To find a Swede, don’t look in Sweden
June 23, 2008
It is a mantra I hear from many girls, even Swedish expatriate girls. A greater oxymoron could not be found; to find a Swedish boy…I must *not* look in Sweden? Yes, that is the theory. From all the women I know that have Swedish boyfriends, none of them meet them in Sweden. These Swedes were studying, traveling, working abroad when the women encountered them. Why is that? Why is it so hard to meet a Swede in Sweden *and* stick together.
Some ideas…
When in Rome. It is the case for any person removed out of his natural environment to attempt to blend with the new one. It is a tricky situation cross blending the traditional environment (the one in which he grew up) and the new one. Most Swedes I met in the US were extremely open and friendly. They wanted to meet others, travel, and integrate into American society. At parties, I would notice they would chat up girls, flirt, and if they really pushed themselves, obtain a phone number.
Alter egos. Moving or traveling to a new place allows one to change his persona. What better way to start a new life then to be someone where no one knows you. In societies that encourage individuality, this is the perfect wayto recreate yourself. Didn’t hit on girls in bars before because your friends would laugh their asses off? Those friends aren’t here now, so do what you want.
Exoticism. Face it, the gender you are interested in your home country gets boring after a while. Seeing a lifetime of blonds or brunettes is tiring. In a new place, the native folks are now the exotic ones. It is probably a reason why British girls dig Swedish boys, Swedish boys dig Italian girls, and Italian girls dig American boys (okay maybe not true for these particular cultures but you get the point).
What does this have to do with the Swedish boys? They seem to flourish out of their native environment. A short respite from an egalitarian, equality controlled world. Whether they are in the US or France or Brazil, their new world is nothing like Sweden. They are probably more confident to do things previously never thought of before. And since, a Swede in the US is not an American in the US, they provide the exotic factor too.
The question to all the ladies out there then, how did you meet your Swede? where? who made the moves?
And for the Swedish boys out there, how did you end up with a foreign partner? And if you’re completely offended by my thoughts, I would love to hear your rants. =)
Entry Filed under: dating in sweden, dating swedish men, relationships, world. Tags: relationships, find a swede, date the swede, when in rome, swedish boys, alter ego.
22 Comments Add your own
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed
1.
Mo | June 23, 2008 at 9:03 pm
USA, Arkansas state university, fall semester 2006. We both were exchange students (me from France , him from Sweden)
I was scared to leave my family for so long, to go so far … turned out.. best idea ever… 
2.
Joy | June 24, 2008 at 1:18 am
I met my Swedish boyfriend on a Trek America trip to Alaska.
There is still some controversy over who made the first mood, but there was alcohol involved. I claim he put the arm around me and that we kissed mutually. He claims that the arm around me had nothing to do with anything and that I took advantage of him with my American New Yorker aggressiveness. Regardless, we were together the rest of the trip and after saying have a nice life after we left each other at the end of the trip, we continued our relationship through email, and skype and several trips back and forth. Its almost a year and we are still together despite being on different continents. He’s wonderful!
3.
Jaqueline | June 24, 2008 at 6:04 am
I met my swed in France. We were both studying french and ended up becoming the best of friends. I still hope for something more….we’ll see. He’s back in Sweden now, and I’m back in the states. I think this entry is very insightfull!!!! Now the next one needs to be “landing the swed of you dreams, even if he lives far away….”
4.
smek this! | June 24, 2008 at 2:01 pm
The most adventurous Swedes are abroad. They are probably otherwise more interesting too. I’d assume.
5.
Melanie | June 24, 2008 at 7:41 pm
My Swede moved to the US when he was 12 and has been here ever since. We went to university together and met through mutual friends. He didn’t know I liked him until one of our mutual friends smacked him over the head with the knowledge, then he rambled about not wanting to ruin our friendship, and then he kissed me. Talk about mixed signals, but we’re still together five years later.
6.
Sapphire | June 24, 2008 at 8:46 pm
These are such awesome stories! thank you all for sharing! I look forward to hearing from more ladies…and hopefully some Swedish boys?
calling þórbjörn calling þórbjörn…
7.
