Rude Swedes are not an oxymoron
Yes it seems strange to call Swedes rude but it is true when certain conditions are met.
Condition one: In a bar. People will push throw the crowds without ever uttering the words förlåt (sorry). Even if you are lucky to find a place with a table to put your drink down, you can bet some girl or guy will push from behind to overtake your spot. I had the experience of having a jackass spill wine (thankfully white) on my Burberry coat while at the bar. I poked him in the side, since he stood at a whooping 190cm, and told him I wanted napkins because he spilled wine on me. He was annoyed and irritated and in a condescending manner, apologized.
Condition two: On the street. Cars will just stop for you, few inches shy of stripping your soul out. People will walk straight into you or push you to the side; no apologies needed.
Condition three: In a restaurant. Tipping? Does not exist. With that in mind, don’t expect much in the way of service. I have not experienced bad service (maybe because I am foreign) but stellar service definitely is lacking.
Condition four: Alcohol. Need I say more?
Condition five: On the train. You will get smashed; just hope the people nearby are wearing decent deodorant. You do not need to talk to the people around you, ever. Until the train comes to a crashing halt, your train compartment neighbors are invisible.
The rude drivers and bicyclists drive me crazy
Damn those cyclists for sure
@ gustav- Point noted. What do you think of the Stockholmers then?
“Rude Swedes are not an oxymoron”
Correction: “Rude Stockholmers are not an oxymoron”
That they are rude. At least the experiences I have of them. I honestly think they give Swedes a bad rep. Most foreigners who travel to Sweden go to Stockholm and then they will only meet the people there. I think “Kalmariter” (people from kalmar) are much more nice.
LOL…we could call the Stockholmers wanna be New Yorkers then.
And I forgot to add to the list: doors slamming in your face. People don’t hold doors so please careful of all your extremities when crossing a door. You could lose a hand, nose or foot.
I’ve lived in Sweden for many years now (originally from the US) and I can say with some authority that the people here are among the rudest most self-centered people on the planet. And it’s not just folks from Stockholm. The entire culture is dominated by an utter contempt for their fellows.
Swedes push pregnant women and young children aside to get a seat on buses and trains. They cut in line incessantly. When confronted with their rude behavior you’ll either get complete denial or a childish tantrum. When driving they tailgate folks in fron of them and slow down on single lane roads when folks are behind them. They’ll steal parking places when someone is clearly waiting for it.
I chalk it up to the level of unhappiness and powerlessness that folks here live in. The average Swede lives a gray, drone-like little life without the ability to change or move up socially or economically. If I had been condemned to such an existence I’d probably be surly and rude as well.
Fortunately for Swedes alcohol assuages the colornessness and powerlessness of their lives and is used copiously. When drunk they do become much friendlier and a bit more polite.
James: i agree, swedes have bad manners. but to make the analyse the swedes are egoistic because they can’t social-climb seems like a condradiction to me. Just the fact that income differences are lower in sweden then in USA and that there is a welfare program is of course well connected to the reason why social-climbing is harder. People have to share. I don’t think this is egoism. But maybe that’s just me, I guess you are one the happy neo-liberals.
I lived in Stockholm for 8 years. I am married to a Swedish man *from Skane.* I learnt to speak the language fluently, I was married in Stockholm, my 2 children were born at SOS. I am an Aussie, pretty friendly, pretty outgoing and I tried really hard to enjoy my life there. I agree with everything you ve written about Stockholmers *though I do think they are friendlier in other parts of the country*
They are rude, arrogant, cold and unfeeling. If it doesn t affect them they don t care about their neighbour.
I couldn t count the number of times pregnant, I dragged my toddler laden pram up and down bus steps and no one in a bus load of people would offer to help. I can count the times though I was offered a seat on the undergound during my 2 pregnancies
1 time only, and that person was obviously a migrant!.
We\ve all been back in Oz 4 years now, my husband is an Australian citizen, and every day I kiss the ground and thank God I m back in a city where even strangers pass greetings and acknowledge another humans existence and worth.
One would think people would be a little happier living in such a breathtakingly beautiful city as Stockholm, love the city can t stand the Stockholmers!
The reason for Swedish rudeness and ‘unfeelingness’ is mainly fear. Everbody in this world would be conerned to some extent how they are being perceived by others. But the Swedes’ lifestyles are defined by that fear. The opposite sexes don’t even look into each others eyes and casual flirting doesn’t even exist here because they ‘fear’ that they might be considered desperate. There are huge problems with social recognition here. Nobody is good to anybody and therefore everybody has developed a deep-rooted hatred for others and thus have become disgustingly ego-centric. These people are strange kind of humans. There are differences among cultures around the world but the Swedes are fundamentally different as humans from the rest of the world. They are the personification of fear!
