The World of a Nomad

66 Comments Add your own

• 1. Lucello  |  November 15, 2007 at 9:39 pm

  Ooh, ooh!

  Here are some responses from my swedish sweetie (don’t tell him I posted here):

  1. Is it acceptable for women to ask men out?

  Yes

  2. Do men expect women to ask them out or vice versa?

  I think it’s somewhat less acceptable for a guy to turn a girl down, than vice versa…
  More often the guy, of course.
  That’s just a biological thing, you know.

  3. So, if a girl asks a guy out, he’ll say yes even if he doesn’t particularly want to?

  I’d say so.

  4. What is the typical swedish ‘date’?

  Why? What is this all about?
  Why am I being interrogated?

  5. Well I have a friend who just moved to Sweden and she’s wondering.

  First date? Coffee shop or movie or possibly dinner…
  “Fika”

  6. Fika?

  “Fika” is having coffee, basically.

  7. Do men prefer women to take the lead?

  Depends on the man, you monkey.

  8. How does a second date work? Do people kiss on the first date? or go farther?

  Depends on the people.
  Yes, and yes.

  9. What’s with the text messaging?

  What?

  10. Well, apparently you are not supposed to call someone you went out with, but always sms..

  Uh, that’s after my time.

  11. So, she says that other swedish women have said that swedish men lack chilvary (I have witnessed that).

  Ha.
  And Swedish women behave like sluts when they go abroad.
  Go on vacation, have greek with the surf board instructor, come home, give their boyfriend diseases.
  Because the surf board instructor was so romantic!
  Not like the boyfriend, at all! Gave her roses!

  Inviting a man home for white wine, shrimp, and a baguette used to be women’s way of declaring interest.
  In the old days.

• 2. Sapphire  |  November 15, 2007 at 9:51 pm

  Oh my goodness, I nearly fell off the chair laughing! Your sweetie is quite entertaining and we’ll keep his name anonymous. Or call him Sven. =)

  I have very limited experience with the Swedish males but what I do like is that women are allowed to take charge and ask men out. It’s very difficult in America to do that because then people attach labels. Of course, I find it totally entertaining to see 6′4” slender males giving the flirt look at a bar and not make a move.

  Unless there is alcohol … a definite prerequisite.

• 3. Lucello  |  November 15, 2007 at 9:59 pm

  I would also like to point out that I met my particular swede on match.com, the U.S. version. Just saying.

• 4. Sapphire  |  November 15, 2007 at 10:05 pm

  Nice! I have not really made any effort on match.com (or .se)…
  I should, to continue my social experiment.

• 5. Nettan  |  November 20, 2007 at 7:33 pm

  I’m a swedish girl who moved from sweden and Stockholm 6 years ago (I would love to return, but that\s another story)
  anyway… dating, screwed up? I can only agree.
  In my opinion – you have no clue what’s going on. I found the dating in northamerica so much better but, I guess, so old-fashioned. In Sweden women are far more independant than that.
  As for the SMS behavior, it had already started before I left and I’m sure nobody ever talks ever nowadays.
  Another thing that is a striking difference is the fact that it does take a long time before Swedes gets married – if ever. Many of my friends stay engaged, common-law and have kids withouth getting married. Over here, it seems if you get engaged you actually intend to set a date and get married within a year or two.
  Good luck with your Sweden move, sounds exiting!

• 6. SEK  |  January 3, 2008 at 2:09 pm

  Hmmm, dating Swedes, where to begin…

  I’m not really sure how to go about dating a Swede as me and my boyfriend met online but I do know what it’s like to be in relationship with one so my comments are more from that point of view.

  Be prepared to meet ex-girlfriends. This might sound strange especially to an American since we tend to break up and never speak again but accept it and move on as “she” will never be totally out of your boyfriends life. The same goes for chicks. This might not happen as much in Stockholm or Gothenburg but in the smaller communities everyone is friends with everyone and they’ve all known each other since they were 3 years old. Your boyfriend won’t constantly hang out with his ex but he won’t leave a party just bc she’s there so it’s best to make friends with her and just get along.

  Be prepared to pay for your things and I mean even if you’re popping into a store to grab some candy, he’s not going to just pick up the tab for you. Well, my Swedeheart will but he’s taken

  Relish in the fact that you won’t likely have to ask him to take the trash out or help with the dishes or take turns cooking. He’ll just do it on his own and not even bat an eye at it. Equality among the sexes is something I love about Swedes. I have never had to ask my boyfriend to help me clean or cook. If I’m doing either one, he just steps in and starts helping without being asked.

  Watch how you talk to other men. Being a friendly American can definently be misinterpreted as flirting. Stay away from actual contact with other Swedes unless you are saying, “hi” or “goodbye” and are coupling this with a simple hug. If you are touchy, they think you want to jump in the sack.

  Don’t be surprised if you’re boyfriend wants to start a family but doesn’t want to get married. It’s super common in Sweden. Alot of people see weddings as just a huge expense and they don’t feel like they need a piece of paper to prove their love. There are a lot of Swedes who do get married as well, don’t get me wrong, but that’s usually after living together for a long time.

  I’ll add more if and when I think of it.

  Good Luck, after all, Love is a Battlefield, lol!

  SEK – Sarah

• 7. Sapphire  |  January 3, 2008 at 2:56 pm

  Thank you for posting SEK. Feel to post, rant, ponder whenever you feel like. =)

  I actually like the fact that Swedes can see their exes without throwing vases at each other. I’ve maintained good relations with my exes, because they are still fun, good people at the end of the day.

  And for the record…I don’t have a boyfriend, neither here, nor Sweden. There was a fellow…let’s hope he is still around in a month to say yes to anything.

  And god bless the Swedish boys for cooking/cleaning on their own!

