similar thing about swedish dating, I found it quite accurate as well, here we go –

“With one of the highest birth rates in Europe, the Swedes seem to be pretty prolific when it comes to making babies, but even after six plus years of living in Stockholm, I’m still not sure how Swedish relationships actually happen.

The only obvious explanation seems to be massive quantities of alcohol. In other words, Swedish babies wouldn’t exist without Finnish booze cruises and Systembolaget.

In recent months, The Local has reported that Swedes are much less inclined than their European counterparts to spend vast sums of cash in their efforts to find a mate. This didn’t surprise me at all. That’s because they spend it all on alcohol trying to get themselves drunk enough to talk to a member of the opposite gender.

I know that it will seem ungrateful to be accusing my host country of being a nation of stingy alcoholics, and I’ll be the first to admit that a few drinks can be a fantastic social lubricant. It’s probably also a case of “it’s not the Swedes, it’s me,” but Swedish mating and dating rituals (and usually in that order) appear to be a very slow process that go nowhere (except the bedroom) fast.

In a nutshell, it goes something like this:

A) Meet at a mutual friend’s party.

B) Get really, really drunk.

C) Make out. Hooking up is optional.

D) If you’re lucky, you are sober enough to save the other person’s telephone number in your mobile, AND to put it under the correct name.

E) Send a text message along the lines of “last night was nice. Shall we have a coffee sometime?”

F) Spend hours analyzing the various ways in which aforementioned text message could be misinterpreted. Get your friends involved.

G) Have a “fika.” *(see below for an explanation of this uniquely Swedish institution)

*A “fika” is a Swedish word for an ambiguous meeting that may or may not be a date, or better explained as a non-date, or a date that is pretending-not-to-be-a-date.

It is also worth mentioning that one can also have a fika with a friend, colleague, family member, or neighbor. Hence the ambiguity of the whole affair.

During this “fika” Swedish non-date, things are a little stilted and awkward as both parties pretend that nothing happened last Saturday night, and politely and awkwardly ask questions about the other person, usually beginning with “Where do you live?,” descending into a discussion about the difficulty and frustration of the Stockholm housing market, and complaining that you have had to move seven times in the course of six months.

Now, where were we…oh yes:

H) At the end of this date pretending not to be a date, give each other an awkward hug, or possibly a handshake, ended with the statement, “Vi hörs!” or “Hoppas vi ses snart!” (“I’ll talk to you soon.” or “Hope we see each other soon!”)

I) Spend the entire next week pondering over who should make the next move. AWORD OF WARNING: It is not assumed here that the guy will take the lead. More likely, the opposite is expected. If the Swedish guy is brave enough open his mouth and say something at all during this date, he may feel that it is now the girl’s turn to put herself out on a limb.

J) Spend many more hours analyzing your feeble attempts at text message”flirting,” agonizing over whether you should or should not use the word “mysig” (cozy) or “trevlig” (nice), fearing the former may be too much, and the latter may not be enough. Once again, enlist the help of your friends.

K) Repeat Step A.

L) Repeat Step B.

M) Repeat Step C, all the while pretending it never happened the first time.

N) Sometime after several more renditions of Steps B and C, go out to dinner.

O) Since it’s a little harder to pretend you are not on a real date in the formal atmosphere of a restaurant, drink massive amounts of the house wine.

P) At the end of dinner, closely examine the bill to make sure each person pays for his or her appropriate share, including the extra five kronor for dressing on the side.

Q) Get kicked out of your way-too-expensive second-hand rental contract because the person you were subletting from didn’t take 10 study points and lost his/her contract for student housing.

R) Get drunk again, and commiserate on the horrors of the Stockholm housing market.

S) Move in together.

T) Go shopping at Ikea.

U) Take a romantic trip to the Canary Islands.

V) Move to the suburbs, buy a Volvo and start collecting “Vuxenpoäng” (see Stockholm Syndrome for more on the ‘adult points’ systems).

W) Have a child.

X) Name it Johan, Erik, Fredrik, or Henrik if it’s a boy or Sara, Anna, Lisa, or Emma if it’s a girl.

Y) Two months after you go back to work after having Johan/Erik/Fredrik/Henrik/Sara/Anna/Lisa/Emma, repeat Step W.

Z) Enjoy an additional 18 months of parental leave.

Å) Get married for your 20th dating anniversary.”

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Moonlight

March 20th, 2010 at 23:46

Oh, and I almost forgot, I found a website where you can calculate your “adult points” – http://www.vuxenpoang.se/vuxenformular.asp its in swedish, but I did fine with google language tools – scored 20 and have no idea is that good or bad? :/

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an

March 21st, 2010 at 01:26

one thing with sms(texting) depending on what plan/carrier you have

example;Comviq one of the most popular have different cellphone plans some more towards sms’ing then others
if you have it on cash card plan i think its Comviq Kompis you get 3000 free sms to all carriers in sweden if you charge the mobile with 250sek
and if you charge it with 100sek only, you get free unlimited sms within the carrier comviq in this case.and have to pay 0,

this of course makes texting really good using and also cheap and swedes as you know doesnt really like to talk all the time
free sms > paying for calls

i saw in the US Verizon and sprint had even upped the price on sms from $0,15 to $0,20.. thats just crazy so now you have to add a special sms plan to your already existing if you going to text alot.

“Today text messaging is the most widely used mobile data service, with 74% of all mobile phone users worldwide or 2.4 billion out of 3.3 billion phone subscribers at end of 2007 being active users of the Short Message Service. In countries such as Finland, Sweden and Norway, over 85% of the population use SMS. The European average is about 80% and North America is rapidly catching up with over 60% active users of SMS by end of 2008.”

mobiles was developed by at&t but Scandinavia was faster then US to deploy it to the general population because in US problems with different technologies between carriers and stuff like that
and that of course helped us to love the phone quickly and know all are pretty much expected to have one

and as you know in sweden you can do much with the sms,
you can fill your taxes by sms, you can get sms reminders from you dentist day before the appointment, one of the biggest income in the haiti help was just by sms donations.
if you wanted to donate 50 kr to redcross haiti you texted
AKUT to 72900 and then you were done and you hade donated 50kr to red cross haiti foundation

we love sms

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Sapphire

March 21st, 2010 at 11:01

@Moonlight, I was looking for that post on A-Z you put up. Thanks!!! “Take a romantic trip to Canary Islands” is true true true.

@an – I did pay $.05 cents to send and receive text messages in the US with T-Mobile. Of course that was on top of the already $60/month on a cell phone plan. Texting in the US is painful so I can understand for economic reasons why Europeans text rather than call.

But, I have not ‘dated’ or ‘flirted’ by sms messaging, that would be interesting to know. Do you any advice on that?

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Lin

March 21st, 2010 at 20:28

well swede’s are pretty shy in the beginning so maybe texting is a way for the swede to easier communicate in the beginning?
i dont know i just guessing

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apocalypse nowish

March 21st, 2010 at 22:58

As a Swede I can confirm this is pretty much accurate, at least as a generalization. Individuals still think, act, say and do things differently. If you keep that in mind you can use things like this as a blueprint.

I do feel there’s one thing some of you haven’t really understood though when it comes to drunk-sex-relationship. Most Swedes don’t use their drunkenness to find a relationship; they use it for a one night stand. That CAN lead to a relationship, but isn’t in any way the point. I cannot think of a single person I know that has started a long-term relationship in that way.

If you want to meet and wed a Swedish guy or girl the easiest road is probably to enlist in some extra activity such as politics, football, the local Sci-fi club or any such thing. Inside such clubs you find likeminded and when they get together and party and get it on, THEN it can lead to relationships.

And finally I need to say that Swedish males are pretty easy to figure out, well most men are. We want sex, food, sports, the occasional game and a steady paycheck. So if you want to snag a man, make him dinner, watch a game together and give him fantastic sex. It doesn’t need to be harder than that. Women always overdo it, analyze everything and make the slightest little thing into something, men don’t do that. We’re easy. Show a naked breast with a pancake shaped like a football on it and we’re yours.

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Anders

March 22nd, 2010 at 10:50

Yes Sapphire i agree. i should be more happy and show the world i am good and optimistic. And be more free to show feelings and stop acting stereotype and stiff. Thanks for the advice and when i realized i had things to change within myself i started smiling.

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AmeriChick

March 23rd, 2010 at 13:16

I’m an American chick. My swede has given me The Look the last few times I’ve seen him. I want to take it to the next level. What do i do? i’m nervous b/c i’m shy, but i don’t think he’ll make the next move.

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lee

March 24th, 2010 at 01:30

apocalypse nowish

haha so true
men, sport,sex and dinner cant be easier

and extra activity is a good place to find a male

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Juni

March 25th, 2010 at 07:57

@ apocalypse nowish and lee

sigh.
I am so tired of men reducing themselves to a few bodily functions. You are more then that, surely? Heart, Soul and a mind? If you haven’t explored these aspects of yourself I encourage to try. Also if it were that easy (sport, fantastic fun and food) then we would all be in relationships. The truth is: not all men are into sports, ‘fantastic sex’ is personal preference, what is fantastic for one person is not necessarily for another and many men over 40 experience some form of ED( erectile dysfunction) so even if you had “awesome fun” what do you do when you can’t anymore, or your partner can’t and you’ve built a relationship based on that? Finally, I’m sure every woman has experienced making a meal for a man only to have him shove a fork in and push it around and complain about it. So no, it is NOT that simple. Though I know we all wish it was :)

On the other hand, thank God it’s not because that would not only be very boring it would be vacuous. Thankfully, I’ve had the privilege of knowing some men who know themselves beyond a few physical preferences and I’ve benefitted from their depth, wisdom and humor and yes they have also pissed me off at times as I’m sure I have them.

Recently I had a conversation with a man who said something about woman not needing men anymore that even reproduction was going to be possible without them and my jaw dropped. That’s the danger of only focusing on physical characteristics, you begin to limit your worth to a few things you can do and if you don’t think you can do them anymore, you may begin to think you’re not necessary or something. I had to collect myself before I could try to explain that in the same way I walk into the woods to experience nature, which is ‘doing nothing’ other then being itself, I enjoy a man’s company in the same way. But I still haven’t come up with words for describing that very well. I do know it’s not limited to the physical things about him, though those things are part of it.

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apocalypse nowish

March 25th, 2010 at 18:56

@Juni:

No, that is it. Really. A generalization of course, there are exceptions, but not many,

And I hate to be the one who says it, but “men who know themselves beyond a few physical preferences and I’ve benefitted from their depth, wisdom and humor…” ,is only another way to get sex, food, sex and breasts.

I’ve meet a woman or two that thinks she’s meet a wonderful man that listens, helps with the cleaning, have feelings and other crap. I tell her that it is about getting laid, keep getting it or in order to keep the woman off the back so he can watch TV and play games without too much nagging. She don’t believe me, of course, but sooner or later she figures out that I was right when the guy dumps her or sleeps around.

Cynical? Yes, and I am overdoing it, it is, as said, a generalization. But it is also, for the most part, true.

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Latina girl

March 26th, 2010 at 00:09

@apocalypse nowish
Hi. I’m not an expert on relationships because of course I haven’t been in many but I do come from a stable family and that has given me a pretty good understanding of how relationships must work. I see your swedish bluntness and i’d like to take advantege of that =) I want to know what is the “extra” that makes a man to pick one girl out of a bunch (and it’s not looks bacause I’ve seen some “not so pretty girls” get incredible guys) and stick to her. Sometimes the girls don’t even cook and hate sports and guys don’t care. There has to be something else and I’m not talking about sex either because that is something that everyone can do so it’s not hard to get. I’m sure those 3 aspects are very important for a man, maybe not all guys are into sports but that could be substituted with other hobbies. But can guarantee there’s something deeper behind it that makes them fall in love… so think hard and let me know =) thanks

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apocalypse nowish

March 26th, 2010 at 17:41

You’re both right and wrong. All men want what I’m talking about; however that doesn’t mean they all want the same thing. Some men like science programs instead of sports, some like kinky, and others only want the missionary. Some like big boonkers, others like small ones.

When I say all men like games, sport, seex, breasts and seex, don’t take that a 100% exact.

Falling in love has many different things to it. Sex is important, but not the only thing, besides it can be taught or adjusted to fit a couple. I’ve heard people talk about pheromones, smell and certain colors that attract certain people. Maybe there’s some truth to all of that. For me it has always been about the girl’s whole appearance. I don’t care about looks that much, neither do I want the ‘perfect’ woman, all I want (with the exception for the already mentioned) is that slight glimmer in the eye, a certain style of walking and a good sense of humor. But that’s me. I cannot speak for all males when it comes to love, that’s a mystery, even to me. :) ;)

Talking about how we “pick” a girl, that all depends. I would say age is important here. Younger males want that unattainable hottie, the experienced man look at the girl standing next to the hottest woman. Because that girl is underappreciated and most likely funnier and smarter than the sexiest one she’s standing next to. We can sleep with the hottie, but probably not like it. In either case we would not marry her though. Not normally anyway.

But most important is probably that we don’t really know about. It can be a smell, a certain look, big breasts, a ponytail, and no matching socks, whatever. Probably the only thing that females and males have in common, we don’t always know ourselves why we’re attracted to someone. Although I would argue that females are more shallow and more about status then men are, in this final selection process we are the same.

I also have a tip. Rent/buy the movie “The Ugly Truth”. Great flick that is about this exact topic. :)

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Björn

March 27th, 2010 at 09:30

@ Latina girl

“Sometimes the girls dont even cook and hate sports and guys dont care” what the hell?. You dont have to be a good cook or love sports to get a swedish guy. A swedish guy that expects a woman to do household chores by herself is considered a pig. For example I royally suck at cooking, If I had a girl that would be good at cooking and also enjoy cooking and dont mind doing it. Then I would do the dishes AND clean up in the kitchen afterwards. No way in hell would I let her dish her own plate or even remove it from the table, if she cooks then after the meal she is well within her rights to just leave the table after dinner and watch TV or whatever while I clean up.

If I had to take a wild guess, what you are describing might be a seductive look in those girls eyes, perhaps a certain wild side to them aswell. I dont mean that being a good cook and stuff like that is a bad thing, its a great thing to be honest. But you are more than that and you should never think of being able to cook or liking sports as a quality that will get you a swedish guy because he would want you for your personality that is beyond that stuff.

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Moonlight

March 27th, 2010 at 14:38

@Björn

Marry me:))) I’d cook 3 times a day for the rest of my life if someone would be washing up… :)))

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Latina girl

March 28th, 2010 at 07:10

@Björn
Thank you for saying those things. I notice that same attitude towards household chores in the swede I know and it is a great thing to me because I am not a good cook either, I like it but just dont have much to practice. Im thinking really seriously in taking some cooking classes and be able to cook a very nice meal for him one day. That is my latin blood speaking I suppose because we do things like these for our man not because we have to but because we want to please him and we feel good doing it, although my friend thinks we do it as an obligation and doesnt believe that we take pleasure in doing those type of things.

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Puntino

March 28th, 2010 at 11:04

Hi all,
I’m pretty curious about this deal. It seems that alcohol helps Swede to break the ice, get in touch and have sex definitely.. In Italy, we usually do not drink a lot even though, sometimes we get drunk more than Nordic people… and it doesn’t push us to do it necessarily.
When we go clubbing and we flirt, we take advantage on the music that it really supports you to go beyond a simple eyes contact :) mostly Caribbean music that you dance closely and sometimes in a kiinky way :)
Then it is easy (and you are quite sober) to strike up a conversation, get the telephone number and book an appointment…
I’m prying to know what Swedish guys do when they dance…

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Björn

March 29th, 2010 at 03:30

@ Latina girl

Im glad, I was affraid that my last post might have come off as a bit harsh. It is absolutley great that you want to make your man happy with good food and stuff like that. But I just want you to know that as a woman, a man, no matter where he is from. Should appreciate you and love you for who you are, and not how good a cook you are. And because you want to make your man happy by striving to be a wife that ALOT of men can only DREAM of. You must also make sure that the man you have chosen is the man that YOU dream of. I mean you are a latina, by that fact alone, swedish men should be lining up around the block just to ask you out, so whenever you see a swedish man or any man for that matter. Just tell him something like “what the hell are you standing here for, come with me and dance” and if you want a similair line in swedish just let me know. Because beleive me, I am a man, and I dont know any man at all, not even any of my closest friends. Who would deserve a woman like you. Hell I wouldt even recomend them to any woman on this blog, almost every woman here on this blog that has been asking questions. Seems to be the kind of girl that you simply DONT let go. I mean really making an effort to make the best relationship, not only for yourself but also to the man that you have chosen or want to meet, is the kind of woman that only a few seem to have gotten a hold of. I can only hope you meet a man worthy of you who treats you as you deserve (like the best thing that ever happened to him =P).

@ Puntino

Well what we do in sweden really depends on what kinds of clubs you are going to. But one thing that Ive learned is that we never lose this childish drinking game mentality. Jokes are often made about those who cant hold their liquor. Our nightlife is depending on drinking. As for the music and dancing, well we most likely look like a bunch of idiots when dancing. Atleast compared to any foreigner who comes from a country where dancing is more important than alcohol. Also, here it is more common to exchange phone numbers after hookingup. It might be a bit of an embarrassament that we cant dance worth crap, atleast most of us. But hey, instead of dancing kinky, we get kinky=P.

PS: what is the latest casual trend clothing style in italy? Id like to pick up some jeans from italy, but I really feel that a shirt would stand out more than a pair of jeans.

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Björn

March 29th, 2010 at 03:40

@ Moonlight

“Marry me:))) I’d cook 3 times a day for the rest of my life if someone would be washing up… :)))”

I am sure you are an awesome woman and will make some man very happy someday. The cooking and not clean up afterwards confirms it in my book. And if there was not a woman that I was very interssted in already then I would ask for your msn =). But I am sure that you will find him. I mean the best girls are already always taken, those who arent, just have yet to taken lol. So just wait a while and you will be settled =D

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Björn

March 29th, 2010 at 03:59

Err since I cant edit my posts, what I meant with.”I mean the best girls are already always taken, those who arent, just have yet to taken lol. So just wait a while and you will be settled =D”

Was that the best girls that are not already taken will be taken very soon. Not that you are not the best kind of girl because you are not taken already =D

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Miss C.

March 29th, 2010 at 09:14

My swedish bf and I had such fun reading this post together. There are some things that I agree on like the one about them being seen as “obtuse” or “rude”. LOL. And I love those tight jeans on my guy, I think it makes him look really hot. He carries it off really well too.

Anyways I love your blog as it gives me a bit of insight into the dating rituals of swedes in general and it’s really cool to read about other people’s experiences dating swedes. For me, I’ve only had the best experience. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with being Swedish but I can tell you that my bf is my dream guy, fits me to a T. He’s sweet, loving, gentle, honest, kind and very patient with me. And totally adorable and super cute to boot. I have never felt so loved or so respected. I also don’t feel stressed being with him and can just be. When we first met, we did get off to a bit of wrong footing but it was quickly resolved as it was just a misunderstanding. I didn’t run into any issues of ambivalence even though he was quiet and shy but our chemistry was there. We just started hanging out and talking a lot and then when we went out on first date, the attraction was undeniable…and at the end of the night he actually asked me if there was something going on because he didn’t know if I treated him like a buddy! It all worked out in the end. Oh and maybe not so typical for a swede but he was very gentlemanly, and he paid on our first date out too. Could also be because he’s overseas so has adapted to other dating norms. I offered to pay to but that’s my thing, I like being able pay every once in a while too. And since we’ve been together (living together now), he’s been really taking good care of me so much so that I don’t have to worry about a thing. I still can’t believe he loves me especially since Swedish girls all seem so gorgeous :) He’s a special guy and I love him so much! I do hope we work out!!

Anyways keep those blog posts coming. Love reading them!

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Moonlight

March 29th, 2010 at 12:32

@Björn

hahaha, I was only joking:))) I have recently ended a 4 year-long relationship with a british man, he was using me as a cook, as a cleaner, as a bank, as a housing asociation and lately as a verbal punching bag… last thing he’d ever done to me was throw a bass guitar at me during an argument and thats when I finally found the guts to say “OUT!”

I am very interested in one particular swedish guy, but it looks like its not mutual (thanks for the advice – I’ve stopped bothering him a few weeks ago and he doesnt seem to miss me at all…), so the only thing left to do for me is to enjoy some freedom for now, sort out my mental and physical health and maybe treat myself for a weekend trip to Stockholm hahaha:)

@everybody reading this –

Just thought to be a bit curious – would be interesting to hear a woman’s view/experiences – here, in britain, i cant stand the “romeos” with their “fancy” cars stopping by a bus stop while you’re waiting for a bus (or just walking to the shop) and trying to chat you up – does it happen a lot in Sweden?

