The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men

17 May
2008

UPDATE, June 26th, 2010: Thank you readers for all your comments and heartfelt discussions.  The thread is closed now.  Please move over here: http://lostinstockholm.com/2010/06/26/the-new-questions-on-swedish-dating/ to continue posting!

I’ve been on a long hiatus from the blog and I apologize to everyone who does follow me on a regular basis. I have been traveling around Scandinavia and the US and finally am recomposing my thoughts for some new, interesting posts.

I noticed there are some Swedish men who follow this blog and as women (Swedish or otherwise), we are curious as to how your side of the species flirts. Some are general questions…some very specific.

Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?

Do you think women should hit on men or vice versa?

Do you celebrate Valentine’s day? Why or why not?

Do people flirt in public? On the train, at the store, etc…

What are signs of flirtatious behavior?

Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?

Does the ‘player’ culture exist? Like the wingman and pilots?

What do you expect to happen on a first date? (not a first encounter, if that was the case)

Are Swedish women really that boring? Or are the Swedish men really that boring?

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243 Responses to The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men

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memoandmyself

May 17th, 2008 at 17:18

“my man” is a swede and he is everything BUT boring. And he gives compliments, and flirts like every guys I know. And im pretty sure the player culture exist. But I also noticed a lot of young people get together and have kids early.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in Sweden the past year but I’m still not sure to get how it works there though. sometimes it feels like everything is the same as here (France) but sometimes…not at all…..yeah I realize im not helping that much lol.

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samarkand

May 23rd, 2008 at 05:53

So I’ve been dating a Swede for about four months. A while back, a Swedish male friend of his visited from out of town and supposedly wanted to pick up a girl while we were out. The scene: New York City, Friday night, hipster territory, women EVERYWHERE. Anyway I was prepared to step back a bit while my Swede played wingman . . . but no. Both of them . . . tall, hot, strapping nordic lads with nice clothes, advanced degrees and fluent English . . . stood there like a pair of shy fourteen-year-old girls at a middle school dance. How exactly he was thinking he would pick up an American girl like that, I have no idea.

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Sapphire

May 25th, 2008 at 18:08

@ memoandmyself- I think your questions are in tandem with what other women wonder about swedish men and the culture. If you come up with anything, do post!

@smarkand- And that’s how they do it! They wait for signals or for the women to say “hi.” Some of the Swedes say the women have as much right to pick up the men in a bar. It’s just something to get used to. =)

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memoandmyself

May 26th, 2008 at 06:52

oookey I have something, but I think it’s more common to men in general…. “My” swede is supposed to come here (Paris) in June and he doesn’t have a return ticket…the plan is kinda “him staying with me and we live happily ever after” …anyhoo…I know he wants to…but everytime I talk about him starting to look for a job…we get into a fight… I don’t wanna rule his life or anything…but..ok maybe i am?

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Samuel Ökvist

September 1st, 2008 at 16:55

(I’m a bad speller so please….)As a swedish male I can give a answer to one question. The one about what your man and his friend was doing.
They where waiting for eyecontact, no swedish male moves on a woman if he hasn’t had a positive/eyecontact well he might if he’s drunk. They might have moved to a other place in the bar to have a better chance of being notised, but it would have bee EXTREMLY rude of your man to leave you alone. And his friend had no plan on how he could fake a reason to be alone in the bar since sweds go out together he would be judged as a creepy man (drunkard/rapist) if he was alone when he made eyecontact.

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surprised43yrold wife

September 17th, 2008 at 17:48

I was very surprised at how flirty swedish men are. In a resent trip this 2 very good looking men (younger). sent a friend & me champange, even when Iwe made it clear Iwe were married.
When I asked for the check (expensive restaurant), I was told it had been taken care of by this men. They sat at our table and insisted to stay with us so other guys would´t hit on us.
They were real gentelmans.
I´ve been married for 18 years, so this expirience really lifted my spirits but i am a bit confuse, why did they stay?????

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Sapphire

September 18th, 2008 at 13:21

@memoandmyself- Has Mr. Swede arrived? How is it going? We would love to hear an update.

@Samuel- That’s really good information to know. I think there is some chivalry in that: letting the woman indicate she is interested rather than just hitting on her

@surprised43yrold wife- I have no clue either! Would any of our other Swedish male readers respond?
It is possible they were just enamored by you ladies and enjoyed the spending the evening with you. I will research this some…

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surprised43yrold wife

September 18th, 2008 at 16:33

It´s been a week scince this expirienced, when I came back to my coutry my sister told me I looked diffrent, ” your eyes have something, you look beautiful”.
After being the “wife of “or the “mother of “for so many years, always being taken for granted, I have to admit I had given up on me.. Wiith out even trying I´ve lost 2 pounds, I threw away all my “comfortable clothes”, I enyoy getting dress in a way that makes me feel beautiful. I woke up! I feel alive again!
Sometimes a total stranger values you more and can make you feel more important than the people who “love you”!
Swedish men for me are the best when it comes to treating a woman!!!
Even though nothing happened,I will always remember this day!

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Cat

September 21st, 2008 at 18:07

I’m having a hard time figuring out a Swede. I’m Asian, got to know a Swede on the internet. Talked for almost 8 months on msn and became really close friends. We decided to meet up in Vancouver for a short holiday. I flew in from Asia and he from Sweden. When we first met, we were like old friends, we shared hotel rooms and he was passionate. But he made it a point to inform me a couple of times during the trip that he will not fall in love with me because he is so not over his ex. He also admitted that I’m very pretty to him but he’s by nature only attracted to european looks.
Like most description of Swedish men, he is reserved in public, quiet, but is extremely funny, intelligent, sarcastic in a humorous way and at the same time, distant. All in all, he is a good guy. While we were traveling, he gotten news that his ex was officially with another guy and was very sad.
We have remained very good friends since the trip and arranged to hook up some time again. Now my question is : is he or is he not romantically interested in me?????
If he is, why is he making so sure that I must not fall for him (kept saying that he just want me to understand that he cannot love me blah blah blah)???
If he is not, then why bother wanting to wanting to meet with me again? Or issit just for the escapades?? But then, gorgeous Swedish girls are plenty.

I’m confused on how I should proceed because I really am NOT a Asian hora (whore) and I do have feelings for him.

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sophia

September 26th, 2008 at 08:57

Aww Cat!
I think he jsut doesn’t know what he wants and you shouldn’t be going to him at his beck and call, sadly i think its all about getting laid :( tell him you don’t wanna know till he has more respect for you in tha way. Because using a woman for sex is not respect!

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Dian

October 9th, 2008 at 23:02

Hello I am an american girl, who met a lovely Swedish boy here in the states. I guess my qestion would be how honest and faithful are Swedish men? Are they players as we say in America?

Silly question I know…dian

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firdaus

November 4th, 2008 at 03:04

I don’t know if I can say it about all Swedish men. Nay, I cannot. But there was one who I called mine and loved a lot. He made the eye contact, sometimes blatantly staring like a possessed lost soul. And then cheated on me without any hesitation, any feeling. When I stopped reciprocating without asking a word or demanding any answer (how could I, after being so humiliated), he moved on with the other one and never bothered. Now I hear that was only a passionate fling, and that he is still interested in me. But in spite of still loving him alone in the universe, I cannot take the risk of trusting him again. Probably would find it difficult to trust any other Swede again.

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GiGi

November 27th, 2008 at 00:48

If you ever get the “look” (eye contact/stare) from a Swedish male it will remain in your thoughts for a long time.

It has the ability to peirce through your soul and stain your new love-sick heart…

I can’t get it out of my head! Someone save me (preferrably Swedish)!

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May

November 29th, 2008 at 02:31

I recently “met” a Swede guy online and I admit I got so attracted to him that after a few days of chatting, it seems I wanna move and live with him forever! I’m an Asian and the truth is I have so much excess baggage in my life that would make any guy turn away and run back to his Mama.

But no, my Swede guy isn’t like that. He’s not letting go of me just because of an ugly past. He is the sweetest guy ever. He’s funny, making faces all the time, goofy and very shy. Yes, my handsome darling is rather conservative and shy about making love topics. He’s very passionate though and a gentleman to boot.

My philosophical Swede, loves to talk about religion as well. He’s very open-minded and we can actually talk about anything without getting bored. He also knows how to make promises and fulfill them. Shucks! He’s a rare find. I have had an American boyfriend for 2 years and a French boyfriend for a month or so and they’re nothing compared to him. I just wish this will go on forever… I’m in clouds!

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Christian

January 12th, 2009 at 04:57

@firdaus: I´m sorry to hear about that. Just wanted to point out that, i do know “bad people” that have in the past/ cheated on their boyfriends/girlfriends. However – in about 90% of the cases, it´s the Swedish girls that has been unfaithful. NOT the men. Being unfaithful is something I could never imagine being/doing. I´d rather break up if I would meet someone else. Cause if you are unfaithful, somethings not right with your relationship in the first place.
It´s in my opinion and experience more common for Swedish women to be unfaithful, then men. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Swedish women in general are quite good looking (however also very boring if you ask me) and doesn´t have any problems finding guys. Most of my friends would agree with me on this one. I´m afraid you caught one of the bad ones. So it´s not something “typical” for Swedish males – hang in there. ;)

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Rick

January 25th, 2009 at 16:01

I think our loving personality is rather natural for us unless someone turns us then look out!

My paternal grandfather was a son-of-a-bitch, hateful and abusive to family but if you were NOT family a wonderful person. He was just a miserable ass!

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Shana

March 3rd, 2009 at 02:16

I have been with my Swede guy for two years now. We met online on a Rosetta Stone language chat, and the love for each other was very unexpected. I am sure if we met in person instead of online our beginnings would be much different, and perhaps he would have been too shy to make any advancement, the internet makes it easy for us all to open up. When he came to America he was very well mannered and shook hands with everyone he met, he was definitely more proper and groomed than most American men. He was not shy at all when it came to socializing with my family and friends. When I went to Sweden I made many different observations about the men. All of course had their own ways, but there was some traits that many had. When I met his friends they seemed kind of silent around me with some light, but not deep conversation, but when we all went to the bar they would not shut up haha. Alex and I went to a club one night with his friends and when people heard my American accent they would gather around to practice their English haha. One man at the club though was standing there and openly hit on me when Alex was next to me, that kind of through me off since I did not expect that from a Swedish guy- but the alcohol helps loosen them up a bit. As for other questions, the player men do exist, probably in every society in some way, but Alex had a friend that went by “the player” and was all over the ladies where ever we went. And for Valentines Day, Alex had no idea that it was that day back in February haha, I had to kind of throw hints, but it does not really matter to me. Swedish men and women seem pretty different to me, it seems that the men don’t have to do much work in getting ladies because the women seem to make most of the advances, I swear they are another breed :P, they are very strong women. In America the women usually sit back and wait for the guys, but in Sweden the men sit back and wait for the ladies. But anyways, great topic!

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sandra

March 30th, 2009 at 22:48

hi i’m a panamanian girl! im dating this Swede guy for about 5 months now,we are both on working visas here in usa!!!when we met in november last year he was the most amazing man on earth…. he will visit me every day and he couldnt wait to make plans for the next time we see each other .. so in december he went back to visit his family fro christmas and i felt i was gonna die without him he wrote me every day and call me 3 times in the 2 weeks he was there… but when he came back it was a total diferent person! 3 months have passed now and he is hasnt said “i love u” we keep on fighting and we r kinda broken up now but i tell him please leave me alone and he keeps on acting like everything is normal!!1 even he is so cold tells me to backoff, to leave him alone… he barely wants to spend time with me and he says he cant love me now cause he first need to know if he is goonna get his green card to b able to stay in usa and start building his life!!! i dont know what to do my friends said sandra leave him, but i do love him but i cant understand if he doesnt love why he stills callls me and ask me to hang out and we dont even mak love every time we see each othere cause he is always tired and all he does is work, go work out get home eat and watch tv!!!! what can i do??????????

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sandra

April 9th, 2009 at 21:34

please someone answer my questions!!!!

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Sapphire

April 12th, 2009 at 20:04

@Sandra- This is really tough spot. To me it seems that he maybe fell in love with you because he hoped to stay in the US if something more happened?? But then again, you are on a visa too so that doesn’t make sense. He also just seems like a A)a Jerk; or B) seriously confused. I would be clear to him about your feelings and what is bothering you. If he cannot get that through his thick skull, then you should move on.

I am sure there are prettier fish in the sea. ;)

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Brenda

April 14th, 2009 at 02:46

Hello everybody!

Oh my lord, there is a lot of things to read and see. but all of us, are humans and all have the same feelings deep inside, the way we express ourselves depends of our cultural backgrounds mostly, but sometimes there are clichés about how is the american, mexican, italian, and in this case, sweden male/female when it comes to love relationships.

I have met a sweden man in a online community almost a month ago, from the begining he has been just a gentleman, he is a prince, he treats me as a queen, with total respect, absolutely.

I dont want to fall in love with him because the whole situation scares me to dead, I start to think in all that “what ifs”, what if he have a girlfriend (sweden girls are gorgeous), what if he is just playing with me, what if this or that.

He says that I’m important for him, he says he loves me and adores me, and I feel like a walk in the clouds ha ha ha.

I’m from Mexico and que is from Umeå, sometimes he stays until really late hours of the night just to chat with me and he think that we will meet one day.

He is a dream! ha ha ha, and I cant stop thinking about him. But I have a suspicious mind, and sometimes I think “this is too beautiful to be true”.

Im confused. Maybe Im already in love with him, but I dont want to admit it lol.

regards!

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Jesica

April 14th, 2009 at 16:50

Hi Brenda!!

I agree!!swedish boys seems really too beautiful to be true, but most of the time they are really honest!! if they don’t want to be with you believe me, they will tell you.

I was living in Sweden for some time, they can be quite strange for us ( I’m Mexican too) but they are adorable :P so don’t worry and enjoy it!!

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Ulf

April 25th, 2009 at 20:17

I dont want to be nasty. But Im a 190 cm tall blond viking. In Sweden .. heck (and thats a problem for me ;-) no women … automaticly.. are interested of me. But, when Im abroad , especially in London and Spain, its not so hard to get a telephonenumber from women.

I think that English women are fascinated of vikings. A 1000 years old thing that still is alive.

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Lo

May 2nd, 2009 at 07:10

Its so crazy I found a blog about swedish men! I found a beautiful swedish man on spring break, but like everyone has said to good to be true. Once I read the blog I realized that my swed does similar things mentioned like:
1. the eye contact
2. I actually said hi first passing by the 2nd time in the club
3. super romantic and shy
4. only text messages and msn me
5. doesnt really talk about the future just lives in the moment
although it was a 3 day romance i felt like i fell in love but its been a month and he hasnt called just text ! We are meeting up again soon but how can someone trust someone that hasnt actually verbally communicated for months at a time ?
Am I crazy for meeting him up?

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syn

May 4th, 2009 at 03:39

Hi,

Swedish men. I came across a young 23yr old man on an xbox360 Live chat while playing GoW2. We hit it off right then, and talked till the next morning. We’ve been talking since for a few days now. He is funny, intelligent, and honest. From what I can gather of these comments, these three traits are what stick out to me. This swedish man is funny(corny), intelligent in many facets of life, and is suprisingly honest. We developed an attraction for each other with only our voices to distinguish ourselves(headphones live chat). I’m an American Peruvian, who’s unexpectedly enamored with this swede. However, I wonder what do we both gain from this… Odds are we may or may not meet. Yet, he confides in me and I’m suprisingly confiding in him. Also, he did say has cheated on a women before, 2x, different women, which is pretty big to admit. So I’m inclined to be suspicious …

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Irene

May 7th, 2009 at 19:46

I know this is such a general question but do you think Swedish men only like women that are very slender. I only ask because the Swedish women are so beautiful and all seem very slender. Do you think some Swedish men can fall in love with a woman that is curvy or a few extra pouds or is this a sign of laziness with their culture?

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Magda

May 24th, 2009 at 04:29

Oh my god I love all of the comments here :)…First, I want to say hi to all of you great women that have fallen for a Swede, I’m part of your community: D…special greetings for my Mexican sisters Brenda and Jesica, and brave Swedish men.
Second, what I’ve learned about my Swedish bf so far, well he is shy, kind, and well-mannered, has a heart the size of Jupiter, and is very thoughtful, smart, funny, and romantic. He told me that he’s happy I made the first move coz otherwise he would’ve been too shy to ever speak to me. We met like 10 months ago, started as friends, and have been officially in a relationship since February. What I’ve learned about observation (my bf and his friends) is that in Sweden like in every other place there are some good men, and some others that are total jerks; so you have no other option than to be attentive of the signs shown by them in order for you to figure them out. A good point about Swedes is that they are very honest, which means that if you are dating a Swede you can be certain that he means what he says when he opens his heart to you, and tells you how much he likes/love/adores you, so is better if you stop thinking about how gorgeous Swedish women are (beauty is subjective), remember that there’s a reason why he decided to be with you and not some other girl (Swedish or whatever else), so you have to learn to trust him and be confident. Enjoy the ride!
Third and last, Irene, I’m a voluptuous girl (5’7” size 10), and my Swede has had no problem finding me beautiful. I believe I’m pretty average, still he things I’m the cutest thing to ever landed in this planet (talking about love being blind:D). Any ways, we all know that Swedish girls are beautiful, Swedish men are used to this, that’s why I think that exterior features is not what makes them fall for you, they find more important for you to be authentic, kind, funny, and trustworthy. Trust is very important, coz I’ve known from my bf’s previous experiences that Swedish women are prone to unfaithfulness. I hope my experience can serve you well. Take care girls & boys! ?

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akira

May 29th, 2009 at 17:53

Cat, I recommend that you get over this hangup that many asian women have, that white men are the best…or that to get one is to get a “trophy” for yourself. Oh, let me guess…it just so HAPPENED he’s white…but you date “all kinds of men” right? But that probably includes a large number of white men whenever possible right?

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Top 5 Dating Swedish Men Posts

June 2nd, 2009 at 00:23

[...] 3. The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men [...]

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Brenda

June 2nd, 2009 at 03:57

Girls, thanks for your answers, its been about two-three months since we met via internet. sometimes is hard to get even, because we have seven hours of difference between mexico and sweden I guess. his job is in a hospital, (emergency room) and thats why he is not for so long online.

but when he pops, saids to me things like “I like you, you are in my dreams every nights, I adore you, I miss you” and I feel Im flying again! ha ha ha, so when he isnt online I left him love messages, just to let him know that Im here, for real, Im not playing, Im not seeing other guys in my country, I only want HIM and I think I love him sigh.

I want to meet him in person, and Im a curvy girl, he says that he likes that from me, but I have this need to be more attractive and beautiful for him, I want to work out and be more healthy, I just want to feel sexy for him.

I want to believe in his honesty, and my body trembles just to imaging how would be our first encounter, he is tall, and I wonder how does it feels to be huged by such a man like him ha ha ha, oh dear Im lost :P

He thinks that we will meet really soon, and I want to believe that dream will come true. our birthdays are in the same month (september) and would be great to meet each other then awwww

am I dreaming to high? :S

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sofia

June 2nd, 2009 at 19:02

i just met this swedish guy 2 weeks ago and i am stupidly thinking of him since them, he approach me at a bar after a few shots, adn we had intimacy the first night we met, and then i found him online and talked to him so he finally asked me out otherwise he probably wouldnt call after a week, and so we did it again this second time, he is so agressive and passionate, but out of it he is kind of cold for my taste i am a latin, and we are in an asian country, he likes to writte emails to mee instead of making a phone call, and always finish them with the line of i hope to see you soon again!, but i wonder what does it means???, do you think i am getting myself ilusionated for nothing???, please a swedish guy answer me!!!!

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allhis

June 4th, 2009 at 07:36

Ive been talking to my Swede now for a few months online on and off at first and the last month on the phone and on msn via cam. things have been progressive we are completely in love with each other even though we haven’t met yet. we are forever writing each other messages .. to wake up to everyday .. and talk on line all day long until i make him goto sleep hahaaa. We had planned on meeting this month in which would be a week. But things have so progressed that we both would rather just move to be with each other. I am going to move to Sweden as soon as i can get things taken care of here. I lost my job 2 months ago and have nothing holding me here as well as i have my EU citizenship so it makes more sense for me to move there. I’m scared to learn swedish hahahaa. He wants to marry me tells me over and over he wants to be able to call me his wife. He has already set up a bigger place to live with a yard for my little dog. I am so in love with him and hes so in love with me we don’t even have to meet yet to know that each other is everything we want and need and have been looking for our whole lives. My friends think i’m crazy my parents are not talking to me I just told them.( ps i’m 30 old enough to make my choices hahaa) . His friends think hes a little crazy to. But we couldn’t care less as long as we are crazy together thats all that matters. Hes my everything with out even meeting him yet.