I moved to Sweden from the US 15 years ago. i’ve never lived in a country with such unhappy people that they actually take delight in watching their fellows suffer. And it’s not just Stockholm. It is all Swedes. All of them suffer under a weight of sheer frustration and powerlessness that they have developed a self loathing of their culture and their fellows. For an American this is inconceivable. I could never have conceived that a country could or would want to function like this.
Folks may have their issues with the USA (I have a few of my own) but at least we are nice to our fellows and proud of our country, whatever its failings might be. Swedes dislike each other to the point of disdain and contempt. It is a bit shocking to those of us from countries where politeness and respect are part of our daily lives.
It used to really bother me. Nowadays I just pity the Swedes.
Hey… Kinda behind the pack, but wanted to thank you all for your words. I’ve lived in Sweden just under a year and will not be staying much longer. Moved here for work, wouldn’t stay for love or money. I have never met such a rude, spiteful, arrogant person as the average Swede I’ve met since being here. I cannot even fathom that they hate their own culture, as all I get are comments about how fantastic Sweden is– and constant put downs of my own country. They seem hung up on their inane ridiculous Swedish ways. Anyways, thanks for venting so I don’t feel so alone, and thanks for letting me vent. I will throw myself on the dirty airport floor and kiss it when I return home. I’ve never been so miserable and felt so disgusted by a culture in my life– and I’m no stranger to travel or being an expat.
All this about Swedes, but what about Norwegians? They have been so nice to me yet I hear similar things about them.
Crap. I just found this blog and post while researching my upcoming trip to Sweden and specifically, Stockholm. I am surprised to learn this about Swedish people because my relatives from Sweden are very nice. Are they only nice when they move to the US??? I’ve always wanted to go to Sweden and now I finally have my chance in two weeks. Maybe i’ll just go to Amsterdam instead.
What are good reasons to visit (and spend a lot of money in…) Stockholm?
Interesting to see how much one’s perspective is determined by culture. I am Eastern European but I spent 3 years in the US, and moved here almost directly after that, so I agree that if US is used as a benchmark, “street” politeness is at a very low level here. I do not think they look so bad compared to other Europeans, e.g. the French. And they are polite in a deeper sense: my Swedish colleagues are rather considerate of others’ opinions and do not impose their personalities and intellects on you which I find very appealing.
On holding doors: when I went back home after the US, I did hold doors for people walking behind me and got very scared looks from guys: what does this strange girl want from me?:)
I’m swedish and while I admit that I am biased, I have to say that a lot of what is said here is very offensive to me. I get that many of you are venting but to imply that all swedes hold each other in “utter contempt” or “have a deep-rooted hatred for others” is not just untrue but also very insulting. With that said, I fully agree that we are pretty standoffish towards strangers in Sweden and that swedish service is often bad. But a lot of what you think is rudeness is simply cultural differences. The difference between America and Sweden can be particularly jarring, for both parties! For instance, what americans may see as being sociable/polite can in fact be perceived as intrusive and presumptuous by swedes. Mainly, Sweden’s etiquette rules are simply different. There are things we do that you think is rude, just as there are things you do that we think is rude. The largest problem foreigners face is the rather forbidding attitude swedes can have towards strangers.
One of the prerequisites for understanding this is to be aware of the fact that we have a long cultural history of self-reliance. We even have an old saying “Ensam är stark” which basically means “Strong alone” and comes from the time when we were poor and there just wasn’t enough of anything to go around and we lived so far from one another that no help could be expected. In those days, only the strong, self-reliant survived. A lot of that lives on in our culture today, which is why it can be viewed as rude and presumptuous in Sweden to help someone without asking if they need help first. The deeper meaning is that just assuming someone needs help can be seen as casting aspersions on that persons ability to do right for himself and the society. I’m not claiming this is the right way, on the contrary! “Ensam är stark” is an outdated saying that has no function in today’s society. Luckily, Sweden *is* opening up, slowly but surely.
