As long as you learned from the experience and treat yourself and the girl with respect, your relationships will be fruitful.

Thanks Ben for the last post on The Dying Questions. The thread is now CLOSED. Head over to: http://lostinstockholm.com/2010/06/26/the-new-questions-on-swedish-dating/ to read the list of new questions and post your own.

I resent myself for playing games with her as I really liked her, and i’ll always regret this. Looking at it from the bright side, this was a massive lesson in life.

-Ben

Hi,

My name is Ben and I do admit to being Swedish(even half finnish, i guess that’s an addition to the quietness ^^). I have sparsely been on the dating scene but I do agree with the eye thing, I don’t know why we do it. My personal explanation is I sublimally communicate my interest by watching.

I must also agree with the gentlemanlike dance in swedish dejting when it comes to Swedish men and women. We constantly test our partner’s conviction until we’re sure. We are afraid of being left as it’s depression often follows in a cold and sparse country.

Nonetheless, Swedish men are loyal once you get their trust, like with all swedes. Few keep “lose” contacts, many collect close friends instead and meet strangers to sate their passion.

I used to talk to an american woman my age who I really enjoyed talking to her, and probably she to me. In time developed feelings for her.

I wrote her a long letter when she still had a boyfriend, although shortly she left her boyfriend and a long period of flirting commenced. I did the drag and pull, unfortunately she appeared to misunderstand it and as the fool I was i’d forgotten she was still missing her longterm boyfriend, so I tried to be nicer. Talking to her more. She enjoyed it and we picked up again, talked every day. Alot of things which I can’t describe later happened, I had a deep but short period of depression where I tried to push her away. I think I did this again cause I cared for her, I didn’t want her to see me like this, this was not how a man should behave, I am a stoic nearly by definition.

It ended quite abruptly as our two mentalities collided. Me wanting isolation and her wanting closeness. She did not recognize the push and pull I realized. That period was a very complicated period and very hurtful. She was the light of my life and at the same time I became more and more destructive, damaging our relationship even further. Tired, both of us, we decided to meet up in Paris to see if there was a last escape. I went there and first it proved fruitful.

We spoke like old friends(I should tell you that I had told her that we should meet as friends and tried to lead the conversation on that path so that there would perhaps be a cushion, I trusted she liked me enough to make a move when I got there). I had forgotten my sleeping bag at home so, I slept with her in her bed.

The first night I gave her a kiss. That was to be my move, she had still made no move which I fretted meant this was only a friendmeeting. The coming days I tried to bring it up and express how I actually felt without bringing up too much of the hurt we had had in the past, I really wanted to make this work. She was a black cloud constantly, and we fought. Several times I had to leave her dorm, I stormed out.

I tried to make her forget by caressing her, kissing her, making out with her(she complimented me as being a good kisser) everything was a whirlwind. Then, one day everything didn’t go as planned as well, in one of our more heated discussions(she had put up a titanium wall around herself, and I expressed how close I was to weeping, that the honey had turned to venom)I queried what she was thinking, to reach out. Her response: “This isn’t working.”.

This dropped me into further selfdestructive behaviour, smashing lightpoles to sate my frustration. If only she knew how much i’d do for her if she only asked.. The last night, I gulped down an entire bottle of roséwine and turned a little tipsy. Everything was lost anyway, I turned inwards. I smoked, I drank. I jumped out the window xD (bottom floor, don’t worry) cause she forbid me from going out the door one more time(she was worried i’d be taken out by gypsies, I still felt like a small boy with her) and I smoked in the courtyard. I didn’t tell her how I felt as all was anyway lost and i was afraid if I once opened myself her steelwall would be forever there and her venom even more potent.

So, I used the last night to say goodbye. I gave her my everything. Caressing her curls, watching as she dreamed. Waking her slightly. Kissing her, caressing her until she couldn’t stand. We played, caressing each other, pleasuring her. That entire night I gave her all I had. And it was not until I had to leave that I stopped. Tiredly she waved me off at the trainstation. Sadly the fairytale had no happy ending.

I fell into a light depression, and she wanted to talk as always, as “f-buddies”, of course I had agreed to being this as I figured it would put a swift ending to this.

I held out for a week and then I finally told her I couldn’t talk to her, I was going through I rough patch and hoped she understood. She did. She was only talking to me because she was bored, apparently; sadly. By that time she was back in the states, off to find an “american boy” as she put it..

(Sorry for the awesome amount of text ^^’ I just felt like opening up as many of you women in here seem to wonder what really goes through the head of a swedish man, this being my head and me being a swedish man this text could be of some aid. I am a life enjoyer, I enjoy life and I live it to the fullest.)

Yours truly,
Ben