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allhis

June 4th, 2009 at 07:45

Ooooo and I just read brenda’s comments “But I have a suspicious mind, and sometimes I think “this is too beautiful to be true”.” any one thats been hurt does so do I but this just feels so right and worth it .

Avril Lavigne – Innocence .. sums it up for me .. =)

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Julia

June 8th, 2009 at 07:07

My Comment on:
——————————————————————————————————-
“sofia permalink”
i just met this Swedish guy 2 weeks ago and i am stupidly thinking of him since them, he approach me at a bar after a few shots, and we had intimacy the first night we met, and then i found him online and talked to him so he finally asked me out otherwise he probably wouldn’t call after a week, and so we did it this second time, he is so aggressive and passionate, but out of it he is kind of cold for my taste i am a Latin, and we are in an Asian country, he likes to write emails to me instead of making a phone call, and always finish them with the line of i hope to see you soon again!, but i wonder what does it means???, do you think i am getting myself illusionated for nothing???, please a Swedish guy answer me!!!!
=============================================================
My Comment :
I had exactly the same situation – no phone calls, only sms, passionate in bed- cold and introvert out of bed… Mine lives in London. Yours? :) .
We were dating almost 1 month. After a little research on facebook I found out that he is using dating application and sending “winks” to the girls. I got mad, but didn’t say anything until he came back from Sweden.
Then as usual – he send me sms asking if I would like to come over. I said that: “it seems like we are looking for different things and that we should go in different directions”. His reaction was very calm, as I expected. Than when I mentioned facebook and his lovely photo on dating application- his answer was like this “O, sorry, I didn’t know that you will be upset because of that, I THOUGHT THAT WE ARE NOT DATING EXCLUSIVELY!” That’s all…
I did like him a lot. He was snoring sometimes during the night, but I was ready to get use to it, as actually I fell in love with him. And he was just having fun!!! I deleted his number from my phone. Was crying few days. But got over him somehow. Now every time I meet Swedish guy – I stay very alert.

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Shegira

July 12th, 2009 at 13:49

I am Dateing A Swedish Man , he is the smartest, sweetest,kindest,most dominating male i have Ever met , but hell i’m Biased , he asked me to marry him …….

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moodytwoshoes

July 14th, 2009 at 10:22

How do I meet a swedish man? I live in asia. is there a site or something? All my life i’ve waited for a swedish man…i love the language!!!

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Hilary

July 16th, 2009 at 05:28

It seems that everyone has met a swedish guy either online or in person…I live in NYC and is fascinated with the swedish culture and would like to visit. Where can I find ligitimate online communities to meet regular swedish people male and female to learn more abut the culture and make friends before i take my trip. I am not interested in the websites that say HOT SWEDISH etc etc..lol…just the social sites for regular people.

Thanks in advance

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Kristina

July 18th, 2009 at 01:41

Stop bullsitting. You only want swedish men beacuse the are tall and big downstairs.

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lossantos67

July 27th, 2009 at 11:51

it never seizes to amaze me when i see stupidity such as the comments i have been reading here. is this not just a blog and not some dating side here?

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Jie

August 1st, 2009 at 12:39

hey, everyone, i met an gorgeous swedish young men during an international event in beijing these days. we’ve worked together for a couple of days. and since the first day i met him, i had a major crush on him. He’s very kind and nice.but i was too shy to hint him that i had feelings for him,i just keep avoiding him. and he will soon leave, im gonna really miss him. i know im really stupid but this is just my character, i cant resist it.

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Kris

August 10th, 2009 at 08:21

Hello. I’m new to the world of Swedish men. I don’t have any romantic Swede stories but I’m just intrigued by them nonetheless. I’ve searched to find information about them but to no avail, until I came across this site. I’ve also asked several people and I got everything from “Swedes shouldn’t be trusted.” to “Swedes are sweet and fun-loving”. To be honest, I’m very skeptical and cautious (Swede or whatever else) but I am curious. Can someone Swede or whomever, please enlighten me?

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Ella00

August 16th, 2009 at 06:10

WHOA..whoa whoa whoa. Okay, first of all I would like to say I googled a question on Swedish guys and this is what I get,so perfect it’s eerie.. I met my Swedish guy online through a friend and he’s the most intelligent,sexy,well spoken guy with THE BEST sense of humour..we talk so much and are open with each other,although..I forgot to mention something that doesn’t seem surprising on here/new,I’m Spanish? So..what’s up with all these spanish ladies and their Swedish men?lol. Anyways Im starting to really care for him but it’s really hard to deal with everything since he’s so far..I plan to visit him next year and he already says he wants to marry me,have kids with me and grow old with me..I’m 20,he’s 22-crazy yes? Anywho,Swedish men are and beautiful and I appreciate the culture and history more than I ever have..Even though I’m starting university this year I am considering transfering to a uni in Uppsala,but who knows what may happen? :)

Ps:at first I thought Swedish sounded like Klingon when I started to learn it but now I realize it’s a beautiful langauage……that,still sorta sounds like Klingon..? Jk

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Sapphire

August 16th, 2009 at 14:31

@Kristina – AHAHA. Quite possibly true.

@Hilary – The Scandinavian community in New York city is huge. Join a Young Scandinavians Club or a professional organization geared towards the Nordic community.

@Jie – That is indeed the world of Swedish men

@Kris – Swedes are just like any other people, some are wonderful, funny, people, others are douchebags.

@Ellaoo – Swedes need some exotic spice in the mix. LOL. What I can say, don’t build your life around him in case things don’t work out (besides, long distances suck). And don’t limit yourself to him, if you think you guys are monogamous long distance wise right now, be sure to ask, it may not be true.

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Dew

August 16th, 2009 at 21:25

What is the best place in Stockholm to find a Swedish guy? :) I’ve always loved the Nordic type, but Swedish men are just amazing. They are so handsome and groomed.

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lisa

September 7th, 2009 at 07:47

My husband is swedish, he’s the sweetest guy I’ve met and he treats me with all love. I think they are a bit shy compared to other western men. And it is true they probably don’t date.
I’ve had a danish bf before as well, he never ever thought of being attracted to an asian woman before he met me, he said the connection and chemistry we had was so much more than any swede women he had been with before and he loved me more than anyone he’d met before. Unfortunately it didn’t work out because of the circumstances but it surely changed both of our lives. From that moment on I decided I only want a scandiavian husband, they seem to have the best chemistry with my personality.
I’ve met other swedes and they all liked me a lot, so for me, a viking is perfect and I’ve found the perfect one for myself. For those who haven’t, just remember love has no boundary and if it was supposed to be, it will be.

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Arrindel

September 13th, 2009 at 02:56

My husband is swedish, he's the sweetest guy I've met and he treats me with all love. I think they are a bit shy compared to other western men. And it is true they probably don't date.
I've had a danish bf before as well, he never ever thought of being attracted to an asian woman before he met me, he said the connection and chemistry we had was so much more than any swede women he had been with before and he loved me more than anyone he'd met before. Unfortunately it didn't work out because of the circumstances but it surely changed both of our lives. From that moment on I decided I only want a scandiavian husband, they seem to have the best chemistry with my personality.
I've met other swedes and they all liked me a lot, so for me, a viking is perfect and I've found the perfect one for myself. For those who haven't, just remember love has no boundary and if it was supposed to be, it will be….

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Chrissy

September 20th, 2009 at 10:55

hey guys, people keep mentioning this eye contact/ stare that swedish men do. Forgive my swedish ignorance, but do swedish women do this as well? just wondering for curiosity sake.

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Stockholmguy

September 25th, 2009 at 01:31

Kris
I disagree that we Swedish men would be less trust worthy than men from other countries. Rather the opposit! Getting involved with someone from another culture and with a different language can be difficult since at least one of you will have to give up the everyday contact with near friends, family and everything familiar. Then again, love does conquer all and a passionate relationship with someone from another country sure is a thrilling, exotic and wonderful experience. ;-)

Hilary
I think there is a site called “thelocal” for news, and for info like this you seem to have hit the spot already. You can also read travelexperiences at travelblog.org. I’d love to help you out more in detail with everything you are curious about but I’m not sure I want to post my email address openly here. I am very curious about the everyday life of people in other countries too. NY is great! I was there in May on a leisure trip with my collegues. We went to bars in The Village and Hells Kitchen and had a great time… with locals as well. ;)

Dew
Depends on what type you are shopping after. If you want the very groomed, sun tanned, rich or wanna be rich –type of guy then the clubs around Stureplan on Ostermalm is where you want to be. If you want the less groomed, “alternative-fashioned”, guy with a real or pretended deep interest in culture and obscure music then Sodermalm is the place for you. In my opinion you will probably find the most normal “Stockholm guys” at one of the hard to find clubs at Kungsholmen or Gamla Stan (Old Town). Of course these are generalizations and it is often down to what specific club you should go to in the different parts of Stockholm to find a certain kind of guy. Men in Sweden might be quite different depending on what city or part of Sweden they live in.

/ Johan

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Shug

October 10th, 2009 at 23:29

Hej to all,

I’m so happy that I stumbled upon this blog as I have been confused for sometime about a Swedish guy that I met this past Spring in NYC.

I am African-American born and raised in NYC. Tan skinned with brown hair and eyes. People compare me to Halle Berry but only because I am an actress and me and Halle do have similarities (short hair cut, same body type and height, similar eyes).

Okay so I met this Swedish guy early Spring at a bar that my best friend promotes parties at. My friend went to the bathroom and a few moments later the Swedish guy walked up to me and began talking to me. I noticed him before that and thought oh he’s cute but didn’t plan on talking to him. I just assumed I wasn’t his type. He told me he was in NYC for the weekend on leisure from his job (he resided in another US state for a short time for work). He was with his co-workers but they weren’t as open as he was.

I’m a great judge of character and thought this guy is pretty cool in my book so I invited him to my friends VIP table for a drink. I invited his co-workers but they declined. So we talked about various things and the chemistry was instant between us!

The lounge was closing so I invited him to a friends apartment for after hours. We were sitting on the couch and since the alcohol was in effect I hugged him and mind you I am usually prude with men I first meet. He started to rub his fingers through my hair and was giving me this look like I like you but I respect you. Out of nowhere I just kissed him. My best friend was shocked because he has never seen me like that with a guy I just met ever!! Later my friend told me he went to the bathroom because he saw the Swedish guy eyeing me at the bar (by the way, my best friend is a gay male).

We spent the whole next day together behaving like lovebirds out of some fairytale. He was very sweet, honest and open with me. I even invited him to my apartment which I never do with anyone I just met especially I man!! I got alot of what you ladies mentioned “the Swedish Stare” lol. He never made me feel like we have to do anything which made me want him more. We never had it but we did ALOT of four play! *smile*

He told me we wouldn’t see each other for a month because he had to so back to Sweden for work. I only received one phone call from him the entire month he was away, no emails either unless he was responding to my email. So I didn’t stress him just gave him his space to do what he needed. Suddenly, a month later exactly, he called me to tell me he was in NY and asked me if I wanted to go have a beer with him. I didn’t have plans so I accepted. I noticed he was more guarded this time. After the night ended I went with him to his hotel and yes we did it! haha. He was very passionate and somewhat dominating which I, a somewhat dominating woman, enjoyed.

The next day we went to the musuem, central park, all that tourist stuff I hate but was doing because he wanted to. He was so guarded he seemed cold but being the analytical, understanding person I am I just gave him his space and let him do what he wanted.

The next day he flew back to the state of his workplace. He was supposed to go to Sweden again for 6 weeks but was told he had to stay and would not be coming back to the US. I didn’t find this out until 5 months later because I emailed him a few times and he would never respond. Of course I was hurt but I just thought we didn’t establish anything official so why be upset. I decided to call because I thought maybe something was wrong. I week after I called he sent me an email saying how he lost his job, apartment, etc. Then I sent him an email to encourage him and left it at that. 2 months later he sent me an email apologizing for not being in touch. Then he told me he just wanted me to know that he thinks of me and keeps my picture (the headshot I gave him) to remember me by. He ended the message with besos which is what I usually end my emails with to him. I responded somewhat guarded because he is all the way on the other side of the country so I thought no need to go crazy. Then he responded back right away which he never does. I responded again asking what he was up to. He hasn’t responded back.

The thing is I think I love him because I can’t get him out of my mind and I think he may enter my life again someday but I don’t understand him clearly other then his innuendos. At this time I am open to meeting other guys, and have, but no one is like him in anyway…

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Shug

October 13th, 2009 at 01:13

I forgot to ask my question. lol.

Okay so he said in his last email ‘I don’t know if you have my number’ then he gave me his number. I was puzzled by this because I did call him 2 months ago why would I not have his phone number!?

Do you think he wants me to call him? I feel as if he should call me first at this point. I did reach out to him several times via email and called him twice since he’s been back in Sweden and it took him forever to respond. I think maybe he’s too scared or shy to call? Maybe he’s just feeling me out or curious as to how I’m doing?

Is there a Swedish man who can give me advice on this??

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CSG

October 25th, 2009 at 18:46

I saw a performance in my hometown (in Australia), and was immediately attracted to one of the performers (one of the buffest guys I have ever seen!), so I made contact with him online. I’ve chtted with him online for hours at a time, and it’s true what’s been said above, how they are open and honest, caring and polite. I’ve never officially met him face to face, but he was definitely responsible for the initiation of my somewhat obsessive attraction to Swedish men. I think it’s a valid assumption to make that I very nearly fell in love with this guy, and his mere presence online made me swoon (and his adorable English). It’s true to say from my experience that I see Swedish men as honest and open, but funny and friendly. Although I have no comments on the eye contact point, I agree with the other points made, especially since he seems to prefer when I begin our conversations, whilst he sits back and “waits”. I am unsure how good a representation of a real swede he is, considering his job requires him to his life travelling (only in Sweden once every couple of years), but he’s enough of a taste to start planning my future with a Swedish husband I am yet to meet (not the one I refer to). Let’s hope I find a suitable one :P
(btw, I’m jealous of all you women who say you have Swedish husbands!)

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Jessica

October 26th, 2009 at 16:21

@Shug I would call him. I’m not a Swedish man, but I’m married to one and had to make some of the first moves. I’m American and it took me a while to realize that Swedish guys just aren’t like American guys. They don’t want to come on too strong. and I think they would prefer to meet you in the middle. It takes a little more effort, but it’s worth it. Good luck to you! :)

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Jay

October 27th, 2009 at 20:18

TO SHUG

OMG…your story to too strange. I am from NYc and had a scary similar experince with a Swede I met here in NY. He even stold me the same story about lossing his job and apartment. I sure hope it’s not the same guy. What is his first name?

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Jay

October 27th, 2009 at 22:35

Sorry for my bad english…Im not from here.

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Jen

October 28th, 2009 at 21:18

What in general seems to be the Swedish man’s standing point on women who have children from a previous relationship? Seems like the American man’s stand point that I have gathered is usualy negative, are there cultural differances or simularities on this subject?

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Shug

October 31st, 2009 at 21:29

@ Jessica – I am still contemplating calling him but I am not so sure as I have tried reaching out to men in my past and it never works!! I am too scared to put myself out there like that for a guy I barely know but somehow have feelings for still. I emailed him maybe 3-4 times before he responded 4 months later! I called him twice while he was out there yet he has never once called me. So at this point I am very guarded and just plain skeptical about what to do.

@Jay – Are you a guy? Well the losing his job part may be true as Sweden is now being affected by the recession while American is somewhat coming out of it! I don’t want to give you his name on this blog but I can give it to you via email if that works for you!?

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Jay

November 1st, 2009 at 00:36

@SHUG – Hi, thanks for responding. I’m a girl living in NYC. It’s just that when I read your story I completely freaked out. I had a similar experience with a Swedish guy I met here in NY around about the same time during the summer. His first name starts with an”L”
I was worried that we may had met the same person, but I don’t think so. I experienced the same behaviour from my guy once he went back to Sweden. I called him twice, he never answered his phone whenever I e-mail him, he responds whenever he feels like. Sometimes three weeks later and sometimes not at all.

You wanna know what I think….these Swedish men are only used to seeing blonde haired, blue eyed women in Sweden and when they get her, they wanna experience something”different”. I’m Bi racial. Half white and half black…I guess I looked somewhat “exotic” to him…something he’s not used to seeing. After they’ve had they way with us…they dissapear. Maybe Swedish men are not all that difference from men in general.

My advice to you is to move on and keep doing you. Dont contact that guy again…if he wants you…he’ll find a way to reach out to you/ be with you without you having to try to get him to. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Good Luck.

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Angie

November 1st, 2009 at 15:05

I have been online dating a Swedish man for about 2 months. I am a black female (very dark), huge thighs and booty (size 12). When I finally got the courage to send my photos he went crazy for my big booty and chocolate skin colour! Is this normal?! He phones me/Skypes every week, texts and emails every day. I am a single mother of 2 and he doesn’t seem to mind (?!?!) He has recently told me he loves me and wants to meet me so we can discuss our future because he wants children with me (?!?!). A couple of weeks ago, I googled him using his name and the name of the company that is on his email address and it turns out that he is the CEO of the company and is a millionaire. So now I am confused because I dont know if he will ever be serious about me or is it all just an exotic experience for him. We are planning to meet next month in a neutral country but I just dont know how to handle all this; I have dated white guys before but not blonde haired, green eyed millionaires!! I have never told him I googled him but he acts very humble and down to earth and shies away from business/money discussions. He confides in me and says I am his soulmate. He is also 20 years older than me so I am wondering what he will expect in our first meeting… Any advice would be appreciated

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Veronique

November 9th, 2009 at 01:39

Interesting… Just googled and found this blog. Being an expat in a European city, alone with a kid, I am on a local socialization website just to keep up with whats going on. I met this swedish guy, 15 years younger than me, had a friendly chat exchanged numbers for a coffee just out of being polite and social, as I never thought about dating a guy so much younger. We became friends on Facebook as well and kept in touch since then. All this time he says he wants to date me and I laugh and joke and wait till he stops mentioning. But no, he has been getting more and more serious about dating me how he thinks I am cool and atttractive and kind and fun. Which I am :) but not for him- 15 years younger! The strange thing is I enjoy him a lot and I start to beieve he is honest- he would go away after one year of hitting on and not getting what he wants, right? I am a mediterannean woman with a few extra pounds much older than him, so I totally feel inconfident dating him- gorgeous handsome fun nice guy! But he seems to be really interested and does not let go… So I end up googling swedish men with the hope of finding an answer to my dilemmas :) I want to date him but does not seem appropriate and true!

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Chris

November 9th, 2009 at 11:59

Do Swedish men give compliments randomly to women? If not, are they trying to hit on the girls?

– this is highly individual. there is no national mentality deciding this. i love dealing out compliments to girls because of the happiness (often in my favor) it generates, whether i’m seriously hitting on someone or not.

Do you think women should hit on men or vice versa?

– Every man would be absolutely delighted with not having to lift a finger to get a cute girl interested in him but i guess since that’s an uncommon reality…

Do you celebrate Valentine’s day? Why or why not?

– no, we always forget about it.

Do people flirt in public? On the train, at the store, etc…

– oh, yes. sometimes to a frustrating extent. the “i want to do you”-gaze is widely used but rarely leads to anything more than that.

What are signs of flirtatious behavior?

– the above. and other things like… smiling? trying to be impressive without boasting too much? being empathic? however, since i think swedish men generally are quite shy (afraid to get rejected), they usually wait for some kind of “sign” before they really “go for it”. the process can be quite slow because of this. (also it takes some time to build up courage since beer is only around 5%.)

Why do men need to be on the verge of blacking out to hit on women?

– this is due to a number of reasons. first of all, as i said, swedish men are shy and afraid to be rejected. second, the more you drink, the more you lower your standards (a.k.a beer goggles). the logic tells us that if we get wasted beyond all sense we might actually end up getting some.

Does the ‘player’ culture exist?

– no. people cheat a lot on each other though.

What do you expect to happen on a first date? (not a first encounter, if that was the case)

– a nice time, basically. hopefully some kind of sign that there will be progress in the future.