Gus | July 5, 2008 at 3:32 pm
So Swedes in Sweden aren’t open and friendly and they don’t want to meet people and travel? And here in Sweden nobody talks up girls at parties? OK… So by your reasoning no one in Sweden would have any friends or girlfriends/boyfriends, wifes(husbands. The Swedish people would have since long been dead if the reality would have been like you’re describing it. Here’s my “rant” or rather just my humble opinion. Remember that you were living in Stockholm which may be the capital of Sweden but no the capital of open and friendly people… The rest fo Sweden is nothing like Stockholm, at all levels.
8.
R | July 16, 2008 at 5:51 am
I met a very nice Swede through my work last summer (in the U.S.). We stayed in touch and a year later he very bluntly hit on me (via e-mail), then I traveled a couple thousand miles for a rendezvous, in which I had to make the first physical move. I find the shyness (or play-acting shyness) endearing. hehe
9.
R | July 16, 2008 at 6:10 am
After reading my comment, I realized that if I had traveled so far for an American dude and had to make the first move, I would have been pissed. There’s something about the allure of the language barrier…the weird way it makes things charming…
10.
Sapphire | July 17, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@Gus- You raise a good point…my main reference is Stockholm, which by ways of many readers is very different from the other cities in Sweden.
BUT, there is a certain strange element to the Swedish mating rituals. Yes, the generations continue and the Swedes procreate, but the dance is different. It may work for Swede-Swede but Swede-foreigner is very different.
@R- Very much so! The culture/language barrier makes life much more exciting. We are willing to do a lot more for our mate of a different culture than someone who is the same. If I moved across the country for an American fellow, I would be pissed off to.
Those Swedish boys have that je ne sais quoi allure.
11.
dish | August 7, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Well, I was not looking for a Swede or a boy at the time (isn’t that the way it works?) but we met in Amsterdam…. After dating long distance (US-Holland-Sweden), I moved to Sweden a year ago and we got married last month. Life has never been the same. Or as good.
Cheers.
=)
12.
Chase | August 14, 2008 at 12:20 am
I met my Swede in college last semester and he basically told a couple people he liked me so thats how we got to talking. He was very sexy, sweet and kind. He wasn’t very shy. sooooo sexy, im so hott for swedish boys now! Tack!
13.
Sapphire | August 14, 2008 at 2:37 pm
@dish- Congrats…that is quite wild, a true relationship spanning the globe.
If we can pry, how was your wedding like? Was it Swedish/American…something else. How is living with a Swede different from living with an American?
@Chase- Haha! Would you share more information about how long you two have been together, what drives you crazy about him? What is very Swedish about him? =)
14.
dish | August 18, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Sapphire – thanks! The wedding was great. It was held in Spain (because we own a villa there) and was attended by 50% Swedes/other Europeans and 50% Americans. The Swedish wedding ‘order’ is very similar to the American wedding so we didn’t need to do much negotiating on details. Smile. We were married in a Catholic church by a Swedish priest who performed the ceremony in English (as you know, the majority of Swedes speak perfect English so this was the best for all the guests).
Yeah, Swedish boys are different in many ways from American boys but also the same. My honey went to high school and university in the states so is very “westernized” – so to speak. Since most of our ‘dating’ was in a country other than Sweden I feel like he doesn’t necessarily fit into the Swedish dating stereo-types I hear about.
Keep the entries coming – it’s definitely interesting discussions.
Cheers. Dish
15.
Single guy | October 6, 2008 at 10:54 pm
It’s a very intresting discussion. I was in the US for about a year ago and I find it easier to talk to american girls than girls here in Sweden. You american girls are more open and if the girl are more open I am more open and more comfortable and it’s easier to understand the signals you girls are giving.. Now I don’t know if this happend because I was more open because I was in the US..
