Milk and Cookies Boys … The Nice Guys

Milk and cookies boys was a term coined up back in high school by my friend Miss Jade.  A milk and cookie guy is someone essentially who loves his mom, helps out in the housework, has female friends that are just friends, cleans up after himself, enjoys chatting and shopping with chicks, and respects women.

In some ways Swedish boys seem to fit the description to a tee.  After all these years of searching for the elusive, yet tasty, milk and cookies guys, there is an abundance of them in Sweden.  Had I been looking in all the wrong places all these years or the concept of the nice guy, blasted too harshly by American media, was an endangered species? Are American men overrun by social stigmas of nice guys finishing last?   Or do Swedes do what they see right and in return, many follow the “nice guy” routine (though not finishing last)?

With that said, most girls want a milk and cookies guy in the long run but just can’t date them in the short run. It is the bad boy attitude women love. Girls do not love the nice boy next door, because he’s just too tame and boring. Or he’s just too nice. Bad boys treat girls like crap and yet, we will do whatever for them.  Bad boys are the devilish chocolate cakes:  loaded with creme, chocolate curls on the frosting, cherries, calories, and the guilty aftermath feeling.

What we like about the triple layered chocolate cake boys:

  • confidence and a high self esteem (like whipped cream)
  • know how to compliment (cherries on the top)
  • love to party and know how to have fun (three layers of chocolate cake)
  • have balls (creme between the cake layers)
  • can play the game (frosting on the cake)
  • act gentlemanly at bars and at dinner (chocolate curls on the frosting)

The problem with the milk and cookies boys:

  • shy (sugar)
  • lack confidence to ask a girl out (flour)
  • cannot flirt well (vanilla)
  • too sweet and nauseating at times (eggs)
  • easily run over by a woman (baking powder)
  • boring (vanilla)

I met the definition of a nice guy in Sweden sometime back. He was just so nice that I was honestly bored out of my mind. Bored! He would make a lovely husband, but his personality was too nice, like a unicorn, I felt doing any serious craziness would kill him. Like in Harry Potter, killing a unicorn is the most vile act possible. Like this guy, a super duper nice Swedish guy, I would have killed him out of boredom. And yet he would be a highly eligible bachelor: nice, smart, educated, on the right path. All the right things.

But I digress, the point is, he was THE milk and cookies guy and I totally didn’t care for him.

If the nice boys just got some balls and style, we would have chocolate chip oatmeal cookies instead of butter cookies.  They are tasty and sweet and don’t pack the guilt like devil’s chocolate cake.  Þorbjörn, the boyfriend/sambo, fits in the M&C category but more as a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie.  He has some flair and a strong personality but his head is screwed on straight and he’s definitely a homeboy cuddler.

piggelin ice cream
piggelin ice cream
Oh yes, and a Piggelin is an ice cream stick with a pearish flavor – it’s totally strange Swedish artificialness.

15 thoughts on “Milk and Cookies Boys … The Nice Guys”

  1. M&C guys finish last until the ladies realize the calories that the “triple layered chocolate cake boys” bring. Then they realize how yummy “milk and cookies boys” are. Even better when you warm the milk up. ;)

    M&C guys ftw!

  2. Being nice (or being a M&C guy if you will), romantic and so on is good, you should do that, and it will get you far with the girl. But it will only get you right up to the edge if you don’t backup your words and signs of affection with physical acts that show her you like her. Do it at the right time, when she is looking at you with a smile, as if she is waiting for something – that’s your cue. Find the balance between non-physical and physical. Be smooth and don’t rush it. And remember – don’t wait too long. If you see that she likes you – go all-in, kiss her. Or you either going to be just a friend to her wondering what could have been or loose your mind waiting for her to decide whether she wants to be more than friends.

  3. @what the what – americans are always honest ;)

    @andrew – yea, it’s like buyer’s remorse, except it’s calorie remorse. i love to dip my cookies in warm milk. hehe.

    @sammy – i agree, there’s that point of no return between friendship and “more than friends.” hoping to be more than friends and ending up as friends is a major kick in the arse. and yah, being a nice guy that doesn’t back up the affection with something physical, will just not get anywhere.

  4. It’s amazing how foolish western women are when it comes to relationships.

    You think the world exists just to entertain you and you’re selfish whims.

    The future doesn’t belong to you, you fool.

    You better wake up and discard your Feminist brainwashing.

    Hint: Study demographics. It’s happening right in front of your face.

    Why do Western Women hate their biology and love spinsterhood so much?

  5. @J Kett: I’m Asian (living in Asia, not American-born anything), and I don’t really see anything overtly feminist in Sapphire’s post. It’s true in a sense, the milk and cookie boys tend to be… nice. Occasionally you do get the few who stand out, but they’re nice companions. Rarely ever do they make your heart race. I’ve dated Asians – Chinese, Indian, Malay… and it’s the same in every culture, really. Nothing to do with westernization.

    I’ve been told I’ve a very strong personality, so I tend to dominate the milk and cookie types. That’s why I like my boys to have a dark chocolate streak ;)

  6. “can play the game (frosting on the cake)”

    Why play games? Isn’t that just a sign of immaturity? I’d try to stay away from women who want me to “play the game”.

    “act gentlemanly at bars and at dinner (chocolate curls on the frosting)”

    Isn’t that just a euphemism for “I am a woman so cheap that I want someone else to pay for my expenses”? That would make all the warning lights go off in this man. NOT a good way to attract a man unless you want him to regard you as his personal property or sophisticated prostitute. Or do you mean opening doors, pulling out chairs, and the like? If so, then I agree with you.