P.S. Just to clarify – I never ever dress in a provocative way, in fact, most of the times it happens, im usually just on my way to work (im an interpreter)

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Latina girl

March 30th, 2010 at 18:03

@Björn
=) Thank you so much for your kind words. And I will listen to you and make sure that he is the man I dream of. So far he’s been nice to me but in a friendly way. So, I’ll just wait and see what future holds for me. Maybe if you can tell me how to say in swedish that line you said before but only the second part “come on and dance with me”, that would be good.

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Latina girl

March 30th, 2010 at 18:14

@Björn
Sorry, I think your exact words were: “come with me and dance” =D
Something else i want to know and maybe you can help me, what are some good nicknames in swedish for men (friends and boyfriends)? Something that he would like as a friend and different ones that he would like later maybe as a boyfriend.

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Emma

March 30th, 2010 at 20:59

Haha – geez…when I last read this post there was about three comments, this is great! (@apocalypse nowish – are you single!?)

Nah, but I think Sapphire kind of has a point – dating Swedish men ain’t easy, really it’s not. Swedes are “new” to dating, there are no set “rules” for how it’s done, and it makes for a tricky path to follow. How do you know if/when you’re exclusive for example? Do I have to flat out ask? And how do I go about asking that without making him feel like I’m snaring him? Any advice? I reeeeeally like him (even if I love sports – he doesn’t – and he loves cooking – I don’t) and want it to work out…

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Björn

April 2nd, 2010 at 00:49

@ Moonlight

I know you were joking, I was just teasing a bit lol. And about that guy, damn, I am glad to hear you are not seeing that bastard anymore. As for that swede, well he is not he only swede in the world so youll find another hehe. You should definatley enjoy your freedom, I would recomend a spa, getting youself spoiled, buying some new clothes. Get a new haircut or just getting your hair done in general. And then, sleep around =P. And after a month or so, starting to focus on getting a serious guy.

@ Latina Girl

Depends on how you want it to sound. There are many ways to say it, it could sound very seductive, or just for fun. Or outright ” I wanna seex you up!” lol. Nicknames I am not good at, atleast not friendly ones that would work untill a real relationship has started. But once you are a couple nicknames such as “Sötnos” “Älskling” which basically translates to sweety and honey. But to be honest, if I had a latina girlfriend, I would like it more if she called me papi instead of something swedish =P.

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Sapphire

April 2nd, 2010 at 08:03

@Miss C – Thank you for sharing your story, it was adorable. I wish you and boyfriend happiness and love. =)

@Björn – Dude, you should have your own column here to discuss the men’s side of dating n Sweden.

@Moonlight – Good you got rid of that jerk. And now get rid of that Swedish jerk. Why be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? How is that fun?

@Puntino – Alcohol is such a heavy factor in the nightlife in Sweden.

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Moonlight

April 2nd, 2010 at 21:31

@Björn

well, steps are already being taken:) haircut done, not as drastic as i wanted tho (i own quite long hair which looks like a miracle to the local stylists, and the one who did my hair convinced me that i can chop them off any time i liked, but it would be really difficult to grow them back:D) diet in progress now, my lines are completely ruined by all the junk food i destroyed during that stressful relationship, then new clothes will follow (yippeeeee:D). Not sure about the sleeping around bit:) I’m not really the type and the fact that british guys really DO sleep with anyone willing…. Errrrm – not interesting. I like “hard-to-get” guys:) Plus I live in Manchester – capital of “chavs” (well, maybe second after Liverpool, but not by much…), and they’re worse than russians – forever rude, forever pissed and smell of weed. As for the swede – you’re right, there are a couple more million:) deduct the married, the jerks and the underaged and there might be some left to choose from:))) Someone actually said to me once that men are like public toilets, because there are 3 types of them – 1. Vacant
2. Engaged. or
3. Full of crap:)
Hard to disagree:))) espescially in the UK:)

@Sapphire

I havent actually dated the swede, we met once, it looked like we liked each other, got chatting on msn, he’d flirt a lot, we’d plan an actual date for us, but when it came to saying bye, he couldnt even write that he’d miss me too. Its probably still on my mind because i like the “hard-to-get” guys, its not as much fun, but I tend to value things (and people) more if it takes me some effort to get them. Its just something that Britain made of me:)

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Anonymous

April 4th, 2010 at 05:13

Okay so i am a older teen and would like to know if the teenagers are as reserved and respectful as the men! I think that would be great but i have been talking to some Swedes on msn and they seem normal to me! Anyone fill me in please?

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Richard

April 6th, 2010 at 16:15

“sambo rhymes with mambo”
also “mambo” is someone who still lives with parents despite being old enough to live independently (mam-bo, get it?)

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apocalypse nowish

April 6th, 2010 at 22:39

@Putino:
Real Swedish men don’t dance, at least not sober and almost never with the intention to pick someone up.

@Emma:
Well, yes I am.

And just so you know, I’ll do the dishes, love cooking and keep a tidy home. Moving around a lot though, trying to stay away from horrible Sweden. :)

@Moonlight:
It is very hard to find good men out on the British Isles. Having lived in Glasgow as well as in the London area I sometimes find it hard to understand how the British species survives… :)

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Katherine

April 7th, 2010 at 01:38

@apocalypse nowish:
Can you answer my question? I am a bit confusedd

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Moonlight

April 7th, 2010 at 06:23

@apocalypse nowish

oh, dont get me started on british men…:) they dont even shower everyday, I can only imagine how often do they change their underwear (sorry if anyone was eating while reading)… In nearly 5 years I havent met anyone even close to the example of those british “gentlemen” anywhere, even the ones that look like educated, intelligent and somewhat romantic ones are a disaster when it finally comes to living with them. I’ve had one and I’ve had enough:) I’ll probably try among immigrants next, since I am one myself and leave the british “lads” to the british “laddettes” – and the latter ones are another disaster:) I could never ever even imagine that any woman of the planet could ever behave in such a way before I came here… I can only say that the brits are probably worth each other, thats probably how they survive, I havent seen such a dumb nation in my entire life:) And they’re getting overrun by immigrants, so the population itself is increasing, but the number of brits is actually falling.

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Sapphire

April 7th, 2010 at 14:43

@Richard – Hahaha, “mambo.” I’ll need to write about mambo, sambo, and särbo. Do you know how these words became popular?

LOL on the British men. Are they really that bad? I know the teeth thing is a problem though…

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apocalypse nowish

April 7th, 2010 at 18:32

@Katarine
What question? Cannot find it… :)

@Moonlight
Well, I managed to end up with a couple of women of Indian decent. Those worked very well. Otherwise I do agree with you.

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Moonlight

April 7th, 2010 at 20:49

@Sapphire

yes, the british really are bad, not mentioning their poor hygiene again, all they are interested in life is beer, boobs and football, no other interests whatsoever… And they usually are of a very high opinion about themselves, although, if you dig a bit deeper – you just cant find any reason for that:))) Out of all nationalities I’ve ever dated brits come very last from my point of view:) My first few were lithuanian, then an italian, a dane, a russian, a ukranian and the brit and although the relationship with the brit was the longest – it was the most tormenting one and I cant think of anyone else who was so easy to get over:) Now I just feel like BREATHING again:) I have a feeling that my next one is gonna be a swede:) Or norwegian:) I like northern boys:))) I wonder if any actually live in Manchester, I’m sort of free most days and wouldnt refuse a coffee:D

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apocalypse nowish

April 7th, 2010 at 21:48

@Moonlight:

Oh, Manchester, horrible town. :)

There are some callcenters in Manchester and a Swedish church, so look around a bit, probably one or two you can date if you wish.

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Moonlight

April 7th, 2010 at 22:37

@apocalypse nowish

I know… ended up here a couple years ago, London was way better, but the housing is unaffordable for me to move back there, i’m so gutted:)))

Shall google up the church though, thanks:) been googling “swedish in manchester”, but nothing relevant came up apart from this blog, haha:) I know a couple of norwegians here, but they’re gay – probably just my luck – they’re really fun to go out with though:)

Have you lived in Mcr or was just a visit enough for you?:)))

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Katherine

April 7th, 2010 at 23:27

@acopolis nowish

I was wondering what swedish teens are like…olderish teens thanks!

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Katherine

April 8th, 2010 at 00:03

Apocolypse*

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Mark

April 8th, 2010 at 05:26

Hi I live in New York and would love to meet a Swedish woman. Any ideas how I can do this? Are there any Swedish dating services or sites that you can tell me about?

Well why wait, here is my address? If there are any beautiful Swedish girls out there that would like to meet a charming, polite, educated, bold and exciting American please email me at newyorkfashiondesigner@yahoo.com
Cheers, Mark.

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apocalypse nowish

April 8th, 2010 at 11:20

@Moonlight
No, just passed through a couple of times. Didn’t like what I saw. Have lived in Glasgow and London, and for a while I lived at both places at the same time, so I took the opportunity to see much of the scenery in-between.

@Katherine:
In what way? Most Teens are pretty much the same wherever you go. Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever been one myself, only dated some, so I am probably the wrong person to ask.

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Moonlight

April 8th, 2010 at 14:16

Well, the town is very neglected, there is some development within the city centre, but thats less than 1 square km and the rest is a dump – both physically and socially:)

I’ve googled up the church – but it looks like its only occasionally visited, less than once a year, not much point really, but thanks anyway:)

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Katherine

April 9th, 2010 at 02:32

Well i am reading all of this stuff about swedish men being very reserved and quiet and everything and wondering what age group that applys to! Anyone respond :) Thanks!

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Ciro

April 9th, 2010 at 13:23

Hi to all,

I’m Italian and I’m living in Milan.

I’m planning visit Stockholm in May 14th.
Some suggestions about cool places to visit absolutely in the city?

I love quite place where you can speak about Swedish usage and stuffs like that.

Thx in advance

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Princess

April 10th, 2010 at 18:18

Hi,

This is the first time that I’ve posted a comment on a blog – whoop get me with the latest technology. Anyway have just returned from a long weekend in Stockholm. Decided to go as went to friend’s wedding last year in Helsingborg and was mightily impressed by the many hot Swedish men I spied and in general the Swedish attitude to living.

Stockholm didn’t disappoint. It’s such a pretty city. I didn’t find the swedes stand offish at all. My friend also agreed that they’re many cute men (far more than in the UK). Having read some of the comments it appears fruitless for me to move to Stockholm but I need to scour London for Swedes abroad – so where the hell do I find them?? I am far from a typical swedish blonde bombshell being half Egyptian am rocking the dusky N African look instead). Any help much appreciated!

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Björn

April 10th, 2010 at 22:56

@ Sapphire

Hehe sorry. Im gonna stop spamming your blog =P

@ Moonlight

WTF!? they dont shower everyday and change underwear everyday? seriously that is just disgusting, I find it hard to beleive that anyone wouldt shower everyday unless it is a third world country were fresh water is extremly hard to come by. Are you really sure about this? what about the women, are they the same? WTF!?

@ Ciro

Depends on what kind of things you like tbh, if you want cultural stuff then any tourist guide will work, if you want something more punk rock or similair you would have to go somewhere else.

@ Princess

Cant say about London, but you would not have a hard time finding a guy in sweden, since I asume you have dark/tanned skin which atleast me and all my friends find very sexy. The trick would be to make yourself available as in a good chance to sleep with but not actually sleep with the guy. If he is still interessted, then you need to make sure that it is not only about sex. A good way to do that is to befriend him first.

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Moonlight

April 11th, 2010 at 11:43

@Björn

LOL – some of them dont even wear any underwear:))) I cant really talk about ALL the men here, maybe upper class is better with hygiene, but those I know have a real issue with it and are absolute scruffs. Women are better with the showering, but again – greasy hair, hairy armpits and hairy toes are a norm here:) And they’re all “princesses” – or rather, in my words – extremely cocky – try to start a conversation with a girl in a bar – you’re very likely to be looked at like a comlete douchebag, shown 2 fingers and hear the epic “fook off”:))) However – if the attention is unwanted thats often the only way to deal with it – I did that once back in London, when some weirdo been following me home from the tube station every day for nearly a week – gee, was I peeped off:)

Thats why I prefer gay bars:))) They are taking way more care about themselves and at least you know that none of them want just to drag you to bed:) I want a Viking next – they seem to be good with their women and the culture isnt that distant – we even share most pagan celebrations, like Midsummer and All Saints. God, I miss Midsummer…

I am getting carried away here, I know…:) I talk for a living, so pardon me please:)))

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Princess

April 11th, 2010 at 18:53

@Bjorn

Hmmm ta for that advice. I think my skin is more olive (though if it ever sees the sun then of course it’s nicely tanned, but as I live in Britain – this is a rarity!). Perhaps I need to get me over there again and look available – ha ha!

@all reading this

As for comments about British men – my experience is that they’re quite wet (and not in the hgyiene shower sense!!). Though it doesn’t much sound like Swedish men have balls either. Do they??

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Sapphire

April 12th, 2010 at 10:01

@Ciro – Check out this post on bars to visit in Stockholm: http://lostinstockholm.com/2010/04/12/best-bars-and-pubs-to-visit-in-stockholm/

I’ll put up another post on places to visit in the city.

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Mats

April 13th, 2010 at 01:19

I’m so tired of the male stereotype I read about here.

“And finally I need to say that Swedish males are pretty easy to figure out, well most men are. We want sex, food, sports, the occasional game and a steady paycheck.”
What the hell are you talking about? Don’t push your view of your life down my throat. :) I “want” those things you list too, well not sports which I loathe, but the rest. But is that all? It takes more to get my interest I tell you. Not everyone is so hyped about it either, this is again just playing on the old stereotype.

“And I hate to be the one who says it, but “men who know themselves beyond a few physical preferences and I’ve benefitted from their depth, wisdom and humor…” ,is only another way to get some, food, eex and breasts.”
This plays on the old stereotype that women don’t think of getting it on. I’m doubting you have that many female friends. My female friends love talking about it. Women loves it as much as, or even more than men. Sometimes men and women don’t listen to each other, but that’s another story.

Me? I’m damn complicated.

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Juni

April 15th, 2010 at 06:55

Hej Mats
I agree. Almost all the woman I know (including myself) like, want and talk aboutit just as much as men and usually with more details or so I’m told by some male friends.

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apocalypse nowish

April 15th, 2010 at 21:49

@Princess
There are hundreds (probably thousands) of Swedes living in London. Every time walking through Hyde Park I stumble upon one or two of them.

Use the searchthingy online and go find them. Lots of them. And look for the Church, don’t remember the address now, but it is located pretty central.

Maybe also visit: http://storminawineglass.blogspot.com/

One of many Swedes in London Blogging. Nice Girl too. :)

And being half Egyptian you would probably end up on my radar… :)

@Mats:
You’re lying.

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EJM1234

April 16th, 2010 at 04:10

Hello :)

So I have a question? Are there a lot of interracial dating in Sweden? I’m African American and I will be moving to Sweden soon so I’m just curious :)

Thanks!

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Amanda nguyen

April 16th, 2010 at 23:39

Swedish men are lovely, they act like a child when they are in love but they are shy and slow, men shouldnt be tat, sometimes i feel unprotected. Dont know if they would be a good husband or not but some are callous

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Björn

April 18th, 2010 at 00:01

“Swedish men are lovely, they act like a child when they are in love but they are shy and slow, men shouldnt be tat, sometimes i feel unprotected. Dont know if they would be a good husband or not but some are callous”

Hehe that is pretty funny to read because I made friends with some italians a few summers ago and they told me that I literally lack feelings lol. Not sure what you mean about “unprotected” when it comes to women we are not idiots and give them space. On some occasions when an american woman who asks me for directions or whatever and we start talking more generally I often get in trouble with her guy like “why are you talking to my girl?” or “are you talking to my girl!?” to which I always respond something like. “Yeah well she started talking to me, what is the problem?” and then it just goes downhill. If you want something like that then, you can find it in sweden, but I wouldt recomend those guys hehe.

Other than that, yeah depending on the swedish guy you meet. I could guarantee that you would be hapy having him as a husband. But we are not some sort of fairy tale prince sort of guys. We are like any other guys so if you can find a good swedish man, you can find a good man in whatever country you live in too.

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Angel

April 23rd, 2010 at 20:02

I found this blog by chance when I was doing a Google search to try to understand a guy who I’ve been chatting with for a month now. From what I’m reading about dating in Sweden, it sounds very refreshing after what I’ve been dealing with in what’s quite possibly the most conservative region of the US(the South)!

Our emails have been very interesting, I’ve actually been able to have an intelligent conversation with a man for once without him acting defensive. We’ve also both admitted a few very deep and personal things about ourselves to each other. The emails have been slightly flirtatious, but then when I did mention to him that I’m taking the flirtatious part a bit more slowly just because of the part of my dating culture where passionate is all too often equated with slutty, he was very respectful and is still as open as ever. It’s new for me, my experience with men untill now has been terrible.

Basically, my intuition has been telling me that this man is someone I definitely need to get to know. The only nationalities I’ve dated untill this point were American and Australian, bad experiences with both. In fact, my last 2 boyfriends, who were American, didn’t bother to let me know that they were cheating on someone else with me, in one case the man had a pregnant wife he was cheating on with me! So I definitely have trust issues now when it comes to men. This is also the first time in my life I’ve seriously tried online dating. The Swedish man I’m chatting with now and I have been emailing daily, and I did recently ask if he had MSN. He said he didn’t but has Skype, but “wouldn’t we run out of things to talk about?” I gave him a Skype ID that I have but don’t use often and told him to add me when he’s ready. Our emails certainly haven’t slowed down or gotten less intense, so obviously he’s still interested, but then after my experience with my last 2 boyfriends I can’t help but wonder if he’s hiding a girlfriend or wife. It’s promising that at least it seems like taking things slowly is normal in Sweden, but I do wonder what you guys’ take is on this.

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Tomas

April 24th, 2010 at 19:39

@Moonlight

Lol at trying to find swedes in a church. That’s probably not the best place to look for us =b

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Moonlight

April 24th, 2010 at 23:08

@Angel

Good Lord, and I thought my ex-bf’s were suckers:) Anyway, I think you should meet up:) Find a neutral palce (that way none of you have an advantage of a “comfort zone”) , get separate hotel rooms if you dont want to look like you want to sleep with him and go explore the strange town together:) I mean, with emails, skype or msn – even video calls – you cant explore the person fully, like body langusge and so on, its much easier to tell the truth from the lies that way. The best way to find out if he’s hiding a wife/girlfriend is probably just to ask straight, but its best done face-to-face, preferably after a lasting kiss and a smile and the question should sound as if you’re only asking because he’s just too good to be true and watch the reaction:))) Even better one – Tell him (in a form of a joke) that its nice talking to him/spending time with him, but, knowing your luck he’s probably got a wife and three kids – again, watch the reaction:) And that applies to any man of any nationality:) So thats the general view of men. As for a swede in particular – as far as I’ve heard of Sweden, women are quicker to cheat on their partners these days, but as everywhere and always – there are exceptions to the rules. As for previous relationships – forget about them – they were b******s and they were not worth you if they did such things. I know we, women, like to say all men are pigs, but as a rule – there are quite a few exceptions there, no matter how have the previous relationships ended. The main theory on men is that they are like water – hold it in your open cupped hand and it will stay there, but as soon as you try to squeeze – its bursts through your fingers and its all gone.

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Moonlight

April 24th, 2010 at 23:13

@Tomas

hahahaha, I was only googling the church:) usually if you find a mosque – you know that there are muslims living in the area:) And probably drinking in some local bar:)

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Ivy

April 25th, 2010 at 00:05

@Bjorn
“Yeah well she started talking to me, what is the problem?”

Of all the things you could possibly say to the typical douchey American guy, THAT is the worst! xD I’ve heard guys say less and still get hounded!

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Angel

April 26th, 2010 at 01:18

Moonlight,

Thanks, and I’ll definitely keep all of that in mind! Maybe he is an exception to the rule, but it’ll be a while before we meet anyway seeing as one of us getting to where the other lives will take upwards of 10 hours on planes.

