The A to Z Guide on Dating Swedish Men

Oh, and I almost forgot, I found a website where you can calculate your “adult points” – http://www.vuxenpoang.se/vuxenformular.asp its in swedish, but I did fine with google language tools – scored 20 and have no idea is that good or bad? :/

@Moonlight, I was looking for that post on A-Z you put up. Thanks!!! “Take a romantic trip to Canary Islands” is true true true.

@an – I did pay $.05 cents to send and receive text messages in the US with T-Mobile. Of course that was on top of the already $60/month on a cell phone plan. Texting in the US is painful so I can understand for economic reasons why Europeans text rather than call.

But, I have not ‘dated’ or ‘flirted’ by sms messaging, that would be interesting to know. Do you any advice on that?

As a Swede I can confirm this is pretty much accurate, at least as a generalization. Individuals still think, act, say and do things differently. If you keep that in mind you can use things like this as a blueprint.

I do feel there’s one thing some of you haven’t really understood though when it comes to drunk-sex-relationship. Most Swedes don’t use their drunkenness to find a relationship; they use it for a one night stand. That CAN lead to a relationship, but isn’t in any way the point. I cannot think of a single person I know that has started a long-term relationship in that way.

If you want to meet and wed a Swedish guy or girl the easiest road is probably to enlist in some extra activity such as politics, football, the local Sci-fi club or any such thing. Inside such clubs you find likeminded and when they get together and party and get it on, THEN it can lead to relationships.

And finally I need to say that Swedish males are pretty easy to figure out, well most men are. We want sex, food, sports, the occasional game and a steady paycheck. So if you want to snag a man, make him dinner, watch a game together and give him fantastic sex. It doesn’t need to be harder than that. Women always overdo it, analyze everything and make the slightest little thing into something, men don’t do that. We’re easy. Show a naked breast with a pancake shaped like a football on it and we’re yours.

I’m an American chick. My swede has given me The Look the last few times I’ve seen him. I want to take it to the next level. What do i do? i’m nervous b/c i’m shy, but i don’t think he’ll make the next move.

@ apocalypse nowish and lee

sigh.
I am so tired of men reducing themselves to a few bodily functions. You are more then that, surely? Heart, Soul and a mind? If you haven’t explored these aspects of yourself I encourage to try. Also if it were that easy (sport, fantastic fun and food) then we would all be in relationships. The truth is: not all men are into sports, ‘fantastic sex’ is personal preference, what is fantastic for one person is not necessarily for another and many men over 40 experience some form of ED( erectile dysfunction) so even if you had “awesome fun” what do you do when you can’t anymore, or your partner can’t and you’ve built a relationship based on that? Finally, I’m sure every woman has experienced making a meal for a man only to have him shove a fork in and push it around and complain about it. So no, it is NOT that simple. Though I know we all wish it was :)

On the other hand, thank God it’s not because that would not only be very boring it would be vacuous. Thankfully, I’ve had the privilege of knowing some men who know themselves beyond a few physical preferences and I’ve benefitted from their depth, wisdom and humor and yes they have also pissed me off at times as I’m sure I have them.

Recently I had a conversation with a man who said something about woman not needing men anymore that even reproduction was going to be possible without them and my jaw dropped. That’s the danger of only focusing on physical characteristics, you begin to limit your worth to a few things you can do and if you don’t think you can do them anymore, you may begin to think you’re not necessary or something. I had to collect myself before I could try to explain that in the same way I walk into the woods to experience nature, which is ‘doing nothing’ other then being itself, I enjoy a man’s company in the same way. But I still haven’t come up with words for describing that very well. I do know it’s not limited to the physical things about him, though those things are part of it.

@apocalypse nowish
Hi. I’m not an expert on relationships because of course I haven’t been in many but I do come from a stable family and that has given me a pretty good understanding of how relationships must work. I see your swedish bluntness and i’d like to take advantege of that =) I want to know what is the “extra” that makes a man to pick one girl out of a bunch (and it’s not looks bacause I’ve seen some “not so pretty girls” get incredible guys) and stick to her. Sometimes the girls don’t even cook and hate sports and guys don’t care. There has to be something else and I’m not talking about sex either because that is something that everyone can do so it’s not hard to get. I’m sure those 3 aspects are very important for a man, maybe not all guys are into sports but that could be substituted with other hobbies. But can guarantee there’s something deeper behind it that makes them fall in love… so think hard and let me know =) thanks

@ Latina girl

“Sometimes the girls dont even cook and hate sports and guys dont care” what the hell?. You dont have to be a good cook or love sports to get a swedish guy. A swedish guy that expects a woman to do household chores by herself is considered a pig. For example I royally suck at cooking, If I had a girl that would be good at cooking and also enjoy cooking and dont mind doing it. Then I would do the dishes AND clean up in the kitchen afterwards. No way in hell would I let her dish her own plate or even remove it from the table, if she cooks then after the meal she is well within her rights to just leave the table after dinner and watch TV or whatever while I clean up.

If I had to take a wild guess, what you are describing might be a seductive look in those girls eyes, perhaps a certain wild side to them aswell. I dont mean that being a good cook and stuff like that is a bad thing, its a great thing to be honest. But you are more than that and you should never think of being able to cook or liking sports as a quality that will get you a swedish guy because he would want you for your personality that is beyond that stuff.

@Björn
Thank you for saying those things. I notice that same attitude towards household chores in the swede I know and it is a great thing to me because I am not a good cook either, I like it but just dont have much to practice. Im thinking really seriously in taking some cooking classes and be able to cook a very nice meal for him one day. That is my latin blood speaking I suppose because we do things like these for our man not because we have to but because we want to please him and we feel good doing it, although my friend thinks we do it as an obligation and doesnt believe that we take pleasure in doing those type of things.