  7. @Chica – Good for you!

    @Peter – I meant more of the courteous aspects: opening doors, letting a woman order first, pulling out chairs, etc.

    And maybe, playing the game is wrong, but everyone does it, and if you don’t then you’re stuck outside the ballpark watching the fun. I tried avoiding playing games with guys but it just didn’t really work out… then I met a Swede. Guess that is the trick.

  8. No, playing games is a western thing. Just like some cultures don’t kiss. And I find game playing a waste of time and creates unnecessary drama. I have enough problems in my life to have to deal this kind of crap such as the girl playing passive aggressive, throwing random tantrums, shit tests and I’m suppose to magically read her mind to know what is wrong or how to “pass”. Relationships aren’t suppose to be games for entertainment or drama. Some of these American women must lead really bored lives to want to have this kind of crap going on.

    If you want the bad boy John Q. Thug thing going on go right ahead, just don’t cry about it when he cheats on you afterwards when he’s bored with you. To many women friends I know enter abusive relationships, course none of them listen to reason. They beat on them, cheat, get in trouble with the law, who in their right mind would want to stay with someone like that. It blows my mind.

    I’ve dated a couple women such as yourself that thrive on the bad boy persona. While the sex and initial chemistry was great, everything else just slid down. They constantly tried to push my buttons to get me going. While it was kind of amusing within the first 2 months it just drove me batshit annoyed afterwards. Every small thing had to turn into a confrontation, and I simply didn’t have the energy anymore to put up with it.

    I have studyed in Sweden on a couple of occasions for a short time and worked with a couple Swedes I agree with you when you say Swedish guys can be very quiet, reserved, sometimes seemingly cold, boring if you want to put it that far. But who cares, these guys are nice, easy to get a long with and most important to me, reliable. In school, they always turned up at study sessions, were more then happy to share notes. At work, they never slack off, they come on time, and always come through with the work they’re assigned.

    I don’t know why western females are so self destructive when it comes to wanting relationships. Now when men are changed to be more sensitive, emotional, caring etc.. now the women want the bad dude again. Well sorry but in life you can’t have everything. But at the end of the day, when it comes to picking between the bad boy and the nice Swede, you know the Swede will be there for you at the of the day. With the bad boy, its nearly guaranteed he’ll be gone by morning.

    It kind of sickens me thinking that western women want to dick around with the bad dudes then marry the nice guys afterwards and then they have to put up with all their extra baggage (and in some cases I’ve heard learned from friends where husbands raised kids that didn’t know the kid wasn’t theirs).

    As for me, I’m going out with a half-Swede, half-German girl and so far (8 months its been since we started going out) everything has been smooth sailing. She’s nice, intelligent, very educated, cultured and she doesn’t play games. She returns phone calls when she says she will, if she has a problem with me, she tells me about it and I do something about it. If I don’t agree its a problem, I try and compromise with her until we’re both satisfied and the relationship feels like an equal relationship not a constant power struggle.

    Bottom line, I think you need to give the milk and cookie Swede guys the respect they deserve. I used to be quiet, shy, and very reserved so I can relate with them, hence why I decided to bloat your comments section with this overly long rant. If they’re shy, have you tried bringing them out of their shy shell, at least tried talking to them about it? Try doing something fun with them, or something that’ll bring their manly confidence up such as getting them to do something that they’re good at. Sports, mechanics, cooking etc… Thats what one of my ex’s would do. I was quite the quiet/unconfident type, but I am very open minded. So she’d take me to social functions with her friends, and of course that would force me to talk to her friends and eventually I started warming to people. I am awesome at cooking so she’d somewhat pretend at being a bad cook so she could get me to cook. I cook a fantastic meal, she showers me with affection, some good sex afterwards and my ego just skyrockets.

    As confidence goes up, so does flirting.

    Then a woman shouldn’t try and run over another man. It’s easier to be an asshole and I feel takes more strength to forgive or help. I don’t like the thought of women taking advantage of another man simply because she can. What happened to respect. It just might be his normal personality to be very unrelenting.

    Anyways, after running into your blog I’d have to say the biggest truth of your blog is the fact that when I lived in Sweden for awhile, everybody always complained about the weather.

  9. The problem with this notion of 2 seperate types of guys is that all guys cant be defined as one or the other. It just isnt that simple. Ill use myself as an example. I love my mom, have very good manners, have platonic friends (im actually quite tired of having platonic friends.) I to this day dont have much of an idea how to begin to “play the game” nor do I know what the game is. Im to the point “have balls”. Im very confident. Im not great at flirting but im not bad at it. Im very polite and friendly, but confront me or disrespect me and I turn into satan himself. I become the meanest person ive ever met.
    There you have a mixture of the two seperate lists of attributes for nice guys and bad boys. I believe the trick is (it sucks that there has to be a trick to it, goes to show how ridiculous women are) to be a douchebag at first and then slowly reveal kindness. Honeslty, id love to go back to the caveman days where you could hit a woman over the head and throw her over your shoulder.

  10. @ Joe and A.R:

    I had to laugh at your posts, even though I am reacting nearly a year too late. You have both hit the nail on the head! I have known girls to have boyfriends I would have given my right arm to have and they really didn’t appreciate them. Also used them because they could. I think these Swedish men sound so great! I love the idea of them being reliable, punctual and that they help. I am going to go and study in Sweden with any luck. Hopefully I will meet some of these nice Swedish people!

  11. So what guy is the white-choclate covered oreo?
    Is he the white guy acting all black but he really is white on the inside? Or is it the black guy dressing all white and thats really white on the inside?
    Shed some light please cookie-guru!

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