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Moonlight

April 26th, 2010 at 09:51

@Ivy

Our Bjorn here probably stands at a minimum of 185cm and got some distinctive bicepses, so the typical douchey american probably pees his pants when he finaly gets a view of what is he getting himself into and runs away as far as the eyes can see =))) :P Hahahahaha!:)

@Angel

No worries, I hope it wont take long for you two to meet:))) I have gone through that myself – I happened to date 3 married men in total – I was so paranoid afterwards that I ruined another good few relationships with my insecurities and suspiciousness until I managed to put the past behind me. You know – “To the left, to the left” :) Dont know if you like Beyonce:))) You’ll have to open a new page one day, so why not make it today:)

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Ivy

April 26th, 2010 at 22:11

@Moonlight

Point taken xD

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Princess

April 28th, 2010 at 23:16

@apocalypse nowish

Ok delayed reaction to advice – right let me get this straight I’ve to wander around Hyde Park and look available a la previous advice from Bjorn whilst looking as half Egyptian as I can manage (got Eye of Horus tat so will flash this around and look as ‘exotic’ as I can muster).

Well that all sounds a piece of cake. You went on about a church but now this doesn’t seem the right appraoch (and i’m an atheist so that suits me). OK then Swedish men – start that queue. Will Alexander Skarsgard join it I wonder??

If I do find said Swedish man I need to get him rip roarinly drunk immediately because if I don’t do this he’ll do a caveman impression and grunt. I can whip him off for cake (is this still an option in London – or does it loose it’s potency outside Sweden?) BUT he may bring a friend and this may not be the right way to seduce him – best stick to hard stuff for that. Least alcohol is cheaper in the UK. I don’t need to remortgage the house just to get the guy to have a conversation with me.

Phew, right, think getting the hang of this pulling Sweish men malarky – any more tips people?

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Björn

April 29th, 2010 at 00:46

@Moonlight

LOL! Im more like 173-175cm tall and my biceps are not as distinctive as I would like. Allthough I am working on it =). But most idiots who act like that are not as badass as they think are. And aslong as they dont have a bunch of friends at their back they wont do much more than talk big.

@Princess

Not so sure about the church either, maybe if it was a bar with a church theme, or if he is religous, a church with a bar theme lol.
You should’t need to get him drunk, if he has any national pride at all he will do that on his own =P. Try to start an conversation, and if he seems a bit shy then ask him if he knows of any good bars/pubs close by (again, if he has any national pride, he will definatley know!) after he has made his suggestions, ask if he wants to join you for a beer or two. That should work wonders.

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Moonlight

April 29th, 2010 at 10:38

@Bjorn

True:) it all depends on the tone as well:) I remember when I was a night manager in a hotel, I managed to get whole stag parties terrified being a shortass myself:))) Sometimes they even came back with flowers and chocolates to apologise for causing trouble:)

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Princess

May 1st, 2010 at 19:04

@Bjorn

Ta for that – so alcohol is going to help – isn’t that the same with any man?? Are there any bars/pubs in London that Swedish males flock to then?

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Cooldudesweden

May 1st, 2010 at 22:51

@ Princess : I think alcohol does not help, however it makes the person go out of senses and make him more numb towards feelings.

I would love to know if there are really some bars of the sort as asked by you ,since I am new here and would love to meet swedish girls.

by the way Princess : How about a coffee date with you , lols

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Andrea

May 2nd, 2010 at 10:45

Lagom, no passion or drive for anything, no dancing and such, keeping the wifey for sex and food, I had to hold that door for myself etc, evening program is computer games for hours – main reasons why I divorced my Swede… If Swedish guys are normally like that, I don’t think I will even date another one…
Drinking, which I can’t stand, would make it even worse, my husband at least wasn’t drinking. Okay, a glass of nice wine to a dinner or such is fine, but to make drinking a program, just for the sake of getting drunk and blur your senses and mind – I never could see how was that good.

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Princess

May 2nd, 2010 at 18:50

@Cooldudesweden

Aren’t you swedish?? Surely meeting Swedish girls is kinda easy if you live there! I’m not Swedish in slighest by way.

As for coffee – hmmm OK then, but being typically English I drink tea – how does this work on blog then??

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Björn

May 5th, 2010 at 21:51

@Princess

Sorry, never been there so I dont know any good bars.

And I think alcohol helps alot, it also depends on where the swedish guy grew up and how his parents grew up. Drinking has become less and less in some social circuits, mainly because alot of the “younger” swedish males have become more metrosexual, like wearing makeup and generally acting like females. I you want a feminine guy then alcohol is a no go, but there are still those that act in a more manly fashion and thats where alcohol is good. But only if you have a few drinks yourself, no one likes to drink alone=D.

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Björn

May 5th, 2010 at 21:59

@Princess

I forgot to add. Over here, atleast in stockholm it seems. More often than not, you meet at a party/bar while drunk, do it and then if you like it you keep in touch and after that a relationship might evolve. Both male and female are generally drunk on the first night, and that is most likely why being drunk is a good thing when meeting a swedish guy=P.

You dont have to sleep with him, but being a bit tipsy while he is drunk will help overall.

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Moonlight

May 6th, 2010 at 14:33

@ Bjorn

I just came up with an interesting question – how much alcohol can swedes handle and still remember what was that “night” like? Or that something happened at all? :D I mean it would be a shame to outdrink a guy ;))) I’m hardly alcoholic – but my b’days and New Year’s Eves are usually proper russian style haha – total memory loss after 5am:))) We’ve been talking about b’days with the swede that disappeared a few weeks ago – according to him, 1 litre of vodka, 0.7 litre Kahlua, and half a bottle of Amaretto would be a normal night out:))) I still have a feeling that there’s no way he could handle that:))))

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T

May 7th, 2010 at 03:59

While I have seen the alcohol used as a “relaxer” with some of my Swedish male friends, I also have some that refuse to drink a ton or hate that it’s an excuse used (the friend’s words, not mine). Really depends on the guy, I think.

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Princess

May 7th, 2010 at 20:07

Ha – have found an English pub with Swedish links – am gonna be hanging round there a lot and look like I enjoy football and hockey!

@Bjorn

Yuck feminine men nope, not for me, like a man to be manly please.

I will agree that a little bit of alcohol can help matters and those that tend to be totally bladdered a lot tend (generalisation, generalisation) younger people. You mature – you should be able to hold a conversation and charm the opposite sex – so are we saying that Swedish men aren’t that great at charming the ladies without quite copious amounts of drink inside them?? Isn’t that a bit pathetic?

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Moonlight

May 7th, 2010 at 22:13

@Princess

so arent you gonna share the location of the pub with us??? :D

And (just my opinion) dont pretend you’re interested in sports that you actually arent interested in, unless you are looking for something short-term:) Disappointment often comes after they find out that you’re not really a fan of footie/hockey/whatever and you could scare off some guys with which would actually accept you just as you are – with your likes and dislikes:)

Meant in a nice way of course:)
Good luck, keep us posted;)

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Princess

May 9th, 2010 at 18:54

@Moonlight

Of course it’s Harcourt Arms, Harcourt Rd, Marylebone (nearest tube Edgeware Rd) – anyone been? Apparently have learnt this area is ‘Little Sweden’ near Swedish Church and Hyde Park so that’s why there may be so many around there.

Any London based ladies fancy a hunting party to the pub then?

Don’t worry I wouldn’t dream of actually snagging a football obsessed bloke – unless they were a Freddie Lundberg look-alike (ooh how shallow of me)

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Moonlight

May 9th, 2010 at 21:24

:))) will put it on the list for the next trip to London, thanks:)))

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Carlson

May 11th, 2010 at 19:03

@Moonlight
I’m a Swedish guy living in America right now… and an average night out drinking will typically run me 100$~ That still leaves me capable of driving home. If I’m not driving and am partying, My bar tabs rake up to about 300-400$. My last big night out was 19 shots of Vodka, several long island ice teas… and random other drinks. Beer I can drink all day and never even feel the effects. I’m 6’4, and actually don’t drink that often. That is kind of my inherent Swedish tolerance.

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Princess

May 12th, 2010 at 20:08

@Carlson

You sound like bit of alchy to me – not just Swedish. Plus you drink + drive! Are you an idiot? You sound young as well + all that booze will have a negative effect some day. Glad you’re not driving around tanked up in the UK!

That’s a lot of cash to spend on drink – you must be earning some, mister.

God I sound so sensible…

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Björn

May 29th, 2010 at 00:08

@ Moonlight

Sorry for being a bit late, I just saw your question. How much a man can drink before blacking out is pretty individual. I can have 4 beers and it usually does not even show, sometimes 5. But after 5 you will normally see me being affected by it. But I usually have around 10 beers normally, I can add some spirits to that aswell and still remember pretty much everything from last night the same way I would remember the night as if I was sober.

It really depends on how much sleep Ive had the last couple of days, how much I have eaten before I start drinking and if I am dehydrated or not.

@ Princess

We are not uncapable of charming the opposite sex without alcohol, but alcohol is in our culture. It is not only men who get drunk here, swedish women drink alot too. Most women in sweden who complain that guys cant keep a conversation unless they are drunk, are most likely women who try to have a nice level and sober conversation with men in a nightclub. When we go to a nightclub, the large majority of us will be drunk, that is just how it is. If you want to meet sober swedish men, go to a cafe or something.

To say that swedish men cant have a conversation without alcohol is pretty much like saying that a woman dont know how to meet a man in any other way than standing at the bar trying to look as pretty as possible while hoping that the guy she likes will come over and try to pick her up.

We like to drink, but drinking is not who we are =)

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Kate

June 1st, 2010 at 23:26

Hi there, all! I got a little problem here.

I’m moving to Göteborg in mid-September.
I know not a single soul out there and I’m really, really nervous about that. I’d love to meet bunch of new people, but the art school I’m going to tiny and I definitely wanna get to know more than that (and, I’m not hiding it, why not date someone :)).

I’m 20, from Poland, not really a hot doll – mainly because I am chubby (not obese chubby, but undeniably chubby :( I’m working out and all, but the chances I’m gonna be Angelina Jolie by the time I move there are slim ;)). I don’t think anyone would be hitting on me by themselves. Not with all those cute girls around.

If I were in the USA or Canada, I’d just go sit in some coffee houses and accost people, but I realize I would appear desperate or insane if I were behaving like this in Sweden. :( Especially when I would have to speak to them in English (my Swedish is weak). The only positive side of it that they will likely take me for an American because of my accent. Americans, well, “are” psychos, so the Swedes shouldn’t mind, right? ;)))
I don’t wanna hang around bars either — someone would get a wrong impression I’m looking for a one night stand; approaching people in their group of friends is weird and not cool… and above all – it would be simply unsafe for me.

Got any advice for meeting new people in Sweden without being taken as a wacko (or a slut)? :( Because no matter how much I don’t want it to be true I actually am kinda desperate about that. I hate that vision of having nobody to speak to. ;(( I never really had that problem until now so I’m clueless.

Take care!

Kate

PS. Sorry for a long rant! Am I too talkative for Sweden or what? And to think I tried to keep it short! ;)
PPS. Sorry for any typos etc, I’m kinda tired. :)

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Carlson

June 2nd, 2010 at 16:38

@Princess
I get the lush comment a lot. The sad fact is, I’m not. I typically only drink once or twice a week, I just drink a lot when I do. I just have a very very high tolerance, which I blame on being Swedish.
As Björn said: “We like to drink, but drinking is not who we are =)”
Yes, I drink and drive sometimes, but I drive really well. Even DUI checkpoints don’t stop me. I should also specify I spend a few hours drinking only water while my friends are still drinking, (if I’m driving). I do make quite a bit of money, I work for a large law firm.
I am relatively young, 27. When I’m in UK, I don’t drive typically. I prefer public transportation, since it is a vacation and I drink a lot if I’m there. If I was actually Tanked, I’d get a cab, or walk, but that doesn’t happen because I know when to stop.

I suppose my first post did make it sound pretty bad. Hope that clarifies. I’m not just some random drunk hobo spouting nonsense.

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Princess

June 2nd, 2010 at 20:35

@Carlson
Ah bless thanks for that explanation – feel like such a cow now having written that post! I’m a bossy, nosey English lady – oh dear not fostering much Euro entente cordial here am I?

Perhaps I should be offering to buy you a drink when you’re in the UK to make amends ;-)

Do you have pink long ears and red lips like your cartoon pic? I’m red with bat wings obviously!

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Ayla

June 4th, 2010 at 20:14

Hello! I was wondering what swedish men in their 20’s are like? Im learning swedish and am going to go to sweden soon with my friend! Thanks :)

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Carlson

June 18th, 2010 at 15:20

@Princess
LOL, Being an American-Swedish man, I wouldn’t let you buy me a drink, but I’ll buy you one =) I’ll let you suggest the pub though, having more experience there then I eh? I’m a very relaxed and happy person, so nothing ever really offends me.. just makes me laugh =)

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Dano

June 19th, 2010 at 00:10

Just found this thread! Been laughing at Princess trying not to seem like an “Essex girl” lol.
I think your original post to carlson was spot on btw.Then again,he drink drives in America and it seems to be the national pastime there!
@Carlson – trust me mate,we ALL think we’re great drivers,and thats before drinking…we’re not!
No matter how good you are you can NEVER take into account what the other driver/person will do.Survive,and fail a breath/blood test,and you’re up shit creek without a paddle..bigtime!
It never ceases to amaze me how drink driving is so popular in America.It’s nearly as popular as the multi million dollar law suits that can possibly be launched against you!
Does your law firm pay you that much mate?

@Kate – i’m a little late but as everyone ignored you i’ll try. Just be yourself when you arrive.Don’t be afraid to talk to people,just try not to be too pushy.Most swedish 20 yr olds will speak excellent English,so it shouldn’t be a problem.Good luck. ;)

@Ayla – Were you named after the Ayla from the “clan of the cave bear” books? Always liked her,she was …sexy! lol
Swedish guys in their 20’s are like guys in their 20’s anywhere else.Except they have silly hair and wear 80’s clothes,or are just entering the “waistband of jeans around the knees” stage!
Avoid them like the plague!!

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Princess

June 19th, 2010 at 13:17

@Dano – ESSEX GIRL!!! I’m a Northerner mate from the proper posh part of Cheshire – don’t be so offensive.

@Carlsson – OK can live with the macho approach on the buying drink front. Think can handle making you laugh + choosing pub.

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Dano

June 19th, 2010 at 14:16

Lmao! I sid “seem like an Essex girl” not “is one!” :))
Proper posh part of cheshire eh? Still makes you Greater Manchester! :P Met girls from those parts in my time.Ever wear white stillettos? lol.
Hmm,an English teacher from the proper posh part of cheshire who wears white stillettos,is “bossy” and at times can act “like a right cow”.
Lordy,my “potential to act like a pornstar” detector is beeping loud and the needle has gone into “overload”! :o
Can i buy you drink too please..mistress? :)

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Princess

June 19th, 2010 at 15:07

@Dano – white freakin stillettos! Over my dead body – am defo not a WAG wannabe – have far too many brains for that! Plus not teaching anymore cos it’s dullsville + kids are flippin annoying. I’ll give you the bossy cow comments. Am far too middle class + well brought up to consider a career as a pornstar…plus can only accept one free drink at a time and Carlsson was first!

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Dano

June 20th, 2010 at 13:41

Never met a girl who only accepts one free drink at a time..you’re my new hero! :o
It’s ok hun,just gimme a shout if he wraps himself around a tree or kills some innocent sod and can’t make it. :)

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Princess

June 21st, 2010 at 00:17

@Dano – that made me giggle and having a really awful weekend so thanks a million for the titters – keep ‘em coming :-)

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Dano

June 21st, 2010 at 15:04

Sorry you’re having a rough time right now hun,keep smiling and i’ll do what i can. ;)

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Carlson

June 21st, 2010 at 15:53

@Dano
ROFL, I suppose you didn’t quite catch the full extent of it. When I “Drink and Drive” it is within the legal limit. I mentioned passing dui checkpoints, that is because I’m under the legal limit, and they can’t do anything about it. Which means my senses are still with me. If I am not driving is when I drink a lot. I actually had a fiancée die to a drunk driver hitting her. As such I’ve become extremely (albeit Painfully) aware of my limits. I am very in tune with my body. So, no worries mate, I’ll be just fine on that front. No car wrapping or vehicular manslaughter.

@Princess
Only one free drink, what if I bought you two? Sorry ya had a bad weekend. Hopefully things will look up! =)

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Princess

June 21st, 2010 at 20:55

@dano – thank you! Am smiling and feel much better after sorting so stuff today but keep them chuckles a coming please.

@Carlsson – two drinks, woah, think could handle that, just about! Having read your post to Dano now feel even worse about my previous comments. Am really sorry to hear about your fiancee. Puts my woes into context. Am eating humble pie…

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Dano

June 22nd, 2010 at 10:30

@Carlson – seems like she’s broken a nail.I’ve seen this have devastating effects on women before.I’d wait a couple of weeks until it regrows or you could end up being a target for pent up womanly fury!

If you’re only drinking under the limit then i guess i have no problem with that.Apologies.

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Mysiak

July 7th, 2010 at 14:23

I absolutely love this observation and point F “Spend hours analyzing the various ways in which aforementioned text message could be misinterpreted” is personally my favourite one since it sounds familiar even though I am not Swedish (I only look like one).

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LoverOfCommonSense!

July 11th, 2010 at 20:57

Okay, women, you want to know what men really think… Swedish, American or otherwise? It says it most plainly in this book, “For Women Only – What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men” by Shaunti Feldhahn. Now, some of it is pointedly towards the inner workings of the American man, growing up in their specific culture, but much of it is about all men, everywhere, and the basic workings of actual man, such as described in the chapter, “Keeper of the Visual Rolodex” (Why it’s so natural for him to look and so hard to forget what he’s seen), which is understood through much research, surveys, and discussion with men from all around. Very interesting and eye-opening. I recmmend it to women everywhere.

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Carlson

July 13th, 2010 at 15:31

@Princess
No need to feel bad. What happened is over with, I was just trying to explain myself since my vague posts at first didn’t. So, the fault isn’t yours, or Dano’s but mine.

@Dano
Haha, broken nails can be healed with a kiss and nail clippers. If it was a bad break, then maybe some ice cream. And no apologies needed, I don’t take offense at all. =)

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Princess

July 13th, 2010 at 20:11

@Dano – was that broken nail comment aimed at me??!

@Carlson – ahhh feel even worse now so really feel should be buying you a drink but we’d need to be in same place!

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Kiran

July 18th, 2010 at 07:33

It seems ive got the only non quiet swede in the whole world. My other half is an all singing, all dancing contradiction of the typical swedish man. Its difficult to shut him up. But when it comes to romance he lacks the ability and awareness of what is considered normal.

Attempt at a compliment – ‘I know everyone fancies Elliot from Scrubs, but you’re more like Carla – small and angry and quite scary”
When he proposed to me I got the immortal words “How do you propose? Is it ‘will you marry me…at some point?’ Do you need to HAVE a ring? I should get a ring too or something nice at least”
And I cant forget the vodkagate incident of 2009 when he bought me a bottle of Rusky Standard for my birthday.

Dont expect a swedish man to be good at the romance, but they are sincere and very sweet in their own way.

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Dano

July 18th, 2010 at 14:16

@ Princess – No idea,it was ages ago..but probably,lol.

@Kiran – Who’s Elliot?Who’s Carla? What’s scrubs?
Englishmen are worse.We’d have drank the vodka and just told you we’d forgotten your birthday!!

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Sara

July 18th, 2010 at 17:04

@Dano – Scrubs is an American comedy show about doctors working in the E.R. Elliot is the lovely blonde & ditzy doctor and Carla is the cute though sassy latina nurse.

@Kiran – It’s the thought that counts… right? ;)

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Cat

July 22nd, 2010 at 19:06

Hi guys!
I have some concerns about this statement that sex comes before relationship generally. What to say about Östermalm? Is it considered to be like a different Universe or what? Cause I heard that girls from here usually don’t do it after meeting a guy in a club somewhere on Stureplan or so. They keep being more conservative and need to save their purity. To have wild and countless fun they wing to southern europe where nobody knows them. Otherwise their reputation might be spoilt and nobody will marry them here :)

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Crystal

July 27th, 2010 at 14:39

Hi I know Swedish guys like to take their time in establishing relationships, but what is the best way to approach the topic of commitment?

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SteveB

August 8th, 2010 at 11:51

Swedes and dating Swedes? Bo-o-o-oring!

I am so tired of this awkwardness in ANY social situation; dating included. There is way too much room for misunderstanding, and so little passion.

I give up. I am moving.

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Princess

August 8th, 2010 at 16:32

@SteveB – oh dear that sounds all v direct and passionate! Where are you gonna move to for directness and passion…hmmm…I’m thinking…passionately and directly thinking of course!

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nastya

August 9th, 2010 at 14:38

I could not agree more with the text culture in Sweden. In fact I love it! I do not like to talk too much and I love the dating cuture in Sweden compared to the States. American Dating is too emotional and messy. I love to be able to just say it if I want only a shag. They do not play with your feelings after that. It is great!