• 8. Anonymous  |  February 28, 2008 at 10:34 am

  II don’t want to seem like I’m bragging (which is also why I will stay anonymous) but it has happened a few times that girls that I don’t know, here in Sweden, my home and native country, have flirted with me. for example in a grocery store or just on the street, actually, most times on the street. I’m not really talking about giving “the look”, I’m talking about half-shouting “hey, handsome!” or something like that. It hasn’t lead to anything, really, though. But I still think it’s fun and I’m really glad for a compliment like that. I think I should start doing that to girls, as well.

  Again, not bragging…So don’t bother going there…

• 9. Sapphire  |  March 1, 2008 at 4:49 pm

  I don’t think you’re bragging but I find it interesting that it is the girls who are cat calling you. Any ideas? In the US, it’s always the men cat calling, women rarely do it.

• 10. Anonymous guy named Gusta&hellip  |  March 2, 2008 at 2:23 am

  No, I’m just glad there are no men cat calling me hehe, no I get your point and it’s interesting. Actually, I have no idea. But I guess guys do it here too, although I’ve never done it… Maybe it’s more accepted here for girls to do it since it’s more equal between the genders? Like that it’s more accepted for the girl to ask out the guy than vice versa in Sweden than it is in USA

• 11. elle  |  March 24, 2008 at 1:57 am

  i love love love your blog! i’ll post more comments later – have you wrote on french dating ? can’t find it.

  hugs

• 12. Sapphire  |  March 31, 2008 at 1:04 pm

  @ elle- No, I’ve not written on French dating. I did live in France and date someone but this was many years ago when I was still young and fresh.

  @ Anonymous guy named Gustav- I definitely see the women making the move more than the men. I guess they are empowered and know exactly who and what they want.

• 13. SwedishGirl  |  April 3, 2008 at 3:18 am

  I lived in Sweden for quite some time then moved to New Zealand . I have to admit Swedish guys are very sweet and shy and I loved getting to make the 1st move. I’m American by the way.

• 14. Sapphire  |  April 4, 2008 at 2:53 pm

  SwedishGirl- It is very endearing to flirt with Swedish men. They are much softer and gentler than American men.

  Ohhh, the Swedes…

• 15. Sapphire  |  April 11, 2008 at 2:15 pm

  I had started on blogger and found some people commented over there. I wanted to transfer their comments over since they were quite hilarious:
  Saltistjejen said:
  These was really funny observations of Swedes!!!
  I found your blog through JaCal and now when I’ve read part of it I think it is great!!!

  I am a swede now living in New York City (since 2 years) and it is very amusing to get some info of how a foreigner thinks about Sweden and Swedes…

  I will definitely continue read your blog!
  Unfortunately my blog is in Swedish so as long as you don’t know that weird language I guess you can’t really read it.

• 16. Sapphire  |  April 16, 2008 at 9:08 am

  Swedishgirl- Oh the Swedish men are endearing!

• 17. SwedishGirl  |  April 24, 2008 at 3:10 am

  I haven’t been on your site in a while I just got your comments today. Yes! Swedish men are endearing and perplexing. It was a shock being in New Zealand because there the guys are the complete opposite. I was disappointed :p My advice is publish your findings as a book. Chick-lit trends are branching out to include international heroines and no one has ever covered Sweden in a chick lit book. It’s original. I’m back in USA and I admit I wouldn’t mind dating a Swedish guy again.

  Why I love Swedish men. They have this silent calm way of just being male. They don’t invade my space. They even encourage me to flirt with them in a gentle/luring manner. I loved that after (avoiding) college frat boys… I needed it.

  I will check back more frequently :p If I were back in Sweden , I’d date some gorgeous Swedish lad who had just returned from a worldwide tour.

• 18. HPT  |  April 28, 2008 at 11:34 am

  I found this blog accidentally while googling for other things. Must say, it’s really interesting since I’m also a foreign girl who used to live in Sweden for half a year (and plan to go back soon). I met this super shy Swedish guy who stayed in the same studenthouse and well he is really really sweet. I found it strange (but challenging in a good way) that girls (whatever nationalities) have to make the first moves to make things happen…as you said. Some of my Swedish girl friends told me many Swedish guys are so afraid of commitment…which is sooo true! considering my situation with this guy is not yet official…but well….let’s just say I”l just keep my fingers crossed when I go back

• 19. Rosalee  |  April 28, 2008 at 1:54 pm

  Hi guys!
  I was just reading over your blogs,
  I was wondering, I am planning on moving to Sweden and I really want to meet a wonderful Swedish guy. But the thing is I am pretty shy when it comes to asking guys out. Do you have to or will they do it if you smile at them from afar I am not so shy once the ice has been broken but that first move is nearly impossible for me. (by the way I am American from a small town….I guess I am just used to the guys make the moves thing lol)
  Also I have always wanted to get married, will a swedish guy be really against getting married and just want to be “sambos” instead? Or will they mind having the ceremony?
  Any info would be great!!!
  Bye

• 20. Gustav  |  April 29, 2008 at 3:56 pm

  You don’t HAVE TO make the first move. How do i know? I’m a Swedish guy. I don’t think women make the first move more often than men here in Sweden. just think both women and men do it to pretty much the same extent. Maybe it’s just because you’re used to the American way (the guy always making the first and asking the girl out etc.) and therefore you perceive it as women doing it more since they’re doing it more than you’re used to in USA. U dig?

• 21. Sapphire  |  May 17, 2008 at 3:49 pm

  @ Swedish Girl- Ditto, ditto, ditto. =)

  @ HPT- keeps fingers crossed

  @ Rosalee- One of the things of moving to a new country is learning to live like a native. I’m a shy person too, but I learned that I have to make an effort too, just as guys do. Many Swedes are not opposed to marriage, but don’t expect him to marry you after only one or two years. Keep up with the blog and post your questions.

  @ Gustav, the male Swede- I think you are absolutely right.

