The Swedish Male Look

I met a little swede a few months ago while I was still living in the US and for the one time in my life, I made a move on him. He was already living in the states for the past eight months but, that really doesn’t change swedish ways; especially male swedish mating ways.

So the backstory: I went to the Scandinavian happy hour; it was of course full of $3 spatens, 80 beers on tap, and many many Swedish men (a couple token Norwegians and women were around too). When I first met my little swede*, Þórbjörn, I was introduced by another mutual friend who happened to be an insane Norwegian lacking a filter on his mouth (that’s another story). I was jokingly introduced as the mistress girlfriend and of course the Swedes in this group of five, giggled. Yes, the men giggle. And then everyone introduces themselves in a typical fashion but then Þórbjörn here, says hi and gives the swedish male look. It is THE look for a swedish man interested in a woman. They refuse to accept the existence of such a look, but it does indeed exist.

THE Swedish Male Look
What is it? Ladies, you know the look you give a man in the bar/restaurant/party etc that you’re interested in him? You look at him, make eye contact, smile shyly, look away, look back at him, and turn away. That, is basically the look a Swedish man gives.

He is an expert at staring at the floor even when none is in line of sight. He will look at you very shyly, smile a little, bat his eyes and look down at the floor at the same time, then look back up at you. I call the ‘devil in a sheep’s outfit’ look. It’s very innocent and endearing but you know and he knows, there are very naughty intentions behind it.

This look is the definite sign of trouble. Ladies in Sweden, if you get this look, you either move in for the kill or move on. He’s played his move with his shy, quiet Nordic self; he’s waiting for you now. It’s subtle. He already drank a few beers and mustered up the courage to give you the look. So, you better your know it.

And if you can recognize the swedish male look, you’ll know how to hunt down any Swede you want. And if you are timid with men, like myself, well you are partly screwed. This is Sweden after all, and the women pick up the men.

Välkommen till Sverige.

*Since the little swede doesn’t have a very Swedish name in real life, I’m going to give him one: Þórbjörn. Okay, that’s Icelandic but whatever. Or maybe Pehr.

March 31, 2008 | Tags: , , , | 12 Comments »

A good day…

Monday was a good day; a proper good day. I received callbacks from the companies I interviewed with last week and both are interested in second round interviews. Good news considering I have been in Sweden for 26 days now. I also wandered around Medborgarplatsen and found a famous music shop that sells sheet music. Because I have all my music at home I only picked a couple basics: scales book, Fur Elise, and Chopin’s Opus 69, no 1 and no 2. It was wonderful. Looking through the sheet music and feeling the music run through my fingers again. It has been six years since I last touched the piano and eight years since I last realistically played. Back at home on the piano, I learned that not all dies when you leave them. Some things will always run through your blood. You may need practice but it is always there.

I also completed my first photo shoot as a model. It was informal because the photographer, another expat American, was on his third shoot of the day and was exhausted. It was still great. I learned a lot and that I have some talent in modeling. I seem to make a good subject: beautiful and happy but evidently with expressive eyes (that evoke sorrow and deepness). Don’t know, but I would love to model again; I love dressing up and wearing costumes. Hopefully I can get another gig with a photographer here in Stockholm. [anyone looking? send me a post =D ]

While it was a great day in Stockholm I couldn’t help from feeling sad. How much I missed the US. I don’t know what I missed but there is something. I sacrificed a part of my life to come here, and I wonder at times what life would be like if I remained in the US. I suppose it doesn’t matter now, I made a choice and I have to live with the consequences for better or for worse. And try I do to see the silver lining in the clouds, but like winter, she evades me. Maybe today was just one small step in the right direction that I do have the ability to be happy in Stockholm without a developed social network, a companion, or a home. Just one step …

And if there are any women reading this blog who looking to become expats or who just became one, I salute you. It is hard especially as a woman to leave your life behind and start anew. But it is possible. Hang in there and good things will come. Know there are others out there who are doing the same. And know whatever you are looking for in life will find you; let the leaves blow toward you.

March 27, 2008 | 8 Comments »

Cluelessness is worse than Maliciousness

I have to give credit to a girlfriend who said that today in a traditional conversation of “men are asses, women are nuts.”

In light of my recent happenings with a certain Swede, blogging about it is the appropriate way to figure out if what happened was due to cultural differences, male carelessness, or dirty thinking. And hey, entertainment value for everyone. =) We’ll start off with last week’s story of a beer outing I had with him and meeting him after six months…

The Nervous Swede
Tall, good looking, athletic, smart, he has the makings of a very fine man. But the Swedish male always has something hidden: his soul, his heart, his intentions, his life. You may meet him several times and only learn about his love for football, sex, and innebandy. He could probably spend most of the evening staring at the floor, ceiling, his shoes, and the infinite particles floating in space. You may never know if he likes you, dislikes you, or wants to take you home forever.

But back to this particular Swede, in usual Swedish spirit we will call him Åke. Åke picks the corner seating in the bar, next to the window. Takes off his neat double breasted pea coat and scarf and sits in the corner. I sit across. We order two beers and begin talking. Then it becomes interesting. Within minutes, he begins fidgeting. Crossing legs. Uncrossing legs. Crossing legs. Rubbing legs. Uncrossing legs. Squirming in the chair.