Are Swedish women really that boring? Or are the Swedish men really that boring?

– i find the ubiquitous swedish woman stereotype (strong, self pronounced independent, “self aware”, feminist, big boned, etc) quite de-sexualised. don’t ask me why. there are a lot of cute, funny, witty, smart, down to earth girls aswell though.

i don’t really know about the men being boring or not. i guess i agree with what someone said in another post about guys who have spent a lot of time abroad being more interesting.

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Barbara

December 12th, 2009 at 22:32

Hello everyone!!!

A special hi to all the mexican girls out there im glad to see there are girls in love with swedish men so I don´t feel so weird myself you know??? anyway Im so confused I met 2 sweden guys about 2 months ago here in Mexico we first met at cancun and I totaly liked one of the guys and I hit on him, cause you know im crazy I lived in Europe many years so im kinda used to it lol anyway we ended up together that night and it was amazing, I felt for some strange reason I had met him for years God we had such a strong conection he makes me feel so comfortable and gorgeous when were together, for the weekend we got together in Mexico City and everything was perfect even his friend told me he had never seen him so happy and that if I didn´t rush things, probably a very nice relation could be the consecuence (go figure) well they left back to Sweden but they came again two months after we were together again he looked for me this blog is so interesting he only e mails me too never calls unless he´s already in Mexico its so funny and as all swedish I agree he´s a gentleman, funny love his face gestures oh adorable, but I totally messed everything I got very wasted and told him I was tired of him just looking for me just to have booty and I almost started crying jajaja pathetic I don´t recomend alcohol in situations like this… jaja anyway he was like oh don´t cry Im not playing I really like you bla bla, the thing is im confused did I do wrong or was it an accurate move?? im so scared things might change in a wrong direction after what I said because he´s coming again in February and I really want to see him its so much fun please tell me what you think
thank you!!!
Barbs 21, Mex.

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SwedishGuy

December 31st, 2009 at 18:30

I’m a swedish guy so if you have any questions then you can ask me :)

btw happy new year ;D

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SwedishGuy

December 31st, 2009 at 18:34

It doesn’t sounds like you guys have met Swedish guys .. the people you describe sounds so gay? but i guess you didn’t met the REAL ones ;) whait and see!

Mvh

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Ana

January 1st, 2010 at 02:00

Wow! extremely interesting! I’m mexican too and I wolud like some advice. About a month ago I met a swede in my hometown and we had a great time together. We hung out with a group of friends. He was planning to move to Mexico and hence was traveling all around the country. He left after a week of staying here, but a week later we met again in another city because we had to attend the same event and hung out a little bit.

I saw some of the signs mentioned above like the eye contact, the smiling and so forth. Something remarkable to me is that although there were many flirty girls going after him, he seemed to feel more comfortable around me, since I consider myself to be very honest and genuine. And although there were more people around (especially girls), I noticed he wasn’t really with the others, he basically tried to be more with me. He finally said that he had already chosen where to live, that is in a city about 3 1/2 hrs from here.

The thing is that we have sent some text messages to each other. More often is me who sends them first. Also, he has been asking people about me and my “qualities”. He says he hopes to see me later. The last time it was me who sent the message, so… what should I do? Should I wait until he texts me first? Am I crazy for thinking about him? After all, he didn’t choose my city yo live! Can someone please explain me what his behavior mean?? PLEASE!!!!!!

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Ana

January 1st, 2010 at 07:40

BTW his text messages seem to me like overly thought… and he doesn’t answer right away. It’s like if he was thinking and thinking about the right words to say, at least that’s what I get from his messages. And also when he does text me first it is always with an excuse… I have to admit that I find that adorable, but confusing. Do swedes text several women or do you think he only texts me? HELP!

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Sapphire

January 2nd, 2010 at 01:02

@Swedish Guy- Any advice for Ana? I think most of these guys described are Swedish men, just maybe slightly heterosexual.

@Ana – Take a deep breath. Has he moved to Mexico yet? And just to confirm, both of you already have a real attraction, not just a friends attraction?
I would continue sending messages and chatting to him, ask him more questions, etc. However, you should know already whether you have a connection to him, regardless of him being Swedish.

Let us know and happy new year!

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Ana

January 3rd, 2010 at 05:37

TY for answering Sapphire! He already found a house to live and will move in pretty soon. And I do feel we have a connection, an attraction, if you will. Even my friends and others noticed it, which is strange since we were acting “friendly”. But again, I really don’t know if his behavior is normal or not. I think it’s worth to mention that he is about ten years older, and also a little more outgoing than the rest of the swedes (according to what I’ve read) but probably only because he is trying to adapt to the new culture. I wouldn’t really mind that he texts me once in a while as long as I knew he only texts me.

I would really appreciate a comment from Swedish Guy. I like your comments to the other girls. Very honest. Just let me tell you that the swede I know is definetely NOT gay, and that he has high moral values. Believe me. But other than that, any advice from you (Swedish guy) will do. TY!

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Entjej

January 10th, 2010 at 19:45

It is interesting u started talking about that, guys. It is hard with the swedish fashion and the high health standards to figure out where plain vanity ends and where homosexuality starts. I want to ask predominantly the swedish guys here: how can we, foreign girls, tell if a swedish guy is straight, but taking care of his looks, (METROSEXUAL. Excuse me, i just don’t believe in that shit. If i guy puts lipgloss on, so his lips don’t get dry out in the cold, if he plucks his eyebrows and has his manicure done, i am getting SERIOUSLY TENSE.), whether he is a gay or bi? I am probably mostly afraid of the BI-group, because why would a 100% gay man aprroach me at all?! Unless he just wants to have kids to prolong his family name… But that even if not impossible, sounds like a soap-opera. Anyway, the question is – how to tell who falls for men too and who doesn’t?

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K.C.

January 12th, 2010 at 03:12

Thanks for all the postings!

What I know to be true about Swedish men IS the importance of eye contact. I have been in a relationship for several months now and it took a little getting use to the way he would stay in eye contact with me when we were communicating. I am a white American woman and I didn’t know I had a problem with making eye contact until I started dating my Swede.

He questioned my honesty on a few occasions because I wasn’t looking him in the eye. He also has some trust issues because he had been heart broken in the past by a cheating Swedish girlfriend.

How we met was a little unique since he was a client at my work. After working with him for short while I noticed an energy between us…and couldn’t overlook the amazing Swedish body and smile. He was so respectful and not indicating. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination. I took a big risk (I could lose my job) and gave him my number.

As soon as I confessed that I could not let him leave without asking him to dinner he transformed and told me that he was relieved that I made the first move. He said he didn’t want to come off as a jerk by hitting on me in my work place and he was saddened by the thought of never seeing me again. This was a bold move for me and it really paid off! We are crazy about each other.

Crazy jealous that is…….He has not gotten over the cheating Swedish girlfriend and in my world a jealous guy is normally a guilty guy. It makes things difficult for us. In my heart I know he has been faithful to me but his jealous nature makes me wonder about the motivation of his jealousy.

He is very open to mild forms of public affection. He enjoys even more letting the world know that I belong to him. This can be fun and sweet, but sometimes annoying in that cave man “Me Tarzan….”sort of way.

He is very giving with his love and his money. Often giving me gifts and refusing to allow me to pay. That was also a big adjustment for me as an independent woman.

He confessed to being a player in his college days (he’s 30) but also admitted that his dogging around came to a screeching halt after he had his heart ripped out by the cheating girlfriend.

I think all things considered he is very honest, almost to a fault. He shares his emotions freely and admits his weaknesses.

The jealousy is kind of a pain some times, but it can also make the relationship very passionate. He trusts me, but has no problem admitting when he is bothered by something.

I can’t say much about Valentines Day but my birthday was rolling in nice jewelry and flowers!

His opinion of Swedish women is pretty low with the exception of his mother. She is a Goddess in his eyes and I love him all the more for it.

Hope this helps!~K

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Beyrouth

January 12th, 2010 at 10:36

First of all… I really want to thank you Sapphire for giving us all a space to post our experiences, doubts and advices regarding swedish men.

I am from Mexico City, and I used to be an english teacher. I met a swede at the school I used to work for .

I love sarcastic men, and he never dissapointed me about that. I also learned that most of swedish people don’t like french people. He was from Stock (as he used to say ). He was the director of the school, he lived in Brazil for a couple of years before coming to Mexico.

Maybe that was the reason why he behaved different from common swedish guys(according to what I ‘ve read here) he winked a lot at me and he smiled at me all the time. he gave me well given kisses on the cheek, in Mexico we just kiss the air and make the sound most of the times. This is a polite kiss when we greet each other among mexicans.

He also used to greet me every day with a huge hug( I was 20 and he was 30), he used to kiss my hand and tell me I was very pretty and that I had a beautiful skin. I am short “5ft” he is around 6’5. It was crazy I looked like if i was his key chain :-) he was so flirty with me, I know maybe mexican girls or latin girls are well known for being hot and very sensual( not all of them of course, but when you meet a foreigner they always ask you while having this “excited” look in their eyes if you can dance salsa. lol it seems they think you must. i am not, I ‘m a shy girl. True I liked him, he was sooo handsome but I was shy. Also I noticed that swedes are very well educated sweet and nice. He took care very well of himself, he was always neat and smartly dressed. he had good manners and spoke properly all the time. He speaks 7 languages, he was soo confident and I liked that very much.

what it always confused me is this…

Once he locked me with him inside a bathroom, I told you I ‘m shy, and my education was quite conservative. the lights were off and I didn’t move, we spent like this a little less than a minute, just standing there in the dark, I felt him nervous then he left.

As months passed by I started to know him better, and when i asked him for a kiss, he refused. well he told me he had a girlfriend in Chile, he told me something like…” I cannot kiss you because if I kiss you I will have to tell her… and I am a very honest person, and I cannot lie to her. So I will say YES, I kissed her. then she will say screw you! and she’d be right” This happened a a few days before he went to Chile.

when he said that to me, he broke my heart. I told him that it was ok. it was actually his farewell party, funny at the end he kissed me and I haven’t seen him since that day.

Now I’ve grown up, and I can’t help but smile when I think of him.

maybe for many of you it is evident I screwed things up and you may be right. I sometimes regret about it.

But I am not sure yet, was he playing with me? or Did I mean anything to him at all?

i think it was something special but it may be not.

Please, advise

what do you think about this?

:-(

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yyy

January 17th, 2010 at 20:51

I’m an american girl and I find american men boring. Not all of them are, of course, but a large part of them think as their free time as an opportunity to drink beer and watch football. I don’t mind doing this once in a while, but I want to go out, watch independent movies, lilsten to music, travel, play chess, swim, go to different kinds of bars (not just sports bars). I hear swedish men are more versatile, speak several languages (as most europeans do), and their idea of fun at least includes a wider variety of sports.

Sincerely,
bored in america

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Emilie

January 21st, 2010 at 22:57

Oh my! Thank you for this blog!
I keyed in Swedish men because there is one (half English in fact) but he still has these traits of shyness, sensitivity, big hearted, passion and (I hope) honesty. I am very shy if I really like someone and have not had a chance (or courage?) to actually meet him yet. He is a FB friend but so quiet. I have messaged him a few times and he rarely replies. He is in the public eye and very good at what he does and around different women all the time. I am just so wary. And yes, I think he has been out with an Asian woman! So maybe I as a blue-eyed English woman am not his type! I don’t know.
I would like to know should I make a clear move on him? It is frustrating and a bit humiliating when he doesn’t reply to my messages. I have been in a really bad relationship before so am very wary of all men.

Thanks for any comments x

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WickedBizz

January 28th, 2010 at 21:13

I’m a Swedish guy and yes we’re very aware of our looks, we care alot about looking good and wearing fashionable clothes and so on. I can understand if foreign women easily mistakes swedish men for being gay. Swedish women on the other hand I think are so used to us men being “femalish” or whatever that they’re not labeling us as gay. I also do think that what is seen as “gay-behaviour” in countries outside of Scandinavia is not seen as it here. I mean, I know a bunch of straight guys who have made out with other straight guys at partys and such, no big deal, no one over here is judging them and nor is anyone questioning their masculinity. Guys picking their eyebrows and getting manicures are nothing unusual. In fact, not shaving your body (yes, everything except your head and lower legs) is absolutly more uncommon than doing it. I don’t really know where all this started or why we’ve become so “meterosexual”, but nor do I care.

Have in mind that I’m only 19 years old living in a city and Swedish men over 30 or living on the country-side might not be able to relate to this.

And another thing!.. About the thing with swedish men and the need for that special eyecontact before approaching a girl, SO TRUE!.. haha

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prosti4@yahoo.se

February 1st, 2010 at 20:43

Hej WickedBizz! Tack för ditt svar. :) A question again then: how can a straight guy be making out with another straight guy? This is exactly what worries me! I still can’t tell who is straight but taking care of himself and who is not straight. I can tell you that: If i see the guy making out with another guy, i would know what to think, but in any other case, i might not be sure.
About the shaving – personally i don’t mind. If it brings better hygiene, go for it (as for everything else like that). That doesn’t worry me. What worries me is :
1) the clothing style. I can’t tell if someone is stylish or gay.
2) the attitude to other men
3) the attitude to women (is he not approaching a girl because he doesn’t like her, because he is gay or because he is shy?).
How do i know whether a swedish man is really interested in me if he only calls me when he is drunk but swears he loves me? Or, that’s even better: How do i know if he is interested in me if he is so shy? (these are two different guys, naturally :) )
I am currently dating a swedish guy. He is adorable. But i am telling you – at times i am just not sure what is going on. Is he still interested? Will he call now? (yes, they call me too, haha). I don’t know whether he agrees with me on stuff because he wants to be polite or because he really wants me to like him! So i don’t really know where I stand, what he ACTUALLY thinks and so on!
Tell me WickedBizz. :) Oh, and WIckedBizz might be very right. Some things might be age-related too, so, guys over 30, please respond too!

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Startin'Up.

February 2nd, 2010 at 21:36

Hello, i’m Swedish, and I just wanted to point out that most swedish guys are pretty shy and that kinda stuff.
Though, all you need to do as a girl to a swedish guy (in my case though) to give good eyecontact.
Seriously, when some girl give me good eye contact, smile and stuff, it can even make my day :)
It happens sometimes that after good eye contact I usually come up and compliment them.

Though, I can also be shy at various points. Don’t know what to do and say and stuff.
That’s a sign when you know I think the girl is very nice, pretty etc.

I have friends in the US, UK, and spread out over Europe.
They thought of me first as that shy guy who is boring and stuff.
But when they got to know me, they said I had fantastic humour, intelligent, and like me as a friend.
I have heard from other girls that I am good looking and I find myself attractive aswell. :)
I care maybe too much for my friends and close-ones, and put other infront of myself instead of the other way around.

Okay, enough of me.
Swedes doesn’t have the rep to have player attidudes and all that bullshit behaviour, and I can inform you, there are players (like anywhere else) but fewer of them.

I would really like to see more international girls in Sweden though and get to know them and their country more.
Soon I will be traveling to other countries, and I can’t wait to get to know more people in real life all over the world :)

Btw, great blog here, keep up the excellent work ;)
*whisper* Don’t forget the eye contact, that’s my fuel :)

Sorry for my great wall of text, I’m sure China wants it back. xD

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Latina girl

February 3rd, 2010 at 06:01

Hej to all!

Startin’Up. – You seem nice and honest, so I have some questions for you if you wouldn’t mind.
I’m from Venezuela and I have a swedish friend over here. I guess being abroad helps him to be a little less shy, but anyways… how can I know if he has an interest in me or if we are just friends? We use messenger to communicate but he never says hi to me! I always have to say hi first. That’s not nice. Is that common? or am I being too naive? About the eye contact… totally true. He gives me the famous “swedish male look” and smile… so adorable. And he pays extra attention to me. But that might only be politeness. So, I’m a little confused about what to do, how to behave, what NOT to do also. Is there anything I can do to make him like me more?… I guess that’s a “guys secret”, but think about him and how happy he could end up being :)
P.S. if you travel to latinoamerica, I could give you some tips as well :)

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Entjej

February 3rd, 2010 at 09:23

@ Startin’Up: Great joke about the great wall of text… :)
I am sorry you have to travel, that will be a loss. :)

I will be away for the next 5 days myself, but when i come back, i will ask you a few more questions. Ha det så bra! Kram

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WickedBizz

February 3rd, 2010 at 16:08

Heeyy Again!
prosti4@yahoo.se u asked “how can a straight guy be making out with another straight guy?”.. Quit honestly, I don’t know. I don’t really have a good answer to that. I guess we’re very opened minded?
I don’t understand why you’re so worried about this. I mean so what if you would happend to hit on a gay guy? And actually, chances aren’t bigger here than anywhere else. And if you don’t want a meterosexual man, than it shouldn’t be so hard to discern them from a men who’re not.
But yeah, it probably can be hard for a foreign person to tell if alot of swedish men are gay or not. But why does this have to be a problem? I mean, if he give you “the look” then it’s a go! :P
About that guy of yours you were talking about. If the guy calls u when he’s drunk telling u he loves u then he probably likes u! Unless he’s just looking for some late night fun. The best thing you can do is just to ask him! Ask him how he feels about you, that’s the best advice I can give.

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Startin'Up.

February 3rd, 2010 at 16:48

@Latina girl
I recognize that scenario actually.
I don’t know for sure how your relationship with him is working out, but most of us like when the girl say hi first most of the time and when the girl is taking the first step.
Though, give him some breathspace if you haven’t already done that, so maybe he can process the situation a little more.
In my case, I LOVE when the girl say hi and takes the first step and stuff like that, but I always wanna return with something good also, and not just sit there waiting for the girl to ask questions.

If you want to get his attention, maybe stay offline or lay low for a couple of days or just don’t say anything, next thing you know he probably will say hi or something.
Have worked for me when I wanted to talk to a girl when I was to shy to make the first move.

Though, I don’t wanna give you orders what to do, I maybe just screw something up.
Do what feels right :)
And thanks, you’ll be the first one to ask if I ever go to latinoamerica :)

@Entjej
Haha okay :)
I’ll be wating.
Hare braa :D

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Latina girl

February 4th, 2010 at 20:18

@Startin’Up.

Thanks for the advice! I’ll do that! I won’t say hi next time I see him on line. I’ve been wanting to do that but I wasn’t sure because I thought that, since I always say hi, if I stop greeting him he might think something is wrong. Actually we do have good conversations and he chats a lot, it’s just that he never starts the conversations and I wonder if that is because of a lack of interest. Maybe he just wants to be polite. Do you think that if he wasn’t interested he would make that clear? Also, with e-mails and other stuff he shares more than I do, like documents, pictures and other things, but he won’t do it if I don’t send him an e-mail first… in our conversations he always tells me his plans, what he is doing, likes and dislikes, etc. And sometimes he teases me about other men… some foreigners from Europe and USA that are just walking by! never with locals. So I don’t know what to think about this. Either he is not interested in anything more than a friendship or he is jealous.

I want to let him know that I care about him but without acting or looking desperate. And I want him to show that he cares enough to take steps too… cuz it looks like if he was following my lead! He is the man and I’m the woman… why does he act like the woman?
Anyway, thanks for answering my crazy questions. You’re a nice guy :)

P.S. I posted something on the saction “dating in Sweden… we americans need a guide”, so if you want to take a look and comment on it that would be great! (another Great Wall here lol)

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Karl

February 5th, 2010 at 05:20

Hello! Im a guy from Sweden but I live in America at the moment. I just came in on this page totally random, and i see alot of you seem to wonder alot about swedish
men, since ive been living in America for more than 6 months and traveled to more than 25 countries before, ive met alot of people from different cultures and I think i know very good how Swedish people differ from other people. I just want to tell you that if you have any questions you can mail me, I would be happy to helpy you! Kal_karl@hotmail.com

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Startin'Up.

February 7th, 2010 at 01:54

@Latina girl
Hahah :)
Well, it’s clear he is pretty interested in you because otherwise I think he would have told you that he wasn’t or something, or like many other cowardice chickens on msn that just avoid and block people they donät like.
So don’t worry, seems to me he is pretty interested but afraid of taking the first move.
The best thing should be if you asked him to meet up again or sometime.
Hope I’ve helped a bit, ask more if you got something else on your mind :)

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Startin'Up.

February 7th, 2010 at 01:55

Sorry, really fatigued while typing this.
Sorry for typos.

