I was checking out my blog stats today and noticed the original Dating in Sweden post was the most popular. Now I am guessing that post does not enlighten those of us who are currently confused because I am confused too.

I propose that if there are any Swedes (male or female) willing to take a survey about dating/love/sex, I will post the results in one month. Of course if you volunteer, I will not disclose your name or email. Help us, lovely Swedish folks, to better understand your culture.

Email me at fleurdeparis at gmail dot com. (okay that other email I put up earlier…doesn’t exist…yes, I am stupid at times)

There I was, eating chocolate and loving it. Selling some too. I was getting paid to eat exquisite chocolate. You know, that chocolate that costs upwards of $70 a pound (okay some of them are $40…more reasonable). And I felt lovely.

Then I felt like someone was clipping my wings and I wanted to scream.

All this time I have been planning to leave California, stretch my wings, cut my ties, and start again. Stockholm was (is) the place. I fell in love with the city a month ago and wanted to move there. I still do. But I was presented with an opportunity this week to start in retail at a high end chocolate company and move up corporate ladder (i.e. maybe run my own store within a year).

And then there’s Stockholm…having family — haven’t been near any for 5 years, starting a new life, having the opportunity to get a great job and go to school, finding a love, meeting new friends, learning a new culture/language, living in Scandinavia, loving the snow, watching the ships in the harbors…

If I don’t go to Stockholm, what happens? I stay in CA, go a little crazy but work in the high end chocolate food industry, travel, eat delicious food, sell magnificent chocolate…

I could lead the life of a Stockholmer and my doppelganger could lead the life of the chocolate goddess.

Or if I have to choose: One risks a great deal if one eventually loses

The choice for me will present itself when the time is right; I presume.

California is a great state but I have never been happy living here. I moved here seven years to begin college and somehow stuck around because the Bay Area was “the place to be.” But, it is not the place for me. For the past few months I have been toying with the idea of relocating back to the east coast…I came very close, nearly moved my stuff and left in September. I didn’t move, for the best I suppose.

Now I am still in California and feeling truly dazed and confused by this state. California may be the “greatest place to live” but I hate it and I do not see why I have to conform to the Cali is great philosophy. I am getting tired of defending my distaste of this area; it is after all my life and I have every right to seek my own pursuit of happiness in the best way I see fit.

What is that pursuit of happiness? Job? Career? Money? Savings? Love? Partner? Life? Tranquility? Fun? I still do not know but I am certain I will not find it in California. The time is right for me to pack up and move on and start a new chapter in my life.

I have to come to the point in my life where I am willing to risk everything I know in order to find something greater. And there it is, I should go back to Europe and live out the European dream that I have desperately missed. I may not have a job or a school to attend at this moment, but everything in me says going to Europe is the right thing to do. For me. And that is all that matters.

I have decided to ponder until All Hallows Eve (i.e. Halloween) on where/when/how/what of a possible move. At that point, I will make my decision and buy a ticket and not turn back.

Sometimes we have to let go of everything we are familiar with to find something we were always looking for.

I have decided to make a running list of all the crazy things I have done in my life. That way, if someone asks me, “what’s the craziest you have every done?” I have an answer.

Except for the first two, I have done all the things by myself. Yipee! Trouble all the way

