Do you have Swedish friends and wonder their behavior is strange or just Swedish? What makes Swedes different from the other Europeans? And if you are visiting or just moved to Sweden, what should you know about them?
- Swedish men are shy. It will take some time to speak to one, especially if you don’t know him. Swedish guys that you know, through the office or elsewhere, are easier to deal with. It’s said that even Swedish girls can be shy too.
- Like water is to plants; alcohol is the same to Swedes. If you meet a guy at a party, give him an extra beer, it’s sure to liberate his speaking ability. For that matter, give a girl an extra beer too.
- Swedes are passive, both the men and women. Many can even be passive aggressive because they do not like to vocalize issues. They prefer to avoid conflict at all costs.
- They can be direct. Going completely against #3, Swedes are ironically direct people. However, their directness can be subtle and hard to read. For example, if your manager says to ‘get a little more work done,’ what they mean is ‘you’re in the dump right and really need to kick ass at work.’ You could say that in some ways this quiet directness is similar to being passive aggressive. It takes time to read them.
- Social systems are closed. In many European societies, making friends is difficult, almost painful at times. Becoming friends with Swedes and joining their social circles is arduous. Most Swedes hang out with friends from gymnasium (high school) or college and have a tight, small social network. Hanging out with coworker Swedes, is rare. However it is possible to make lots of friends as a newcomer.
Here are a few options to making new friends:- Join a company which is international and has many foreign employees;
- Join a small but new company that is also part Swedish and part foreign employed;
- Attend clubs or general expat events. This option is dangerous because you could end up with lots of other foreign friends and forget about the Swedes. But, there are always a few Swedes at these mixers, find those folks and chat them up.
- Find activities that you used to do in your home country and do them in Sweden too! Yoga classes, ballroom dancing, knitting, gym, sailing, belly dancing, and much more. Don’t mope at home hoping for friends to magically appear or be depressed by TheLocal forum group; get yourself out there and you will start to meet new people.
- Seek out some good Swedish online communities to learn more about Sweden and make virtual friends that can hopefully transcend into reality.
- Swedes do not like to be late. I love to be late, it is my motto; I just am unable to get myself to parties exactly on time. Dinner plans or coffee dates, I will be there, otherwise, forget it. Still, in Sweden, you do not go anywhere late. Their motto is to be punctual, so stick to it.
- Swedes are stylish. They are not the drop dead fashionistas of Paris or Rome, but the Swedes have their own ultra modern, sleek style. Swedish households say it all, gorgeous and beautifully decorated. Be prepared, being stylish in Sweden is expensive. There’s a reason why Nordiska Galleriet (not NK) charges 10.000SEK (approx $1,300) on a wrought-iron chair. However, I have to say, their clothing fashion reeks of the 80s too much.
- In Sweden, people have no desire to give better service. We all know it: Swedes suck at customer service. Restaurants, shops, airline counters, you name it and they will give you no service. It is not case of bad service, you just get no service. I understand now that for many Swedes, they consider too much customer service as intrusive. And Swedes can be annoyed when asked “Can I help you find something?,” “Do you want another drink?”, while Americans expect that kind of questioning from service professionals. But sometimes I wonder, can’t people just smile more? Is it that hard to communicate with others. There’s a lot of discussions that Swedes do things on their own, but mammal societies are socially based. Why would we want to move backwards and become more unsocial?
- Silence is golden. It is okay to not speak every second of every moment. Porbjorn and I sometimes sit at the breakfast table silent for 10-15 minutes before either one of us speaks. If your Swedes seems unusually quiet, they are not mad or annoyed at you, they just enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.
- Swedes love nature. Sweden is a beautiful country and they take great pride in taking care of the natural landscape. If you have a day off, you will walk around the city or go hiking, but never stay indoors. Most Swedes seem to have Swedish summer houses, a place to relax and get away from bustling life. I admire that they take nature seriously and it is even evident in recycling habits.
- They love potatoes and herring. I don’t like herring but I do love potatis med graddfil!
- Fika is a religious experience.Everyday of the week, Swedes love coffee, love kakor (cake), and love to talk (they can!) in a profound experience called the fika. You cannot get away from and you cannot live without. Consider it to be a high end coffee break with the icing on top too.
And there you have it! What else should we know about Swedes?
Don’t forget we tend to plan everything we do at least 4 days in advance as well :). Actual spur of the moment things are quite rare to occur when you encounter swedes (heck we even plan which bar to go to on a Friday at the Monday morning fika at the workplace).
Another thing to know is that if you are invited to a party/barbecue usually you have to bring your own food and drinks, probably your host will offer some dessert and coffe but only that.