@ Latina girl

Im glad, I was affraid that my last post might have come off as a bit harsh. It is absolutley great that you want to make your man happy with good food and stuff like that. But I just want you to know that as a woman, a man, no matter where he is from. Should appreciate you and love you for who you are, and not how good a cook you are. And because you want to make your man happy by striving to be a wife that ALOT of men can only DREAM of. You must also make sure that the man you have chosen is the man that YOU dream of. I mean you are a latina, by that fact alone, swedish men should be lining up around the block just to ask you out, so whenever you see a swedish man or any man for that matter. Just tell him something like “what the hell are you standing here for, come with me and dance” and if you want a similair line in swedish just let me know. Because beleive me, I am a man, and I dont know any man at all, not even any of my closest friends. Who would deserve a woman like you. Hell I wouldt even recomend them to any woman on this blog, almost every woman here on this blog that has been asking questions. Seems to be the kind of girl that you simply DONT let go. I mean really making an effort to make the best relationship, not only for yourself but also to the man that you have chosen or want to meet, is the kind of woman that only a few seem to have gotten a hold of. I can only hope you meet a man worthy of you who treats you as you deserve (like the best thing that ever happened to him =P).

@ Puntino

Well what we do in sweden really depends on what kinds of clubs you are going to. But one thing that Ive learned is that we never lose this childish drinking game mentality. Jokes are often made about those who cant hold their liquor. Our nightlife is depending on drinking. As for the music and dancing, well we most likely look like a bunch of idiots when dancing. Atleast compared to any foreigner who comes from a country where dancing is more important than alcohol. Also, here it is more common to exchange phone numbers after hookingup. It might be a bit of an embarrassament that we cant dance worth crap, atleast most of us. But hey, instead of dancing kinky, we get kinky=P.

PS: what is the latest casual trend clothing style in italy? Id like to pick up some jeans from italy, but I really feel that a shirt would stand out more than a pair of jeans.

Err since I cant edit my posts, what I meant with.”I mean the best girls are already always taken, those who arent, just have yet to taken lol. So just wait a while and you will be settled =D”

Was that the best girls that are not already taken will be taken very soon. Not that you are not the best kind of girl because you are not taken already =D

@Björn

hahaha, I was only joking:))) I have recently ended a 4 year-long relationship with a british man, he was using me as a cook, as a cleaner, as a bank, as a housing asociation and lately as a verbal punching bag… last thing he’d ever done to me was throw a bass guitar at me during an argument and thats when I finally found the guts to say “OUT!”

I am very interested in one particular swedish guy, but it looks like its not mutual (thanks for the advice – I’ve stopped bothering him a few weeks ago and he doesnt seem to miss me at all…), so the only thing left to do for me is to enjoy some freedom for now, sort out my mental and physical health and maybe treat myself for a weekend trip to Stockholm hahaha:)

@everybody reading this –

Just thought to be a bit curious – would be interesting to hear a woman’s view/experiences – here, in britain, i cant stand the “romeos” with their “fancy” cars stopping by a bus stop while you’re waiting for a bus (or just walking to the shop) and trying to chat you up – does it happen a lot in Sweden?

P.S. Just to clarify – I never ever dress in a provocative way, in fact, most of the times it happens, im usually just on my way to work (im an interpreter)

@Björn
Sorry, I think your exact words were: “come with me and dance” =D
Something else i want to know and maybe you can help me, what are some good nicknames in swedish for men (friends and boyfriends)? Something that he would like as a friend and different ones that he would like later maybe as a boyfriend.

@ Moonlight

I know you were joking, I was just teasing a bit lol. And about that guy, damn, I am glad to hear you are not seeing that bastard anymore. As for that swede, well he is not he only swede in the world so youll find another hehe. You should definatley enjoy your freedom, I would recomend a spa, getting youself spoiled, buying some new clothes. Get a new haircut or just getting your hair done in general. And then, sleep around =P. And after a month or so, starting to focus on getting a serious guy.

@ Latina Girl

Depends on how you want it to sound. There are many ways to say it, it could sound very seductive, or just for fun. Or outright ” I wanna seex you up!” lol. Nicknames I am not good at, atleast not friendly ones that would work untill a real relationship has started. But once you are a couple nicknames such as “Sötnos” “Älskling” which basically translates to sweety and honey. But to be honest, if I had a latina girlfriend, I would like it more if she called me papi instead of something swedish =P.

@Björn

well, steps are already being taken:) haircut done, not as drastic as i wanted tho (i own quite long hair which looks like a miracle to the local stylists, and the one who did my hair convinced me that i can chop them off any time i liked, but it would be really difficult to grow them back:D) diet in progress now, my lines are completely ruined by all the junk food i destroyed during that stressful relationship, then new clothes will follow (yippeeeee:D). Not sure about the sleeping around bit:) I’m not really the type and the fact that british guys really DO sleep with anyone willing…. Errrrm – not interesting. I like “hard-to-get” guys:) Plus I live in Manchester – capital of “chavs” (well, maybe second after Liverpool, but not by much…), and they’re worse than russians – forever rude, forever pissed and smell of weed. As for the swede – you’re right, there are a couple more million:) deduct the married, the jerks and the underaged and there might be some left to choose from:))) Someone actually said to me once that men are like public toilets, because there are 3 types of them – 1. Vacant
2. Engaged. or
3. Full of crap:)
Hard to disagree:))) espescially in the UK:)

@Sapphire

I havent actually dated the swede, we met once, it looked like we liked each other, got chatting on msn, he’d flirt a lot, we’d plan an actual date for us, but when it came to saying bye, he couldnt even write that he’d miss me too. Its probably still on my mind because i like the “hard-to-get” guys, its not as much fun, but I tend to value things (and people) more if it takes me some effort to get them. Its just something that Britain made of me:)

“sambo rhymes with mambo”
also “mambo” is someone who still lives with parents despite being old enough to live independently (mam-bo, get it?)

@apocalypse nowish:
Can you answer my question? I am a bit confusedd

@Richard – Hahaha, “mambo.” I’ll need to write about mambo, sambo, and särbo. Do you know how these words became popular?

LOL on the British men. Are they really that bad? I know the teeth thing is a problem though…

@Sapphire

yes, the british really are bad, not mentioning their poor hygiene again, all they are interested in life is beer, boobs and football, no other interests whatsoever… And they usually are of a very high opinion about themselves, although, if you dig a bit deeper – you just cant find any reason for that:))) Out of all nationalities I’ve ever dated brits come very last from my point of view:) My first few were lithuanian, then an italian, a dane, a russian, a ukranian and the brit and although the relationship with the brit was the longest – it was the most tormenting one and I cant think of anyone else who was so easy to get over:) Now I just feel like BREATHING again:) I have a feeling that my next one is gonna be a swede:) Or norwegian:) I like northern boys:))) I wonder if any actually live in Manchester, I’m sort of free most days and wouldnt refuse a coffee:D

@apocalypse nowish

I know… ended up here a couple years ago, London was way better, but the housing is unaffordable for me to move back there, i’m so gutted:)))

Shall google up the church though, thanks:) been googling “swedish in manchester”, but nothing relevant came up apart from this blog, haha:) I know a couple of norwegians here, but they’re gay – probably just my luck – they’re really fun to go out with though:)

Have you lived in Mcr or was just a visit enough for you?:)))

Apocolypse*

@Moonlight
No, just passed through a couple of times. Didn’t like what I saw. Have lived in Glasgow and London, and for a while I lived at both places at the same time, so I took the opportunity to see much of the scenery in-between.