I read in another post that the swedish guys doesn’t make compliments to girls. I don’t make compliments to a girl before I know she is ready for that and understand that I really mean it. Thats because swedish grils get lots of attention all the time so that they just wave the compliment away, it just go thru them, beacause they hear it almost every day.
sorry for poor english
/Staffan
16.
Chica | October 17, 2008 at 11:46 am
I met my Swede when he was briefly in my country (Malaysia) while touring Asia with friends. He’s absolutely gorgeous, and very sweet. I don’t know if it’ll continue past what we had here, but I certainly hope it does! He’s got a couple of countries left on his list still. I’m planning to traipse around Europe next year in July or August, and coincidentally (?), he says he is too. Can’t wait!
Contrary to a lot of what I’ve read here, he approached me first, and later on, made the first move. I wouldn’t really say he flirts… he’s actually refreshingly polite and gracious and shy (no cheesy lines, woohoo!), but he made the moves that counted, and I’m definitely not complaining
Then again, it could be as smek said… “The most adventurous Swedes are abroad.”
17.
Sapphire | October 23, 2008 at 12:05 pm
smek is a smart fellow. the most adventurous do tend to travel abroad.
do you still hear from him?
@steffan- thank you for posting! i really like hearing from the other side. american girls are easier to talk to but i think we are more difficult to deal with…do you have other observations?
18.
Chica | October 24, 2008 at 8:35 am
Yes, smek is.
They’re in Australia right now, so I haven’t really spoken to them. We chatted briefly on Facebook when we were on at the same time coincidentally, but that’s about it. Otherwise, no real contact. It could be that they’ve got their hands full traveling, so I’ll wait til they return to Sweden and see if he resumes contact then. No sense in driving myself nuts right now!
19.
Miami | November 25, 2008 at 12:14 am
I met my Swede when he was studying abroad at my home university. We were introduced months before we spotted each other at a college bar, and even though we disagree on who approached who first (I say he was staring me down and invading my space to the point where I had to say something to him…) we sat down to talk that night and we have been best friends ever since. It’s been a year now, and I agree with much of what I have read so far on this site: sometimes talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, you get nothing back. He’s very shy and quiet, and very slow to open up. But he’s also incredibly insightful, intelligent and the kindest person that I have ever met. My life is completely different now that I have met this man from a country I never thought twice about, and I am looking forward to learning all about his culture and language when I visit Stockholm in December.
20.
oaklandisk | December 10, 2008 at 1:11 am
I’m a Swedish guy who met his (immigrated-to) American wife in Sweden, see it happens! She was there on a study abroad program and we met, not at a bar or social event, but the local discount supermarket. I must have been in a particularly good mood that day, smiling inwardly to myself. But if the onions hadn’t looked so old and picked-over, I’m not sure there would have been a conversation in the first place. The actual hooking-up involved some alcohol, no use in denying that.
After she returned to California at the end of her year abroad, we maintained a long-distance relationship for some years, but 11 years ago I landed here and we’ve lived in California since then.
We’re thinking about moving to Sweden together now, but I find the project kind of daunting and worry that the changes will be bigger and not always as positive as she imagines…
21.
angela | December 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I\m an Aussie girl and I met my Swede whilst I was backpacking through Europe after High School and he was doing the same. We met in Paris, we spent 3 days together, That was 20 years ago. A great marriage, 2 kids and a mortgage later and here we are in wonderful Oz, still in love and still planning trips away together.
By the way I agree with the opinion that it\s easier to meet a Swede outside of Sweden. We lived in Stockholm for 8 years,Brrr cold people, not the slightest clue about how to relate to other human beings.
22.
Mark | January 2, 2009 at 11:27 pm
I have lived in Sweden for the last nine years and all of the expats I know agree on the following: If you meet a Swede (boy/girl) abroad become involved it can be great. However, if that girl/boy then says that it’s a good idea to move to Sweden … I’d be weary. Usually it’s a sign that your relationship is not going so well and that they maybe preparing to leave you. As soon as Swedes stress out, and they stress out a lot and have low stress tolerance, they want to run back to the nanny state that they have … you’ve been warned …