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Emilie

February 7th, 2010 at 12:15

:-) hey you all…
I posted a little while back about this guy, half Swedish, half English, he grew up here, but obviuosly has Swedish traits as he is shy, is not full on etc. We have not met but he is in the public eye so I have got to know him a bit, strange as it may seem! Also we are FB friends. Well, I would message him and he rarely replied but then maybe he thought it was just minor fan flirtation but I did not know how to take it further as actually when I really really care for someone I find it difficult! Well I said finally if he didn’t want me as a friend and I had got it wrong he should delete me. He replied on 2 hours! He said he just had a lot of junk mail, usually ignored the inbox, but that he would try to keep on top of it. Well a week and a half later after no more reply I am like, hmm, right!!! Then I got an invite from him to a club!

Great yes?? Lol no!! I am on holiday on that day (next month!) So I had to say thanks but maybe another time… no reply yet! What I have learnt is that it is important to make it clear I care and that he his shy and needs to take his time, a lot of time (and maybe it is the Swedish male way!) I am so pleased I actually took that step and asked what was going on. I was scared! But he matters enough :-). Also yes, I backed off for a couple of weeks and he came to me more then. Courting… it is a dance, yes? Step together, step apart… and back together ;-) a gentleman!

Thank you for all your comments, they really help :-).
Wall back to China! Lol xx

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Latina girl

February 10th, 2010 at 03:34

@ Startin’Up
Well, thanks again, I hope you are right. Do you have any idea of how I can tell if he is just interested in a friendship or in something else? I mean, is there anything Swedish men do exclusively when they like a woman? The smiling doesn’t really count because I think it’s just your (swedish men) natural charm, or am I wrong?… For example… teasing, is that very common? winking… touching… and that kinda stuff.
And I also heard that you guys take everything seriously, nothing by impulse, that you are very cautious because you don’t want to be hurt or something, and that the dating process can be very slow but only because of the need to be certain about things but that it’s a sure process… how much of that is true??
My best wishes to you, and also to every swedish man on earth!

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Entjej

February 11th, 2010 at 11:24

Hello guys!

@WickedBizz
:) I like your answers. They are always so detailed and helpful!
About your last one – I just want to tell you It is NOT about open-mindedness…. I am open-minded enough. I have a few gay friends. It is not the idea of the two men by itself that repells me. It is the idea of having one of them as a boyfriend. I just wanted to say that if two men are making out, then they are definitely NOT STRAIGHT. Anyway, how do u answer my today’s questions? :)

@Startin’Up
Nu är jag tillbaka till Sverige. :) Alright, alright.. In english. How have you been? Are you still in Sweden or somewhere out there already? :) Now, to you and

To all swedish guys:

1) So, i am now wondering … Imagine you are dating this foreign girl for a while (let’s say a month, it’s easier) and how does she know where she stands? Is that a relationship? Or are you just dating her? When do you stop doing it with other women? And again – when does she know? Looks like these are many questions, but truth is just one – how do you let the girl know she is THE ONE?

2) Now, this question is an up-to-date one, since it’s coming in 3 days. Valentine’s . What do swedish men think and do about it? Does it matter? Will he use it to say “I love you”? Will he be totally irritated and annoyed by it and will try to not even talk about it? Does Valentine’s have direct relation to what the swedish guy feels and shows for the girl?

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Björn

February 19th, 2010 at 04:19

@Entjej

Hmm well if I was dating a foreing girl for a month and I liked her, I would simply tell her I would want it to be official. And for “when do you stop doing it with other women?” well it really depends on the guy, I wouldt date a woman for a month while sleeping with another but thats just me, I cant speak for the other guys. Everybody works differently, but it does seem that things get official pretty fast among the people I know, and if its not official fast its usually just casual stuff with the agreement from both parties from the start. And if not that then well its the guy/girl having others on the side and not interessted in a relationship. This is how Ive experienced things atleast. Hope it helps

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Entjej

February 19th, 2010 at 13:37

@ Björn
Seems like you are quite straight forward (good thing). I am myself too (good thing, hopefully) :). He, however, is not so very much. I often have a feeling he is shy, he himslef said he is insecure and very often if not all the time i have a feeling he says and does what he thinks i wanna hear… That doesn’t really let me get to know him. I know he likes me, since he keeps wanting it with me. I know he likes me, since he is texting me every day and is even calling me. I know he likes me because now i feel like he takes it as something normal to spend his weekend with me (even if we do other things during the day separately, on a saturday, for example). He doesn’t say anything about his own feelings or intentions though. He doesn’t seem to be a player. I don’t think there are lots of women around him. (There are men around me though). That’s why i don’t know what to think. Am i rushing things, is he taking it slowly or is he not determined to make something more serious out of it!?

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WickedBizz

February 19th, 2010 at 22:17

@ Entjej

Well, the fact that a “straight” man can make out with another man just for the fun of it might not be about open-mindedness, I agree. But I think I meant that the fact that people i general can laugh and be okey with it is about open-mindedness. Swedes are free to do what they want without being judged. Then of course I understand you wouldn’t want a boyfriend who are kissing other men just for the fun of it. But me peronally don’t think anyone in a relationship should be making out with other people, men or women.

1) I don’t think I would “date” a girl for a whole month. Either I fall in love from the start or I don’t fall in love at all. But then of course I’m only 19 years old and that may change in the future :P
When I fall in love, I REALLY fall in love and I’m sure the girl is noticing that pretty easy. But lets say I fall in love with a girl and she’s telling me she wants to take it slow and son’t rush things.. Of course I’ll ease off but if she’s having sex with other men after a month we’re DONE. But that’s just me and I think every guy is different.

2) Me personally likes Valentine’s Day and I would of course try to make my girlfriend feel special on that day. And yes I would tell her I love her (if I do :P). But I think swedish men in general don’t really care to much about Valentine’s Day, especially compering to americans. It’s pretty populare to buy your girlfriend a rose but that’s probably it. So if your man didn’t do anything special for you on Valentine’s Day you don’t have to worry. And really, it’s the everyday things that matter.

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Entjej

February 21st, 2010 at 20:25

@ WickedBizz

Very wisely said, my dear. :) It seems like you are quite mature for your age. And you also know your fellow-swedes quite well.
Vore trevligt att prata med dig, har du nån typ av messenger?
Vi kan väl vara vänner. ;) Jag har skype – pantera575. Adda mig, så pratar vi.

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WickedBizz

February 23rd, 2010 at 21:52

@ Entjej

Aavisst det skulle va trevligt, jag använder dock inte skype. Använder du msn så kan du adda mig (tim.lundberg@hotmail.com) ifall du vill.
Du verkar prata (eller ja skriva iaf) väldigt bra svenska! Hur länge har du bott här och varifrån kommer du egentligen?

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LaSuede

February 24th, 2010 at 04:10

Here’s little tip for those of you considering coming to Sweden.

http://www.couchsurfing.org/

It is definitily the best way to experience a city, and it’s people.

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Entjej

February 24th, 2010 at 20:49

@ WickedBizz

Ett stort tack till dig för komplemangen! :) Ska förbättras iaf! :)

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Startin'Up.

February 26th, 2010 at 15:45

@Latina girl

Woh, I’ve been up to much lately so I didn’t have time to answer.
Sorry, for my inconvenience.

Well, in my case, teasing is flirting nonetheless. Same with winking and touching.
And, yes, we are cautious, and we are afraid to get hurt.

Though, I wanna ask you something.
Since it was a long time I’ve visiting this blog, is it working out for you and that sweidsh guy?
I’m pretty curious if my tips have helped. :)
Thanks :) and all my best wishes goes to you :)

@Entjej

I’m feeling great :) thank you. How are you doing then?
Haha, no, I’m still in Sweden and I will stay here for quite some time more, though I wanna see other countries too.
Really curious!

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Startin'Up.

February 26th, 2010 at 15:47

hahah, so typical too see my typos when I’ve already posted it xD

Visitied*
Swedish* and not sweidish. xD

Sorry, i’m quite in a rush at the moment.

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Startin'Up.

February 26th, 2010 at 15:48

VISITED*
gosh! HAHA xD

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Björn

February 27th, 2010 at 00:14

@Entjej

I often hear that I am pretty straight forward, but its the first time I hear straight up that its a good thing=). I can see a bit of myself in what you describe about your guy though. I wouldt talk about my feelings much, not unless I am asked about them and even then Id probly just say the minimum to get it over with. Not because I am shy per se, but I honestly cant think of any reason at all why it would be an interessting subject. I mean if Im happy I am happy and if Im angry I am angry, and I dont dwell on it too much. The biggest difference between him and me would be that I am very straight forward about my intentions, for example if I was dating a girl and wanted it to be serious Id make sure to let her know that I want a serious relationship. So perhaps just ask him in a straight forward way and maybe you will get the answer.

I read through the whole thread and saw your question about how to know if a swedish guy is straight or not. Take me for example. I usually go to a establishment to get a tan once a week (sorry cant remember the right english word for it) I buy clothes that are trendy and I use cologne daily. I work out and I take alot of care of my appearance. I do this to make sure that I dont look like a slob. And despite all that I often hear that I have this macho thing going on lol, and I am 100% straight. That would probly sound like a gay man in other cultures but here its things like gay or hetero is very open and its considered very immature to be prejudice about it. If I had to draw a line between straight and gay it would be when a man goes beyond that.

Not crystal clear I know but it is the best I can do so hopefully it will be of some help=).

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Entjej

February 27th, 2010 at 02:39

@ Björn

Yes, definitely it is a good thing!! When people are straight forward, i like it, because it gives me an exact idea of where i stand and what they want, expect and so on. Otherwise i have to guess (i am good at it, but why do it, if you can skip it?) and that creates tension and/or misunderstandings. That noone likes.
“I can see a bit of myself in what you describe about your guy though”, you said. Does that mean I will like you? :) (By the way, he hasn’t still verbalized his feelings or intentions and it starts to annoy me).
And yes, i am convinced you are not gay. No gay man would resist any opportunity to talk about their feelings, but honestly, i prefer to know what is going on in my man’s head, instead of having to guess (same issue here as above). But i know you are not gay, it shows from the way you speak and what you have to say. :)
As i said before – i am not, i am NOT prejudiced about gay people. I have a few best friends who are gay. I just don’t want to have a man who’s making out with other men (or involved with them in any way when it comes to love and sex. I don’t want one who’s involved with other women, either :). It is simple. And I don’t mind a guy who’s taking care of he’s looks. So, very straight forwardly said, i want a 100% straight man. Who is not dating men behind my back :).

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Björn

February 28th, 2010 at 01:51

@ Entjej

Well first off, I absolutley agree with you about the straight forward thing. I would want to know from the start if a girl want a serious realtoinship or not. And about the other thing, I did not mean it as a line to flirt with you as I already know that you have a guy, and that you are interssted in him. And I find it a bit disrespectful to pick up a girl who is already seeing someone=). As for, “Does that mean I will like you? :)”. Well to be absolutley honest, I would consider myself extremly lucky if I would find a girl that would make the same effort just to understand me and the culture Im grown up with as you do by being here and asking these questions. To make it short, I doubt I would ever be that lucky hehe. But no I didt mean it as a way to say that you will like me. But who knows=P.I said it because its possible that him and me have alot in common and just a way to help you understand him. Becaue I really hope it works out for you. Especially since it seems you really do your best to make it work.

I never thought of you as being prejudice to gay people and I apologize if it looked like I was. I just meant that it can be a bit harder to tell the difference lol, as I have female friends who has non swedish backgrounds and find it hard to understand who is what.

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Entjej

February 28th, 2010 at 03:29

@ Björn

Well, here’s some news for you. I will not be seeing this guy anymore. Not after tonight, no. I am not sorry I put all the efforts into understanding him (not being him only, but him being a swede), but it turned out it was totally not worth it (not for him being a swede, but for him being himself :) ). He turned out a coward. And i don’t need a coward. I was very straight forward with him tonight and i told him what i thought and he didn’t seem to appreciate my honesty. I told him i myself didn’t know where that was going and that i don’t actually know what to expect from it. He said, i quote: “A libra and a virgo don’t go well, do they?!” (sorry if you are one of those :) ). Well, i guess that answers the question whether i would go on dating a stupid guy too. So, i never got an exact reason for why he thought the things he thought.
I honestly don’t think that you two have so much in common. Maybe the nationality and the common background, yes. But even now I am not sure what he is saying (and it is not a language problem!) or what he wants!
And no, i didn’t think you were flirting. :) It’d be better to flirt with someone like you rather than him, I feel like i have wasted my time dating him.
So, consider yourself lucky still :) , i will never get enough of learning about Sweden and swedish people. :)
Thank you for your hope that it will work out for me and him – men sluta hålla tummarna, because it will not. There is something specific about me and it is i am never interested in men who are not clearly and only interested in me. And that doesn’t change with the nationality.
About doing my best at understanding him – I always do my best at whatever i do and i hope you will keep on being there for me to help me understand swedish people and typical swedish things? :)
You stunned me with your last passage as well. Jag uppskattar det. Very well said. This is exactly how i felt about it and it definitely made me feel good that you understand what I meant. :)

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Emilie

February 28th, 2010 at 12:46

Hmm. I tell you this… I have studued communication and culture and am very much against any stereotypical assumptions. However, I have to say that there seem to be similar traits in Swedish men (from this blog and the one Swedish guy that I know anyway). OK so we haven’t yet met lol however I got to know him a little through the job he does. He was really quite flirtatious and even scared me a little. I have been hurt by men and pulled back. OK so maybe he was not sure where he stands with me. He invited me to an event that I couldn’t go to because I am away but when I tried to message with him and I asked why he wasn’t replying to my questions, he removed me from his chat list! Well I thought it was an error on the site and sent him my number. Then I was very upset when I realised it was deliberate rudeness on his part and I have ignored him since. I don’t see what else to do as he has had my number two weeks now and done nothing. I wonder if he just wants to havee women without having a meaningful relationship. I won’t even ask him his reasons now as I have some pride! Also at the bottom of this page it says “Rude Swedes are not an oxymoron”. Well, I don’t think any human being should be excused from rudeness!!! xx

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Latina girl

February 28th, 2010 at 22:48

@Startin’Up
You are very funny!lol You made me laugh when I read about your typos!
Well, there’s not much to say about my story. I’ve been busy and I haven’t had much time to put all your tips into practice just yet. But I WILL. I’ve thought about some of the things that you said like that thing about the fact that he has not blocked me. It seems to be true that some guys do that because of what Emilie said in the last comment about that guy that removed her from his chat list.
So stay tuned because I will put your tips into practice and I will let you know if they helped.
I haven’t been to Sweden so I don’t know a lot about the its culture, but I’ve read some positive and also negative things about the people. I have known only two swedish men in my life but from those experiences and from talking to you and Bjorn I think the negative comments are not true and not fair either. Of course I can’t think that all swedes are like you, but so far so good =)
P.S. Don’t worry abou your typos, we all have them =)

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Emilie

March 1st, 2010 at 22:32

Lol well if only it was that simple. I am on another chat site too and he hasn’t blocked me on either site. But he certainly hasn;t replied to my messages. Unless the stupid site messed up, which has been known! Yet I am too scared of being hurt to risk asking. And then he referred to me the other day.
All in all I am confused! I also feel pretty miserable around it all. Do I just leave it and move on? Sigh.xx

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Sapphire

March 1st, 2010 at 22:50

Emilie, hang tight dear. And don’t waste your tears on him if he’s not reciprocating.

Send him a follow up mail and if he’s still unresponsive, go enjoy life. Maybe’s he scared, maybe he’s an idiot, or maybe not that into you.

But don’t let your life be about him. At all. Be you =)

xoxo sapphire

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Latina girl

March 2nd, 2010 at 00:30

@Emilie
I understand you. That’s how I feel, CONFUSED. With the guys over here I know (most of the times)whether they like me. If only it was that simple! I think he kinda likes me but not enough to do anything about it. sigh!

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Andreas

March 2nd, 2010 at 10:38

Nationality and personality isn’t related, there are jerks, good guys, bad guys, abusive guys and what not in Sweden, and in all the other countries. You can’t generalize indivudual personalities.

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Emilie

March 2nd, 2010 at 20:41

Thanks :-) to all of you, I agree with all each of you have said. He was responding but seemed to stop when I asked questions of him, so maybe he is just emotionally unavailable! I just wonder if it is a trait of Swedish guys that they find it difficult to move things on. I am kind of giving up now. There is another guy who is giving me lots of attention (just a friend right now but we are getting closer) and it just seems so much easier. It takes two to make it work. A girl likes to know she’s wanted you know. xx

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Björn

March 2nd, 2010 at 22:09

“Entjej Ah I misunderstood then. Lol thats what I get for talking in the phone and reading here at the same time, perhaps its a male and multi-tasking thing=). Well after reading what you said about him I would have to agree, him and me dont have much in common after all. Except for not talking about my feelings much hehe. “A libra and a virgo don’t go well, do they?!” was pretty shocking to see, I thought such excuses only existed on TV. I think its really cool that you are determined about what kind of guy you want. That makes me think that I maybe have more in common with you than that guy lol. In the sense that I rather be single than having a half-hearted relationship as opposed to being with someone just so I dont have to be alone. Yeah I like talking to you so I’ll definitley stick around to answer your questions to the best of my abilities=).

You seem to know the swedish language very well, but if you feel like practicing, I can help out with that too=).

@Emilie

Hard to say, I dont know how you two started out exactly but if he is shy and also interessted in you, he might be a bit intimidated if you show too much interesst. Then again as I understand it, he more or less ignored you for a while so maybe you should just not dwell on the matter and just go with the other guy instead=).

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Entjej

March 3rd, 2010 at 23:26

@ Björn
Haha, for sure multitasking is not one of the best male qualities :)
About the libra-virgo thing. I think he is just a coward who was trying to find many excuses, all of them stupid, because he is not brave and mature enough to take responsibility for his actions.
Yeah, i think we have a few things in common, you and me. :) And hopefully, we don’t have so much in common with that guy. Btw, he sent me an sms today. I wonder what for.
Anyway, that’s not so important anymore. The important thing is: i wouldn’t be with someone to just not be alone either.
“Yeah I like talking to you so I’ll definitley stick around to answer your questions to the best of my abilities=).” – wow, THIS is how i like to be treated! :D Seriously, that gave a really warm feeling. Thank you. :)
And yes, i need A LOT of practising, so how will you help?

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Björn

March 4th, 2010 at 02:02

@ Entjej

Yeah it does sound like an excuse more than anything. About the sms, well thats our thing lol, allthough I do like phonecalls better unless its just something fast that I got to say.

“wow, THIS is how i like to be treated! :D Seriously, that gave a really warm feeling. Thank you. :)” Im glad it made you happy=). I gladly help out, and like I said Im having a good time while doing it so I hope you dont run out of questions hehe.

About the swedish, well it depends on how much you already know. Just trying to talk it for a length of time a couple of times a week would go along way when learning another language. Other than that well I got a knack for scrounging up stuff so I could probably find you a language learning software, ebooks for learning and that sort of stuff. If anything of that sounds interesting just let me know.

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Entjej

March 4th, 2010 at 19:35

@ Björn

Yeah. Well, as my friends say, some good guy must be with me, not this one. “About the sms, well thats our thing lol” – i know :), though swedes don’t hesitate to call me. Even that guy (who himself says how insecure and shy he is) was calling me, quite regularly.
That’s because i’m really nice to talk to and i have a nice voice. :P

Yeah, it made me happy, the way you treated me :). I will not run out of questions. And i will definitely enjoy talking to you more too :)

About the language. I wanna talk and chat because i understand, but have to work on my way of speaking. A swedish spellchecker is what i need on the software side. So, that’s what i’m hoping you can help me with. :)

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Bella

March 4th, 2010 at 22:11

So I’m in need of some urgent advice about a Swede in one of my classes… you guys seem to be fairly well versed when it comes to Swedes so… how the hell do you ask out a swede?? or make “a move” on him? I’ve never dated anyone, let alone asked anyone out but now that I am considering it, I’ve realized I have no idea how to broach the topic. Help!

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Björn

March 4th, 2010 at 22:54

@ Entjej

“That’s because i’m really nice to talk to and i have a nice voice. :P” You are very nice to talk to, no idea about your voice though, but Im tempted to try to find out=P

“Yeah, it made me happy, the way you treated me :). I will not run out of questions. And i will definitely enjoy talking to you more too :)”
Glad to hear it and Im looking forward to it=)

I dont think a spellchecker would be hard to come by at all, there should even be one on the computer you are already using. But maybe that only works when the computer is set on swedish. Would you like grammar help on it as well or just spell checking?