On and… Fika! Don’t forget fika. If he wants to fika with you at his place, he is likely interested in you more than just a one night stand. If he wants to drink with you, then it is safe to say that he only wants sex :)

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Jenevia

September 19th, 2010 at 07:15

Wow! There is so much fascinating information on here about Swedish men/culture. I really love “fika”. Even though I live in America, I do not like how people date here. “Fika” makes much more sense to me because you are free to enjoy someone’s company without the pressure of trying to impress them. Dating is so disingenuous because people act differently and there is added pressure.
I want some Swedish friends! As a whole, they sound like they would be great fun to hang out with! ^_^

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Jenevia

September 19th, 2010 at 07:20

@nastya “American Dating is too emotional and messy.”

You are so right! I live in America, and I can barely have a conversation with American guys, let alone date them! My mum is Japanese, and I have always preferred conversing with people from other countries, or at least Americans who have traveled enough to have a great appreciation for other cultures.

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Jessica

September 19th, 2010 at 15:25

I have been thinking of what has been posted here about Swedish men and I was wondering, if there are any, what the difference was between the Scandinavian men? Or is what has been said about the Swedes applicable to all the Scandinavian men?

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Laura

September 22nd, 2010 at 10:17

Hey, i just hooked up with your blogs! it’s really interesting to read. Well anyway, i’m from asia (26) single and i met a swedish guy (30) from the internet. He is divorced with 1 kid. We’ve been SMS-ing, chatting on msn for about 5 months. But sometimes i feel he got too busy with his work and also parenting his son (since his son lives with him) so we just about say hello and a little bit chit chat and seeing each other on skype less then 30 mins.
I just feel that he doesn’t take this kind of relationship got deeper, he never told me about his life and never asking me either but he just tried being nice to me. So i’m a bit confused with this. Should i leave this relationship before i’m getting hurt or what?

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Alexandra

November 5th, 2010 at 04:23

Greetings!
First, I must say I’ve been reading this blog for quite a while – but have yet to ever contribute. I felt that now is a good time to join, and I have enjoyed reading the many entries!
After reading this, I definitely agreed with you. At my university I met a Swedish man (I’m American) and when I first met him I hated him – he was so rude to me, because he couldn’t understand my Swedish. Later on, though, he gave the look. I picked up all the cues I read from here! All these A to Z’s are true – it’s quite hysterical! He is very fashionably dressed (just like his Swedish friends), is very shy, an avid texter, wears tight jeans (but look so good!) and insists on putting salt water into his hair (anyone else heard of this?)
I asked him about the monogamy question stated in other posts, and he acted like I was crazy – he said that doesn’t happen in Sweden, and his parents have been married for about thirty years. They do open up a lot once you get to know them, and they love IKEA to death. Once you nab a Swede, I will say they do make great boyfriends – very affectionate! They do tend to go after foreign girls as well apparently:)
I may be going to Lund/Malmö next year, I’d love to hear anything about that area and the university!

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Irina

November 18th, 2010 at 11:35

…have been reading this blog for a while…met a Swedish guy during my student work. Thought we met first in September but actually he attended my session in May- I had no impression of him at that time, though. He keeps around our organization and helping out with meetings and trainings without being a member. He’s smart and fun and easy going as a person. I invited him to our organization’s parties several times since the 2 months and he comes every time I asks. Got drunk twice and danced together. But both of us have been sober at the top of our minds so nothing actually happend. That’s one of the things that I like about him: he’s not screwing around although I do think there has been girls chasing after him before. I am sure he’s single now, though. I find myself liking him too much but we don’t have chances to meet in other situations other than my work. I could feel he likes me as a friend but not sure about whether he’s got further feelings. I do not want to keep our relationship within “work” so I invited him home for a dinner party with some other friends last week. It turned out ok but seems that he was not that talkative during that dinner.

I am an Asian girl and never in my life have I made the first move. Tomorrow will be his birthday and I EMAILED him to ask whether he has time for fika. I am thinking of telling him my feelings if I actually have the gut…He will go for an exchange to Lituania in spring so I don’t have so much time left before he goes away. All my friends know that I am crazy about this person but at the same time no one thinks I am sending enough hints and no clues from his side also.

I need the courage. Well strategy is even better. Just cannot read him and not so sure how to tell him without being too awkward. I still want to be around him if he does not like me, and I don’t want to be awkward in my student organization also.

I have never thought of say something like “I like you” to a guy first before. This is one of my biggest chanllenges in life…

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Raj

November 19th, 2010 at 16:39

Hi All,

I just read the blogs. It is interesting with more information from individuals heart. I like the way the people expressed their feelings.
About Me:

I am Raj, i am in stockholm for past 2 months. I am asian, i am working as a software engineer. I like to make new friends especially in stockholm who can move with me in understanding each other.

@Irina,

All the best. Express your feelings well. Hope you will get him :-)

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Sophie

November 20th, 2010 at 22:58

Hi everybody,

@Irina

Swedish like no other definitely need this first move, but if i were you i wouldn’t say “i like you” directly because it can scare him away. Be yourself! They value honesty and open persons. Additionally, his age does matter. Because it’s not popular among young Swedes to dive into serious relationship. I think the proper age is around 30. But it depends on what you want from him :)
If he likes you, he will definitely show it somehow – and there’s no difference if he’s Swedish or not. Don’t consider Swedish as something extra ordinary.
Say if he agreed for fika and what you said to him.

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Irina

November 21st, 2010 at 10:53

@Raj/Sophie

I am back..I had fika with him on his birthday. I made some sushi by myself. I knew I have no courage to say anything when I am facing him, so I wrote him a small note. But I did not even dare to give it to him anyway, just gave him the sushi box in the cafe. Nice fika time only.

He’s 26 now, kind of thoughtful and serious, and can also be very humourous and fun. I think he likes me at least as a friend, but really don’t know whether we can go further.

Well after I told my friends I did not even give him the note they encouraged me to send him a letter. They don’t want to see me guessing and worrying all the time. So I wrote a short letter yesterday, and maybe I will post it today if I have enough courage…Sounds too old-fashioned and outdated, right?

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Nimo

November 25th, 2010 at 08:51

I wonder what’s the gay scene like in Sweden. Ever thought of what happens when men are subjected to “The Look” instead? O.o

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Dano

November 25th, 2010 at 18:34

The gay scene is pretty big in parts of Sweden. Take a look at “the local”..Swedens news in English.Down the right hand side you’ll find “Swedens gay nightlife” (it used to be called that anyhow..). It’s a set of 20 or so pic’s taken around gay clubs in the week and at weekends.
(IF…you were being serious that is.)

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Ana

November 26th, 2010 at 03:25

@ Irina
Personally I do not think that it is old-fashioned or outdated to send a romantic letter to the person that makes your heart flutter…it is really a beautiful and endearing gesture. That being said however, I don’t recommend it being done unless you are in a romantic relationship with that person. A teacher once said to me (after being caught passing notes in class) don’t write it down unless you want everyone to know and you don’t mind it coming back to you.

Now as this pertains to you- I once wrote a letter to someone I felt strongly about and professed my enduring love and infatuation. WAIT! That last part was a bit of an exaggeration :) I did tell them how I felt- just not all campy and sappy and stuff. Anyway, I thought I knew them fairly well, we were friends, they were older than 30 years of age, lots of flirts and hints and stuff. Surprise! They didn’t feel the same and I could have died on the spot. We’re still friends but it’s a little weird. Now I cringe whenever I think of “the letter” mhahaha (insert evil laugh). It’s a testament to my idiocy.

I say enjoy the friendship. See if you can get a mutual friend to feel him out for a hint of how he feels about you. Do the fika/texting thing. Just don’t come out and say “I like you” because I don’t think it works for guys/Swedes in general. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you get your man.

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Sophie

November 26th, 2010 at 13:56

@Irina

Agree with Ana, enjoy friendship! And probably after a while he’ll think -isn’t it the best girl i ever met? :) So good luck to you.

Additionally, i have a question to those who are already in relationship with Swedes. How can you describe it?
I just think that not only dating culture is slow, r-ship development is veeeery slow as well :D I think they’re gonna just meet for ages before moving together (i don’t even speak about marriage).

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Nicole

January 12th, 2011 at 02:22

Very great blog!! Swedish men are fantastic :) wouldnt look anywhere else in the world!!

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Emery

January 13th, 2011 at 15:48

@Sophie: I honestly don’t see a difference between Swedish guys and American guys aside from the fact that American guys tend to be a lot more arrogant and impulsive. Besides that, they’re pretty much the same. Not all Swedish guys are gorgeous underwear models. I’ve seen plenty of ugly Swedes that give me temporary blindness, same with Americans, although there are plenty of ugly ducklings there are still heaps of uberly attractive ones.

I don’t think of my boyfriend as Swedish. I think of him as my boyfriend. Since we only speak English to each other most of the time I forget he’s even Swedish at all. I didn’t fall in love with him based on the fact that he is Swedish, he’s just awesome and that type of awesome can exist just about anywhere. Sweden has not patented the ‘perfect guy’ it’s all about chance, fate, etc.

So with that said…

@Nicole: Sure Sweden has some wonderfully nice and attractive manbait but that shouldn’t restrict you from finding that ‘perfect guy’ somewhere else. They’re not just exclusive to Sweden, I’ve met MANY a narcissistic and douchey Swede and those sour grapes are no fun. No matter how much I wanna see them naked ;__;

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SH

January 20th, 2011 at 09:27

I’m a Latina girl, and find the Scandinavian look (fair skin, blond hair, etc very attractive! I visited Stockholm and Oslo this past summer but didn’t really get to meet locals. I suppose it’s because I stayed in a hostel in Oslo and with a friend in Stockholm, and didn’t really get to mingle.

Anyway, I wanted to know how *difficult* it would be to meet a Christian Swede. My religion is very important and wish I could meet some Christians. I visited a church in Stockholm but most of the people where immigrants themselves.

I currently study in an ivy league university in the States and tried going to a meeting of the Scandinavian society but there weren’t many candidates. I’m looking for summer research positions/internships in Sweden and Denmark. Hopefully I’ll get to meet more people.

But what are your thoughts on religious Scandinavians? too difficult to find?

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N

January 22nd, 2011 at 13:39

Am a Swede living abroad.
I must say that this blog post is pretty accurate.

I must also say that Swedish girls are one of the most difficult species to hook up with compared to the american/british women i’ve met.

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Formica Virus

January 22nd, 2011 at 13:57

“But what are your thoughts on religious Scandinavians? too difficult to find?”

Very difficult. I’d suggest you look in our “bible belt” between Kalmar and Göteborg, for example.

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Alex

February 14th, 2011 at 21:48

Hi.
I LOVE this blog. So entertaining & informative.

I have a few simple questions tho, specific. Hopefully a Swedish MALE can help me, but anyone else with experience please assist.

I am an American female & I recently met a Swedish male. I am going to University in California & he is doing a year here from Malmo. <- i don.t have the fancy keys like he does haha.

We have "hung out" a few times because he lives in the same house as my friend from home. He seems really great & I think i like him. Or i am at least interested enough to want to pursue something. I.ve asked some of my (American) friends how do i know if someone likes you as a friend or is attracted to you but i realizeed that maybe American attraction is different from Swedish attraction. Hence why i am on this blog. (LOVE GOOGLE) haha.

Recently, i.ve tried to "flirt"? But i.m not sure how he would take it.
My questions are:

1) Is the gesture of sitting next to him on the couch & putting my legs on his lap taboo? Or just friendly? or romantic? How would a Swedish male interpret that?

2) I invited him to a basketball game at our school on the weekend & he said yes. How would I know if he considered that as me asking him out on a date or just me asking him as a friend, to hang out with me.

3)He volunteered that, while we were watching a basketball game, that while he wasn.t very good, if i wanted to shoot around the court for fun, he would go with me. <- Was that him being forward & asking me out? or just friendly?

4) My friend Kris (who he lives with) & his girlfriend, & I were going out to eat & i invited him to go with us. It ended up being just the 4 of us, 2 guys 2 girls & i wonder if me assuming he thought it was a double date is safe to say? or am i jumping the gun?

I apologize if i seem so lost & stupid. But i.m not really used to having to question simple gestures like these, because most people i am attracted to are easy to read. haha Damn Swedez! <- Kidding, just a joke, Swedish people seem amazing =]

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Kilika

February 27th, 2011 at 01:40

I am an American male and have lived in SE since 2000. I have still never really learned swedish as my english has always worked well if not too my advantage in biz and other communication. I have given up any interest in learning the language as there are not enough words too truly express myself in ways that I am and like too do. 1 language dies on the planet every 2wks today. Swedish is not on the list but soon Mandarin will be the foreign language taught too SE kids and China will speak the most english,and most proper english in the world. India will be the 2nd and USA will be the 3rd largest english speaking country… Word UP…. is a big reason why.
I read many ( a lot) of the posts here-
SE is one of the most introverted places I have ever been. The men are either mama’s boys at one moment or confident and expressive when intoxicated the next moment. The women are so influenced by USA’s materialistic BS and so overly independen yet want to be taken care of at the same time. I have never been so verbally attacked for opening a door, helping with a coat, giving up a seat, or any other gentleman like gestures in all my life. This seems to be backfiring for women in SE. They are single and insecure over being single , yet so overly independent that they tend to live alone and feel alone. The men seem to fuel this by being very cold, short, and rude to women and yet as alone and sad as the women to be alone too.
I have never heard women called whores as a put down or common saying in the US. Yet I hear it all the time in domestic disputes downtown or at parties and see it really damage girls self-esteem and further deep rooted feelings of insecurity. If I had a dollar for every guy I pounded for saying this to SE women I’d be rich. Or… if I had a hundred dollars for every SE women that defended the SE guy (that I pounded ) after being called a whore and worse…. alcohol brings out the worst in people:( I rarely drink:)
Alcohol is so completely and sadly abused and controlled here in the vodka-belt. I am sad too see that most swedes do not talk enough at all about anything important to them till it builds up and explodes outward. About the disease of addiction or their true feelings of anger, jealousy, regret, apology, and love. A good example of the introversion here…. a swede will not use the word love unless they have been with someone for a long period of time. Like the SE engaged folks…. for 20yrs??… that never really tie the knot! If a guy gets engaged too one of my sisters and does not marry them in 2years… we will have a guy to guy talk about this. I admit that we in the USA may over-use (??) the word love. But I would rather the word be used too much than not at all…
This is my first blog… I have ever read! I am now even more glad that I surf in the oceans and not on the net. I have a 10yr old son who can’t wait to go back to the USA as he is a dual citizen who wants to be in the USA as much as I. His SE mother was so bad at sharing her feelings, dealing with communicating, and using alcohol to blur reality that I am a happy single daddy and have only 8 more years here. I am looking forward too leaving sweden for good and never really missing anything at all…
Aloha nui loa Sverige

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Jessica

March 9th, 2011 at 12:25

Almost 2 years ago I spent 6 months in Sweden as an exchange student in the university, one guy gave me the look, and after sometime I realized that he has some interest in me, some friends here told me to make the first move and I did. We dated for some time but then I went back home.

I ask him if he wanted to continue with the relation, but he told me that we should better be friends, we have been in touch during all this time. Now I´m back in Sweden for one year, in the beginning I thought that he was just interested in being friends, but after a couple of weeks he’s giving the look again…

Should I wait until he says/do something…after all we already date some time ago…or I should do the first move (again) ?????

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Dano

March 9th, 2011 at 16:46

Why waste a year of your life Jess? Ignore his “look” and find someone else who’ll appreciate you more. Don’t give this guy another easy time. ;)

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Jessica

March 10th, 2011 at 12:28

Hehe…good point!! if anyway I have to start all over again :P Thanks for the advice Dano :D

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HP

April 24th, 2011 at 22:32

What does “professional” mean? I’ve heard this from several (american) people. He’s good looking, and a professional, she’s a professional. Professional what?

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Nils

April 24th, 2011 at 22:37

Kilika, with all due respect I think what you’re describing is more a product of your personal experiences than a statement about Swedes in general.

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Dano

April 25th, 2011 at 16:00

HP – “professional” is just a snotty way of saying they have a well paying job. Basically they’re not a trucker covered in crap and debt, for example.
All those single people you see in the movies with large absolutely perfect apartments are considered “professionals”. It’s just a way of saying “i’m better than him/her over there!”

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laky

April 28th, 2011 at 15:34

“N – Nagging is what girls may feel when the Swedes are unresponsive. It’s okay, give the guys some space and time to write/text you back.”

Rings completely true… but I still can’t get used to it.

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Rosann

May 7th, 2011 at 20:17

Hi,first of all, I really love this blog. I really need your advises!!

I’M DATING WITH SWEDISH GUY FOR 6MONTHS!!

He is soooo cute! looks alike Christian Bale,, cold face, so people can’t

approach to him easily.. But he is actually very shy person and quiet and romantic!!

I feel precious when I hang out with him.. BUT! He texts me about twice a week. which

is too little! One time I decided not to send him any message and waited for his msg.

I got a message after a week! we hang out at least once a week

and it has been 6 months. Now He is opening him self to me , but still i’m getting to

know him. I know I should be PATIENT! but I’m tired to do this…

HOW LONG USUALLY SWEDISH GUYS DATE WITH GIRLS TO BECOME

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP???

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clotilde

May 8th, 2011 at 06:17

I just don’t get the Swedish male. they drop too many hints, flirt, etc. then the next day it’s like nothing happened. so confusing!

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Oh really?

May 9th, 2011 at 08:56

If they’re so great, why are swedish women are leaving them in record numbers? I persoanlly have seen hot blonde swedish girls with blacks, east asians, arabs .. met plenty of them refused to date/marry swedish men.

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Nkosazana

May 10th, 2011 at 18:25

Oh really?

Because they are stupid? And I don’t believe that they are leaving them in record numbers. You could say the same for the Swedish men in my group of friends then, Half of them are married to so called “people of color”.

I love my Swedish man, he can provide for me if needed and is very loving, educated and we have been happily married for almost 5 years now. He respects me and my culture which is more than most of those men you list generally does.

Rosann

Heh, I would just ask him if he wanted to become serious. They can be a bit shy about stuff like that.

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genie

May 13th, 2011 at 06:53

@angel – what happened next?

@Princess – i live in london, scandinavian kitchen and
garlic and shots r where the geeky ones hang out ;)

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laky

May 13th, 2011 at 10:39

Rosann, think they are incredibly slow… and the ‘dating’ period for Swedes seems very ambiguous from what I hear/see/experienced. It might not even be a dating period since you see each other so little, chat only through sparse SMSs, and you feel like you have to take initiative. But based on length, you should be dating… However I think it comes down to one of you being more assertive (he as hell isn’t going to be good at it). So you can try, ask to see him more often and see how he responds.

When I met my swede, I didn’t think we were dating until we were well into the relationship. It really did feel as if we were just seeing each other when we had time and we both had completely separate lives, but now I realize things change when I also actually put in some work and not rely only on him to take the initiative. They really don’t open up and voice their thoughts if they had the option not to =P But best of luck to you…

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Dunia

May 13th, 2011 at 23:48

I dated a swedish guy for 6 months and it was good.He is really nice and good looking and he took good care and was even surprising me.But swedish men don’t like to commit themselves after just beeing together with a girl 6 months.Never push him too hard!!!! They are quiet men but now that I’m living and working here and talking their language I have to say that all men are just the same.Swedish men are not that much better than others and it takes a long time for them to start and it’s not easy not know what they want from you.
But I’m not here to talk *skit* about them..on the opposite I need some advise to make things work with my Swedy.I’m an arabic girl and totally interested in my boss.I didn’t know that he is my boss for the first 3 weeks ’cause swedes are so humble and treat everybody with respect.He is good looking but almost 8-9 years older than me and having children from an early relationship.We don’t meet each other at work and I’m a shy person who would never take the initiative ..but at a common evening where a lot of persons were invited he just joined me and started talking about himself and how he reached his position and how afraid he was to start new things in his life and then he asked me about some stuff which ended that I drank his beer and he started kicking me under the table!! But when I had later a problem with somebody who is close to him at work and he didn’t want to take position over what happened I just pushed myself away and became cold.Now he avoides me or lets say he just stay there and watch me while I’m avoiding him.I’m too afraid to show feelings now.Any advise??Is it like taboo to date an employer or is he afraid to date a girl from a different race while he is the big boss?By the way I’m nice looking and other swedish guys follow my moves but accually nobody dears to ask me out.Tack på förhand ..