@Katherine:
In what way? Most Teens are pretty much the same wherever you go. Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever been one myself, only dated some, so I am probably the wrong person to ask.

Well i am reading all of this stuff about swedish men being very reserved and quiet and everything and wondering what age group that applys to! Anyone respond :) Thanks!

Hi,

This is the first time that I’ve posted a comment on a blog – whoop get me with the latest technology. Anyway have just returned from a long weekend in Stockholm. Decided to go as went to friend’s wedding last year in Helsingborg and was mightily impressed by the many hot Swedish men I spied and in general the Swedish attitude to living.

Stockholm didn’t disappoint. It’s such a pretty city. I didn’t find the swedes stand offish at all. My friend also agreed that they’re many cute men (far more than in the UK). Having read some of the comments it appears fruitless for me to move to Stockholm but I need to scour London for Swedes abroad – so where the hell do I find them?? I am far from a typical swedish blonde bombshell being half Egyptian am rocking the dusky N African look instead). Any help much appreciated!

@Björn

LOL – some of them dont even wear any underwear:))) I cant really talk about ALL the men here, maybe upper class is better with hygiene, but those I know have a real issue with it and are absolute scruffs. Women are better with the showering, but again – greasy hair, hairy armpits and hairy toes are a norm here:) And they’re all “princesses” – or rather, in my words – extremely cocky – try to start a conversation with a girl in a bar – you’re very likely to be looked at like a comlete douchebag, shown 2 fingers and hear the epic “fook off”:))) However – if the attention is unwanted thats often the only way to deal with it – I did that once back in London, when some weirdo been following me home from the tube station every day for nearly a week – gee, was I peeped off:)

Thats why I prefer gay bars:))) They are taking way more care about themselves and at least you know that none of them want just to drag you to bed:) I want a Viking next – they seem to be good with their women and the culture isnt that distant – we even share most pagan celebrations, like Midsummer and All Saints. God, I miss Midsummer…

I am getting carried away here, I know…:) I talk for a living, so pardon me please:)))

@Ciro – Check out this post on bars to visit in Stockholm: http://lostinstockholm.com/2010/04/12/best-bars-and-pubs-to-visit-in-stockholm/

I’ll put up another post on places to visit in the city.

Hej Mats
I agree. Almost all the woman I know (including myself) like, want and talk aboutit just as much as men and usually with more details or so I’m told by some male friends.

Hello :)

So I have a question? Are there a lot of interracial dating in Sweden? I’m African American and I will be moving to Sweden soon so I’m just curious :)

Thanks!

“Swedish men are lovely, they act like a child when they are in love but they are shy and slow, men shouldnt be tat, sometimes i feel unprotected. Dont know if they would be a good husband or not but some are callous”

Hehe that is pretty funny to read because I made friends with some italians a few summers ago and they told me that I literally lack feelings lol. Not sure what you mean about “unprotected” when it comes to women we are not idiots and give them space. On some occasions when an american woman who asks me for directions or whatever and we start talking more generally I often get in trouble with her guy like “why are you talking to my girl?” or “are you talking to my girl!?” to which I always respond something like. “Yeah well she started talking to me, what is the problem?” and then it just goes downhill. If you want something like that then, you can find it in sweden, but I wouldt recomend those guys hehe.

Other than that, yeah depending on the swedish guy you meet. I could guarantee that you would be hapy having him as a husband. But we are not some sort of fairy tale prince sort of guys. We are like any other guys so if you can find a good swedish man, you can find a good man in whatever country you live in too.

@Moonlight

Lol at trying to find swedes in a church. That’s probably not the best place to look for us =b

@Tomas

hahahaha, I was only googling the church:) usually if you find a mosque – you know that there are muslims living in the area:) And probably drinking in some local bar:)

Moonlight,

Thanks, and I’ll definitely keep all of that in mind! Maybe he is an exception to the rule, but it’ll be a while before we meet anyway seeing as one of us getting to where the other lives will take upwards of 10 hours on planes.

@Moonlight

Point taken xD

@Moonlight

LOL! Im more like 173-175cm tall and my biceps are not as distinctive as I would like. Allthough I am working on it =). But most idiots who act like that are not as badass as they think are. And aslong as they dont have a bunch of friends at their back they wont do much more than talk big.

@Princess

Not so sure about the church either, maybe if it was a bar with a church theme, or if he is religous, a church with a bar theme lol.
You should’t need to get him drunk, if he has any national pride at all he will do that on his own =P. Try to start an conversation, and if he seems a bit shy then ask him if he knows of any good bars/pubs close by (again, if he has any national pride, he will definatley know!) after he has made his suggestions, ask if he wants to join you for a beer or two. That should work wonders.

@Bjorn

Ta for that – so alcohol is going to help – isn’t that the same with any man?? Are there any bars/pubs in London that Swedish males flock to then?

Lagom, no passion or drive for anything, no dancing and such, keeping the wifey for sex and food, I had to hold that door for myself etc, evening program is computer games for hours – main reasons why I divorced my Swede… If Swedish guys are normally like that, I don’t think I will even date another one…
Drinking, which I can’t stand, would make it even worse, my husband at least wasn’t drinking. Okay, a glass of nice wine to a dinner or such is fine, but to make drinking a program, just for the sake of getting drunk and blur your senses and mind – I never could see how was that good.

@Princess

Sorry, never been there so I dont know any good bars.

And I think alcohol helps alot, it also depends on where the swedish guy grew up and how his parents grew up. Drinking has become less and less in some social circuits, mainly because alot of the “younger” swedish males have become more metrosexual, like wearing makeup and generally acting like females. I you want a feminine guy then alcohol is a no go, but there are still those that act in a more manly fashion and thats where alcohol is good. But only if you have a few drinks yourself, no one likes to drink alone=D.