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Entjej

March 4th, 2010 at 23:27

@ Björn

You are very welcome to try and find out then! :P

You put a smile on my face again. After a hard day of work this is a very nice thing. :)

Ehm… I don’t know about that. My computer is set on swedish, but i have no spellcheck… :( Grammar help as well will be very nice too, thank you. :)

And now, i go to bed, since today i got what you would call utmattad, but i am definitely going to sleep in a much better mood now and it is entirely your fault. :P

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Björn

March 5th, 2010 at 03:15

@ Entjej

“You are very welcome to try and find out then! :P” I’ll be straightforward then hehe. You seem like a very nice girl and also seem to be alot of fun, and I would love to hear your voice=). So I would like to talk to you on a more regular basis. So with that said, if you use any chat software, would you mind if I added you? =)

I think I can find a decent software for you, ill ask some people who work with that stuff so ill know what to look for, shouldt be a problem to find any.

“And now, i go to bed, since today i got what you would call utmattad, but i am definitely going to sleep in a much better mood now and it is entirely your fault. :P” That gave me a very varm feeling to be honest hehe, sweet dreams=)

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Entjej

March 5th, 2010 at 07:41

Yes, i would like to talk to you on a more regular basis too. :) I use skype mostly and that will be pantera575, so I absolutely wouldn’t mind if you added me. :)

Thank you for the software problemsolving!! :)

Very nice :), I hope you slept well too. :) Now i am in a hurry for work, but hopefully i see you on skype soon. Have a nice day! :)

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ageha

March 5th, 2010 at 11:41

hej!.. im an asian,im a married woman living in japan and have a child..Everything started on the internet..i guess,,he(pertaining to my swede)found my profile and my pics so interesting that he asked for my YM add,and yes i gave him my add then we started chatting everyday for almost 8 months..
i was attracted to him the first time i saw him on webcam and felt that connection everyones looking for..at first i was hesistant to tell him the truth about my marriage and my child..so i made up stories,lies,stuff like that..maybe bcuz i was too scared that he wont talk to me again..but that didnt happen,it was the other way around..
he accepted me after explaining things to him that i wasnt really inlove and really dont love my husband at all..i told him the reason why i married my husband and why my marriage is not working..and he understands..
Till we decided to meet in person..well,yeah ofcourse not in my place..nor his..you see how complicated things are for me and him,,and yes finally we met last january in a tropical country and actually my origin..i flew there w/ my daughter..he met her twice and he was really nice to her..we also went out w/ my lil sis and some of my friends..everyone finds him really good looking and nice even my lil sis told me that she got a crush on him..
In a very short span of time together he has shown me how special i am to him..We talked about our feelings for each other,our plans,he asked me to get a divorce and he really wants to marry me..and before we flew back to our homes..he made it clear that i am his real gf and he is my real bf..he is really serious about me..and that he wants a future w/ me..and i know im inlove w/ him..and i also told him that this is not a game for me and that i dont wanna make the same mistakes again..we promised we gonna make our relationship works even if its hard bcuz we are far from each other..
Now that he is back in Sweden, there are things running through my mind but so far everything is ok,,he make sure he calls before he zzz,,we chat and see each other on webcam everyday..what worries me is that he might find another girl and that his feelings might change..and he might wake up one day and get tired of waiting and realize why wait for a committed girl like me if there are lots of girls around..
I just wanna know,,if you swedish guys are really man of your words?i mean if you guys tell a girl that you are willing to wait..do you really mean it?..
..thanks!..more power!

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Moonlight

March 6th, 2010 at 18:12

Hi, all, I’m suffering over a swede as well… Been googling about swedish men and found this:) I wont copy/paste my blog – you can have a look for yourselves, he has totally conquered me, I’ve got to see him again…

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Björn

March 6th, 2010 at 18:14

@ Bella

Try to make make eye contact with him, and when you get it. Be sure to put on your most seductive smile and a look of desire in your eyes. After that he should be coming to you. If he does not however, then it could be that he is just shy. To solve that, just say hi to him everytime you meet him, sorta like a wild animal, you must make him feel acclimated to your presence lol. Basically just take the same route to get to know him as you would with a new friend. After that things should go smoothly.

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Entjej

March 6th, 2010 at 19:20

@ Björn

(Apparently I forgot to write to whom my last post was addressed, but it is kind of obvious that it is :@ Björn and not someone else… :) ANd here it comes again)

Yes, i would like to talk to you on a more regular basis too. :) I use skype mostly and that will be pantera575, so I absolutely wouldn’t mind if you added me. :)

Thank you for the software problemsolving!! :)

Very nice :), I hope you slept well too. :) Now i am in a hurry for work, but hopefully i see you on skype soon. Have a nice day! :)

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Björn

March 7th, 2010 at 00:50

@ Entjej

I added you (pantera575) but perhaps something went wrong. Trying again. if you dont get any message now then let me know. And I’ll make a new skype account and try again.

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Ckye

March 7th, 2010 at 08:59

Hej!
Okej, I have been following this for a bit. I absolutely love your blog!
Anyway, I have been talking to a Swedish boy for oh, 8 months now. First through a penpal site, which I noticed he would view my profile nearly everyday so finally I contacted him, in which he contacted me back in nearly 5 seconds. Now, strictly MSN. We use to talk everyday, but with our lives its more like every other day, maybe for an hour or two. Sometimes we get lucky and talk for 5 to 6 hours a day like we use to. The thing is we can talk about anything and everything. He use to hold back until finally one day I blew up and threw a tiny tantrum, now he thinks it, he tells me :P He’s great he really is but it just gets me that at times he is so warm and nice, and at other times he is so cold and dismissive almost. Anyway, I just thought it was me. I am from the south (a.k.a. Louisiana) so I just thought with me coming from a background that is so warm and hugging that must be it(or deep down he hates me), but the thread reassures me. However, hopefully he will come to America soon or I might just have to “accidently” show up in Sweden ;)OH, we silly girls

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Entjej

March 7th, 2010 at 13:08

@ Björn

Alright, no message yet. I have heard that it sometimes takes time and both people should be online at the same time (not sure how valid that is). But we’ll figure it out, one way or another. :)

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Ji

March 8th, 2010 at 16:33

my bf is a swedish
he talks in eyes
i mean yes he enjoys discussing many things with me
but merely tells me something related to love
my ex s are american and french
they call me everyday no,at least 2times a day
but he dont call just text me
im thinking on breaking up
this is just an ill treatment,i think

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Björn

March 9th, 2010 at 23:57

@ Ji

Text messages is our thing lol. If you do not like them, then it is up to you to tell the guy that you dont like them. Our swedish girls likes texting and thus we text them, we treat any girlfriend from abroad the same. If you think his behaviour is ill treatment then perhaps you should takea minute or two and think about how you treat him because he might just think that what you do is ill treatment too. You are not unique, and you are not special, so if you cant accept something small as that without doing something about it yourself then it is not him that is at fault but you.

Seriously Im so damn sick of girls thinking themselves as princesses while they themselves have no damn idea on wtf they are doing and how it will effect the guy that they are dating.

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Bella

March 10th, 2010 at 08:02

@ Björn

Thanks so much for responding! So we do make eye contact and I smile whenever we do, but he is just soooo shy and I can’t even tell if he’s interested – some days he seems more engaged and others he’s uber introverted. There aren’t a lot of opportunities to talk so it makes it hard to get to know him better which I definitely want to do. The problem is he’s shy, I’m shy (when it comes to guys) and I know he’s not going to initiate anything which is where I come in. I’m just afraid/don’t know what the next step should be.

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Ivy

March 14th, 2010 at 20:52

I know in general, Swedish men are shy. Does that mean they don’t like other shy girls? Or d’you think it’d be harder to get to know a Swede if you were shy.

On a different note… physically, what do Swedish men go crazy for?
Do they like other blonde girls, brunette’s, raven-haired…?
What about skin/ eye colour?

My friend is half-filipino and half-white and on a trip to Stockholm she said she was getting ‘stares’ from several Swedes. But I think that this is mostly due to the fact that she looks vastly different than a ‘typical’ Swedish girl :) And… she was speaking French for most of the trip (with other French students) so I think that’s why.

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Latina girl

March 15th, 2010 at 07:16

@Startin’Up
I’ve been doing some of the things that you told me and there hasn’t been a big change :( So I’m not sure of what to do. But if nothing happens it’s alright. It’s been really hard trying to figure him out. Maybe it’s better to stay friends. I think that he is not interested in anyone at the moment. At least he’s still nice to me. But do keep visiting this blog, k?

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Emilie

March 18th, 2010 at 17:41

Hmm, Hi all.
You know what Bjorn, I am actually rather a special person. We all are. The reason I am now getting together an English guy and not the Swedish guy I was interested in before is because the Swedish guy didn’t recognise that fact and the English guy did…
Don;t waste your time on a man who doesn’t appreciate or respect you ladies! x

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capsfan

March 21st, 2010 at 05:09

Well, where do I begin? I met this swedish boy and I thought he was cute and right away, I was really comfortable. I was myself the moment I met him.
When he went back to sweden we messaged on facebook for a while and then he asked for my msn name. So we began talking on msn only. We talked maybe once a week but then it turned into at least 3 times a week. Our conversations were maybe 30-60 minutes a day. He then kept saying how i needed webcam so we could see each other.
He also wanted me to come to sweden, and when i told him i couldn’t come this summer, about a month later, he told me he was coming to america. Coincidence?
He would ALWAYS messages me first and keeps the conversation going. he sends me pictures of him with friends and sends me songs. After I bought my laptop, i hooked up my webcam and I began talking to him on skype. We now talk EVERY day on msn for about an hour, then skype anywhere from 3-8 hours(also everyday). But I don’t know if he likes me more than a friend. He keeps calling me his friend and bff, but he acts like he likes me more than that.
He doesn’t really give compliments or anything. But I do make him laugh all the time and he makes me laugh too. There’s so many things that have happened to make it seem like he likes me but then keeps saying Im his friend. I wish i could fit everything in this message but i’d rather not write a novel. ;) sooo Does he like me? HELP!!! If you need to know more, just ask :)

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BoBBo

March 21st, 2010 at 17:40

Hi there! First of all I’d like to thank all the girls who find swedish men to be attractive and fun ;)!

But seriously, we are not that different from other guys, are we?

Anyway, I’d be glad to answer any questions u might have!

Cheerz!

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Ivy

March 24th, 2010 at 04:24

@BoBBo: if you could answer my odd-sounding questions it would be of great help!

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Lynn

March 25th, 2010 at 07:10

@BoBBo – I only know one Swede for about 6 years, haven’t met face and we’re just friends but yes, I have noticed differences between him and American males. More blunt spoken for one thing which I appreciate. But then he hasn’t expressed romantic notions so he might be like any other male in that regard? I did know a Norweigan briefly on msn/video chat and he was all over me, so to speak.
Does that help? lol

@capsfan: don’t analyze it too much if he’s still talking to you he still likes you and that’s for any man of any nationality you meet/chat with in life. the thing to go by is if they say what they mean, mean what they say and back their sh@t up and have some sense of honor & respect towards all ppl. If they don’t, don’t bother with him -that’s a boy not a man. Be prepared however, to back your own self, too. :-)

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capsfan

March 25th, 2010 at 21:46

@Lynn: Lately he hasn’t been calling me his friend :) and he told me that I make him smile on the worst days. He has definitly been more showy about his feelings towrds me. So I’m pretty sure he likes me. He says a lot more cute things and is showing more compliments :D I am really excited but at the same time I know that I shouldn’t get my hopes too high because we live so far away and I’m still unsure about everything. But it is exciting :D

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Phoebe

March 30th, 2010 at 14:33

Curious for comments. I had a Swedish boyfriend some 15 years ago, totally in love with him, but let him go because the distance was too much. I live in the states, he could only come to see me every other month. I just couldn’t imagine asking him to move and leave his family, friends, life, to come and live with me. It felt selfish to ask, but I was desperate for him to stay every time he had to board that flight. So, like a dumbass, I let him go for fear of the impending heartbreak, I figured I better get it over with because it’s going to hurt badly either way. What I should have done was wait it out and see if he would say he wanted to move here. A year and a half ago I took a chance and wrote him a letter to an address I hoped would still be viable. Since he received that letter and responded to me by email, we have been in constant contact ever since. Here’s the thing, I got married 10 years ago and have since had a few children, who I absolutely love, respect and adore. Have some problems in the marriage for the past three or so years, resulting in some emotions being depleted. My Swede and I have become really good friends, but the love for him I realize never went away, it is still there as it was when I sent him away. He is constantly on my mind. I think if I were single again he would for sure come and visit me. He is a wonderful, sweet, caring, respectful man, the same as he was whe we were together, so thoughtful. Just wanted to share that. As it were, we met in a nightclub, he came up to the bar to get a drink for him and his male friend and I was laughing and have a good time with my cousin, and I said “hi” to him because he was standing next to me. I could see him smiling and looking at me, probably thinking how silly I am, and so I said hi and the rest is history. He really is a beautiful person, inside and out. His mother should be proud!

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BoBBo

April 21st, 2010 at 19:39

Hi Ivy!

“I know in general, Swedish men are shy. Does that mean they don’t like other shy girls? Or d’you think it’d be harder to get to know a Swede if you were shy.

1. To be honest I don’t think that we are any shyer than other people, are we different, well yes! First of all you can’t really say that swedes don’t like shy girls or the opposite, we are all unique. I don’t know where u are from but if u are an American, well maybe then u will find us a bit shy. This does however not mean that we prefer any girl over the other. Just like any American, Swedes enjoy variety =)!

On a different note… physically, what do Swedish men go crazy for?
Do they like other blonde girls, brunette’s, raven-haired…?
What about skin/ eye colour?

2. We go crazy for all women!!! Blondes, asians whatever tickles our fancy i guess!

My friend is half-filipino and half-white and on a trip to Stockholm she said she was getting ’stares’ from several Swedes. But I think that this is mostly due to the fact that she looks vastly different than a ‘typical’ Swedish girl :) And… she was speaking French for most of the trip (with other French students) so I think that’s why.

3. I think it has more to do with language than anything else, for me personally, I love talking to girls who don’t speak the same language as me since I can “hide” behind my English if u know what I mean! I feel more secure with myself when I speak in a foreign language.

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Lynn

April 25th, 2010 at 01:10

That’s interesting what BoBBo said about feeling more secure when speaking in a foreign language. My Swedish särbo told me the same thing — that it is easier for him to express his feelings, thoughts, desires, etc. when speaking in a foreign language. And though I heavily rely on Google translate when writing in Svenska, I must admit that I see his point. In some of our more intimate email exchanges, I felt secure enough to write certain things in Swedish that I would have felt too inhibited to write in my own language.

My Swede and I are still both a little shy on Skype even though we’ve been emailing everyday for a few months and have met in person. I think Skype is just an awkward form of communication because you can see and hear each other but don’t have the same level of nonverbal communication that you do in person. We are both much less shy in our emails and in person.

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Kris

April 29th, 2010 at 15:41

@Sapphire: Thanks for the advice. I know that Swedes are friendly. It’s just the douches give them a bad rap. :)

@Stockholmguy I completely agree with you. I’m just cautious of guys in general, not just Swedes but I am open minded. I just want to know for myself instead hearing all the stereotypical stuff floating around. :)

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Andreas

May 2nd, 2010 at 06:09

I’m a Swedish male, and i’m so happy that i read this thread! I feel even MORE beautiful now! // Andreas

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Princess

May 4th, 2010 at 21:00

Phew have just read this thread and am exhausted!!! Seems lots of meeting Swedish guys online is going on.

Did notice the stare thing when was in Stockhom but was being a wuss and was trapped behind my sunnies!

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Danielle

May 5th, 2010 at 06:22

Hello, everyone! I found this site by accident a little over a week ago. I spent a year in Stockholm as an au pair in the late 90s and reading this blog brings up a lot of good memories. I am going on holiday to Western Europe this summer but will only be on the Continent…*sigh*… The next European trip I plan will definitely be to Scandinavia as I am dying to go back. :)

Saphire, keep up the good work. Your blog has definitely become a favorite.

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ep

May 8th, 2010 at 10:12

That Swedish look you refer to, that pierces your soul … sorry to say, he was probably drunk …

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amy

May 9th, 2010 at 13:45

hi, i’m an australian uni student and thinking of going to sweden on exchange … the comments about swedish guys (potentially girls?) being reserved and quiet worried me slightly – will that make it any harder to make friends?
in a long term relationship at the moment (although … skeptical it will last long distance haha) so not so worried about meeting guys there as more than friends, but obviously i’d prefer, being an exchange student, the people to be open and friendly (and obviously talking in stereotypes here)
and has anyone done an exchange to sweden? thanks :))

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DeepSoul

May 12th, 2010 at 10:42

Hello everybody!

Great blog site. I have read the threads and there is a lot of useful information. So, I started communicating with this nice, Swedish guy a little over a month ago. We seemed to hit it off rather well. He wrote me a message, mentioning how we had a lot to talk about, and he wants to know more, etc. It was really sweet. Then, I would go on a chat application, and we were supposed to meet up a few times, but he left me messages, and then it seemed like we couldn’t meet up. Though, we had chatted on it before, and it was after that conversation that he wrote that message above. I didn’t want to feel as if I am overbearing, because I didn’t want to come off as too aggressive. However, he and I haven’t talked in a few weeks and I thought, “What happened? Is it the rebirth of Houdini?” LOL, I mean we seemed to get along rather well.

Weird, how you can be so communicative, and then turn it off. I kept the conversations rather light hearted, as I did not wish to dive into anything too deep. I believe in taking your time with things in life. However, this one is confusing. I am thinking to write a simple, hello letter and see how he is. You know, to “re-break the ice”. I will leave it open-ended. I would even go as far to say, “Write back”, or “Hope to hear from you soon” in my message to him. I just don’t feel as if the ball is in my court, and I am more than happy to meet somebody in the middle. Any advice from you ladies, or nice, Swedish men? Takk! Have a beautiful day.

Sincerely,

Confused, “Where is Houdini”?

DeepSoul

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Latina girl

May 12th, 2010 at 20:33

Oh dear! I know exctly what you mean. All I can say is that Swedish men take things very slowly and they believe in this lagom thing, everything with moderation. So they try to keep their lives balanced, work hard but not too hard, have fun but not too much, love but not too much, etc. Actually I think that what he wants is to see if there is real interest from you. They write and stay in touch for a little while and then they disappear, so now you can be after them. Sometimes I think they even get scared that they are spending too much time with someone and that’s against their ideology of lagom. It could also mean that he just wants some space. I’ve noticed that they like to have some time on their own. They are kind of loners. When they feel it was enough time for themselves they go back to you. My suggestion is, do write him a message but not a long one. It’s been weeks so it’s ok now to write him but don’t write letters. He could feel overwhelmed, I don’t know. So a message that conveys that you still remember him and want to keep in touch but that you are not freaking out because he hasn’t communicated.
Let us know what happened. Maybe someone else has a different opinion.

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Latina girl

May 12th, 2010 at 20:34

@DeepSoul
Sorry, i forgot to say it was for you :))

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DeepSoul

May 13th, 2010 at 03:26

Latina girl!!

Hello and thanks for writing to me. I truly appreciate the input. Yes, it is so hard to figure out. Oh, I forgot to mention that in one of his first messages, he wrote a pretty good letter, talking about something rather blunt, about travel, etc. It was sort of amusing, but at the end, he said something like, if I still wanted to know him, etc. Seemed a bit insecure. Of course I wanted to still talk with him, because I loved how blunt he was in the letter. I told him I was interested and loved how he spoke his mind. So, now, a few weeks. I am American, I suppose I have been used to another mentality, or that we are taught if the guy doesn’t respond, he is not interested. It could still be the situation for me, but I will risk it and write to him. I am thinking about him, so often, and thought perhaps he just forgot about me. I am still on his list on a chat application, and his phone number is still listed, but I would NEVER DARE Please keep in touch!