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genie

May 14th, 2011 at 21:15

Dunia, mate. Never dip ur pen in the office ink. Leave the company and pursue him afterwards x

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Dunia

May 15th, 2011 at 14:27

@genie :
Thanks genie but this would simply means the end of it all because we live in two different cities and we see each other just at the workplace.
I forgot to say that 3 couples have met each other at our company and they are now married and one of those couples is a mixture of a swedish man and a foreign woman.
In Sweden there are no rules girls!
I think we can not that easily copy-paste our experinces which we have gathered from other countries and use them here.Every person is so unique and swedish people respect you most if you are not pretending to be something else than what you really are.But at the same time they are not so tolerant and would not change there own way of living and thinking ..
There is no mysterious about them,they are just too cold to show emotions and a little bit slow.If you can manage those both you might have luck with a swedy.
Good luck..lycka till !!

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jessica ann

May 16th, 2011 at 11:24

Wow, this post is intense! Haha so many people sharing info, it’s awesome.

I’m Australian and not gonna lie, I have a massive thing for Swedes. I’m heading over there next week for the first time and am so unbelievably excited! All that I’ve met are so quiet and polite, and rocking the whole ‘mysterious’ thing. Can’t wait to try my luck, although first thing everyone says is “they’ll know you’re not a natural blonde!” haha!

This post is great for a few tips ;)

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Annie

June 2nd, 2011 at 12:51

Hi all! I was searching for a translator while writing an email for a (swede) friend when I found this gem – have been having such a good time reading all your comments and a lot of them ring so very true :) I have to go now but I’ll definitely keep following and be back with my experiences/questions! Thanks for all the great contributions :)

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Isthe

July 22nd, 2011 at 09:57

Oh I do love this post !!! And I do believe everything which was posted about the swedes…… i had an online “emotional affair” with one….

Thanks all, you also made me laugh a lot :)

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berzirker

July 26th, 2011 at 13:03

first and foremost, i just adore your blog darlin’!
You seem to be an adventurous woman who knows herself well! :)
I do have a question. Blame it on my american ingenuity, but with what I see as a ridiculous situation on alcohol, could one brew one’s own beer? Perhaps that’s illegal there, but if I were in a position of like measure, I believe I’d take up the practice! Being from the southern US, if we do anything well, it’s cook and make booze!
On that same note, it seems to me that swedish culture is the polar opposite of southern US culture. We call everybody darlin’, honey, sweetie, chere, etc. We hug everyone, even people we just met, and the intent of any outing is clearly defined. (i.e. a date is a date.)
As far as the behavior and preferences of swedish men, I now have a better understanding of why I am inexorably trailed by them! I suppose a woman who is made happy by pleasing her man is very attractive in any culture! ;)

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Laura Alfaro

July 28th, 2011 at 08:02

Now I know that I have to leave my swede alone and not pushing him. I was wondering if he is really interested at all, as we exchange just a few words from time to time, and I have already told him that I love him, but he seemed not to be too responsive (even when he gives me some hints from time to time).
Thanks for all your blog, and especially this post, now I know what I am doing wrong

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Jenna

August 8th, 2011 at 01:59

I stumbled on this blog and honestly I was thinking, “WOW…. this is a really great blog and soooo scarily accurate!”

I met this Swedish guy online through this site called Interpals… I can’t remember but I think he randomly messaged me one day and we found from there that we have a LOT of similarities. I love his sense of humor, his sweetness, and his adorable looks. He is beautiful!!

Anyway, from what I got out of this blog is that Swedish men tend to be really shy and don’t open up so readily. Well the guy I’m talking to is definitely more open than the usual Swedish man and he’s already told me how much he likes me, and of course I’ve told him how much I like him… he’s coming over here in February for about a month and I am SO excited yet a little scared at the same time. I could see myself dating this guy and perhaps even getting serious. Yeah, we “click” that much it’s almost scary! I mean, I’ve never really had this before! I’m just thinking that when he goes back home, it’s so hard to be in long-distance relationships… I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

This guy is also NOT your traditional Swedish guy I think; he has traveled around a lot and has tattoos all over the place, and even though I’m not so into tattoos, I think they look rather sexy on him haha. You’ve just gotta look at the heart and the personality and ignore such things as that and he definitely has a great personality. Actually, he’s a lot like me… I may very well be a conservative version of him! lol

I do have a question: do a lot of Swedish guys get tattoos? Lots of them? Is it a big fad over there?

I have to say that after reading posts on this blog I’ve gotten more excited about his visiting me. I’ll be in college at the time and in my own apartment so he’s going to stay with me! :-D

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Jenna

August 8th, 2011 at 02:10

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I’m also from the US!

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Mar

August 23rd, 2011 at 08:55

Does anyone know where to meet a Swedish guy in Chicago IL U.S. Let me know !! ;)

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Chantal

September 25th, 2011 at 05:43

Hi,

Love your blog and all the stories.
Want to sahre my story too…
I have been “seeing” a handsome, and tall 34 year-old Swedish boy for over an year in NYC.
We met in a hotel bar, while he was drinking with friends and completely wasted (he told me afterwards of course, and he didn’t even remember my name next morning) obviously, it started like ‘one night stand’ but we kept in touch, slowly we began ‘seeing’ each other once a week. Sex is awesome, he is very kinky. Normally we only text each other, and I try not to text him too often. At the beginning, I couldn’t make out what our relationship means, because we both travel a lot, sometimes we only see each other once a month.
When we are both in town, we try to spend more time tougher. We spend lots of time at his or my place. He is a typical guy. Super rational, does’t talk about his feelings much. Love watching TV, food, and sex. And he always pays wherever we go, holds my hands when we go out or watch movies. We’ve never really talked about our relationship, because he is going back to Sweden for good very soon. I really like him, and I believe he likes me too.
Should I do something? Or should I just forget him?

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AppleBee

September 28th, 2011 at 00:31

Oh my gosh you need to DO something!! I don’t know how you feel about sex and everything, but it is something very very personal for me and if the guy is having sex with you, holding your hand, etc., I really think you should ask him where he stands with all of this. And you’ve been seeing him on and off for a year? It may be more casual to him, but you really need to find out for sure because it may bug you if you never asked before he went back to Sweden!

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dfrthertyh

October 19th, 2011 at 21:48

reading this has made me feel very really depressed. i quite like scandinavian men but reading this, especially some peoples comments, has upset me.

now its put me off scandinavian men. i get annoyed with all the stereotypes and then idiots maybe only pretending to confirm them. i thought scandinavian men TENDED to be generally nice people.

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Sapphire

October 19th, 2011 at 22:10

Hey @dfrthertyh, you shouldn’t get so depressed over a few comments. Everyone has bad experiences in relationships. If I called this article the A to Z guide to Dating Men, women would be writing their hearts out about broken love.

Some scandinavian men maybe douchebags, but most are quite nice. The catch is, they are from a different culture and it can be very difficult to understand what they mean.

Don’t be a sad puss!

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astre

October 30th, 2011 at 00:15

I’ve been studying in Northern Sweden, now in my second year…and all thru my first year, I have never met a suitable man so this year I thought I’d better expect to be single.

Just when I least expect it, a Swedish friend’s friend started taking interest in me. I wasn’t really interested in him but agreed to spend some one-to-one time with him since he proactively found opportunities to talk to me alone, bold and creative to ask me out and was quite a gentleman when the group of us hung out in the club (I also have been reading this thread and comments in 2010 before I flew over to Sweden to mentally-prep myself, so I know it takes some effort for a Swedish man to do this… or maybe it takes a rare type! haha)

That was 2 weeks ago. I didn’t expect myself to fall for him after the first date. He works so I had to wait 7days before I saw him for our second date, by then I was madly missing him… Initially I was worried about kissing and intimacy (since the culture is largely sex before dating, at least amongst local college students) because I’m South East Asian Chinese. He was been very open with me, keen to know me better, we talked about about our families and even a little about our love histories… and he doesn’t try to split grocery expenses down the middle (we have been cooking for each other at his place for our dates so far). I can tell he would not make physical advances towards me unless I initiate, and he was firm to not hold hands or hug if that makes me uncomfortable… I surprised myself too when I decided to kiss him on our second date, despite knowing myself as the conservative woman who needs more time than usual to trust a man. I guess I feel safety in his honesty and respect for me, and I have a feeling he will make me happy.

It’s not a bed of roses in our two dates, he was late for 15mins the first time and 30mins for the second one, because he was called back for work by clients. I put my foot down in our last date and told him calmly that I was very angry, that unless it’s some devastating event, he can spare half a minute to text me so I know I have control over my time and I will not worry for his well-being.
During our second date, I also noticed he wasted food like egg yolks (all 5 of them, because he did a meringue for dessert) and about half of the rice left over in the pot (he threw it away before my eyes). I told him on the way home and related it to my culture and upbringing, that every grain of rice is impt and that food (like yolks) can be saved for good use.
On both issues, he felt bad, apologized and understood my reasoning… so he will always text me if he is going to be late, and if there’re leftovers, one of us will take it home.

We text each other every 1-2 days… he sends the longest messages I have ever gotten from a guy, like 3-4 regular smses long, to tell me how his day went, what he did, answer qns from my last text and ask how my day went. Of course I hope to hear from him within 12h, but I also respect our personal time and distance… and I have to deal with him working (less time for me), having his own hobbies 2 nights a week and the occasional errand he runs for his parents or fika/party with his friends (havent been introduced yet, we’ve only started dating!).

After reading all the good and bad experiences here, and befriending some Swedes here in the past 1yr+… I didn’t expect to meet someone who shares my values, optimistic and tells I am a good person and a beautiful woman (not sexy, pretty or hot in my previous experiences with men). I have never met a man more compatible and gentle with me… Maybe the big difference was from the very first compliment he paid me: when we first met through a mutual friend, we were all helping to tidy and pack up some belongings, and he told me that he liked how structured and organized I was. I thought that was the strangest statement to make to a lady on first impression, but in retrospect it was the best compliment: I’ve just never been with truly decent men to hear respectful and honest compliments like these.
That statement was very Swedish of him, but I only realized it in retrospect!

Also I realized he might be sociable and verbalizes his questions/opinions readily, he isn’t so expressive with emotions. I am the who says “I missed you”, “I won’t see you for a week? That’s a long time…” and such, and he replies the same when I say so. I guess I still prefer to be the one who says all that more, maybe it’s not entirely a Swedish thing since my Aussie ex was like that too.

It’s his little gestures that warms my heart, but these can be so small and subtle that they can go unseen. For example, in our second date, we were putting on our coats and ready to leave his apartment and we kissed again (couldn’t stop myself once we started! lol). I was holding my bags with my arm, but they slowly slipped from my arm. When we broke from our kiss, he had actually caught the bag that slipped and handed it to me. Thinking back, I think it’s way sweeter than the movies when bags drop to the floor, cos he would be there to catch it. :) I didn’t realize it then, but I do now!

That’s Swedish for you, (my) Northern Swede at least.

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L

November 3rd, 2011 at 04:57

Bah, I just finished reading the original post, and now I’m understanding the Swedish exchange students in Canada much better! I knew I should have asked him for his number…

One thing I am wondering about though, is the “no eye flirting”. Does that mean they don’t do any winking or such, or that it just doesn’t mean anything to them? This one Swedish boy did deliver a huge wink in my direction at the bar, now I’m just confused.

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L

November 7th, 2011 at 05:45

Hmm..reading other posts on here, I’m thinking I should elaborate a bit ;) Hopefully someone is reading haha!

I met a huge group of Swedes that are on exchange in my city a couple of times. The most recent time was on a Halloween pubcrawl, where I dressed up as a tourist and actually wore the “I <3 Swedish boys" shirt I bought in Stockholm this summer. It got me noticed by some of the guys, but the one I talked to the most actually didn't notice the shirt until I pointed it out to him. We ended up sitting together on the bus between bars and talking for a long time about school and life, I told him I was going to Swedish House Mafia in London in the summer and he said he was going too. Then when I told him I'd been to Sweden the summer before he told me I should visit again after the show. We really hit it off, I love Swedish culture and hockey so I was showing him these signs I had done up for a hockey game on my phone and he got all excited because my background is two Swedish hockey players, haha :P

Anyway, I added him on Facebook after by finding his name on the pubcrawl event we'd both attended. Waited a week, decided to message him. He answered almost immediately (and for the record, he included another winky face in his reply!) but I didn't notice because it wasn't sent to my phone – so I only answered him again a half hour later. He hasn't answered all weekend, which is understandable because not everyone goes on FB everyday, but it's frustrating waiting. I just want to ask him out!

The thing is he was also hanging out with other girls the night of the pubcrawl…so I can't tell if he's interested. We did have really nice chats that night though. He told me his exchange is over in a month and a half and so I want to show him some typical Canadian things before he leaves. I would ask for his number since texting would be way easier, but I'm not even sure he uses his phone here as I didn't see him on it once on Halloween.

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Goldy

November 13th, 2011 at 21:31

Having loved and dated only one Swedish man, it would be overstating things to conclude that Swedish men are the best. But I can say that after nearly two years with my Svenska boyfriend, he is by far the nicest, most considerate, perfectly attentive in terms of frequency of emails, sexiest, and overall most wonderful man I’ve ever had the pleasure of loving. I am familiar with the often touted differences between American men versus Swedish men and am happy to trade in the American arrogance for the Swedish stoicism. Also, despite being an American who lived in the “traditional” south most of my life (and who now lives in the slightly less traditional Midwest), I never liked the American custom of the man paying on the first date or the rules that I should not plan a date or send the first email. So dating a Swedish man has been perfect for me in part because of my need for independence, my reserved personality, and the importance I place on gender equality and self-sufficiency.

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astre

November 28th, 2011 at 10:06

i split with that last Swede, he was scared i would leave him in Sweden and I didn’t agree with his view on monogamy (or the lack of). We’re mismatched, that’s all. Started dating someone else now, also a Northern Swede. I really like how honest, sincere and sweet they are, across all the Swedish guys I know I dun think it matters which part of Sweden they come from. Down to earth, sensitive and respectful. They also generally know how to keep themselves, cook, clean and so on… i find their autonomy wonderful :)
There are “players” among Swedes but when i get to know them better, they’re not that different from other Swedish men. Everyone is looking for the same things, someone to love and be loved in return… maybe the players just need more time to find someone!
I am quite a happy camper now, I’ve found it easier to meet someone compatible here because I don’t have to pick up after, things just get done.

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Chantal

December 29th, 2011 at 01:42

Just a quick update on my swede.

He finally went back to Sweden, and I went visit him there two weeks ago.
I met his parents (don’t know if that meant anything to him), and we hung out everyday then traveled to the north. But I still didn’t say anything to him… I am a coward when it comes to relationship…
Then I found out just today, he has been having sex over the phone with several girls :(
Well, I guess it’s time for me to move on and forget about him…

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lh

December 30th, 2011 at 09:32

Hey Chantal,
Thanks for keeping us updated! I definitely remembered reading your previous post.

I’m sorry to hear about the phone sex, but hey at least you got to visit Sveeeden!

But, really, hmmm maybe you could just shoot him an email explaining how you feel, and then the ball will be on his court. Maybe if he’s really shy this will give him the opportunity to be frank and open up. Plus, what’s there to lose? the worst thing that could happen is that you just stop talking to him (as it seems you might have made up your mind to do already).
anyway, just a thought!

LH

Ps. this might be probs very different, but I once had this platonic “friendship” with a Dutch guy, and, long story short, I sent him an email about my feelings (in this case explaining why I had acted a certain way), and his response actually surprised me, so you never now!

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lh

December 30th, 2011 at 09:33

know* oopsie!

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Björn

January 2nd, 2012 at 06:14

Swedish guys are no better or worse than other guys when it comes to relationships. I do hear people from other countries tell stores that men dont help out with house chores like taking out trash of doing the dishes, which I personally feel might be lies. I mean rofl who wouldt want a nice home lol just doest make any sense. I do find it hard to beleive it is really that bad. I know some guys are lazy bastards but well as a woman you can always let the sleep on the couch untill they learn ;)

Anyway, swedish guys should be treated with exactly every other logical rule there is. Deny the bastard sex untill he has proven he is actually serious about a relationship, I mean if he really wants you that should not be too hard for him right. Just set the requirement for him straight up and if he bitches and whines well then he is obviously not worth your time.

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lh

January 2nd, 2012 at 10:04

@bjorn

amen!

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Chantal

January 5th, 2012 at 21:08

LH,

Happy 2012!
Thank you for the advise.

I am pretty sure he knows how I feel about him. (he is a very smart guy) I guess he just doesn’t feel the same about me, also he has been single for 8 years… which is a sign that he is not into relationship or wants to be tied down. (He acts like he is only 18 yo sometimes) sigh… :(
I am just going to be his friend now, since we can’t see each other anymore, there is no point to ask him and make it awkward then ruin our friendship… I will accept this as we’re not meant to be.
Maybe a better suited guy will come this year!

Chantal

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ellie

January 12th, 2012 at 20:53

Hey, my question can be sound a little cliché but i guess i’ve really been obsessed with that :D i had brown hair but i made it “blondish brown”. Plus, i have white skin and brown eyes. Im really interested in scandinavian culture and i know that swedish guys like brown hair and brown eyes. I’d really like to date one of them. But now im afraid that i can be seemed so ordinary or boring for them. Im not sure what to do, should i make it brown again.
and if anyone who wants to discuss scandinavian culture and guys with me please write your facebook profiles and i’ll connect you

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Christina

January 17th, 2012 at 11:21

Hi, I also have a question about Swedish guys, I met one, and after couple of months we had sex. Now I am wondering who should make the first move to text each other? Since in my home country its always guys who do so..

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Sapphire

January 17th, 2012 at 11:28

@Christina – Was this an one night stand thing or something more? I don’t know the details of your story from this basic information, it sounds like a one night stand.

If you really do want to see him again, then you should make the first move. Just saying “hi, how are you? last time was fun…blah blah” is a way to get the ball rolling.

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ewashington7000

February 9th, 2012 at 08:37

Now, admittedly, I may very well be posting this in the wrong forum. But I seem to be embroiled in a rather interesting quagmire, of which I am desperate to find some understanding.

So, perhaps there is someone here who is willIng to help disentangle me from my ignorance, clarifying some things for me along the way.

Recently, I have met a rather beautiful Swedish lady, even one that is currently taking acting classes with me. For some mysteriously intuitive reason, I have found myself “deeply” attracted to this woman; and one can imagine my surprise when I have learned that she has felt the same about me, despite the fact that we haven’t officially or unofficially spoken to each other at this juncture yet.

As time has elapsed, we seem to have develop an unspoken understanding between each other, eventually becoming scene partners. As we have begun to discuss scenes to work on together, I have started to share some personal things about myself with her, merely to break the ice; and naturally, she seems to have followed suit, revealing some deeply personal things to me as well.

From this moment onward, a genuine friendship between she and I has developed, even one which possesses a deep mutual respect for one another intellectually, emtionally, spiritually and artistically. In fact, we pretty much share the same egalitarian ideas as each other about essentially everything that she and I have discussed so far.

(Now, as an American, even one who has been LONGING to meet a woman like this, it is expedient to mention that I have never encountered a woman like this before, even a lady who understands me, personally, on so many levels; and I will be remiss if I fail to mention that she has both felt and told me the same things about me respectively, noting that she has never opened up to anyone – male or female – like this before.)

Now, naturally, a MUTUAL romantic attraction has begun to develop between she and I, especially considering that we are already attracted to one another on so many levels, including physically.

So, I have decided to inquire into whether she has a boyfriend or lover; and she has been quick to reassure me that she has neither. However, she does mention that about 3 months ago, she has met a guy back home in Sweden who she has been talking to, with whom she has met only 6 times. Also, she states that they write like once a week. She has been in America for 6 weeks now.

So, naturally, I delve deeper into the significance of this person, merely out of sincere respect for the all boundaries of the parties invloved. As a result, she has mentioned that she does NOT love him but that she has been physical (?) or sexual (?) with him, and that she doesn’t know where she stands with him.

In spending time with her, I eventually end up simply kissing her, an act which, according to her, she has enjoyed very much; however, the next day afterwards, she has texted me that she has only wanted to be friends!!!

Astonished, I have responded to her that it has ALWAYS been my understanding that she and I have been just “friends.” (Am I missing something here?)

Apparentlty, she feels as though that “kissing me” has been the closest that she has ever been to “cheating” on a guy, even though she is neither in any official nor unofficial relationship (according to her own words).

So, she says that after kissing me, she has felt badly; and that although she is still very much attracted to me, especially romantically, and although she enjoys my company, that she has “decided” that she is no longer going to “act on her” romantic feelings towards me. In short, she has literally told me that I am “confusing” her, and that it is “impossible” for her to have “ronantic” feelings for two different men.

