Saturday nights in Sweden are normally filled with booze, stupid behavior, and downright ridiculously funny antics.
Like the guy who leaves the nightclub so drunk that he pees next to a police car (true story). Or a bouncer who punches a potential customer because he’s pissed off. Or the fact that a friend drinks so much alcohol, he’s not quite sure how he got home at 7am wearing someone’s cowboy hat.
Every once in a while though, the debauchery comes to you, first class, to your front door. Saturday night, Þorbjörn and I were hanging out at home since I wasn’t feeling too well. Around 11pm someone starting banging on the door. Seriously BANG BANG BANG, desperation or pissed-offness is on the other side.
Þorbjörn went to answer the door while I stayed in the living room. I could hear two people: one youngish sounding male and one female voice, one that an old fat lady would have.
Then in a funny semi-deepish voice “hej, jag vet att detta kommer låta lite märkligt, men skulle jag kunna få låna din toalett? Jag är väldigt, väldigt kissnödig” – basically “hi, i know this sounds a little strange, but can i borrow your toilet? I really really need to pee.”
Before I knew it, some strange guy was peeing in our bathroom (presumably in the toilet) and the other, the funny sounding fat lady was telling Þorbjörn jokes. Evidently they came from the party upstairs and were too stupid to use the toilet before leaving. After coming down one flight of stairs, peeing was imminent.
After the Swedish guy’s relief, they both took off. Þorbjörn returned and noted that was completely bizarre. I asked about the fat lady and he looked at me funny.
Him: “What fat lady?”
Me: The girl you were talking to?
Him: “Ohhh, that was a skinny Swede who sounded like he had no balls.”
Him: “Yea, and I couldn’t understand the Norwegian, except that he was desperate to pee. I figured we should lend him our toilet.”
Good idea, nothing beats a terrible night then a Swede with a fat lady voice and Norwegian that is desperate to pee.