  • Driving over 100.000 miles in 12 countries
  • Pushing 225 km/hour (that’s 140 mi/hour) on the autobahn in Europe (can’t disclose where so I don’t ever get a ticket ;-) )
  • Going from the US to country A with the wrong visa, then having the idiot airline fly me to country B (without a visa), to only go back to country A. Eventually getting to country C to go back to country A four days later with the right visa.
  • Taking the night train from Barcelona to Mardrid in standard seats
  • Driving in a whiteout in Iceland
  • Getting pissed off and driving 3.000 miles around the eastern seaboard of the US
  • Couchsurfing in Reykjavik, Iceland
  • Couchsurfing in Stockholm, Sweden (and both were males, and both were normal people)
  • Moving to France (need I say more?)
  • Going to Spain for a week. Went to train station, bought the ticket, went back home and packed and got on a train. I was pissed off and living in France at the time
  • Staying in a small city (let’s say 3.000 people) to learn a language that only 310.000 people on Earth speak.
  • Seeing DJ Tiesto in Arnhem, Netherlands perform for 8 hours in front of 25.000 spectators
  • Accidentally drive through Washington DC’s ghetto…that was not smart!
  • Driving to San Diego from SF in one day because I was…what else…annoyed
  • Getting stuck in the Paris Gare de Lyon station for the night after missing my connector train to the north. Want to meet all the real French crazies? Sleep in the train station
  • Sleeping next to a glacier (in my car) in Iceland because I did not want to pay for a hotel for five hours
  • Driving the southern section of the Ring Road (1.200 km) in 24 hours to take photos
  • Going to Stockholm for 40 hours to only realize my cousin was not going to be there
  • Going for a walk at 1am with my roommate in the mountains near Grenoble. Oh yes, and we were well lit.
  • Traveling to Costa Rica and visiting some remote town (pop. 200) for a few days (and Arenal Volcano too)
  • Several weeks ago I decided to sign up for Match.com in the US. To me it felt like the last ditch effort to not just find the “l’homme de la vie” but a regular man to go out with. Nothing materialized; a few people wrote to me but I was just not interested. And there it happened…my account died of natural causes.

    Then last week I went out with a girlfriend and she suggested I join the match.com Sweden site. While I was hesitant at first, it appears all of Sweden is on some dating site or another. And then there I was at 4am, signing up, spending 3 hours to fill a profile, searching for people on match.se. And the men seemed…more normal (and obviously more beautiful), than the US men. I don’t know why.

    Now I do not want to date the moment (my poor little heart needs a break)
    but I am going to conduct a social experiment. I am going to find out how online dating works in Sweden and how these Swedish males flirt (or not) via email.

    And btw, don’t go searching for me, I’m on match.se but you won’t find my photo. =)

    NOTICE MARCH 20th, 2010: This post is now CLOSED for comments. But don’t fret, there is a NEW POST to make comments. This post is being closed because of its age, 200+ comments (causing reading issues), and load problems. Please continue writing and sharing stories on the new dating Swedish men post.

    So I’m back in Sweden for a week and have a little while to mingle/party/get smushed on the T-bana with the Swedes. However, after living in France for a year and a half, I knew what was going on with the French dating system (quite screwed up). Now I know I have only been in Sweden a couple days (and will hopefully return permanently) but from reading various blogs and talking to Swedish girls, the dating system here is screwed up and really confusing.

    First, I have to admit the American system is not good. It puts pressure on the man to pay, to do things, to have chivalry and then that puts pressure on the girl to put out. People date multiple people without really telling what’s going on and then all of a sudden things become official — “he’s my boyfriend now.” It is not acceptable for women to ask men out (believe me, it never works out even if he said yes on that first date).
    Frankly, I’m not impressed with the system. I want to be able to pay my way, not feel pressured, and hell, if I like that man, I should ask him out. And if I want to have sex with him, I want to have sex with him. Doesn’t mean I will put out for the next man.

    Now it struck me that dating swedish men is something more utopian (for me at least) but at the same time more confusing than it could ever be.
    So I figured I should at least put down all my questions and observations on this blog in the hopes that folks will respond with their own experiences and observations.

    The Questions:
    1. Is it acceptable for women to ask men out?
    2. Do men expect women to ask them out or vice versa?
    3. What is the Swedish version of a “date?”
    4. Do Swedes date more than one person at a time before settling down with one person?
    5. Do men prefer that women take the lead (i.e. make the moves)?
    6. Does it really take forever for people to get married in Sweden?
    7. How does a second date work?
    8. What’s with the text messaging?
    9. How/where do Swedes meet?