• 22. Rosalee  |  May 26, 2008 at 8:47 am

  oh thanks both of you for the help!!
  I will write if i have more questions!!
  Thanks

• 23. American Girl  |  May 27, 2008 at 5:37 am

  “Hej” everyone!
  I just stumbled across this blog and I think it is interesting. I love Swedish men! I became interested in Swedish culture about a year ago when I met a Swede on a rosetta stone language chat website (sharedtalk.com). So now I am studying Swedish because I would love to live in Sweden someday, and also that guy that I met in that language chat will be here in just 16 days and will stay for a month! Swedish men seem so different from American men, much less cocky and opened minded. Are there any Swedish peeves I may not know about that I should be aware of before he gets here?

• 24. Sapphire  |  June 8, 2008 at 5:19 pm

  Hello American Girl! Welcome to the blog. I hope you have an amazing time with your Swede. No matter what, it will be an experience.

  Just be open and understanding that’s he from a different culture and way of life. He may be a western but he probably has had a very different upbringing than you.

  As for pet peeves. Be respectful. Don’t wear shoes in the house. Don’t expect him to pay for everything or buy random gifts. Be honest. I’ve tried to cover some basics in the Can’t I flirt post.

• 25. mike  |  June 10, 2008 at 11:12 pm

  American women are terrible.They expect men to pay for everything or they don’t want to know you! I am 60 years old and slept with almost 200 ladies from 1963-1993. In sweden, ladies pay for themselves and will sleep with you if they like you.90% of the sex I had from women, I got for free but however most of the women like 90% were gone with a few days to a week! I want to meet a scandanavian lady!

• 26. American Girl  |  June 11, 2008 at 5:02 pm

  Thanks
  We’ve talked about these things quite a few times. I always feel bad when men pay anyway, so I am so ready :p. I pick him up at the airport in 6 hours, so I am ecstatic! About the shoes though, I think it would be very hard to have my family take them off (I’ve tried), they are very stubborn when it comes to how they live in the house, but I’ve talked to him about the shoes issue, and I he’s ok with this. I am taking extra precautions by scrubbing the floors so he doesn’t get any dirt on his socks =P As my family says: “He should get the full American experience.”

• 27. Sapphire  |  June 11, 2008 at 5:29 pm

  That is exciting American Girl! Please do keep us updated on your escapades and lost in translationisms. =)

  I would say since he is visiting you, he will have to get used to American way of life.

• 28. Chez  |  June 14, 2008 at 4:55 pm

  Hey peeps, I am actually an English girl but feeling just as perplexed about Swedish men! I met a Swede online and hes lovely (we still chat as mates now) but when we met up in Stockholm it was a nightmare for me! I really like Swedish men but they are soooo different from English guys! English guys are much more open in their approach (more bravado and open about their feelings) Their are similarities in our dating methods though. (which is why I thought it would be so easy) When I met my swede, he was gentle and sweet but it was like trying to get blood out of a stone sometimes! One minute he was open and attentive, the next shy and closed up – I couldn’t read him at all and it made me retreat into my shell. It nearly put me off and when I left Stockholm I thought that swedish men are just beautiful wierd, emotional freaks but then I found this page….Now I have more knowledge I may just go in for round 2 hahaha Stay sweet People! xx

• 29. Jessica  |  June 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm

  I was looking to get some good advices from swedish girls about dating, but also for them is not clear how this exactly works, then another friend, that is also foreigner and I, decided to ask between the guys, was not easy to make them speak about it, but here are some basic advices we got from some Swedes about dating:

  1. In the beginning is a good idea to try with some group activities if it’s possible.

  2. Once that you notice he have more confidence, invite him somewhere where you are both alone.

  3. You shouldn’t be shy to kiss him first when you are alone (that’s my problem, i can be very shy).

  And this is all we got from the interrogation, it looks easy…but just the transition between steps 1 and 2 can take some months…. :S

• 30. American Girl  |  July 9, 2008 at 12:09 am

  Hey everyone!
  Things are going great with my swedey =P
  Sadly he goes home this Friday, but we have plans to see each other a lot in the future! I might visit him during x-mas, but then after that he has compulsory military service for 11 months, ah well, things will work! Swedish men are definitely different from American men! One of the biggest things I noticed was that the Swedish men do not go out on a limb to prove masculinity and dominance, there’s a good equality between the sexes so no one really has the upper hand =D It makes me feel a lot more confident in myself.
  There are a few small customs that he left behind in Sweden, such as the shoes in the house thing, but that wasn’t really hard for him to adapt to. He has really craved for ol’ fashioned Swedish meatballs though, but he’s just gonna have to wait =P
  Oh and I must say that Swedish guys, or at least this one, are very respectful and have the best manners!

• 31. Sapphire  |  July 17, 2008 at 3:39 pm

  Jessica- thanks for the information! We need more undercover agents.

  American Girl- I am so happy things went well for you! Have you heard from him since he left?
  Swedish men are more gender neutral than American men. They are okay with being a little feminine, enjoying the arts, wearing good clothes, and treating women as equals. Perhaps the last reason is what attracts foreign women. By creating an equal playground, women can more confident and comfortable about themselves.

• 32. samarkand  |  July 19, 2008 at 2:18 am

  Can someone please explain to me the difference between älska and kärlek?? Thanks.

• 33. Freddie  |  July 26, 2008 at 12:54 am

  Älska (to love or to make love) is an abstract verb whereas kärlek is an abstract noun.

• 34. SunburnedinAsia  |  July 26, 2008 at 4:40 pm

  Hey there,

  I found your blog by mistake to but I have to say love it now. I’m also having a few issues with my Swedish bf. We have been dating since the middle of March and he came to stay with me in May for almost a mth. By the way, I met him online and some of the things here are so true I have to say but can anyone tell me what’s wrong with living together right from the start? I’m really confused about this and he is moving from Sweden to come and live in Asia with me but he insists on having his “own place”! Unfortunately, I have to accept it and see how it goes but he is sweet and we have been apart for almost 3 mths now and have kept in touch through emails and sms.

• 35. Me  |  July 30, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  Älska is used more as a verb as in ‘I love you’ = Jag älskar dig where as kärlek is ”love” for example they have great love for each other. You can’t say they have great ”älska” for each other. Hope that helps.