One last point – we are not all miserable! Mostly, we’re just more honest about how we feel. To offer a contrasting point of view, a lot of swedes perceive many americans to be extremely superficial (portraying a “fake” happiness”), simply because of differing social and cultural idiosyncrasies. Those are americans that you might consider sociable and welcoming people. To back up some of my statements, when comparing the general happiness of the world’s peoples, Sweden ranks rather highly. Usually in the top ten. Often above America, FYI.
http://worlddatabaseofhappiness.eur.nl/hap_nat/nat_fp.php
http://www.happiness.org/Resources/Happiness_Studies/Happiest_Countries.aspx
I was born and raised in Sweden and I can’t identify with any of this. I don’t hate everybody around me and I don’t dislike people “to the point of disdain and contempt”. In fact, I was raised to hold the door for the person behind me; to give up my seat to pregnant women, children and the elderly; to say “thank you” to the cook after a dinner; and to show respect to people regardless of political, sexual or cultural beliefs. I try to live by that, and I know that many around me were raised in the same way. I’m not saying that I don’t see rude people in Sweden but it’s pretty rare and is frowned upon. I’m sure that people in other countries share the same values too.
So I’m kind of wondering where all you guys get this from. Am I missing something? I moved to Stockholm from a small town in south Sweden a couple of years ago and was surprised by the friendly atmosphere that I had heard did not exist. Am I the only one who feel this?
You might find this article interesting: http://www.thelocal.se/18858/20090415/
@publicoxoo Thanks for the link. Great article! I especially think the bits about “Live and let live” was spot on. That’s really a vital key to understanding swedes. Like they say in the article:
“It took three months for anyone at work to invite her out socially and no one offered any help. “If I’d asked, three dozen would have jumped at the chance,” she says. “They didn’t want to presume I couldn’t manage myself. That would be insulting.””
This is quite true and crucial to understand when you come to Sweden. Swedes are often eager and generous when it comes to helping other people, but we often won’t do it unasked. And that’s *not* a sign of rudeness in Sweden. On the contrary, to let someone be is a sign of respect while offering opinions and advice unasked could be seen as rude or overly familiar.
So don’t be afraid of asking for help and advice. It could be that the swede really wants to help out but feels that he doesn’t want to impose. Could be he’d actually be grateful for an opportunity to help out or voice his opinion.
As an opposite example of this, I can tell you that if I’m browsing in a store abroad I can get incredibly annoyed if someone comes up and starts asking questions about what I need and what I’m looking for. I consider anything after “Let me know if you need some help.” to be somewhat intrusive and irritating. That may just be me, but it may also be a good example of what we’re discussing.
It’s also interesting how we view silence. Swedes are pretty comfortable in silence. Instead we often feel uncomfortable when forced to make small talk. Often when we’re quiet it’s because we simply don’t have anything worthwhile to add at the moment. Or it could be that we’re content that particular moment and just want to enjoy it. We don’t really understand why every moment with another person has to be filled with idle conversation. Which explains why we can get mildly frustrated and nervous when it’s obvious that the other person feels obliged to chit-chat even though he/she has nothing to say.
PS. I need to get those books they talk about in the article. Always interesting to get some perspective on your own culture.
You should really visit Skåne. I’m living down south, but often travel to Stockholm in both business and pleasure.
It’s like travelling to a town with a complete different mindset.
Stockholm is a “cold” city IMHO.
at first the sielence of train and not talking and … were realy frustrating ,and actually i wondered how these people meet and get marry !, now though the over adaptable person i am, i ‘m so used to it that even when i see someone speaks English i couldn’t find the gutt to talk to them, or maybe i just don’t feel like talking which is sad, really really sad.
oops, silence i meant, see the effect of not communicating.
Just wanted to say that Pontus Olins comments about the subject were spot on – I’ll save them for the time when/if I have to rebuke another slander of Swedes.
Hej,
I am English. I have lived in Göteborg for 4 yrs now. I have dated several Swedish men. Most of my friends are immigrants from many different countries. I find it difficult to make friends with Swedes. I have definately stuggled at times with the lack of manners that Swedish people have. I have become kind of used to being banged into, without a glance. I am used to being told to WAIT, without please and thank you’s. I feel that the men I have dated have been much colder and more distant than the English men that I have dated. The thing that makes me really angry is the lack of customer service in shops and public buildings, such as hospitals. I just can not get used to repeatedly being ignored at reception desks whilst the staff talk to other staff members, or look at a computer. No eye contact. No, “hello, I will be with you in a moment”. Today, I again tried to talk to my current boyfriend about how much this upsets me. I asked him to help me to understand the culture, so that I could feel more comfortable with it. He obviously did not want to talk about it. Eventually, I persuaded him, but he has no answers. Neither of us understand why this happens. It is not good business sense and does not help the society in any way. Can any body explain this to us please?