Observations by a Swede
It’s been a long time since I had the time, my apologies. I have been caught up at work and then more work and then more work. Good news is that it’s getting a bit less.
But this week we have something special. I convinced my boyfriend, Þorbjörn (again, not his real name), to give his observations of Americans and American women.
Here are his Swedish opinions about us American girls:
1. The United States likes to take on the James Bond approach with girls.
2. For being such an advanced country, people are very conservative and rather sexist.
3. I always found it funny when my girlfriend would have guests staying the night, usually girls, and they would freak out if I was wearing my t-shirt and underwear at night. Do I have to be fully dressed at all times?
4. American girls like to get presents, flowers, chocolates, and all sorts of gifts and crap. They seem to want us to do the work. Well, not that Swedish girls don’t like gifts, but American chicks seem to expect it more.
5. They speak English; which yes is not a profound statement but still, I spend most of my time now speaking and understanding English.
6. American girls are more flirty. At times they can confuse Swedish guys because they are being friendly but the guys think otherwise.
7. If an event is supposed to be dressy, Americans love to get really dressed up. People are allowed to stand out from the crowd, and that’s okay.
8. I don’t get American dating. It seems that you can ‘date’ more than one person at a time, and then at some point you become ‘exclusive’ with one person. I think my life would be very complicated if I dated more than one girl at a time.
And I definitely don’t understand the three day rule. If I get a girl’s number and she gets mine, and I like her, I don’t think you have to wait three days. She can call me too.
9. It is easy to start a conversation with a stranger. When you are at a bar in the US, you can chat with the person next to you and it’s cool. Do it in Sweden and most people will find you weird.
10. American girls are just as complicated as Swedish girls. They are still women after all. =)
1 comment February 16, 2009
The Swedish Love Refugee Project
I met Hairy Swede this past weekend. Really really awesome to meet a fellow blogger IRL and also discuss the same problems with Stockholm. For the most part, those problems were quite amusing (why does the alcohol monopoly exist? why are old women always wearing fur coats? what’s wrong with the housing market?).
In any event, we got to chatting about blogs and came up with a great idea. Since this blog is about dating and there are lots of amazing comments here, there’s going to be a new project. It’s called The Love Refugee Project and I need all of your help.
Here’s what I am looking for:
Foreigners who moved to Sweden for a Swedish love and are still together
Foreigners who moved to Sweden for a Swedish love and are no longer together
Foreigners who followed another foreigner to Sweden for love (e.g. american following another american because one came for work)
Foreigners who moved to Sweden just because but found love
This project will take place over the next 6 months and I hope to compile stories, photos, etc to publish (where, I don’t know yet).
If you would like to be interviewed and have a free fika, please email me at chotipreeti at gmail dot com.
Thank you!
1 comment February 9, 2009
Talking to the Swede
After reading many comments on the Dating in Sweden post, the girls seem to never know how to communicate with Swedish guys.
I agree. Talking to a Swede can be like talking to a wall. And it’s not that they don’t want to listen to you, they just don’t know how to respond. Or they enjoyed your story and think nothing needs to be added.
Sometimes, I can be an annoying girl. I keep asking the boy questions; about everything. Sometimes he is quick to answer and tells a story. Other times, he says, “I dunno” and shrugs. And sometimes, even calls me “silly girl” for being so inquisitive.
What I found most interesting in communicating with him was our ‘move-in’ discussion. We had a long talk (okay, a short talk) about what it would be like to move in together. We even discussed what are our fears and expectations. He was very open about it and that he was nervous, etc. A revelation I feel for a Swede to talk. Not necessarily about his feelings but about something importanht. Of course being a Swede, also willing to help out in household duties. Yay! The caveat to the whole conversation: he had some wine before getting deep into the discussion.