  PS: It’s great having a viking of my own. Swedish men can be extremely charming when they want to be and really know how to sweep a woman off her feet by being the perfect gentlemen. They are very independent men and expect you to be the same. Sex is rather important and after a string of relationships…you can be pretty sure they’re good at it! Be prepared to shell out money every now and then as they like knowing they aren’t being taken for a ride and they totally believe in equality.

• 36. Venezuelan Girl  |  August 17, 2008 at 3:34 pm

  Hi… I just found your blog today, while looking for some stuff to read about Swedish men, and I must admit, I am HOOKED!
  I am from Venezuela, but live in Miami now. I met my Swedish guy at work. We both used to work for the same company, and I started flirting with him. He no longer works there…
  At first, I thought he had no interest – even though he took my invitations to social events a few times, met my friends and even my sister and cousins… however, he always kept texting me every other month… and about 1 month ago, it happened!
  He came to my sister’s husband bday dinner, and after that we came to my apartment and he kissed me! I had no idea he liked me until then!
  So the problem is, he’s divorced. He moved to the US for a woman and they just got a divorce 5 months ago. So i can tell he is even more afraid of commitment than others.
  We never talk about our feelings or our relationship (if we have one). We have slept together twice, and in the last few weeks we’ve seen each other every week.. a lot of times b/c I ask him and plan it.
  I am not sure how to behave. I don’t know if he is dating other women, are swedes players? or pretty monogamous?
  I also don’t want to ask him or put pressure in the relationship… I want to be a bit more free-spirited with him… but I want to see him.
  I would like for him to ask me, plan something romantic… you know? Should I ignore my latin need for chivalry and just keep asking him out?
  Venezuelan girl is in love with a Swede… help!

• 37. American Girl  |  August 30, 2008 at 5:05 am

  Hey! I am back to update I guess, things are going well since he went home, the future is looking swell. I bought my ticket to Sweden for December 6- January 4, so I am very excited to see him and experience the holidays there with his family, though I am not sure what to buy his family for gifting. I think I may buy my favorite books and give them to his parents since I know they like reading, and his father also loves Planters Dry Roasted Cashews that they don’t sell in Sweden, though I will have to try and sneak them by customs. Alex and I will also go to Barcelona, Spain as well while I am in Europe, and perhaps Berlin, Germany! I’m very very happy with him, and I dream of what it will be like to see him again, but in Arlanda Airport in Stockholm =D Our faces will just glow!

• 38. english girl! well lady..  |  August 31, 2008 at 3:13 pm

  Hi, i am a single mother recently divorced who has just moved to stockholm.Ok so am i writing in a desperate attempt to advertise myself? hmm probably but what i am findingis that men take one look then dont do anything about it,i am one of the more attractive mum type being 30 years old trendy slim blah blah.. but i get the impression men in sweden are shy.I have never in my life asked a man out,apart from maybe an odd drunk night where iv told a man how lovely looking he is,but thats rare.
  It doesnt help that im fussy and reguarly drag to boys round with me too which unless i put a sign on my back for all the tube train passengers to see ‘im single’ I am at my wits end to what to do.In the uk and Spain where i have lived things are very different and men will try their luck if your pushing a pushchair or not,where can i find myself a nice man in Sweden??Help! p.s Not strictly limited to swedish

• 39. Mike  |  September 2, 2008 at 9:39 pm

  American women don’t go topless on American beaches where in most of Western Europe most ladies go topless.To make matters worse,they date multiple men and expect all the men to pay for them all the time! I hate it.In scandanavia most ladies pay for themselves and can go topless on the beach if they want to! American women are religious,50% going to church every week! I am not religious.They are crazy! I am not atheist but not fanatically religious!

• 40. American Girl  |  September 3, 2008 at 12:12 pm

  Well Mike, interesting observations, some are true for some people, but not really the majority. Now I won’t go topless on a beach, you are correct there, but why does it matter if we don’t? I am not one bit religious, and that look at things is becoming popular. I have never dated more than one man at a time, I’ll stick with my Swede. With us usually one person pays the bill, we take turns, when we go places. I don’t know, but your generalizations don’t really match the people I associate with anyway, maybe you are looking in the wrong direction haha.

• 41. gbg girl  |  September 14, 2008 at 8:32 pm

  hi everyone!
  This is so funny to read.
  I´m 100% swedish.. I grew up in Gothenburg, the second largest city. At least half of my friends are mixed or immigrants( but very integrated). This is what Sweden looks like these days, at least the larger cities. If you run into a big group made out of people of only swedish decent you might wanna be carefull. Of course this group formation could just be a coincidence, but it can also be that they are a bit more “svenniga” than the rest of the population. My defenition of a “svenne” is a person who embraces all the bad, geeky sides of the swedish culture. If you where to date a svenne he would not pay for squat, he would never offer to pick you up or even walk you to the busstop.
  I find that a lot of my friends, including the fullblooded swedish boys would absolutly pay on the first or the first few dates. When you are actually in a relationship- the rules change and it is more like taking turns. Another important thing I want to add is that we hardly ever “date” in sweden, not in the sense that you ask someone out.
  Also I think it´s a bit exaggerated this discussion of the swedish girls being the ones making the first move. I have never picked up a guy, and I can´t think of a single time that any of my friends have either. Of course if I see a guy I like, I´ll flirt with him but he is the one who comes over- and swedish guys are not to shy to come over if you give them a glance. The big difference is that Swedish girls don´t play games. The French and Italian girls looove to play hard to get- this does not mean that they are;)
  I lived in France for 2 years, and talking about chivalry France is the leading country. The french pay for everything, actually most of the time they´ll pay for you even if it´s just a guy you are friends with. But this is not the most important point, what I like is that the are polite and treat you like a women.
  I´m currently living in Rome, and I can tell u that the myth about Italian men is so false. You get warnings of getting attacked…sure it´s a bit bella here bella on the street, but no more then anywhere else in southern Europe. The French, North americans, Brittish are more direct. The Italians are more simular to Swedes in their approach- stare, stare and stare but no action….maybe after a few more glasses. Also the Italians rarely pay, at least it´s not in their blood like with the French(I can only speak for the Romans, hear it´s different elsewhere in Italy)
  I love Swedish guys in many ways; they are openminded, usually with a good sense of humour, good looking(not my type-but they are) and attentive.BUT I think they have isssues with girls haha…I have several friends who obviously like me, but they never acted on it, some of them I have known for years. Now, actually this is perfect for me because they are my friends and I want to keep it this way. But for Swedes it sometimes feels like a competition-who is able to hide their feelings the longest?
  If anyone has questions, I´m here!