@ Bjorn

I just came up with an interesting question – how much alcohol can swedes handle and still remember what was that “night” like? Or that something happened at all? :D I mean it would be a shame to outdrink a guy ;))) I’m hardly alcoholic – but my b’days and New Year’s Eves are usually proper russian style haha – total memory loss after 5am:))) We’ve been talking about b’days with the swede that disappeared a few weeks ago – according to him, 1 litre of vodka, 0.7 litre Kahlua, and half a bottle of Amaretto would be a normal night out:))) I still have a feeling that there’s no way he could handle that:))))

Ha – have found an English pub with Swedish links – am gonna be hanging round there a lot and look like I enjoy football and hockey!

@Bjorn

Yuck feminine men nope, not for me, like a man to be manly please.

I will agree that a little bit of alcohol can help matters and those that tend to be totally bladdered a lot tend (generalisation, generalisation) younger people. You mature – you should be able to hold a conversation and charm the opposite sex – so are we saying that Swedish men aren’t that great at charming the ladies without quite copious amounts of drink inside them?? Isn’t that a bit pathetic?

@Moonlight

Of course it’s Harcourt Arms, Harcourt Rd, Marylebone (nearest tube Edgeware Rd) – anyone been? Apparently have learnt this area is ‘Little Sweden’ near Swedish Church and Hyde Park so that’s why there may be so many around there.

Any London based ladies fancy a hunting party to the pub then?

Don’t worry I wouldn’t dream of actually snagging a football obsessed bloke – unless they were a Freddie Lundberg look-alike (ooh how shallow of me)

@Moonlight
I’m a Swedish guy living in America right now… and an average night out drinking will typically run me 100$~ That still leaves me capable of driving home. If I’m not driving and am partying, My bar tabs rake up to about 300-400$. My last big night out was 19 shots of Vodka, several long island ice teas… and random other drinks. Beer I can drink all day and never even feel the effects. I’m 6’4, and actually don’t drink that often. That is kind of my inherent Swedish tolerance.

@ Moonlight

Sorry for being a bit late, I just saw your question. How much a man can drink before blacking out is pretty individual. I can have 4 beers and it usually does not even show, sometimes 5. But after 5 you will normally see me being affected by it. But I usually have around 10 beers normally, I can add some spirits to that aswell and still remember pretty much everything from last night the same way I would remember the night as if I was sober.

It really depends on how much sleep Ive had the last couple of days, how much I have eaten before I start drinking and if I am dehydrated or not.

@ Princess

We are not uncapable of charming the opposite sex without alcohol, but alcohol is in our culture. It is not only men who get drunk here, swedish women drink alot too. Most women in sweden who complain that guys cant keep a conversation unless they are drunk, are most likely women who try to have a nice level and sober conversation with men in a nightclub. When we go to a nightclub, the large majority of us will be drunk, that is just how it is. If you want to meet sober swedish men, go to a cafe or something.

To say that swedish men cant have a conversation without alcohol is pretty much like saying that a woman dont know how to meet a man in any other way than standing at the bar trying to look as pretty as possible while hoping that the guy she likes will come over and try to pick her up.

We like to drink, but drinking is not who we are =)

@Princess
I get the lush comment a lot. The sad fact is, I’m not. I typically only drink once or twice a week, I just drink a lot when I do. I just have a very very high tolerance, which I blame on being Swedish.
As Björn said: “We like to drink, but drinking is not who we are =)”
Yes, I drink and drive sometimes, but I drive really well. Even DUI checkpoints don’t stop me. I should also specify I spend a few hours drinking only water while my friends are still drinking, (if I’m driving). I do make quite a bit of money, I work for a large law firm.
I am relatively young, 27. When I’m in UK, I don’t drive typically. I prefer public transportation, since it is a vacation and I drink a lot if I’m there. If I was actually Tanked, I’d get a cab, or walk, but that doesn’t happen because I know when to stop.

I suppose my first post did make it sound pretty bad. Hope that clarifies. I’m not just some random drunk hobo spouting nonsense.

Hello! I was wondering what swedish men in their 20′s are like? Im learning swedish and am going to go to sweden soon with my friend! Thanks :)

Just found this thread! Been laughing at Princess trying not to seem like an “Essex girl” lol.
I think your original post to carlson was spot on btw.Then again,he drink drives in America and it seems to be the national pastime there!
@Carlson – trust me mate,we ALL think we’re great drivers,and thats before drinking…we’re not!
No matter how good you are you can NEVER take into account what the other driver/person will do.Survive,and fail a breath/blood test,and you’re up shit creek without a paddle..bigtime!
It never ceases to amaze me how drink driving is so popular in America.It’s nearly as popular as the multi million dollar law suits that can possibly be launched against you!
Does your law firm pay you that much mate?

@Kate – i’m a little late but as everyone ignored you i’ll try. Just be yourself when you arrive.Don’t be afraid to talk to people,just try not to be too pushy.Most swedish 20 yr olds will speak excellent English,so it shouldn’t be a problem.Good luck. ;)

@Ayla – Were you named after the Ayla from the “clan of the cave bear” books? Always liked her,she was …sexy! lol
Swedish guys in their 20′s are like guys in their 20′s anywhere else.Except they have silly hair and wear 80′s clothes,or are just entering the “waistband of jeans around the knees” stage!
Avoid them like the plague!!

Lmao! I sid “seem like an Essex girl” not “is one!” :))
Proper posh part of cheshire eh? Still makes you Greater Manchester! :P Met girls from those parts in my time.Ever wear white stillettos? lol.
Hmm,an English teacher from the proper posh part of cheshire who wears white stillettos,is “bossy” and at times can act “like a right cow”.
Lordy,my “potential to act like a pornstar” detector is beeping loud and the needle has gone into “overload”! :o
Can i buy you drink too please..mistress? :)

Never met a girl who only accepts one free drink at a time..you’re my new hero! :o
It’s ok hun,just gimme a shout if he wraps himself around a tree or kills some innocent sod and can’t make it. :)

Sorry you’re having a rough time right now hun,keep smiling and i’ll do what i can. ;)

@dano – thank you! Am smiling and feel much better after sorting so stuff today but keep them chuckles a coming please.