Sincerely,
DeepSoul

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Latina girl

May 13th, 2010 at 19:59

@DeepSoul
I think we are used to see the man calling and writing and all of that so when they don’t do that we get confused. Swedes do everything 50-50. I don’t know exactly how your interaction with him has been but if he feels like he has put himself out there more than you have, he might be wondering if you realyy like him. They are very cautious and non-impulsive. And yeah, I wouldn’t call him yet. Swedish men are better in writing, like chatting, e mails and sms. They are more open that way, and also in english which is good for you =) I don’t think he forgot about you, but a hello e-mail will make him feel good and hopefully remind him of how great it was when you two were in touch. A good thing about swedish being blunt is that you can be too. Just don’t push too hard left or right. Be cool, down to earth. Scandinavians love that. Of course it can’t be fake or it will make it worse.

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DeepSoul

May 14th, 2010 at 06:29

Latina Girl!!!

How are you? I am doing well! I really appreciate your advice! Believe me! So, I will write to him tomorrow. Kind of nervous that he won’t respond, but we shall see. So weird, as I have never acted like this. I feel like a school girl with a crush and I am in my early thirties LOL. Hey, Latina Girl, I would love to message you. I really need an opinion on something I just noticed….don’t know how to take it! Hhmm….

DeepSoul

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dorina

May 15th, 2010 at 16:40

Hey everybody!

I’m from greece and I’m thinking in studying of studying in Sweden but I’ve been reading so many not-so-good things about swede people that i’m not sure what to do! So here it goes:

1. Is it true that they’re racists and they don’t want to hang out with people from other countries?

2.I don’t mind if they’re shy but do they have sense of humour and want to have fun?

3.Do they like blonds or brunettes?

4.Is it true that they’re very rude?

5. Is it true that they hate monogamy? Do they fall inlove really hard?

I met 2 swede guys on Christmas and they were the hottest guys I’d ever met and they were also very kind so I’m not sure what to believe!!

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Jens

May 16th, 2010 at 18:52

I really agree on cat. I had a quite similar experience

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Jens

May 16th, 2010 at 19:30

Andra frågor är om svenska killar frågar dig att vad tycker du om kläder?
vad kläder passar på dig?
Tycker du om gifa dig?
Betyder det att han är intresserad av dig?

Det är svårt!

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Björn

May 17th, 2010 at 12:23

@Dorina

1. No we as a people are not racist. We have many racists here, but you will find many racists in every part of the world.

2. Yeah we have a sense of humour and we like to have fun, there is a chance that we are very different from what you are used to though.

3. That is entirely up to the guy in question to be honest. I like brunettes, but one of my closest friends like blondes, another of my friends like red haired girls.

4. No we are not rude, but we can be seen as cold though. It can be hard to become friends with a swede since we are usually not interested in talking to strangers. Unless there is a beer inlvoled hehe.

5. Hard to say about monogamy, to me it seems like a both yes and no hehe. About falling in love I have no idea, its not something that I have been thinking about. I can only speak for myself and I dont fall in love easily at all. Cant say if that is true for many swedish guys though or if its just me.

At the end of the day, it all depends on what kind of people you meet =).

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DeepSoul

May 18th, 2010 at 01:59

@Bjorn

LOL..does beer need to be involved? Can you tell me a good place in Stockholm? Anywhere? hehe
I have been following this thread. Good to see you back. So, I don’t know if you saw what I wrote, but either I scared my Swedish friend off, or Houdini truly does exist, and he has been hiding out lol. I am really confused. Well, have a great day everybody! :)

DeepSoul (M) :)

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Latina girl

May 18th, 2010 at 03:46

@DeepSoul
I’m great! thank you! Do you want to message me through this place or do you mean through e-mail?
Please let us know what happened with your Houdini! lol.

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Latina girl

May 18th, 2010 at 03:51

@Björn
I left a question for you on Meet a Beautiful Blonde Swedish Girl? Dating Swedish Women isn’t Easy. Would you mind taking a look?? =D

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DeepSoul

May 18th, 2010 at 07:15

Hey Latina Girl…

So, goodness. I would love to write to you! Oh boy, about Houdini..I think he went to perform his next act! LOL What can I say? I won’t be his assistant? :D All in all, I would say he disappeared! What can I do, but ask the rabbit in the hat where he went, or just accept getting dumped on stage? ;)

So, I, the deep, and eh sort of sucks to be dumped, soul..shall continue on my journey in life, hoping the next one will not be another Houdini, David Blane, Chris Angel, and yes, the ever so famous David Copperfield. After all, “Now you see him, now you don’t!” LOL :D
I have to joke about it, because humor is the best thing in life. Without it, life would be boring, wouldn’t it?

So, please do get in touch with me. Do you have Skype? I must be so brazen LOL! I am on a public forum, but don’t worry, I won’t make you put your name on here. I am listed as Orchid_Eyes Would love to talk with you…or anybody else in this universe who saw this and thought, “Let’s punk DeepSoul!” Go ahead, you don’t know what you are in for! :) Okay everybody, have a great day! Hope to hear from you Latina girl!

Take care,
DeepSoul

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Björn

May 18th, 2010 at 14:56

@Deepsoul

Nah beer is not *required*, but you know, a man needs his vices lol.

What kind of places do you like? tastes in music and what kind of people do you normally hang around with?.

About your guy, no idea why he disappeared to be honest. You would have to ask him, I have done a similair thing myself and even if I had a good reason for it, I know that it was not the right thing to do. The best advice I can give is to send that open letter and if he does not respond, find another guy.

@Latina girl

I’ll look for your question in the other section and answer it.

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Johan

May 18th, 2010 at 15:29

Hej :)

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DeepSoul

May 18th, 2010 at 23:58

Hi Bjorn!

How are you? Great name! So beer isn’t required? That is a good thing to know. Ahh, yes, alcohol…”Making people have the courage to say, or do whatever they want! Waking up the next morning, wondering what it was you said or did….priceless!” :D Fortunately for me, I am in control of myself, but there was this one time at a country bar, where I did have a few beers, and took a guy’s ten gallon hat. I didn’t want to give it back. I thought I was cool…obviously wasn’t. Alcohol makes you think you are, and definitely messes up your perception LOL!

So, I like to frequent many places, as it depends on the company I keep. I have a pretty diverse group of friends. One night, I might go out for middle eastern food, bellydancing, and to a nice bar after. Other times, a nice day on the beach, a bunch of us getting together at a friend’s house for dinner. A nice, fun dinner and live theatre. I have friends who are quite theatrical, I must admit. We are also trying to perfect accents, and normally we like to do that, at dinner time. Fun, when you see other patrons faces. It is like watching some demented, UN translators arguing over what to order for dessert. I have such varied interests. I normally like to plan things well, but at times, can be spontaneous. Of course, I like comedy clubs, playing pool, pretending to be a shark, but failing miserably, with every shot. However, I love saying I am horrible with air hockey, and get a victim. I say, “Go easy on me”, as I like to make the puck fly off the table! LOL, I love seeing peoples reactions, with that one. My dad taught me well. Oh yes, I admit, karaoke too. However I sing sober. I watch the others get drunk, and that is when the fun begins! I have often times put in special requests that nobody drunk,…sober, sing, “I Will Survive”. Unfortunately, there are some spiteful people in this world.

Oh, as for music, I love all kinds. If I am writing, I normally try to put something on, which will enhance my imagination. If I am just making dinner with friends, perhaps some Cafe Del Mar music, or electronic/chill. Other times, I like salsa, rock, old R&B, classical, oh it is endless. I also love cultural festivals, so I admit to dancing Polka once…and enjoying it! :D Everybody was drinking beer there.

Oh yeah…about Houdini! He must have made himself the Invisible Man now. No way of tracing that guy. What a shame! As hard as it is for me to resist the temptation to be corny, “He and I could have had something magical together!” :D I wrote to him, but not that. Either the Invisible Man has an invisible pen, and I cannot see the message, or he went on with his life, searching for that perfect woman! Now that will be a great search! LOL So..onward!! I can take rejection, even though it does suck. It is a part of life, and everybody has to face it, sometimes. Well, except for gorgeous, Brazilian supermodels. Yes, that is what I want to come back as, in the next life.. or a bumble bee. It is a toss up, difficult decision.

So now, I wrote the most ridiculous novel on this thread, and at this point, I can only assume, somebody will want to punk me on Skype. Hope you have a great day and that this wasn’t terribly painful for you to read. :)

@Latina girl… Waiting to hear from you, but probably by now, you know my life, and perhaps my social security, from all the information I put out here LOL ;D

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sweetness

May 20th, 2010 at 10:42

I am from Australia and met a Swedish man online. We were friends for a few weeks before we started flirting with each other.We added each other to FaceBook and talked every day online. It was the highlight of my day :) He stayed up till 4am talking to me once and had to go to work a few hours later. He confided in me and was surprised that he told me things he has told no-one. We are both divorced with children from our previous relationships. He asked me to come to Sweden, when I said what about my children his reply was instant…BRING THEM…then you can stay. He is funny, charming and has told me he is normally very shy, but never with me. One thing I will say is he has never shyed away from the topic of seex. He is the first person to really get my wicked naughty hints and continue them on. We are both surprised at how similar our humor and personalities are. I am planning on coming to see him next year. He is dying to have me there and is making touristy plans to show me Sweden. He speaks to me like I am the love of his life…and vice versa. We have a ball teaching each other words in our respective languages. However there were a couple of times when we lost contact and I felt I was doing all the chasing…I think this is because he thought we would never be able to meet. He asked me would I really come to see him…and when I said eventually..yes…suddenly he can’t get enough of me. The real problem for me is he comes into very close contact with beautiful young Swedish models…he is a photographer and yes he does nudes too. So I am horrified at the prospect of him meeting me in the flesh…how on earth can I compete with those girls(not a chance). This seems to bother him less…maybe he is insane… I have wondered. He loves brown eyes and the fact that I am brunette. He has taught me to take a compliment…very hard for me and say thankyou. With his job he has access to the most gorgeous girls and I just can’t see why he thinks I am so special…but I sure am glad he does :)

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sweetness

May 20th, 2010 at 11:16

@ Deepsoul
I had this problem with mine the time that we lost contact…I dropped a very short line to let him know I was still around. I actually considered dropping him from my friends list but thought I’d drop a line first. Kind of said…If I have done something to offend you let me know (thinking or I’ll block you). He wrote back the next day saying sorry my love I have the kids at the moment and work is too much :) Then nothing for a few days so I wrote back…if you would like to catch up with me as I would with you….MSN…and straight away he added me to be honest I am kind of afraid he may again vanish lol. I doubt it now though

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Emilie

May 20th, 2010 at 16:03

yeh the vanishing male Swede… I identify. Just messaged him again. Crazy? lol.

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Emilie

May 20th, 2010 at 19:01

How is it they seem to get under the skin? Am I generalising? But I have read the postings here… I am in trouble as I have had a boyfriend for two months now but I still cannot get the half Swedish guy out of my head. (Or heart?) So I have messaged again to say can he explain what his problem is with me but he has not contacted me in a while now. I just don’t understand. I have a rough idea that because he is in the public eye he is wary. Well so am I, I have been hurt. He already hurt me by removing me from his friends’ list. Anyway I have been true to myself by messaging and asking. Have I said I have deep feelings for him> no. It is hard to put your heart on the line for someone who has shown signs of not knowing how to look after it. Yet he has also shown signs that he could. A tender sensitive beautifully creative man who cannot comunicate his feelings? Or maybe he’s just a player? WHo knows. Sigh.

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DeepSoul

May 20th, 2010 at 20:03

First off…@Johan, hej! You almost got lost in the novel threads HAHA

@Sweetness
I think overall, of course men are going to look at attractive women, but when it comes to the important matters, they will look beyond that superficial persona and want a woman who can make them happy, and understand them. Confidence is something which makes anybody diserable. He is a photograper, but it is only a career. :) Remember, he likes you, and being that you are communicating through the internet, you can have the opportunity to discuss some subjects early on, which may be a little akward in person. As long as there is honesty and respect, you could build a potentionally great relationship. I say go for it..Oh yes, the chasing… I wasn’t used to it. However, we, as women, always want equality in every aspect, right? So, why should we not equally put into the communication, instead of expecting the men always making the moves. If we want it our way, then it is a double standard. However, I understand as a woman that we can sometimes lack that confidence, as I was mentioning earlier, because we wonder if the guy is really interested. In your circumstance, it seems evident that your man is. Keep us posted.

@Emilie
Oh dear…I think my Houdini has met up with your David Copperfield! If your guy was hurt by you removing him from your friends list, I would say that he cared. You know, it is interesting. I can see your perspective on why you did that, as you were trying to get his attention. It obviously did. You said he is in the public eye, right? How well do you know him? I have a friend, who has been in film, and he is not easy with expressing his emotions. I am one of his friends however. Actually,I pick on him for all those girls who refer to him by character names. Insane, but none the less, his manager gets mad and frustrated by him. I simply tell her, “Just give him the benefit of the doubt.” I think we really should, as you really don’t know what is going on, but there is nothing wrong with asking him. There is that old saying, “Good things happen to those who wait.” Try to get in touch with him and just let him know you were thinking about him and hope he is doing well. If he doesn’t respond, or ignores you, just know that there is somebody who is meant for you and everything happens for a reason. Keep us posted!

@Latina girl
Where are you? lol Definitely would still like to get in touch.

@Bjorn
How are you? :)

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Emilie

May 20th, 2010 at 20:38

@Deepsoul
Lol yes the Vanishers! Thankyou but sorry, misunderstanding… it was he who removed me from his friends’ list following a minor disagreement and it was I who was hurt. However, your idea still counts, perhaps. Would he have removed me if he didn’t have some feelings for me? Otherwise would it have mattered to him, did he have strong feelings to lead him to remove me? It is not like he hadn’t been communicating with me before, albeit sporadically. He is a musician so, yes, not a talker (unlike I, a writer!) yet he was tender towards me which is what got under my skin! So do we think the Swedish man disappears to see what we really think of them… I, however, am too old for games. I am also still annoyed at upset at his behaviour. I have messaged but not in a very how are you friend way, more in a whats your problem with me way… I won’t bow to a man, I have had bad experiences with a control freak. Are we Swedish men controlling, I wonder?
Thanks for your help :-)

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Björn

May 20th, 2010 at 23:34

@Deepsoul

Im still sober but I am getting there =P jk lol. I am pretty good, how are you?.

I read everything you wrote and I just have to say that, god damn! you and your friends sound like pretty awesomely fun people to hang around with. like anything can happen! hehe. I sorta recognize myself in that, allthough your nights seem to be a bit more normal than mine used to be. My boss once woke me up at this this grass place (yard, lawn or something) right outside the place I work at, somehow me and my friends had raised a tent outside the place where I work but none of us had managed to actually sleep inside it lol. Imagine 4 people sleeping passed out, outside a half raised tent with a large amount of beer cans and bourbon bottles lying next to them and a portable cd player still playing music LOL. Anyway that was my punk rock days, Im way more *mature* now.

Hard to recomend a place for you to be honest because I get the feeling that you are a bit like me. Like just heading somewhere along some street and see where you end up, get inside the club/bar that looks interessting and see what you may find.

It would be easier for me if you someday would just sporadically say something like “Hey I am in stockholm, I need a good rock bar for me and my friends” or something like that =D

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DeepSoul

May 21st, 2010 at 01:27

@Emilie

Hey! I am sorry about what happened to you. Okay, so you met a David Copperfield. Perhaps he and Houdini are on to their next venture, and so should you be as well! ;) So, you are a writer and he is a musician. Interesting, as you would have that commonality. I write as well. Trying to publish my work, and also wanting to do a short film for a local film festival…dark comedies! Nothing says love more than two people trying to murder each other at an Indian restaurant..spicy, don’t you think? hehe I love your description by the way. “The Vanishers”. I think the truth is the most important. For him to delete you from his list, does imply something. If only I was a mind reader..hhmm, imagine if everybody was. You could hear everybody’s real opinion about, well everything. That would be a dangerous world…yet, exciting for a day, actually, possibly the most violent day in history! :D I agree that you should never bow down to anybody. I think every man is different. Some try to control, others are much smarter LOL. I would say as hard as it is, you should try to move on. It sucks. As you can see, many have been through similiar situations. Writing is a great way for you to release your emotions, and can be beneficial to your soul. I do it often as well. Nobody likes games, not even your David Copperfield. Just remember, it means something is better on the horizon! ;) Hope you have a great night!

@Bjorn

Okay, so I am laughing at what you wrote. I am doing well, thanks for asking. You are still sober? hehe Oh yes, my friends and I have lots of fun together, sometimes without any shame! We are a quite the conundrum to those poor strangers who witness our behavior! :D Also, the tent night you are referring to, sounds like the Swedish version of “The Hangover”, except nobody was pulling their tooth out, and you didn’t steal a tiger.

Yep, I have had some fascinating evenings with friends. I just can’t list them on here..one of them might read them!! HAHA God knows I have already pretty much given my name away on here. I would make a horrible spy. Yes, my idea of planning is usually picking the destination, and then winging it. I did that in NYC. Met some interesting people. You never know who will be on the subway around 4:00am. Come to think of it, one guy almost didn’t seem human. Also, when you see somebody talking to themself, a part of you almost wants to join their conversation. Hey, you might learn an new language. LOL, you had punk rock days? Fantastic! Yes, it does appear we have things in common. You know it is funny that you mentioned a sporadic thing like that, as I do get those moments. You should Skype me if you want to hear any stories, which I will have the courtesy of not writing on here. Have a good day ahead! :)

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Björn

May 21st, 2010 at 03:18

@Deepsoul

Yup Im still sober, in fact I havent even had a single beer today!. Gimme a gold star please=P.

That was a pretty fun night, we found a shop keepers tent and brought it to the place where I worked at that time. Sorta a precaution so that I wouldt have to worry about getting up late for work, but it did not really work out the way we planned it lol.

Ive had many other weird days and nights too, but like yours, they are better left unspoken of lol. It reminds me of something one of my friends told me once, something like “could you at least try to have a normal day for once?” hehehe.

Anyway, Im kinnda using my friends laptop for this. He does not have skype on it, not sure if he will let me install it either. He does have MSN installed though so thats the only chat software that I know for sure that I am allowed to use hehe.

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Latina girl

May 21st, 2010 at 04:00

@Deepsoul
I’ve been a little busy. I do not have skype. But I have yahoo messenger and msn. Would that work for you?