• 42. Mike  |  September 28, 2008 at 6:24 am

  WOMEN IN THE USA EXPECT THE MAN TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING OR THEY WILL HAVE SEX WITH HIM OR HE IS FRIEND! iI HATE THE DATING SYSTEM HERE,.

• 43. ladytron  |  October 13, 2008 at 9:05 pm

  I’m an English girl and I’ve been in a “relationship” with a Swede for over a year now and I totally agree with about 90% of the things said in this blog.
  It’s really funny how everyone is so spot on.

  Swedish men are really quiet at first and take FOREVER to get anything out of them. It took me over 6 months for my guy to finally confess anything remotely romantic to me. They’re not like American men at all with their confessions of love and their insane acts of chivalry (I’ve lived in the US for some time). My guy has taken me out to dinner and paid for it but told me flat out that Swedish men don’t pay for anything because the women are into going halves on everything which was shocking but not terrible. I like that they want to be your friend and not just your lover, unlike brits and ozzie men. While they may not be bending over backwards to get your attention, I never got the impression that women were objects to them.

  I guess the best thing abotu them is their dry sense of humour if you like sarcasm. Oh and it doesn’t help that they’re all amazingly gorg!

• 44. Sapphire  |  October 14, 2008 at 8:21 pm

  @American Girl- Looks like things are going well for you. Yay!
  Keep us posted, good to hear other points of view.

  @Mike- I agree with you partly. The American system is much more player oriented than the Swedish one. Not to say that Swedish asshats don’t exists, but the mentality is different.
  As for the topless point, that stems to a much deeper issue of liberal views of people’s bodies. Europeans consider nudity as natural (hence few censoring on TV) while Americans do not.

  @gbg girl- Sorry for a late response, but thank you for the great comment! Definitely come by more.

  and finally…
  @Venezuelan Girl- Girl, he’s just a general ass. Move on and find a better Swede. Harder said than done, but it is possible. Update us if you can.

• 45. Lilly  |  October 19, 2008 at 7:04 pm

  SO how can I get a SWEDIS GUY for God’s sake, I am an American living in Sweden I have been SMSing with a guy that I met in a club, A MONTH AGO, the night we met, we flirted (one peck kiss) and had a tentative date for the next day he SMSed two days later w/ a lame excuse, he has sort of invited me out but only with a few hours notice and I have never been able to make it, then when I put a fixed time, he couldn’t make it AHHH, is he dating other people, pulling my chain, waiting for me to SMS him that I am ready to skip the dating and go staight to his place? WHAT? What should I do.

  Also this guy is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, and a professional.

• 46. Sapphire  |  October 23, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  @Lilly- He sounds … a bit dumb and uninterested. If anything, make it clear that you would like to see him again and set a date. if he blows it off, completely ignore his existence, he’s just slime.

  remember, swedish slimeballs do exist.

• 47. PreciousGem  |  November 5, 2008 at 5:42 pm

  hi all,

  I am a 26 years old new yorker woman. I came across this blog by accident when I was searching for Alexander Skarsgard. Something about him interest me so I started searching Swedes’ man culture. I am so glad I came to this site. Ok, So far I like what I read. Well, I like the fact that they treat their woman equally and that they show affection after making love.

  Mike = I agree with you in some aspects. However, not all American woman are like what you just describe. I am from New York and you can say it’s one of the toughest city here. However, I know a lot of woman like myself who are very independent and do not rely on a man to pay for them. And in terms of being intimate, I think that it has nothing to do with who pay what. I think most of our women have sex because they feel the connection with that person not because of how loaded the man pocket is. And most women here do not go topless for many reasons. One because we call it private parts and it should stay private. Two it’s also because it’s illegal in most of the beach here to be nude. Third because a lot of women feels insecure on how they look naked.

  American girl = have fun in Sweden. I’m sure they will like you just fine. Maybe he got a really hot brother or cousin for me hehehe.

  Venenzuelan girl = As said here that Swede men do not like to talk about their feelings and they’re not the type to talk about relationship. I think that you should ask him where you stand. It’s always good know so you won’t expect much.

  Ok I have few questions. Do Sweden people only prefer white, blue eyes, and blonde? I am half Asian and Spanish. My father is from Spain and my mother is Asian. So sort of like Enrique Iglesia except that I’m very light skin and brown hair. People say I look like Kelly Hu from Xmen (hehe lol). So any advise if I go to Sweden for vacation? I would like to see for myself if Swede men are really the way they are describe here.

• 48. minerva  |  November 20, 2008 at 3:34 pm

  Why my swede lad always need me to speak first, I mean he never send me a SMS till I send to him first, even though he replyed me warmly, it just too passive….and he explained he just become much shyer after severl dates and sex… Very Strange Swede

• 49. R  |  November 26, 2008 at 9:44 pm

  stumbled across here and ended up reading every single post. very compelling stuff =P

  few questions:

  1) what are swedish women like?
  2) how different are norwegian men/women?
  3) i’ve heard that women in sweden/norway/finland are the most likely to have sex after the first date?

  also, PreciousGem – i enjoyed your post. i’m an asian american male in nyc in my mid-20’s. not particularly looking to date or get involved in a relationship, but love meeting cool, new, interesting people. would love to connect with you. do you have a facebook account?