    The Observations and Advice from fellow Swedish women:
    - Women have to make the moves to make things happen
    - Text, text, text message…just don’t call
    - Go out on a date and really have no idea where you stand
    - Meet someone and have no idea where you stand after chatting for a few hours
    - Learn that they do seem to keep their feelings bottled up. They could probably make great poker players.
    - Ask the man for his number because he’s not asking you
    - “Swedish men are inconsiderate” i.e. they lack chivalry (not my words either!)
    - People don’t flirt in public places, e.g. the train, the queue, the store
    - People don’t really smile and flirt with the eyes. No no no.
    - Men are thankfully not seen serenading women like they do in France (so annoying and wimpy)
    -

    I’ll add to this the more I understand (don’t understand) of this strange culture :)

    With the flurry of accusations going back and forth between iBrick users and Apple, I figured it is time I put my two cents in. First off, I did not buy an iPhone because I knew Apple was a company of control freaks who would enforce every term like the old Chinese dictatorships. Second, I knew that company would have a serious price cut right after its first go on the market. And yet, I completely sympathize with the iPhone consumer for a variety of reasons.

    1. Bricking a product is a pretty extreme solution to a “violation” of a T&C (terms and conditions agreement). If for example, Apple is sued and they lose, they face either replacing every bricked phone with a new one (a huge financial lose) or writing a lot more code to fix these phones (if that is even feasible). Bricking is an end all solution.

    2. People are saying the iPhone users need to stop whining and suck it up. J. Noah Funderburg, an assistant dean at the University of Alabama School of Law in Tuscaloosa, said: “We have a free marketplace,” he said. “Buy a product, including using it on the terms accompanying the purchase, or don’t buy it. And learn to live with not always getting everything you want.”
    It’s not about getting “everything” you want, it is about getting to own your product. Apple is imposing as many rules as it can to create a consumer base of slaves. These users have no rights, they just pay for the phone and every cost associated. If I spend, $400, $500, or $600 on a phone, I would like to use it in a manner I see fit. That does not mean throwing it off a building, installing malicious programs, or installing programs that changes the database structure, it means getting to personalize MY phone.

    3. Apple’s stubbornness to control every aspect of the iphone will eventually backfire. Consumers will realize they wasted $600 on a phone and either: 1) they buy a new phone; 2) tell Apple and AT&T to go fuck themselves and buy from another company.
    I own a T-mobile Blackberry. T-mobile is a sensible company because they know many of it’s customers travel abroad and they allow customers to unlock phones. I have never had a problem unlocking my phone and the customer service reps are very helpful.
    Additionally, I installed the Zagat Restaurant guide on my phone. I had some problems so I called T-mobile for help. Sure enough, even though they didn’t write the program, the CS rep went online to see what could be the issue (we eventually resolved it). No problems, no questions.

    4. Apple is fighting a losing battle. Every new technology is tested to its breaking point and then pushed forward to make the next generation. Because Apple is trying to control every aspect of the iphone and the phone service agreement, everyone who does anything to the phone is considered a hacker. Seriously, most customers just want to add some bells and whistles and most “hackers” want to see how strong the coding is and what can be done to make it better. It is a win-win for everyone. If Apple let hackers play with the phone, they would be creating softwares for the next generation (and that is R&D money Apple doesn’t have to spend) but if Apple wants to scare everyone, the iphone will truly become an iBrick: worthless, old, and outdated.

    Apple always claimed to be on the cutting edge and open to new source codes. Isn’t that why Apple fought with Microsoft for years? The company did not want to be a dictator to its consumers. Apple began on the platform of open source and working to make things better. They wanted to be sleek, sexy, and ahead of its time. They were, until now.

    This week, Apple set itself back twenty years and is behaving like a dogmatic dinosaur. In the Apple world, I will call them an iAsshole.

    And we thought Microsoft was bad…