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DeepSoul

May 21st, 2010 at 10:26

@Emilie & Sweetness
Hope you ladies are having a great day,and keep us posted. Hope all is well. ;)

@Latina girl
How have you been? I would love to chat on msn or yahoo. My name is LeilaHelwa on yahoo. It means, “Beautiful night” in arabic. There is a story behind it. On msn, I am Orchid_Eyes, so you can catch me there too. :) Tulips are my favorite flower, but calling myself Tulip_Eyes simply sounded ridiculous. Perhaps Orchids aren’t any better, but what the heck. They are pretty and exotic. Hope to talk with you there as well and have a fabulous day! :)

@Bjorn
I am going to give you 5 gold stars! Bonus! :) #1 for your great communication, #2, for not halfway sleeping in a tent, passed out drunk tonight, #3, for attempting a great opportunity not to be late for work, after being passed out, drunk, on your workplace lawn, #4, for your weekend ahead, as I am sure you will be passed out, in your own room, #5, for not being a Houdini on this site, and giving some advice. Bonus gold star..for sharing a funny story with us. ;)I mean it might not have worked out as you planned, but that was the fun of it all, and hey, you are laughing about it now. As John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you, while you’re busy making other plans.” HAHA, normal day for once? What is that? That word should be taken out of all language vocabulary. Your friend is nice, to share his laptop with you. I mean if there is anything remotely incriminating, blackmail…waahhaahhaawww…j/k. That would be a low-life thing to do! I think the worst blackmail ever is on Facebook. Damn that photo tagging! Get a few drinks in your system, making the most deformed facial expressions, and watch how fast your friends will put it up on their status updates..drunk suckers! People must watch out for that ever known, evil camera that flashes, when you are with these fools. LOL, we must exchange stories. You all have my msn, along with pretty much everybody on the world wide web. Goodness, it is so difficult being an extrovert! Have a great day and weekend. :D

Hope everybody here has a great weekend, and doesn’t end up on their worklawn, Monday. :)

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Martina

May 21st, 2010 at 16:39

Oh my god! I can’t believe I found this website! The amount of times I nodded my head and said: Exactly! Especially Julia’s post from Sept 2009, it’s like we met the same guy! Does his name start with an F?
Here’s my story-please let me know what you think because I am so confused at this stage!
I met this Swedish guy in a pub in London and we hit it off on the spot. We went for lunch and a few days later met up in a pub where we talked for hours and had this buzzing chemistry between us. He stayed over at mine even though not much happened for the first 3 times he stayed over except for kissing. So I thought, hey, he’s not just after sex and he seems to like me. He came over to mine and we cooked dinner together before watching a dvd and eventually spending an amzing night together. He was texting almost every day asking how my day is and seemed to be genuinly interested.
He asked me to come to a BBQ of his work mates, so I met his friends who all seemed lovely too. All in all, I started falling hard for this guy. However, he never answered his phone when I called.
I went home for a few days and when I came back I didn’t hear from him for a week and I wondered what’s going on. All of a sudden he kept texting me nearly every day again with xxx and smiley faces-but not actually suggesting to meet up. After 2 weeks he wants to meet up and we go for a few drinks and everything seems fine and we go back to his. He doesn’t want me to leave in the morning and on the way to the train station we kiss. So silly me thinks all is fine, right? WRONG! Don’t hear from him for a few days-when he asks if I want to meet him later. Somehow the text conversation turns into a discussion about our relationship and he texts that he likes me but sorry maybe something is missing or else he would make more time for me. Fair enough, he’s just not that into me I think and delete his number.
But no-2 weeks no word, then he calls at night just to hear how I am and we talk for 2 hours and he is sweetness in person. And says, he didn’t really mean that, he’s got so much to do and he does like me.
So-next time I hear from him is on a Sat night and he asks me to come over.I meet up with him again and ask him what the hell is going on now. Because at this stage we have known each other for about 2 months and I wan to know which direction this is heading.
And he goes, yes, he does like me and he wants to spend more time with me etc etc. Then he texts me a few days later asking me out to the movies for next week and I say yes. So far, so good. Last time we saw each other, he said he was going to this festival alone and so I text him and ask if I should get a ticket so we can go together-and today he texts back this: About the festival, I kind of was planning to go with someone just to let you know. But if you want to join that’s just more fun :-). NOW-what to make of this? Can someone please tell me if I read this right and he actually asked another girl to the festival? I’m not very good at playing third wheel here, plus why on earth then would he say it’s ok to join??? And should I still go to the movies with him next week? This guy is a total enigma to me, and I can’t seem to talk to him about this stuff. I wonder if he’s playing me or if he does actually like me and is confused? Grateful for your thoughts…

Kind regards,

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Emilie

May 21st, 2010 at 18:31

Thanks :-) I am actually pretty fed up with myself for having not put this behind me sooner! I am very happy with boyfriend and perhaps the issue is that sometimes I don’t feel I deserve it…

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Björn

May 23rd, 2010 at 00:09

@Deepsoul

Well john lennon might have said something sensible. But will say something unsensible in return. If life aint good enough, make sure you dont remember it =P.

The normal day thing is about my friend asking why I always had some wierd (weird, as in not something that happens to the everyday normal guy) story to talk about that happened the previous day lol=)

I sold my old computer as spare parts, my friend lets me use his laptop so I can pay bills and stuff, I dont have much use for it other than that since I invested in a ps3 =D. I got your msn and ill add you as soon as I can either figure out my old hotmail adress and password or create a new one lol.

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DeepSoul

May 23rd, 2010 at 03:14

@Emilie

Glad you are happy with your new boyfriend. Have the confidence and remember you deserve it, as everybody deserves happiness in life. :)I believe everything happens for a reason. Life can be uncertain at times, but things always have a way for turning out for the best in the end. Goodness, this sounded like “Deep Moments” By Jack Handy session hehe..have you ever seen that on Saturday Night Live..when it was actually funny? Youtube it :D Have a fabulous day!

@Martina

Oh goodness. Your situation sounds like a pickle. I really don’t know what to say on your last paragraph. Everything sounded great. Was this festival something that he planned, before he met you? Perhaps he made plans with a good friend and didn’t want to break them? Yikes! Presumption can lead to trouble, but not knowing is also sucks. However…he asked if you wanted to join. If he wanted to hide something from you, he wouldn’t have even told you about this event he was attending.I agree with one thing, nobody likes to play the third wheel. You probably refrained from even asking who he was taking, and I understand where you would be coming from there. Honesty is always the best policy and of course communication is a must!! If it really bothers you, you should defintely bring this matter into focus. Presumption…ugly word hehe. It could be something very innocent, but why not simply discuss it with him, so you can go forward, without any reservation on the status of your relationship? :) Let us know.I hope it works out between the two of you. Hey, at least he isn’t David Blane!..eh, you would have to look at my previous novels lol.

@Bjorn

Yes, John Lennon made a lot of stupid statements, but that was one of the good ones. I think he was playing with a full deck when he said that one. Then again, he was married to Yoko..and listening to her sing is like hearing nails scratching a chalkboard. Your friend sounds like my friends. However, they have gotten used to my eccentric ways, or they just hang around me for mere impulsive, improv, ridiculous excitement. On special occasions, it is more extreme when my friend, “Hamburger” is with us. She and I sort of feed off each other’s energy. I introduced her to “Oriental” music, and the ever so famous hookah. I have a pretty one. Looks good on the table. People want to smoke it, thinking it is illegal. To thier disappointment, it isn’t. Nice decoration though. H”amber”ger introduced me to the idea that a female can actually sing “Alice In Chains” songs and scare the living daylights out of others. It is like watching a cute, pretty blonde girl go on stage, and you would expect her to sing something like Jewel, and then all of the sudden this, “Rrrrhhhhhhh” comes screaming out!! Gotta see it! We also like to finish the evening, being the demented, UN translators, with our accents, ordering pancakes at Denny’s, 2:00am. That is a tame night. We always tip the waitress nicely, as I sometimes like to be “Scarlette, The Harlette, from Savannah”, only to notice that that waitress really has that “southun thang” down, naturally lol. These poor victims of ours!

HAHA, PS3!! You sound like my brother in law! He fights my sister to play it, half the time. She will play as well. :D So, I have an idea..get a new e-mail address and password? LOL :) Much easier doing this, before the beer hitting you first. j/k hehe. Speaking of, there are part time Norwegian neighbors, who just arrived two nights ago. I tried to warn them about the gator in the lake. They sit in their lawnchairs in the driveway, drinking vodka and beer, drunk.. then they asked me where to go and have a good beer!! They invited me along and I could only laugh. They were wondering why the hell I asked them how their “May 17th” was, and said, “Ha en god natt”. I won’t even say what one told me. Quite the bunch of characters. What I really want to do is see if they say anything really naughty, and think that I don’t understand. It helps when you have a girlfriend, in Bergen who teaches you all the bad words. For some reason, there are many Scandinavian people who come here, which is nice. Glad they like it here. I must look like a delegate for the local tourism board, as they have approached me, asking where to go. I tell them where to stay away from, but it all depends on their interests. Tell me, in Sweden, when you say to somebody, “How far away is this place from point A to point B? We must truly be lazy, as we don’t say, “Oh, it is about 150 miles”. Noooooo, we like to say “Oh, it’s about 2 hours from here.” Lazy southerners, I tell you! Okay, look forward to hearing from you. Going to get ready to meet up with some drunk suckers. The night is still young. Take care and tell my how many gold stars you earned, after this weekend. :D

Hope everybody else is having a great weekend!

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Emilie

May 23rd, 2010 at 10:04

Thanks :-) I had a lovely day, England actually has some hot sun just now and we went to the coast and had a picnic with friends, it was beautuful! Well I just have one question… is it culturally acepted in Sweden to be friendly towards someone for 10 months, even ask them out and then to just wipe them from your life if you have a tiny disagreement without as much as see ya or the smallest explanation? As it seemms that way to me!

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Latina girl

May 24th, 2010 at 02:17

@Deepsoul
I added you om msn but I’m not sure if I did it right =P

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Björn

May 24th, 2010 at 05:57

@Deepsoul

First of all the PS# is no laughing matter! it is like the most awesome entertainment machine ever created!=D

Secondly, when you described “It is like watching a cute, pretty blonde girl go on stage, and you would expect her to sing something like Jewel, and then all of the sudden this, “Rrrrhhhhhhh” ” really made me chuckle. more of that please=D, sounds like a really fun evening. And alot of astonished faces.

Well I would write coments to all the other stuff, because it all sounds pretty damn fun =D. But Im bad at writing too much, it would just sound like Im repeating myself over and over again instead hehe.

BTW, got the same problem as latina girl, I searched for orchid_eyes but got a bunch of different people. I added a few, but not sure if I got the right one hehe.

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DeepSoul

May 24th, 2010 at 10:20

@Latina girl & Bjorn

LOL..how many Orchid_Eyes are there? Oh goodness, you know…I tried to find myself on MSN, and I now feel like the Messenger Houdini.. :O So, if you guys can e-mail me your display names to: Orchid_Eyes@hotmail.com, I will add you. I tried to figure out why…but for some reason, I have become the ghost of MSN. I’ll wait to hear from you both. :)

@Bjorn
Oh yes, Hamburger is a great singer! However, when she goes on stage, it is like Barbie became possessed. Absolutely pure entertainment!! :D Tonight, was singing night, but I stayed in, and did some writing. Sometimes I get writers block, and other times, I write like a mile a minute…that is a lot. Yes, PS is great invention, as there should be a day recognition for it’s creator! :) Yes, many stories to tell LOL Mooning rednecks is another, but I’ll MSN you with that one! HAHA

@Emilie
Glad to hear that you had a nice day in England. Seems like a lovely place! :) Hmm..about being friends with somebody for almost a year, and them completely dropping you isn’t cool, no matter where they come from. It takes time to build relationships, but some can end suddenly, due to certain situations. However, from what I read about your situation, I think it was a cowardly act from him. You are better off being in a relationship, who will give you what you deserve. Communication, affection and friendship, as that is where it all begins! I had a similiar situation with just a male friend of mine, thought it was simply platonic. He got a little notarity fast, a big head and said “Don’t sh*t yourself when you see talent.” So, my response to him was, “Sure, the next time I actually see talent, I won’t.” I did it to get under his skin, because that was an arrogant comment, and I can’t stand that behavior! I thought we would get over it, but nah..didn’t! So, when I contacted him about a simple question, he basically told me where I could stick it, and then I told him his short film lacked a decent plot. That was “The End” HAHA! :D Oh the fun!

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Dano

May 24th, 2010 at 13:45

Hmm..i’m wondering about this “eye contact” business.Now,this isn’t being nasty,just an observation of mine ok.
I’ve noticed that a lot of Swedish guys,and Scandinavians in general,have weak eyesight..and it shows! You can tell by looking at them that they wear glasses,contacts..or should do.
So..maybe a lot of these guys don’t even see any eye contact! And when making it,maybe they’re just trying to see if the bar’s still open!

Dunno,just my personal observations *shrug*

And remember ladies..ALL men,no matter what race or creed..have the potential to be “Bastard’s” in the right circumstances!

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Emilie

May 24th, 2010 at 19:03

Well you know what… I decided that whether he wants me on his friends list or not I can still be his friend and I am grateful that he encouraged my writing and his show helped me through some tough times so I told him so and it’s kinda like things are back to the way they were before it went from friendly to possible romance. It’s OK as I am happy with my new man anyway and yes the guy behaved badly and I don’t even have an explanation for why but it suits me that it is back to how it used to be so for now that’s cool! Watch this space lol!

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Princess

May 24th, 2010 at 19:29

@Dano – is little bug bear of mine but plurals i.e bastards don’t use apostrophes. Typos aside – some of the grammar, spelling and puncutation on here is shocking at times – god I’m such a pedant!! Though your comment about the bad eyesight made me laugh. let’s remember that some ladies have their moments too.

@ DeepSoul – don’t be fooled England isn’t that nice but it does look better in the sun and it’s defo out at the mo!

@Emilie – so the old guy was Swedish and the new one (improvement) isn’t – have I got that right?

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Emilie

May 24th, 2010 at 20:41

half Sedish, half English… I wonder if I should not be talking to him at all after his behaviour but you know, I find him interesting, I’m kind of a sucker for a true creative personlaity and I feel life is too short to be annoyed at anyone for very long and yes, I suppose I care about him still, truth be told :-/ is that wrong? Sigh.

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Emilie

May 24th, 2010 at 20:48

Sorry as in the first guy is half Swedish and half English. I feel it is true, when I am more level headed and not too much one way or another, kind of more neutral in my behaviour, he is more forthcoming. I can be very steady if I need to be, e.g. in work but you know I just think romance is meant to be full of passion, is it not? Having said that although I do have passion with my boyfriend it is not the make you carzy in the head type and I feel very safe with him. I could not imagine having that anchored feeling with the other guy. And when you’re looking for a guy to have kids with (which I am) these things are important. More important than intense passion, yes? Anyway it is all hypothetical as the half Swedish guy clearly doesn;t want me even close enough to be on his FB list! Stupid really as he still gets to see my posts on other folks pages and he never puts anything on his anyway! Haha crazy?! Lol.

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Dano

May 25th, 2010 at 08:46

@Princess – I never claimed to be perfect! :(

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DeepSoul

May 25th, 2010 at 17:57

@Emilie
If you have a great relationship with your current boyfriend, I would say you wouldn’t want to compromise it, right? If your ex beau didn’t communicate with you that well, it is best that you are no longer together. If you found great qualities with your new man, I would work on building that relationship. Keep us posted and have a great day! :)

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Princess

May 25th, 2010 at 20:28

@Dano – nope you’re British so I rather took that as read (tee hee generalised stereotyping ahoy!!)

@Emilie – the ex sounds a wind up merchant and you need to get a stern grip or you could end up messing up the current relationship as well.

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Dano

May 26th, 2010 at 10:20

@Princess – I didn’t say i WASN’T British and perfect,just i never “claimed” to be! :P

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Tired

May 26th, 2010 at 13:06

I am married to a Swede, and I believe they behave is like a bunch of spoiled children. I dont know if I think like that because cultural differences, but what I feel is that they just GET but dont GIVE anything. Take everything for granted. At the begining they are fine, like politicians in campain, but then… the shows the real face, the lazy side, and immature behavior.

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Emilie

May 26th, 2010 at 16:52

Thanks all and yes, thank you @ Tired!

A spoilt child. That is exactly what my guy was like! When I disagreed with him he removed me from his friend’s list. Exceedingly immature! Yes indeed, the politician at the start!!

P.S. Hurray for us Brits! ;-)

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Björn

May 26th, 2010 at 21:51

@Tired

Why did you marry the guy if he was acting like that?. And more importantly, why do you stay married to that guy?. I think you just had bad luck in the man you picked. Because you can end up with that kind of guy no matter where he is from.

I have had the same sort of experience with turkish people for example, but it would be extremly unfair if I would label the turkish people as a whole as spoiled children just because I had bad experience with a certain few.

Be careful how you judge people. Because the way you describe swedish people to be very childish without even giving any real description as to how we are childish will only result in making you look childish instead. Especially if you say that you are married to one while still saying that we act like spoiled children.

What is is that we get that we dont give back for example?

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Emilie

May 27th, 2010 at 15:30

You are right Bjorn. I agree wholeheartedly that no individual is the same as the next. However there are certainly some cultural similarities to be found within a country. For example the British are always complaining about the weather lol (but that’s because it’s awful!)
Although this blog is about Swedish men and we are discussing similarities that we have found. Personally my guy was more talkative and forthcoming than me to begin with and then it became so that I was making the conversation. So in that way I felt he was not giving me much. And no, he still asked me out so he wasn’t trying to get rid of me! Lol :-)

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Princess

May 27th, 2010 at 17:28

@Dano – semantics my dear fellow. Anyway let’s put that one to bed as NOONE’s perfect!

@Emile – indeed yay us weather whinging Brits – we have to be good at something cos we seem to stuff up sooo much else (bless our uselessness).

@everyone

I think each nation does have cultural stereotypes and certain propensities to behave in some way and these become more apparent when abroad and observing other people. But we’re all individuals as well.

Am still waiting to meet a lovely Swedish male so I can start forming my own opinions on this breed!

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autumn

May 28th, 2010 at 10:33

What a amazing forum ^_^

I am Vietnamese, I just googled about Swedish Cultures and lost my way here :)

I just started dating with Swedish Vietnamese guy so that is the reason why I googled about their culture. I have another Swedish friend who was interested in me also, but he and i could not work out because he had to come back to Sweden, we still stay in touch. I feel they are respectful, caring, humorous,romantic, … hmm i dont think they’re shy [or maybe our vietnamese people are too shy for them :)]. I am not sure if there is any differency between White Swedish and Other-Swedish. Could some Swedish here please tell me?

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Björn

May 29th, 2010 at 00:24

@ Emilie

Yeah, we swedes complain about the weather too=P. My point was that it is wrong to say strongly negative things about a whole people without even giving an explanation to back it up, and to form an opinion on a whole people based on one or more individuals.

We may very well be acting as spoiled children compared to other cultures. But with an accusation such as that I would at least want to hear the explanation behind that opinion.

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Mille

May 29th, 2010 at 19:13

Hejsan,

the thread is so interesting, couldn’t help but writing a few lines about my situation here… i’m a 25 year-old girl, Asian, quite reserved, not because i feel insecure or smth, but because i have grown up in a very conservative society.

i study in Sweden and i have many incredibly wonderful Swedish friends, very funny friendly, helpful! When it comes to friendship, I say it for sure, Swedes are the greatest and the most reliable friends!

when it comes to relationships, i agree, a Swede is very shy, even introvert, but after a few beers – a completely different person!

Anyways, i like a Swedish guy, we take a course together, he’s 2 years older than i am. All the time i find him staring at me and i did make the first step, i started talking to him, smiling at him, we have this eye-whatever contact, but he doesnt act further.. and i feel that he likes me, but what else should i do to make him ACT?!

I am 100% sure he knows that i have a crush on him, but i dont know what is there… he is normally not shy, he is very active and fun around his friends, but when we meet, he just looks at me and smiles.. nothing else.. what’s wrooong?

i’m gonna see him at club next week and will need to come up with some action, otherwise, i really like him, i dont want to end this up without even having had started. Wish me luck! any tips?

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Mille

May 29th, 2010 at 19:22

… hmmm, and i really hope he doesnt have a girlfriend.. cuz he wouldn’t have started smiling and searching for eye-contact if he had, right? or..?

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Sapphire

May 29th, 2010 at 20:48

@Tired – Just curious, are you still married to that man? Men or women can act like petulant children.

Hi Mille – The club seems a good way to get closer to him. A little alcohol, dancing, close proximity are the right combination to see if he likes you.

One thing I am not sure about is how direct swedish men are when it comes to mentioning a girlfriend. Just knowing from my work buddies, I had no idea most were in a relationship unless something passively was said. Eg. “having dinner with sambo’s parents; need to buy something for her birthday.” Very elusive to me.

Keep us updated. Maybe Björn has some ideas?

Wow! 198 comments… soon it will be time to start a new post on the Dying Questions for Swedish Men.

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PIneapplemix

May 29th, 2010 at 22:13

@Dano, You are SO Right!!! your comment made my day !!!

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Mille

May 29th, 2010 at 23:07

Thanks Sapphire! :) yup, will certainly update you guys. Björn, några idéer?:)what’s the Swedish way of mentioning gf/bf’s if there are any?

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Björn

May 30th, 2010 at 00:17

@ Mille

What do you mean by mentioning Bf/GF?. Either you are a couple or you are not. If its about deciding if you and your date is going to be exclusive, then it is a matter of asking. You could just be blunt and say something like “I dont want to continue with this unless it is exclusive”. It might sound cheesy but it really seem to work. I mean how would you feel if a woman/man would tell you that they have very strong feelings for you and that they want it to be you and him/her exclusively?. It would feel pretty good right? =). Atleast if you have strong feelings for that person. Just go for it! =D

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Björn

May 30th, 2010 at 00:21

@ Mille

Forgot to add, swedish men are still MEN. If they act in a way that seems they only want to have it and nothing more, it is a big chance that it is exactly what they are after. It is a general truth, men want it and some of us will say and do anything to get it. Women want it just as much as us, but they seem to have A LOT more discipline in that area =D

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Dano

May 30th, 2010 at 09:07

@Pinapplemix – Happy to have made your day lol. Which comment by the way? Probably the “all men are bastards” one? I’m told thats the only intelligent comment i ever make! Blah! :(

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Emilie

May 30th, 2010 at 10:10

Lol @ Dano! I know that all are not :-) however it took about 35 years for me to find it out!
@ Bjorn, yes I understand it is important to back up any comments made and not make blanket generalisations about a race. Also, you are making me wonder if the guy I knew only wanted one thing and didn’t like that I was trying to get closer emotionally. He is in the music business and the public eye and I bet he gets plenty of offers. How shallow if that is all he wants! At his age too (mid 30’s) oh well his loss! A pity though as I felt we had something special for a while. Perhaps the most special part was the possibility of something as the reality of his behaviour did not match up to the promise.