• 50. Mats  |  November 27, 2008 at 3:10 pm

  @ PreciousGem
  Unlike the myth, not everyone one in scandinavia are blond with blue eyes, far from it.

  I think many guys in Sweden would find you attractive. But that’s not the problem I guess. (as stated in this blog post

• 51. Jessica  |  December 1, 2008 at 5:17 pm

  minerva

  I have the same problem with the swede I’m dating, usually I need to send him first a sms, and is the same in msn I need to talk first.

  Seems is a normal behavior for some swedes.

• 52. PreciousGem  |  December 4, 2008 at 10:08 pm

  R = I do have a facebook but I’m rarely on it.. Do you have a myspace?

  Mats = thanks.. I was just curious. I mean I really do not have no preference in terms of looks.. Maybe I’ll go visit Sweden next year summer..

• 53. Cristina  |  December 7, 2008 at 11:38 am

  First of all: “I just love, love, love your blogg!!”
  I’ ve never dated a Swedish guy, but I’m thinking of it.
  This year I started working in tourism and saw the most gorgeous guys in my life (Swedish).
  There was this one guy who looked like he just walked out of a fashion magazine (really model like) and he was a real flirt. I didn’t have the guts to ask him out or anything as It’s not my style.
  Anyways, I just love the info people gave here and I’ll be checking this post regularly =)

• 54. SwedishGirl  |  December 9, 2008 at 10:15 am

  Hi all,

  Can you girls please tell me about American guys and their behavior?? That would be so helpful, because i can’t get them at all!!

• 55. PreciousGem  |  December 16, 2008 at 7:04 am

  Hi SwedishGirl,

  Ok here are some description of American man. Just to remind you below are only based on my experiences.

  1) In terms pof one night stand that’s already a NO.. Of course any man in any part of the world would not turn it down.

  2) Let them treat you like a lady.. They sort like to have this crazy ego like I’m the man of this house.. Let them buy you a drink, they you to dinner or whatever and try to connect to them mentally.. Men usually pays for the first date atleast. But it turns them on if you atleast offer to pay for some.

  3) Of course if you have knowledge in the kitchen and stuff like that it’s always a bonus points. but if you’re not trying to marry the man then just act like yourself.

  4) Also, since America is huge… Men from different state act differently also. Like New Yorker lets say since we are all mix here in term of origin, then you’ll find different attitude of men based on what country their parents came from. The Southern state, I really think they are gentlmen and very old fashion in a sense where they still believe that the man should be the bread winner of the house and the women should be home. California is totally different too… They’re more laid back and men or should I say people in general are just physically attractive..
  5) Usually if they like you, they’ll call you again for a second date. And after that and after that. If they didn’t call you in a week or so then you should move on.

  6) If you want a relationship with him then just act like yourself. Only you can tell if he’s interested because you can tell he always enjoy your company and you can hear from his voice.. If it’s just to new then just act like a friend.

  7) Ok this might not only apply to American men, once you got to know him and you’re sure you like him and he likes you then maybe give him the best sex of his life (aww sorry to be blunt).. Any guy would go crazy… And depending on the guy, if he’s sweet then cuddle with him. If he’s weird then act like nothing happened. They go crazy!!!

  If you’re in a relationship with them act secure of yourself. Confidence is what makes us women sexy. If he wants to do something let him of course there’s always exception to the rules.

  9) I should probably said this before anything else. When American men are interested, they will introduce themselves to you. Don’t just go up to them to give them your number because they will look at you as just a boodie call. Remember first impression last.

  10) Don’t be afraid to express your emotion but be reasonable about it. Men likes women to stand up for her own beliefs. They think that’s sexy…

  Well, my advise is that for you to just act yourself. You don’t need to try to catch someones attention. Sometimes it doesn’t matter where the person is from. Goodluck and feel free to ask again… I’m more than willing to help…

• 56. the brain  |  December 20, 2008 at 5:00 pm

  This is an interesting conglomerate of cultural perspectives I must say. I am currently a student at a college in the united states and will be traveling abroad to Vaxjo University next fall and have some questions.

  1. Are Swedish women open to dating Asian Americans? I have read on other sources that they are not, but don’t really believe it. Any swedish females that attend a university have input?

  2. I’ll actually just take all the input I can about being an Asian American studying abroad. I was raised in the United States but being a minority, am more open to other cultures as opposed to my white peers. What do qualities do Swedish women look for in a potential date/boyfriend?

• 57. Sh  |  December 21, 2008 at 12:45 am

  My boyfriend is a Swedish guy, but today he arranged his wallet, and I saw a condom inside.He didn’t like to have sex with me with condom, but why he took one with him?I asked about it, he explained to me that the condom is just in case.
  I don’t understand. What he did made me think that he woule like to meet a hot girl in case something happened.

  If who can give advice?