Now, as an American, this is SUPER perplexing to me. That is, here is a situation where apparently she’s been talking to or “dating” some guy, even a guy whom she views to be “shy” but “there for here.” (I suspect that this guy drinks alcohol or an alcoholic as well – not that either of any significant importance necessairily. But She seems to frequently question whether I drink alcohol recreationally, even though she knows I do not.) Also, notably, she has shared NONE of these personal stories about herself, including her fears, with this same guy.

Nevertheless, I begin to respectfully distance myself from her. However, distancing myself respectfully from her has only drawn her closer to me!

In fact, we seem to be even closer now, hanging out or chatting more so!

As it stands, it seems as though she has “decided” to try to work things with this fellow in Sweden, even though she is uncertain of their realtionship.

Now, in all humility, I am a very confident, vulnerable individual, even one who practices honest self-critique and who welcomes scruitny. So, I like to think that I have at least a little insight into the human condition.

But I am thoroughly perplexed by this beautiful Swedish Lady, even this woman has honestly admitted to “falling for me” but seems to be hesitant about pursing anything with me merely because she feels as though she is being personally “unfaithful,” even to a guy with whom she has no committment to. Go figure.

Now I get “lagom” and “jantelagen.”

But I am utterly confused/nonplused. : (

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lh

February 9th, 2012 at 22:11

ewashington your writing is too verbose..sigh

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ewashington7000

February 10th, 2012 at 05:35

@ Ih

Please forgive me for being (convesationally) obtuse in my wordiness; but sometimes I think that it is better for one to be verbosely clear than to be pithily unclear.

I guess it may be a matter of substance over personal style.

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Heidar

February 10th, 2012 at 11:10

@ewashington7000

Obviously, I cannot give a 100% accurate answer to your queries – given that I do not have all the relevant information – but based on the information you’ve given, here is my interpretation:

The woman was, for a time, uncertain about whether to pursue things romantically with you, or to continue things with the man she had been seeing in Sweden. Some time after you kissed her, she most likely had contact with the man in Sweden and, after discussing things with him (whether or not she mentioned the kiss), she decided he might be worth “going for”, so to speak. Being an essentially monogamous person, she thus decided to make it clear to you that she wants to remain as friends only (having interpreted the kiss romantically, for obvious reasons), so as to avoid hurting you in the future.

Now that she has made clear her decision to refrain from romantic involvement with you, she feels she can “relax” around you, thus explaining the newfound closeness between you two; essentially, because she has made clear her non-romantic intentions to you, and you have graciously accepted her decision, she has labeled you as “safe” or “non-threatening” on a romantic level. In other words, she can hang out with you without the “fear” of things turning romantic, thus paradoxically allowing her to relax and be more open and forthcoming than before.

To summarize: for good or for ill, in her mind you have been labelled a friend – nothing more, nothing less – which in practical terms means she feels she can now talk to you about most if not all things as a close, personal confidant with no risk of things turning emotionally sour, because both parties are now aware that any and all possible romantic involvement has been indefinitely postponed.

At the same time, however, it is quite possible that she considers you a romantic “backup” in case things turn sour between her and the man in Sweden; I do not know the woman in question, so I cannot say whether it is applicable in this particular case, however the “tactic” of stringing along a man as a “backup” after making overt romantic advances and then telling him she has no active romantic interest in him is unfortunately rather common among Swedish women, and primarily stems from low self-esteem and/or feelings of insecurity, which in turn stem from the high expectations that Swedish society (or rather, high-profile Swedish feminism) puts on women: that every woman should be 100% self-sufficient both personally and professionally, not require a man’s help for anything, and above all else not show vulnerability before a man. The sad reality is that these expectations run counter to the natural desire to express oneself emotionally (and thus making oneself vulnerable) before someone you are romantically interested in, which has the side-effect of causing many Swedish women a great amount of self-esteem and insecurity issues. As a result, many Swedish women have adopted the aforementioned “stringing along”/”backup” tactic while bouncing back and forth between men they find themselves romantically and/or physically attracted to, stuck between the desire to be vulnerable and experience emotional closeness to a man, and society’s (i.e.: feminism’s) demands that they remain independent and self-sufficient, and unbeholden to any man.

While my reply has, by necessity, been rather vague, I hope it has gone some way in helping you come to grips with your situation.

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ewashington7000

February 11th, 2012 at 12:40

@ Heidar

Thank-you for wading through my verbosity. : ) I feel obligated to better clarify this scenario to you; so, perhaps further information on this topic will help elucidate this matter.

I have met this woman literally a month ago today; and it has only been about two weeks ago that we have kissed. Prior to this, we have just been scene partners who have obviously respected and like one another. Now she and I are currently attending acting classes in Los Angeles, Ca, USA.

Previous to our initial meeting, even three months ago, this Swedish Lady has met this Swedish guy back home in Sweden. They have begun to talk to one another back then, even before she has moved to the US.

After she has left Sweden, she has bern unsure as to where they have both stood in terms of their relationship. That is, neither of them have “committed to one another.” So, she has felt a little confused. (She has recently revealed to me that she thinks this guy can potentially be “the man of her dreams,” especially because according to her, he reminds her of her “childhood lover of 5 years.)

So, it has been under these same conditions that I have met her. Subsequently, she has explained to me that she is not in love with this guy but that she feels like this guy has “half” of her heart. She’s told me that she’s felt like he has been there for at a times we she has needed.

Now even before we have kissed, we have grown very close VERY fast. In fact, this same closeness, in part, is that which has lead up to us kissing. So she, even according to her own words, has felt “safe” around me, ever since she has met me.

After she has made the “decision” to “not act on her romantic feelings towards me,” an unnatural awkwardness has ensued between us for while. (She said that because she could see us getting together so fast, she got scared. She was already thinking in terms of “romantic” relationships in other words. I was just trying to get to know her better as a friend.)

(As an observation, I have noted carefully that what she has told me regarding this fellow. Also, She mentions how the men in Sweden are “shy” and how she desires a confident man. Apparently, this guy with whom she in a relationship is speaking to is shy.)

Now, while getting to know her, she has opened up to me deeply and frankly, revealing to me stuff she hasn’t told this guy. She even bluntly mentions her sexual and/or physical attraction to me, even up to this moment.

But her BIGGEST thing is that it is “IMPOSSIBLE” (lol) for her to “feel for” or “love two” men. So, as I gather, even though she has not “officially” been involved with this man, she feels “committed” to him, even though he has NOT expressed the same “committment “to her. (But if she has NEVER viewe me “romantically,” why would she consider kissing me, let alone actually doing it? Why would she even go to great lenghts to tell me that “I am confusing her,” since it’s “IMPOSSIBLE” for her to be involved with more than two men simulataneously? Does she make such considerations with ALL of her male friends? The mere fact the she has even considered me in such a manner demonstrates that is not true that she has not viewed me romantically.)

It is expedient to mention that since day one, even up to now, I have always suggested that she ought to try to figure out this situation with this fellow for her own sake; and, as of right now, this is the “decision” that she has made, especially because she he has decided so. :-)

But experience, has taught me that actions speak louder than words. So, I have learned to pay attention to that which one “says” and that which one “does.” Thus, she has “said” that she never viewed me “romantically,” but her “actions/behaviors” have definitely screamed otherwise. (And I’m not even referring to our little “kiss.” That is, she has explained to me that even me merely sharing my honest feelings with her or even me admiring her beauty is considered “romantic” to her in light of her understanding of Swedish customs, since, apparently, such honest expression is not found common or prevalent among Swedish men.)

So, in light of this, independent from ever kissing her, it seems to be the case that our relations have always had a “romantic character” that is associated to it, at least behaviorally.

But this title of “romantic” or “nom-romantic” is just that – a title.

Does one honestly expect that somehow “titling” another person as a “non-romantic friend” removes how one actually feels or behaves for this same person?

But you have exactly touched on something that I have noticed – namely, the self-esteem/insecurity issue:

“The sad reality is that these expectations run counter to the natural desire to express oneself emotionally (and thus making oneself vulnerable) before someone you are romantically interested in, which has the side-effect of causing many Swedish women a great amount of self-esteem and insecurity issues.”

Indeed, She comes from a very abusive upbringing. One of her older siblings has been extremely abusive to her, she is very manipulative of her to this day. Ironically, she has had to care for her own family for a LONG time, including her manipulative sister. So, It has been under these conditions that she has met this guy.

Now since she’s been in this US, she has felt latgely liberated, freed from that type of abuse from her sister and freed to pursue her dreams. (And actually, she says that she feels like she is more like a “weird” person back in Sweden; so this makes for something interesting.) So, it has been under these conditions that she has met myself.

Despite her apparent “shyness,” she seems to be rather “bold,” almost as though she is searching for that.

Indeed, I notice an emotional tug-of-war going on within her.

Point:

Althought tempted to cut off my ties now, even to protect myself, I feel strongly that I ought to be patient and to take a step back, that she may figure things out for herself.

An insight for me here, nevertheless, in my opinion, is that whereas we Americans often tend to believe in “courtship” first and THEN committment after careful evaluation (of which I subscribe to), apparently, she is accustomed to “committing” first and THEN “courtship,” including careful examination, afterwards to see whether things work out.

So, I’m trying judge/vet this situation accordingly; and I am beyond perplexed.

Tack

Please Pardon my typose. I write from my cell phone.

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Heidar

February 11th, 2012 at 18:59

I don’t mind your verbosity at all; it is quite a nice change of pace to find someone able to be verbose when required :)

From your clarifications, it appears to me that she is torn between how she feels she “should” act and what her emotions tell her. She appears to feel obligated toward the man in Sweden due to whatever has happened between them in the past, yet at the same time she has developed feelings for you, and meanwhile her sense of “right and wrong” (i.e. her views on monogamy and romance, whether they are due to her own morals or have been thrust upon her by others growing up) prevents her from acting on her emotions.

In other words, she feels romantically attracted to you, and would like to act on those feelings, however at the same time she believes she has obligations to the man in Sweden, and her morals won’t allow her to put her desires before her obligations.

As you have observed, there is a marked contrast between her words and her actions; most likely, she would wish herself able to simply turn her emotions on or off with the flick of a switch (as she attempted to do when deciding that there was to be nothing romantic between the two of you, despite the kiss and everything else), however she finds herself unable to do so, which causes her a lot of consternation and self-doubt. This is particularly evident in how she says that it is “Impossible” for her to “feel for/love two men simultaneously”; the truth of the matter is her sense of morals and/or ingrained ethics tell her that she *shouldn’t* be able to love two men at once, however her emotions betray her, which leads to self-doubt and in turn her seemingly irrational attempts at “turning off”, or denying, her attraction to you.

So my advice to you is to take a step back and let her work out her “obligations” first. In the worst case scenario, she will decide that the man in Sweden is indeed her “one true love” (or whatever) and you will part as friends. In the best case scenario, she will decide that her feelings for you outweigh whatever obligations she may have toward the man in Sweden, and she will sever (or attempt to sever, depending on her emotional anchorage) romantic ties with him.

Either way, it would probably be a bad idea to try and push things forward before she has had a chance to work out her own feelings.

So as long as it does not cause you too great emotional stress, simply settle in and wait.

As an aside, in Sweden the social culture does indeed differ quite a bit from many other countries’ social culture. In particular, it is often believed that a relationship must be either 100% serious (i.e., complete commitment from beginning to end) OR 100% non-serious (i.e. “fuck buddies”. one night stands, just friends, etc), with no room for anything in between. This, in turn, has created a very nonsensical (in my opinion, anyway) dating culture, in which women will evaluate a man based on a handful of criteria, decide on these criteria which category he is “allowed” to belong in, and then out of pride not allow any fluidity between categories whatsoever (thus the “committing first, and THEN courtship” you mentioned), even if it later turns out the man fits much more neatly in the other category; if this is the case, rather than allow the romantic partner to become a friend, or the friend to become a romantic partner, she will either unhealthily cling to the previousy decided category (more than one abusive and/or unhappy relationship is born from this) or terminate any and all future interaction with the man.

Naturally, this further serves to create a very “strict” view on relationships and dating, which is partially to blame for the high consumption of alcohol in Sweden (for other reasons, check out my reply in the “The new questions on Swedish dating” thread).

Hope that helps!

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ewashington7000

February 12th, 2012 at 12:24

@ Heidar

I am sorely amazed by your level of insight regarding these matters; because, intuitively, not only do I understand that your comments are apropos, but that, intllectually, I have come to understand their truthfulness as well, even through my own invesitigation, of which our exchange is.

Tack.

Interstingly, she and I have had a natural, nice conversation yesterday, whereby she has confirmed the very things that both you and I have been suspecting regarding her sense of “committment” and romantic feeling towards me, even with further detail.

That is, plainly, she had literally told me that if she hadn’t felt “committed” to this individual, then she wouldn’t had been putting such a defense mechanism against me; and that she would’ve had no problem with “acting on” her romantic attraction for me.

She added that, otherwise, she actually agreed with everything that I had been reasoning or saying, which nearly caused me to swoon or pass out.

She felt, however, that by me suggesting that the “kiss” that she and I shared seemed to have frightened or scared her (given her visceral reaction to it almost a day after following serious thought), that I somehow meant that the only reason why she was dealing with this Swedish man was due solely to “practicality” or her being afraid or scared to pursue me.

In other words, as I undestood, she took my comment on her reaction to mean that I felt or believed that she was somehow afraid of pursuing me, prompting her to believe that I didn’t give her “credit” for being wise, mature, strong etc. (probably as a woman).

At first, I was confused as to why she immediately interpreted my comment in such a light; but then I considered her experieces, upbringing etc., and it became crystal clear to me.

Ultimately, as I have mentioned before, and as you kindly reminded me, I have, and will continue to, take a step back, and allow her “to see or figure out for herself” whatever it is that she truly desires or needs to figure out.

Duly noted, this apparently Swedish notion of “commitment” via “dating,” from my myopic/parochial Americanized perspective, seems rather extreme.

Interestingly, she had mentioned that she had tried to “date” multiple men before in Sweden but that she didn’t have any emotional attachment whatsoever to them. This felt awkward to her.

But it meeting me, it became confusing to her, because now she was romantically attracted to more than one man (even one within a considerably less time frame).

So, I think that you have hit the nail DIRECTLY on its head in mentioning that she seems to be struggling with her own ethicality and emotionacality for me.

Curiously, the way she seems to discuss thid situation seems to be so “heady” and Black-or-White, of which she has accused me other due to disposition analyze certain things in such a light.

It’s as though her emotions/feelings arr playing catch up to her intellect.

Thanks for the shrewed advise.

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Heidar

February 12th, 2012 at 19:38

Varsågod :)

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ewashington7000

February 12th, 2012 at 20:14

Did I just say “emotionacality” ? Lol I have meant “emotionality” smh

These typos are ever present in my post.

IPhones seem to have a mind of their own.

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Johan

February 21st, 2012 at 10:15

Hi there im a Swedis male (28) and im also one of thoose who stumbled upon this site , but then i started reading and i might bring some light to the text messaging situation , As swedish men are quite shy in the beggining its easier to ask stuff without having to expose urself to much . And i also think its a generation thing though kids here all have there phones switched on in class but having sound on mute and from there we have just turned into a texting nation . Another thing is that if you text someone you can ask things in a longer period of time with brakes inbetween so you get the time to think about what you really are asking,saying,writing instead of calling someone just to find out at the end of the call that you wanted to ask this and that aswell and i cant really be calling a girl all day long with small questions and awkward silence moments. And another thing is wich generation swede ur dating i think. Older swedes have a more you woman me man attitude than lets say swedes from the 80`sand up i think . hope this was to some use for you yanks ;)

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Johan

February 21st, 2012 at 10:36

And i read something up here about meeting people in church in sweden …. Outwards we might seem like a religious country but we really aint! we have to be signed in to the swedish church from birth and everyone keeps in cuz of some nice benefits, and there isnt really any instructions rolling around on how to go out of the churc, Swedes believe in facts and science dont see any room for religion and stories there SO swedish church maby not the best place to meet people , but is just what i think

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Tobias

March 5th, 2012 at 12:18

I *knew* that randomly loafing around the internet this morning would be a good idea!

I suspect that having read through the exchange between ‘ewashington7000′ and ‘Heidar’ has permanently raised my IQ by 3 points. Such eloquence! Bloody well written, good sirs!

Actually, the whole comment thread, and the one for Dating in Sweden, completely captivated me. I had a coffee at it’s start, and I procure another now. I’m not in the habit of making comments (or reading blogs), but felt that at least a modest acknowledgement of this thread would be in place, having lurked it all. So, eh… thanks?

My coat. I shall get it.

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Sapphire

March 5th, 2012 at 18:38

Hey Tobias! Well thank you for stopping by, having a couple cups of coffee and commenting :)

Do continue lurking on the site!

/S

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Rayale

March 7th, 2012 at 06:00

I would love to meet a Swedish man but I have two huge problems:

One: I live in NYC and have no idea on how to find them
Two: I am a half Guyanese(Carribean) and Native American (Sioux) girl with fairly brown skin an I have no idea what these mean are into =(

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Heidar

March 7th, 2012 at 22:37

@ Rayale

Well, I can’t speak for ALL Swedish men, but I can tell you that “exotic” women (as you seem to be, given your heritage) are highly popular in Sweden, overall. Well, discounting the racists, of course.

The NYC thing might be a bit more of a problem, though; Swedish men do not travel abroad nearly as much as the Swedish women, and the ones that do are often (but certainly not always!) of the more…let’s be nice and say “frivolous” variety.

If you do not intend to trust to luck alone, your best bet would probably be to search the Swedes out for yourself, whether online or by travelling to Sweden.

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Rayale

March 8th, 2012 at 09:47

Hmmmm. Thank you for advice. I did realize most of what you are saying. But my next question is: Where do I find them online? I can’t really just pack up and go to Sweden since I am a 19 year old college student. =( It would seem that I am out of luck and must settle for an American man. *sigh* because I do not want a *frivolous* Swede. Alas! The battle is lost.

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Tobias

March 8th, 2012 at 13:51

Rayale:

A battle lost? Surely ’tis only the first scuffle of an epic love story! Yes, I see it now. The big city girl escaping the stress for the golden fields admidst the rolling hills, over which she dances under a blue sky; pausing, ever briefly, to drink from a clear stream as the sun touches her lips – smiling, as she thinks of her tall, muscular man cleaning the house and having dinner ready.
Might be my longest sentense ever. Also my most nonsensical one!

And it’s closer then you think: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweden,_New_York
I am so funny :D

Actually, these restaurants might be frequented by the occasional (hopefully non-frivolous) Swede living in New York:
http://www.aquavit.org/restaurant/newyork/index.asp
http://www.smorgas.com/

If Swedish men actually knew that there existed American girls with a taste in them, they might have visited the place more often :)

As for places online… Pretty much all places where Swedes gather online, they speak… Swedish :-/ There might be international dating sites where you can do searches on specific nationalities? And, well, some of us apperently are reading bloggs such as these.

I agree with Herr Heidar on the looks thingy. We see people of non-scandinavian or mixed descent daily (and we’re not all tall and blond), and Native American, being rarer than most, might certainly land you some exotic points :-) Often I’m not sure where people are from… and I don’t really care. All people, yeah? :-)

End point: I’m not sure what your veiws are on matters such as sex and relationships, but why stress it? :-) You are young, and your future is open. And us Swedes might dissapoint you if you hold us in too high regard ;) Good luck, anyhow!

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Sapphire

March 8th, 2012 at 16:53

@Rayale – There is the Swedish Church of NYC. I know there are *a lot* of Swedes in NYC because they go there on 3 month assignments. Most are men and older (28-40).

As a 19 year old college student, I would suggest to go to your university’s international club meetings. You’re a bit too young to decide on what kind of man to settle for just yet.

And look into the exchange at your college. Perhaps you can study in Norway or Sweden for a year.

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Rayale

March 10th, 2012 at 23:44

I have an update you guys!!!!! I think I may have met the Swede of my dreams!!!!!! :D He is 6’5,blonde,blue eyed and a sweetheart!!!!!!!!!!! He thinks I am beautiful and loves the fact that I am 5’4 :0 Lol We are going to make a friendship but he is so beautiful it is going to be hard for me to ONLY be his friend right now but I will do it!!! I can’t believe it happened so quickly after posting here. This forum has got to be good luck!!!!