@Carlsson – two drinks, woah, think could handle that, just about! Having read your post to Dano now feel even worse about my previous comments. Am really sorry to hear about your fiancee. Puts my woes into context. Am eating humble pie…

I absolutely love this observation and point F “Spend hours analyzing the various ways in which aforementioned text message could be misinterpreted” is personally my favourite one since it sounds familiar even though I am not Swedish (I only look like one).

@Princess
No need to feel bad. What happened is over with, I was just trying to explain myself since my vague posts at first didn’t. So, the fault isn’t yours, or Dano’s but mine.

@Dano
Haha, broken nails can be healed with a kiss and nail clippers. If it was a bad break, then maybe some ice cream. And no apologies needed, I don’t take offense at all. =)

It seems ive got the only non quiet swede in the whole world. My other half is an all singing, all dancing contradiction of the typical swedish man. Its difficult to shut him up. But when it comes to romance he lacks the ability and awareness of what is considered normal.

Attempt at a compliment – ‘I know everyone fancies Elliot from Scrubs, but you’re more like Carla – small and angry and quite scary”
When he proposed to me I got the immortal words “How do you propose? Is it ‘will you marry me…at some point?’ Do you need to HAVE a ring? I should get a ring too or something nice at least”
And I cant forget the vodkagate incident of 2009 when he bought me a bottle of Rusky Standard for my birthday.

Dont expect a swedish man to be good at the romance, but they are sincere and very sweet in their own way.

@Dano – Scrubs is an American comedy show about doctors working in the E.R. Elliot is the lovely blonde & ditzy doctor and Carla is the cute though sassy latina nurse.

@Kiran – It’s the thought that counts… right? ;)

Hi I know Swedish guys like to take their time in establishing relationships, but what is the best way to approach the topic of commitment?

@SteveB – oh dear that sounds all v direct and passionate! Where are you gonna move to for directness and passion…hmmm…I’m thinking…passionately and directly thinking of course!

Wow! There is so much fascinating information on here about Swedish men/culture. I really love “fika”. Even though I live in America, I do not like how people date here. “Fika” makes much more sense to me because you are free to enjoy someone’s company without the pressure of trying to impress them. Dating is so disingenuous because people act differently and there is added pressure.
I want some Swedish friends! As a whole, they sound like they would be great fun to hang out with! ^_^

I have been thinking of what has been posted here about Swedish men and I was wondering, if there are any, what the difference was between the Scandinavian men? Or is what has been said about the Swedes applicable to all the Scandinavian men?

Greetings!
First, I must say I’ve been reading this blog for quite a while – but have yet to ever contribute. I felt that now is a good time to join, and I have enjoyed reading the many entries!
After reading this, I definitely agreed with you. At my university I met a Swedish man (I’m American) and when I first met him I hated him – he was so rude to me, because he couldn’t understand my Swedish. Later on, though, he gave the look. I picked up all the cues I read from here! All these A to Z’s are true – it’s quite hysterical! He is very fashionably dressed (just like his Swedish friends), is very shy, an avid texter, wears tight jeans (but look so good!) and insists on putting salt water into his hair (anyone else heard of this?)
I asked him about the monogamy question stated in other posts, and he acted like I was crazy – he said that doesn’t happen in Sweden, and his parents have been married for about thirty years. They do open up a lot once you get to know them, and they love IKEA to death. Once you nab a Swede, I will say they do make great boyfriends – very affectionate! They do tend to go after foreign girls as well apparently:)
I may be going to Lund/Malmö next year, I’d love to hear anything about that area and the university!

Hi All,

I just read the blogs. It is interesting with more information from individuals heart. I like the way the people expressed their feelings.
About Me:

I am Raj, i am in stockholm for past 2 months. I am asian, i am working as a software engineer. I like to make new friends especially in stockholm who can move with me in understanding each other.

@Irina,

All the best. Express your feelings well. Hope you will get him :-)

@Raj/Sophie

I am back..I had fika with him on his birthday. I made some sushi by myself. I knew I have no courage to say anything when I am facing him, so I wrote him a small note. But I did not even dare to give it to him anyway, just gave him the sushi box in the cafe. Nice fika time only.

He’s 26 now, kind of thoughtful and serious, and can also be very humourous and fun. I think he likes me at least as a friend, but really don’t know whether we can go further.

Well after I told my friends I did not even give him the note they encouraged me to send him a letter. They don’t want to see me guessing and worrying all the time. So I wrote a short letter yesterday, and maybe I will post it today if I have enough courage…Sounds too old-fashioned and outdated, right?

The gay scene is pretty big in parts of Sweden. Take a look at “the local”..Swedens news in English.Down the right hand side you’ll find “Swedens gay nightlife” (it used to be called that anyhow..). It’s a set of 20 or so pic’s taken around gay clubs in the week and at weekends.
(IF…you were being serious that is.)

@Irina

Agree with Ana, enjoy friendship! And probably after a while he’ll think -isn’t it the best girl i ever met? :) So good luck to you.

Additionally, i have a question to those who are already in relationship with Swedes. How can you describe it?
I just think that not only dating culture is slow, r-ship development is veeeery slow as well :D I think they’re gonna just meet for ages before moving together (i don’t even speak about marriage).

@Sophie: I honestly don’t see a difference between Swedish guys and American guys aside from the fact that American guys tend to be a lot more arrogant and impulsive. Besides that, they’re pretty much the same. Not all Swedish guys are gorgeous underwear models. I’ve seen plenty of ugly Swedes that give me temporary blindness, same with Americans, although there are plenty of ugly ducklings there are still heaps of uberly attractive ones.

I don’t think of my boyfriend as Swedish. I think of him as my boyfriend. Since we only speak English to each other most of the time I forget he’s even Swedish at all. I didn’t fall in love with him based on the fact that he is Swedish, he’s just awesome and that type of awesome can exist just about anywhere. Sweden has not patented the ‘perfect guy’ it’s all about chance, fate, etc.

So with that said…

@Nicole: Sure Sweden has some wonderfully nice and attractive manbait but that shouldn’t restrict you from finding that ‘perfect guy’ somewhere else. They’re not just exclusive to Sweden, I’ve met MANY a narcissistic and douchey Swede and those sour grapes are no fun. No matter how much I wanna see them naked ;__;

Am a Swede living abroad.
I must say that this blog post is pretty accurate.