• 58. Foreign girl in Sweden  |  December 21, 2008 at 10:52 pm

  I just came across this blog since I myself have certain questions and doubts about the mingling system in Sweden, but I must say…
  How old are you, Sapphire? (i suppose you’re the ‘owner’ of the blog, excuse me but right now i am a bit tired).
  I am very far from trying to be rude here, I just wonder if you’re very young…which would explain the general attitude.
  For example, you post some interesting ‘tips’ on Swedish culture, which are the basics that everyone coming here knows, but then you post so many questions…Girl, you’re in SWEDEN!!! Why do you have to ask questions about the Swedish culture on a blog??
  I myself had my own concerns and problems, as I mentioned, and I still have them, but hell! I asked Swedish people about them! I have Swedish friends, males generally, and talked to them and understood things…I think this would be a more effective strategy than asking people over the Internet…no offense, I repeat, I do not intend to be rude, just trying to help.
  From my own experience and from what others told me, the ‘dating’ system here is extremely different, because people are different.
  Swedish people are very friendly and respectful, but it ends here. They will always be great buddies, help with translating things, asking for info on the street, lend books, etc, but will most probably employ years to become friends with you. I know from my own experience. They need their own space, and see the so-called Mediterranean way of doing things (Italy, Greece, etc), like crying, overreacting, attaching too much to someone etc) literally useless.
  In Sweden you have to make the first move, always, on a guy. I don’t know whether the Swedish girl who said she never hit on a guy actually dated Swedes and not immigrants.Yes, they look at you, and are terribly shy even when you approach them. Most of the ‘dating’ will occur after a one night stand or many weeks of fika. Don’t expect them to call the next 3 days- people here need their space.
  Yes, they are gorgeously looking men compared to other countries and cultures. I lived for 3 years in Italy, I dated and had a relationship, so I know what I am talking about.
  You can meet a guy for months, sleep with him, go out, etc, but unless you have discussed exclusivity don’t even consider it something, not even ‘dating’. It is NOT dating, it’s called ‘casual dating’ or ‘casual sex’ and that’s the way it is.
  Trust me, this is what I am going through with a man right now…
  And yes, they will be extremely open minded, hot, playful in bed. The man I am with made me feel things nobody ever has simply because his main interest in bed is also to give pleasure. And he falls asleep with me in his arms, cuddles, kisses and caresses my hair, when outside the bedroom he’s just flirting, giving me the look and smiling, this ONLY when he had a beer or two.
  Swedish people aren’t alcoholics but alcohol is a part of their lives. Because the weather is bad, daylight is scarce and they are rather reserved people, weekends are seen as the privilege for debauchery, thus they will get drunk, have sex, etc. This is when they uncover themselves.
  I also care about this man a lot…even though he is clearly not interested in more. Nevertheless, he does confusing things, such as calling me his baby and telling me he’s gonna miss me during the holidays (he lives in Northern Sweden and we work together in Stockholm)…and that he has no one else. Well…time will tell.
  I myself am NOT trying to get answers from people who don’t know him or me, because in the Swedish case, only time will tell. I know this.
  And another thing. Again, I do NOT mean to offend. BUT:
  You said you are American. I kind of globetrotted myself a lot and I know the little prejudices shared by Europeans with respect to Americans. American girls are seen as being unattractive, uncaring with themselves (don’t do their hair, brazilian wax, dress up properly and wear a good perfume), rather ignorant (because of the schooling system) and just unpleasant presences.
  Just think that if you ever go out with your hair dirty because it can happen, they will unconsciously say it is because you’re American. In general, US women are seen as less attractive than the European ones.
  I myself can say, without false modesty, that I am an attractive woman (ok, i’m 22, so i’m maybe just a girl). I get looks evern on the street from Swedish men and some have even stopped me in shops in Stockholm to ask where I am from, because I look very ‘exotic’ to them- i have long wavy dark hair, light green eyes and light complexion. So I don’t look Swedish, but neither Middle Eastern or Italian. They mostly ask if I’m from Venezuela (compliment!). And still, even so, men sometimes seem to run away from me. Because they don’t want relationships with women who don’t understand their culture and start nagging them with phonecalls the next morning, when a Swedish girl departs from the idea that the guy is just a one night fling.
  I suppose some people will say this is untrue about Swedish people. I live in Stockholm and I spend my time only with Swedish people, we go to places which are not frequented by immigrants, so on and so forth. This is my experience in Sweden, hope I didn’t make anyone feel bad or anything in the family.

• 59. SwedishGirl  |  December 22, 2008 at 7:10 am

  Ohh, thanx PreciousGem! You’re an angel!

  The thing is that, we’ve seen each other for almost 2 months now. We met in Asia and both living here. I was clubbing with some friends and he came up to me and tried to flirt with me. i wasn’t really interested at first. Anyway, he got my number and the next day he wanted to meet. We hung out as friends for quite some time and then it got more serious. He says i’m a “rad girl”, “smart girl”, ” great girl” etc. I should mention he’s from California and that neither of us was looking for a relationship.

  i know he’s seeing other girls and that’s cool with med coz i wanna keep it casual for as long as possible. Maybe that’s why i’m a bit cold with my feelings sometimes, because i don’t wanna show to much. I think both of us are just scared that it’s gonna get more serious and “complicated”, but we both like each other really much. That leads to our strange behaviour against one and another i guess.

  What i find strange is how open he is with comments about girls. He talks to me about girls like i’m his male buddy or something. In sweden we don’t do that, unless we’re best friends. But me and him are more than friends.

  He’s also very straight forward with his feelings. I’m like that sometimes and sometimes not. We swedish people don’t wanna show to much and seem klingy… especially in the beginning

  I can tell for sure that there is a big difference between Swedish guys and American guys swedish guys are much more “understanding”. American guys really needs to show he’s the man.

  I think this was it for now. I didn’t think that Americans and Swedes were so different. Now i know…

• 60. PreciousGem  |  December 24, 2008 at 8:18 pm

  Hi Swedish girl,

  Oh wow. Your relationship is really something. I mean I’ve been there before. Actually almost exact relationship. My advice to you is to try to be honest with him. That’s sometimes the problem with this men here. I think he’s playing mind games with you because he do not want to look like he’s so crazy over you as well. Well, if you think you don’t want any more with him then leave your relationship just the way it is. But, you should set a boundary. You should tell him that you don’t need to hear about other women and what he do with them when you guys are together. Tell him it’s such a turn off. And also if he’s looking at other girls when you guys are together, try to pretend you don’t even see that he’s looking or you can be frank and tell him to not disrespect you like that. Well, I really hope it works out for you. Goodluck!

  Oh now I would like to ask you a question. Does Swedish men only like Swedish girls? Or should I say, do they only like the Blondes and Blue eyes girls?

• 61. SwedishGirl  |  December 25, 2008 at 1:28 pm

  Yeah, we have a strange realationship. No it’s not that he is hitting on girls in front of me or anything like that but he is very open about other girls looks etc. We’re kinda in a “dating” stage right now so we are allowed to date others i guess. But now he’s been startint to call me “his girl”… it’s like everytime we’re getting seroius, we’re back to square one again. Haha, i know it’s weird. anyway, i guess i should just enjoy the ride and see what happens.

