Comments on: Dating in Sweden…We Americans need a guide

By: Moonlight

Moonlight — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:35:55 +0000

Björn,

thanks for the reply, I thought he might not be completely over his ex, but the more I think about it, he might be just playing with me… :( You’re right, he probably just wants to sleep with me (and he made that as clear as it gets) and I fell for him completely… :( I still dont get him though – why did he bother writing to me in the first place (I was the one to give my email address to him, but didnt ask for his, and he was pretty quick to contact me), he’s the one suggesting a date in Venice, jacuzzi together after sightseeing, and much more after the jacuzzi, but goes completely cold after hearing that I cant travel anywhere due to health. Dont get me wrong, I told him that I would absolutely love that… I should probably move on… Serves me right for being so childish and naive:(

By: Björn

Björn — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:21:14 +0000

@ Moonlight

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as a swedish guy. I would say that if he cant even say something small as a “I will miss you too” then it might not be the “one”. I mean If I would really like a girl and she would say something like that, then it would give me a huge amount of butterflies in my stomach hehe. I wouldt tell the whole world of course, but I would at the very least give the girl a similair answer in return.

And if it of any help, I am pretty shy too =P

By: Moonlight

Moonlight — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:03:06 +0000

hey all, it seems like whatever I google about swedes – this site comes up:) I’m in a complicated situation with a swede atm, we only met once, but chatting on msn ever since that night. He’s adorable, but I dont understand him most of the time… he flirts with me a lot, I know he likes me, but, for example, when saying bye I say I’ll miss him, he just writes “awww, how sweet” instead of saying he’d miss me too… :( I know he’s shy, he’s probably afraid as well, because it turns out that he always ends up dumped by girls and so on… I just dont get it – what do I have to prove to him to get him to open up?… I told him I’d like to meet him again, and it seems “sudden” for him for some reason. I didnt get a full opinion about that, because during that conversation I remembered that I cant fly over (I’m in England, he’s in Sweden, we met in Manchester) because shortly after we met I had a deep venous thrombosis and am not allowed to take any trips for at least a year. I’m on the edge of giving up – maybe its just not meant to be?…

Anyway, Sapphire, whats your blogspot url? I’d like to follow and see if I can come to understanding him more… btw, mine’s moonlightam.blogspot.com

By: Ari

Ari — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 18:11:20 +0000

Can’t add anything, but having read through, I just wanted know what happened in MB’s situation with the older swede? MB don’t leave me hanging, I want to find out if it turned out for you!

By: Björn

Björn — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 03:53:02 +0000

@Latina girl

Well I wouldt go as far as saying that we expect the girls to do most of the work. Id say its more like we expect a 50/50 thing if you get what I mean. But if you have to start all the conversation on the chat then you should just ask straight up why he never talks to you unless you talk to him first, be sure to also ask if he doest like you because that would put some preassure on him. It sure would for me atleast lol. And then you will most likely get an honest answer and hopefully he will start more conversations from that point forward. Might just be that he needs some real confirmation.

Sometimes I hear girls talking about how guys are boring for not making the first move. The way I see is that why is the guy boring for not making the first move and the girl is not? if a girl is interessted in the guy she should just make the first move, I guarantee you that a swedish guy sure as hell wont be disapointed in that. And if you are affraid to appear cheap then the best way to avoid that would be to not sleep with him the same night. That will make a very good impression.

Hope this is of any help to you or anyone else.

By: Latina girl

Latina girl — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 05:54:52 +0000

@Björn
Thank you for taking some time to see my dumb questions!
Yes, I agree with you, it is a difference in culture. I like differences. I heard something similar to what you say, about being respectful. So, I shouldn’t freak out then if he doesn’t take the initiative. It’s just that in my culture we rarely greet first… well we might but most of the time it’s when the guy is a friend we can really trust on and feel comfortable enough to do that. The way I see it is that Swedish men and latin women are very similar in some ways… we are used to see the opposite sex doing most of the work or at least a little more than the half, we are afraid to say hi or smile because we might look desperate or be rejected even though it’s just a natural way to express happiness.
Same with small talk… we love it! It’s our way to say “I enjoy talking to you, even when there isn’t much to say at the moment, it’s better to say at least something than completely ignoring you”. But again, I understand that in other cultures people think it’s weird or not sincere. We just hate ignoring people… it doesn’t feel good.
About the drinking… I get it.
One thing I really like about Swedes is that you are VERY honest. That’s very refreshing. I can’t stand hypocrites. I’d appreciate more if a person tells me “I don’t like you” than acting like he does but deep inside thinking “poor girl, she’s so naive”. So I guess I should be happy when my Swedish friend talks to me. By the way, he has taken the initiative before, for example, he has called me a few times and stuff like that. But it’s like 3 out of 10, and it’s always with a “good reason”, not just to say hi.
Well, thanks again for your time =) You guys are the best!