I must also say that Swedish girls are one of the most difficult species to hook up with compared to the american/british women i’ve met.

Hi.
I LOVE this blog. So entertaining & informative.

I have a few simple questions tho, specific. Hopefully a Swedish MALE can help me, but anyone else with experience please assist.

I am an American female & I recently met a Swedish male. I am going to University in California & he is doing a year here from Malmo. <- i don.t have the fancy keys like he does haha.

We have "hung out" a few times because he lives in the same house as my friend from home. He seems really great & I think i like him. Or i am at least interested enough to want to pursue something. I.ve asked some of my (American) friends how do i know if someone likes you as a friend or is attracted to you but i realizeed that maybe American attraction is different from Swedish attraction. Hence why i am on this blog. (LOVE GOOGLE) haha.

Recently, i.ve tried to "flirt"? But i.m not sure how he would take it.
My questions are:

1) Is the gesture of sitting next to him on the couch & putting my legs on his lap taboo? Or just friendly? or romantic? How would a Swedish male interpret that?

2) I invited him to a basketball game at our school on the weekend & he said yes. How would I know if he considered that as me asking him out on a date or just me asking him as a friend, to hang out with me.

3)He volunteered that, while we were watching a basketball game, that while he wasn.t very good, if i wanted to shoot around the court for fun, he would go with me. <- Was that him being forward & asking me out? or just friendly?

4) My friend Kris (who he lives with) & his girlfriend, & I were going out to eat & i invited him to go with us. It ended up being just the 4 of us, 2 guys 2 girls & i wonder if me assuming he thought it was a double date is safe to say? or am i jumping the gun?

I apologize if i seem so lost & stupid. But i.m not really used to having to question simple gestures like these, because most people i am attracted to are easy to read. haha Damn Swedez! <- Kidding, just a joke, Swedish people seem amazing =]

Almost 2 years ago I spent 6 months in Sweden as an exchange student in the university, one guy gave me the look, and after sometime I realized that he has some interest in me, some friends here told me to make the first move and I did. We dated for some time but then I went back home.

I ask him if he wanted to continue with the relation, but he told me that we should better be friends, we have been in touch during all this time. Now I´m back in Sweden for one year, in the beginning I thought that he was just interested in being friends, but after a couple of weeks he’s giving the look again…

Should I wait until he says/do something…after all we already date some time ago…or I should do the first move (again) ?????

Hehe…good point!! if anyway I have to start all over again :P Thanks for the advice Dano :D

Kilika, with all due respect I think what you’re describing is more a product of your personal experiences than a statement about Swedes in general.

“N – Nagging is what girls may feel when the Swedes are unresponsive. It’s okay, give the guys some space and time to write/text you back.”

Rings completely true… but I still can’t get used to it.

I just don’t get the Swedish male. they drop too many hints, flirt, etc. then the next day it’s like nothing happened. so confusing!

Oh really?

Because they are stupid? And I don’t believe that they are leaving them in record numbers. You could say the same for the Swedish men in my group of friends then, Half of them are married to so called “people of color”.

I love my Swedish man, he can provide for me if needed and is very loving, educated and we have been happily married for almost 5 years now. He respects me and my culture which is more than most of those men you list generally does.

Rosann

Heh, I would just ask him if he wanted to become serious. They can be a bit shy about stuff like that.

Rosann, think they are incredibly slow… and the ‘dating’ period for Swedes seems very ambiguous from what I hear/see/experienced. It might not even be a dating period since you see each other so little, chat only through sparse SMSs, and you feel like you have to take initiative. But based on length, you should be dating… However I think it comes down to one of you being more assertive (he as hell isn’t going to be good at it). So you can try, ask to see him more often and see how he responds.

When I met my swede, I didn’t think we were dating until we were well into the relationship. It really did feel as if we were just seeing each other when we had time and we both had completely separate lives, but now I realize things change when I also actually put in some work and not rely only on him to take the initiative. They really don’t open up and voice their thoughts if they had the option not to =P But best of luck to you…

Dunia, mate. Never dip ur pen in the office ink. Leave the company and pursue him afterwards x

Wow, this post is intense! Haha so many people sharing info, it’s awesome.

I’m Australian and not gonna lie, I have a massive thing for Swedes. I’m heading over there next week for the first time and am so unbelievably excited! All that I’ve met are so quiet and polite, and rocking the whole ‘mysterious’ thing. Can’t wait to try my luck, although first thing everyone says is “they’ll know you’re not a natural blonde!” haha!

This post is great for a few tips ;)

Oh I do love this post !!! And I do believe everything which was posted about the swedes…… i had an online “emotional affair” with one….

Thanks all, you also made me laugh a lot :)

Now I know that I have to leave my swede alone and not pushing him. I was wondering if he is really interested at all, as we exchange just a few words from time to time, and I have already told him that I love him, but he seemed not to be too responsive (even when he gives me some hints from time to time).
Thanks for all your blog, and especially this post, now I know what I am doing wrong

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I’m also from the US!

Hi,

Love your blog and all the stories.
Want to sahre my story too…
I have been “seeing” a handsome, and tall 34 year-old Swedish boy for over an year in NYC.
We met in a hotel bar, while he was drinking with friends and completely wasted (he told me afterwards of course, and he didn’t even remember my name next morning) obviously, it started like ‘one night stand’ but we kept in touch, slowly we began ‘seeing’ each other once a week. Sex is awesome, he is very kinky. Normally we only text each other, and I try not to text him too often. At the beginning, I couldn’t make out what our relationship means, because we both travel a lot, sometimes we only see each other once a month.
When we are both in town, we try to spend more time tougher. We spend lots of time at his or my place. He is a typical guy. Super rational, does’t talk about his feelings much. Love watching TV, food, and sex. And he always pays wherever we go, holds my hands when we go out or watch movies. We’ve never really talked about our relationship, because he is going back to Sweden for good very soon. I really like him, and I believe he likes me too.
Should I do something? Or should I just forget him?

reading this has made me feel very really depressed. i quite like scandinavian men but reading this, especially some peoples comments, has upset me.

now its put me off scandinavian men. i get annoyed with all the stereotypes and then idiots maybe only pretending to confirm them. i thought scandinavian men TENDED to be generally nice people.