A couple lessons to learn about talking to Swedes:
1. Kick them sometimes- Not literally.
2. Be inquisitive- ask open ended questions…anything that has the potential to be Yes/No will end up as one.
3. Don’t tell them any stories for the day- See if there is silence or if after a while, he starts talking.
4. Get some alcohol. Like plants, Swedes must be watered properly with a good distribution of beer and liquor.
9 comments October 14, 2008
40 things I learned in Stockholm one year later
It’s been one year since i first visited Sweden. Some of my opinions changed, some are still the same. Let’s see, what did we learn in one year:
- Stockholm people cannot drive, obey traffic signals, or stop for pedestrians
- Males who are from Stockholm have the slick backed, douchy, hair
- Men love wearing pointy-toed leather shoes
- Stekare is term used to describe snobby, stuck up, douchy haired males (usually from Stockholm)
- The T-bana is a chaotic mess on Friday and Saturday nights
- Crayfish is pretty darn tasty…pour down that aquavit
- Systembolaget has a line to enter the store on Fridays…buy your beer earlier!
- Swedes are lying (okay deluded) when they tell you Sytembolaget has a great selection of alcohol. And you can place an order for things not in the catalog too!
- Females still wear the stupid looking leggings from the 80s
- Swedish pizza is the best food that the country can offer
- Men won’t flirt with women unless they are on the verge of blacking out
- Everything is fucking expensive in Stockholm; if you are not broke in one week you really weren’t in Stockholm
- Swedish men in general have issues showing emotions
- Females still wear the baggy t-shirts from the 80s
- Some men carry “purses”
- Friday and Saturday are reserved for getting completely wasted. Drunk isn’t good enough
- Swedes freak out when things are late
- Some Swedes are passive aggressive. Other Swedes love to get pissed off
- No one holds the door for you; watch your nose
- With one of highest life expectancy rates in the world, they sure drink, smoke, and drink coffee like there’s no tomorrow
- Drivers still don’t understand the meaning of “pedestrians first”
- Sill is a delicacy according to the Swedes
- One only eats candy on Saturdays
- Mexican restaurants are no where to be found
- Swedish men have issues talking; sometimes you have to kick them in the balls to hear them speak
- There’s no such thing as a discount
- Forget flirting with everyone, you will just look stupid
- Walk fast and look at the sky and hope others don’t talk to you
- Meeting the boyfriend’s family is no big deal
6 comments September 20, 2008
While the Cold Winter Waiting
The leaves are beginning to fall in Stockholm. And first signs of autumn are coming into force as the equinox approaches. I love this time of year. The air turns crisp, the leaves descend to the earth, and the clouds begin to hover lower in the sky. I miss the pumpkin patches and the apple orchards of the northern states; it is a part of me that makes me nostalgic every year. The smell of the air reminds me of a romantic, innocent yet changing time of the year.
As I continue my journey in Sweden, I am reminded of what I gave up to be here and what I see as part of my new home now. I miss my friends and my home environment daily and go through the ‘am i still here’ phase when walking around the city. I still feel I am neither here nor there and the autumn weather is increasing that feeling in me.
So here it is now, waiting for the winter, enjoying the air.
And thank you Trentemoeller for the title.
Add comment September 18, 2008
Don’t forget your bolaget bag
When walking around the city on a Friday or Saturday night, I noticed everyone has a little purple or blue bag. It is almost fashionable to have one of those small bags filled with hidden liquor. At the same time, it’s entertaining. In a country where beer can run you $100 in one night at a bar, people are very protective of their alcohol. And there’s some etiquette involved.
If you are invited to a party at someone’s house, you are expected to bring your own beer. (I’ve learned this the hard way) This isn’t the BYOB days at college house parties where the hosts were too poor to afford kegs for hundreds of people. These are nice birthday parties, house parties or even a poker night. Hosts expect you to BYOB, and literally it means beer or wine or cidre. No real liquor please. You could but then you would be seen as a true alcoholic who has money to spend. [reflecting that a 700ml bottle of Absolut costs $44]
So you get invited to a Swedish house party. Plan on bringing enough beer to last two or three hours. After that, the group will head out to a bar. You want to be buzzed enough before heading out to not drop $10 per beer at a club.
But, there are couple exceptions. If you are going to a formal dinner party, your hosts will probably have organized the wine and beer for the evening. Yippe! And most corporate engagements I have attended also cover the alcohol. Be sure to check.
