I asked a Swedish guy friend of mine about his thoughts about Swedish girls and interacting with them on dates. Surprisingly, or not, Swedish girls are quite similar to American girls when it comes to certain dating interactions.
Here are his thoughts, as a male Swede, how women act and what we all can learn.
When Swedish guys speak to girls, there is sometimes a very fine line between being effective, or just plain dull. Swedish guys, in general, are effective when it comes to the vocal way of transmitting information (voice over air) and do often keep their conversation short and to the point. Also, they very seldom involve feelings or any other subject related to themselves.
However girls are the opposite; the whole situation is turned upside down. Girls can discuss their inner feelings, heart to soul discussions for endless hours, over a single cup of coffee. Women, different from the guys, always discuss their feelings with others, getting feedback, analyzing, analyzing the feedback etc. etc.. Guys figure out their feelings when alone, and based on the decision or conclusion, communicates the result – and the result only.
So. What happens when one person from each species are put together, sitting on one side of a table, facing each other? This situation often also involve candles, and to make the story even more characteristic, these two persons barley know each other. Pressure and tension are flowing through the air, together with excitement and a slice of romance and if sex is removed from the picture, both of them have certain expectations of the evening, but probably (during this very moment) in different ways or aspects.
Girls love to be entertained and getting a guy’s full attention. Guys love to see a girl laughing and having a good time – but neither of them do have any kind of clue of how to reach that particular goal.
Well well, the conversation starts.
During the conversation, and especially the initial phase, there are some basic things to avoid.
What men should avoid doing in a conversation with women:
1. Bragging. Dating (even though the word sucks), is about getting to know someone. During the initial phase of a conversation both persons are almost (or could sometimes be) complete strangers to each other, which make both of them quite nervous. To make oneself more secure and not to show himself weak, a guy could easily start bragging about different parts of or possessions in his life – usually this transfers to cars and / or money. The girl is not usually very impressed.
2. Too curt. As mentioned during the very first sentence of this post, guys are often very effective during their conversations. This is totally okay when speaking to a person of the same gender, but does not go very well when trying to speak to a girl. Even though the guy does not mean any harm, short and very constructive answers can sometimes be taken as him not willing to share himself with others (i.e. being very closed up). The girl could sometimes get very offended and / or hurt.
3. Over doing things. This point is closely related to bragging, but covers another area of guys not willing to show their insecure feelings, and instead tries to cover it up by overdoing other things instead. Overdoing something could be anything from laughing in a obvious artificial kind of way, to showing off his skills, “drinking 3 beers within one minute.” After a couple of these maneuvers the guy is in great danger of being put in the jerk-zone, and the girl not answering his text-messages during the following day.
Ok. But what could girls avoid, or at least try to? Well from a guys point of view there is at least one thing.
1. Do not make up your mind during the first 5 minutes – Please.
2. Help him help you. As mentioned, guys love to entertain girls and get to know them – we really do, but as we are quite different from girls it takes some time for us to “get into the mood”. As a metaphor, this could be seen as a blind man trying to cross a very busy street – it will take him some time, and will almost die a million times, but will eventually succeed. In the beginning, a guy could be close of doing all three of the mistakes mentioned above, but will eventually settle down and show of his real deal. He will also (slowly but steady) figure out how to communicate, and the girl should be willing to step out and help him over at least half the busy street.
As a last point to this post, please note that no alcohol has to be consumed during the conversation, even though Swedish guys are more easily persuaded to talk when a few beers or glasses of wine have been put into the system.
“Alcohol is the cause of, and solution to all problems,” but not the originator of true love.
Well put, so what are you thoughts Swedish guys out there? What should and shouldn’t we do while on a date?