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Pineapplemix

May 30th, 2010 at 16:57

@Dano Yes, that part and all your comments. I’ve been reading this site for a while but never posted any. I have no experience about Swede but learning indirectly from the site. I know two swedish guys have a crush on both. :D trying to understand them but it’s difficult. Im not that young like other girls in this blog so, I wish I can get some mature point of view. Anyhow, I will keep monitor or maybe participate it more often.

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Mille

May 31st, 2010 at 20:55

haha, Björn, your second comment is a killer! yes, whatever he has in mind, i better find it out; we’ll see how it will go. But thanks for your remarks:)

about gf/bf thing, i was just wondering how explicit swedes are about past or present relationships? like if HE and I havent started dating and are just on the stage of getting to know each other and there is apparently a chemistry there, what is the chance that he already has a girlfriend? I mean he has never mentioned something like that, and by his facebook page, he seems single, but you never know…

i once used to see an american, who seemed completely into me, we’d been together for several weeks before i found out that all this time he had a girlfriend and when i did say, he was like, it was my problem not his.. anyhow, we ended it the same evening and it was a very bad ending.. which i dont want to experience again. I know it was just a single case, and you cant generalize, but what is the common thing for swedes?

staying friends with ex’s – yes, very common, but having a gf and starting a new relationship?

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Kat

June 10th, 2010 at 06:32

I just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE this blog and learning some of the random Swedish quirks. I always get a good laugh out of it.

So, anyway…I know Swedes tend to be shy, but I need advice on determining whether or not he’s interested. I’ve e-mailed him and he has responded, but I’m not sure if it was for the sake of politeness. He takes a day or two to respond, so as much as I’m inclined to make excuses for him, I’m thinking he’s not interested or he’s just waiting it out because that’s the thing to do. I’m not sure about Swedish “etiquette,” regarding this so any input would be fantastic.

Thanks!

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Henrik

June 10th, 2010 at 19:19

Being a Swedish guy I find this site very funny, I just stumbled upon it. It is very interesting to see your views of us =D

Overall most Swedes are very shy and will not take the first step unless at a pub/club. It doesn’t really matter if we are beautiful and look confident and so on it’s part of our culture even though. Speaking for myself and many other guys I could sit and smile to a girl for a year and still not be able to do anything about it unless we happen to end up at a party together we’re we somehow end up next to each other. Of course not all Swedish guys are like this, far from it, but many are. However if they are smiling towards you I would say they are at least attracted to you. But be aware of the open liberated culture in Sweden, it’s ok to go home with someone without it meaning anything, so it could just be physical attraction.

Oh well there was some ranting which some Swedish guys will agree to and some won’t! Good luck in finding some guys! =D

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Sapphire

June 12th, 2010 at 13:54

Hey Dano, Kat, Henrik,Björn, Mille and the rest of the gang.

Am going to lock this post down in the next couple days and start a new post of Questions for the Swedish Man.

The new post should have comment threading, thereby making it easier to respond to each other. And we’ll have new questions =)

So, please post a question about Swedish men, dating, Swedish women and your final thought . Monday I’ll lock the post down.

Thanks guys! /sapph

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DeepSoul

June 13th, 2010 at 02:14

Glad I can be one of the last people to post in this thread. Ladies, I think I have found out the dying questions for Swedish men. :) Simply be yourself, always be honest, remember the things which make him happy, make him laugh, and have confidence. You will learn the keys to his heart by really understanding him. He doesn’t come from another planet. <3 :D I wish you ladies all the best in finding the man to capture your hearts, showing you all the love and kindness you deserve. Hugs!

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Dano

June 13th, 2010 at 03:26

@Sapphire – I look forward to the new thread. :)

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Confused

June 13th, 2010 at 07:01

Don’t know if this question will be answered in time, but I’ll give it a shot. Where I work (Not in Sweden), there is a Swedish guy who seems as in to me as I am in him, but it hasn’t gone beyond pleasant exchanges. My question is this: While I totally feel the attraction there, everyone at my job thinks he’s the sweetest, and he is very nice to them all. SO! How can I tell if he is just being nice to me as he is to everyone – and I am making up this whole romance in my head – OR if he feels more than the regular kindness towards me? Is there any specific thing that I might look for, since when I look at it afterwards, I start to think I just made it up… but when I see him, and he speaks to me, I can’t help but believe there’s something there!

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Emilie

June 13th, 2010 at 10:28

Yes thanks so much Sapphire. I like it Deepsoul, although it is hard to understand when you’ve been deleted from a friend’s list and yet he still wishes you a happy birthday from his work!? x

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Dano

June 13th, 2010 at 14:11

@Emilie – ” He is in the music business and the public eye and I bet he gets plenty of offers. ”
Unfortunately there’s your answer!Also,if he only contacts you from work then the possibility of a wife or girlfriend at home enters the equation.Sorry.

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Emilie

June 13th, 2010 at 18:47

Thanks Dano, any feedback appreciated. Although I know he lives with his house mate and also that he cares about me. We all have our issues. However I should not make excuses for him!! Arrgh in the mean time I;m in a relationship with someone else and feeling like I’m being unfaithful as I still have feelings for him. Sigh thinking of saying time out to my boyfriend (who is lovely and doesn’t deserve to get hurt) so I can work this out. Love is never simple well not for me! Thanks everyone.

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Lynn

June 14th, 2010 at 01:35

My relationship with my Swedish man is the best relationship I’ve had in my 20+ years of dating. I’m trying to resist the thought that Swedish men are better than American men, because I realize that it is not logical or fair to generalize (even positively) based on a sample size of one.

But… I think it is fair to say that as a feminist I find the Swedish dating/relationship culture to be much more to my liking than the American dating culture. For example, I like that it is more acceptable in Swedish culture for a woman to ask a guy out or in the case of online dating send the first email. I also like the equity in paying for the first few dates (taking turns paying or splitting the check). It’s not fair that American men are expected to pay for the first and second and third dates. Finally, from what I’ve heard, it’s more acceptable in Sweden to establish sexual compatibility earlier rather than playing the holding out/waiting game for a given number of dates or weeks.

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Princess

June 15th, 2010 at 17:47

I have date with a Swedish guy at weekend…so hopefully new post will be relevant!

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Dano

June 16th, 2010 at 13:33

Whit wooooo..you go girlie!! Get down wit ya bad self.Nudge nudge wink wink what!
Ahum..
Hope you have a wonderful time and keep count of how many tips you use on him that you got from here lol. ;)

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Lina

June 17th, 2010 at 02:44

Hey I randomly bumped into this forum ahah and it’s kinda interesting
Hm what can I say about Swedish guys ?
hm I’ve had a bf from there and my current bf is also Swedish. They are shy indeed, but if they like you or love you and you show them you are serious as well oH my Gosh girl, they will worship you and will do anything to be with you.( judging from my own experience).
I’m gonna list few facts about Swedish guys
They don’t like to complain
They are very good listeners
They help at home (doing house work )
They cook :]
They give nice massages and always cheer you up
They make nice hot chocolate :P
They will understand and support you
They will always help you when you are indeed
They love when you surprise them
They love funny/outgoing girls
They also like natural looking girls

Hope that helps ;]

Oh by the way

About bills n such Hm they always pay, honestly when I have asked them to pay my share I’ve usually got a funny look from them haahha(something like are u mad? ahha) . Usually I have to insist like mad and then they say OK ahhaha

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Dano

June 17th, 2010 at 10:43

As compared to English guys:

We love to complain.Loud,long and never ending!
We’re good listeners,but we respond too!
We don’t DO housework! (unless we want something lol)
We cook..as long as it’s a pot noodle,beans on toast or toasted cheese sandwich!
We can do massage,although it lasts about 3.16 minutes then turns into something more!How “cheered up” you get is debateable!
2 heaped teaspoonfuls of cadburys powder,boiling milk (not water),sugar optional! = hot chocolate.
We understand and support you..as long as there’s no football on the tv at the time!
Some will help when in need..some will be at the pub!
Depends on the surprise. Surprise candlelit meal = good
surprise “fun” with his best friend when he comes home early = bad!
We love funny/outgoing girls..until we get together with them,then they’re not allowed to be funny/outgoing with anyone else!
We like natural looking girls..unless they’re naturally ugly!!

About bills and stuff..we honestly prefer to do a runner rather than pay,so when dating English guys,take a table near the door and wear running shoes!

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Emilie

June 17th, 2010 at 16:04

Hahahaha @ Dano

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Lina

June 17th, 2010 at 19:00

@Dino
TBh alot of ur facts are true! :P sorry

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Pineapplemix

June 18th, 2010 at 00:33

@Dano, Your analogies are killing me hahaha

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Still Confused

June 18th, 2010 at 01:36

Any Swedish guys out there who can answer my question? Really would help to know what the difference is and what specifically to look for…. Reposting my inquiry:

Where I work (Not in Sweden), there is a Swedish guy who seems as in to me as I am in him, but it hasn’t gone beyond pleasant exchanges. My question is this: While I totally feel the attraction there, everyone at my job thinks he’s the sweetest, and he is very nice to them all. SO! How can I tell if he is just being nice to me as he is to everyone – and I am making up this whole romance in my head – OR if he feels more than the regular kindness towards me? Is there any specific thing that I might look for, since when I look at it afterwards, I start to think I just made it up… but when I see him, and he speaks to me, I can’t help but believe there’s something there!

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Emilie

June 18th, 2010 at 15:21

@ Still Confused
I have totally the same situation. However he also told me I was impatient and removed me from his friends list after we fell out when I chased him up for a response after he had promised to reply to me regularly! Yet still… he is affectionate to me! I think I am going to have to ask outright which I don’t feel very comfortable doing. However it is better than hanging on and wondering about his feelings. I think (someone say if I a mwrong) that Swedish men prefer a woman to be quite forceful. I find it all very odd but care enough to ask him what he feels (if anything!) Not easy is it?!
Oh have just split with the boyfriend due to a too big a gap in life experience and feel like a cow, he was so upset! Also because I have to sort out my feelings for this guy.

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Dano

June 19th, 2010 at 00:14

Curious now..”too big a gap in life experience”?..Do tell? lol.

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Still Confused

June 19th, 2010 at 03:38

@Emily
Thanks. It is quite a conundrum, isn’t it? I’m not ready to ask quite yet, but it may be something that has to be done down the line. In the meantime, I guess I’ll just have to do my best and see what transpires… If anything!

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Emilie

June 19th, 2010 at 09:52

Well good luck, I have been in this situation for a year so far lol.
Umm “too big a gap in life experience” means that not only was he 10 years younger than me but that I have had treble the life experiences that my he had. I realised he was very young in terms of emotional maturity, for example he informed me how some other girl was “out of his league” (thanks for making that clear mate, so am I actually!) and just kind of saying what I wanted to here (which is actually a form of dishonesty) instead of being true to himself. Crunch time was when I met his Mum and thought, really if she’s here he doesn;t need me here! He still lives at home and spends a lot of his money on T-shirts and CDs and magazines. ALso he never tidies his room lol. :-/ oh well at least it was a better relationship than any of the others, progress not perfection! :-D

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Princess

June 19th, 2010 at 12:58

@Emilie – ha know exactly where you coming from the the younger guy saying idiotic things – I saw one 9 yrs youger who informed me ‘I’m a catch’. Hmm no you’re not as you’ve not a career path, drink too much, are damn lazy + are too attached to your parents (he went back to live at home at 25 – sad). Think it was correct ditch! Good luck with sorting Swedish guy situ out.

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Emilie

June 19th, 2010 at 13:32

@ Princess thanks he was 27. He wasn’t allowed out into town at night until he was 16. Why don’t I listen to the signs?? Well thanks for wishing me luck, I may be sorting this tomorrow if I feel up to it. Fed up of not knowing where I stand… evidently a few of us girls have had similar situs with the Swedish male. Why are they like this? Partly he irritates me to pieces and then with the other part I always want him to be in my life. But if I don’t hear anythink back in the next few weeks I think I am going to have to steer clear completely for a while until I am fully over it. Otherwise I won’t move on with my love life.

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Dano

June 19th, 2010 at 14:05

@stillconfused – I don’t know where you work,but what if Sarah in accounts decides to ask him while you’re still sat waiting for signs and a green light? I’m well versed in the fear of rejection and messing things up game..but too many times others stepped in and some time later during a chat they say “oh..why didn’t you say anything back then?”!
Grab the cow by the teets and take the plunge! If he rejects you then he wasn’t good enough for you anyhow.Become a part time lesbian,swedish girls are cuter than the guys after all! :D

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Princess

June 19th, 2010 at 15:12

@stillconfused – ask him! If you can’t summon the guts to do it face to face them email him but it’s far better to know than torture yourself with the unknown…Good luck!

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Emilie

June 20th, 2010 at 00:06

update… sooo I found out from a friend of the Swede’s tonight that he was in love with someone last year and they split up and he moved back here and then they possibly got back together again. So that may explain his behaviour in part. Anyway I am going to ask him in the next few weeks once and for all. Just ask him out see what happens. WIll keep you posted.
P.S. Thought this thread was closing down? Glad it hasn’t yet!

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Fredrik

June 20th, 2010 at 02:44

Wow, this thread is looooong. I’m not sure I can agree on all the things being said about us Swedish men whether it be positive or negative.

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Dano

June 20th, 2010 at 14:10

It’s not closing,just re-opening i think.Sapphire’s probably been busy waving little Swedish flags at the royal wedding and stuff.
I also think we need a “general Swedish questions” thread where we can ask things like “does Kalles kaviar break Geneva convention rules?”
“Why can’t Sweden make a decent loaf of bread?” (no Warburtons “toasty” here Princess!!)
“If i phone a girl using numbers found on the walls of public toilets,is it considered “too intrusive”!?”
etc etc.

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Emilie

June 20th, 2010 at 23:02

hahaha @ Dano you are a funny man :-)

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Sapphire

June 21st, 2010 at 20:02

I was waving little Swedish flags, except was in Germany. Will be making the new thread this week!

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Ben

June 26th, 2010 at 03:10

Wow, this textflow is massive xD I had to scroll past the last half section of this thread, anyway.

Hi,

My name is Ben and I do admit to being Swedish(even half finnish, i guess that’s an addition to the quietness ^^). I have sparsely been on the dating scene but I do agree with the eye thing, I don’t know why we do it. My personal explanation is I sublimally communicate my interest by watching.

I must also agree with the gentlemanlike dance in swedish dejting when it comes to Swedish men and women. We constantly test our partner’s conviction until we’re sure. We are afraid of being left as it’s depression often follows in a cold and sparse country.

Nonetheless, Swedish men are loyal once you get their trust, like with all swedes. Few keep “lose” contacts, many collect close friends instead and meet strangers to sate their passion.

I used to talk to an american woman my age who I really enjoyed talking to her, and probably she to me. In time developed feelings for her.

I wrote her a long letter when she still had a boyfriend, although shortly she left her boyfriend and a long period of flirting commenced. I did the drag and pull, unfortunately she appeared to misunderstand it and as the fool I was i’d forgotten she was still missing her longterm boyfriend, so I tried to be nicer. Talking to her more. She enjoyed it and we picked up again, talked every day. Alot of things which I can’t describe later happened, I had a deep but short period of depression where I tried to push her away. I think I did this again cause I cared for her, I didn’t want her to see me like this, this was not how a man should behave, I am a stoic nearly by definition.

It ended quite abruptly as our two mentalities collided. Me wanting isolation and her wanting closeness. She did not recognize the push and pull I realized. That period was a very complicated period and very hurtful. She was the light of my life and at the same time I became more and more destructive, damaging our relationship even further. Tired, both of us, we decided to meet up in Paris to see if there was a last escape. I went there and first it proved fruitful.

We spoke like old friends(I should tell you that I had told her that we should meet as friends and tried to lead the conversation on that path so that there would perhaps be a cushion, I trusted she liked me enough to make a move when I got there). I had forgotten my sleeping bag at home so, I slept with her in her bed.

The first night I gave her a kiss. That was to be my move, she had still made no move which I fretted meant this was only a friendmeeting. The coming days I tried to bring it up and express how I actually felt without bringing up too much of the hurt we had had in the past, I really wanted to make this work. She was a black cloud constantly, and we fought. Several times I had to leave her dorm, I stormed out.

I tried to make her forget by caressing her, kissing her, making out with her(she complimented me as being a good kisser) everything was a whirlwind. Then, one day everything didn’t go as planned as well, in one of our more heated discussions(she had put up a titanium wall around herself, and I expressed how close I was to weeping, that the honey had turned to venom)I queried what she was thinking, to reach out. Her response: “This isn’t working.”.

This dropped me into further selfdestructive behaviour, smashing lightpoles to sate my frustration. If only she knew how much i’d do for her if she only asked.. The last night, I gulped down an entire bottle of roséwine and turned a little tipsy. Everything was lost anyway, I turned inwards. I smoked, I drank. I jumped out the window xD (bottom floor, don’t worry) cause she forbid me from going out the door one more time(she was worried i’d be taken out by gypsies, I still felt like a small boy with her) and I smoked in the courtyard. I didn’t tell her how I felt as all was anyway lost and i was afraid if I once opened myself her steelwall would be forever there and her venom even more potent.

So, I used the last night to say goodbye. I gave her my everything. Caressing her curls, watching as she dreamed. Waking her slightly. Kissing her, caressing her until she couldn’t stand. We played, caressing each other, pleasuring her. That entire night I gave her all I had. And it was not until I had to leave that I stopped. Tiredly she waved me off at the trainstation. Sadly the fairytale had no happy ending.

I fell into a light depression, and she wanted to talk as always, as “f-buddies”, of course I had agreed to being this as I figured it would put a swift ending to this.

I held out for a week and then I finally told her I couldn’t talk to her, I was going through I rough patch and hoped she understood. She did. She was only talking to me because she was bored, apparently; sadly. By that time she was back in the states, off to find an “american boy” as she put it..

(Sorry for the awesome amount of text ^^’ I just felt like opening up as many of you women in here seem to wonder what really goes through the head of a swedish man, this being my head and me being a swedish man this text could be of some aid. I am a life enjoyer, I enjoy life and I live it to the fullest.)

Yours truly,
Ben

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Ben

June 26th, 2010 at 03:16

I apologize for all the typoes, i’m currently doing an allnighter after midsummer and the room is very sparsely lit :)

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Princess

June 26th, 2010 at 11:28

@Ben – phew what a horlicks you made of that situ. For god’s sake us women aren’t mind readers! Why on earth should we be asking – why can’t you just tell us! Being honest isn’t a disease. Think next time you need to learn from this experience and be little more mature about your feelings. With all that faff feel v sorry for the woman, she must have been exhausted by all your dramatics!

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Ben

June 26th, 2010 at 13:31

@Princess – She definately was and I am quite regretful for that. I do agree that I have to grow up, and that I have a dash for drama isn’t a secret. I still consider myself an open person and I guess I should use that as an advantage to be truthful and not play games.

I resent myself for playing games with her as I really liked her, and i’ll always regret this. Looking at it from the bright side, this was a massive lesson in life.

-Ben

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The New Questions on Swedish Dating

June 26th, 2010 at 18:33

[...] that time again! The dying questions for swedish men is chock full of goodness of information. Before we start on our new questions about swedish [...]

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Sapphire

June 26th, 2010 at 18:38

@Ben – Sounds like your put yourself in a wretched situation for both yourself and the girl. The sad part about love is that if the love is unrequited by the other party, there’s nothing you can do about it. You cannot force someone to love you; no matter how unconditional your love is.

As long as you learned from the experience and treat yourself and the girl with respect, your relationships will be fruitful.

Thanks Ben for the last post on The Dying Questions. The thread is now CLOSED. Head over to: http://lostinstockholm.com/2010/06/26/the-new-questions-on-swedish-dating/ to read the list of new questions and post your own.

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