I’ve been studying in Northern Sweden, now in my second year…and all thru my first year, I have never met a suitable man so this year I thought I’d better expect to be single.

Just when I least expect it, a Swedish friend’s friend started taking interest in me. I wasn’t really interested in him but agreed to spend some one-to-one time with him since he proactively found opportunities to talk to me alone, bold and creative to ask me out and was quite a gentleman when the group of us hung out in the club (I also have been reading this thread and comments in 2010 before I flew over to Sweden to mentally-prep myself, so I know it takes some effort for a Swedish man to do this… or maybe it takes a rare type! haha)

That was 2 weeks ago. I didn’t expect myself to fall for him after the first date. He works so I had to wait 7days before I saw him for our second date, by then I was madly missing him… Initially I was worried about kissing and intimacy (since the culture is largely sex before dating, at least amongst local college students) because I’m South East Asian Chinese. He was been very open with me, keen to know me better, we talked about about our families and even a little about our love histories… and he doesn’t try to split grocery expenses down the middle (we have been cooking for each other at his place for our dates so far). I can tell he would not make physical advances towards me unless I initiate, and he was firm to not hold hands or hug if that makes me uncomfortable… I surprised myself too when I decided to kiss him on our second date, despite knowing myself as the conservative woman who needs more time than usual to trust a man. I guess I feel safety in his honesty and respect for me, and I have a feeling he will make me happy.

It’s not a bed of roses in our two dates, he was late for 15mins the first time and 30mins for the second one, because he was called back for work by clients. I put my foot down in our last date and told him calmly that I was very angry, that unless it’s some devastating event, he can spare half a minute to text me so I know I have control over my time and I will not worry for his well-being.
During our second date, I also noticed he wasted food like egg yolks (all 5 of them, because he did a meringue for dessert) and about half of the rice left over in the pot (he threw it away before my eyes). I told him on the way home and related it to my culture and upbringing, that every grain of rice is impt and that food (like yolks) can be saved for good use.
On both issues, he felt bad, apologized and understood my reasoning… so he will always text me if he is going to be late, and if there’re leftovers, one of us will take it home.

We text each other every 1-2 days… he sends the longest messages I have ever gotten from a guy, like 3-4 regular smses long, to tell me how his day went, what he did, answer qns from my last text and ask how my day went. Of course I hope to hear from him within 12h, but I also respect our personal time and distance… and I have to deal with him working (less time for me), having his own hobbies 2 nights a week and the occasional errand he runs for his parents or fika/party with his friends (havent been introduced yet, we’ve only started dating!).

After reading all the good and bad experiences here, and befriending some Swedes here in the past 1yr+… I didn’t expect to meet someone who shares my values, optimistic and tells I am a good person and a beautiful woman (not sexy, pretty or hot in my previous experiences with men). I have never met a man more compatible and gentle with me… Maybe the big difference was from the very first compliment he paid me: when we first met through a mutual friend, we were all helping to tidy and pack up some belongings, and he told me that he liked how structured and organized I was. I thought that was the strangest statement to make to a lady on first impression, but in retrospect it was the best compliment: I’ve just never been with truly decent men to hear respectful and honest compliments like these.
That statement was very Swedish of him, but I only realized it in retrospect!

Also I realized he might be sociable and verbalizes his questions/opinions readily, he isn’t so expressive with emotions. I am the who says “I missed you”, “I won’t see you for a week? That’s a long time…” and such, and he replies the same when I say so. I guess I still prefer to be the one who says all that more, maybe it’s not entirely a Swedish thing since my Aussie ex was like that too.

It’s his little gestures that warms my heart, but these can be so small and subtle that they can go unseen. For example, in our second date, we were putting on our coats and ready to leave his apartment and we kissed again (couldn’t stop myself once we started! lol). I was holding my bags with my arm, but they slowly slipped from my arm. When we broke from our kiss, he had actually caught the bag that slipped and handed it to me. Thinking back, I think it’s way sweeter than the movies when bags drop to the floor, cos he would be there to catch it. :) I didn’t realize it then, but I do now!

That’s Swedish for you, (my) Northern Swede at least.

Hmm..reading other posts on here, I’m thinking I should elaborate a bit ;) Hopefully someone is reading haha!

I met a huge group of Swedes that are on exchange in my city a couple of times. The most recent time was on a Halloween pubcrawl, where I dressed up as a tourist and actually wore the “I <3 Swedish boys" shirt I bought in Stockholm this summer. It got me noticed by some of the guys, but the one I talked to the most actually didn't notice the shirt until I pointed it out to him. We ended up sitting together on the bus between bars and talking for a long time about school and life, I told him I was going to Swedish House Mafia in London in the summer and he said he was going too. Then when I told him I'd been to Sweden the summer before he told me I should visit again after the show. We really hit it off, I love Swedish culture and hockey so I was showing him these signs I had done up for a hockey game on my phone and he got all excited because my background is two Swedish hockey players, haha :P

Anyway, I added him on Facebook after by finding his name on the pubcrawl event we'd both attended. Waited a week, decided to message him. He answered almost immediately (and for the record, he included another winky face in his reply!) but I didn't notice because it wasn't sent to my phone – so I only answered him again a half hour later. He hasn't answered all weekend, which is understandable because not everyone goes on FB everyday, but it's frustrating waiting. I just want to ask him out!

The thing is he was also hanging out with other girls the night of the pubcrawl…so I can't tell if he's interested. We did have really nice chats that night though. He told me his exchange is over in a month and a half and so I want to show him some typical Canadian things before he leaves. I would ask for his number since texting would be way easier, but I'm not even sure he uses his phone here as I didn't see him on it once on Halloween.

i split with that last Swede, he was scared i would leave him in Sweden and I didn’t agree with his view on monogamy (or the lack of). We’re mismatched, that’s all. Started dating someone else now, also a Northern Swede. I really like how honest, sincere and sweet they are, across all the Swedish guys I know I dun think it matters which part of Sweden they come from. Down to earth, sensitive and respectful. They also generally know how to keep themselves, cook, clean and so on… i find their autonomy wonderful :)
There are “players” among Swedes but when i get to know them better, they’re not that different from other Swedish men. Everyone is looking for the same things, someone to love and be loved in return… maybe the players just need more time to find someone!
I am quite a happy camper now, I’ve found it easier to meet someone compatible here because I don’t have to pick up after, things just get done.