Finally, Friday night: battled the cold, stood in long lines to get in the bolaget and out, and beaten the other crazy Swedes to get the last bottle of Stella. What happens next is weird. I get to the party, expecting lots of rambunctious swedes and instead get… people sitting, drinking beer, and minding their own business. Little purple and blue are placed securely between the owner’s legs for fear of grand theft beer by other guests. No one really talks to me and people just mumble a bit with each other. I compare it to a wake; without someone to mourn. It is really bizarre and yet reflective of the dependence (or perceived dependence) to get these funny people to socialize.
Eventually, people make it to their third beer. and OMG! life! The Swedes wake up from their comas and start chatting, walking around, mingling with others. Finally someone will say, “tjena! i heard you are from the US. how do like my country??” And there’s a chance you can speak to a male without him running away. Pretty awesome. But if you wait too long to talk to folks, you may end up having some very drunk conversations. And Swedes, as we all know, have some issues when it comes to human interactions.
And if you forget the bolaget bag…? Well, hope to god that some Swede misplaces his bag and you can steal that lovely Swedish beer and begin conversing with people. Like how you’re supposed to do it. With beer.
6 comments September 7, 2008
Stockholm Asshat Landlords: kylon499@hotmail.com
Thoroughly annoyed at the moment, I decided to vent my frustrations here. A friend was recently kicked out of her apartment in Stockholm as a second hand renter because her first hand renter (the one who owns the real first hand contract) got kicked out. He claims it was her “fault” because she put her last name on the door of the apartment (to get mail) and that was not allowed.
He now refuses to give her the deposit back. 10 000SEK. That’s nearly $2000. So anyway, I’m really upset over such injustice and he probably took advantage of her as a foreigner. Those of you who know the Stockholm housing market, it’s illegally traded, rented, and dealt with. No one is clean and the second hand renters are constantly screwed by the first hand renters.
Anyone else have asshole landlords?
Oh yes, and his email address: kylon499@hotmail.com …I’ll be sure to post a Hitta lesson on how to look him up.
8 comments August 23, 2008
One year down
I am about to fall asleep but before I start typing a bunch of nonsense, some exciting news. This blog is one year old, it survived! I survived writing it! Who would have ever thought. =)
In light of this special occasion, I would like to ask all of you a few questions for the upcoming posts during year two.
What questions do you have about the Swedes?
What topics would you like me cover (can be anything)?
Would you be interested in authoring a post if it related to dating Swedes (you can be a guy or girl)?
11 comments August 18, 2008
Valentine’s Day and ridiculous expectations- 4 months late
Okay, it is not Valentine’s Day but I found this in my old draft of posts and figured better to published four months late than at Christmas. You might enjoy the you tube videos too. =)
This is the first year I noticed less Valentine’s Day commercials and cheesy decorations in the stores. Maybe I am not the only one who’s tired of seeing greeting cards vomiting hearts, teddy bears, and roses. Why is Valentine’s Day such a big holiday in America? Do women really want red roses, chocolates, and jewelry? Or do corporations entice the women to love them? And how are men seduced to buy gifts in the hope of getting laid?
And for kicks, here is a samplings of terrible advertisements:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jv0PvyxXocA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ifw_qJOCnQI
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ch1AbFirZDY
1 comment June 29, 2008
Censoring comments…the dilemma
I’m a ditz, I totally forgot to approve comments for the past week. Very sorry to everyone, I was not trying to ignore you!
The comments have been approved with an exception: Some people are posting a ‘personal’ ad as a comment. Such as: “I love your blog and have been looking to meet a swede for a while. I am white, mid 20s and seeking a tall, handsome, swede.” I have not approved such comments onto the blog and it has been a hard decision to make. I believe in free speech and having everyone contribute, even if insulting or negatively, because I want a balanced point of view.
However, personal ads on a random blog are not safe. On an open blog like this one, comments can be viewed by anyone, crazy or not. I can provide no safe way for people to communicate. There are also many other sites better equipped to handled this: match.se, eharmony.com ,etc.
With that in mind, please do not post comments about seeking a man, 25-32, white, blah blah…it does not contribute to the post and it is not appropriate for the blog. If you disagree please do comment here.
4 comments July 30, 2008