  To your question… Oh no! Swedish men does not only like the blondes and blue eyes girls. I think many people believe that because it’s those girls who you see the most, and those are also the girls you associoate with “swedish girls”. Of course there are swedish men who prefers blondes with blue yes but there are also those who don’t. There are so many diferrent types of girls in Sweden.

  My experience of what swedish men like is the girls who are socialy popular and has confidence. And when it comes to looks…. they like it when women has a style that she’s confident in dnd who always look fresh.

  why did you get that impression that swedish men only like blondes and blue eyed girls??

• 62. PreciousGem  |  December 26, 2008 at 8:44 pm

  Swedish girl,

  Hahaha lol.. I read that somewhere online that Swedish like to stick with Swedish. I am planning a summer vacation to Sweden with my cousin and she said that we should just go to London instead because she heard they might not like us in Sweden lol… I mean if that’s the case I really do not mind but I guess it will be fun to go somewhere you’re wanted hehe… I’m American but not the typical Blonde and blue eyes. My father is from Barcelona Spain and my mother is Filipino which they look more Spanish than asian. So I look different I guess.. People say I look like a combination of Kristen Kruek and Kelly hu from Xmen except that my eyes are really light hazel. I don’t know if you will call that pretty since beauty is in the hands of the beholder.

  Anyway, he’s calling you his girl is a really good sign… How old are you? From the way you sound, it seems like you guys are really crazy for one another. I wish you goodluck. I really hope it works for you. Ok here’s another thing about American men, except for the fact about their male egos, they are also very devoted and they will take care of you physically and financially if you capture their hearts. American men are very generous. .

  By the way if all Sweden guys look like Alexander Skarsgard, then I’m definitely going to Sweden whether they like me or not hahahaha (just kidding).

• 63. SwedishGirl  |  December 27, 2008 at 11:37 am

  Haha, lol! No, that’s not true at all that swedish stick with swedish. In genereal Swedish people are very open to different etnicities and countries.

  I know you would be very popular in sweden with your look. I’m myself half asian and swedish. A lot of swedish men enjoys girls who looks exotic. But of course, in the end..it’s about the whole package

  You won’t get dissapointed if you visit sweden. Don’t get me wrong Alexander Skarsgard is hot….., but you’ll find much hotter guys in sweden. Except from that swedish men are hot they’re also real gentlemen if you capture their heart! They’re so understanding and caring.

  If you really want to capture a swedish man, show him that you’re confident, funny, smart and independant. Just a little, don’t overdo it.

  Yeah, me and my american are quite crazy about each other. I’m 25, so is he. But it’s hard though because we both live in asia and we don’t really know how long or if we’ll stay here. We enjoy our life here at the moment and i know he’s staying here longer because of us. Only 1 month ago he was supposed to go back home to america. Anyway, we’ll see. i’ll definetly keep you updated

• 64. PreciousGem  |  December 31, 2008 at 6:11 pm

  Oh wow.. thanks for your reply… Now I’m excited to go. Wow hotter than Alexander hmmm.. That would be something… I’m sure I will have fun… It’s kinda funny how I’m interested in Swedish men and you on the other hand have your American man… hehehe… Definitely keep me posted Swedish girl. You seem so cool.. I’m sure things will work out for you… By the way, are you going back to Sweden? Maybe when I come visit, I can buy you a drink or two. Oh yea email me sometimes and keep in touch.. My email is PreciousGem02@yahoo.com… Take Care girl.. By the way I’m Cecilia…

• 65. Christian  |  January 12, 2009 at 10:14 pm

  @PreciousGem:

  If you do look anything like Kristen Kruek and Kelly hu from Xmen you would not have any problem getting a Swedish guy.
  Personaly I prefer “exotic” women. I like dark hair and dark eyes alot more than “scandinavian”..I guess you could say that my weakness is latina/spanish women. Scandinavian women are to boring. haha.

  Just my two cents. =)

  btw, if you´d like you can find me on Facebook if you want to know more about sweden. My name is Christian johansson and I´m wearing a “beanie” and holding a phone on my profile picture. =)

• 66. mieoux  |  January 26, 2009 at 6:40 am

  My mom has been trying to get me to move to Sweden, but I’ve resisted partly because of the whether but a huge part is because want to get married and have kids and I’ve gotten the impression, not just from here alone, that Swedish people don’t value marriage or monogamy so I have been resistant. I am also put off by the idea of a guy who cannot express how he feels – how the heck are we going to have a relationship then if he can’t talk about his feelings? I really like hot guys though and I don’t want to have ugly babies so I’d rather have kids with a hot guy and I hear there are many of them in Sweden. Just looking from these posts I am feeling like my fear is being realized and that it’s very difficult to date and build a relationship with a guy in Sweden. And what about the passion? I am a very passionate person and I am also getting fearful that Swedish men might be cold fish emotionally. I am trying to reconcile that with the report of them being good in bed, I don’t see how good sex can happen for me if I am uncertain how the man feels about me and I don’t even know if were are in a relationship or not – I mean I might as well just use one of my dildos or vibrators.

  Oh and to “foregin girl in Sweden”, you should visit New York City, you will be humbled and you may re-think your impression that American women are ugly. I lived in Europe and then I moved to a small town in the US and the women were decent looking, but since I moved to NYC I haven’t seen one single ugly woman, even the four fat ones I’ve seen have pretty faces. I am single and I tell you the competition in NYC is tough! I’ve seen women in the clubs who look better than the famous supermodels we know. I never thought that much about my looks but I thought I was doing pretty good, moving to New York City made me humble.

  Leaving that aside I am really bothered by this impression I am getting that Swedish men don’t express their feelings, and dates are not really dates and that they don’t want to commit- how do you get the excitement from dating then, or don’t you? I do like the idea that it’s ok to approach guys in Sweden, here it seems like if you do you have just blown your chances, even if the guy would have liked you otherwise.

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