Hey Chantal,
Thanks for keeping us updated! I definitely remembered reading your previous post.

I’m sorry to hear about the phone sex, but hey at least you got to visit Sveeeden!

But, really, hmmm maybe you could just shoot him an email explaining how you feel, and then the ball will be on his court. Maybe if he’s really shy this will give him the opportunity to be frank and open up. Plus, what’s there to lose? the worst thing that could happen is that you just stop talking to him (as it seems you might have made up your mind to do already).
anyway, just a thought!

LH

Ps. this might be probs very different, but I once had this platonic “friendship” with a Dutch guy, and, long story short, I sent him an email about my feelings (in this case explaining why I had acted a certain way), and his response actually surprised me, so you never now!

Swedish guys are no better or worse than other guys when it comes to relationships. I do hear people from other countries tell stores that men dont help out with house chores like taking out trash of doing the dishes, which I personally feel might be lies. I mean rofl who wouldt want a nice home lol just doest make any sense. I do find it hard to beleive it is really that bad. I know some guys are lazy bastards but well as a woman you can always let the sleep on the couch untill they learn ;)

Anyway, swedish guys should be treated with exactly every other logical rule there is. Deny the bastard sex untill he has proven he is actually serious about a relationship, I mean if he really wants you that should not be too hard for him right. Just set the requirement for him straight up and if he bitches and whines well then he is obviously not worth your time.

LH,

Happy 2012!
Thank you for the advise.

I am pretty sure he knows how I feel about him. (he is a very smart guy) I guess he just doesn’t feel the same about me, also he has been single for 8 years… which is a sign that he is not into relationship or wants to be tied down. (He acts like he is only 18 yo sometimes) sigh… :(
I am just going to be his friend now, since we can’t see each other anymore, there is no point to ask him and make it awkward then ruin our friendship… I will accept this as we’re not meant to be.
Maybe a better suited guy will come this year!

Chantal

Hi, I also have a question about Swedish guys, I met one, and after couple of months we had sex. Now I am wondering who should make the first move to text each other? Since in my home country its always guys who do so..

Now, admittedly, I may very well be posting this in the wrong forum. But I seem to be embroiled in a rather interesting quagmire, of which I am desperate to find some understanding.

So, perhaps there is someone here who is willIng to help disentangle me from my ignorance, clarifying some things for me along the way.

Recently, I have met a rather beautiful Swedish lady, even one that is currently taking acting classes with me. For some mysteriously intuitive reason, I have found myself “deeply” attracted to this woman; and one can imagine my surprise when I have learned that she has felt the same about me, despite the fact that we haven’t officially or unofficially spoken to each other at this juncture yet.

As time has elapsed, we seem to have develop an unspoken understanding between each other, eventually becoming scene partners. As we have begun to discuss scenes to work on together, I have started to share some personal things about myself with her, merely to break the ice; and naturally, she seems to have followed suit, revealing some deeply personal things to me as well.

From this moment onward, a genuine friendship between she and I has developed, even one which possesses a deep mutual respect for one another intellectually, emtionally, spiritually and artistically. In fact, we pretty much share the same egalitarian ideas as each other about essentially everything that she and I have discussed so far.

(Now, as an American, even one who has been LONGING to meet a woman like this, it is expedient to mention that I have never encountered a woman like this before, even a lady who understands me, personally, on so many levels; and I will be remiss if I fail to mention that she has both felt and told me the same things about me respectively, noting that she has never opened up to anyone – male or female – like this before.)

Now, naturally, a MUTUAL romantic attraction has begun to develop between she and I, especially considering that we are already attracted to one another on so many levels, including physically.

So, I have decided to inquire into whether she has a boyfriend or lover; and she has been quick to reassure me that she has neither. However, she does mention that about 3 months ago, she has met a guy back home in Sweden who she has been talking to, with whom she has met only 6 times. Also, she states that they write like once a week. She has been in America for 6 weeks now.

So, naturally, I delve deeper into the significance of this person, merely out of sincere respect for the all boundaries of the parties invloved. As a result, she has mentioned that she does NOT love him but that she has been physical (?) or sexual (?) with him, and that she doesn’t know where she stands with him.

In spending time with her, I eventually end up simply kissing her, an act which, according to her, she has enjoyed very much; however, the next day afterwards, she has texted me that she has only wanted to be friends!!!

Astonished, I have responded to her that it has ALWAYS been my understanding that she and I have been just “friends.” (Am I missing something here?)

Apparentlty, she feels as though that “kissing me” has been the closest that she has ever been to “cheating” on a guy, even though she is neither in any official nor unofficial relationship (according to her own words).

So, she says that after kissing me, she has felt badly; and that although she is still very much attracted to me, especially romantically, and although she enjoys my company, that she has “decided” that she is no longer going to “act on her” romantic feelings towards me. In short, she has literally told me that I am “confusing” her, and that it is “impossible” for her to have “ronantic” feelings for two different men.

Now, as an American, this is SUPER perplexing to me. That is, here is a situation where apparently she’s been talking to or “dating” some guy, even a guy whom she views to be “shy” but “there for here.” (I suspect that this guy drinks alcohol or an alcoholic as well – not that either of any significant importance necessairily. But She seems to frequently question whether I drink alcohol recreationally, even though she knows I do not.) Also, notably, she has shared NONE of these personal stories about herself, including her fears, with this same guy.

Nevertheless, I begin to respectfully distance myself from her. However, distancing myself respectfully from her has only drawn her closer to me!

In fact, we seem to be even closer now, hanging out or chatting more so!

As it stands, it seems as though she has “decided” to try to work things with this fellow in Sweden, even though she is uncertain of their realtionship.

Now, in all humility, I am a very confident, vulnerable individual, even one who practices honest self-critique and who welcomes scruitny. So, I like to think that I have at least a little insight into the human condition.

But I am thoroughly perplexed by this beautiful Swedish Lady, even this woman has honestly admitted to “falling for me” but seems to be hesitant about pursing anything with me merely because she feels as though she is being personally “unfaithful,” even to a guy with whom she has no committment to. Go figure.

Now I get “lagom” and “jantelagen.”

But I am utterly confused/nonplused. : (