About point 5 I agree that it can be hard to make friends in Sweden, basically you have to approach little by little until they start to feel comfortable with you…but this can take some time, be patient.
since i’ve faced many of these points in making friend process, i could agree with almost most of them. it was pretty tough though at first cuz our culture(persians) is totally different than Sverige’s culture.
totally ok with everything, but I have to say that incredibly (according to what you say) I had a really good customer service. Always helpful, smiling at me and they even refilled my glass without asking at the restaurant!
nothing but i’m tired of this icon!
you still need to work on it!
I´m american and have been told that i should not try to speak to women on the street?? I´m in Goteborg. Is this a no – no here?
I hate to break this to you, but I can see 12 items instead of 10 :)
To Scott: That’s true, speaking to strangers on the street is considered odd in Sweden. The women will only think of you as intrusive and strange, with very very few exceptions. Swedes have a hard time trusting other people, until we get a feel for who you are we’re scared of you. You could be a crazy stalker, rapist or serial killer for all we know. It probably sounds ridiculous to you (and I admit it is) but somehow this is where we’re at, we are extremely careful. Most Swedes agree that our behaviour is exaggerated, but we don’t really know how to change it. A conversation on the street will not be enough to assure us.
Swedes are, however, assured by the following:
*Mutual acquaintances.
*Alcohol (not if You get drunk on the street naturally, but if they are drunk and if you are in at a club/bar/party)
*Mutual venue (meaning: the same class/workplace/dance-class etc. Any closed space where it is certain that you will run into each other for a longer period of time. Public transportation is NOT included.)
*Kind-looking dogs. If you are out walking with your Labrador we see your caring side. There is even a Swedish movie called “The Dog Trick”. In this case, it could be alright to talk to a stranger, but do not ask them personal questions (like phonenumber) unless the conversation is going really well. Instead, try walking the same rout everyday and talk to this person several times before you ask something more personal.
*Babies/small children. Works the same way as the dog trick.
*Kind looking friends. If you walk out from a group of kind-looking people to talk to a stranger, they will see that you are normal, social and liked. If you walk out from a group of people with bomberjackets and shaved skulls (or something similar), this will have the opposite effect. If any kind of group is laughing, you will scare the Swede away as well.
Good luck :P!
I just finished reading through your entry and not only was it enormously entertaining, but also eye-opening to the sorts of things to expect. It is my hope to study abroad in Sweden in a year’s time.
I have a Swedish boyfriend and I must say there is a lot of truth in what you say. In effet, it takes time to gain the confidence of Swedish guys but once they get to know you, they are friendly,caring and always respect your opinions.
For the social systems, I don’t think it is that close. I have talked to many Swedish people on the net and eventually met 2 of them. Once you show that you make an effort to understand and appreciate their culture, they will even propose you to join their social network.
The fika…? Yeah, drinking coffee is really part of the Swedish culture. You cannot get away from that :P The customer service isn’t necessarily bad but it isn’t as exaggerated as in North America. They will help out with kindness and courtesy but they won’t stay around you all the time.
And… for the silence, yes, it is true. They can sometimes seem absent and not talk to you when you are around but it is just in their calm nature.
I hope my comments can help people understand better the Swedish culture and improve relationships with their Swedish boyfriends/girlfriends if anyone wonders! :)
Most of the things you have said are true! :)
Smek – you’re so right. I have trouble counting from 1-10, hardest numbers ever. ;)
Thank you Jen and Michela for the comments.
Tyler – I hope you have the opportunity to come to Sweden. You will enjoy it here!
1 and 5 are so so so so so right!!!!
Hi, i’m planning to visit sweden soon with my boyfriend and I will like to know what we should go, what we have to see, to really understand Sweden. We don’t want to go where their’s only tourist, even if he really want to go to the Absolut Icebar. We’re planning on going to Malmo and Stockholm.
They say Swedes don’t complain.Which is probably why,when returning clothing or whatever,they look at you as though you have 3 heads!
My swedish girlfriend complains all the time…and not just about me!So i don’t know how true this is.
I’m English and have lived in Skåne for 2 years.I don’t speak Swedish but i have Swedes come over to me to talk all the time,from little kids,to bikini clad hotties in the 18-30 age range,to old couples.
What’s my technique?
Simple – i’m one of the very few people in Sweden who metal detect all the popular beaches down here!
Swedes may be shy and reserved,but wander along a beach in headphones and waving a metal detector around..and all that vanishes as burning curiosity kicks in,lol.
Sigh..if i were 20 years younger i’d run amok around here! :P