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Estelliane

March 11th, 2012 at 01:58

Congrats Rayale! :-)

I am 5’2 and it has never been a problem for tall men to be attracted to me :-) I sometimes wonder if looking Asian might be a problem in Sweden…

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lh

March 11th, 2012 at 06:32

now where can I find a gorgeous Christian swede, future “latte pappor,” in San Franciscoooooooo? :'(
SADNESSSSSSSS

But, I’m so happy for you, Rayale :)

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Heidar

March 11th, 2012 at 09:40

@Estelliane

Generally speaking, looking Asian is not at all a problem for women in Sweden (well, on the social/romantic level, anyway; sadly, there is a lot of “smygrasism” (lit. “stealthy/hidden racism”) on the job market, so finding a job might be a tad difficult in some places; yes, it does vary a lot from place to place). However, because of the stereotype that Asian women are more subservient than other women, many Swedish men are afraid to interact with them, for fear of appearing chauvinistic (and thus politically incorrect when it comes to feminism, which in Sweden can lead to a lot of trouble…if you’re a man; if you’re a woman you’re “only” pitied and considered “unenlightened”) and/or otherwise offending the women in question due to cultural misunderstandings.

So basically, as long as you take the first (and perhaps second and third) step, you’ll be fine :P

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Tobias

March 11th, 2012 at 16:37

Way to go, Rayale :D

Estelliane:

Essentially what Heidar said :-) There can also be a few culturally arrogant people around, whom while slightly looking down on say the Americas (especially the northern continent, Mexico excluded), puts Asians in a high regard, equal to Europeans, due to their percieved rich culture and history. Likely rather rare though. Also, Asians are quite common, weather adopted or immigrants, though it can vary somewhat from place to place. Värnamo, for example, have quite alot of immigrant Vietnamese while in Karlstad I’ve met none from that particular country. If it’s anything I miss from Värnamo, it’s taking a fika and spying on beautyful Vietnamese women and, to some extent, men.

I’m taking a guess here, but I’d say a majority of the people of northern descent living in urban areas have known or do know at least one person of Asian descent. As for looks, I have never met a man who don’t think Asian women looks good. It’s probably worse for the Asian men, risking to be considered “cute” but not “manly attractive”. Also, expect at least one well-meaning yet humour-deprived person to ask if you know Taekwondo (should you actually happen to do, it’s permitted to kick the offender). Anyhow, once people get to know you somewhat, most of them should probably consider you European more than anything. And as time passes, increasingly Swedish. Or they don’t give a fuck and take you for who you are. That’s my favourite type of person.

Ih:

For some reason, likely lazyness, they don’t have a proper English website. Google translate gives you this, though: http://translate.google.com/translate?sl=sv&tl=en&js=n&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&u=svenskakyrkan.se%2Fsanfrancisco
Swedish church in San Francisco. I’d start stalking there ;-) Should the link not work, just google ‘Svenska kyrkan san francisco’ and translate it yourself :-)

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Rayale

March 11th, 2012 at 18:50

Thankyou Guys an I have Another Update! Oh man! It seems that we have stumbled into the Stereotypical Swedish man wall. ANd so quickly! He has become very shy an distant. Even after knowing this was probably going to happen i am still pissed off! This blog is so accurate but I have no patience.

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Alba Rose

March 14th, 2012 at 17:35

I’m a 22 year old Spanish, Chinese, German girl who’s met a few Swedish guys in London but would like to know where they mainly hang out?

Swedish men are irresistible!

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ChiOh

March 17th, 2012 at 15:22

Hello as i’ve read more than US have/want something with a Swdish guy. Well….I’m not the exception. I meet this man in dates a site almost a year ago, at first I wasn’t very interested in him (as well you describe them: dry, cold and hard to understand : S) but after seeing us in cam to cam, he insisted on seeing me ( i dont like to one guy see me if Im not “fixed” but always he insisted on seeing me, know so natural…One day he said he want to see me how i was looking when we woke up together “shy? he does not know that word, at least via msn or skype by the way he speak pretty well spanish) then he begin to send me text messages and they escalated … So this guy tells me he want we meet in Paris this year and spend a couple of days together and see how it goes (haha not wrong in all that you said about the first he wants something and then..we shall see) all the times he tell me nice things but I have many doubts… One day WHEN I ASK HIM TO TEACH ME SOME SWEDISH HE KINDLY RESPONDED ME THAT HE WILL BUT WHEN WE GOT MARRIED (SERIOUSLY, EXACTLY WHAT MEANS THAT?) probably hi IS taking advantage of me and just want sex (deliberately I also want but not only that, you know what i mean?) somehow he has gotten one place into my heart and we have enough desire and illusion of knowing each other, He offered to pay half of my expenses because I’m much further (I’m Mexican) do not know whether if He is honest.
I’m a cute white skin and dark brown hair with brown eyes, but a little overweight and with a lot of curves…We have seen each other and he knows how I look and even so.. He I said he loved it which is wonderful to see me and desires me (i know i know this sucks but how much of this I can believe?) He says he’s a lawyer, I’m a doctor…I always ask him why so serious? and says it is his neutral face hahah I like to laugh, but right now we had lost contact because my work, now we only go on weekends but during the week leaves me msgs or sends me emoticons with kisses, hugs and flowers (already haha ??¬ ¬ ‘) he wake up super early in the morning before getting to work and I stay up till late to spend time together, you know that time zones… He concerns about me?He worth the effort Or just? …
Can someone explain and help me please? (sorry for my english i just speak a little bit :) Greets!!!

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anita

March 26th, 2012 at 18:26

@apocalypse nowish i’m a woman myself and I definitely agree with you when it comes to mens needs and desires and i really think that the ladies here should listen carefully to what you said i speak out of experience eventually you will realize how correct apocalypse is

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Rosie

April 11th, 2012 at 08:58

I’m tears laughing while scrolling down and reading what all you guys have been posting! I’m struggling with a swede, and he’s just SO fit i feel like im 12 year old, googling his name and all that haha.. so decided to google more stuff about the scandinavian mentality and wow.. u guys make me think its hopeless.. so if I got it right, I have to forget about my pride and follow the scandinavian rules? -.-

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Sapphire

April 11th, 2012 at 21:37

@Rosie – Not swallow your pride, think of dating from a different angle. If you’re a Southern girl, for example, dating a Swede will be a shock and irritate you. But keep an open mind.

Yea, the googling thing is such a must, hehehe!

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Rosie

April 12th, 2012 at 10:18

@Sapphire –
you see i’m not the person to expect all lovey dovey stuff but just want to be well treated you know.. but swedish guys must be the weirdest ever ! :D Feeling so strange posting in such a blog btw , never done it before.. Okay, but there’s this one thing bothering me A LOT, I know he likes me, we got off and we spoke after as well but there’s just no way on earth i can figure out by his behaviour if he likes me to go out again or it was just for one time and i really don’t wanna be pushy and keep on speaking to him..confusing nation them swedish.. :D

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lh

April 15th, 2012 at 06:14

Rosie,

That’s not just the Swedes–guys in general are confusing.
:P

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lh

April 15th, 2012 at 06:15

ps. I think that if a guy is *reeeeally* interested in a girl, even if shy, he’ll make an effort to contact her.

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Deepsoul

April 15th, 2012 at 13:12

Woohooo Rayale!! Rock your Lakota self, girl! ;) My heritage is mixed as well. On my dad’s side, Muscogee (Creek). I am also often attracted to European men as well. Perhaps it is because they actually like to go out and do things, thus not becoming neanderthals and glued to the television, screaming at it, while I could be trapped under a car…ready to explode! :O Also, they know why they have feet, and how to use them. It seems that Europeans don’t mind walking! I know it is difficult for some Americans, as we would drive less than half a mile to the nearest convenience store to get eggs. (Well, I would if I was baking cookies, because cookies don’t bake themselves, and I like cookies.) However, I love nature trails and walking around the beach and parks, and large cities. American men I dated in the past just seemed to bore the hell out of me and could not even begin to appreciate literature. I think when I took one to a bookstore, he immediately went to the magazine section, most likely putting a hex on me, with daggers in his eyes. I know that men, essentially are men, but why do American men bore me? I don’t know. Perhaps different interests?

P.S. Ladies, I don’t know which dimension he has gone off to in Scandinavia, but Bjorn is a really nice guy. He sometimes comes on here, every once in awhile. He will give you good advice. Ask him about his culinary skills lol. Not that he is a walking, Magic 8 ball, but he probably is!It seems there are a few more Swedes on here now, helping answer questions. Thanks for the info guys. It seems like many women on here have turned Swedish men into aliens, Maybe they are aliens. I don’t know. However, apparently aliens intrigue lots of women it seems. Except Bjorn. Bjorn is a zombie and actually likes your brains. ;) Ha en god dag everybody! :D

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Deepsoul

April 15th, 2012 at 13:28

@ewashington7000…okay, so you are a rarity in American men..if you are American. I hope it all goes well with your lady.

@Johan…did you just call us Yanks? LMAO

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Klára

April 22nd, 2012 at 11:57

Hello,
I have been reading through about a half of your stories and opinions and find this blog really cool! I want to share my story too.

I come from central Europe. 1 year ago I went to study to the US for a school year and met a swedish guy there. We had several classes together and I got really interested in him as he had an amazing personality, as all swedish boys. But he was really popular and I was new and shy. So nothing happened. It continued like this for 3 months. We sometimes exchanged look during lessons but that was all.

Now the interesting part will come. At one school party I grasped all my courage when I saw him kissing with another girl, also I was a bit drunk and was psychically getting ready to initiate a conversation with him weeks in advance. So I came to him, took his arm and said: “I need to talk to you”. And started:”come on! she’s ugly! You like me! You look at me during our english classes.” (Don’t judge,. I really don’t know why I said those things and it really isn’t even me being so straight and rude towards other girls..) And he said:”Yes, I know. Do you want to dance?”
And we danced and kissed very passionatelly on the dance floor as a lot of couples at that party.
He wrote me on facebook on the following day: Saying hi hottie asking for my phone number. (I am writing intenionally the name he called me because I will ask you later about it..) And then we started dating. We met only in the evenings. I either came to his appartement or he to mine. Already on the first date we started kissing. It was very weird for me. We spoke and then after ten minutes he said: ” I think we should start” and started kissing me. And we were kissing for incredible 3 hours. Lying at each other. So I though he only wanted sex. But as I had been dreaming about him for so long I decided that I wouldn’t mind that I would have sex with him and that would be it. No more expectations.
But again, after three hours he said he had enough and doesn’t want to push it forward the way too quickly(the same thing he did on the dance floor) I replied that I respect that and was walking through the corridor to take my bag with coat. And then we spoke a little and I told him that I thought he only wanted sex and he replied: No, I am virgin. And then I walked through the corridor to take my coat and as I was walking my back towards him he said: I love you. I only turned my head and said: Now, it really seems you want something. And he said no, I meant..and was really nervous so I am sure he meant it seriously, or at least in this american style of “love you” you are really cool.

This is the most important part of my story. We were meeting for three months, in the evenings, watching movies, kissing and eventually he had his first sex. I got invited to prom.

Afterwards everything screwed up I had to leave all at sudden. So I decided to break up with him as I had already had a long distance relationship with a swedish boy and it didn’t work out. He accepted it and we wrote when I came back home few times in the summer. Again, mostly about sexual things.

Now it is nearly one year, another summer is comming and he wrote me that he would like to see me. After the summer he hasn’t contacted me, the only thing I know for sure is he hasn’t had any girlfriend.

Anyways, now question for you. I am still wondering why did he text me?
( Of course, I didn’t ask. I want to make him feel comfortable to write me whenever he wants and asking would be like reproaching. But how do you feel about him. Take into consideration that he is not typical Swedish, he has some american features which he collected there during several years that he is living there.)

Secondly, he said that he would pay a hotel for my visit. I didn’t take this whole thing seriously but at the end of our conversation he wrote “I am deadly serious”
And I would like to let him know that we split the hotel price. But he hasn’t written to me for one weeks since the last time. Can I write him first? I would definitelly send it into messages not forcing any conversation or should I wait until he writes?
Also he said we could go to club. He was never drunk in front of me. And it seemed to me he wanted just sex so I asked if he would show me his hometown and he replied:Sure, let me check with my friends and familly.

Those are according to me the most important information you should know to discover him.
Does he want me to come? Or is it only sexual object that he sees in me? Why did he write me after so long without anything in between.

I find it so hard to discover his mentality, it is like a big puzzle:D
Have a good day and comment;)

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shoegal

May 4th, 2012 at 15:44

i seriously feel compelled to at least post something. i’ve recently started seeing a Swedish guy (actually has only been a week) and i googled on Swedish “dating rules” since i had never come across one before, now look what i’ve found :)

so, basically uhm, we actually met in a somehow “weird” way, in a club where i was working as a hostess (i quit after my first night, wasn’t really for me but i was so broke though), and we sort of met through a friend’s friend’s friend… and was actually odd cause we somehow managed to carry out a conversation decent enough for him to ask me for my number that night and plan a date . ( we went back to his place, had a very open conversation about relationships and marriage and random things over cups of coffee he made me. and he didn’t try sleep with me. well i didn’t intend to do a 419, but still i mean, we met in China, expats in China tend to act like pigs all the time and i thought all they want is just bedroom fun.) anyways, he asked me out right then and we went out for brunch the day after. and dinner again the day after, and dinner at his place while he cooked the next day. so yea, basically we sort of got together 3 times already in a week. and !! and he didn’t even try to sleep with me…well i sort of get the feeling that he wants to but, it was all nice and cozy and no nothing actually screams ” i want to see you naked right now “. and when i was stupid enough to ask him why, he actually said that we’d date a while and then we’ll do the adult thing. i was really surprised. i mean…he wants more than just a random hook up right?

and seriously i guess maybe individual differences might somehow play a significant role here, but the Swedish guy i’m going out with atm is not so shy at all. i mean i pretty much calls me everyday since the day we met, and sms me everyday and almost like all day, we had this flirtation vibe going on via sms even i sort of get this unhealthy feeling that we need to literally do something to take the edge off. (god i sound like a hoooore)

well…he really appears to be extremely date-able… too charming i feel a bit freaked out in a sense…i mean he’s never dated an asian let along a chinese before ( i am a native shanghai gal). so, considering we are kissing, and seeing each other ofter, and he always takes the initiatives and he even cooked for me and asked me to go meet his friends ( which i didn’t go, a week is too soon, doesn’t feel right), this is not a fling right? i mean i don’t wanna rush him or myself into anything, but what we are doing right now is actually, on the right track right?

ohhh…how i love this blog. just when i needed :)
xx

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Peter

May 25th, 2012 at 21:08

im another one of those swedish guys and a chef.
i love this blogg cause its interesting to read what people has to say about us swedes.
First off i have to admit, we really are the the shy kinda peeps, really.
well not neccesarily shy, but un-talkative. until we go abroad.
also, another thing about us is that those of us who comes from small towns/communities are generally quite timid. ofcourse there’s the fair amount of rotten eggs, but far less than in the cities. so let me kill the myth of screwing first/dating later.
most male friends i have from smaller communities are very different from that. infact, the cuddlefactor is high. admitedly, we do find our girls at parties but screwing only occurs if you go for the least timid guy at the party and those only mostly occur during summer and early autumn. the rest of the year, we’re unavailable or in a relationship. the famous “fika” is sharp on the spot. no doubt. lets just call it a semi-date, first introduction.
as for how to get the interest of the guys, i’d say most of us like an outgoing girl. a determined and slightly dominant woman. so to whomever mentioned ugly girls gettin good lookin men, there’s probably your answer. those girls helped themselves to the guy when he was in a semidrunken state and immediately got him castrated/domesticated. :)
as for myself, when im not actually texting, im yet another one of those 3 words per hour kinda guy and quite timid at that. :P

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Jo K

June 2nd, 2012 at 05:27

Wow – you are spot on with your A to Z guide. I am coming up on my 7th wedding anniversary to my Swede. So we can persuade a few of them to take that walk down the aisle ;) We, in fact got married twice once legal the 2nd regal if you catch my drift. We had a beach wedding in California and a church wedding at the Cathedral in Visby. I did not have a blog as a resource guide or know too many Swedes at a personal level when we were dating. Our courtship was amazing – no games, no gimmicks just a breath of fresh air. He still claims that I kissed him first, there was a lot of wine involved that first meeting so it is still up in the air. We were both doing Master’s Degrees in Australia and fell in love in the most perfect place in the world. My Swede is a Swede, even though during courtship he must have really dug me, and Googled what American women want, because after 8 years together – he did things I have never seen him do since. He took me to movies and dinners all the time and paid! (He hates going to the movies) He bought me diamond earrings when we moved in together after only 4 months of dating. I remember when he bought my engagement ring (he kept talking about how crazy big it was and how expensive and that Swedes do not do this!) All these things became clearer as I learned more and more about my husband and where he comes from. My husband is an amazing man, provider, father, and partner. When I read some of these blogs it reminded me of where we started and how a relationship develops over time. Although, they seem distant,unemotional and sometimes the epitome of the strong silent type – there is usually a large heart underneath that needs to be nurtured. So advice from someone married twice to the same Swede: listen, watch and learn about him. Swedish men are full of depth and character. They have many more layers than your average American man. They are observers, they think before speaking and sometimes it seems uncomfortably long. They are usually pretty soulful once you get them to open up and express themselves. If you reach those levels feel grateful because most likely you are the only person they have shown this side to. Well on that note, I want to go and give my hubbie a big kiss and perhaps a little more :)

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fumanskita

June 11th, 2012 at 17:42

Hi! i’m a peruvian girl living in a shared apartment with some american people and a very cute swedish guy.

The thing is… it’s been two month now and we are becoming very good friends, always watching tv together, hanging out, talking all night about everthing and nothing….

Last weekend all roomies went out to party and the swedish guy flirted with a girl all night. This was the first night i felt jealous so i left the disco alone.

The next day the swedish guy and i went to have dinner together and have some beers (in a non-romantic way). We had dined before but this time we drunk too much beer. So we ended up kissing like mad people. After the kiss he told he was a really bad guy and he didnt want to mess things up with me because i’m a good girl and all that crap.

Well now i’m acting like nothing happened. But i want more things to happen.. :( what should i do?

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confused

June 17th, 2012 at 19:01

This blog is terrific. I am grateful for all comments. It really helps me understand this guy better.

I’m afraid I might be repeating a story but I would really like to ask a few questions and am thankful for any advice.

I live in SE-Asia, men here behave differently than in their home countries (I could fill a blog with that). Having said that, my expectations are rather low but I still haven’t given up.

I met a swedish guy through a mutual friend at a club three weeks ago. He was trying to engage me into conversation non-stop. I liked him and realized how interesting and witty he was. Both of us got tipsy, not drunk and we kissed. He was very sweet and kind, we ended up at his place and he asked me for my number the next morning. He texted in the evening saying it was a pleasure to have met me. Awesome, I thought.

I was happy but not head over heels, having lived here for a while makes you keep your feet on the ground. There are only few guys who are worth dating a second time. We met the next day for dinner, I have no idea what was happening to me but I got so nervous I talked way too much. I am south-european, I tend to be emotional and sometimes too direct. I think that might have thrown him off his guard. We went to his place, had more wine, more conversation and ended up together again. I should mention that it was me who made the first move, I kissed him. He later admitted that he didn’t know “how to start it” and was glad I made the first move. He was very sweet, the entire eve. I was nervous the next day, not being myself again for whatever reason. Asked him when we would see each other again. Big mistake. He answered vaguely.

Texting seems to be big in Sweden. He texted in the afternoon saying he’s not feeling well etc. We texted for a while but he knew I had to sit an important exam a couple of days later hence he was very quiet and didn’t bother me. So far so good, I didn’t hear from him for days and passed my exam. He texted that same night asking how it went and congratulated me. This is one week ago.

We texted to and back and I asked him what his week would look like. He said he’s very caught up at work and with european cup on every day at the moment, he’d be a wreck by the end of the week. Fair enough, still I had the impression he wasn’t particularly interested. I picked up all courage and told him to let me know if he fancied a drink some time. He replied in a nice way saying let me get back to you reg this drink.

All the while I thought he simply wasn’t interested in me any longer. But now after having read this blog I am wondering whether he still is, and is simply too shy. He is not a particularly shy guy though.. Shall I text him or rather wait until he gets back to me as he said? I don’t like playing games. He’s 38, doesn’t really seem to be the kind of guy who likes to play silly games either. On the other hand I don’t want to be too pushy, that’s not me and since football is still on (even though Sweden is out, sorry) I know he watches every night. Or is he simply not interested? I am confused. Dating a Swedish is most certainly not straight forward and he doesn’t seem to be too interested.. If I text him, what shall I say? Having already suggested to go for drinks and gotten neutral feedback? Thanks so much everyone!