The conversation quickly unravels into chaos. No topic is covered for more than two minutes. He bombards me with questions: “do you like sweden? are you going to travel? do you know the roads yet? are you going to buy a bike? how is job searching going? where are you applying to ? what abt grad school? when do you find out? where will you live? when do you move in? …” I answer one, I get shot with another. Pretty soon, he was staring off into space. Make eye contact with him, he quickly looks away. A very Swedish thing I must say. Men get scared of making eye contact with women. They will stare at *anything*, but the girl.

Eventually this evening turns into a farce. He looks more and more uncomfortable and frightened. If he had a Fantastic Four power, he would have walked through the window and run. And run! I could not pinpoint his nervousness. Having a beer with a pretty girl? Knowing he has a girlfriend while the one at the table is not quite aware of it? Has a slight attraction and does not know what to do? Who knows…

As luck would have it, Liverpool saved his life. The Champions League was on tv at 20:30 and he could crawl away hoping my look would not destroy him in the process.

And that was öl night with Åke. What it says about Swedish males and males in general, I am not sure yet. But we’ll moving back in time of how this whole relationship unraveled at the seems and eventually imploded.

PS- I should make it clear I am not here to bash him. He was not a bad person or an ass to me during the six months of online confusion (btw, we met each other in person first). It was a learning experience. He admitted being attracted to me and liking me too. But then he was clueless; clueless that I was always attracted to him even though we both saw different people; clueless about flirting that was misinterpreted by me; clueless that being overly helpful is a sign of attraction (no such thing as a free lunch). Though sadly, being clueless is more damaging than being malicious. And maybe distance and time too…

Clarification: I should mention that though I had a deep crush on Åke, I knew it would have never worked out. I had blind optimism that there was still a spark and that maybe the sun, moon, stars, planets, galaxies would have aligned themselves. They didn’t of course and that is for me to accept. What was most hurtful however was being flirted with (knowingly or unknowingly on his end) for a long period when intentions were never there. I can be heartbroken but I don’t like being a made fool out of.

March 19, 2008 | Tags: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Snow, Love, and Rising from the Ashes

It snowed today. Yes, winter is desperately trying to prove herself worthy of being called winter. And she did a fine job today; the snow remained throughout the morning. I loved it; walking down the street bundled up while large, beautiful white flakes fall onto your hair and coat is majestic. The surrounding trees, fences, cars, and grass covered in white fluff makes everything more romantic. Truly. Snow is romantic. For those who live in the northern states or snow filled areas of the world, there isn’t anything more beautiful than watching the earth be covered in powdered sugar while you enjoy a hot chocolate and a book inside.

But moving on to the second part of title: love. It is a strong word but there is no word between ‘like’ and ‘love.’ (Seems like there is a good market opportunity out there for someone to create such a word.) I came to a sad realization yesterday; someone I had pined for the past six months no longer reciprocated those feelings. He said he had the same feelings and continued flirting during this time. And he was overly friendly, always helping me with whatever I needed if it related to Sweden. (Yes, he is Swedish and yes, he is from Stockholm.) I know Swedes are known to partake in careless, uninhibited flirting, but he crossed the line. Where? It doesn’t matter, one knows. Nevertheless, I felt cheated and taken advantage of, some signs are universal and whether he knew it or not, he continued showing interested despite having a girlfriend. Now, I pondered whether to bring him up in my blog because a certain amount of his privacy would be divulged. Then I decided, it is my life too and if anything, I do write about the Swedish male mind and here indeed is the perfect specimen. You can look forward to posts about him and the twisted, albeit entertaining Swedish male in the future.

Ending the drama with him is a relief. He tore me apart for six months and to go on any longer was ridiculous. Like my friends said, “it’s his loss and his fear to do something new that ended it.” So fine, it’s done and I can move on in peace (maybe a slap to him would be helpful). I can rise from the ashes in every way possible. Today it is my time to shine without a crutch of a male to push me aside as a second. I gave up everything I had to move to Sweden and I deserve what I strive for in this new life. A new job, grad school, friends, home are my priorities. Definitely I will not say no to the fika or a “date” (hey, this blog is about hunting the swedish male) but it is no longer my priority. The phoenix imploded after having her heart broken again and she has returned to a new life.

March 18, 2008 | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Arriving in Europe

I’m here. I did it. I left the United States. I’m not sure why I left and why I’m here anymore but it’s all done now.

Friday I arrived in Copenhagen with my dad and we took the train to Stockholm, really awesome. At T-Centralen we met my cousin and my friend from the US, KAA, whom I was very excited to see. The apartment my cousin is staying in is seriously small, 23sq meters and I may jump off the bridge at some point. LOL.

Today it is traditional rainy Stockholm. I didn’t mind, maybe in another month the rain will get to me, as well as the lack of snow. But I like it here, it feels right. It is also sad, I left so much behind in the US. To lift my spirits I met KAA (also from the bay area) for a beer in Slussen. Got drunk, off of one beer, came home and napped. Earlier in the day, I met an old friend from France. We both studied there at the same time and now she’s visiting a mutual friend in Sthlm. Felt very homely. =)

Still, I am emotionally confused. I don’t know what to expect nor do I have any real stability here. And I miss home terribly. I miss the Mexican restaurants, the cheap food, cars, and friends. I am here now, to start a new life. But if the past wants to intersect and join with me, I would not say no.

Välkommen till Sverige.

March 1, 2008 | 4 Comments »