By: Björn

Björn — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:02:23 +0000

@latina girl

I did take a look at your comments, and well if I could answer it in one sentence I would say. Its a difference in culture. I can understand your questions about finding out if the guy likes you or not, Id say since over here we dont have the same “chivalry” as other countires. If a girl says no its usually means we stop, its not about not having any balls or being pussies, its more that of a respect thing. Think of it as this, if a guy walks up to you in a bar or whatever and starts to talk with you no matter how drunk he is. Its as obvious as a lightning bolt in a clear sky that he is interessted in you, but since in sweden women can do the same, if you play hard to get we usually take that as a “Im not interessted at all” sign. We might be more shy but also the girls here are more direct aswell. If you dont show any real interesst then we take it as you are not interssted at all and might aswell move on to the next girl or just sob at some corner and get drunk as hell =P.

So when he doest say hi in messenger or whatever chat program you use, it might be because he wants you to say hi to him. Its really hard for us to speak about how we feel, I cant speak for everyone but for me its because I have a really hard time thinking of any reason why anyone would want to hear about it. I mean ask me how a feel and I will say Im either happy/or annoyed depending on how I feel at that moment but why should I explain it further? it would just be whining or uninteresting chit chat.

About the drinking, its actually in our culture to be honest. We drink because we like it. I like getting drunk, I like talking while being drunk. And I even look forward to take a few beers in the evening after a hard days work. If I met a foreign woman and she would ask me to stop my drinking then I would compromise by not drinking on certain days. Drinking is in my culture, evertyime I meet my dad for example we always drink like 10 beers and have a steak or something. We get drunk and we talk about all kinds of stuff but thats how its always been, since he was my age and since his dad was that age and on and on. You cant just change that =P.

PS: Im not alcoholic and neither are the normal swede, in fact the drinking stuff is even getting less and less for most people these days. Its just that it makes us happy lol.

By: Latina girl

Latina girl — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:27:15 +0000

@Björn
Ok! Good to know! It seems to me though that the woman puts herself out there a lot more than the man. Maybe it’s just my “latin” need for chivalry =) But… I guess I’m ok with that, I mean, it’s not the ideal situation for me, but if I care enough for the guy I would deal with it. It’s the confusing part what I don’t like. Oh, well… I hope I can get the mind of swedish guys quickly (by the way doing this is helping) because I’m sort of losing hope.
And if having a couple of beers helps you open up… keep doing it! Just don’t get drunk lol
P.S. I made some comments on the section “The Dying Questions for the Swedish Men”, if you wouldn’t mind taking a look, it would be good to see some feedback =)

By: Björn

Björn — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:20:17 +0000

Hi there=) like many others I was just messing around and came across this blog. Im a 26 year old swedish guy and I have to say it was very fun and interessting to read all of this stuff=). Its very fun to see comments about things that are so very normal for me but seen as something completly alien for others hehe. I did not read each and every post though, but one certain thing is that if you want to find a guy in sweden a bar or nightclub is not a very good place. In sweden we go there for one night stands usually, and me and my friends agree that you dont find any nice girls at a club. Its just one night stands or at best “KK” which roughly translates to (without using bad language hehe) casual-sex-buddy. Which is basically a booty call which goes both ways. Its not unusal to hook up with a girl in a bar and sleep with her only to find out that she already has a boyfriend, usually by him calling her and she trying to explain her whereabouts. So no, swedish guys at a bar usually only wants a one night stand. A party at someones home, or perhaps a social gathering of friends such as a barberque or some bowling or whatever is however a great way to meet someone=).

@Latina girl well Id say that there is a fine line between “dating” and being a couple. Sometimes you act just like a couple but in truth its just dating or casual sex. The only real way is to tell the guy that you want it to be official, and he if refuses then you should just leave him and find someone who will appreciate you. Alot easier said than done but it atleast will be more rewarding in the end.

PS. Ive already had a couple of beers so this is as open as I’ll ever get hah! =P

By: Latina girl

Latina girl — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 01:35:28 +0000

Hej!
I have a question. How does one know if you are dating a swedish or you are just friends? In my culture things happen in different stages:

1) Friends. You hand out in a group of friends, share, have fun
2) More than friends. At this stage you see something special in the other person and he might ask you if he “can get to know you better”, maybe in group, visiting you at your house, going to see a movie, etc.
3) Boyfriend and girlfriend. He already saw many good things in you and sees you as potential wife material, in the future. No girl assumes they are boyfriend and girlfrien unless he asks: do you want to be mmy girlfriend? It’s a serious step. It can last around a year. Of course they can break up but only if there’s something really wrong
4) Engagement. It isn’t as spectacular as in american movies. They just talk about when/what date would it be good to get married. Usually the boy starts the conversation. A ring is also given.
5) Getting married. After some months of engagement.

Can anyone explain me what is the Swedish procedure (more or less)?? Thanks!