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Amber

June 17th, 2012 at 23:08

Hej! Just wanted to pop in here and say that I read every single post… and loved them all. This cleared up a lot of questions I had, and I appreciate it.

I fell in love with someone from Sweden, although he’s never actually talked to me. It’s fine though, because I kind of can’t really get into a romantic relationship right now due to schooling and everything. BUT…I understand a little bit about the commitment-before-relationship thing, since I will wait for my chance to try to get his attention. I PROBABLY won’t date anyone else in the meantime, though, so that takes a LOT of pressure off of me in social situations, in my own mind. (Does this make sense? I mean…if I’m not putting myself out there to impress anyone, I don’t worry about what they might think, and I’m more able to be myself and have fun…)

I also think that when it comes to chivalry VS feminism, I’m middle-of-the-road about it. Yes, gentlemanly gestures are nice, but at the same time, they should be given, not expected, and they should be gifts, not rewards or bribes. Does this make sense? Just as a woman should act like a lady, thank him for anything he does or gives, so too should the man be respectful and helpful.

Of course, I’m the kind of girl that would treasure a common pebble off the ground if he decided to give it to me as a gift because he thought it was pretty… but I’d sell a pair of diamond earrings if they were given with the expectation of me giving something physical in return. SO…yeah.

Long enough post for the first time, I’ll be checking up later.

One question though…are guys really concerned with age-differences, and are they really concerned with what their family/friends/coworkers think about their relationships?

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Sapphire

June 18th, 2012 at 13:32

Hey readers! Anyone have advice for @Fumanskita??

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Sapphire

June 18th, 2012 at 13:39

@Confused – Welcome and kudos to you for sharing your story.

When I first read your comment, I thought maybe this guy likes you but is too shy. When I read it, ie. perused, the comment a second time, it seems to me that your crush is disinterested.

This week is crazy with Euro match (Sweden is out though) and Midsommar means he maybe busy. But it also seems he’s using the football match as an excuse to be busy.

I would let it be and if he texts you, just send shorter though not curt messages back. Give him a week to respond to the drinks request and then follow up on it. Say something like, “i heard about XYZ bar in blahblah, want to go there for an AW?” If he hesitates, then he’s not interested in you and dump him immediately.

And if he asks to “get back to you” stop talking to him. Don’t respond to texts. He doesn’t want to see you again if he’s too stupid to make up his mind about having a beer.

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Sapphire

June 18th, 2012 at 13:55

@Amber – Some guys are concerned with age differences and some not. It really depends on the culture and the type of friends you have. If the age difference is really big +15years then hopefully the couple has discussed all the important things in life (marriage, kids, etc) before becoming committed. That’s more important then getting the approval of friends. But hell, people do have strong stereotypes about age so who knows.

I think men worry less about what others think of their relationship than women. Men don’t seem to care if it upsets their friends or family as long as he himself is happy. Women do seek pack approval and will want her girlfriends to bless her new boyfriend.

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Heidar

June 18th, 2012 at 14:05

@Fumanskita: I have two words: Tell him.

@Confused: If he’s a typical Swede, then he’s probably watching most of the matches even after the Swedish team flunked out, so I wouldn’t worry about that part. As for how to proceed, I offer the same advice as I did Fumanskita: Tell him.

In fact, allow me to clarify something for those who haven’t read through the various threads on this blog:

Swedish women (most of them, not all of them!) are not the least bit straightforward when dating, frequently treat men like garbage, and generally toy with their feelings; some because they are insecure, others for sheer entertainment value. In Sweden, guys are considered a dime a dozen; in other words, no matter how badly a woman treats a guy, she knows there’ll be another coming along soon enough. It’s the classical phrase “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” taken to the extreme, and with zero regard for the feelings of the men involved.

As a result of this, most Swedish men have developed a certain, shall we say, “apprehension” towards dating; they’ve been hurt so many times that, sooner or later, they start dressing themselves in emotional plate mail just to hide the scars and keep from getting new ones. This is the main (but not only) reason that Swedish men often appear wishy-washy and standoff-ish. The solution?

Tell them, to their face, how you feel and why. No games, no “tactics”, no “rules”, no nothing. If you truly feel something for them, tell them EXACTLY what it is you feel, even if it makes you more embarrassed than you’ve been your entire life. That’s the only sure-fire way to get through all that emotional armour. Don’t do it over a text or in an e-mail, though, as that’s likely to just make them feel like you’re toying with them (as has happened so many times before with Swedish women), which will probably just make them hesitate and retreat: corner them and tell it to their face, and make damn sure they know you’re being serious and not playing games or toying with them.

That is all.

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confused

June 20th, 2012 at 17:48

You guys are great, thanks Sapphire and Heidar for your prompt replies and proper advice.

I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s not interested. If you really like someone, you want to see that person, no matter whether you’re busy at work or football is on every day. At some point, you do want to see that person again. It’s been two weeks now and I am ok with it, quite frank.

In fact we did text again but it was pretty much the same as before. I’m tired of this and not keen to waste my time.

My gf says he’s had bad luck in the past with girls and is rather cautious, probably looking for a girl to get married to. She assumes he thinks I’m too young and out too much. Well that’s life I suppose.

I keep you updated in case it turns out differently, but for now it seems, the greek guy is rather on the right track :)

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Jo K

June 26th, 2012 at 05:53

After 8 years in the US, the last 3 in paradise in San Diego with 2 small children now, my husband is seriously toying with the idea of returning to Stockholm. It has always been in the deck of cards, but I thought it would be further down the road not next year. I have been to Stockholm 4 times and it is a beautiful city and but I am in love with San Diego. I love the weather, the beaches, the fact that my 1 year old doesn’t have shoes and my 4 year old doesn’t wear the ones she has. I love the hills and the pacific ocean. I, of course love my husband more than San Diego, so I am open to the move. I am completely dreading the long winters, I spent 3 years in Boston and it forced me to Queensland, Australia to make up for the lost sunshine. So this has nothing to do with dating a Swede but living a life with one and him wanting to go home. So any advice for a SoCal girl and how to approach a move to Stockholm??? Light therapy?

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Linda

July 18th, 2012 at 06:06

I have a question about a Swedish guy I started chatting with. I met him on a mutual web site we are on. He will be visiting New York City in mid August, and staying with a friend down there for a few days. The plan was that we would visit with me and hang out in upstate NY for a few days as well before he returns back to Sweden. He suggested I freind him on Facebook which I did and notice that when I am on he always initiates chat with me. I find him very physically attractive as well as refreshing with his upbeat attitude. I have flirted with him a bit and one particular conversation became ver sexual in nature. He asked if I was attracted to him and I told him I was. I asked as well and said he found me attractive too. He said that when we see each other in person and if there is a mutual attraction on that physical interaction level to relax and go with it, implying we could have sex if that was what we wanted. Not until he mentioned it did I really consider it and actually want it…

He is in a band and just last night he was up again super late recording trying to finish a piece with his band members.. He again started the IM convo and advised that he doesn’t have Internet access but he was texting me via his phone. Bc I’m curious I asked him if he normally IM on Facebook and he said he normally did with other musicians he coloborates with but not so much anyone else ( with his wording that what it implied). So bc of his limited access to the Internet I suggested we talk internationally. He said he would and suggested I download tango which I did. We then talked for about 1hour together. He is really sweet, funny and again very handsome. I never felt a connection like this with a guy from online before so I’m concerned that maybe I am reading possibly his friendliness as interest.

I want our together time to be fun and casual but if it turns intimate in not sure if that’s the best thing. Not bc i wouldnt want it but rather if that is the right kind of thing to do with a foreign man that is just visitng ( maybe he will think american woman are easy to get into bed, where i dont go to sleep with any man i am actually very selective) I already know how I feel just from the face time call we had. He asked me a lot of questions and generally seems to be interested in knowing about me. He was smiling a lot a d making jokes.

I look at him like as if he was an American man that was interested in a woman. Ie. men normally don’t like talking on the phone especially for almost an hour, or the fact that he always iniiates conversations via chat with me. So with all of this being said what are your slant and opinion about this Swedish guy?

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Duske

August 10th, 2012 at 06:48

Hey all!

First off, I LOVE this blog and have spent several days reading through all the wonderful entries as well as the insightful comments. However, I have my own story to add, if I may!

I, too, have fallen in love with a beautiful Swedish man and I have two questions. First, he’s younger than I am. He’s early twenties, and I’m in my 30’s. Is that a big deal to guys or should I just tuck my tail and run away? Secondly, I haven’t seen this question really answered, and if it has, I’ve missed it and apologize, but I’m a big girl (however, I AM doing something about with since last October by working out with weights). Is this another issue with Swedish men, or again, should I tuck tail and run?

Thank you for any and all insights to these questions. I haven’t spoken to him yet, but I think it’s best to get advice first off before I do.

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Mel

August 27th, 2012 at 22:19

I have to say, I started dating a man from Stockholm recently (who just moved to the US) and he is not at ALL like this. He’s generous, open, communicative, wants to talk about “us” and how we feel all the time, is super affectionate, and I’ve never paid for anything on a date. Apparently I just got really lucky, lol. Or maybe it’s because I’m really reticent in general, and it’s become a balancing act? Either way, it tossed that whole ‘stoic’ thing right out the window.

Also, the sex is absolutely amazing and he is completely selfless in this regard.

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Nina

September 5th, 2012 at 02:28

Hi guys! I love that I found this forum, here is my experience with a swedish guy. I am from California, my ethnicicty is morrocan italan and german. I met this adorable swedish guy at a language school in Germany. He lives in Uppsala, we hooked up but he was only here or 2 weeks. Since thenhe has called me from Sweden and skyped me a bunch of times. He alway tellls me that he misses me and that mean alot to him. Do you think he wold be interested in a ong distance relationship? Is that common in Sweden?

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Christoffer

September 7th, 2012 at 22:40

Hi I guess im also one of the Swedes that stumbled upon this blog. And I have to say that I was pretty stunned about the intrest of us swedes, really intresting reading about others thoughts about us.
And I cant agree more about how open, social and outgoing we are when we go abroad, atleast when we’re going on vacation.
But I will try to answer questions and thoughts that you have about us, but the other swedes here has done a great job doing this aswell I have to say, because I can relate to much of what they are saying :)

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Amber

October 24th, 2012 at 22:00

How easy is it to get a Swede’s attention, and do they acknowledge that they heard/saw/received your communications? Do they simply not let you know they heard you, or does accidental ignoring happen a lot? I’ve found that Swedes in general don’t always reply immediately… in fact, it’s a low-priority a lot of the time, to reply to anything. But is it possible that they won’t let you know they got your message?

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marcela

October 27th, 2012 at 18:32

i found this post by chance i have enjoyed reading all the comments . I’m a Colombian girl who has been in a relationship with a wonderful Swedish guy for more than a year. so i can say that I’m lucky woman
.
well from my experience being with a Swede and living in Stockholm almost 2 years, the description about Swedish guys is right in some things but in others not . So I’m wondering that maybe i got the eccentric Swedish guy instead of the typical jejejejej. Well he is handsome but nit blonde, he hates IKEA and he doesn’t have a fashion style and thankfully due to me he is starting to take care of his hair finally. He has expressed me his feelings and he has had more commitment to the relationship than me in the beginning. However my boyfriend was very shy when we meet, not so romantic, reserved about his life and very punctual (he made me a huge drama show because i arrived late to one date, so i had to ask for forgiveness during almost 1 hour).

from my experience , I think that the best advise that i can give to women dating Swedes is don’t get rush and take the dating process slow (this doesn’t apply if you have few opportunities to meet him or he or you are only staying few time in the same place). So if you are expecting your Swede as a direct, spontaneous and romantic guy in the first dates, you are looking in the wrong place. In my case, it helped me a lot that when meet my boy I wasn’t in a rush to have relationship at all. So I took my dating process very slow and relaxed, because I wanted to take time to meet my boy and be sure that he was a nice guy to have a relationship. I thought if it didn’t ended it in a relationship could ended it in a friendship, which is something that I valuate a lot in men.

The second advice is that don’t be afraid to take approaches or show interest to the guy. Swedes are shy so you have to show them that you are interested in them. In my case I had to show him my interest texting messages and calling him for meetings. This was for me a huge and scary step at the beginning because Colombian society is very conservative and usually Colombian guys do the whole dating job. However in instead of getting disappointed or scare, I saw this situation as chance to get more confidence. The way to show interest I think should be gradual to not scare the guy.

The third advice is being spontaneous and easy going. Don’t expect Swedes being romantic at the beginning, so being spontaneous and relax can make a tense situation a relaxing one at least for you. I remember my first dates with my boyfriend weren’t the typical date situations. The first one he was scare of suggesting something so I suggested to go eat ice cream in front of the sea. It wasn’t at all romantic but we have a funny thing and he got more relax. The second date he invited to me to watch a movie which we ended falling sleep due to it was too boring. So I suggest watching the Eurovision contest and at least laughing about the crappy songs.

Anyway maybe these advises maybe can’t work in every situation but at least in my case help me to find a good guy that brings to my life a lot of happiness and love. So I hope that in some cases can work well as in my case. Good luck to everyone.

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Queen

March 12th, 2013 at 07:57

Im not sure if this blog is still active, I’m an Asian – Filipino and met this Swedish/Japanese guy in the same hotel that we were staying in. We’ve drink together because we wanted to try the Korean – Soju. We talked and laughed a lot but the next day he was like ignoring me and not even accepted my fb request when he actually requested first but got the wrong fb and went back to Japan without saying goodbye and whatnots. I have a bf and just want friendship. Now I’m wondering if i did something bad.

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Sapphire

March 15th, 2013 at 22:20

@Queen – Don’t worry about it too much. He might have been stressed when taking off to go back home or just being stupid. If he accepts your friend request, great, otherwise remember the good memories. You will meet more awesome people. :-)

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A

March 17th, 2013 at 07:50

Hi there! I have just finished reading all the posts on here and found it very insightful and helpful. I’m glad to have come across this blog.

Like most women on here, I too have met my Swede on an online dating site. I’m Asian-Filipino in my late 30’s and my Swede is in his very early 40’s. We’ve known each other for 2 1/2 weeks now, and things have been going so well.

As Marcela mentioned in her post, Swedish men do vary in some ways. I have to agree about the shyness, and the part where you have to initiate things. It’s really not in my culture/nature to make the first move, but I’m glad I did, especially after having read this blog. I’m happy to say that my effort was fruitful. I don’t know if it comes with age or one’s exposure to various cultures that makes my Swede different than your typical Swedish male…and I am loving the person that I have come to know.

To all the women out there who has fallen for a Swede, don’t get so caught up with how much effort you put into your relationship. Go the extra mile. I know it’s not easy putting yourself out there, but know that it goes both ways. If you want your Swede to open up, then you have to take the lead, and start opening yourself up to him. That’s what I did, and I found out that deep down, he was just like me.

I can only hope for the best in all of us. :)

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Iryna

April 7th, 2013 at 05:06

I am a 22 years old Ukrainian girl with blue eyes and blonde hair. I am in love with Swedish guys… I love tall, blonde and strong Swedish men. My first boyfriend was a Swedish guy. It was 5 years ago. But it was a summer love thingy. I experienced my best moments with him just for a few weeks. Now, I want a longer relationship with a Swedish guy. I have some Russian friends datind/married Scandinavian guys. They are very happy. It was nice to find this website. I have read and learned a lot about Swedish men.

Well, Swedish men are the best looking guys, that’s for sure. Thanks for this page.

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Aira

April 25th, 2013 at 09:39

Hey everybody ! This article was kinda funny, and the comments too. I mean funny with full of true stuff. Im a girl from Hungary, but i know many swe dudes (from Univ, parties, internet) and only i say is a big YES for the most of things above. BUT everybody has a different personality. I just found a swe guy (accidentally on internet) who is a cool one even if he doesn’t follow the point what the article was about. We started to talk a lot (means 5-6-7 hours a day), and yeah texting is an easier way for everybody, then started to talk on Skype or on phone (the sec blessed step), then met several times. We fell in love with each other durin just the texting. I tell u, if u open urself for everybody, after a little time, the another will follow u if u like each other puss och kram babies

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nena

May 13th, 2013 at 18:35

Hello!!
I find this blog very interesting and as far as I know It describes very well the Swedish guy I know, which this helped me to understand his behavior way better.
This guy and I work in the same company, but I don’t see him very often. Of course, I like him since the first time I saw him.
We have found in the same place about 5 times until now in about a year or maybe longer. However, every time we see each other, He always give “the look” and he makes himself noticeable by walking around. specially the last three times. We have been introduced and we had a small talk and I emailed him once for work matters. Besides that nothing has happened ;( and I’m too shy, I mean to shy to approach him and talk to him.
I just would like to have some help to know if I could have a chance with him. Specially, after I have read this post but I find hard to read him, for next time I see him or what could I do??
Thank you in advance…

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TXSR

June 3rd, 2013 at 17:56

@Heidar or anyone here
Hi, I love this blog! I’m confusing and need help!
The guy and I are living in the same corridor, same age, 23. After I move in one month later, he finally asked my phone number. Then texted me to go to his room to watch a movie. We sit on his bed, turn off the light and quite close to each other. Next week, I think maybe I should make a move too. So I text him and we watched a movie again. Then next day, he ask me if I have any plan tomorrow, and he also emphasize he don’t really have any plan. But he didn’t ask me out. So finally, I asked if he want to go out with me. And he said yes immediately like he’s waiting for me to ask. So I thought he likes me too, But then, his behavior really confuse me.
We watched movie several times later. But except the first time, he never asked me initiatively. It’s always me to make the move. Although he always say yes and we do have a good movie time together. I don’t know if he just treat me as a friend or he just don’t know how to say no to a girl? So I am quite struggled every time when I ask him out. Because I don’t want to push him.
Last time we saw a movie together, he move his hand very slowly and took minutes to put it on mine, but not completely hold my hand, just like half way to do it. For a while, I really thought he’s gonna hold my hand. But he didn’t, I don’t know he’s gonna hold my hand or not, I just moved my hand a little bit, and he take his hand back. I’m confused if it’s just an inconsciene behavior or he just change his mind at the last minutes?
I will leave Sweden in one month, I don’t know if he hesitate because of that. Although, I know if a guy really likes you, that’s not an excuse. I do like him. I just want to know if he also has same feeling for me, even though just a little bit. Or did I just have the wrong idea from the beginning? I mean, if you like someone, you probably magnify all the things he did as a signal? I am thinking probably at least once in my life I should express my feeling directly. But I don’t want to scare him and give him too much pressure. Even if he doesn’t like me, and just think we are friends. I still happy to have a friend like him. I don’t want to things become awkward between us and end up with never contact again. How should I do?

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Blaque

July 1st, 2013 at 16:24

Hey y’all! I’m so glad I found this page as I’m in need for some help. I’m moving to Stockholm later this year (never been there before) and, guess what, there’s one Swede I’m interested in. The thing is, I don’t know him. He’s a photographer, I found out about him online. I googled stuff about him so I know where he lives (I’ll be living quite close to him actually!) and what clubs/restaurants he goes to. And that’s the problem. How do I meet him? How do I approach him? I figured sitting by his house would be childish, lol. I’m 21 and he’s 23. I thought about bumping into him on purpose but that would probably end up with “förlat” and we’d rush our ways. I may stumble upon him in a restaurant but how to aproach him while he’s dinning with friends (he usually does)? I’m not saying I’m expecting romance from the start, he’s kind of intriguing so befriending him would be great, for starters ;)
Any advice would be appreciated.

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Jack

July 28th, 2013 at 19:49

Hey,

I’ve recently been on vacation in America. I’m from the UK. During this holiday me and my friends met a couple of Swedish girls. We met up a couple of times for drinks and on the last night we slept together. The problem is I actually really like this girl and would like to see her again and be more than a one night thing. She gave me her number to get in touch afterwards but she only rarely replies to any messages. My question is, are Swedish women used to being chased? Or is the fact she only now and then replies to my messages mean she’s not interested? Any advice on how to approach from here would be appreciated :)

Thanks,

Jack

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ChrilleGee

November 21st, 2013 at 02:32

“Confusing; few understand the male species and even less understand the Swedish man”

This is so true as i am a swedish blonde male. We are mysterious creatures n like to keep it that way ;)

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sofiah21

December 31st, 2013 at 04:09

After almost a year in Stockholm, all I can say is: go for the Danish men!!! yes!! they may not have as good hair as the Swedish guys but they are more outgoing, possibly taller, and more handsome (at least for my taste ;) ).

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